The Creamy Center of the Atom

There's a funny article on SatireWire with a light hearted view of the joys at the center of the atom. Better then a Crackerjack box.

Comments

Twist

[noz]

First post by a reader on the sub-atomic level.

The atoms in my fingers type by themselves.

Who's selling what?

[saphena]

The article doesn't say who sponsored the prize.

I think we should be told!

Re:Who's selling what?

[ymgve]

The article doesn't say who sponsored the prize.

God, ofcourse.

Re:Who's selling what?

[Tantrum420]

The article doesn't say who sponsored the prize.

I think we should be told!

Sure it does... From the article (and I quote):

Ironically, while the lure of tiny tokens has shaped history and led scientists to unravel much of the riddle of the atom, the existence of the prizes themselves is perhaps the greatest mystery facing physics today. Who, they still wonder, put the prizes there?

Many have proposed theories. Einstein thought it was aliens. Niels Bohr suspected it was Einstein. Ernest Rutherford conjectured that the prizes were natural formations.

But most physicists today accept the argument espoused by Nobel laureate Ernest Walton, who along with John Cockcroft split the atom in 1932. In early 1946, Walton was thrilled to discover a decoder ring and secret message inside a carbon atom. After four days of painstaking work, he finally deciphered the message: "Sorry," it read, "you're not a winner. Try again."

"That's gotta be God," Walton reportedly said.

my $0.05 (keep the change)
T

Then?

[JacobO]

I know this is not exactly on topic but this is something I am really sick of... why write "then" when you mean "than"? Do you people really say "then" in that context? Or perhaps you really mean something was better, and _then_ became a Crackerjack box?

Ok, rant over.

Re:Then?

[saphena]

It's also unclear whether the thing that's "better ..." is the atom, what was found in the atom or the article about the things in the atom.

Re:Then?

[anachron]

I think there should be a rather dilbertian rule for people who point out spelling and grammer flaws on /.

The complaining post must contain perfect grammer and spelling, or they must send beer to Taco in compensation. Sounds fair?

("I am really sick of" -> "of which I am really sick", etc.)

Re:Then?

[Anonymous Coward]

send your beer grammar boy

Re:Then?

[PurpleBob]

The idea of not being allowed to end a sentence with a preposition came from misguided scholars who thought English should be like Latin. The sentence structure of English means it makes perfect sense to end a sentence with a preposition. People who tell you otherwise are people who enjoy appearing intelligent. These are also the people who will arbitrarily turn adjectives into adverbs ("I feel badly") because it sounds more grammatical.

When you criticise the grammar of someone criticizing grammar using a false grammar rule and misspell "grammar" at the same time, does that mean you have to send a case of beer to Taco?

Re:Then?

[cheetham]

I think they meant "than", but the people who run slashdot can't spel. :-)

Re:Then?

[Mizery De Aria]

This is also off topic:

I am really sick of our imperfections, especially when writing sentences using correct grammar. Why write 'why write "then" when you mean "than"?' when you could write 'Why write "then" when you mean "than?"' Do you really insist on correcting others' mistakes when you, yourself, can't even bother to use correct grammar and sentence structure yourself?

Oh, the agony!

Re:Then?

[Starship Trooper]

("I am really sick of" -> "of which I am really sick", etc.)

"Excuse me, where is the library at?"
"Here at Hahvahd, we never end a sentence with a preposition."
"O.K. Excuse me, where is the library at, *asshole*?"

Re:Then?

[Kishar]

Preposition \Prep`o*si"tion\, n. [L. praepositio, fr. praeponere
to place before; prae before + ponere to put, place: cf. F.
pr['e]position. See Position, and cf. Provost.]
1. (Gram.) A word employed to connect a noun or a pronoun, in
an adjectival or adverbial sense, with some other word; a
particle used with a noun or pronoun (in English always in
the objective case) to make a phrase limiting some other
word; -- so called because usually placed before the word
with which it is phrased; as, a bridge of iron; he comes
from town; it is good for food; he escaped by running.

Reasons one shouldn't end a sentence with a preposition:
1) The word "preposition" means to place before [a word]. With nothing following it, a preposition isn't being used properly.
2) Prepositions begin prepositional phrases. Without an object, the prepositional phrase is not a phrase, and is unclear.

