Slashdot Mirror
Orwellian Tech Support
alteran writes "Here's a very well-written piece on what goes on inside a tech-support call center. Makes working for Initech seem good. Sorry about the forced ad-viewing - it only last about 10 seconds, and the article is worth it."
A: i have a copy of the light bulb here at my desk and it works fine for me. are you familiar with the use of light bulb? okay, can you tell me which version of light bulb you are running - it should say either 60w or 100w on the top rounded surface of the the bulb itself. so, to check the version number you will need to remove the fixture if you have one. is the light bulb installed in a ceiling-mounted fixture light or is it for a desktop style lamp? okay?
right, it appears as if you have the correct version of light bulb. there are a number of possible reasons why you are experiencing this problem. first, however, i need you to explain the nature of the darkness. is the darkness intermittent? is it partial or total? are there other light bulbs in your work environment that are displaying the same problem? are there other problems aside from the darkness?
let's start with the simplest possible solution first. if you have a desklamp or other exposed-bulb installation, could you check to see if the appliance is plugged in. to do this, locate the black power cord at the bottom of the lamp or other installation and follow it to the end. you should find a plug connected to a socket on the wall approximately ten to fifteen centimeters above the floor.
if you are using a ceiling or other permanent installation we'll have to test the switch. first, locate the switch. it should be attached to the wall and be from 1.25 to 1.75 meters above the floor. switches are usually located adjacent to doorways. now, toggle the switch up and down. is the darkness persisting?
hm. is your installation battery operated? like a flashlight? is your installation on a timer or motion detector? is this a refrigerator light bulb? have you tried opening and closing the door? is the bulb florescent rather than incandescant? has it had time to warm up?
okay, it appears as if the bulb will need to be changed. i'm going to give you an incident number. someone from physical plant will be by within ten working days to change your light bulb. please give him your incident number.
2 1337 4 u!
You Are Being Flamed Because
[ ] You posted a Religious Thread
[ ] You posted a accusation with no proof
[ ] You posted a thread containing 1337 talk
[ ] You posted a me > u thread
[ ] you posted a worthless offensive thread
[ ] You continued a long, stupid thread
[ ] You committed crimes against pork biproducts
[ ] You posted a "YOU ALL SUCK" message
[ ] You haven't read the FAQ
[x] You don't know which forum to post in
[ ] You just plain suck
[ ] You posted false information
[x] You posted something totally uninteresting
[ ] You doubleposted
[ ] YOU POSTED A MESSAGE ALL WRITTEN IN CAPS
[ ] You posted racist crap
[ ] I don't like your tone of voice
[ ] You are not civilized enough to post in these forums
[ ] Yuo mispeled evry sengle wurd.
[ ] Your parents are related
[ ] You and your wife are related
[ ] You dated my sister
[ ] You dated my brother
[ ] You made love to my dog
In Punishment, You Must:
[ ] Give up your AOL Internet account
[x] STFU & GTFO
[ ] Jump into a bathtub while holding your monitor
[ ] Actually post something relevant
[ ] Read the f****** FAQ
[ ] Call Bush and inform him he sucks
[ ] Go to your room with no supper
[x] Apologize to everybody on this forum
[ ] Go stand in the middle of a Highway
[ ] Recite the Greek alphabet backwards
[ ] Take a bath in bleach
[ ] Drink out of a spitoon
[x] Eat my ass
[ ] Grind a rail on your sack
[ ] All of the above
In Closing, I'd Like to Say:
[ ] 1 R 1337
[x] Pwned
[ ] GG no re
[x] Blow me
[ ] Get a life
[ ] Me > u
[ ] Never post again
[ ] I pity your dog
[ ] Go to hell
[ ] Your IQ must be 7
[ ] Take your s*** somewhere else
[ ] STFU & GTFO
[ ] Learn to post or f*** off
[ ] Go jump into some industrial equipment
[ ] STFU botter
[ ] All of the above
"Here's a very well-written piece on what goes on inside a tech-support call center."
Things go on inside tech-support centers?!? I thought they just put everyone on hold!
tim
Makes working for Initech seem good.
:P
"PC Load letter? What the fuck does THAT mean?!"
Oh and don't forget the cover sheet for those TPS Reports
Join the TWIT army now!
I didn't see any forced ad viewing?
