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Matrix-Style Brain Interface Closer To Reality

Posted by timothy on from the be-your-own-neo dept.

atkulp writes "According to this Wired article, a private company, Cyberkinetics is seeking permission from the FDA to test a product called BrainGate that implants in the brain and can control actions on a computer. So far it works for monkeys and they'd like to see it as viable for quadriplegics and others in need. How soon until anyone can become the ultimate expansion card? Sign me up!"

48 of 567 comments (clear)

  1. screw the matrix by proj_2501 · · Score: 5, Funny

    I can get a remote-controlled monkey?!

    1. Re:screw the matrix by ArsonSmith · · Score: 5, Funny

      Imagine a beawulf cluster of US.

      --
      Paying taxes to buy civilization is like paying a hooker to buy love.
    2. Re:screw the matrix by nih · · Score: 5, Funny

      will this one do?

      --
      I'm a rabbit startled by the headlights of life :(
    3. Re:screw the matrix by Codeboi · · Score: 3, Funny

      Flash! PETA activist beaten to death by R/C Monkey. News at 11!

    4. Re:screw the matrix by carlos_benj · · Score: 3, Funny

      What would you do with a robot on your lap? Never mind. I don't think I'd want to know....

      --

      --

      As a matter of fact, I am a lawyer. But I play an actor on TV.

    5. Re:screw the matrix by JudgeFurious · · Score: 2, Funny

      My God, I think you may have just made his point for him Mister AC. Good on you!

      --
      Appended to the end of comments you post. 120 chars.
  2. Comment removed by account_deleted · · Score: 2, Funny

    Comment removed based on user account deletion

  3. Yes, but .. by Autonomous+Cowherder · · Score: 5, Funny

    .. will I be able to run Linux?

    1. Re:Yes, but .. by SamiousHaze · · Score: 2, Funny

      Maybe, but you'd be fucked if you botched installing a new kernel.

    2. Re:Yes, but .. by diersing · · Score: 3, Funny

      In Soviet Russia, Linux RUNS you!!, or something

    3. Re:Yes, but .. by NeoThermic · · Score: 5, Funny

      Or a direct link to your brain got posted on slashdot...

      NeoThermic

      --
      Use my link above, or to view my server, NeoThermic.com
    4. Re:Yes, but .. by hesiod · · Score: 2, Funny

      > humans are already watercooled!

      D'oh, of course you are right :)

      > I guess liquid nitrogen would work

      That would give a whole new level of meaning to the phrase "Brain freeze."

  4. Wow... by Undaar · · Score: 4, Funny

    So far it works for monkeys...

    Can they use it to teach the monkeys to program?
    That would make them the ultimate code monkeys!
    *ducks*

    --
    ~ "When I'm of that age I'm just going to live up a tree."
    1. Re:Wow... by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1, Funny

      But Indian monkeys will still work for less bananas than the American monkeys.

    2. Re:Wow... by worst_name_ever · · Score: 3, Funny
      That would make them the ultimate code monkeys!

      One time I hired a code monkey to write code for me at work. I would just sit there with my mind a complete blank while the monkey typed on a little keyboard. At the end of the project my boss said "Team, I want you to give a presentation on your code." So I made some PowerPoint slides that said "Hello, my name is Bingo. I like to climb on things. Can I have a banana? Eek eek." I got fired and my job was transferred to India. When I told my wife about it she said, "I told you, never trust a monkey!" The end.

      --

      In Soviet Rush, today's Tom Sawyer gets high on you.
    3. Re:Wow... by Uma+Thurman · · Score: 2, Funny

      Hate to break it to you, but all your competition in the job market consists of primates.

      We're talking monkeys working for other talking monkeys, making things that will convince yet other talking monkeys (who could be anywhere on the planet of the talking monkeys) to part with their monkey money in exchange for whatever you are making. Really, your whole life is all about whatever pleases a talking monkey.

      It boggles the monkey mind.

      --
      This is America, damnit. Speak Spanish!
    4. Re:Wow... by cygnus · · Score: 2, Funny
      Can they use it to teach the monkeys to program?
      That would make them the ultimate code monkeys!
      *ducks*
      that's just not right.

      code monkeys have to be *monkeys*, not ducks!

      --
      Just raise the taxes on crack.
  5. Ugh... by ManicGiraffe · · Score: 5, Funny

    So....imagine a Beowulf cluster of *me*!

    [rimshot...]

    1. Re:Ugh... by dasheiff · · Score: 2, Funny

      So....imagine a Beowulf cluster of ...us...

      Restance is Futile.

  6. GET SOME PRIORITIES!! by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0, Funny

    Get some priorities people! Right now our commander-in-chief, George W Bush, is setting our great nation on a new course in space exploration and you talking about crap like this!

  7. No M$ for mine... by BitWarrior · · Score: 5, Funny

    I'm game as long as it's not controlled by Windows. I can see it now, it's the ultimate experience in VR except for the minor annoyance of crashing and killing the connected users after a few days.

    1. Re:No M$ for mine... by SpyderPSU · · Score: 2, Funny

      I'm game as long as it's not controlled by Windows. I can see it now, it's the ultimate experience in VR except for the minor annoyance of crashing and killing the connected users after a few days.

      You think it would take that long? ; )

    2. Re:No M$ for mine... by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1, Funny

      "Reboot Grandma, she bluescreen'ed again!"