As far as English being like Latin is concerned, some 60% of spoken English (significantly lower in written English) is Latin (the remainder being primarly Germanic, if I remember correctly), so there's good reason for the efforts of those misguided scholars.

It does NOT make perfect sense for someone to say, for example, "We don't live here, we're from." The lack of an object following the preposition 'from' makes it nonsensically unclear.

Re:Then?

[PurpleBob]

some 60% of spoken English (significantly lower in written English) is Latin

Where in the world did you get that fact? English arose when Old English (a Germanic language with no roots in Latin) was mixed with French. The only Latin in English would come indirectly from French. And why would more spoken English than written be like that?

If you're going to make up statistics, at least make them slightly believable.

Did I ever say that people should use prepositions with no object at all like "We don't live here, we're from"?

If you say "We don't live here, New York is where we're from", it makes sense, because it uses one of the methods in English that you can use to change the word order of a sentence.

Look at the original sentence that started this.

"I know this is not exactly on topic but this is something I am really sick of."

The second "this" is the prepositional object, and the final "of" is the preposition. Of course he could have said "...but I am really sick of this", but he rearranged the sentence in an entirely acceptable way to put more emphasis on "this".

Even the clunky "grammatical" version, "this is something of which I am really sick", separates the preposition from its object, and that has the disadvantage of separating the idiom "sick of". And even your dictionary allows for these situations:

so called because usually placed before the word with which it is phrased

Re:Then?

[Mizery De Aria]

[/sarcasm] Eeek! I was modded down? :-(

Mom and Dad split the atom

[Anonymous Coward]

...and all I got was this dumb t-shirt.

"you're not a winner. Try again."

[Anonymous Coward]

In early 1946, Walton was thrilled to discover a decoder ring and secret message inside a carbon atom. After four days of painstaking work, he finally deciphered the message: "Sorry," it read, "you're not a winner. Try again."


That sounds so much like an MS EULA it seriously makes you wonder :)

Re:"you're not a winner. Try again."

[LPetrazickis]

About Bill Gates being God?:)

Re:"you're not a winner. Try again."

[Anonymous Coward]

"The only good LPetrazickis is a dead LPetrazickis"

Slow news day?

[interiot]

hrm

Re:Slow news day?

[keesh]

Go away. Your UID is too low to be allowed to make that kind of comment. Welcome to my foes list.

(Posting anonymously to preserve my precious karma)

Re:Slow news day?

[Anonymous Coward]

Now that is funny. Of course, the fuckwit Users will give you a modslap to -1, Troll, because they don't read their own site, so they don't get the joke.

(Not posting anonymously, because I've got karma 50 and I can take the hit)

Re:Slow news day?

[alienmole]

Go away. Your UID is too low to be allowed to make that kind of comment.

Pretty rich, coming from a >200K UID. Are you saying you thought the linked article was actually amusing (in what universe???), or do you simply object to the obvious being pointed out?

Re:Slow news day?

[Alsee]

Go away.
Ummm, let me think about that a second...
*thinking about it*
*thinking about it*
Ok, I decided...
no.

Your UID is too low to be allowed to make that kind of comment.
Lets see, is your UID 1, CmdrTaco? Nope? Is your UID 2, Hemos? Nope. Then I guess you don't get to decide what kind of comments I'm allowed to make on here. Perhaps you have delusions of grandeur.

Welcome to my foes list.
And if you think I care then you definitely have delusions of grandeur.

In my oppinion the article was a waste of time and not funny. Readers are free to take or ignore my advice at will.

-

(o/t) Re:Then?

[Gordonjcp]

Simple typo. Learn to live with it. I have, and I'm really picky about spelling.

the big question?

[waspleg]

Caramel?

or

Nuget (sp)?

Lemme guess

[Anonymous Coward]

When the physicist found the prize inside he said it was "da bomb"

Re:Slashdot Karma HOWTO

[Anonymous Coward]

wow..so true it's scary...the comments have been so predictable for the last 3 years, it's gotten boring.