Seems like the first two paragraphs is all the article-reading you can stand...
The last three words does suffice pretty well.
"Bullshit. Total bullshit."
And we wonder why computer illiterate people always come to directly to the geek in their life for help whenever something goes wrong.
My "well configured Firefox" didn't stop the ads. So I guess you only read 2 paragraphs, huh? Don't feel bad, you still did better than most Slashdot readers do.
If my answers frighten you, stop asking scary questions.
Actually, you got the premium install from Comcast it seems. The only difference between their premium install and their standard one is the software-for-the-clueless package they give you on that CD.
Internet Help Desk skit (it's in quicktime)
It's mildly amusing, but there is grains of truth in the humor...
e.
Build Your Own PVR/HTPC news, reviews, &
This could be a fun quiz addition for e-mode.com: Which Tech Support Staffer Are You?
I think I am a "Santa"
I thought that only *special* customers got access to the English-speaking tech support, and the rest of us (err, the rest of you-I built my own box) have to slug it out with Ashok the incompetent until further notice.
If my answers frighten you, stop asking scary questions.
(Score: -1, Needs to get laid)
Back when Microsoft Office was pretty new, Bill Gates was touring the facility and in one of the call centers, he discovered a couch in the center of the room. When he asked about the couch, he was told that it was the Mail-Merge couch; because when anyone needed help with Mail-Merge, they would be on the phone for a long time.
"Can there be a Klein bottle that is an efficient and effective beer pitcher?"
"Sorry about the forced ad-viewing - it only last about 10 seconds, and the article is worth it."
alteran is obviously the owner of the advertisement! It's a consipracy!
Pereant, inquit, qui ante nos nostra dixerunt.
"Confound those who have said our remarks before us."
well, better get talking to RIAA, or SCO, maybe they will be on your side....
Eat a Chicken, You know you want to.
If you haven't seen it already, go to the Three Dead Trolls in a Baggie web site and watch their "Welcome to the Internet Help Desk" video.
You have no right to copy an article in bulk from Salon to another site.
Then what gives you the right to read what he copied? Terrorist!!!
I have a "Ken" at my current support job. Sometimes I overhear the conversations and I laugh to the point of tears and suffocation. He has what I call "Tech Support Tourettes" and uses the mute button on his headset to great effect.
Whenever I start to get frustrated with calls, I simply take a five second break and listen in on "Ken". He is the office stress reliever and we have a pool going around on when he is going to kick the bucket. I think that is the only reason the company keeps him, as mental health for the rest of us.
My most memorable incident recalls a customer who had the unfortunate luck of calling in to "Ken" to complain and make legal threats. Sharp as ever, "Ken" transferred him to our "Legal Department" (we don't have one that I know of) at extension 600. Funny thing is, our extensions only go to the mid 500's, so no one was going to answer the call and the guy would wait on hold potentially forever.
Did I mention he deals exclusively with Macs? I can't imagine what would happen if moved to PC support. Probably could replace his chair with a coffin.
Where'd you copy that from?
Here?
Why do they have a picture of some bloke phoning a sex line next to the article.
Karen is part of a growing group called givers.
When looked at in a tech support experience sort of way, the whole Goatse Giver / Receiver model seems apt, as a long drawn out episode with tech support will often lead to one feeling like the receiver.
__ Someday, but not this morning, I'll finally learn to use the preview button.
Holy crap. You get _callers_ fired? Heres hoping I never get routed to your call center...
To me punter will always be a file transfer protocol from my beloved Commodore days.
To "punt" is also a term used in baseball. It means to hit the ball very softly so it lands shortly in front of you. You then try to make it to first base before anyone can reach the point where the ball landed. Because the ball only goes a short distance there is no chance that someone from the opposing team will catch it, scoring a point.
c++;
"Quit whining and go get a damn screwdriver. I don't have time for this bullshit."
Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. I'm stealing and using that.
For every annoying gentoo user, are three even more annoying anti-gentoo crybabies. Take Yosh from #Gimp for example.
Yep, that's still Warwick Castle. I think I'm definitely in Great Britain.
Which Tech Support Staffer Are You?
I think I am a "Santa"
You're sacked. I on the other hand am Rudolf the "who knows?" Reindeer.
wow - another Streamer!
