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User: bitt3n

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Comments · 789

  1. Re:...but Beyonce... on In-Game Advertising Makes Games Better? · · Score: 1

    Sure, but you culs always do like it's done in some other games (Formula One racing Simulator, for example) where real life Marlboro, Camel. Michelin, etc ads are replaced by fake products (Colten soda, Frantic tires, etc). The result? A very realistic environment without the real life ads poisoning.

    are you kidding? I find that sort of ad maddening. In fact, it was only the other day that I got a terrible craving for Colten soda, and just to satisfy it I had to found the damn company, fabricate a means of construction and supply chain from scratch, make a single bottle, drink half of it, decide it actually tasted like dog piss, file suit against my own company for false advertising, and then declare bankruptcy and flee an angry horde of creditors screaming for my scalp.

  2. Re:Norwegian sell-out for celebrities and stars on Barack Obama Wins the 2009 Nobel Peace Prize · · Score: 1

    The wiki's translation of Nobel's will (and it looks good, after a cursory glance at the original swedish) reads:

    [...] to the person who shall have done the most or the best work for fraternity between nations, for the abolition or reduction of standing armies and for the holding and promotion of peace congresses.

    wait a minute here.. if I can win the nobel peace prize by reducing standing armies, does that mean I could get it for launching a nuclear strike that takes out a sufficient number of the enemy's ground forces?

  3. Re:personally on Barack Obama Wins the 2009 Nobel Peace Prize · · Score: 3, Funny

    Hey, I just won a Nobel Peace Prize too! Says something about my "continued work to end the crisis in Sudan." Don't remember ever going to Sudan.

    Then again, I didn't know they were packaging these things in cracker-jack boxes...

    actually, this might make the Nobel Peace Prize harder to come by in the future, if the committee's standards get so low it awards itself the prize on account of promoting peace by awarding the Nobel Peace Prize.

  4. Re:Bad subject, this is a GOOD thing... on Comcast's War On Infected PCs (Or All Customers) · · Score: 2, Funny

    Two words: False Positives. Ok, so I can't stick to two words... When a business is legally using their internet connection (a contractor uploading a very large set of files, including videos, etc., to update a client's live website, for example), and Comcast's actions cause that company to lose business or money due to breach of contract (deadlines are missed, live site goes down due to having only partially updated their files due to Comcast cutting the connection, etc.), there will be lawsuits, and Comcast will likely lose.

    so block only porn sites. then they can do all the useful stuff they normally do, but you can bet your ass they'll be calling in pronto. (the conversation will then go as follows: "some sites aren't working!" "for example?" "uh.. I don't recall specifically.")

  5. Re:Hospital on What To Do With a Free Xbox 360 Pro? · · Score: 2, Funny

    Give it to a local children's hospital. Cheer up some kids that could use it.

    preferably with a copy of TRAUMA CENTER: UNDER THE KNIFE

  6. Re:OMG NOT THE HARD DRIVE ONE ONE 1111 on Cyber-criminal Left In Charge of Prison Computer Network · · Score: 1

    Hell, if you ask me to supervise an inmate in a chem lab while he brews up aspirin and he's actually making nitroglycerin, I'd probably stand there and ignorantly watch him make nitroglycerin.

    I'd probably just say I was busy.

  7. Re:These are just the ones being caught on Identity Theft Is Usually an Unsophisticated Crime · · Score: 4, Funny

    The sophisticated high tech criminals are not in prison. They're on a beach somewhere enjoying your money.

    The joke's on them. I've applied for a job at Club Med where I'm going to earn back every cent right out of their clammy hands. And thanks to my prompt and courteous service, they won't suspect a thing until it's too late!

  8. Re:Ouch on 2009 Ig Nobels Awarded, For Gas-Mask Bras and More · · Score: 5, Funny

    A full beer bottle is prone to break at the neck due to the air bubble retracting into the cap area during swinging (assuming you are holding it by the neck, which you should if you have any sense at all). If it breaks at the neck when you hit, you end up with shards of glass on yourself rather than on your opponent.

    I'm interested in why pregnant women don't tip over. I'm trying hard to avoid bringing bovines into the comparison.

    I'd be interested in seeing the combined study, determining whether it is easier to knock over a pregnant woman with an empty or full beer bottle. (This may depend on whether it is the pregnant woman who did the emptying.)

  9. Re:The worst offenders on Fake Antivirus Overwhelming Scanners · · Score: 1

    It's really sad when the company provides their own removal tool. It works, but it makes you wonder why they don't just fix the uninstaller...

    If you think that's sad, wait til you hear about the Norton Removal Tool Removal Tool

  10. it's like a wheelchair for on Honda's Answer To the Segway · · Score: 1

    the mentally handicapped

  11. Re:MIT Gaydar should be Facebook app on MIT Project "Gaydar" Shakes Privacy Assumptions · · Score: 1

    That's not just a gay issue.. just ask any teenager (and quite a few adults)

    believe me, I've asked every teenager, and every adult. so far, it's been a continuous string of rejections.

  12. Re:No moral fibre on Mafia Sinks Ships Containing Toxic Waste · · Score: 1

    Well to be honest, morals and ethics are just trivial rules communally agrees upon by a society. We find it unethical, perhaps even immoral, to have sex with a 14 year old. But even our own society less than 200 years ago saw nothing unusual in 40 year old men marrying 14 year old girls.

    well, to be fair, we would have no problem with those same people marrying today, although the wedding would perhaps be a macabre affair.