  8. Re:Hackers... by Jim_Maryland · · Score: 3, Funny

    It's not the backup that causes the problem, it's the restore.

  9. Regretting... by i_want_you_to_throw_ · · Score: 4, Funny

    How soon until anyone can become the ultimate expansion card? Sign me up!"

    Damned ISA interface! I was told when it was welded on that it was all I would need. That and 640K!

  10. I want my math coprocessor by ITR81 · · Score: 3, Funny
    Doesn't everyone need this??

    Don't forget ram doubler. I would love to store memories.

    1. Re:I want my math coprocessor by CaptnMArk · · Score: 2, Funny

      Won't work.

      the Digital restrictions management will not allow you to remember anything you see or hear.

  11. CTRL-ALT-DEL by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 2, Funny

    How can I think all three at the same time? Ahh ... I see a blue screen on the horizon.

  12. Wireless? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1, Funny
    Surgenor said the whole system eventually will be wireless.

    ...and the wardrivers rejoice

  13. Re:Quake? Warcraft? by DanThe1Man · · Score: 4, Funny

    Dude, if you want realistic fighting with the chance of possible brain damage, just join the army.

  14. Re:Not exactly the Matrix by Lane.exe · · Score: 5, Funny
    It would be killer for fighter pilots though

    I thought so too, until I realised that the human brain has a tendency to wander. Sure, in the middle of aerial combat they'd be focused, but can you imagine what would happen in the case that some pilot is cruising along and thinks of his girlfriend back home? Yeah that's right... a very sharp climb into a stall.

    --
    IAALS.
  15. Hmmm... by Viking+Coder · · Score: 2, Funny

    I, for one, welcome our new cyborg overlords.

    --
    Education is the silver bullet.
  16. Re:Not like The Matrix at all by SpyPlane · · Score: 5, Funny

    If it can get information from my brain, can I finally prove to my wife that I have no f-ing clue what she is talking about most of the time, or that I REALLY don't care where we go eat friday!

    Let me know.

    --
    "We need a fourth law of Robotics: Stop Fingering My Wife"
  17. Just be sure to run Ad-aware every week . . . by StefanJ · · Score: 2, Funny
    . . . or you're just asking to be turned into a walking, talking spam bot:

    "Carbon units, take heed: Lengthen your reproductive extension! Wealthen yourself through expediting currency transfer for expired-dictator spouse-counterpart! Observe vixen-type hu-mans frolicking in their dorm-units!"*

    Stefan

    * Stilted borg language added for comedic effect.

  18. Doubt it.. by ciroknight · · Score: 4, Funny

    I doubt you meet the system requirements ;) you need at least a 386...

    --
    "Victory means exit strategy, and it's important for the President to explain to us what the exit strategy is." G.W.Bush
  19. Encryption by xSquaredAdmin · · Score: 3, Funny
    How do they come up with the encryption keys?

    "Alright, now think of any number between 0 and 18446744073709551615."

    OR, if you're using 128-bit encryption:

    "...between 0 and 3.4028236692093846346337460743177x10^38"

    --
    Crushing dreams at the speed of sarcasm
  20. Re:Not exactly the Matrix by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Funny

    No, I think the plane would dump all of it's fuel. ;)

  21. Re:I'd love one. by tommck · · Score: 2, Funny
    Yeah... it would be really cool to think about code and have it written and debugged for me... :-) It would be like a manager, only better!

    --
    ---- It puts the lotion on its skin or else it gets the hose again. It does this whenever it's told.
  22. Just Remember.... by hardgeus · · Score: 4, Funny

    Just remember our experiences from the computer world...

    NEVER use BrainJack v1.0

    Always wait for the point release!

  23. Seems great at first ... by RedA$$edMonkey · · Score: 2, Funny

    ... until you realize your being hooked up to a microsoft product. Takes the blue screen of death to a whole new level.

  24. To quote Randy Quaid by MajorDick · · Score: 2, Funny

    "every time the wife would turn on the microwave, I'd piss my pants and forget who I was for half-an-hour."

    Not to mention static electricity would probably be a SERIOUS phobia

  25. Re:Not exactly the Matrix by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1, Funny

    Fire all it's missles (a little early of course)?

  26. Wow. by adun · · Score: 5, Funny

    Gives the phrase Blue Screen of Death a whole new lease on terror, doesn't it?

  27. Re:Not exactly the Matrix by kin_korn_karn · · Score: 2, Funny

    no, the Matrix is fictional.

  28. Re:Quake? Warcraft? by Rallion · · Score: 2, Funny

    Hence my preference for laser tag, yes.

  29. Re:We are the Borg by geeber · · Score: 4, Funny

    I feel a song coming on....

    We are the Borg,
    We are the children
    We are the ones who assimilate
    So quit resistin'

    It's a choice we're makin,
    Connecting our own brains,
    But it's true we'll make a bigger hive
    Just you and me!

    --
    Download my free songs!
  30. Re:Not exactly the Matrix by grgyle · · Score: 2, Funny

    "Fox 2, why is your refueling boom extended? Fox 2, do you receive?"

    --
    ----- And all that the Lorax left here in this mess was a small pile of rocks, with one word...UNLESS.
  31. Monkey Brains? by arothmanmusic · · Score: 2, Funny

    I wonder how long it would take an implanted monkey connected to a computer running MS Word to type up the script for "Hamlet"?