The Management Secrets of T. John Dick

Craig Habeck writes "As a Dilbert aficionado, I was intrigued when a colleague handed me a book that he described as 'like Dilbert written from the point of view of the Pointy-Haired Boss.' I read it over the weekend and came into work on Monday with my sides still sore from laughing." Read on for the rest of what sounds like a good antidote to the plague of management/motivational airport books. The Management Secrets of T. John Dick author Augustus Gump pages 268 publisher Mainland Press rating 9 reviewer Craig Habeck ISBN 0970874693 summary Dilbert in Prose - Sort Of

In fact, the resemblance to Dilbert is confined to the setting (a dysfunctional company) and a general atmosphere of corporate absurdity that will be only too familiar to many of us. This is a novel which is closer in tone to British humor of the 1950s. For 268 pages we go inside the head of T. John Dick, a hopelessly incompetent but supremely self-confident marketing manager, transferred from Boston to a small company in the fictitious town of Falling Rock, North Carolina.

Dick immediately goes about licking the company into shape, with disastrous and frequently hilarious results.

The humor derives chiefly from the character of TJ himself and the stark contrast between his self-image and reality. In his mind, he is a dynamic leader in tune with the latest management techniques. He is fond of sharing with us some of his "greatest strengths," including his ability to see "the big picture." In reality, he is a bumbling nincompoop, obsessed with petty details like the tidiness of his employees' desks and his mind-numbingly complex Meeting Room Reservation Procedure, the constant flouting of which drives him to distraction. He is completely unaware of the source of amusement he provides for his colleagues, particularly his nemesis, the laconic VP of Finance, and Hans Kartoffel, the German acting President of the group.

TJ applies the same cutting edge management techniques to his marriage, with similar results. He is completely oblivious to his wife's frequent affairs. We would feel sorry for him, if he weren't such a jerk. In fact, we do occasionally find ourselves sympathizing with him, but we soon get over it.

TJ's unusual management style leads him into some unique (and very funny) situations. His arrangements for a celebration of two million accident-free work hours lead to a fire which burns down half the factory. He attempts to struggle through a violent attack of diarrhea during an important presentation. He accidentally locks the company's president in a restroom stall and endeavors to free him without being noticed. So accident-prone is he that we are hardly surprised when his golf pants catch fire. Of course, no matter what happens, TJ always has a perfectly rational explanation - and it's never his fault.

The character of TJ is an exaggerated but nonetheless very recognizable version of bosses we have known. I laughed, but I also squirmed at the thought that there is no shortage of TJs running around gumming up the gears of industry. The book will appeal to anyone, engineer, product manager, secretary or other corporate wage slave, who has ever had to deal with an incompetent boss or colleague.

The Management Secrets of T. John Dick concludes with a series of completely absurd topics for readers discussion groups. My favorite: "TJ's obsession with trivial details....might be described as a serious personality defect. Discuss some of your own personality defects. Bet you've got some real doozies! You might like to help your co-members by pointing out some of theirs."

The book's back cover reveals little about its author, Augustus Gump, so I turned to the publisher's web site www.mainlandpress.com. Gump has previously published a number of short stories and his humorous articles have appeared in the Charlotte Observer and other regional newspapers. This is his first novel. I will be looking out for his next one.

You (or your boss) can purchase The Management Secrets of T. John Dick from bn.com. Slashdot welcomes readers' book reviews -- to see your own review here, read the book review guidelines, then visit the submission page.

Comments

two million accident-free work hours?

[Mr. Sketch]

2000000/24 hours a day = 83333 days/365days a year = 228 years? I don't know of any companies that have been around that long. Unless, as a proper manager he counts each persons time separatly, so maybe they have 1000 employees and they've been accident free for 90 days. How bizarre.

However, the book does sound like it would be a fun read, so I might pick it up at some point.

Re:two million accident-free work hours?

[eoyount]

You forgot to divide by the number of people. You're exactly right in your second sentence. Companies count man-hours, so you would contribute 8 accident free hours for every shift you worked.

Re:two million accident-free work hours?

[seeesesk]

Perhaps you should ponder the section on obsessing over trivial details.

Re:two million accident-free work hours?

[jdavidb]

But if you count total man-hours, what's the big deal about having the accident at the celebration? Isn't it supposed to be consecutive man hours?

Oh, wait, he's a PHB. Maybe that's the point...

Re:two million accident-free work hours?

[clintp]

Lloyds of London has been operating as a shipping underwriter since the 17th century. Although I doubt they've been accident-free that long. :)

Re:two million accident-free work hours?

[TJ6581]

I don't know of any companies that have been around that long.

