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Stephen Hawking Looking for Assistant
An anonymous reader writes "Wanted: Bright graduate student to assist world-famous scientist. International travel, developing computer systems and dealing with the press required.
Renowned astrophysicist and best-selling author Stephen Hawking has announced he is looking for a graduate student to work for him for one to two years. Dust off those CVs, kids!"
(goodbye, karma! :)
I can't wait to see NBC's new reality show, The Assistant starring Stephen Hawking. Now, that would be good television.
I don't know anything about physics but dude, I will get you laid. And you're probably all like, "but I'm paralyzed." Dude, you don't even know. The bitches I know don't give a fuck. I'm tellin' you man they're crazy!
Hope to hear back from you!
hello dear sirs my name is jamesh i are india (bihar) can u guide me install red had linux 9?
"Wanted: Bright graduate student to assist world-famous scientist. International travel, developing computer systems and dealing with the press required.
*sniff*
Mommmeeee!
He should run a TV show to find his next apprentice...oh, whoops.
-- Sig meltdown immine...
the chances of getting the job are astronomically low. Besides, you're thesis will probably just get black-holed. Perhaps it's worth getting the position still, for all the star-power?
Sorry, couldn't resist. I understand if you have to mod me down.
My firefox tabs loads: Stephen Hawking Looking for Ass...
Here is the link to the job listing. http://www.admin.cam.ac.uk/offices/personnel/jobs/ vacancies.cgi?job=670
... those phone-sex recordings of him.
Kind of a long commitment, especially considering that Hawking has ALS and could croak at any time -- the fact that he has been living with a disease that kills 95% of its sufferers within 5 years of diagnosis for 45 years vastly increases the chance of him dying at any moment.
Cool links.
Graduate Student A: I can't. This matrix is too big
Stephen Hawking: Size matters not. Look at me. Judge me by my size, do you? Hmm? Hmm. And well you should not. For my ally is the Force, and a powerful ally it is. Life creates it, makes it grow. Its energy surrounds us and binds us. Luminous beings are we, not this crude matter. You must feel the Force around you; here, between you, me, the tree, the rock, everywhere, yes. Even between the land and the ship.
Stephen Hawking: Why wish you become physicist?
Graduate Student B: Well, mostly because of my father, I guess.
Stephen Hawking: Ahh, physicist. Powerful physicist was he. Powerful physicist.
Graduate Student B: How could you know my father? You don't even know who I am. Oh, I don't even know what I'm doing here! We're wasting our time!
Stephen Hawking: [Looking away from Graduate Student B] I cannot teach him. The boy has no patience.
Albert Einstein: He will learn patience.
Stephen Hawking: Much anger in him... like his father.
Albert Einstein: Was I any different when you taught me?
Full Tilt
Applicants must provide their own Star Wars voice changer for use when addressing Mr. Hawking.
The headline is a bit inaccurate.
If you read the advertisement, it seeks a "recent graduate", not a "graduate student". This is definitely a job, not a studentship. Do not expect to come out of it with a graduate degree. That aside, there are plenty of other reasons to see it as an appealing opportunity.
Not to be insensitive, but ALS patients don't usually live as long as Mr. Hawking...
Lawrence Person (lawrencepersonh@gmailh.com (remove all "h"s to mail)
http://www.lawrenceperson.com/
OTOH, one for one plus five's not such a bad deal...
no matter smart you are, everyone will immediately think of you as pinky in pinky and the brain, as compared to your boss, so please have a healthy ego
intellectual property law is philosophically incoherent. it is your moral duty to ignore it or sabotage it
...and was currently battling some sort of trouble on the moon.
I am very small, utmostly microscopic.
Alas I am too old and creaky and the wrong discipline, computer science, myself to qualify for job. But what a chance! To actually live, rather than read, those books and concepts that Hawkings ponders. What a way to expand one's imagination. Then the quotidian tasks for a person of this intellectual stature would seem light.
My sincere and most envious congratulations to whomever gets this position,
Jim
I hope it includes going on tour with MC Hawking!
And so far, in the 26 messages posted, I have detected damned little respect for the perservereance and intelligence of the man, who does after all, hold the Issac Newton Chair in Mathematics at Cambridge, no small feat by itself. To me that apparent lack of respect is most sad.
Here we have a man, who perhaps because of his disability, is giving his brain exersize that the rest of his body will never get, a man who has contributed much to our knowledge of the universe, and who may yet deduce the causitive reason for the accelleration we are seeing of distant objects before he passes.
As for his passing, I'd imagine that his health is monitored at least 10 times more diligently than any of us do for ourselves. That will see to it that the age related degenerative things are kept in check as best we know how to do. However, the real monitoring is more likely concentrated on the treatment of bedsores and that sort of thing, as well as maintaining his immune system as best we (the medical professions 'we') can. However, he has a resident rn to handle the bedpanish and bedsores sorts of things, so those duties would not normally fall to the assistant.
