Pee On Your Phone STD Test

Shakrai writes "British health officials are hard at work on a new app that will allow users to pee into their cell phones and find out within minutes if they have an STD. From the article: 'Doctors and technology experts are developing small devices, similar to pregnancy testing kits, that will tell someone quickly and privately if they have caught an infection through sexual contact. People who suspect they have been infected will be able to put urine or saliva on to a computer chip about the size of a USB chip, plug it into their phone or computer and receive a diagnosis within minutes, telling them which, if any, sexually transmitted infection (STI) they have. Seven funders, including the Medical Research Council, have put £4m into developing the technology via a forum called the UK Clinical Research Collaboration.'"

Comments

really?

[adeelarshad82]

not sure i'm going to want to hold that phone again

Re:really?

[morgan_greywolf]

At least read the summary:

People who suspect they have been infected will be able to put urine or saliva on to a computer chip about the size of a USB chip, plug it into their phone or computer and receive a diagnosis within minutes, telling them which, if any, sexually transmitted infection (STI) they have.

Bad headline. You aren't peeing on the phone, you're peeing on a slide that contains a chip that you plug into the phone.

Re:really?

[Shakrai]

Bad headline

Blame the editors, I used a different headline when I submitted the article.

Re:really?

[Anonymous Coward]

Again with the misleading headlines. Good to see Slashdot joining the bad journalism camp, the summary says place a drop of urine on a chip that gets plugged into you phone, somehow that translates to "Pee on your Phone".

Re:really?

[HappyClown]

Blame the editors, I used a different headline when I submitted the article.

Let's not start a pissing match

Re:really?

[Eraesr]

I'm not really sure what the application of this is. Why not simply make a stand-alone STD test that doesn't require a phone. I mean, it has worked for pregnancy tests for years. I'm pretty sure you don't need a 1GHz Snapdragon CPU to determine if you've got hepatitis or not.

Re:really?

[Anonymous Coward]

You mean you have no idea at all and you're making an uneducated guess?

Re:really?

[camperdave]

I'm not really sure what the application of this is.

So your results can be transmitted to medical authorities.

Re:really?

[adeelarshad82]

there should be tags for sarcasm

Re:really?

[ArhcAngel]

Would you have even looked at the article if the headline had been different? The headline is perfect and my entire office just laughed their asses of at cooking their testicles and then peeing on their phone.

Re:really?

[yakumo.unr]

why create an expensive device with more components when you can keep your production costs really low, and your potential user-base really high (due to the much lower selling cost) if you can just use the powerful hardware in other prevalent devices instead?

This way they only need to produce a sensor chip addon, and software to read it that uses the processing power in the phone.

Re:really?

[TheBilgeRat]

Oh, come on now-you don't really think there won't be SOMEONE in a drunken stupor who gets the order backwards after banging that ugly bar chick?

"What? Pee on slide THEN plug into phone?! CRAAAAAAP!"

Re:really?

[suomynonAyletamitlU]

I guess they thought it would make a bigger splash.

Re:really?

[ShanghaiBill]

I'm not really sure what the application of this is.

The summary lists "test yourself" as the main application, but I think the real application will be "test the other person". If it becomes socially acceptable to ask for a saliva sample before having sex, this could put a real dent in STD rates.

Why not simply make a stand-alone STD test that doesn't require a phone.

Because it would cost more.

I mean, it has worked for pregnancy tests for years.

Pregnancy related hormones are far, far more concentrated in the urine than antibodies to STDs.

I'm pretty sure you don't need a 1GHz Snapdragon CPU ...

You don't need 1GHz, but you do need a CPU. Since everyone already has a cellphone, you don't need another CPU to do the analysis or another device to display the result.

Re:really?

[Nadaka]

No... It will just be posted to facebook, sms to all your contacts and emailed to your girlfriend.

Re:really?

[SnarfQuest]

Do you mind if I borrow your cell phone for a minute? I just want to pee on it a little bit... What STD test, I just want to pee on it?

Re:really?

[Hotawa Hawk-eye]

The same reason diabetes testing equipment consists of a set of disposable strips that collect the blood and a reusable hand-held device that analyzes the results. Can you imagine what those testing strips would cost if they had to include not just the channels for collecting the blood but also all the electronics to analyze and display the results?