If you are looking for a few companies that meet this age criteria try Zildjian Cymbal Co. It is in Norwell, Mass., founded in Turkey in 1623 and now in its 14th generation of management by the Zildjian family.

for a more complete list of companies with some time behind them try this list.

Re:two million accident-free work hours?

[azav]

Weihenstephan brewery.
Founded 1040 AD.

http://www.brauerei-weihenstephan.de/

I win.

Re:two million accident-free work hours?

[agallagh42]

The Hudson's Bay Company was granted a Royal Charter from King Charles II on May 2, 1670. That's 333 years, 2 months, and 16 days, making it the oldest incorporated company in the world that is still in existance today.

Re:two million accident-free work hours?

[nojayuk]

The Whitechapel Bell Foundry started in 1570 on its current site. Later research indicated the company could trace itself back to 1420.

Some famous bells they have cast include the Liberty Bell (damaged in transit, they offered to repair it properly but a little war got in the way) and Big Ben. They recently cast a bell donated to the City of New York by the City of London on the first anniversary of 9/11.

http://www.whitechapelbellfoundry.co.uk/

Re:two million accident-free work hours?

[loosifer]

I think you are referring to irony, but one wouldn't know so from your post:

irony, n - Incongruity between what might be expected and what actually occurs: "Hyde noted the irony of Ireland's copying the nation she most hated" (Richard Kain).

Your statements just describe things that suck, not things that are ironic. Please, base your definitions of words on actual reading, not music, because apparently musicians are just as illiterate as the rest of America. It's crappy when it rains on your wedding day, but it's ironic if it happens after you chide all your friends for not preparing for rain on their wedding days yet you yourself don't prepare for it on your day. It's lame when you've got lots of spoons but need a knife, it's ironic when you've been slowly trading knives for spoons and you never actually need a knife until you run out of them.

My favorite, most poignant story of irony is a racist skinhead who decided he couldn't stay in any longer. When he informed the rest of the skinheads, they beat him up and left him almost unconscious on the side of the road. Multiple white people passed him by and did not help him, and finally a black couple saw him and helped him. See, that's irony, not just crappy

Please, read more, music less

.

Re:two million accident-free work hours?

[azav]

Silly Rabbit, that's not a company!

Universe, Co., ltd. would be the company.

Re:two million accident-free work hours?

[jhylkema]

The Henokiens is an association of family-owned companies that have been in business for at least 200 years and are still controlled by the descendents of the founder.

I got ya beat anyway. Beretta Arms Company and its U.S. counterpart have been around since 1526.

Re:two million accident-free work hours?

[KanSer]

The Hudson's Bay company has been existence since 1670. When Canada was formed as a country it was already 200 years old. They still operate stores all over Canada. You can still buy the same blankets at these stores that you could at the Hudson's Bay Company's trading post. Except now you give them paper or plastic instead of a corresponding number of Beaver pelts. Mmm... Beaver Pelt...

For those who have no idea who Zildjian is, know this. They are undoubtedly the manufacturers of the finest cymbals in the entire history of the world. I cannot describe for you the feeling I get when I hear their perfect resonance. (For the cymbal nerds, I have 60 year old beauties, but I don't read Arabic so I don't know what they are)

They are my benchmark for digital audio. When a speaker can reproduce that high, it is done. No further development is required, the upgrades will have to be made on us.

Re:two million accident-free work hours?

[mausmalone]

Actually... an accident at the "2,000,000 consecutive accident free hours" party is ironic.

We are led by the author's narration to believe that the company is actually an extremely safe one, but events show that it isn't. After all, one man's mistakes shouldn't lead to burning down half a factory if the company is inherently safe.

And your definition of Irony is lacking at best. By your definition, anything that happens that isn't quite as expected is irony.

10,000 spoons when all you need is a knife is implied irony. 10,000 spoons implies an expectation that spoons will be necessary, and events show that to be false. From the point of view of the person with the spoons, this is ironic.

A black fly in your chardonay(sp?) is ironic because chardonay is expensive. If you order chardonay at a restaurant, the expectation is that this restaurant (most likely high-class) will give a good presentation. events show that to be false, hence irony. From the point of view of the restaurant customer, this is ironic.

Rain on your wedding day could be ironic, assuming you set the date according to weather reports, but that's a stretch.

A lot more is ironic than you think. Which is, according to your description, ironic. You present a great defninition of irony and a persuasive argument, and all expectations point to you being right. Events, however, show that to be false because your strict interpretation neglects implication and point-of-view.

For a TV show that's funny in a similar way...