If I were 50 years younger, I'd kill for a chance at that job. Unforch, my experience level at 50 years ago wouldn't have allowed me to do what he needs done today. Without formal schooling, it does take a while to arrive at that point of having the knowledge needed.
--
Cheers, Gene
- what the heck is happening with /. these days?
- is this what i have to expect from Katie Couric's new demographic?
I would LOVE for that opportunity. Hawking is my idol, he's a no bullshit scientist, with ideas so huge people form their ideas of the universe around his theories and observations. He's an amazing person.
I will be literally devistated when he dies.
"Then the quotidian tasks"
;-) As far as "quotidian" tasks are concerned however, I'm sure it's just as unpleasant to change Professor Hawking's diapers as anyone else's.
That's exactly what I was thinking, except for your use of the word "quotidian" which I don't think I've ever seen used in conversation before. Encountering new words is fun, especially when encountered "in the wild" so to speak.
9/11 Eyewitnesses to Explosive WTC Demolition 1 of 2
What is a cv?
Damn what a cheap bitch
thanks.. no idea.
Actually, it shouldn't be too hard to identify the illness, even from an armchair, for exactly the reasons I outlined. The number of neurologically degenerative diseases that actually spontaneously go into remission is not exactly high. That alone should eliminate the vast majority of ALS-like diseases to something much more manageable. We also have video footage from different stages. Horison did a documentary on Professor Hawking prior to him losing his speech to the trachea operation. We certainly have video footage of him since. Again, that should allow you to exclude certain possibilities. Finally, although a lot of his body has no motor control worth speaking of, his hands most evidently do as that is how he controls the chair and the voice synthesizer, although he's not exactly a speed demon on typing with it. His face also does - he doesn't lack the ability to show emotions.
Oh, that made me think of something else. Those are the same muscles he pushed the hardest from shortly before being diagnosed until he became a total invalid. He would swing on trees extensively, according to his mother in one documentary. It's suspected his heavy physical exercise regimen may have contributed to the disease slowing down and stopping later on in his life, but I believe it to be highly significant that the muscles he pushed the most suffered the least. Again, that can't possibly be characteristic of too many conditions.
From these well-documented and well-established facts, it should be easy to go through those conditions which Professor Hawking might have and discard those that simply don't behave in the way observed. (Or, to pull a Sherlock Holmes, reject the impossible and whatever is left - however improbable - must be correct. This doesn't work in practice for most things, but in this one case, there will be few enough possibilities that eliminating the impossible should be very doable indeed.)
It's a small world and it smells funny; I'd buy another if it wasn't for the money; Take back what I paid (SoM)
must look really hot in lab coat
PHP is the solution of choice for relaying mysql errors to web users.
The guy studies supernovae and black holes, and probably has user accounts on every particle accelerator out there - you think he'd lower himself to just firing someone?
It's a small world and it smells funny; I'd buy another if it wasn't for the money; Take back what I paid (SoM)
He's famous, he's not stupid, he's got significant sums of money and power. He's lookin' for pussy.
CV is short for Curriculum Vitae, which is what a Resumé is called in Europe.
Reinvent the wheel only at either a lower cost, greater effectiveness, or your own personal enrichment and satisfaction.
Do we get dibs on the sweet wheelchair if he dies?
Hawking's ability to use his clicker to pick-up words on his computer has deteriorated and making a sentence is a really tough job for him: you have to guess what he wants to say and watch his eyes for confirmation... it must be a maddening thing to know all that knowledge and all those ideas bottled up inside that brain that can barely communicate a few words a minute...
With all our technology, you'd think that we could do a better job of helping people with such crippling diseases to allow them communicate more fluently.
It's sad that this great mind may never be able to give us all it can, even if some of his ideas end up being wrong, there is still enough material there to make great advances in science.
Just remember that if you get the job, the words "My daleks are supreme" are your cue to pull the plug.
Breakfast served all day!
I have a hard enough time wiping my own ass.
I was Hawking's assistant a few years ago. It's a great job, but one that I would not want to revisit. For a smart young dude it provides a great opportunity to travel and grow personally whilst dealing with some of the greatest and ost disparate minds and egos on the planet.
As for what I had to do for him, remember that there is a team of equally dedicated nurses to attend to personal needs.
Once you put someone - anyone - beyond all ability to be ridiculed, you put their life and opinions above the realm where people may discuss it as one of their own.
We human beings make fun of our own. We human beings kid around, tease, and poke at each other. Did you see the American show, "Last Comic Standing"? Josh Blue, a comic on there, had a solid case of cerebal palsy, as evidenced by his constant, jerky motion.
You know why he won?
The guy could laugh at himself. He could laugh at us laughing at him. He could laugh at stereotypes. He could laugh.
Maybe you could learn something about yourself from Josh.
Nothing in this thread so far - my earlier jest included - is so spiteful and cruel that even Steven himself couldn't get a chuckle from it.
Maybe the problem is that some people in this world take themselves and their conditions too damn seriously.
Strike that, I'm sure that's the problem.
student helper have to be chick....
