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User: vorlich

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  1. Larry Niven is... on Finnish Electric Solar Sail Nears Implementation · · Score: 0, Offtopic

    God.

  2. Breaking news on slashdot just in... on Weak Rivets May Have Sped Sinking of Titanic · · Score: 1

    The Titanic has struck a BF iceberg in mid-Atlantic and sunk with a substantial number of casualties.
    Rivets are already being lined up to take the blame.
    Also in the news: The scores are in for Piltdown man's final test series
    and why experts now think the walls of Jericho fell down as a result of poor quality mortar.
    But first today's big story on how Global Warming brought an end to the Roman Empire.
    .. it says here.

  3. The Russians are more likely to build.. on Russia To Build an Orbital Construction Plant · · Score: 1
    1. More branches of Ikea, supermarkets and shopping centres
    2. more infrastructure especially roads in order to connect the huge nation,
    3. more of those insulated oil rigs to exploit Siberian reserves,
    4. more really big machines to exploit all their other natural resources,
    5. more manufacturing to supply the domestic demand among the young population who in the main can't remember anything about the former Soviet Union,
    6. more fast food outlets,
    7. more nuclear power plants
    8. more representative local democracies,
    9. More schools and universities
    10. more middle class members of the population


    after which history of course comes to an ...
  4. MIxing your brand loyalties improves the quality on The Wrath of the Apple Tribe · · Score: 3, Funny

    of your life. It is a well known fact that people who wear Burberry are much more succesful when it comes to fights in pubs. Individuals who are totally Macced-Out tend (from the observations I made during my years in the Licensed Trade) to fair less well during pub fights. They are usually not amongst the "Early Exiters", that group of society who can exit a pub in the blink of an eye during a fight. This is because their need to carefully pack or stow their branded products uses up valuable time.

    Nor are they amongs the "Early Retaliators", that group of society who are able to optimise their probability calculating skills and go for an early, but strategic smack down. They are usually checking that they did indeed transfer the Bjork/featuring Skunk Anansi remix of Army of Me and it is on their playlist.

    Unfortunately they are not amongst the "Early Avoiders" either, that group of society who demonstrate advanced cognitive process and geo-spatial awareness by hiding in the corner (or the toilet) and easily avoid flying fists, Doc martens, chairs, bottles or even the MacBook Air. This is because the Macced-Out tend to congregate around the pub juke box in order to complain about the appalling lack of interoperability and/or Portishead's third album. Sadly the Juke Box shares its high fight-loci rating with the one-armed-bandit (although the Macced-Out sensibly never go near that)

    This strategic imbalance in pubs is further aggravated by the absence of "target acquisition" and "engage RPG" items on the iPhone Menu. However all of this will change when Apple once again catch Microsoft unprepared with the release of their iChair.

    Heav clanking sound of lid closing tightly on my iBunker...

  5. The brotherhood o the simmit on BBC Micro Creators Reunite In London · · Score: 1

    Shuggie's wee bruvver was posh. He had made his fortune grinding up Glasgow Council bucket lids (pre-wheelie bin era) and selling them to students in half quarter deals of Black. He lived in Hillhead (not far from the specialist bike shop in Gibson Street) and he of course owned a Mark III Cortina (the 1.6 ).The back seat was full of all the Shoppers he hadn't bother to deliver that week, so they dumped half of them outside The Ubiquitous Chip and crammed the Archimedes boxes in. But with no Road Tax, MOT, Insurance or driving license, I suspect he would have avoided the M8 (too many video cameras even in 1993) and gone past Glasgow Uni before sneaking through Partick, which was the Wild West then, and crossed the river at Victoria Park.

    At least that's what my younger brother did...

  6. Aah the joyful sound of history being improved- on BBC Micro Creators Reunite In London · · Score: 1

    I have never heard this computer described as "a beeb". It was always described as "one of those expensive BBC Acorns that only the children of the wealthy and schools have." This sounds like something invented by a Public Relations person from "The Beeb". I can quite easily imagine that all those 18 year-old ipod-wearing-skateboarding-dudes employed as executives by "Auntie BBC" or plain old "Auntie" would come up with something like this.

