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Elvira.

The perfect girl for your average computer nerd. Not at all standoffish. She's unusual, but so down-to-earth.
Who wouldn't feel right at home with her? A little off the wall for her to be hawking some complicated computer software, I have no idea what is was supposed to do from the advertisement. Must have been something from the old days before Netscape, when computers were supposed to do "office" and "business" stuff.
To see how far we have come, the decendants of Netscape are used everyday, all day in every office and business out there. Nevermind that the new-found purpose is to look on the internet for nice-looking girls like Elvira.
To prove my point, here are a few links to Elvira images for your enjoyment:

• Here's one. Appears to be an autographed picture of Elvira, no doubt sent to some lonely nerd.
  
• This one appears to be another advertisement featuring Elvira.
  
• In this shot, an impersonator does Elvira, right down to the creepy eye-plastic-surgery, which by the way would be a good conversation starter topic for anyone lucky enough to get a date with Elvira.
  
• Here we have Elvira on/in a game. Perhaps some of you have wasted your money on this one.
  
• Supposedly this is a picture of Elvira's car, apparently a T-Bird, with some spooky changes.
  
• Out selling vacuum cleaners, and you ring this doorbell, get greeted by Elvira and friends.
   

• This one was taken in 2003, you can tell it's really Elvira, because of the little dagger on her belt, with the red and green gemstones. (Elvira has been in show business for a while now, and she is not as young as she used to be, but who cares)
  
• Here is a photo of Elvira with her pet snake. Lots of wannabe Elvira's felt they had to have a snake too, mostly a bad idea, only Elvira herself knows how to handle the little varmits.
  
• OK, here's the best for last, showing lots of Elvira's legs, and her car. As you can see, that's a real car, based on a T-Bird, and those are real legs too.
  
• Here's a screenshot of some Elvira software. I have no idea what it does, and am returning to the image above, much more interesting.
  
  
  -- Rapidweather

http://user.tninet.se/~ecf599g/aardasnails/java/Mo nkey/webpages/index.html
The link above is to the Monkey Shakespeare Simulator. It gives you an idea of how long eventually has to be and what a large number infinity must be. When I checked, it had 2e75 monkeys typing. In all the time it has been running the best the monkeys have been able to do is way fewer than a hundred letters.

I'm not sure if the 'monkeys' will succeed within the life of the universe.

generally, you can recreate Hamlet in about 3 months with a team of 10 monkeys working 8 hours a day.
On the off chance you're serious, I disagree. There's one simulation on the web for infinite monkeys trying to write Shakespeare and the current record is 28 letters. Also, lacking a cite, but Slashdot at one point ran an article tracking an actual case of trying to get monkeys to write Shakespeare by introducing a computer into a cage. Mainly the monkeys smeared feces on it, but otherwise, they had a decidedly non-random tendency to type the same letter over and over again.

I heard they got 27 letters so far.

Ask and ye shall recieve:

Infinite Monkey Simulator

But since the OP mentioned Shakespeare and monkeys, don't forget to visit the

Monkey Shakespeare Simulator! :)

Hey, if you give me some funding, I might be able to arrange a speech for you..

Digital monkeys do a pretty reasonable job though (Java applet - simulates monkeys & keyboards, searches for Shakespeare)

Have you never played Delta?

Very true.

I guess all is not lost however, even without GPS the Nazi's somehow managed to do something simular with little more than gyroscopes...

Is that supposed to be a sentence, or has Hemos been playing around with the Monkey / Shakespeare Simulator again?

Actually, researchers from Plymouth University have already tried that, with little success. Of course, if you don't have live monkeys around, you may have to settle for this.

A monkey on a typewriter could type a page of random characters. It is impossible for a monkey to type a page from Shakespeare.

Don't be so sure.

...not a test of reasoning or judgement either, simply a monkey task...