...he does prefer them female and attractive. Why anyone would put a request about this here on Slashdot is a mystery to me.
Knowledge is power. Knowledge shared is power multiplied.
Pick me! Pick me!
It would be more like EX-TER-MIN-ATE. EX-TER-MIN-ATE the assistant.
... a boss that's smarter than me!
Obviously trying to avoid listing fees by releasing it as a "story".
Nah. He should post it on Monster.
He can get tens of thousands of cookie-cutter CVs that say "I studied Java, which is a lot like Cosmology. No one understands it either."
"I did some C#, which is a lot like Creationism."
Discuss.
I dunno...I heard Hawking give a real physics seminar (at Berkeley, circa 1988). I don't mean the popular gee-whiz First Five Minutes Of The Universe kind of thing. Now, I'm not a doofus when it comes to physics -- I took courses in quantum field theory and sat in on a GR class -- but I wasn't a cosmology graduate student. From that perspective, Hawking's talk stopped making much sense about 90 seconds after it started, except for brief lucid moments in the middle.
I mean, fair enough. He was talking to experts, and I was a competent amateur only. But what I'm saying here is: where he piddles around is so far out on the frontier of what's known in cosmology that unless you are qualified to piddle around there yourself it may well be a bit like a horse overhearing two math professors discussing calculus. Not actually all that enlightening.
(And if you are competent to piddle around with GR and cosmology, you've got more serious ambitions than being fetching Hawking's coffee and listening to his ruminations in the bath.)
So if you've got one, here's your cue: "How is C# like Creationism?"
But... does he run Linux??
It's from someone anonymous and it doesn't even say anything informative apart from some random Internet person saying they've worked for him. He also uses the word dude, uses several tied together "ands" and cannot spell "most". /.'ers duped again.
Must also cover Hawking's role in the Vice Presidential Action Rangers.
Don't you know who I am?
I am Hawking's bitch grad student assistant, BITCH!
I only look human.
My mother is a halfling and my dad is an ogre, so that makes me an Ogreling
"the man, who does after all, hold the Issac Newton Chair in Mathematics at Cambridge"
It's actually the Lucasian Chair of Mathematics http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lucasian_Professor. Sir Isaac Newton was a previous holder of the position.
No but, yeah but, no but...
From the job offer:
The Head of the Group is Professor Stephen Hawking who is disabled and communicates using a computer system and speech synthesiser. If you were accepted for the post you would be responsible for maintaining and improving this computer system as well as other pieces of support equipment.
#$recorded_msg_1 = Synth.Say("Good bye");
$recorded_msg_1 = Synth.Say("Asta la vista, baby!");
#$recorded_msg_2 = Synth.Say("Yes, please");
$recorded_msg_2 = Synth.Say("Go ahead punk, make my day!");
Oh... priceless!!!
Why not have a show where geeks can do geeky things to for Mr Hawkings and the punch line could by 'You flunked'
I would so mod you +100 Insightful if I had the mod points to use, brilliant post.
All right, I'll say it:
The guy has done something that even einstein couldn't do: He made serious physics breakthroughs accessible to and understandable for the little guys, those of us who DON'T get it and need someone to not talk down to us while we try.
he's almost unreal for most of us, a kind of science god. His illness is our only reminder that he's one of us at all. I applaud him for being able to laugh at it, while i am overwhelmed by his science-fu.
I'm not qualified for the job, but i envy the lucky s.o.b. who is.
And you know what? physical access to places depends on stairrs, or sometimes, wheelchair ramps- in science, it depends on the mental ability, and he climbs stairs three at a time there while i'm hanging on to the handrails and crawling up hanging onto other people's feet. i'm amazed by how much of the physics universe the guy as claimed as his own. The rest of us are wheeling slowly up the ramps he built to make science more understandable, and damned grateful to have them.
Ah wants me a science crutch!!!!
"I'd say 'Have a good time,' but arson is still illegal.
All I can say is ooops! Thanks for the correction, I had that one coming.
--
Cheers, Gene
LOL. Nice. In this world of varing opinions, I can always rely on a slashdotter to pull a star wars quote. Thanks for making my day.
Flexible bare-metal recovery for Linux/UNIX
He's just lazy. Lay-Z-Boy should sponser him and set him up with a pimped-out recliner.
Q: Why do the British drink warm beer?
A: Lucas refrigerators!
Do daemons dream of electric sleep()?
it's a bit strange the task would be writting down what mr hawkins has to say. While these days computer can monitor brain waves one can even pilot an aircraft without touching it. So... can when pilot in the same way a keyboard ???
It's strange that such a great scientist, with enough resources and people who know him hasn't tought of this.
which makes me wonder genious people it's just their environment, and beeing there at the right moment. If you was there shared some interest you could be the genious (i wouldn't like to be a genious I try to keep normal till some degree)
I know you're out there. I can feel you now. I know that you're afraid. You're afraid of us. You're afraid of change.
Are you channeling Bart Simpson or Bobby Hill?