    I do remember a colleague of ours at Glasgow University Dept of Computing Science, bought the last ever high end model (the Archimedes A400) of with all of his inheritance windfall because it would run Linux or possibly even Unix ( it was 1993 and Linus Torvalds had only just finished primary school probably with a post graduate doctorate on the abacus and the slackware distro was available as a download of 25 floppy disks...). He had arranged delivery to the faculty, probably because he had a student flat somewhere in Hillhead (!) and didn't want to risk it being stolen. Almost every member of the two research teams came out to stare in wonder and incredulity at the idea of spending over a grand on something that was so close to extinction you could almost hear it sighing.
    "is that all there is?" asked my friend Charles, his voice rising a full octave, quite flabbergasted that all you got for your gbp1300 was a monitor, cpu, mouse and keyboard. (I might be wrong about the mouse)

    Just imagine if it had been stolen - the police would have been looking for a thief with very little knowledege of computer hardware...
    SCENE IN GLASGOW PUB NOT A MILLION MILES FROM GOVAN
    Chick "How's it goan Shug? Whit's thet yu'v goat there, been on the rob huv yae?"
    Shug "Sum idjit had yin of them computurrs sent tae his student flat in Hillhead, right next doar tae ma wee bruvver. So we baith nicked it. Naw bad, huh?"
    Chick "Shug, yoo are a bawheidet clown. Huv you naw goan an stolen an effin Archimedes A400."
    Shug "Haw, wait a minit, thet's a pure crackin computurr"
    Chick "A crackin computurr wee man? Iz thet right. It disnae even run Windows 3.1 so its nae use tae onyone."......
    Sounds of heavy object landing in skip behind a pub not a million miles from Govan.

  7. For a budget of 5 million US Dollars on The Army's $10M Spy Bat Still Too Big · · Score: 1

    I will personally train as many real bats as they need.

  8. Hmmm... missed the opportunity to on Air Force Cyber Command General Answers Slashdot Questions · · Score: 1

    go completely off topic and mention the Old Orifice. However, on a brighter note I could still be modded down for off topic cliche ridden childishness about Stargate.

    Mind you that would be a good list if only someone would accidentally publish it... here.

  9. All well and good... on Air Force Emails Sensitive Information to Tourism Site · · Score: -1, Offtopic

    But did they release the co-ordinates for the present location of the Chappa'ai? Now that would be a service to tourism.

  10. While we are on the subject on Bill Allows Teachers to Contradict Evolution · · Score: 1

    I would like to contradict the view that any novel by Eric Blair (George Orwell) is worth reading. To that list I wish to add
    Jane Eyre and anything written by Charles Dickens (well okay - a Christmas Carol is not too bad...).
    Any French novel about letters or about anyone poisoning anyone else, especially their husband.
    Brave New World or any other novel where scientists go mad and create a future dystopia.
    Any book about a crazy spanish dude and his mate.
    Any book about whales and hunting them.
    Anything by the Bronte sisters apart from Emily's Goff classic.
    Anything that won the Booker prize (or any other prize with the exception of the Hugo & Nebula) unless Thomas Keneally wrote it.
    Anything by Salmon Rustie, William Faulkner, James Joyce, Nabakov, V. S. Naipaul, D.H. Lawrence, Franz Kafka, Milan blooming Kundera, Anthony Burgess, (especially A Clockwork Orange) and Günter Grass (especially the Tin Drum)
    Any play by Samuel Beckett.

    I also contradict the right of teachers to discuss the conflicting virtues of Jane Austen and Thomas Hardy.
    I would also like to contradict the right of Heads of Departments to exist.

    One of the added benefits of this will mean that all those fifth form twats who think they are going to be Rock Stars, will have to go back to calling themselves the Brian Hughes Swingsters instead of some naff phrase they pinched from Kafka.
    **Some readers might need to pay attention to the next line.

  11. As english speaking slashdots only on German Court Abolishes German Snooping Law · · Score: 5, Insightful

    Scottish Bavarian ... I have mentioned on a number of occasions that the constitution of the Bundesrepublik is very similar to the US constitution but at least 27 pages longer and offering even greater protection to the rights of the individual.

    Now the millstones of the German legal system grind exceedingly slower than those of the UK or the US and rights are commonly regarded as having greater weight post court ruling (for anthropological reasons that are too long to repeat) but grind they do and once the grinding is done, the constitution rules.

    The Germans are a people who are really good at learning from past mistakes (the foundation of their superb engineering skills) and the constitution is modelled as the absolute antithesis to lawlessness of that brief reign of the National Socialists.

