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We need to do more.

http://www.theonion.com/content/node/28694

You want more blades? Gillette has your answer, and you'd BETTER like it!!!

These humans must have been part of a different build branch then.

I wonder what happened to them?

Yeah, I use adblock because, ever since I got rid of my TV, I can't stand advertisements. I'm glad I'm free of the idiot box!

Because someday, in the near (or far) future, the birthdate of Smokey may be of critical interest. http://www.theonion.com/content/node/50902 ;)

Actually, he might be dealing with more urgent issues -- not that it would make much difference.

Yes, the old "tv is too idiotic for me" thing...

Go to youtube and tell me that TV is more of an idiot box than that flash player.

I believe I saw a bit of news about you the other day...

http://www.theonion.com/content/node/28694

You sound familiar.

This would all be solved if the rest of you would just use public transportation so I could get to work faster.

After this slip up http://www.theonion.com/content/video/diebold_accidentally_leaks Diebold should be cheap.

After the recent Diebold fiasko, their stock has hit record bottom http://www.theonion.com/content/video/diebold_accidentally_leaks

• An arbitrary number of years (2, 5, or 17) would be able to be "fair" across the spectrum of patentable ideas
• How a system like this could actually be implemented such that it prevents corporations from usurping power over individuals

That and the 5-blade gilette. I think there were even more.

Actually, the sad thing is that the Onion tends to predict things more accurately than the pundits. I mean, they even predicted how the Bush presidency would go back when it began. For instance, this article from January 17, 2001. Perhaps William Kristolnacht should write for the Onion and let some of the Onion people write serious news.

What Flash? Oh, you must mean the one I just blocked. Make your ad blocker of choice block this: http://www.theonion.com/content/themes/common/assets/videoplayer/flvplayer.swf
Or better yet, this:
http://www.theonion.com/*

Did the author check the sources?

http://www.theonion.com/content/video/diebold_accidentally_leaks

WTF???

I can't help but be reminded of this article:
Pharmaceutical Company Says Its New Anti-Depressant Is 'Worthless And Dumb'

I know! The same thing happened with my Roomba recently. I still shudder every time I hear a vacuum cleaner in the distance.

Probably 12, since we're apparently going for petty oneupmanship with the number of cores we slap on a piece of silicon these days.

It makes we wonder why Intel just doesn't go "You know what? 100 cores, bitches. You heard us," kind of like these guys. :)

They could have gone to 3 cores, like the competition. That seems like the logical thing to do, but they said "Fuck it, we're going to six". What part of this don't you understand? If two cores is good, and four cores is better, obviously six cores would make them the best fucking CPU that ever existed.

http://www.theonion.com/content/node/33930
/I'm just waiting for the day Intel says "this one goes to 11"

Here's an excerpt from a recent internal memo that was leaked to a popular news website. Interestingly, it seems to indicate that AMD actually had the tri-core Phenom ready before the quad-core one:

'[...]Well, fuck it. We're going to five cores.

Sure, we could go to four cores next, like the competition. That seems like the logical thing to do. After all, two worked out pretty well, and four is the next power of two after two. So let's play it safe. Let's make a bigger L2 cache and call it the Phenom SuperTurbo. Why innovate when we can follow? Oh, I know why: Because we're a business, that's why!

[...]Here's the report from Engineering. Someone put it in the bathroom: I want to wipe my ass with it. They don't tell me what to invent -- I tell them. And I'm telling them to stick two more cores in there. I don't care how. Make the cores so small they're invisible. Put some on the pins. I don't care if they have to cram the fifth core in perpendicular to the other four, just do it!

[...]People said we couldn't go to three. It'll cost a fortune to manufacture, they said. Well, we did it. Now some egghead in a lab is screaming "Five's crazy?" Well, perhaps he'd be more comfortable in the labs at VIA, working on fucking embedded chips. SOC, my white ass!