Funny Article To Spawn New Researchers

[totallygeek]

You know, this type of website can be extremely helpful in rebuilding interest in particle physics. I remember when in college (I was a physics major), we asked around why people choose to work in physics. The responses were usually based on something like cartoons, science fiction movies, etc. It was rarely that a person just wanted to get into it from some serious perspective. Making fun of the atom internals might get someone interested in wanting to learn what really is inside the atom.

Re:Funny Article To Spawn New Researchers

[Luyon]

*digging up old usenet post*

Subject: Scientists are LAME!
From: Teg Pipes
Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology

The straight line I've been waiting for for the past four years was finally delivered today. In the lab, obviously, four people were there, standing around the water cooler, talking about some heroic genetic screen, nice, pregnant pause after the straight line just begging to be exploited like a coal mine in the south east and I slid my joke in beautifully and...NOTHING! THEY ALL JUST STARED AT ME! FUCKS! I'LL KILL YOU ALL!

POST-DOC: ...that was the night that I mated four-thousand pairs of flies.

ME: Boy, you must've been really sore after that!

ME: G'NIGHT FOLKS! DRIVE SAFELY!

I work in a stupid genetics lab for FOUR YEARS waiting for that line, FOUR YEARS! And when it finally comes, I make my joke and EVERYONE JUST LOOKS AT ME! ARRRRRGH! I COULD'VE BEEN DOING BIOCHEMISTRY ALL THIS TIME!

Re:Funny Article To Spawn New Researchers

[saveth]

Heh. I'm currently doing two majors and a minor: Computer Science, Physics, and Mathematics, respectively. The reason I got into physics is simply that I like the pretty colours. :) I plan to earn graduate degrees in astrophysics and stare at the stars for a living.

Re:Funny Article To Spawn New Researchers

[Anonymous Coward]

The reason most of CS people at our university got into astro physics is simply that they have to go away from the town to do some observations undisrupted by the poluted environment. But the trip is also awarded by cheaper beer in a local pub.

Not as they seem..

[I Want GNU!]

Atoms made these days are getting worse and worse. They are filling them mostly with air these days so that you get less actual nucleic matter per bag! They do it over time so that you don't notice. In each atom, only a small percentage is actual protons and neutrons, and the rest is air. I think they learned something from the frito-lay company.

If they expect this "prize" debacle to make me buy again, they should think again. They can expect me to return to buying them once they increase the atoms' density to what it once was.

But then again, this is the same company donating millions to Senator Hollings to pass legislation that prevents fair use of atoms, so I don't think they are going to change. It's a disgrace, I tell you!

Re:Not as they seem..

[jafuser]

Atoms made these days are getting worse and worse. They are filling them mostly with air these days so that you get less actual nucleic matter per bag!

Sounds like you've got a bad collection of atoms there. For most of us, atoms are generally getting more and more dense as the universe is cooling down... You should probably check with your local atom distributor and make sure they're sending you the cool stuff, and not just a bunch of hot air...

Re:Not as they seem..

[Anonymous Coward]

not air exactly

Re:Not as they seem..

[Anonymous Coward]

obviously you don't know much do you? atoms filled with AIR? don't you mean vacuum? ;)

Re:please cream in the center of this

[Anonymous Coward]

seems to be slashdotted....oh well

This calls for a limerick...

[NoMoreNicksLeft]

There once was a atomic nuclide
rumored were toys on the inside
was sure Hemos was a liar
turned out to be satire
there are times I'd prefer "BSD has died"

Re:This calls for a limerick...

[Anonymous Coward]

Is it just me, or does this guy provide a good replacement for the glorious meept?

sreb

Re:This calls for a limerick...

[rde]

dunno. Did meept write limericks that didn't scan, too?

Re:This calls for a limerick...

[NoMoreNicksLeft]

Cut me some slack. I'm trying to write these in under a minute, (this one was 27 seconds flat, iirc) so that they aren't buried at comment #900. This one was crap, but otherwise I've had some pretty decent ones lately. Check out the waste treatment/hydrogen article, for instance.

Also, most of my haiku now include the "cutting word" and kigo, since there were so many poetry critics here. I never even knew about such things until last week. See if your average slashdot troll puts so much work and creativity into this. (In my defense, if I can sum up an article in a limerick, then it shouldn't have been posted).

What more do you want, sonnets?

