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MS Seeks Patent On Virtual Fuzzy Dice
theodp writes "Microsoft just published a patent application for an adaptive heads-up user interface for automobiles. It covers, among other things, virtual fuzzy dice that appear to move with automobile movements."
Did they patent a virtual air freshener too? Because I really need one.
Hopefully this will fail the new obviousness criteria; note that it is still just an application. Basically, they are combining existing technologies in their obvious functionality: methods to change configuration information and display various information to vehicle operators.
I don't see any innovation here at all; they are combining elements and the result is the expected result for combining those elements.
"There are a dozen opinions on a matter until you know the truth. Then there is only one." - CS Lewis (paraprhase)
I have some fuzzy dangling things that they can try and patent.
Just what we need from a heads-up display: something which conveys no useful information and serves only to distract the driver from their main job of keeping the car on the road. This strikes me as a perfect example of the rule that, simply because you can do something, doesn't mean you should.
I can't wait till the virtual dancing hula girl arrives.... She could probably even dance to show you the direction to turn when plugged into your GPS.
Karma Whoring for Fun and Profit.
And what if Microsoft made cars? Soon we will see...
This is Slashdot. Common sense is futile. You will be modded down.
And all the microsoft-crashes-your-car jokes start in 3...2...1...
I'll throw in one: Does the blue screen block my view of the road for when the dice program crashes?
stuff |
First Clippy, now Dicey?
..is more necessary. Nothing sucks more than traffic jams on the Information Super Highway. No way to signify that better than being as absolutely obnoxious as possible
"Victory means exit strategy, and it's important for the President to explain to us what the exit strategy is." G.W.Bush
Does this patent cover anything that sways when hung from a virtual car and virtually sways?
I'm really concerned about the virtual nutsack I have hanging from my virtual trailer hitch on my virtual truck.
Vista Riceboy Edition
Now cars will become part of a massive spam sending botnet.
Microsoft is getting into the porn industry?
I think the invisible hand of the market has its middle finger extended
--A wise old fart named SC0RN
I once played an arcade racing game where you race trucks and one of them had purple dice that showed up on screen and bounced around in your view.
I don't preview or spellcheck.
At least at Apple, OS revs get way-layed by iPhones. But this...
"Win treats sysadmins better than users. Mac treats users better than sysadmins. Linux treats everyone like sysadmins."
I have had fuzzy dice that move with the car movements for as long as I can remember. And it's a mechanical device too, not your fancy digital dice. Now excuse me, I gotta go put holes in some punchcards.
I hadn't known there were so many idiots in the world until I started using the Internet -Stanislaw Lem
Just what the motoring public needs, another source of distraction. I can see it now. People will hack the fuzzy dice to do all sorts of amusing things, notice them while driving, and crash (physically, not in the software sense).
On the plus side, I would imagine this "feature" will get the device banned under California's no "entertainment" video displays in sight of the driver whilst the car is in motion.
Two wrongs don't make a right, but three lefts do.
Okay, if done nicely, I wouldn't mind a heads-up display (HUD). But does the general driving population need more driving distractions? Also, would other drivers be able to see it (say from behind)? Other vehicle's TVs and crap dangling from the rearview mirror always bugs me.
If at first you don't succeed, call it version 1.0.
SHOOK, HARDY & BACON L.L.P
Granted, that's not exactly Dewey, Cheatum, and How, but would you be able to tell your friends, with a straight face, that you had enlisted the services of the law firm Shook, Hardy, & Bacon? If you answer yes, well, then I offer you a laurel, and hardy handshake, and I hope they don't shake your bacon too much.
Oh, yeah, it's not easy to pad these out to 120 characters.
I cant wait to get one so I can have...
My own....
Virtual......
Jesus
A huge finger on the other hand...
Deleted
... as long as I got my digital Jesus, riding on the dashboard of my car.
..."Where do you want to go today" is about to make sense
Hey, where is my virtual fluffy dashboard and virtual coffee can conversion?
Excuse me, but please get off my Pennisetum Clandestinum, eh!
There are already heads up displays in some cars. Just another "Me Too" Microsoft Innovation that they probably bought from some startup.
I'm not putting out some flame bait, I'd think Linux powered fuzzy dice were lame too.
How about we develop better combustion technology, and better renewable resource technology, not more electronic crap to further distract the driver.
The virtual fuzzy dice idea is about as good as replacing the airbag on the steering wheel with a flat screen TV.
Shameless plug alert: Game server control panel
Hopefully this will include a targeting system with cross hairs and frickin' virtual lasers I can use to blow up the car in front of me with virtual fireballs.
Question... Is virtual gravity patented yet? If not, I'm going to do it...
A patent on Virtual Flying Chairs?!
The problem with socialism is that they always run out of other people's money. - Margaret Thatcher
...digital trailer hitch dangling testicles?
that this covers anything anyone else makes that does anything, see it's adaptive.
Back in my day, we had REAL fuzzy dice, not these fancy fake moving pictures you kids have these days.