I've worked for Stream in N.Ireland, Dallas and Holland - and i can confirm the lack of training. Problem-solving was never emphasised, rather reduce call times and meet targets. I've supported over 7 major contracts for various manufacturers - and the absolute worst case scenario was 8 hours training in a product we were totally unfamiliar with, then thrown onto the phones. Talk about being thrown to the wolves!
However, i can safely say that the experience i gained with Stream has benefited me in my career change to the legal profession, where i can bullshit and bluff with the best of them!
Water Technologies from GE
Helping conserve one of our most precious natural resources.
See what's possibleThere. Was that so painful? If you're going to plagerize the article, you might as well plagerize the ad too!
Wanted: witty unique signature. Must be willing to relocate.
> I don't have the mod points I had yesterday, or I'd have modded the parent down. Sorry, but that's just not right. And it makes Slashdot readers look like a mob of freeloaders.
I don't know how to break this to you, but...
I disliked that job. I didn't hate it, like the Two Guys stint I wrote about last month, but it was not a great experience.
The management was bumbling and just on the edge of mean - always sitting on us to get times down. But, it was Back In The Day, so I had GREAT stock options, so I put up with it for THREE YEARS.
The worst part were the customers, for me. Some were nice, and I liked them, but some were complete IDIOTS.
Here's a few conversations I remember:
Me: So, you're getting a what error?
Caller: Ah got me a tap negative ONE error, and then nuthin happens.
Me: Type one? Sounds like it's a problem with your extensions - some kind of conflict.
Caller: Oh? Wull, lemme check that out raaaht now...
(The sound of the reciever clattering on the table and footsteps across a wooden floor. The sound of furniture moving. The sound of more furniture moving. Fottsteps coming back tothe phone)
Caller: Why it CAIN'T be an extensheeyuns problem.
Me: Really? How do you figure?
Caller: Wull, ever-thang's plugged in JES' FINE!!!
Another fine user of our product:
Caller: Hi! My name's JIM! Who're YOU? ... how does it not work?
Me: Ralph. How can I help you Jim?
Caller: Well, my (program) won't fucking WORK! (puffs from a cigarette)
Me: Bummer. You're using it for what purpose there Jim?
Caller: I'm the webmaster of the Bluebird Trailer Court. I'm tryin to set up a way that we call all get onto the web and order supplies for our, ummm, homes without any kind of time wastin' - so like if someone runs out of Propane, they just get on the web and bingo: everything is done all automatic like.
Me: That's a pretty sophisticated job, Jim.
Caller: DAMN FUCKIN STRAIGHT! AND YOUR GODDAMN SOFTWARE AIN'T FUCKIN' WORKIN! (swills something from a bottle, and smokes some more.)
Me: I understand Jim, and I'm here to help you. Where you located? What's your serial number? (We do the business part of the call) Wow. Texas? You must be hot there this time of year.
Jim: It ain't the heat, it's the damn humidity (slap of skin. Truck roars by... I'm getting the impression he's sitting there crushing mosquitoes, drinking whiskey -his speech is beginning to slur as he gets louder and louder; in his underwear - because it's an oven where he is, and lives in the trailer next to the Highway - judging by all the traffic noise. A vision of HELL - a trailer park in southern Texas...)
and DAMN it's humid here today!
Me: Bummer Jim. so, let's see
Jim: It doesn't do what I want it to.
Me: Are you in front of it now?
Jim: YEP! AND IT'S DOING IT AGAIN!!!!
Me: What? I thought it didn't work...
Jim: It works - IT JUST DON'T WORK RIGHT! DAMMIT! (swills more booze smokes more cigarette...)
Me: OK OK - quit the app and do EXACTLY as I tell you...
Of course, he didn't and all he did was get completely shitfaced drunk and go through a pack of Merits. Eventually he started hitting his computer. At that point, I couldn't stop stifling my laughter, and put him on hold. I conference called him in with another tech, because Jim was a LOSER beyond loser. We were both hitting the mute button because we were laughing hysterically at this nincompoop. It devolved to something like this:
Jim: SEE? THERE!!! IT DID IT AGAIN! I'm tellin ya this fucking thing is CURSED!!!!
Me: I'm sorry Jim, I didn't see anything - we're on the telephone. Tell me what you saw.
Jim: OH RIGHT! uuuuh Well, IT' DIDN'T WORK AGAIN! DAMMIT! And (hits computer) this damned Compaq is a piece of CRAP. I friggin HATE this thing.
