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How Do I Make My Netbook More Manly?
basementman writes "I recently purchased a 10 inch white MSI wind. As you can see it's a small computer and it's good for what I use it for. I get a lot of comments from women saying it is 'cute' or 'adorable.' Not the good kind of cute that will get me the attention I want though, the kind of cute that says they think I have a different presence than I actually want to portray. So how can I make my netbook more manly, or at least have some witty line to respond to the their comments?" Hopefully basementman didn't get a netbook with the hopes of it getting him some action, but what cool mods (or witty one-liners) have others used to salvage their dignity from hardware that is "a good size"?
Heavy metal stickers. Lots of them!
Add a dongle?
Just throw on a Type-R sticker...seems to work for Honda.
Scooty Puff, Sr: The Doom-Bringer
http://pnwriders.com/image.php?u=1155&dateline=1231816052
"I don't know, therefore Aliens" Wafflebox1
Run Linux on it, not windows.
Maybe they are saying it because they look at YOU and think you are gay. Then, in hopes of making a new shopping companion, their eyes wander frantically for something to strike up a conversation about and they see your manly netbook, and they call it cute out of courtesy. Maybe...
And some neon light trim for the edges.
Hydrolics, press a button and the laptop starts trying to hump the your desk.
Replace the fan with a smaller diameter one with higher RPM, get the jet engine noise when it kicks in.
Bling, use a solid gold chain to keep it closed.
Don't shave, wear a mussed up t-shirt. And add scorch marks to the plastic exterior.
Why on earth would you want to make your netbook more manly? You've already lured them in - so pounce! Buy them a skinny mocha chino latte, gaze into their eyes and suggest 10 inches is enough for most people.
* Cover it with metal spikes and skulls.
* Tie it to the front grill of a Hummer.
* Convert it into an ammo clip for an Uzi.
* Build a beer helmet around it and wear it on your head
* Program it to make fart noises every time your finger is pulled. With a name like "wind", you could even pretend it came that way from the factory.
* Put an Oakland Raiders logo on it.
* Tie it to the back of a pit bull with a chain collar.
* Put it down your pants for some "natural male enhancement".
* Tie it to your stomach (under your shirt), and tell woman to punch it so they can feel how hard your "abs" are.
* Keep it open and playing a heavy metal video nonstop at full volume. Make sure there are plenty of half naked women being objectified in it.
* Tell the girls you have a small notebook because you have no reason to compensate for anything else.
Really, the possibilities are endless.
...that a person with a small laptop has no need for compensation.
http://michaelsmith.id.au
Screw the speed strips, what he needs is some speed holes. It will make the computer faster too.
Monstar L
From the Badass Manly Anime Reviewer:
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Your list of netbook features reminds me of the machine Paul Atreides used for combat training.
Even if your netbook is lacking in manly stature, mentioning the above reference will tell her what kind of guy you really are.
I told my girlfriend next year she wasn't invited and I was just going to bring the dog.
So how long was it before you regained consciousness?
Here are some stickers to apply:
Flipper
Bambi
Willy (Free Willy)
An Aboriginal
Creech
Gollum
Creature from the Black Lagoon
Tell the women these were your animal forms in past life times. Tell her you're a sexual expert in all fathoms, climes, caves, and skies. Now that you are human, you're entitled to make all sorts of squirmy noises in bed but that she should not be unduly alarmed. If she's not impressed, add more animal signs...
Previously: "Linux... Toward the Sunrise..." Now: "Linux... Toward the-- No, now, part of Every Sunrise"
Dear lord, yes I said it 100% seriously. Because in all my relationships a good sense of humor sucks. If I could date a vulcan I would.
I'm a man, and I'm seriously considering getting a pink laptop. I mean, I already have a pink DS, and from what I hear, pink things are stolen much less frequently due to this bizarre stigma most men seem to have against it. Besides, a pink laptop would totally compliment my new lip stiCHAINSAW and nail polMOTORCYCLE.
/*No comment*/ #No comment
Liking Unicorns doesn't make me gay, does it?
Ask the members of S.M.U.T.L.U.V. (Strong Men Unafraid To Love Unicorns Visibly).
Oh, say does that Star-Spangled Banner entwine / The myrtle of Venus with Bacchus's vine?
No no no, you want to take that small fluffy animal, and nail it to your Netbook. Job done. /brushes off manly hands.
"Yes, it is very, very cute isn't it. Wanna fuck?"
Years ago, I was waiting in the rain at the staff parking lot for the college newspapers to arrive so I could earn my work-study $4.25/hour delivering them around campus. The college president came out, made some snide remark about our dedication, then got in his red corvette. Our editor, a tall Texan woman, muttered "nice car", and as he drove off, yelled "Sorry about your penis!"
Shiny cars were last generation's penis-compensation trip. This generation, they're laptops. Let's face it: we carry them around with us everywhere, we always insist on using our own, we're proud of its power or versatility, and we carry it with us into the bathroom. It's a penis.
Most women with braincells are going to recognize that, and infer every other corollary. Guys with big laptops with more power than they ever use are likely compensating for something else. If a guy can come up with something "cute", maybe he knows he can deliver.
Of course, big, powerful and macho will impress the boys down at the server farm. Come to think of it, the big marketing whole right now is the lack of laptop commercials along the lines of pickup trucks: big burly men, toiling on the server farm. Country music blasts as foreman-looking nerd with glistening muscles and big hands drops a big-ass render project onto his Dell XPS, drops the sucks -- still running -- into his shoulder bag, and walks out the door into the sweet light of sunset.