10 FILL MUG WITH COFFEE
20 DRINK COFFEE
30 GOTO 10
While the patent obviously covers fuzzy dice, it also covers dangling CDs, native american dream catchers, and other things that are hung by a string. It does not cover things like Hawaiian leis, or for all you single guys out there, wedding garters.
When our name is on the back of your car, we're behind you all the way!
Unfortunately, consumerism isn't driven by the "ability does not dictate necessity" mentality. Just take a look at the cars on the road to see this in action. How many SUV's do you see? There would be no Escalades if people didn't want lots of "chrome". We're all guilty of feeding this cycle, as I see it.
If I mod you up, it doesn't necessarily mean I agree with what you've said, sorry.
Microsoft love their eye candy don't they. Will the pretty fluffy dice be a cover up for a rather sluggish and bloated underlying system? I wonder what kind of OS they will be using for the heads up display, and if you don't connect to the activation server after 30 days will it put your car into enhanced reduced functionality mode?
I hope they offer an icosahedral version.
"You don't need a weatherman to know which way the wind blows." - Bob Dylan
I whistled for a computer and when it came near the license plate said fresh and had a dice in the mirror If anything I could say that this program was rare But I thought now forget it, yo home to bel-air
I want a heads up in the back, facing outward, so I can put 'get off my (picture of someone mooning)' for tailgaters... I can't wait till people start playing GTA on this thing and get a little confused... Or playing halo, hop in a warthog and do some real 'war driving'... here's to hoping they never had more capability in graphics than needed, to keep creative hardware hackers from being a road menace.
An I.T. motto in the hands of an idiot is a dangerous thing...
since I've been at Microsoft.
The old Sega arcade game Rad Mobile featured a real-time dangling Sonic which swung with the movements of the car: http://www.planet-xbox.de/img/articles/2635/Sonic- Mega-Collection-Plus-2.jpg
Sadly, great technological advances such as this always seem to require useless, utterly stupid gimmicks like that in order to achieve wide adoption.
Terrorists can attack freedom, but only Congress can destroy it.
This is Microsoft's attempt to block access from other manufacturers who want to make computers that go in your car. They are slowly going in this direction with things like BMW's iDrive.
Patents on the basic application of this technology in a car will keep out any upstarts who are faster and smarter than Microsoft. It might not be valid, but any challenger (Apple, probably) will have to spend some time and cash in order to compete.
Kind of like spreading tacks on the road...
"And large fuzzy dice hang like testicles from rearview mirrors"
~Vexed and loving it!
In the UK, strictly speaking it's illegal to have things hanging around in your car which might obstruct your view of the road -- maybe even a large pair of virtual fuzzy dice on a HUD could fall into this category...
This innovation could give a whole new meaning to 'Blue Screen of Death'.
Nice one Microsoft!
Road Kill. Displays random large animals on display to try to get driver to swerve.
MS Bashing aside, I've often envisaged the uses of a HUD in a car. Some ideas:
.... I mean vehicle speed indicator - no longer have to waste time glancing down at the speedometer.
:-)
* Overhead schematic display, showing your car in the center and the cars immediately surround you. Helps with the "blind spot".
* Proximity warning - if distance between (say) the side of your car and another object passes a certain threshold. Useful if you're about to merge on top of someone.
* Integrated GPS guidance (e.g. prompt you to turn right ahead)
* Airspeed
* Integrated warnings of traffic conditions. If systems are set up to indicate that there are delays, you can get info on them right in front of your eyes.
* Improved night sight. When driving at night, the HUD can highlight road contours and lane markings. Also possibly straight-up night vision.
* Bingo fuel...I mean low fuel warnings as well as prompts where nearest gas station is. (Ok, ok, so I played too many flight sims as a kid)
* Road surface warnings - if there's a large pothole or dead animal or crate, they get highlighted in red so you know in advance when they're coming up.
* Road condition warnings - for people too dumb to realize that driving 80 on a wet highway is *bad* idea.
* Motorcycle warnings - the biggest cause of Motorcycle accidents is car drivers not seeing the motorcyclist - they kind of become invisible. When one approaches or is near, the fact is communicated visually (again warnings), so that the driver is more careful.
* Integration with emergency vehicle alarms - if there's a paramedic, first responder, or ambulance coming up, there's a warning so you get off the road. No, this is not a radar against cops - it would warn only if the cop was actually flashing lights.
I'm sure there are others - this is just the list I've kept so far.
It would be an awesome technology to have. Just as long as it doesn't black out on the highway. "BSOD" takes on a whole new meaning in this context
...display virtual loose bits of paper, assorted junk and fast food wrappers that slide back and forth on my dashboard as I go around corners?
Have gnu, will travel.
I have prior art on this from early in 2003.
In a VR class in college I made a game where you could drive my '64 Imperial around a parking lot doing donuts and hit rubber cones. It was complete with images of MY pink fuzzy dice hanging from MY rearview mirror, above MY dashboard. The graphics weren't up to today's standards, of course, but it is still the most awesome software I've ever written.
You are attempting to brake at a stop sign. Cancel or Allow?
