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Tornado in a Can
geyser writes "What stuff matters more than a device that can tear things apart? Frank Polifka has a patent on his Windhexe device that creates a tornado force wind. Besides pulverizing concrete, it can pulverize small objects including jelly fish, and chicken feet without destroying the organic compounds. The chickens don't like it. Is this really a prototype Quake weapon? I could only find newspaper articles about the device. Has anyone seen it in action and can you give us a first hand report?"
dont they have those at like barnes & noble tho?
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" Whether there are vast riches to be made from pulverizing chicken poop or poultry parts into powder remains to be seen. The trick will be whether the machine can transform the various substances into products worth more than the processing costs."
Sounds like he's trying to kick up a real shitstorm.
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IDE hard drive!
(No, seriously. The warranties are for, like, 2 years now. They slowly spin themselves apart until the data is nonsense.)
If you celebrate Xmas, befriend me (538
I'm sure this is cool, but that doesn't exactly fill my heart with fear.
I don't need no instructions to know how to rock!!!!
Finally! Something we can use to fight off Casanova Frankenstein and Captain Amazing! Was it designed by Dr. Heller?
"Mod, mod, mod...and another troll bites the dust."
With great tornado in a can comes great responsibility.
The theory of relativity doesn't work right in Arkansas.
somehow found their way to local trailer parks, resulting in total devastation when they were mistaken for cans of beer.
Just what I need to get my little nephews for christmas... forget the plastic helicopter.. or maybe they can fly it thru their own tornado...
Now that will ROCK!!!
I only look human.
My mother is a halfling and my dad is an ogre, so that makes me an Ogreling
To test their theory, the Vortex folks have thrown in rocks, diapers, tomatoes, sweet potato rejects from the farm down the road, 400 pounds of Oreo cookies, frozen pizza dough, even a dead bird.
:(
Damn...what a waste of Oreo's
"Some fight for law. Some fight for justice. What will you fight for? One day, you will see."
... at least that's what it sounds like.
So when a grain buyer came to Polifka and asked him to design a portable machine to mill grain, Polifka started tinkering around in his workshop on the farm. He has a high school diploma and a certificate from diesel engine school, but he's been dreaming up machines for most of his life. Over the years, he's invented everything from an industrial-strength mulcher to a vehicle to carry implements around the farm.
Even so, it took him 15 years to make a tornado in a can that he was satisfied with. And though physicists and engineers are at a loss as to how exactly it works, he's happy to explain how he made it.
It sounds like this guy is about as far removed from shedules and deadlines as anyone I have ever seen....
I want a blamethrower.
"Each year, the U.S. poultry industry generates about 4 million tons of blood, feathers, heads, feet and entrails, including some 300,000 tons on the Delmarva Peninsula."
I thought they had this problem licked with the advent of the chicken McNugget."Running that material through a drier and then through Polifka's machine could produce a powder form of those poultry byproducts that could be sold as a flavoring"
Geek #1:"Mmmmm,these Gorditas are wonderful!!"Geek #2:"Yeah, but they could use a little more chicken back if you ask me."
Tornado in a can?
It looks to me like a tornado in a room. Judging by that picture, this will work great as a prototype Quake weapon. You just have to tell your enemy "OK, now sit right here under this blue cone looking thing, while I pulverize you".
Not exactly portable is it?
"A terrorist is someone who has a bomb but doesn't have an air force." -William Blum
I think I'll pass on the company pizza party.
The BOfH seats at his desk... Calmly plays another party of Quake... Someone rings the door bell.
Who's there? - says the BOfH with some irritation that someone messed with his chance to break his 1374th frag record.
Oh, this is department XXX. You have a problem, the network doesn't work.
Couldn't you say that by the phone?..
Oh, well. We could but it was busy and we thought it was a lot easier to talk to you directly...
Well, come in... - The BOfH presses the button and the door opens...
Ooops sorry what is this funny small dark room here?
Oh, well. That's a small hall to avoid noises and dust coming up here. We have some sensitive equipement here... Just close the outdoor so I can open the inner door...