Me: I'm not sure it's the computer, and while I know you're using a very old PC, we do make the same software for Macintosh, if you do cross over to Mac. So either way, you can use this program and not lose your work.
Shoes for Industry. Shoes for the Dead.
Yes, it signifies that the article was writen in Tuscon, Arizona. In context, the writer was clearly using the American defintion of punt, and thus punter.
Your milage at The Reg may vary.
I perhaps composed my post somewhat poorly, not explicitly pointing out that I was supplying the defintion of "punt" to those who were not British, or otherwise not American, who might misapply the British definition to the article, where it would make little sense, implicitly recognizing that although the article might well be written by Americans and for Americans the web is, nonetheless World Wide.
Thus, because England and America are two countries seperated by a common language, and English being the lingua franca of the web, confusion is oft the result, especially to those for whom neither English nor American are their first language.
If my attempt to clarify only added to the confusion it was not deliberately intended to do so.
KFG
Based on the last line of the story, I had to wonder if the whole thing was made up!
But, I recall one of my best friends being trained to handle support at [name withheld, but a hugemongous PC company in Texas] in the early-mid 90s. If the user had an actual problem, as opposed to simply not being able to figure out an app, the first two things my friend was taught to try were:
1) reboot the computer
2) if that doesn't fix it, reinstall Windows.
And he wasn't kidding me - that was how he approached his home system, afterwards, as well.
He didn't stay in support very long, either.
Heh, well, considering that salon is DOWN right now, what's the problem here? I just watched their silly GE ad, and then I click to go on to the article and their site is refusing connections. Salon just got a dime for free from me! :)
4th and 70? That's field goal range man... why the hell would you punt??
Actuaries - making accountants look interesting since 1949
Some quotes from the guy I mentioed in the cubicle next to me:
"...are you fucking retarded?"
"I am sorry, I can't fix stupidity."
"Yeah, it's the email chip. Maybe someone at the factory replaced it with an idiot chip."
"Of course it works, it's a god damn Mac."
"You're annoying me, I am cancelling your warranty."
That's all that comes to mind right now.
You need to accept cookies. That didn't solve the problem? You may need to reformat your computer.
Linux: Free if your time is worthless.
I cried when they took Ken the Screamer away to make him into horse glue.
"Just once, I'd like to meet an alien menace that wasn't immune to bullets." -- The Brigadier, Dr. Who
There is only a need for so many doctor (even that they can do remotely these days) or burger flippers.
Have you seen the kitchen of a McDonald's lately? The griddle they cook the burgers on folds in half like a waffle iron to cook both sides at once, so the patties take less time to cook (I imagine other fast-food places will follow suit, if they haven't already). The burgers don't need to be flipped. Even the American bastion of lowest-common-denominator-ism, the noble McDonald's burger-flipper, is now defunct. What is the world coming to, when even our stereotypes are becoming obsolete?
For security, the MD5 hash of this message and sig is 09f911029d74e35bd84156c5635688c0.
It's a pretty rare punt that does fly through the uprights. We like to call that a "field goal."
Gamingmuseum.com: Give your 3D accelerator a rest.
> there's always a chace that your delicate data will be harmed by the onset of a good hard kick.
It was a Commodore. Most times, a kick is how you fix the computer.
4th and 70?
:)
Holy crap, your team sucks
My team is the Bears. It's a wonder they still have the ball.
This space intentionally left blank
I know someone who used to work there, supporting a rather popular hardware product of theirs that people try to run free operating systems on. (I always thought it was rather foolish of them to include moving parts in this product.) A few months ago she got a job with the school district working with "special" students. I told her that she should be happy because she was now working with a higher class of customers.
No, this is not Great Britain, this is Slashdot, which is internal... internatina... intranationa... oh fuck, it's all-American anyway. (See also here for how to filter out uninformed comments like the one you replied to.)
I used to work for an undisclosed ISP in Australia. ..
Whilst working there, we got a new call/distribution/PABX system which used TAPI & run on NT, so we could watch the queues from software on our desktop.
It didn't take long to figure out that if you DoS attacked the NT box, the whole queueing system would go down! no more calls! it took them bout 4 months to fix it
You tried your best, & you failed miserably,
The lesson is:
Never Try