... the /. title is misleading as it tries to paint pictures of much harsher situations than are actually there, and everyone reads the headlines and feels the need to respond to only that.
The only place the term "fuzzy dice" is used in the application is as an example of what might occur. Saying things move with the motion of the vehicle is in no way stupid as 99% of car GPS systems do exactly this and is related only by example to how fuzzy dice move in a car. It mentions nothing about them actually patenting virtual fuzzy dice in specific.
The only thing REALLY being patented is MS's own system for doing this... likely an OS for Automobile manufacturers to buy into to get their blue screens to go.
When it notices that you've just had an accident (as indicated by a triggered airbag), the speedometer is replaced by a huge 'hazard light' switch..
If this occurs just as you're reaching for where the hazard light was, then it'll switch the hazard light back to it's usual position -- just as you're reaching for it in the normal speedometer position. ... ad-infinitum, until the ambulance crew shows up and admits you to the psych ward.
Sometimes boldness is in fashion. Sometimes only the brave will be bold.
Thanks! I'll patent your idea and make millions out of it! Cool idea!
I know I saw it in Crazy Taxi (on the Dreamcast)...
Ug... This patent crap has gotten out of hand.
We should just scrap the whole pile of fuzzy dice & start over with a shorter available protection period & an easier means of shooting down invalid patent apps to begin with.
Oh! And this one time, at band camp...
There is an obvious social utility. By swapping the dangling dice for a 'toddler_on_the_road' image, you could cause a driver to swerve into an oncoming mega truck. These lawyer-free relationship terminations could be called microsoft divorces. Of course you wouldn't be able to get the software direct. It would have to be a Mafia Supplied (MS) killer app.
The toddler image would be best converted into a cubist image after say 3 secs so that forensic work would have difficulty distinguishing jiggling dice from dicing with death.
Sorry. Jiggling dice does mean dicing with death. Shouldn't we allow idiots to embrace Darwin and all his works.
Speaking about dicing with death...
Can one suggest a candidate for a Darwin Award, even though he didn't die?
http://youtube.com/watch?v=7azOmoZz1n8
No similarity to Dashboard, I reckon. *rolleyes* I can't believe these weirdos.
I claim prior art - all of MSFT's profits are belong to me.
-- Tigger warning: This post may contain tiggers! --
Article title should read, 'MS seeks patent on bad taste'. BTW, whats Microsoft doing getting into the motor trade? Is this Bill's idea for pimping his 959?
Brings to mind a fake advertisement clip from Streets of SimCity:
"Fuzzy dice accessories: Chew toys for your car."
tasks(723) drafts(105) languages(484) examples(29106)
For those masters of innovation at Microsoft!
Fuzzy dice - a Bill Gates invention!
60 million sold in the first six months!
Fuzzy Dice Service Pack 1 will soon be released!
Meanwhile, Secunia released a study today that says Fuzzy Dice can be "pwned" in seconds...
Richard Steven Hack - This sig is TOO GODDAMN SHORT TO DO ANYTHING USEFUL WITH! MORONS!
Blue Screen of Death just got a literal meaning.
Usage: km/h for speed (kilometers per hour); kph for very slow impulses (kilopond hours).
While driving, I need the following information:
- A good view of surrounding traffic, assisted with mirrors where necessary.
- Indication of conditions that require my attention in the near future (e.g. directional indicator is on, high beams on, handbrake engaged, fuel is low, oil pressure has suddenly dropped...), i.e. the usual warning lights, plus fuel and temp gauges.
- Knowledge of my current speed, i.e. speedometer, to stay within posted limits.
That's all. A tachometer is nice to have to optimize performance and economy, but not a necessity.What I watch while driving, in order of frequency:
- The road in front.
- The mirrors.
- Speedometer + tach every now and then.
- The rest of the instrument cluster every now and then, to check fuel level. Any warning lights will be noticed at this time, or while checking the speed.
My car is old enough (1999 Ford Focus station wagon) that heating and A/C can be adjusted by touch (rotary knobs). Also, the radio has controls in the steering column, so it can be controlled without looking. I don't use a mobile phone or change CDs while driving.If there's information being distributed about something blocking the road... well, that's why I have the RDS radio.
For me, any additional information in the field of view would only be clutter, especially if it's moving or changing shape. In my view, it's a benefit of the traditional instrument cluster, as well as a traditional HUD, that every display component has a fixed location which can be memorized. This memorization can go so far that one does not need to focus to the instrument cluster; when I see a blue light in the dashboard, I know it means my high beams are on.
Analog gauges don't require exact focus for an approximate reading, and the most frequent indicator lights are pretty soon memorized. I can see a benefit in a HUD that displays the speedometer + active warning lights information while driving, but not in one that has moving or shifting elements (which only take the driver's attention off the road), or one that would be used while parked (a conventional display would work better, as it doesn't depend on lighting conditions outside).
Usage: km/h for speed (kilometers per hour); kph for very slow impulses (kilopond hours).
You can get an honorable mention for doing stupid stuff that could have killed you but doesn't.