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Company Christmas Gifts / Bonuses?
A wisely anonymous reader writes "Following my company's Christmas party on Friday, I found myself the proud recipient of... a bobble head doll of the company CEO! Needless to say I was PISSED. They didn't even comp. parking at the site of the party, let alone a bonus. yeah, yeah, times are tough. I should be happy just to have a job. but getting a damn doll of the guy who made 65 million last year just makes me angry. So... What did you get from your Company for Christmas?"
Enough to be stuck in the office on a Sunday evening.
Use it as a voodoo doll and stick pins in the wretched thing!
We wont get laid off
Paint on some cuts, bruises and put a bunch of blood around the neck like he was decapitated. Then give it back to him.
Maybe he'll get the message then.
. So... What did you get from your Company for Christmas?
the shaft.
... and a new "tobacco water pipe". Of course, I am the boss. I just hope that I don't decide to start randomly drug testing myself.
Well, last year I got laid for christmas.
Last week she left me...
A Philishave would be nice, though.
-
3 of my clients pitched in and got me a new computer! It must have been that overused excuse that 'my computer crashed' and 'that's why the work isn't done yet'. Guess I have been reading too much slashdot ;)
a pink slip, and the second thing i got in the mail was my tuition payment request. Dammit, I could've been a drug dealer for better pay, and hours, and perks...lol...
------- "From bored to fanboy in 3.8 asian girls" ----------
I found myself the proud recipient of... a bobble head doll of the company CEO!
You work for Oracle?
Are you kidding? That's a great gift! I mean, how thoughtful of them to give you a voodoo doll!
Fully Vested Stock Options at $7 a share.
Now the stock is at 5.479
Guess what they are offering this year for contractors who work over 100 hours this holiday season.....
I Encrypt My IM's
I got enrolled in the Jelly of the Month club. There goes that pool I wanted... - C.W.G.
You got a BOBBLE-HEAD DOLL OF THE CEO?! Dude, I would so quit that place.
Out of curiosity, where do you work? What are the benefits like? Would they pay to relocate?
you didn't get a one year subscription to the jelly-of-the-month club.
Which, IMHO, led to one of the best tirades in a motion picture.
Where does the school board find them and why do they keep sending them to ME?
It could have been a life size doll!
^]:wq!^M
Laid off. :/
Anybody need a perl guy? Will work for cheap! Real cheap.
Hey, he never said where he works. Maybe he works for a bobblehead making company.
Umm... Geeky worker> Buy me an iPod, please. Take it as my christmas/hannukah/birthday present. Boss> No GW(not Bush)>Come on, have you seen this offer at www.apple.com/kids/porn/super-offer... B> Negative GW> But my productivity raised 948% last year! B> Tough luck GW> I've been a good good boy! B> You're fired.
- Does it have a MIDI Interface?
- What's MIDI in your face?
Kit yourself out like this and buy some sewing needles.
http://jesus.everdense.com/
I got laid-off from AOL/Time warner. In the folder with the severance package paperwork, they had the audacity to put an AOL cd. I shit you not. I was really fucking offended by that.
Funny thing is, is this was just the kick in the ass I needed to get the hell out of the tech field anyhow. Sometimes you just hit your artistic and creative limits, and need to move on.
When I worked for what is now part of the country's SECOND largest defense contractor, we found out that the division pres had donated *A* cow in the name of the division. Not a bunch of cows (for about 3K employees), but ONE FSCKING cow... Oh, and I got a card in the mail.
General Relativity: Space-time tells matter where to go; Matter tells space-time what shape to be.
I am thankful that I have a job. And for those that do not, visit odd todd.
sorry, relatives and animals don't count.
in a few years, after the CEO gets indicted for securities fraud, insider trading, what-have-you, it might be worth a few bucks on eBay. :-)
1. Pass out bobble-head dolls of the CEO to all employees. ...
2.
3. PROFIT!!
WE RECEIVE 100% RAISE IN WAGES...FOLLOWED BY A 50% DEVALUATION OF THE RUBLE BY THE CENTRAL BANK
Every year we receive a different style of Bic "clicky" pen with the company logo on it. I've started a display on my wall with each pen and the year it was received. Pretty pathetic now that I stop and think about it.
MONG BRAINED TWAT! DIE! DIE! DIE!
Of course I probably just fed a troll...
Then, the CEO can suck your dick for a change!
Do you even lift?
These aren't the 'roids you're looking for.
Elves? At Pomeroy IT Solutions, (PITS) we are called drones, and we get nothing. It is not just the economy, as we never got anything. They will probably verbally tell us we are all fired when they close the place, as printing pink slips would cost money.
The Uncoveror: It's the real news.
Is better than what this guy is gonna get.
i actually started to care, then i saw the rush limbaugh sig.
Maybe they should give out staplers?
And if not, maybe matches?
1984 was supposed to be a warning, not an instruction manual.
I got as much toilet paper and office supplies as I could carry!
Ugh... I have been going downhill since 1999.
1999: Bonus was 120% of my annual salary(yes, times were great)
2000: Bonus was 75% of my annual salary(yes, times were still pretty good)
2001: No bonus; I was laid off, but got 6 months severance (Not bad, considering...)
2002: No bonus; I was laid off and got nothing at all. (This is the Grinch Christmas)
I guess 2004 will have to be better than this.
