Domain: jumpstation.ca
Stories and comments across the archive that link to jumpstation.ca.
Comments · 25
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Twit of the year
Isn't it about time Twitter got it's own topic icon?
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Re:Taking the piss
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Re:Intercourse the penguins
To all the deprived posters here:
http://www.jumpstation.ca/recroom/comedy/python/penguins.html
TV Announcer: That was episode two of "The Death of Mary, Queen of Scots", adapted radio by Bernard Hollowood and Brian London. And now, Radio 4 will explode.
(The radio explodes
Two old women are sitting on the couch listening to the radio when it explodes. One looks at the other.)First Old Woman (Graham Chapman): We'll have to watch the telly then.
Second Old Woman (John Cleese): Yes.
First Old Woman: Well, what's on the television then?
Second Old Woman: It looks like a penguin.
(On the TV set there is indeed a penguin. It sits contentedly looking at them in a stuffed sort of way. There is nothing on the screen.)
First Old Woman: No, no, no, I didn't mean what was on the television set, I meant what programme?
Second Old Woman: Oh.
(The Second Old Women goes to the TV, switches it on and returns to her chair. The set takes a long time to warm up and produce a picture. During this pause the following conversation takes place.)
Second Old Woman: It's funny that penguin being there, innit? What's it doing there?
First Old Woman: Standing.
Second Old Woman: I can see that!
First Old Woman: If it lays an egg it will fall down the back of the Television set.
Second Old Woman: We'll have to watch that.
(pause) Unless it's a male.First Old Woman: Ooh, I never thought of that.
Second Old Woman: Yes, looks fairly butch.
First Old Woman: Perhaps it comes from next door.
Second Old Woman: Penguins don't come from next door,
they come from the Antarctic.First Old Woman: BURMA!
(sound of tea spoon being dropped into tea cup)Second Old Woman: Why did you say Burma?
First Old Woman: I panicked.
Second Old Woman: Oh. Perhaps it's from the Zoo.
First Old Woman: Which zoo?
Second Old Woman: How should I know which Zoo?
I'm not Dr. Bloody Bronowski!!First Old Woman: How does Dr. Bronowski know which zoo it came from?
Second Old Woman: He knows everything!
First Old Woman: Oh, I wouldn't like that, it would take the mystery out of life. Anyway if it was from the zoo it would have 'Property of the Zoo' stamped on it!
Second Old Woman: No it wouldn't, They don't stamp animals 'Property of the Zoo'!!! You couldn't stamp a huge lion.
First Old Woman: They stamp them when they're small.
Second Old Woman: What happens when they moult?
First Old Woman: Lions don't moult!
Second Old Woman: No, but penguins do. There, I've run rings around you logically.
First Old Woman: OH, INTERCOURSE THE PENGUIN!!
(On the TV screen there now appears an announcer)
TV Announcer: Hello. It's just gone 8 o'clock and time for the penguin on top of your television set to explode.
(The penguin on top of the set now explodes.)
First Old Woman: How did he know that was going to happen?!
TV Announcer:
It was an inspired guess. And now ... -
The British have a similar but lethal audible one.
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Re:New Scientist
Can I just say here, pipinguy, for one moment that I have a new theory about the brontosaurus?
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Re:Why is this marked as funny?
Hopefully, these will clear things up: http://www.jumpstation.ca/recroom/comedy/python/l
i on.html http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XMOmB1q8W4Y -
Re:Unslashdotted links
...study Architecture and build real schools! Just imagine the horrors
Sure, laugh now. Have you ever seen the Monty Python architect sketch? -
Re:"Hammer and anvil"?
Ok, how does it work when they, as monkeys do, attack us with a banana.
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Consider the Raspberry..
As the Colonel points out Fruits can be Very Dangerous indeed http://www.jumpstation.ca/recroom/comedy/python/b
a nana.html -
Re:The British BPI say its illegalWhen you download from allofmp3.com, your computer is making a copy and you are causing it to do so. This is a clear copyright violation, and it's a criminal offence if the user knows this.
I don't believe the law could be so stupid. As I said earlier, if it were true, you couldn't use a computer or the Internet at all. Copies are created all over the place every time you access a file. If the file is created legally, and transferred to one person, it should be irrelevant if it was on physical media or down a wire.
it doesn't have the right to licence downloads in the UK
Why is one needed? Does a Russian shortwave station need a UK licence if someone in the UK is listening? Is there actually a "licence to download"? Where would one apply for such? The Ministry of Housinge?