Hmm... Ode to Vaguely Funny Webzine *inspiration strikes*. Later.

Re:This calls for a limerick...

[rde]

You claim that though your words were written fast
They still have merit; I must disagree
A limerick is specific; if you passed
On proper forms, a limerick it won't be.

As for your plea that limericks shouldn't sum:
Again, I say the error lies with you.
A headline needn't be in headline form
Encapsulation's all it needs to do.

I'll say quite freely that your noble task
To give us poetry in troubled times
Is tricky and most selfless (if you ask
I too am guilty of egregious rhymes)

If cavilling upsets you, do not rage;
My reasons are lined out upon my page

Funny..

[Iberian]

A good read even if it really is news or stuff that matters, a little humor never killed anyone. Of course if you are one of the many polled by the NSF who answered NO to the question Is there any particles smaller than an atom then don't waste your time.

The Creation of Atomic Toys

[TechFaerie]

First, God said "Let there be light, and darkness." Then, He said, "Let everything be constructed of little tiny pieces of stuff, so small the silly humans can't see them." And then He said, "Let there be little toys inside these tiny pieces, so that anyone smart enough may have a little fun. These shall be tops, stickers, and anything else I deem to be fun." And thus it was, and it was good.

ticket to ride

[envelope]

I'm still looking for the atom with the gold ticket inside so that I can tour Willy Wonka's factory.

Re:ticket to ride

[scott1853]

I wouldn't bother if I were you. Since Charlie's been running the place for the last 30 years, it's gone straight down the crapper. There was a disgruntled Oompa-Loompa incident a few years back, and the Sony lawsuit over Wonka-vision has nearly backrupt the company.

my

[falsemover]

this confirms my earlier theory, which was also recently corroborated by my two year old son, that toys are in fact the fundmental building blocks of the universe.

garçons et leurs jouets minuscules

Re:my

[flewp]

I've always thought building blocks (legos, those blocks with letters on them, etc) were the toys of the universe.

Slow news day?

[Alsee]

This is as lame as the April 1st articles.

Don't waste your time following the link. It's not even funny.

-

Linking to the site and the story

[jdavidb]

Something's starting to annoy me. When you submit an article and link to a page on another site, you don't have to put the name of the site in a hyperlink. Nearly every person here knows how to get to the main page for the site if they want to, and usually the main page isn't directly relevant to the story.

Sometimes it seems like people link for every word in the article and it's hard to figure out which link is the one with the story.

Re:Linking to the site and the story

[*xpenguin*]

The URL appears in the status bar, so it's not a problem.

Re:Linking to the site and the story

[ecc0]

Why does problem.com lead to php.net?

Re:Linking to the site and the story

[*xpenguin*]

holy shit! I didn't notice that.

Re:Linking to the site and the story

[JimBobJoe]

This is true...but that does not make it any less of an annoyance. His point is that it is enitrely unnecessary to hyperlink the homepage of the site, even if all it requires is you to mouseover two links to figure out which one is the site and which one is the article.

I mean...it's one thing not to do something, and as a result there is an annoyance. However, someone is putting just that little bit of effort to add a completely wasteful hyperlink...which is an annoyance. Ooo...cnn.com I never heard of them before...I should check em out before reading whatever the article is that I'm gonna read.

Re:Linking to the site and the story

[SoupIsGoodFood_42]

The could make the main link Bold . And the other links normal. But since none of the editors have a single design bone in their body, we can give up all hope of that.

Don't get me wrong, it doesn't annoy me that /. does things like this. It's their site, I'm not a design nazi, and after all, it was created by a group of programmers. But I'm still supprised at the lack of professionalism here considering how long /. has been going, and how big it has gotten.

Re:Linking to the site and the story

[Alsee]

Bold for the main link - cool idea. I'll try to remember that next time I submit a story.

-

Re:Linking to the site and the story

[SoupIsGoodFood_42]

Yeah. But the /. editors are the people who should be doing these things....After all, they are the editors.

Of course, it would be great if you and other submitters did it. Then maybe Taco and the likes will catch on :).

Re:Linking to the site and the story

[SoupIsGoodFood_42]

Modded off-topic? Then why not mod down my other post and the replys to it aswell since they are also off-topic.