Re:really?

[adeelarshad82]

oh i don't get any signals down here......

Re:really?

[Anonymous Coward]

Perhaps the device simply needs power?

Re:really?

[Belial6]

I presumed that the analysis wouldn't actually be done on the phone. That the raw data would be transmitted to a lab, and the results displayed on the phone. That would be the easiest way to make porting to various platforms easier.

Re:really?

[Stregano]

With the new technology out, you can pee on a thumb drive looking thing during your match and you can also know whether you have an STD or not. I guess if you are in a pissing match, it would probably be nice to know if you had a std beforehand

Re:really?

[skids]

Though some of the biological analysis software like this has been made to run on the phone itself, mostly that would be for use in dead-zone undeveloped countries. Likely the real reason here is that the phone can connect and send data to a more powerful system on the Internet for processing, except in cases where the chip itself can produce the result.

But right you are, it's to reuse existing hardware -- in this case, the USB OTG port or SDRAM slot, and the already-configured data link. And more power to them for doing it the sensible way. I hope we see a lot more apps like this beyond STDs. It provides better user convenience and may put some financial pressure on the medical testing industry (whether that's needed, well, I'm guessing yes considering how reluctant my doctors are to order tests, citing cost/insurance issues.)

It'll be interesting to see the legal fine print on these devices as to the test's false positive/negative rate.

Re:really?

[brianosaurus]

...unless you buy the full version of the app :)

Re:really?

[slick7]

With the new technology out, you can pee on a thumb drive looking thing during your match and you can also know whether you have an STD or not. I guess if you are in a pissing match, it would probably be nice to know if you had a std beforehand

If I stick it up my ass, will it tell me if I have hemorrhoids or if I need a colonoscopy?

Re:really?

[cayenne8]

"I think the real application will be "test the other person". If it becomes socially acceptable to ask for a saliva sample before having sex, this could put a real dent in STD rates."

Yeah, like that won't kill the moment.

[rolls eyes]

Hell, in the heat of the moment, it is hard enough to stop and think about putting on a freakin' condom, must less getting someone to stop, and pee on a small target.

I mean, ok, some people might be doing a golden showers thing, but that's still pretty edge of the norm, eh?

Re:really?

[Anonymous Coward]

Dude. Everybody has a cellphone. Not _everybody_ has a smartphone.

In fact, I would say more people have a regular desktop/laptop than a smartphone.

Again, why exactly does this require a smartphone?

And.. again, why exactly does this require a CPU? You do know there's this thing called ELISA technology which is used exactly for the detection of (possibly scarce) proteins, right? Oh, wait. Let me guess... you know nothing about quantifying proteins in bodily fluids.

Re:really?

[supertrinko]

This whole "There's an app for that" craze is getting out of hand.

Re:really?

[mysidia]

So your results can be transmitted to medical authorities.

Probably predominantly the new [future] major medical authority.... the Federal Government

This could become like a 1099 for your Health. They just need to add the ability to poke yourself with a needle and plug that device into the phone, and DNA/fingerprint scanners for verification.

From that, your monthly penalties will be calculated.

In the future, I see random drug tests/screening of arbitrary citizens... "You get a text message, please submit a urine sample in the next 60 minutes, or you will be added to no-fly list, flagged for arrest, and billed a $50/hour fine, until you comply. This message brought to you by the DHHS, Department of Homeland Health and Security"

Re:really?

[argmanah]

"I think the real application will be "test the other person". If it becomes socially acceptable to ask for a saliva sample before having sex, this could put a real dent in STD rates."

Yeah, like that won't kill the moment.

[rolls eyes]

Hell, in the heat of the moment, it is hard enough to stop and think about putting on a freakin' condom, must less getting someone to stop, and pee on a small target.

I mean, ok, some people might be doing a golden showers thing, but that's still pretty edge of the norm, eh?

Ahem, if it's hard enough, neither putting on a condom nor peeing on a chip should get in the way.

But seriously, if there's enough reluctance on either side such that pausing to put on a condom is "difficult", perhaps the proper question is to consider whether the "let's hurry up and put this thing in there before she changes her mind" strategy is really a good idea. In a situation where both sides actually want to have sex for more than "the moment", you can take the time to get back into the mood after taking responsible precautions.