P.S. Need a Net. Admin.? Look at my resume: Resume for Patrick Anderson
Layoff announcements. Nice job with the books.
So that's what happened to all the missing Nazi gold!
Honestly. Don't like it? Go start your own company, take risks, get investors, get paid US$65 million and pay to have a bobblehead doll made of yourself.
Personally, all the schwag I get that I don't like goes right to charity.
I'm becoming increasingly convinced that the only real way to know you've "made it" in modern society is when a bobblehead doll gets made of you.
or maybe the orig poster works at ClubJenna, Inc; the CEO there also has a bobblehead
RTFM; please, I beg you.
Oh...wait...that's my unemployment compensation from Massachusetts. Never mind.
Pink slips, my manager gave me one but I refused to wear it for him. A guy's got to draw the line somewhere.
?-|||-----x<*))))><
Elves? At Pomeroy IT Solutions, (PITS) we are called drones, and we get nothing. It is not just the economy, as we never got anything.
...every year, they bend us over and bone us!
Where I work, we always get a bonus...
What on God's green earth do you donate a cow to? An African charity or something?
May we never see th
Yeah, I'm sure the childless, single people with no responsibilities will chime in with suggestions about better managing finances...but you folks are obviously more readily able to absorb unforseeable hits on your pocketbook because you aren't paying for daycare. health insurance, etc.
That's a very good point and, on behalf of all the childless, single people, I would like to take this time to personally apologize to you and yours for forcing you to get married and have children. Sorry about that. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
For rides around the corporate campus: The Conference Bike.
Might as well make it useful.
--
Marc A. Lepage
Software Developer
Yeah, that happens all the time at my job. But it comes with the territory.
mstyne: real name, no gimmicks
...we get a ham.
Its size is based on how well we are going.
This year I think were getting a can of SPAM
Burma?
Now, having said all that, I have to add: The bobblehead thing would have had me sending out resumes in a heartbeat.
Really? It would have had me shoving its plastic head up its plastic ass and mailing it to the CEO with a note that said something to the effect of-
Dear Mr. CEO:
You got the design all wrong. *This* is more accurate. Please make a note of it for next year. It's these kinds of mistakes that can cost the company its image. As a professional organization, we comport ourselves to the highest level of standards.
Love,
fwoomer.
He clearly works in 1998.
and all I had to do for all of this was to get drunk and sing "Like a Virgin" karaoke.
What fun!
I'm a hamker. Hams, hackers, same ethos, different medium. == 73 de KB0STG
"So... What did you get from your Company for Christmas?"
sex from my secretary.... and her BOBBLING head....
my blog
Elves? At Pomeroy IT Solutions, (PITS) we are called drones, and we get nothing. It is not just the economy, as we never got anything. They will probably verbally tell us we are all fired when they close the place, as printing pink slips would cost money.
Drones, huh? Don't know what that means exactly, sounds kind of worrying to be honest. Maybe it is just as wierd down south as they keep telling us it is. Well, they call us elves, and there you are.
Anyway we're kind of.. disconnected from the economy, as our good supply chains are kind of autonomous, so to speak. Policy changes mostly happen based on Management politics, the Big Boss will kind of stop paying attention to the actual workings for awhile and let middle management run things, and things will get worse for the workers, and then eventually he'll start taking an active interest and things will get better for us, as he isn't too fond of self-serving behavior. But, he's been very out of touch lately, so it goes.
They don't ever really fire any of us because really, where would we go? There isn't anything else up at this part of the north pole, and they aren't just going to leave us outside to freeze. They could fire us, but then we'd just be hanging around the workshop outbuildings all the time, and it would be a bit of a nuisance. Easier to just keep us on the payroll and too busy to question things, than figure out what to do with us once we were off. Mostly they just put people down in the Wrapping department and forget about them when they don't want to hear from them.
I dunno. I have a cousin who has connections down with Keebler, says they always have openings for elves and it's more dull but more along the lines of skilled labor, their operation is a bit more modernized than ours, as they're all mechanized and we still hand-make most things. So maybe i should try to start working out a way to get down there and get a job with them, a change would be nice. But, i'm happy with things overall, it just would have been nice to be treated to some more of those Red Lobster gift certificates once in awhile, they don't pay us so much.
Speaking of which, i'd better get back to work. Crunch time's coming...
Cheers,
roseblood
I got a christmas bonus, free booze at 3 parties and a night of extreme passion with one of the girls from the office.
What a year!!
...some 4 years ago the company found out that it would be a really good idea to scrap the anual grocery basket and replace it with company stock options. That is, each person would recieve one stock and thereby a small part of the company.
.. the gift is still the same though: "one stock option" .. oh, and it's bound for 7 years .. TODAY, 1$ is about 7.5 DKR ..
:-) /klang
At the time one of theese babies would run you about 550 DKR's on "the street", today it's about 175 DKR
Maybe this would be a good idea for the kids? Here you go, your present this year will be a small part of something you can get your hands on, 7 years after you move out of the house!
In Soviet Russia, CEO gets bobble-head doll of YOU.
Sorry, the Soviet Russia jokes kill me. I still laugh at the "your mama" stuff...
LR
> What did you get from your Company for Christmas?
Nothing. But it's OK; I didn't get them anything either.
Chris Mattern