Oh, cool. Yeah, you amy be right, you have quite a dusty corridor just outside, you kn.. BAHM! FRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!
A bunch of dust flows over the corridor, the BOfH calmly concludes: "No person, no problem... back to the game..."
Anyone else see this as Windh.exe?
Some nasty trojan that's a tornado for your HD?
__ Someday, but not this morning, I'll finally learn to use the preview button.
Yes, some of us beat swords into plowshares, and others beat chicken poop into gold.
...
the real evil is not what people think - its how people think
To get all over every side.
Thank you, I'll be here all week.
before reading the story, I was picturing chickens running away as their feet were pulverized by sadistic farmers with tornado guns. Glad to hear that's not the case!
Or, in this case, thinking in the can. ;)
Isn't that where everyone does their best thinking anyway?
bytesmythe
Hypocrisy is the resin that holds the plywood of society together.
-- Scott Meyer
Business Idea for the Tornado-in-a-can guy:
Does the thought of being burned like yesteryear's garbage after you die curl your toes?
With the new Tornadoom swirly treatment you can be pulverized into ashes without the messy, smoking, hellish addition of flame.
Remember the first time a bully flushed your head in the mens room in Jr. High? Well now you can go out in full geek colors. The Tornadoom is like a permanent swirly that lasts forever. Make your shame of the past an eternal badge of honor.
Reduce the cost of burial to your family. For only $12/hr in electrical costs, you can be ground into dry powder. You can then be used to fertalize the garden, be a pet-food additive, or achieve any one of several higher self-fulfilling goals.
When you go to your funeral director to plan for that ever-coming day of doom, ask for Tornadoom!
A great way for the Children of the Corn to dispose of the bodies!
blog |
what exactly is a cone-shaped cylinder? is it related to the pyramid-shaped cube?
you probably shouldn't have read this.
Not effective on road-runners.
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I would think that would be obvious. I mean, have you tasted the fertilizer most people use?
You mean chickenshit, don't you?
Its been around MUCH longer than that. Wile E. Coyote was the first buyer, IIRC.
Where does the school board find them and why do they keep sending them to ME?
Sorry, blatantly stolen from Charleton Heston......
\/\/oobie
Besides pulverizing concrete, it can pulverize small objects including jelly fish, and chicken feet without destroying the organic compounds. The chickens don't like it.
What, the jellyfish do??
I make these: http://beatseqr.com
Fantastic pictures...
/. story icon...
"A chicken mortality is placed in the machine...the chicken is ground to the consistency of oily cotton".
The guy dropping the chicken into this machine is certainly inspiration for a
What a great way to get rid of dead bodies!
The most important thing any republican needs to know.
Hubby: Honey, will you pass the chicken feet flavored, pulverized jellyfish powder?
Wife: With or without egg membranes?
This would be pretty scary if it could separate uranium isotopes.
Going from a ton of yellocake to a few grams of u235 is an EXPENSIVE, slow process.
Now if you could do it for 12$/hr, and without using all the export controlled machinery
Good luck to this guy with defending his patent. A cursory search found prior art here.
I'm thinking this thing would be a great replacement for the woodchipper..
It is quite simple
Haiku should not be funny
Try a Senryu
Moreover, if they did do this, since the organic molecules are preserved, would a careful restoration of the liquid allow us to reconstitute the security council, as with the concrete mentioned above? What if the dust from the different members has become mixed?
I don't think that would work- if you were to reduce the UN Security Council to dust and try to reconstitute them with water, the results would be too thick to form a solution...
and the first thing that popped in my head was :
how long before darwinawards.com has a story about someone putting their penis in it?
PC moderators can suck my White pierced, tattooed dick. If you think pride == hate, s/dick/Aryan meat mallet/g.
Finally, people may be able to back up the claim, "I'm gonna open a can of whoopass!"
So what your saying is, he doesn't actually create the tornadoes, he just happens to be close by when they strike naturally and then take credit for them? :-)
"...cook the sewage first..."
Come on down, bring the family, we're having an old fashioned sewage cookoff!