[...]Stop. I just had a stroke of genius. Are you ready? Open your mouth, baby birds, cause Mama's about to drop you one sweet, fat nightcrawler. Here she comes: Put another cache on that fucker, too. That's right. Five cores, two caches, and make the second one prefetch. You heard me -- the second cache prefetches. It's a whole new way to think about computing. Don't question it. Don't say a word. Just key the music, and call the chorus girls, because we're on the edge -- the razor's edge -- and I feel like dancing.'

"There is no way an HMO can properly function bound by such a rule," said PhysCare-Plus member-accounts departmental supervisor Toby Francis. "HMOs must be free to disclose patients' medical, personal, and financial information to insurers. How else can we determine what treatments a patient is or isn't eligible to receive? If someone needs a new lung and they don't have the necessary funds to pay for it, how are we supposed to know not to perform the surgery? I can't tell you how many cost overruns have been rung up as a result of doctors providing life-saving operations in accordance with the Hippocratic Oath, only to find out afterwards that the patients weren't covered. In a case like that, the surgery turns out to be for nothing. I get burned up just thinking about it."

...

C'mon dude, at least site your alleged witticisms
theonion

http://www.theonion.com/content/node/33930

That's probably it. It's certainly my vision. When I think of web developers I can only think of this.

Everybody knows that "Theory of Gravity" is so flawed, but thankfully it's all been resolved with "Intelligent Falling"

This just in, from your citation assistant:
Evangelical Scientists Refute Gravity With New 'Intelligent Falling' Theory.

We've got White Guy, Asian Guy, white power-suit chick, asian chick, another white guy, a white guy in a wheelchair, and I'm not sure what Visual Studio Guy is supposed to be. But no black one! C'mon, even South Park knows that much. And right in the middle of Black History Month, too! I'm so mentally distraught. I'm going to sue them for twenty hojillion dollars.

However, I love that webcast guy giving the thumbs-up. I don't know what it is about that little guy, but I think they should make him the boss of the whole crew.

We should use this awesome technologie to help guide ill people.

Especially Paranoid Schizophrenics.

We can send them reassuring messages, like "you are not alone. we are there to get you (help)"

or warn them of imminent dangers, like which bus drivers hate them.

You know, this one.

You know, this one.

So, we should be expecting a retort from Intel something like this any day now?

For reference, see The Onion reference, "... We're doing five blades". (Rough language. If you're at a school maybe NSFW). From February, 2004. For the record, the Gillette Fusion with five blades and two lubricating strips was introduced in early 2006.

Hilarious though:

Here's the report from Engineering. Someone put it in the bathroom: I want to wipe my a?? with it. They don't tell me what to invent--I tell them. And I'm telling them to stick two more blades in there. I don't care how. Make the blades so thin they're invisible. Put some on the handle. I don't care if they have to cram the fifth blade in perpendicular to the other four, just do it!

You're taking the "safety" part of "safety razor" too literally, grandma. Cut the strings and soar. Let's hit it. Let's roll. This is our chance to make razor history. Let's dream big. All you have to do is say that five blades can happen, and it will happen. If you aren't on board, then .... you. And if you're on the board, then .... you and your father. Hey, if I'm the only one who'll take risks, I'm sure as hell happy to hog all the glory when the five-blade razor becomes the shaving tool for the U.S. of "this is how we shave now" A.

People said we couldn't go to three. It'll cost a fortune to manufacture, they said. Well, we did it. Now some egghead in a lab is screaming "Five's crazy?" Well, perhaps he'd be more comfortable in the labs at Norelco, working on #### electrics. Rotary blades, my white #!

I'm a big AMD fan but three cores are barely better than two. Buy it anyway - AMD needs to live if the computer market is to be bearable at all in ten years. Via makes some interesting stuff too - and they're not afraid to cut the watts and make them small. You can do some very neat stuff with a low watt CPU on a small board.

It doesn't take a great deal of insight to see we're going to 8 cores per processor on the desktop sometime in the next few years. Dual 16 core processors will happen within ten if competition keeps the pressure up. Personally I don't care if every core is on a separate slab of silicon as long as they integrate in the package well. Yields are better that way I imagine. Somebody tell them to get the watts down. Electricity is mostly made from CO2 emissions:

PCs worldwide consume about 80 billion kilowatt-hours of electricity every year.