[PancakeMan]

...check out "The Office" (I get it on BBC America)

well, ok... I'll try that

[inode_buddha]

little challenge at the end of the review to explain my own failings.

1. I usually don't bother to care what I seem like to others; Instead, I concentrate on my goals and not much else.

2. I should pay attention to detail with the rest of life too, not just the contents of my hard drives.

Conclusion: I'm gonna buy this one, because it seems to provoke thought as well as laughter.

Mr. Bean = Boss?

[sssmashy]

His arrangements for a celebration of two million accident-free work hours lead to a fire which burns down half the factory. He attempts to struggle through a violent attack of diarrhea during an important presentation. He accidentally locks the company's president in a restroom stall and endeavors to free him without being noticed. So accident-prone is he that we are hardly surprised when his golf pants catch fire.

Sounds like the pointy-haired boss, portrayed by Rowan Atkinson.

Re:Mr. Bean = Boss?

[lpp]

Nah, part of the attraction to things like Dilbert is the powerlessness of those who realize how bad things are to change them. If a "boss" knew there was a problem and it was with the underlings, he would presumably have the power to do something. If neither the boss nor the underlings knew there was a problem (or what it was anyway), then there might be a problem creating a character that readers would relate to.

Just my thoughts...seems there's a reason the current format does so well.

Similar to the downhill slide of Dilbert

[sphealey]

We would feel sorry for him, if he weren't such a jerk. In fact, we do occasionally find ourselves sympathizing with him, but we soon get over it.

The early Dilberts were quite funny. They started going downhill IMHO when the character of the boss changed. Originally, the boss was a typical boss-guy: sometimes clueless, sometimes wrong or wrong-headed - but not always. From time to time the boss would demonstrate that his employees were not the proto-gods that they believed, but were also fallible human beings subject to stapler misfires.

Then when the drawing of the boss changed from the taller, more jowly look to the shorter, fatter-but-thinner-face guy, that changed. After that the employees were 100% godlike and the bosses 100% clueless.

At that point I found it to be a lot less funny. Because let's face it: a lot of the stupidies of the workplace are caused by the worker bees themselves, not just the evil bosses. And when Dilbert lost the balance that recognized that fact it started to slide (a slide which got worse when Scott Adams was fired from his real technical job).

sPh

Re:Similar to the downhill slide of Dilbert

[Kierthos]

Are you reading the same Dilbert? The one where Wally is a lazy good-for-no-work coffee drinker? Where Alice is frequently violent to fellow co-workers? The one where Dilbert causes most of his own misfortune when the PHB isn't involved?

The entire company is disfunctional. If they were godlike in skills, they wouldn't be working there. A recent comic even had Dilbert noticing that he wasn't even qualified for his own job any more.

Incompetence has _never_ been limited just to the PHB, nor just to the people who read those damned management books.

Kierthos

Re:Similar to the downhill slide of Dilbert

[mark_lybarger]

Because let's face it: a lot of the stupidies of the workplace are caused by the worker bees themselves, not just the evil bosses

spoken like a true middle management drone ;). management often determines the direction of a company; be it practices, procedures, technologies or who to partner with. they often also fail to listen to (or ask) the worker bees in the company their thoughts or ideas. when the worker bee quietly asks "WTF are you thinking?!?" they're often put into their place with some mumbo jumbo about "leveraging synergies across the organization in order to maximize the value provided to the customer".

Re:Similar to the downhill slide of Dilbert

[sbillard]

So... how's that corner office working out for you?

My TPS report will be ready by the end of the day.

Re:Similar to the downhill slide of Dilbert

[Fesh]

A recent comic even had Dilbert noticing that he wasn't even qualified for his own job any more.

Funny, I read that one as a comment on the absurdly inflated requirements listed in job postings these days, not that he was actually unfit for the job he was doing.

Although to be fair there's probably an arms race between the hiring managers and the buzzword-weilding resume-writers occuring.

Re:Similar to the downhill slide of Dilbert

[Anonymous Coward]

Absurdly inflated requirements?? oh, c'mon.. I'm sure there's people pounding on their doors with 10 years of Win2K experience, and at *least* 5 years of experience with Oracle9i.

I *sorely* laughed one time when I was job-shopping online, and found a posting for a company that was looking for someone with a PhD in IT Security, 10+ years experience with internet firewalls, and certifications up the wazoo... and then they say "we've had this job posted for over a year and have only had two applicants". Gee, I wonder why? Meanwhile one of the best firewall/security people I've ever met was in his mid-20's, a consumate geek with no college degree, and totally security-paranoid.

