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Microsoft Rolls Out iLoo
TommyTyker writes "According to this CNet article, Microsoft is using England as a test bed for the iLoo -- a 'PortaJohn' that allows the 'user' to surf the net while taking care of 'business.' MSN is even looking at getting TP manufacturers to create some of their product with URL's printed on them. Pooptastic!" Life does not imitate the Onion. No, sir.
...gotta SUCK!
God knows most MS products aren't fit for anything other than wiping...
That I'm using MSN while taking a shit.
..There's a-dooin's a-transpirin'
The finally do something inovative and it's full of sh*t. No, really...
and take a shit. Goes well together.
Well it's about time that we get a chance to wipe our butt with TP that has the Micro$oft logo on it. :-)
As opposed to other MS products, which crap on you while you surf the net.
Sheesh, evil *and* a jerk. -- Jade
I wonder if the DRM stops people from pissing on the Pee-Cee...
And this is what they come up with!? Someone approved this? Somewhere, deep within the bowels of Microsoft, there is movement.
*wince*
Do not taunt Happy-Fun Ball
Would it clog and force you to use the "Ctrl+Alt+Delete Plunger"?
503 Sig Unavailable
The Signature could not be accessed. Please try again later or contact the administrator
Guess we know where Microsoft wants to go today.
"I think you guys with quotes in your signatures should go have an original thought." -- Dan Miller
Not to mention after Spanky 'uses' the bathroom with the world's largest porno mag at his fingertips...
get nemulator
Microsoft's Active Crapper technology analyzes your leavings, enhancing your web surfing experience.
"People who expelled the Taco Bell 7-layer burrito also recommended the Grizzlebee's Onion Burst"
"They should be taking it to Japan, where toilets are already equipped with countless unimaginable electronic doodads."
...Including the thingy that spritzes hot water up your butt. Heh such fun we had the first time "Eh a remote for the toilet?? Hmm what's this button do...ooooohhh! whoaah!". I bet the controls weren't labelled in English on purpose...
If construction was anything like programming, an incorrectly fitted lock would bring down the entire building...
If Microsoft would just create toilet paper that had its name and logo on it, I'd buy 50 rolls.
can't sleep slashdot will eat me
...be known as Loo-nix?
a world in progress...
Somebody ports linux to it?
I'm sorry, but I wouldn't want to be the admin for this device? Can you imagine how much time you'd have to spend patching? Plus, I doubt I would use this knowing how poorly Microsoft protects my computer from viruses. :-P
yep, that was the first thing I thought of. Although you would finally have an opportunity to piss on/fling shit at a microsoft product. I mean, really it's just not feasable, they can't mount a camera inside to police the thing. It would be an endless opportunity for all sorts of bad bad things. Then again, I might be the first in line if I was to see it.
Brings new meaning to the term "pop-ups"
Do not taunt Happy-Fun Ball
... Gives a whole new meaning to "cyber-squatting" ... Appropriate way to view most of the web and "squeeze out a blog" ... Guys begin sitting down to whiz ... In other news, Padded Toilet seat sales increase 10-fold!
Will it be running I.P.?
P2P (piss to pot)?
Brings a new meaning to flushing the buffer, doesn't it?
You can accomplish anything you set your mind to. The impossible just takes a little longer.
Like I'd really want to use this thing after countless numbers of people touched it shortly after wiping their asses
Yeah. That number 2.0 is a messy one. Especially if you've been eating corn and chili.
The theory of relativity doesn't work right in Arkansas.
This Looks Like A Cool Product...for me to poop on!
Visit www.seriouslythough.com
the guy at Microsoft that has to audit the licenses for these things??? Yikes!!
Just think of the possibilities! With a webcam, there could be a direct link to ratemypoo.com.
This post is licensed under the Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 License.
Or maybe a choice of f-tp, or perhaps tf-tp if you're sensitive....
(Actually, I'm quite impressed that they're doing this. It's a taboo that needs to be broken. There is plenty of freedom to innovate in this area! Good for them!)
I've run out of toilet paper, will you pass me some?
from Cubicle 2
Could be worse.... you could go to one of those hidden camera sites and find yourself posted as the link of the day.
They have patented the Trash Icon....
iPod is Apple
iMac is Apple
iTunes, etc etc all Apples...
Steve, here is your chance to get even... The iLoo by all means, should be an apple product.....if you didn't know who made it, wouldnt you think its something made by Apple?
Solid!
I should have realized -- it's toilet paper! Now it all makes sense!
But can you say "Windows NT WANKSTATION"
Slashdot - The one stop shop for procrastination
RandomGuy: Hey, I really gotta go. Can somebody clear a stall?
From Stall #1: Sorry, checking my email. I'll be a few minutes.
From Stall #2: I'm busy trading my life away on ETrade, piss off!
From Stall #3: *fwap* Almost *fwap* done! *fwap*
From Stall #4: We're out of paper in here, I'm contacting technical support!
RandomGuy: (Eyes crossed, making odd grunting noises, Exits)
how long before someone installs Back Orifice on one of these?
In Soviet Russia, your iLoo craps on YOU.
