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Star Wars Episode III : Birth Of The Empire

Posted by timothy on from the birth-of-a-marketing-blitz dept.

lemmen writes "According the Brtish tabloid The Sun, Star Wars III will carry the name 'Birth Of The Empire'. This will be announced soon according the article. Also it describes one of the highlights of the movie: 'A thrilling lightsabre clash between Obi-Wan Kenobi and Anakin Skywalker while surfing on lava.' Can't wait till May 15th 2005!" Thanks to reader ExoticMandibles, another quality news source: Teen Hollywood. Update: 05/20 05:47 GMT by T : Gokey writes with a correction: "StarWars.com indicates that the movie is released May 19th, 2005 (exactly one year from now) not May 15th, 2005."

32 of 970 comments (clear)

  1. "Birth of the Empire"? by Radon+Knight · · Score: 5, Funny

    I suppose the only consolation is that it could have been worse. How, exactly, is eluding me at the moment, but I am sure that it could have been.

    1. Re:"Birth of the Empire"? by macshune · · Score: 5, Funny

      Exactly! The title is some sort of weird grandfather paradox. This movie gives birth to the characters that inhabit the earlier movies later in time that give Lucas the money to create his empire so that he can make the former movies to create his empire because his empire is dependent on the characters that are in Birth of the Empire.

      ...right? Hmmmm, I predict that the reply to this post that asks, "Huh?" will get +5 Funny.

    2. Re:"Birth of the Empire"? by silverbolt · · Score: 5, Funny

      Huh ?

    3. Re:"Birth of the Empire"? by Minwee · · Score: 5, Funny

      If Episode III is "Birth of the Empire", then that would make the two before it "Painful Contractions of the Empire".

  2. Surfing on lava? by Andorion · · Score: 5, Funny

    ... surfing on lava? ... surfing on lava? ... surfing on lava? ... sorry, brain seems to be malfunctioning.

    ~Berj

    1. Re:Surfing on lava? by Profane+MuthaFucka · · Score: 5, Funny

      Makes sense. I bet they are even going to jump right over a lava shark.

      --
      Fascism trolls keeping me up every night. When I starts a preachin', he HITS ME WITH HIS REICH!
    2. Re:Surfing on lava? by BuddieFox · · Score: 5, Funny

      "sorry, brain seems to be malfunctioning."

      Well, considering the quality of the past two Star Wars movies, estimates say that George Lucas's brain did the same thing ca 1984..

    3. Re:Surfing on lava? by 3Suns · · Score: 5, Funny

      Seriously, what is Anakin thinking?? He could get seriously, permanently burned... or worse! ...

      --

      -3Suns

      ~~~~
      The Revolution will be Slashdotted
    4. Re:Surfing on lava? by cdrudge · · Score: 5, Funny

      Yeah...cause light sabers, Jabba the Hut, and giant DeathStar are just so believable.

    5. Re:Surfing on lava? by cbovasso · · Score: 5, Funny

      Its about time a movie involved lava surfing. Haven't we suffered long enough without a good lava surfing scene? Think of the character development possibilities!

      Lava surfing = Oscar.

      --
      I ask for a car and I get a computer. How's about that for being born under a bad .sig?
    6. Re:Surfing on lava? by FiDooDa · · Score: 5, Funny
      but "lava surfing" has my hopes wayyyy down at the moment.

      Then it all fits together with episode 4 a new hope ;)

  3. Just one more push Mrs. Sideous .... by pyros · · Score: 5, Funny

    Aahhhhh, it's a Vader! Congratulations.

  4. Keep Continuity. PLEASE Don't Make It Stupid Surf by kannibal_klown · · Score: 5, Funny

    I vaguely remember that much of Anakin's damage (and the subsequent need of the Darth-suit for life support) was due to him and Ben fighting near lava or plasma. So, I'm glad that's still in there.

    But I swear to God in heaven! If the battle consists of Ben and Anny fighting while surfing on 2 rocks floating on a lava flow, I'm walking out.

    Knowing Lucas lately, they'll be Beach Boys playing in the background, and Anny will be catchign some "serious air, maannnnn".

  5. What a coincidence... by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Funny

    That's exactly how I would have described my feelings about more prequels after the first one.

    1. Re:What a coincidence... by Hits_B · · Score: 5, Funny

      Ohhhhh the irony...the very ones that are already bitching about the movie before it is even released will be the first ones in line. And probably in some lame stormtrooper getup they made out of styrofoam and a sharpie

  6. Great title..not by fliptout · · Score: 5, Funny

    This is one birth that should have been aborted.

    --
    A witty saying proves you are wittier than the next guy.
  7. or... by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Funny

    Anakin dies... Episode 7 comes out months later revealing that JarJar is ObiWan's new Padawan and that episodes 4-6 were just a dream. New franchise of starwars movies announced.

  8. Spoiler alert by Minwee · · Score: 5, Funny
    "The sixth movie in the series also features Anakin's transformation into evil Darth Vader and his baby son, Luke, being smuggled to safety to the desert planet Tatooine."

    Holy crap! Darth Vader is Luke's father? Way to spoil the ending for me, guys.