Speaking for myself and the rest of my fellow simulated monkeys, it is my distinct displeasure to inform you that we resent that remark, deeply. Furthermore, we advise you not to try saying that to our simulated faces, lest you find yours decorated with our simulated 'calling cards', if you discern my inference. And, by the way, the answer is Georgetown, Guyana. (A "monkey task", indeed! A "gibbon task", more like it...)

A million monkeys can write Shakespeare...

Perhaps you'd like to visit The Monkey Shakespeare Simulator, which randomly attempts to duplicate Shakespeare's work (don't worry about legal aspects, you can generally assume it's out of copyright).

The current record is 20 letters from "Coriolanus" after 462,060,000,000 billion billion monkey-years. Sent in by Jens Ulrik Jacobsen from Denmark on 31 Aug 2004.
"1. Citizen. Before w ZgJ 8GPxwFnwvG&iX4tKfo("2ny!3Pp..."
matched
"1. Citizen. Before w e proceed any further, heare me speake All. Speake, speake 1.Cit. You are all resolu'd rather to dy then to famish? All. Resolu'd, resolu'd..."

This site is already testing the theory.

BTW, you may be interested in knowing that the Monkey Simulator has reached an all time record of 17 letters of "Troilus and Cressida"!

After 9,151,670 billion billion monkey-years, that is.

That logic just doesn't make sense. If I type a random bunch of characters, I *could* produce the works of Shakespeare.

Yes, you could. By attempting random combinations, you could achieve the proper result in about 3 times the amount of time it will take for the universe to reach its heat death. You can test the theory with this simulation. A quick search on Google also presents this math for the traditional Million Monkeys problem.

If I change a random gene, it *could* be beneficial.

It could be beneficial. Not because we know that it could be beneficial, but because we don't know enough about genetics to positively state that it absolutely would not be beneficial. This is similar to saying that it could be possible to time travel and violate causality. It could be true, but we don't know enough to make the statement one way or another.

How can you possibly argue that a random change can't be beneficial ever?

Actually, I argued that existing evidence suggests that random changes are never positive. While a heap of data doesn't qualify as proof, there is current zero evidence of an absolutely beneficial mutation. Until such a mutation can be isolated and identified, evolution by mutation is pure speculation. If evidence actually existed, then it could graduate to a theory.

Mutations that are positive are also far less obvious. If your child is slightly stronger than normal, would you notice?

Most people do notice. In fact my first child was born rather strong. It took four people to hold him when he was getting his shots. The question is, was it a mutation, or was it existing genetics? By sequencing samplings of the population, we are starting to isolate enough genes that we may soon be able to answer that. We've already identified genes for color, strength, obesity, etc. With any luck, we'll soon be able to know if positive mutations are a real phenomenon, or just wishful thinking.

If they have a crippling disability, on the other hand, you sure will.

Of course. "Bad" mutations are almost always obvious. The problem is that if positive mutations exist, then negative mutations must outweigh them by an overwhelming margin. We can induce mutations, but they always turn out either negative or settle as dormant genes.

Again, why? One example from agriculture doesn't prove anything. All it proves is that we don't know how to do it properly. That *may* be because it isn't possible but not necessarily.

It's hardly "one example". My colleagues of which I speak are PHDs in the field of genetics. They were not only educated in the field, but they dealt with genetics on a daily basis. All genetics data to date suggests that genetic manipulation is a zero sum game. That's why Eugenics can't work. You'll never get a race of "super-men", you'll only create a race of people who have traits you desire. How shallow are you willing to make your "super-men"? If you breed for intelligence, then strength may suffer. If you breed for strength, then intelligence may suffer. If you breed for height, then your people will have less lifting power. If you breed for shortness, then leverage will suffer. So on and so forth.

Ah, but i believe 2 in 4 are protected from malaria? Evolution has selected for the sickle-cell property because it provides an overall benefit for the group. African Americans still have the mutation but it is fading out (hence the lower prevalence). Evolution takes time, especially now that modern medical practices mean that many more sufferers survive.