Re:really?

[sqldr]

this is a good idea right up until the point where you get an STD by borrowing your friend's phone.

Re:really?

[cayenne8]

I dunno...maybe you plan things more than what I would guess most people do.

I've found that most of the time, at least with someone new you pick up...the mouths are occupied, clothing is flying off and you're going for the hole, and condoms really are a 2nd thought, if in fact you have one within reach.

You're not always in a bedroom when this hits, you know?

:)

That being said, I try to always carry some with me on my person...is easier in the winter when you often have a jacket on, but when in the heat of the moment, quite often asking if "you're on the pill" is sufficient to keep the process going.

And when you get older...it is easier to "lose interest" while having to hunt for and put one of the damned things on.

Kinda like eating steak with one on your tongue. Sure, you know there's a pleasurable thing going on there...but you just get no sensation whatsoever.

Re:really?

[hldn]

where's -1 Irresponsible Idiot when you need it.

Re:really?

[argmanah]

When I was single, and on some occasions ended up someone new at her place or mine, yes, I did always have a condom on me, in my wallet so I always knew where it was. I also always had a morning after pill in my car, in case something unexpected happened or the condom failed and she was not on birth control. Precautions like these took little to no effort. There really is no excuse in a civilized society.

I'm convinced that the fact that this level of preparation is somehow unusual as opposed to the standard is due to the prevalence of abstinence only sex education in the U.S.

Re:really?

[cayenne8]

A lot of it comes with age too.

I'm a lot older....and back 'in the day'...there was no such thing as AIDS. I grew up during the time when the worst thing possible was pregnancy, and if you caught anything, a simple shot pretty much cleared it up. When I grew up, there was such thing as Fuck == Die

I just don't think of that really as something to worry about, even though I know I should. Like I say, I try to always carry them now...but I can't say that if our pants are down and its a go, and there was no helmet for that soldier, that things would stop and not proceed on to coitus.

Re:really?

[BluBrick]

Ahem, if it's hard enough, neither putting on a condom nor peeing on a chip should get in the way.

You could not possibly make that statement if you'd ever had an erection and a full bladder at the same time. If it's hard enough, peeing on a chip is going to pose a significant problem - or at least provide a moment of hilarity!

The rest of your post is spot on, though.

Re:really?

[BluBrick]

where's -1 Irresponsible Idiot when you need it.

It really should be -2 Irresponsible Couple. Half the blame must be borne by the other idiot involved.

Re:really?

[BluBrick]

Kinda like eating steak with one on your tongue. Sure, you know there's a pleasurable thing going on there...but you just get no sensation whatsoever.

If you paid for your last steak with about 20% of your gross income for the ensuing 18 years, you might think differently.

Re:really?

[commodore64_love]

I have an alternate application:

"You're hot."
"Thanks you too.. wanna go back to my room?"
"Sure! But before we do the wild thang, would you mind peeing on my phone? I want to make sure you don't got AIDS."
(slap)
"I'll take that as a 'yes' then...... next!"

Re:really?

[Anonymous Coward]

Unlike diabetes (which requires you to measure your blood sugar levels repeatedly), I think it's pretty safe to assume you don't need to carry around a "STD-measurer" device everywhere you go.

A simple appliance-agnostic device (like a USB device) makes more sense than making a iPhone-specific hardware dongle with an iPhone-specific app. Well, now that I think of it, it may actually be a smart move: I mean, who else is more eager to spend money on pointless gadgets than iPhone users? ;)

Re:really?

[argmanah]

There is still no excuse. Making sure you have one should be part of your routine when preparing for a date with a new potential partner, much like getting a haircut, or picking out what you're going to wear, etc. Between that and always having a backup in your wallet, there is really no reason for the situation you describe to ever come up.

There are two reasons why in the real world it does come up. The first is education. Abstinence only education is a terrible relic and should have been abolished wholesale ever since the invention of condoms. People getting pregnant didn't start with the AIDS era, and so we should've been ahead of the problem but weren't. The second, pure and simple, is laziness. If one were to cause an unplanned pregnancy or get an STD due to laziness, I have very little sympathy for your situation.