  13. Re:So... on Google Data Liberation Group Seeks To Unlock Data · · Score: 2, Funny

    You should. If you are not jealous and trust her, she'll feel more "free" in the relationship and stay with you. On the other hand, if you keep watching her and always remind her that she's yours, she'll get away.

    this is one of those situations where either solution will work, just don't use half measures. It's either "complete freedom" or "manacled in a half-mile deep concrete bunker somewhere in a remote region of desert in New Mexico." Mutual respect and devotion, or such abject desolation as sucks out the will to live, leaving a mere husk of a living thing groveling at one's feet for death. Every relationship is different, and romance is always about surprises, so don't hesitate to go with your instincts.

  14. Re:Is our economy so bad... on Dinosaur Auction In Las Vegas · · Score: 4, Funny

    Just so some sad sack can own a little piece of eternity.

    eternity, hell. I'm covering that trex in papier mache and glitter, filling it with hookers and blow, and making the world's most kickass birthday pinata.

  15. Re:Important emails on Boston City Government Discovers Email Retention · · Score: 1

    Those types of personal vices are rather inconsequential to being a good civil servant.

    the only problem with such vices is the possibility of blackmail influencing policy decisions. unfortunately, that is a big problem, because there is little reason to trust a given politician will put the public interest before his career.

  16. Re:No retention? on Boston City Government Discovers Email Retention · · Score: 5, Funny

    No one ever said that a firefighter had to be smart. All that is required is that he is ballsy, understands how fires work, how to control fires, and is able and willing to obey orders.

    I speak as a graduate of the U.S. Navy's finest fire fighting training. ;^)

    With all due respect, Navy firefighters have it easy. All you need to put out the fire is a corkscrew long enough to bore through the hull.

  17. Re:A Waste? on China Admits Use of Death-Row Organs · · Score: 1

    Welcome to human nature.

    Why do you think those "reality shows" and afternoon "talk shows" are so popular? Because they show real life and because they give you a real impression of other people's lives, because people are actually genuinely interested how others are doing? Bullcrap. They're popular because they give people someone to point at and say "Gee, I'm not that good... but I'm still way better than them!". It makes people feel good because they can look down at someone and feel good about themselves because they're not as bad off as someone else. I have no job but at least I have fewer bottles lying around in my living room than that bum there. My son smokes and drinks, but at least he's not a deadbeat like that boy at Super Nanny.

    Aspiring to something bigger would require work. Looking down at someone else is much easier.

    I guess that explains the failure of my own reality show "So Much Richer Than You"

  18. Re:The obvious answer on Time Denies Issuing DMCA Over Obama Joker Image · · Score: 2, Funny

    It explains so much.

    the fact that you live in a dank cave surrounded by computer equipment, sporting sweatpants that fit like leotards, and communicating to the world via a pseudonym?

  19. Re:Duh! on Writing Style Fingerprint Tool Easily Fooled · · Score: 2, Funny

    how fast can you generate a text that (a) says what you intend and (b) does not point to you? Very fast, I'd wager.

    as fast as: type it out, auto-translate it into french, auto-translate it back into: "the person who is being hated by myself is to be killed by myself by employment of the method of the bomb conflagration saving if it is the case that I am receiving the stipend of an amount that is one million of dollars. sandwich."

  20. Re:FOSS, maybe? on Digsby IM Client Quietly Installs Badware · · Score: 3, Funny

    Why people never mention Miranda? It's probably the best free & open-source client for Windows, so much better than Pidgin.

    because anything you say via Miranda can and will be used against you in a court of law

  21. how did they get Wiktionary into a usable format? on Apple Balks, Finally Relents, At Possible User Queries of Dictionary App · · Score: 1

    I'm curious how they converted Wiktionary into a format usable for this project. Lots of people use Wordnet because there's already a SQL version so it's easy.. I would love to use wiktionary but I couldn't figure out how to turn it into SQL. (I made a site that lets me create vocab quizzes for students using words I select, but it employs Wordnet, which does kind of suck.) I should mention that the answer could be obvious as I just code LAMP as a hobby, but I would love to know how to do it.

  22. Re:Offline Wiktionary ? on Apple Balks, Finally Relents, At Possible User Queries of Dictionary App · · Score: 1

    is there an easy way to convert the XML into a SQL database? I looked at using Wiktionary to make a quiz program to teach students words (ie, I type in a list of words, and it quizzes them on the definitions), but I couldn't figure out how to do that so I used Wordnet instead (which is not as good as wiktionary)

  23. Re:August on Navigating a Geek Marriage? · · Score: 1

    Add to this:

    • try to see the other persons side from their point of view even if you don't agree with it - it will lead to better understanding of your partners thought process.
    • Listen to what they are saying without judgment, without trying to second guess or control them or their thoughts.
    • Remain calm no matter what - lose your temper and you lose control of your self and your side of the discussion/argument.
    • Again, remember to listen without interruption - actually hear what your partner is saying without judgement.
    • Sometimes you have to lose the battle to win the war. Even if you know you are right. Later the truth of the matter will often reveal itself.

    It's worked for me and my wife for almost 30 years now. Good luck!

    whenever I see marital advice that is equally relevant to solving the Israel/Palestine crisis, it makes me think twice about the whole idea of matrimony.

  24. Re:August on Navigating a Geek Marriage? · · Score: 3, Funny

    Going to bed angry breeds resentment.

    ain't that the truth. in my case, it was 18 years of resentment. and then I had to pay to send resentment to college.

  25. Re:August on Navigating a Geek Marriage? · · Score: 3, Funny

    Have fun - marriage is to make your life better. If it is not going to make it better - why bother?

    alimony