Be careful

[Joe the Lesser]

This is a warning to all you would be chemists!

Some atoms may have razorblades or poison inside, so if your element isn't wrapped, have your parent check it out.

Safety first!

Re:Be careful

[aiabx]

This is an urban legend. There have been no verified instances of razor blades in atoms.
-aiabx

Re:Be careful

[JordanH]

• This is an urban legend. There have been no verified instances of razor blades in atoms.
  • -aiabx

So you say. But, I happen to know a Scientist who does nothing all day but xray atoms. What's he looking for if it's not razor blades, hmmm?

Mod me down!

[Cubeman]

tjasihnsaldfuahsgdlgyiunsayiudshiusahgsuladkhfbakj slnousonasiyfsuiohbflkjdahflkdsjnfdasljnfasoiufyds aoiugysdaghasl;gjhsagouisayguoisyahlkjsahgjklsahdg iusaylgnbsulhnsallkjhfnbslajsyb7w67n592qy5pjawnlns alfnslft aub yoiu7ys98fy9a8s76vbap4wjnaoy5vwha5vwajvkjnwayv875j wy4av5hnwya5vhnwlav5wauov5wa5vw5vwagv5awvwav5wav5w v5wevtwaetjrslkghnsouoinywa9uyosiuosaiytpwa9yty8ts eytspudsufhdjshfsljdhfklsjdhflvanwoiuhrwoiuy7vw9nv 97wy57n3265nv9203563927v3vnnnyfrv70s9yfiudososdahg 9fgyb9s7yhgbpai7hshypbs98se7

slashdot Endgame

[Anonymous Coward]

I think we have all noticed how pitiful slashdot has become. I'm betting they won't last another 6 weeks.

Its sorta sad to see them go, but I would rather they die quickly than see them limping through each day giving linux a bad name.

Truly a linux icon, slashdot will be missed :-(

the big answer

[bleckywelcky]

Nougat

Re:the big answer

[October_30th]

No.

More likely a soft, marshmellowy thing.

AOL through an electron microscope

[dr_eaerth]

I wonder. If any of you have wandered through the cereal aisle, you know that children's cereals have now started to package CD-ROMs instead of regular prizes. If you look closely, you see that these CD's all have a little AOL logo. That's right, they're AOL CDs, meant to sucker kids into installing AOL on their parents' computers.

How long until the first AOL CD is found inside an atom (1000 microns free[1]!)? When found, will it make it so the electron microscopes can no longer view non-AOL atoms?

[1] Yes I know it's a unit of distance, but if parsecs can be an unit of time, microns can be too; thanks, Lucas.

Re:AOL through an electron microscope

[Flounder]

I no longer allow my kids to play with those CDs. You have to click a tiny little button in plain text marked "Do not install" three or four times to prevent AOL from installing. But, click the big friendly graphical button marked "Start Here" and the game gets installed ALONG with AOL, Real, and who knows what else.

I just buy them the generic brand cereals now, they've got enough toys.

Re:AOL through an electron microscope

[Anonymous Coward]

no one said it was a unit of time. he could have ment the projection of his path from his reference frame onto the path from a stationary reference frame was measured in a certain respectable/phenominal amount of parsecs.

space dilation and contraction. get with it ;)

-brady

This isn't stuff that matters...

[Marx_Mrvelous]

But I guess it's news for nerds, huh?

Re:This isn't stuff that matters...

[sconeu]

Well, if you want the prizes, then it matters!

I'm trying to get the combination decoder-ring and whistle, but so far, all I've gotten is junky trading cards.

The best stuff comes out of Argon atoms, by the way.

Re:This isn't stuff that matters...

[Vinson Massif]

[The best stuff comes out of Argon atoms, by the way.]

True, but cracking the electron shell is a bitch.

SatireWire on remote-controlled rats

[DaoudaW]

Slashdot's coverage of remote-controlled rats was woefully inadequate. SatireWire has the full story. It appears that the Pentagon is having a difficult time deciding which is the politically correct animal to control. Many slashdotters have experience working with ratlike animals, perhaps they can lend their expertise. Which species would you chose for remote-controlled search and rescue missions?