* Put a 10-inch dongle on it
Table-ized A.I.
I think tiny netbooks are the equivalent of a tiny piano (+pianist) for the uninitiated: They look stupid.
Hey! Leave my tiny pianist out of this!
which is totally what she said
Nothing can make your laptop look cool and tough and tough and cool like some Duct Tape. Yea my laptop is small but I am so tough that I need to put duct tape on it to keep it together. A cat may be cute, But an ally cat with its fur riped off and its ear chewed up isn't
If something is so important that you feel the need to post it on the internet... It probably isn't that important.
You had a point right until you mentioned a girlfriend. NOBODY ON SLASHDOT HAS A GIRLFRIEND.
... :)
What's next, are you gonna tell us your girlfriend is also a Linux geek who can set up an encrypted Debian-based RAID cluster while having sex with you in her very own basement? Riiiight.
Disclaimer: I kid, I kid...
If you think 10 inches is cute, wait till you meet Mr. Happy Pants hon-eeeey, OOOOOHHH!!!
**Takes a drag from cigerette**
Authority questions you. Return the favor.
Sure, but the best relationships are secure enough that if one partner hints they sometimes think about other people, the other partner says, "Well, let's have her over for drinks".
Or so I've heard.
Or fantasized.
Actually, I read about it in Penthouse Forum.
(offstage shouting)
Yes honey, I forgot, I'm so sorry, I'll go pick up tampons at the store for you -- I'm leaving right now. (That's how relationships actually work, in my experience).
"Trolls they were, but filled with the evil will of their master: a fell race..." -- J.R.R. Tolkien on Olog-hai
Oh, and if you really need a line, next time someone says its cute, respond with, "Yeah, it's a 10-incher, just like my cock." Problem solved!
Wow! You've got a 10 inch rooster to match your laptop? Cool!
I'd love to see the number of double-takes if you had, say, a biker look, but were carrying around a pink netbook with Hello Kitty stickers. :)
Best "String" Ever!
Oh, and if you really need a line, next time someone says its cute, respond with, "Yeah, it's a 10-incher, just like my cock." Problem solved!
This baby can go for 6 hours without a recharge... just like me!
The enemies of Democracy are
If your that insecure
Parser error, line 1, near "that"
Bow-ties are cool.
Excuse me, you just described my new fantasy.
You dont, by any chance, have Asperger?
Why, yes. I've been keeping him on my mantle.
Please stop stalking me, bro.
A friend of mine is an electrician. He was tired of his yellow or orange extension cables going missing from job sites. What did he do? Started buying purple and pink ones.
Okay, I have to ask: where exactly does your "friend" manage to find a pink extension cable? Homo Depot? Castro Supply Hardware?
*** *** You're just jealous 'cause the voices talk to me... ***
I just got done trying that and I got escorted out! Maybe you should have mentioned that the kitten should be alive.
"Never let your sense of morals prevent you from doing what is right" - Salvor Hardin
This has been my answer for years, any time someone tries to ridicule my subcompact car:
"You know how some guys get big SUVs or sports cars to compensate for their sexual inadequacy? I'm doing the same thing, just the other way 'round."
http://alternatives.rzero.com/
You just need a new purse to put it in that will let people know what kind of man you are.
Quick, someone register basementlinuxbabes.com!
We'll be bigger than Bangbus!
Random Thoughts From A Diseased Mind (Not For Dummies)
Sounds like he did.
Your ad here. Ask me how!
..with the OP.
2 years ago I was on a flight watching a movie on my Samsung Q1-ultra. The flight attendant leaned over, look at the UMPC (which was in the general direction of my lap) and said "Wow, that's cute, I've never seen one so small".....
It was a joke. None of it was true. My wife never asks me to pick up tampons.
When I was single, I used to buy tampons at the store all the time, it's a great way to start conversations with women -- they are instantly disarmed by the idea that you are not single.
Then I'd swoop in with the "I'm a high-altitude climber and tampons are the best way to stop a nosebleed at 14,000 feet" and presto! I had a date for the night and was getting laid.
OK, I admit, I never did that, but a friend of mine did.
And even if it got a laugh, it never got him laid.
And actually no one I know has ever tried it, but it was suggested in a book "How to Pick Up Women Even If You are a Scrawny Pimple-faced Teenager" advertised in the back of a comic book.
"Trolls they were, but filled with the evil will of their master: a fell race..." -- J.R.R. Tolkien on Olog-hai
I'm embarrassed my your post.
A Good Troll is better than a Bad Human.
.. only on Slashdot would the comment, "Vulcans are hot!" get modded insightful.
It's turtles all the way down!
I tried that and it didn't work so I just left the kitten in a snow drift.
I was flipping bits on an abacus, newb.
I look like the poster child for heavy metal and testosterone injections. In order to help soften up my image with women I put cute little dino and bug stickers on my netbook. Got them at a crafts store for $2 a book while I was picking up knitting supplies. I look manly, my netbook doesn't need to.
I am often told by women that their first impression of me is that I am tall dark and intimidating. Anything can do to give them an excuse to think otherwise is fine by me.
Ascii artist &
like this one?
"It's such a fine line between stupid and clever" -- David St. Hubbins, Spinal Tap
So you walked in and yelled "Who is the owner of a young wet pussy"?
Hello Kitty.
Nice! My buddy has the perfect bike to go with that http://www.flickr.com/photos/blackdood/2883756612/in/set-72157607459314461/