Now unemployed, I've seen a *lot* of jobs out there with totally rediculous requirements. Luckily, my old boss from a previous job (who loved me and knows how capable I am of *learning* new technologies on the fly) has a job lined up for me (although I've enjoyed my month off ;-) ).

I've interviewed people with certs and education up the wazoo, who couldn't pick up anything new without 6 months of training (and even then would do everything by 'rote'). And I've interviewed people who have no certs and not much post-HS education who would jump in and pick up anything in a week. Education is *not* everything, attitude and ability to learn is the most important.

I prefer the latter. I'd rather have someone who can jump in and pick something new up in a short time, and who is *interested* in what they do.. rather than just a paycheck. I was amazed in college (I didn't graduate) with all the people who were in a particular major just because it would 'pay well when they graduate'. I remember a senior year EE major asking for my help (I was a freshman CS major... who grew up tinkering in digital electronics - building my own boards, etc) in designing his final project so he could graduate. I took his design that was like 40 IC's and would never have worked and got it down to 10 IC's and something that actually would work in an hour. I was spouting off 74xxx series chip #'s, knowing exactly what they did off the top of my head, and he had to keep looking them up in the databook to find out what their function was (this is early 80's). The difference was, it wasn't a 'job' for me, it was something I enjoyed doing and was interested in and had done for years as a hobby at that point.

Re:Similar to the downhill slide of Dilbert

[voxlator]

Those inflated requirements ?

Perhaps it's an obvious clue that the job being offered is about to be taken by someone wielding a H1-B visa - it wasn't posted in some obscure journal too was it ?

:o)

--voxlator

Re:Similar to the downhill slide of Dilbert

[pmz]

Although to be fair there's probably an arms race between the hiring managers and the buzzword-weilding resume-writers occuring.

Are hiring managers smart enough to know that a resume that actually has all the requested buzzwords is lying profusely?

It seems that most job positions advertised could either be filled by gods or liars but not honest schmucks like me.

Re:Similar to the downhill slide of Dilbert

[Beliskner]

Funny, I read that one as a comment on the absurdly inflated requirements listed in job postings these days, not that he was actually unfit for the job he was doing.

Depressingly, I'm in this situation for real :-(

My manager is within earshot and I overheard him getting calls from the welfare office, I go to the welfare office's job postings website and to my horror I've found my own job on offer PLUS requiring certifications that I don't have. Despite the fact I've finished all my projects on time, they want someone with certification because that person would "seem" to be able to do the job better than me is my guess. I'm starting to lose faith in Capitalism, it just doesn't work, Sales teams can sell unfinished software (and regard selling bad software as a macho challenge), marketing teams can make the shoddiest trash look great. To be honest, after reading their description of my product, I feel like I'm making candy with all the toppings, not software

My manager told me "The Bug list for the software you just released is empty. Clearly our clients are unhappy with us and intending to switch to a different provider, I feel you have just lost us one customer, I would take it out of your paycheck but that might be illegal; don't expect a bonus this year"

Funny thing is, my Managers love Dilbert, and have somehow mentally distanced themselves from it applying to them. Perhaps they see it as a science fiction movie? Miners don't get treated like this because they turn to violence, perhaps that's what us software developers must do to prevent our jobs being outsourced offshore?

The Brittas Empire

[fermion]

It does sound like a british comedy. In fact it sounds like The Brittas Empire. Except in that one Gordon Brittas destroys the entire lesuire centre and comes out a hero. I think it is called rising to your level of incompetence.

The question it really raises is that of inflated levels of self esteem, or perhaps self worth. I prefer to think it is the later. In any case, it certainly illustrates the notion that an ability to initially present yourself as competent may be more important than in fact being competent. Unfortunately being able to fool people for a little while is often all that is needed to succeed.

Off topic, is there any official news on the Red Dwarf movie? Is a vapour or something that might happen?

Cover shot

[pen]

here's a shot of the cover

Re:Nerds for Nerds?

[gerf]

And this book review is of interest to nerds WHY EXACTLY? The reviewer makes a comparison to the lead character of this novel and a supporting character in a technology-based cartoon and that's enough to get this accepted on slashdot? WTF? This book has nothing to do with technology or nerds or anything that nerds care about! This has about as much relevance on slashdot as Martha Stewart's latest "Cooking Simplistic Crap For the Masses" book.

Engineers deal with business too. Do you think that every geek/nerd sits in a cube all day, working on crap, and never has to manage? Please, don't feed me that.

Re:Nerds for Nerds?

[hoggoth]

Since many of us work for T. John Dick I would disagree.

Start your own website, "Slasherdot: Strictly News for Nerds. Stuff that matters to one particular Anonymous Coward."