Yet again, if this is a "good" mutation, why does it need to be bread out of the gene pool? "Micro-evolution" speculates that positive mutations crucial to the development of an organism must have occurred and remained. You didn't acquire lungs just so they could be bread out in six generations down the line, did you? No! The mutation must have become a standard part of the genome.

I don't know, but The Monkey Shakespeare Simulator has successfully written 17 letters!

I just use this:

Monkey Shakespeare Simulator

Maybe not as much fun, but without the faeces
I've noticed that Mozilla Firefox seems to give better results than IE

Kinshasa, Democratic Republic of the Congo
05 May 2004

Dear Sir,

We vehemently object to your implication that our very important and vital job of connecting servers to databases is not a "serious software engineering and design job".

Connections between servers and databases are vital to our communications infrastructure, and although you treat the job of creating them with disdain, we happen to know that it is a very creative, difficult, and fulfilling job. We have all the Microsoft certifications to prove our skills.

We are not simply cheap labor for outsourcing, but skilled simians who are highly valued for our database-connecting expertise. We command salaries of many bushels of bananas for this fine work. When we are not producing database connections, we are also creating many fine sonnets of Shakespearean origin, a work which also gets us many bushels of bananas.

We urge you to take us seriously, as without us your precious Internet infrastructure would become as foul and mushy as a month-old banana.

Sincerely,
Monkeys of the Congo

Not sure about the rest of it, but there's no shortage of banana peels over here

Believe it or not, there is a distributed computing project for this, too: the Monkey Shakespeare Simulator. So far the best the virtual monkeys have done is the first 14 letters from "Coriolanus."

Not that they didn't fix a ton, but there were still a bunch of bugs left after the patches.. this covers a lot in sickening detail, but it would take awhile to go through and just read about the bugs. That aside, it was an amazing game, easily the most innovative RPG I've ever played.

Why not combine playing with Lego and faffing about with your computer? What more could a nerd want?

Download this

Of course, Apple just released Panther - which is 10.3 so they would still be a little behind.

Good grief - surely I've got something better to do with my time.

NO TO DISTRIBUTED SPELL CHECKING!!!!! This is a very bad idea which should be dropped now otherwise it will put a stop to CmdrTaco's scientific research....

The following expos, written under extreme duress, is the result of an information leak out of ESR's SourceForge fortress that is the center of his refinery compounds and gas chambers within his insidious Gas Barony.

The information did not come cheaply, however, and that is why I believe that this story must be published: a troll, in the guise of a hired Hessian mercenary, infiltrated ESR's SourceForge compound with the fullest of confidence among the dread Slashdot Moderators and the loathed GNU Patrol. It is in this expose that I detail the significant information the document that the covert troll gave his life to bring me contained.

I'll come to your meeting or presentation and donate my time. Yes, that's right, I'll do it for free (the first time, anyway).

Yes, that's right, folks, he'll do it for free (the first time, anyway)! See, ESR's time is so valuable, being that he can't be away from his home network of 386s running Linux, that he has to limit his time to one free presentation per group. Not that that's an unreasonable request for any other person... It's just totally arrogant because he pretends his time is worth enough to limit it to only one free presentation per group. Hell, if people were not so easily fooled by his Refinery wealth, they'd realize he should be paying them to even attend the presentations he currently speaks at. Please, someone, put a leak in this Petroleum Fiend's ego!

Anyway, on we go...

If you are not a local Linux user's group, you can make your request more attractive to me by scheduling a double-header with the local LUG...

Here we have another example of ESR's total blind arrogance. Assuming that he swings enough weight around to include his herds of unwashed Linux users at any event that he presents at.

Of course ESR knows he can, at a whim, call upon the GNU Patrol and Linux users and have them beckoning at his feet for orders (which usually are to buy cases of Jgermeister), and include them in any presentation's audience by sheer force of number... But ESR has darker plans behind the quote above.

The statement above is evidence that, simply, ESR is trying to spread the diseases of Linux zealotry, poor hygiene, and Communism, using the very organizations that pay for his lifestyle, dumbly hypnotized by his Black Gold wealth, as a catalyst for his viral teachings, in hopes of converting those caught in his wake. A wake of stench thick with idealism, crude oil, and BO.