If you consciously know this is something that one should worry about, then any lack of preparation is simply laziness that has been rationalized as "well we were in the moment" or "well I wasn't raised that way."

Having a condom omnipresent represents a trivial effort.

Re:really?

[mcgrew]

I'm pretty sure you don't need a 1GHz Snapdragon CPU to determine if you've got hepatitis or not.

<pedant>hepatitis is no more an STD than influenza.

Re:really?

[Shakrai]

But seriously, if there's enough reluctance on either side such that pausing to put on a condom is "difficult"

I hate the damn things because they are useless for anything other than missionary, at least in my experience. Any other position and the damn things come off. I've tried every conceivable brand and size to no avail.

Much easier to be in a monogamous relationship with someone you trust, IMHO anyway. I dread the day I have to re-enter the dating field and start screwing around with those godawful pieces of latex.

Re:really?

[Anonymous Coward]

Just a wee bit too much for me.

Re:really?

[cayenne8]

Not really easy to carry one inconspicuously in the old money clip.

Not everyone has a wallet.

Like I said, I try...but you don't always know when you're gonna get laid. Sure, bring them when you have a date....but guess you're right, should always assume you're gonna pick someone up when you go to a bar, after all..that's why you're going out.

:)

One nice thing about the older chicks (I'm getting older too), they've often had their kids, and don't want anymore (so, tubes tied, hysterectomies, etc)...and they're getting out of marriages and haven't been with anyone but their husbands in decades, so they're clean.

But with younger ones...yep, better to be careful as possible.

Re:really?

[forkazoo]

I dunno...maybe you plan things more than what I would guess most people do.

I've found that most of the time, at least with someone new you pick up...the mouths are occupied, clothing is flying off and you're going for the hole, and condoms really are a 2nd thought, if in fact you have one within reach.

You're not always in a bedroom when this hits, you know?

This is slashdot. Some of us have *plenty* of time to plan and prepare. Hell, I'll probably have condoms expire before I use them up. Do you know how long those things are good for?

Also, I don't understand why some guys complain so much about putting on a condom. First off, just make her do it. It's fun, and keeps both of you involved in the moment if you just think of it as a part of the process that you do together. Otherwise, if you do it yourself then either you don't do it often enough for it to actually be a bother in the grand scheme of things, or you do it often enough that you should probably suck less at it by now. If it really requires that much effort and concentration, just get a couple of boxes and practice solo until you can do it without taking so long you forget why you started. You were probably going to be playing with your dick that day anyway.

Re:really?

[Anonymous Coward]

Also, they can update the "You got Mail" notification sound to say "You got Syphillis" or whatever the person happens to have.

Re:really?

[cayenne8]

Not really a complaint with putting one on so much...with the exception that it does cause a pause in the action.

Most just using one at all. There is so little sensation...I mean, especially if you've had much to drink at all, it is hard to feel enough to blow a nut most times. It is just hard to get off with the damned things on.

Re:really?

[Sparr0]

I've always been curious, mostly as a fan of zombie movies... What common ailments are sexually transmittable? Can you give someone a cold by having sex with them? The flu? Hemorrhagic fevor? etc.

Re:really?

[Phopojijo]

There's a clap for that.

Re:really?

[Anonymous Coward]

Yes, ELISA exists and is pretty good for certain purposes. The problem is a test is usually for only one or a handful of pathogens, each subsequent pathogen increases the price and difficulty in reading the results. That, and the Elisa test kits that I have seen cost about 10-20 times as much as these are purported to run. In the 1 pound range they are anticipating, that's cheap enough that sexually active people will try the test on a whim. The price of an Elisa test means that more planning is required, so people will test less if at all.

Re:really?

[mcgrew]

You can hardly have sex with someone with the flu and not catch it. I'm probably wrong, but my idea of an STD is a disease you can only catch by having sex, like ghonnorea or syphilis.

Re:really?

[Sparr0]

Your idea of an STD does not match that of the majority of sexually active adults, at least in my part of the world. Most people consider sex-or-blood transmittable diseases (such as HIV) to be STDs. Many, possibly most, consider sex-or-kissing transmittable diseases (such as Herpes) to be STDs.