    As for the church tax (Kirchensteuer) contrary to the propaganda of amongst others, the Scientologists, that is a relic of the historical development of the Principalities post Holy Roman Empire when the Princes were responsible for the care and maintenance of the Catholic Church - which was the state religion until Martin Luther's protestant revolution. You can opt out of the tax by completing a form at the Rathaus - there is no need to lie.

    When viewed properly from the wide angled lens of history, Germany is an example of a nation that evolved into a very liberal and tolerant society of highly cultured citizens (sometimes to the point of affectatiousness it is true - but you know every family has its oddballs) and every level of society is affected by this native tolerance. So when you read other posts here that mention Adolf, police states, restriction of the rights of the individual - take it from a native Auslander - it is merely the stereotypical FUD we often see here.

    I know, humour gets you more mod points but sometimes even I have to be serious.

  12. Pranks from the chalk face for fun and profit on Internet Pranks in Schools · · Score: 4, Funny

    I have said many times on slashdot that school is in fact a prison. The inmates generally despise the jailers and unless you wish to spiral off into an alcohol induced early retirement a sustained level of pranking is all that will keep you going.

    A long time ago in a galaxy far away, I always used to dress completely in black for the first day of term - suit, tie, shirt the lot - Gothed up to the max. I wore those pinz-nez glasses on a chord around my neck so that when I addressed a student, I had to peer over the top of them. Scared the living daylights out of the little darlings.

    There were five IMacs in my tutorial room and each one had the clock set 3 minutes ahead of its neighbour. The macs pipped, pinged and giggled on the hour, on the half hour and on the quarter hour. Drove some students mad but drove my boss madder. Students of course cannot work Imacs and were unable to retaliate even when I sent them (for stats practical) to determine the total consumption of potatoes and KFC (popular foods in that part of Scotland!) amongst their fellow students.

    I told them that the air conditioning system on the roof was a penthouse apartment, that another male lecturer, who dyed his hair and moustache(?) a charming shade of mahogany, had an unusual genetic condition and that was his natural colour.

    When students asked me where I had acquired all my computing skills I told them I learned them in Bar-L (The Scottish High Security Prison). When they asked me for an idea for the cover of the college magazine I suggested a crop circle in the shape of the college logo set in a potato field. When they were stumped for a design for the same magazine, I had them lay it out like one of those airline mags, although, rather disturbingly, this was regarded as award winning work.

    When my departmental head suggested the college have a top 100 books online poll, I had my students rig it so that Larry Niven's Ringworld was number one and Jane Eyre (her choice) was last! They also added 80 other hilarious titles. My head of department avoided contact with students at all costs and conducted most of her business via email. This was in the days before account verification so I regularly signed her up for every newsletter that had even the slightest connection with our faculty subjects. She was under the delusion that these internet sites had sought her out because she was so important a figure in the world of education...

    My college circulated a monthly staff suggestions form (probably to comply with some iso 9001 crap). I regularly suggested painting our corridors light pink to calm down difficult students. When I missed my flu jab I jokingly suggested that they implement a college wide vaccination program. Not only did they take up the idea, they awarded me 100 pounds for making such a practical suggestion.

    All of this pales into insignificance when I think that I could have sold the damn place on Ebay!

  13. How to recycle flat cola... on Kimchi in Space · · Score: 2, Interesting

    Add Jack Daniels, that way you render two drinks of questionable palate into a passable embrocation. It's off topic, I know, but hey this is slashdot and they are brands on par with Microsoft.

  14. With this post on One Computer to Rule Them All · · Score: 1

    Slashdot has truly become the center of all wit in the universe.

    We are unworthy.

  15. Count us... on Duke Nukem Forever 'Confirmed' For Late 2008 · · Score: 1

    Our name is legion.

  16. Re:12 Years Duke Nukem 3D on Duke Nukem Forever 'Confirmed' For Late 2008 · · Score: 2, Interesting

    Just over ten years ago, in 1997 my girlfriend and I danced around the apartment for at least fifteen minutes after she had finally killed the giant boss in the arena with (if my elderly memory serves me correctly,) the machine-gun. It was by far the best and hardest victory over a computer game ever and even getting the Warthog to the spaceship in Halo 1 was well.. an anti-climax. The Duke's hilarious remarks were killer, one of the best being "In an ideal world, you'd already be dead." and "Shake it baby, shake it" still works for me.