(I'm free the first time. But if you're a profit-making entity and you decide you want my time on a regular basis, I'll have to think up a consulting rate.)

Ah, yes. He'll have to think up a consulting rate. ESR will estimate how much he wants paid to brainwash hapless victims.

ESR is obviously delusional as seen above: he doesn't have a consulting fee that he uses already simply because he's never consulted before. He's never held a regular job, in fact. Yet he thinks that there are those that would consider such a thing. Fortunately drug testing and hygiene codes have kept him out of the computer industry work force as of yet...

...I want my plane fare prepaid and pre-booked. If there's a hotel stay needed I want the room tab guaranteed, incidentals and meals and all (no chintzy base-rate-plus-tax-only stuff; I loathe having to argue with the front desk).

and

If you're a big company or a conference that charges admission, I expect you to pony up for business class or first class (so my travel exhaustion will be minimized) and I don't ever want to have to even look at the hotel bill.

Want, want, loathe, expect. Is there anything that is to ESR's liking? Can anything satisfy him? Only people jumping through hoops to satiate his unfathomable appetite for personal indulgence comes close to slaking his thirst for pampering.

ESR wouldn't lift a finger to save himself so long as he thought there was some poor fool nearby he could convince to save him for some greater good.

The above statements also shows ESR's ice cold contempt for blue-collar and low-level white collar workers everywhere. As if ESR himself were in a position to consider such people below him! Obviously, never having held a job does deepens ESR's contempt for those who are gainfully employed.

Let me emphasize that last, because conference organizers seem to have trouble following through on this. If I am asked for a credit card at checkin time, you have screwed up. Don't screw up, or I won't come back.

Short on patience and quick to temper, ESR is known to be a harsh master to the millions he holds as employees in his Gas Barony. Public executions and gas chambers are a standard part of his disciplinary model, and ESR tries to push as much of it as he can on those he doesn't (yet) control.

His arrogance is displayed in the above quote by his assumption that people are willing to comply with such irrational and rudely-made requests and demands. Unfortunately, some people and groups still are...

I don't use booze or have any other expensive tastes I can gratify on the road, so you don't have to worry about a bar tab or anything like that.

The above statement is a plain lie ESR uses to make himself more attractive to prospective marks that might consider the Gas Baron as a speaker at expos and conferences.

ESR is a heavy alcoholic, which can been seen by his ruddy complexion, garnered after years of drinking Jgermesiter as if it were water. I also have archives of a covertly-recorded AA session in which ESR introduces himself and admits his addiction to what he called "God's only true son and forgiver of sins."

Expect names like PuppyTail, SnuggleBear and ComfyHat from now on.

Microsoft Hatten

There are more fonts here, here, and here
There is also a Windows utility to aid in writing in Elvish: Tengwar Scribe.

http://user.tninet.se/~lrv954a/andone/ Fourth result on google query "+and one"

Tunak Tunak Tun

Hatt, Baby

Try here
or
Search Google for Dr. Sbaitso

---

And there is also BlockCAD, which is, unlike LeoCAD, based just on Lego pieces and it's made in Delphi so it's Win-only but you get the source code!

Ok, so they have a lartge database of links. These links point to pages that were online once, and may in fact be on line now.

So! The web has grown. But it's grown like an algee (SP?) across a fish pond. Some of it is usefull (for fish food) but most of it's a waste of space. An example, I have been looking all day for deck plans for the Vasa with out luck.

Plenty of mediteranina cruise liners with deck plans. It's the same for most searches (unless you are looking for porn, good strike rate there)...

1 billion pages, my local library is more offten a better source of information... Usenet is more flames and spam than usefull chatter. The Net is becoming a has been, the golden age has past us allready, sure video and audio streeming seem cool, but I already have a TV and stereo. What I want is a world class library, free and at my fingertips.