Re:really?

[Schmyz]

maybe the editor was just wet behind the ears??

Re:really?

[suomynonAyletamitlU]

Urine trouble if that's the best you can do.

Re:really?

[mcgrew]

Most people consider sex-or-blood transmittable diseases (such as HIV) to be STDs.

So do I, because afaik any disease, std or not, can be transmitted by blood. Diseases you can get by kissing (mono, herpes) I wouldn't consider an STD. AIDS and hepatitis C, yes, but not hepatitis A or B; you can get those from living in the same dorm.

Hepatitis C is, in my experience, very hard to catch. A former live-in girlfriend had it, and I didn't know about it until long after we broke up. When I found out she had it I was worried sick, but the doctor said I was fine.

More talk

[grub]

The extra bit of mood-making dirty talk is the icing on the cake.

"Hey baby... before I bang all your holes raw, leaving you semi-conscious, covered with sweat, blood, feces, lubricant and semen... would you mind pissing on my cell phone?"

Re:More talk

[Anonymous Coward]

Please don't ever invite me to your house.

Re:More talk

[grub]

Many of my guests are "Anonymous". They don't start that way, but after a few days in the woods a torso is hard to identify.

Finally

[Fibe-Piper]

I no longer have to scroll through millions of replies on Answers.com as to whether or not my list of symptoms constitutes space herpes or not.

Pay as you 'go' plan

[Drakkenmensch]

Doesn't take a wizz to see they're going for number one!

Re:Pay as you 'go' plan

[goombah99]

Can I borrow your phone to make a quick call?

Re:Pay as you 'go' plan

[dintech]

..of nature?

Re:Pay as you 'go' plan

[L4t3r4lu5]

The original testing and review was going to be done by a guy called Bob, but they changed at the last minute and asked a guy called Micturate it.

Re:Pay as you 'go' plan

[Anonymous Coward]

awesome awesome awesome Simpsons ref!

Re:Pay as you 'go' plan

[microbee]

Pee as you 'go' plan

There, fixed for ya.

Re:Pay as you 'go' plan

[Anonymous Coward]

I foresee the second hand iphone market drying up!

Obligatory "app for that" comment

[Anonymous Coward]

Want to know if the skank you brought home is clean? There's an app for that...

Re:Obligatory "app for that" comment

[nospam007]

You got the clap? There's an app for that.

Re:Obligatory "app for that" comment

[paiute]

You got the clap? There's an app for that.

I'm seeing syntergy here. Postive test for an STD? Cook it out of your junk with laptop heat!

Number 1 is fine, but what about number 2

[Anonymous Coward]

Personally I'm waiting for the toilet paper app.

Re:Number 1 is fine, but what about number 2

[drunkennewfiemidget]

They already make one. It's called an iPhone.

STD?

[AnonymousClown]

STD? Standard what?

Re:STD?

[Chrisq]

Talk of STD in the context of telephones is sure to lead to some confusion.

Re:STD?

[Rob Riggs]

std::chlamydia
std::gonorrhea
std::syphilis
std::herpes
std::hiv

Re:STD?

[L4t3r4lu5]

Well for guys, it's the subscriber's "trunk" which may be the problem.

Re:STD?

[atrain728]

genital::herpes : std::herpes

Re:STD?

[Anonymous Coward]

Nice use of private inheritance there.

Re:STD?

[Anonymous Coward]

Wait, wait... so if I do:

!using namespace std;

will it fix it?

Re:STD?

[mdarksbane]

About as bad as trying to talk cars with health professionals.

"I really want an http://http//www.subaru.com/vehicles/impreza-wrx/index.html"

"You want a WHAT?"

WTF did they change the names anyway? It's really confusing for anyone who took health class ten years ago and then stopped worrying about them when he got married.

Can't resist.

[Arancaytar]

In response to this, Nintendo has unveiled their first foray into the smartphone market.

The Nintendo Wee.

This app really pisses me off

[digitaldc]

Literally.

Re:This app really pisses me off

[Anonymous Coward]

I'm not pissing on your fucking speakerphone, I'm testing for STDs.

What we really need

[Anonymous Coward]

They need to develop a condom that changes colors based on the STD it's exposed to. If it changes to plaid you know you dodged a bullet.