Backups would be needed in case you accidently 'wipe' your HD.
If the iLoo runs Linux, will it handle a 'core dump'?
Could 'virus detection' be added to the iLoo?
Will the interface feature 'toilet assistants'? "I'm the shit wizard, it looks like you're planning to take a crap today!"
"The Microsoft iLoo - When do you want to go today?"
Thank you, I shall be here all week ;)
So after using this a few times i wonder how this would condition my brain?
everytime i see the msn butterfly i smell the residual stink of 1000 people?
or
everytime i go to the bathroom i think of bill gates?
kind of disturbing either way.
They're just trying to keep up with apple...
Here's the competition...
At least if you there is no toilet paper left, a microsoft product will be near by.
If the dollar is an "I owe you nothing", then the Euro is a "Who owes you nothing." - Doug Casey
A guy called Hamsterboy replying to a bowel joke.
Hopefully this in joke will not sink too deep.
MSN UK is negotiating with toilet paper manufacturers for special rolls with Web addresses, or URLs, printed on them.
They're going to sell advertising on the toilet paper? I can just see the sales pitch.
"Well, sir, we'd like you to give us money, so that people can wipe their ass with your company logo."
Yeah, that'll work.
Imagine a Iloo cluster of these... oh shit! it stinks!
Could be a cure for constipation and a first person shooter all in one.
It'd have as many bugs on it as inside it :)
Which company has the slogan "Changing the way you do business"?
One line blog. I hear that they're called Twitters now.
Instead of asking where's the bathroom, you'd ask for their "IP Address." As for the type of connection it would have, I'm sure it'll be phone lines using PPP.
Aaaaand they'll have bran muffins outside if you have problems generating logs. Now THAT's innovation!
If I had the priveledge of working on this project, I would release a product called Microsoft Toilet XP. The features of my fine product might include items such as:
- Toilet must boot up before you can use it:
- Toilet normally takes two to three minutes to boot.
- If user is in a hurry and the situation is an emergency, toilet enters Murphy's Law Mode and takes an additional three or four minutes to boot.
- Occasionally when toilet is booting in Murphy's Law Mode, toilet will crash, find new hardware when the configuration hasn't changed or perform otherwise erratic behavior to require additional reboots and delay the use of the toilet.
- Toilet has a network connection:
- Dumping Rights Management (DRM) would require communication with Microsoft's central servers to determine whether user is legally authorized to take a dump in toilet.
- DRM would require monthly subscription fee and/or Gold registration, giving a particular client unlimited use of a single toilet.
- Multiple users may not use same toilet unless licensed.
- If network connection cannot be found, which is randomly the case for the user's inconvenience, toilet refuses to function.
- Toilet randomly behaves erratically:
- Toilet might flush by itself.
- Toilet might not flushed when the flush handle is depressed, due to bugs in the software.
- Toilet might overflow.
- Hackers will get in and shove a digital dildo right up your ass.
- Upon completion of toilet usage, toilet must be shut down properly or a lengthy scandisk process must take place the next time toilet enters Murphy's Law Mode, after other actions of that mode take place.
- SpyWare will be randomly installed in toilet, without user's consent, to send a digitally coded sample of the user's shit and/or piss to random companies for inclusion in their lists. These would be used to:
- Send highly targeted dieting advertisements to users based on the content of their shit.
- Make information about your diet and gastral intestinal status available on the Internet for casual browsing by anybody.
Microsoft Toilet XP 2003 End User License Agreement:By us having written this licensing agreement, you have agreed to be bound by its terms...
This post represents humor, parody and opinions of the poster, protected by the Constitution. Microsoft is obviously a registered trademark of itself and everybody knows that so it needs not be recounted here.
...to the "blogging" phenomenon.
Downmodding is the refuge of the weak. Don't downmod, make a better argument!
I can imagine these things coming with web cams and getting popups:
"You seem to be constipated. Would you like to subscribe to a medical newsletter about constipation?"
"You are running low on toilet paper. Please click here to purchase more toilet paper."
Well you know, you can't wipe with flat screen monitor after you read :)
Hyperom.com
I mean, you could video conference via WiFi with other people in iLoos all over the world.
their looXP is still in development.
I know you are psychotic, but please make an effort.
The article stated that MSN saw a decline of 300,000 users in the first quarter of this year. That's a lot of people shitting on MSN even without the deployment of MSN toilets.
This product opens up an opportunity for a whole new Microsoft slogan:--CTH
--Got Lists? | Top 95 Star Wars Line
Microsoft thinks that this is a good way to control the "entire" user experience. This isn't a new goal for Microsoft. It's just their execution that is lacking.
Or maybe this is their way of raking in the micropayments. Just imagine how valuable certain household commodities can be when you're stuck in a public porta-potty. Microsoft is just ensuring that they're the first and preferred choice when you need what you need.
on the can.
I know you are psychotic, but please make an effort.
At most festivals, the toilets become unuseable by the end. I don't know how it happens, but you get piss and shit every where - on the toilet, on the floor, even on the roof sometimes. I hope they come up with some way of making all their gear water and shit resistant.
If I seem short sighted, it is because I stand on the shoulders of midgets