Bascially, I see this a a grey market at worst. No one's copyrights are being violated. The record companies can claim their fees in Moscow, but fail to do so.
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Re:Ugh, what a name
Couldn't agree less.
Given any symbol, humans are capable of overloading its meaning in spoken language.
Monty Python "explored" this concept: http://www.jumpstation.ca/recroom/comedy/python/nu dge.html -
Sex machine?
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Re:Only 5 minutes??s / quickly escorted off either by trained guards or another piece of machinery for re-classification / conveyed further along in extreme comfort, past murals depicting Mediterranean fishing scenes, toward the rotating knives. The last hundred feet are heavily soundproofed, The blood drains into these gutters, and the mangled flesh slurps into..."
"Excuse me."
"Yes?"
"Did you say knives?"
"Ah, rotating knives, yes."
"Are you proposing to simply slaughter the suspects? Without trial?"
"Yes, does that not fit in with your plans? You see, I mainly design slaughterhouses."
"Actually, that's perfect. Do you own an apron and trowel, by any chance?"
(With apologies to Monty Python
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Re:Excellent.
Hmmm, maybe that explains this.
The only thing I know for sure about Cleese is that he is funny and tall. -
Re:It is not really art unless you feel something.
Does this remind anyone of the Monty Python skit where they use mathematicians to create the world's funniest joke,
"This man is Ernest Scribbler... writer of jokes. In a few moments, he will have written the funniest joke in the world... and, as a consequence, he will die... laughing."
http://www.jumpstation.ca/recroom/comedy/python/jo ke.html -
Coming Soon
They'll soon be able to have a contest for Upper Class Robotic Twit of the Year.
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Re:they should get a clue
If I want to send you to my web site, I don't give you my IP address, I give you my host name. However, if I want you to call my cell, I have to give you my cell phone number.
By accident I got a phone number which translates to a nice, easy to remember word. Hence, I always give the word instead of the number. So, when I get a new carrier, I just need to find some other numbers that spell the same word
:) (Trust me, someone, somewhere thinks that makes sense.)As for the guy who wants to keep his IP, I think he is a twit. Obligatory Monty Python link here
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Re:Future of armed infantry
It requires an image to be project on the material.
Actually it's worse than that. It requires the image be projected from the onlooker's point of view. That's what they mean by HMP (==head-mounted projector) So for army dudes to use this, they'd have to actually run up to the enemy, and surreptitiously slap a projector on the head of each bad guy they wanted to hide from, then run back and go about their business of avoiding detection. There's probably a greater liklihood of success basing your military tactics on lethally funny jokes. -
Re:Hmmm...
"red glowing lights in front and back what will make it stand out in the dark"
How can I trust their case mods if I can't even trust their grammar?
Sounds like British grammar: "It's people like you what cause unrest."
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Re:The Original Python Skit is the 'Fish License'`Strewth. To Wit:
Fish Licence Customer: Hello, I would like to buy a fish license, please.
Shopkeeper: A what?
Customer: A license for my pet fish, Eric.
Shopkeeper: How did you know my name was Eric?
Customer: No no no, my fish's name is Eric, Eric the fish. He's an halibut..... -
Re:An image
The tenants arrive here and are carried along the corridor on a conveyor belt in extreme comfort, past murals depicting Mediterranean scenes, towards the rotating knives. The last twenty feet of the corridor are heavily soundproofed.
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Re:what's the difference?Why would you replace guns with humor?
Its more effective than harsh language
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Re:Not really news...
Reminds me of the Monty Python funniest joke ever sketch where the English had to translate the joke into German one word by different researchers none of them would accidentally die.
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Re:The funniest joke
The joke goes like this:
"Wenn ist das Nunstruck git und Slotermeyer? Ja! Beiherhund das Oder die Flipperwaldt gersput!"
Here's the complete script of that episode.
By the way, the joke doesn't make any sense in German - most of the words have no meaning at all (Nunstruck, git, Beiherhund, Flipperwaldt and gersput can't be found in any German dictionary).
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all bark, but it still bites
Remember that anyone can write a Cease and Desist letter. Remember that lawyers are not required to be honest in such letters.
Their job is to convince the "offending" person that it would be a bad idea to piss off their employer. The C&D is basically a more business-like version of sending a 200 pound hired goon to your door.