Re:SatireWire on remote-controlled rats

[rmarll]

Senator Hollings is the ideal candidate. Not only rat like, and lacking an internal moral compass. He is sure to be easily controlled via electronic device. Failing that. With enough greenbacks I'm sure he'll do anything to succeed in his mission, no matter what the cost.

mmmmmm

[El_Nofx]

Quarks taste pretty good I've heard..
Warfs and Jadzeeas aren't as good though..

Senator Hollings is everywhere

[October_30th]

Senator Hollings is the ideal candidate

Senator Hollings seems to be everywhere these days...

Re:Ask Slashdot: What are your fetishes?

[Anonymous Coward]

Probably topping the list would be:

-Looking at pictures of naked women and masturbating
-Looking at pictures of naked men and masturbating

After that, the percentages drop so low as to be utterly negligible.

I want

[Anonymous Coward]

to get a delorean out of an atom.

That's all quantum physics....

[ilyag]

It's quite simple, in fact. The outside of the atom is made out of particles. To make it cheaper, they started to manufacture the inside out of air^H^H^Hwaves. Eighty years ago, they were paid to create a theory about why it's as good, so atoms reamined just as expensive.

Good thing they didn't have DMCA back then. In that case, it would be much easier for them to just prohibit any study of atoms, as a protection against reverse engineering. Or, atoms would be encrypted well enough no one could really find out what's inside.

;)

Could not resist

[madenosine]

How many licks does it take to get to the creamy center of an atom?

One, two, three..

Re:Ask Slashdot: What are your fetishes?

[Mizery De Aria]

I enjoy turning my computer on.

READ THIS!

[xqqs]

SatireWire is intended for use by those age 18 and older. All stories are fictional and satirical and should not in any way be construed as fact. Please read our disclaimer. All contents Copyright © 1999-2002, SatireWire, LLC

Re:This isn't stuff that matters...DMCA

[Anonymous Coward]

"True, but cracking the electron shell is a bitch."

True, but the DMCA makes that impossible anyway.

Whistles as tools

[ehiris]

That whistle should be made a standard tool for ... so that it matches the size of their ... .

I leave it up to you to fill in the blanks.

The understood object of the preposition

[fireboy1919]

I know where I'm going to.

You know that I mean:
I know where I'm going to go.

However, I could just as easily mean:
I know where I'm going to be.

However, this is hardly a compelling argument which tells us what we shouldn't do with our prepositions and what with. Sometimes the context makes it perfectly clear what is understood, as in the previous sentence. And I've never heard any rule that says that it is illegal for certain parts of the sentence to be understood (i.e. not written out), just as I've never heard a compelling argument for why sentences shouldn't begin with a conjunction if it clarifies that a previous idea is being continued with another independent set of thoughts.

Language theorists have known for a long time that it is possible to create grammatically correct sentences that are lexically impossible for humans to understand without thinking about them for a few minutes (or hours, depending on the human).

Bottom line: he's right. Also, if a sentence is not terribly awkward to parse, its generally proper enough for the circumstance. Awkward is, of course, relative, but in this case we're talking about an unedited comment on a message board, so I think we can take it fast and loose.

Re:The understood object of the preposition

[PurpleBob]

Just a clarification: There is no word missing after "I know where I'm going to". The object is already there; it is the pronoun "where".

Adding "go" or "be" (which are verbs, not objects) changes the meaning of "to" so that it's no longer a preposition at all.

Re:The understood object of the preposition

[fireboy1919]

Actually, I'd say that my example is just completely bad. Still, it shows the idea of an understood word.

Grand Old Slashdot Tradition

[alienmole]

The editors are doing their bit to keep the spelling on this site consistent - we should applaud them for their efforts. Given that you have a sub-50K user ID, I would have thought you would have figured that out by now!

Or perhaps it's just taken you this long to reach the point where you couldn't take it any longer? You must be a postal employee...

Mr. Owl! Mr. Owl!

[sharkey]

How many licks does it take to get to the Creamy Center of an Atom?

Hmmm. Let's see.
A-one...
A-two...
A-*CRUNCH*-three!
It takes THREE licks!

Mathematics

[Snover]

It's almost as irritating as people 'minusing' and 'timesing' stuff.