  9. Re:hmmmm.... i wonder.... by kannibal_klown · · Score: 5, Funny

    The story of Anakin's physical transformation was already told in books from a WHILE back.

    But yeh, it goes something like that.

    At least Lucas didn't completely shred everything and say "you know, I think we should make him wear the suit because Jar Jar accidentally superglues it to his head."

  10. Re:A great birthday present George! by the_mad_poster · · Score: 5, Funny

    Don't screw it up? DON'T SCREW IT UP!?

    DID YOU WATCH THE LAST TWO MOVIES!? DID YOU READ THE PART OF THE ARTICLE THAT SAYS SURFING ON LAVA!?

    The only way this could not be screwed up is if the lava is real, Lucas is the surfboard, and he does his own damn stunts.

    --
    Alito: A vote for Alito is a punch in the eye to put that bitch back in her place!
  11. Yoda on the fiddle by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Funny

    Yoda needed cane to walk and then doing double back flip, mctwists while fighting.

    Ah you see, that is Yoda being the crafty little bugger that he is. Notice that he waits until everyone else (except his opponent of course) is out cold before engaging in said acrobatics. As soon as the others start to come round he is back on the stick before they can notice.

    I suspect a benefit/social security fiddle of some sort...
    1. Re:Yoda on the fiddle by Gzip+Christ · · Score: 5, Funny
      I suspect a benefit/social security fiddle of some sort...
      If ever there was cut and dried example of why we need to raise the retirement age for social security benefits, Yoda is it. He went on to milk the system for a good 3 - 4 hundred years and now, as you so insightfully pointed out, we discover that he easily could have worked at least 200 - 300 more years. If the baby boomers don't kill the social security system for us, the Jedi certainly will - raise the retirement age now!
  12. Official Name posted at starwars.com by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Funny

    I just saw this banner on starwars.com

    Episode III: A Year to Go

    WhatMeWorry

  13. Re:"Surfboards?" by The+Ultimate+Fartkno · · Score: 5, Funny



    And at some point during that battle, there *will* be a "clever" visual gag that makes the lava-surfing look like real surfing, and at that point a major character will say "whoah!" like unto the manner of Keanu Reeves. Ad at that point, I will fling poo at the screen.

    Mark my words, George Lucas! Poo!

  14. Re:"Surfboards?" by heir2chaos · · Score: 5, Funny

    Oh man, finally a movie to put a Beach Boys song in.

  15. Coming soon to your local XXX theatre by billyradcliffe · · Score: 5, Funny

    Star Whores III: Girth Of The Empire

  16. Re:"Surfboards?" by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Funny

    WTF is this? Is the movie even done yet? No! And here you are, condemning it for shit that may or may not even be in it!

    I'm going to complain about the scene where the Power Puff Girls come riding in on three identical My Little Ponies and shoot frickin' lasers out of their eyes at C3P0. I hate the fuckin scene! I mean come on! My Little Ponies!?! How lame!

  17. Volcano? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Funny

    Everyone knows about the volcano.

    I still have my original programs from Episode 4, Star Trek TMP, Close Encounters and Superman... I was on Isaac Asimov's security detail at Star Trek conventions in the 70's... I won a science fiction trivia contest at a con... I published a fanzine for several years... I financed that fanzine with proceeds from selling swords, "crystal balls" and other drek in the huckster room of many cons... My first date with my wife was to see The Empire Strikes Back...

    And still, I feel an uplifting soul-freeing relief, because I didn't know about the fucking volcano.

  18. Temporal Physics (Re:"Birth of the Empire"?) by damien_kane · · Score: 5, Funny

    Lucas has, in effect, created a temporal paradox.
    If he is somehow stopped from making this movie, then Anakin will never turn into Darth Vader, and the Empire will never be born.
    If there is no Empire and no Vader, then the original trilogy could have never existed, thereby negating two things:
    1. Lucas' immense wealth (as well the wealth of Hammil and the fame of Ford).
    2. The need for the prequels.

    If there is no need for the prequels, 2 things will happen due to that:
    1. There will have been no prequels, so /.ers will nothing to bitch about.
    2. No more Natalie Portman, so /.ers will have nothing to troll about.

    So... this movie has to be made, the alternative being something along the lines of `mv /dev/existence /dev/null`

    And all this time I thought that the Catholics would be the ones to negate the creation...

    On that note, who's up for goin to Hollywood with me to stop this movie from being made?
    I figure we've got 8 days...

  19. rather it's .. by Razor+Blades+are+Not · · Score: 5, Funny

    .. the same lame stormtropper getup their mother made out of styrofoam and a sharpie.

  20. Re:"Surfboards?" by VelocityBoy09 · · Score: 5, Funny
    Mark my words, George Lucas! Poo!

    By Jove, I believe I just found a sig.

  21. Stone, meet Glass House by spun · · Score: 5, Funny

    Not that I'm a grammar Nazi, but I do know a little bit about speech.
    ..
    Not to mention, your analysis is pretty week,

    'nuff said. :-P

    --
    - None can love freedom heartily, but good men; the rest love not freedom, but license. -- John Milton