Kartoffel

[LordNimon]

FYI, "Kartoffel" is German for potato.

Re:Kartoffel

[pmz]

FYI, "Kartoffel" is German for potato.

No, it's what a German says, in English, when looking at an American luxury car.

Re:Nerds for Nerds?

[Yogurtu]

It has a LOT to do with nerds. Some day your parents will demand that you work for a living, and then you'll see.

Sounds like "The Office" ?

[devitto]

This is almost exactly like the office, in tone, if not setting.

"The Office" is a UK series that's won loads of the biggest awards, and is, I guess, something yet to make it over to the US on masse.

When it does, I think it'll be the next "Fawlty Towers"....

Re:Sounds like "The Office" ?

[gosquad]

The first season of the Office is shown regularly on BBC America and I have heard rumors Season 2 will be shown soon (I hope!). You can also get season one on PAL (I assume it's PAL) DVD in the uk if you have a way of playing it in North America.

Season 2 will be out soon on dvd from what I remember.

Re:Sounds like "The Office" ?

[anonicon]

Actually, "The Office" has just started over here on BBC-America (on cable TV). I've caught some of it and it's generally very funny (but not always). All-in-all, it's better than 90% of the shows on TV today.

Mainland Press is requesting stories...

[Anonymous Coward]

and "anecdotes illustrating his theory that the business world is inhabited almost exclusively by knuckleheads."

For the "The most disastrous business decision you ever witnessed" I would have to say IBM's decision to license DOS from Microsoft. Either that, or the current deathwish that SCO has against IBM and the computing industry in general.

"The most ridiculous presentation you ever heard": Hasn't Mr. Gump seen, or even heard, of the conference where Balmer comes onstage, jumps around, and screams "DEVELOPERS!" repeatedly at the top of his lungs? I found that hilarious.

Those should definitely make it into the next book.

Re:Mainland Press is requesting stories...

[sql*kitten]

For the "The most disastrous business decision you ever witnessed" I would have to say IBM's decision to license DOS from Microsoft.

That's second.. the first would be Digital Research not taking IBM's calls, thus forcing them to go see MS in the first place :-)

Another particularly stupid thing IBM did was ignoring the RDBMS market for as long as they did, and letting Oracle get such a huge headstart. But it makes you think... IBM accidentally created two huge industries, PCs and databases, and gave them away, and it's still one of the most powerful corporations in the world.

Did anyone read the review?

[MikeD83]

Dick immediately goes about licking the company into shape, with disastrous and frequently hilarious results.

I can't believe the Slashdot editors would allow a sentance like this to slip by.

Re:Did anyone read the review?

[Anonymous Coward]

Why? Because there are no grammatical errors?

Re:Did anyone read the review?

[JanneM]

Well, he _is_ supposed to be incompetent, after all...

Re:Did anyone read the review?

[RenaissanceGeek]

In less informed times (back when people believed that mice would spontaniously form if you left cotton and grain in a box together for long enough), it was also belived that bear cubs were actually born as undifferentiated blobs of flesh and fur. In order for them to achieve proper "bear" status, they had to be "licked into shape" by their mother.

Now, what was the problem?

I've been poking around various bookstores...

[idontgno]

but I haven't yet seen this title in the non-fiction aisles. Strange.

The Office available in the States in BBCA

[Dave21212]

Definitely worth watching. You can find it on BBCA Channel 264. The DirectTV website has an online programming guide that will help you find your favorite shows.

Re:Like, Hello???

[Fesh]

Because we already know where it is? The +1 informatives this got scare me.

There's only one godlike character in Dilbert.

[hndrcks]

I am MORDAC, The Preventer of Information Services!

...at least, everyone in my office thinks so...

The Office!

[dacetone]

Sounds like David from The Office (one of my favorite shows of all-time!). The most awful boss in the world, who thinks he's the greatest, everyone loves him and his 'artistic' soul. It's a show that makes you cringe while wanting more ;) I can't wait to read this book.

Re:Nerds for Nerds?

[mr_z_beeblebrox]

This book has nothing to do with technology or nerds or anything that nerds care about!

Exactly. Why would engineers care abou humor in the corporate atmosphere.

You should include a link to your resume, since you obviously aren't yet working in the field.

MRRP

[ch-chuck]

mind-numbingly complex Meeting Room Reservation Procedure

something tells me that Outlook© is somehow involved with this.

DTSMH

[hackrobat]

like Dilbert written from the point of view of the Pointy-Haired Boss

Why not pick up one written by Scott Adams himself? Dogbert's Top Secret Management Handbook

augustus gump = gavin sinclair

[scamper]

He wrote a humorous wee screed here...