    I have the DN port on my present machine and while Final Fantasy 12 on the PS2 and Oblivion on the Xbox 360 command my attention, I still find time to while away the hours shooting out urinals. I wasn't quite five years old when Alan B Shepherd made the first sub-orbital space flight and had to wait a long, long time for computers, computer games and mobile phones to arrive,(I shall try not to mention flying cars, those bastards) so I am hoping to play DNF before I collect my first pension payment.

    Those 10 years ... they were like the blink of an eye.

  17. Umbongo on U2's Manager Calls For Mandatory Disconnects For Music Downloaders · · Score: 1

    Back in the 90's I saw U2 live at Celtic park. It cost me at least 30 GBP and the journey and refreshments cost another 30 GBP. At
    that time I owned almost all of their CD catalogue - average price 15 GBP's each.
    Then they started cracking on about cancelling the Third World Debt and being UN Peace Envoys or whatever it was that made smash hits christen Bono "Umbongo".
    Then they shifted all their finances offshore to avoid paying taxes in Ireland.
    At this point I decided to mandatorily disconnect myself from any further consumption of their materials.
    Dinosaurs!

  18. Cool... but off topic sadly on Can Sun Make MySQL Pay? · · Score: 1

    A mechanical pencil always sounds as if it is going to be a really cool piece of kit, with levers, lots of hydraulics and wheels... perhaps Sun will give one away free with open solaris next time - Proprietary Mysql, I mean. But sure a mechanical pencil would be cool too.

  19. But getting back to the fish... on Former OLPC CTO Aims to Create $75 Laptop · · Score: 1

    Hans Rosling has shown that the fundamental variable in the development of society is the improvement of health care. Once the health of a country is improved it moves inexorably towards a better standard of life.
    http://www.ted.com/index.php/talks/view/id/92%3E%3E%3E%3E%3E%3E%3E+.r1885 - it's a 21 minute video that also proves monkeys are smarter than Professors.

    Karl Marx, held the opinion that improvements in society were a result of the invention of the railways which provided low cost travel for activists to travel around encouraging the creation of trade unions and cooperatives. Andrew Carnegie's donation of libraries to Scotland and his other philanthropic activities are often presented as evidence of the effects of a fair distribution of knowledge. Neither of these innovations provided the level of observable improvement in living conditions for the average Scottish citizen. Improvements to living standards only began to appear post 1947 when universal free health care became a canon of British society. Children were vaccinated, millk and vitamins were provided free, schools dinners were subsidised or free and health checks were a normal event at primary school. So while I welcome the development of low-priced gadgets and anything else that might have a useful application anywhere in the world and have no doubt that it will be important, I would encourage everyone not to assume what impact sexy products such as these will have.

  20. The future may not be the one imagined in slash. on The Future of Love and Sex - Robots · · Score: 1

    You might want to consider her ways http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Consider_Her_Ways

  21. Re:What Balderdash! on KDE 4 Uses 40% Less Memory Than 3 Despite Eye-Candy · · Score: 2, Funny

    Britney...? Come now, I'm sure you who you really meant was Natalie Portman.

  22. T-mobile on German Court Rules iPhone Locking Legal · · Score: 1

    in this case is T-Mobile GmbH the German company and not the British Company. Like most Network it is a multi-national corporation. I know this because they are my network and cost only 18 euros per month. From the television coverage of the iphone launch in Germany there were neither massed hordes waiting outside the shops nor people with an excess of brain cells buying the phones. Most looked as if they were unable to rationally distinguish between an overpriced phone and a poke in the eye with a sharp stick.

  23. The Dutch Foreign Minister to Israel on Babelfish Sparks Minor Diplomatic Row · · Score: 1

    is Maxime Verhagen and he certainly appears to have a) better things to do and b) a lot more important things to already contend with than to worry about some alleged nonsense from lalaland. If you check through the 'news' sites and blogs from the Jerusalem Post - the origin of the story you find not one single source of attribution not one, if you switch to the Dutch sites, the only thing they add is the ministers name - well they would know that if they were journalists wouldn't they? The alleged English of the message is such complete drivel it could have been a Modern Talking hit from the 80's.

    Until evidence presents itself to the contrary you can file this story under 'Not True'

  24. Re:Plagarism! I can only respond ...(cont) on Time Dimension To Become Space-like · · Score: 1

    Apologies for the broken link. Attempt 2: http://mclean-campbell.com/postcards/Don'tPanic/dp.htm

  25. Re:Plagarism! on Time Dimension To Become Space-like · · Score: 1

    I can only respond with the following image.