For reference, see The Onion reference, "... We're doing five blades". (Rough language. If you're at a school maybe NSFW). From February, 2004. For the record, the Gillette Fusion with five blades and two lubricating strips was introduced in early 2006.

Hilarious though:

Here's the report from Engineering. Someone put it in the bathroom: I want to wipe my a?? with it. They don't tell me what to invent--I tell them. And I'm telling them to stick two more blades in there. I don't care how. Make the blades so thin they're invisible. Put some on the handle. I don't care if they have to cram the fifth blade in perpendicular to the other four, just do it!

You're taking the "safety" part of "safety razor" too literally, grandma. Cut the strings and soar. Let's hit it. Let's roll. This is our chance to make razor history. Let's dream big. All you have to do is say that five blades can happen, and it will happen. If you aren't on board, then .... you. And if you're on the board, then .... you and your father. Hey, if I'm the only one who'll take risks, I'm sure as hell happy to hog all the glory when the five-blade razor becomes the shaving tool for the U.S. of "this is how we shave now" A.

People said we couldn't go to three. It'll cost a fortune to manufacture, they said. Well, we did it. Now some egghead in a lab is screaming "Five's crazy?" Well, perhaps he'd be more comfortable in the labs at Norelco, working on #### electrics. Rotary blades, my white #!

I'm a big AMD fan but three cores are barely better than two. Buy it anyway - AMD needs to live if the computer market is to be bearable at all in ten years. Via makes some interesting stuff too - and they're not afraid to cut the watts and make them small. You can do some very neat stuff with a low watt CPU on a small board.

It doesn't take a great deal of insight to see we're going to 8 cores per processor on the desktop sometime in the next few years. Dual 16 core processors will happen within ten if competition keeps the pressure up. Personally I don't care if every core is on a separate slab of silicon as long as they integrate in the package well. Yields are better that way I imagine. Somebody tell them to get the watts down. Electricity is mostly made from CO2 emissions:

PCs worldwide consume about 80 billion kilowatt-hours of electricity every year.

Just making sure your references are noted ;)

Would someone tell me how this happened? We were the fucking vanguard of computing in this country. The Intel Pentium 4 was the CPU to own. Then the other guy came out with a 64 bit CPU. Were we scared? Hell, no. Because we hit back with a little thing called the Pentium 4 Extreme Edition. That's 3.2GHz and 2 MB of L2 cache. For performance. But you know what happened next? Shut up, I'm telling you what happened--the bastards went to two cores. Now we're standing around with our cocks in our hands, selling 3.2GHz and 2MB of L2 cache. Performance or no, suddenly we're the chumps. Well, fuck it. We're going to eight cores.

http://www.theonion.com/content/node/33930

[The reference is the 2004 Onion parody about a five bladed razor - presciently done just after the Gillette Mach3Turbo first appeared.]

Its possible that the inability of the rovers to locate any evidence of life may be due to a serious morale crisis. Here's an article with details.

I bet you're also proud of not owning a TV.

Jonathan? Is that you?

http://www.theonion.com/content/node/28694

i don't really want to rain on your parade, but i'd like to know if (and in the unlikely event of "if", when) a gov't-sponsered program has ever been eliminated? and when power that one administration has been "granted" has ever been retracted by the next? let's be real: it is power that these people crave and it is power that they will get - and keep, and, trust me (or don't), this includes obama, [especially] clinton, mccain. huckabee and romney, eh...paul i don't think so much, but he won't get elected by anything short of a revolution. i know there are other earlier candidates and maybe they really are interested in honest change. unfortunately they get destroyed by the public's (read media) interest in bullshit

Welcome area man!

Welcome area man!

Another area man!

http://www.theonion.com/content/node/28694/

Personally, I think this nonsense has more to do with xenophobia, racism, and political control than with combating actual terrorism.

Thank you, Captain Obvious.

Oh and check this out: Fear

http://origin.theonion.com/content/node/29351

Nobody in office gives a crap about what the people who actually know think.