Re:What we really need

[19thNervousBreakdown]

Plaid is already used by Herpagonnasyphillaids.

Calling Dr. iPhone

[Sponge Bath]

Will it automatically tie in with your Facebook account to alert your friends and family? It's a magical world we live in.

Re:Calling Dr. iPhone

[Arancaytar]

The latest status updates:

[...] is now single - four hours ago.
[...] now has Herpes - six hours ago.

Re:Calling Dr. iPhone

[L4t3r4lu5]

This would only be of benefit in the Deep South.

And Norfolk.

Re:Calling Dr. iPhone

[thesandtiger]

I would say it's more of a golden age.

Re:Calling Dr. iPhone

[sorak]

Maybe they can get the people who do farmville to do cutesy icons and status updates for each of the diseases.

Johnnie has the clap! Oh No! Will you help him get to the clinic?

Re:Calling Dr. iPhone

[cobrausn]

And yet it is being developed in the UK. Hmm...

Re:Calling Dr. iPhone

[Shotgun]

From watching MTV, I think it would be even more useful in Jersey, New York, and anywhere in southern California.

Re:Calling Dr. iPhone

[sznupi]

Seriously, with good reasons. Apparently the UK leads in promiscuity

Brett Farve's new excuse!

[GPLDAN]

He thought Jenn Streger was a team doctor and he was trying to give his phone a sample!!!!!!!!

I could be wrong, but...

[chemicaldave]

...you'd think people with smartphones have the money and sense to use protection.

However, this would be great for health professionals who work where there's no easy access to medical facilities.

Re:I could be wrong, but...

[Anonymous Coward]

Hookers need mobile devices too. How else can you book a john while on the go to and from hotels all over town?

Re:I could be wrong, but...

[Shakrai]

...you'd think people with smartphones have the money and sense to use protection.

Well, protection only reduces your chance of contracting certain diseases, it does not eliminate it. It's also less than effective on certain (herpes) STIs than is commonly believed.

Monogamy > protection. Added bonus: Not having to use condoms. That interface didn't evolve with a piece of latex in mind....

Re:I could be wrong, but...

[Permutation Citizen]

I don't practice monogamy, I never need condoms, but I still have zero risk of STD.

Re:I could be wrong, but...

[level_headed_midwest]

Living in your mother's basement will do that for you.

Re:I could be wrong, but...

[Anitech]

I don't practice monogamy, I never need condoms, but I still have zero risk of STD.

Switching between your left and right hand still counts as a single partner.

Re:I could be wrong, but...

[vlm]

Sheep jokes are NZ not UK. Almost at opposite points of the planet.
UK jokes are supposed to be all about the irony, which Americans don't understand and think is something only blacksmiths and steelworkers use.

Re:I could be wrong, but...

[Taibhsear]

Monogamy > protection.

Apparently you've never heard of viruses that lie dormant... or monogamy that isn't quite as monogamous as you thought/hoped/believed.

Re:I could be wrong, but...

[Anonymous Coward]

Nonono, you still want a condom with a sheep or else you'll catch mad-sheep disease. It causes an irresistible desire to bang sheep.

Re:I could be wrong, but...

[amentajo]

My phone r smart so I dont have 2!

Re:I could be wrong, but...

[Odiche]

Unless of course you are talking about Wales. Then you can use the sheep jokes.

Re:I could be wrong, but...

[gstoddart]

Sheep jokes are NZ not UK. Almost at opposite points of the planet.

Well, Scotland and Wales are in the UK -- I know for sure I've heard many a Scotsman/sheep joke.

Never really been sure what the Welsh are saying though -- there could be sheep involved. It's hard to tell.

Re:I could be wrong, but...

[sorak]

My wife works at a grocery store, and I am surprised at how many teenagers I see, both there, and, occasionally, at fast food restaurants who are typing away on cheap blackberrys during their break.(I haven't seen many iPhones or androids, however). Meanwhile, I know of a few competent coworkers (outside of IT) who do not have smart phones.

Re:I could be wrong, but...

[Shakrai]

or monogamy that isn't quite as monogamous as you thought/hoped/believed.

Well, there's always that chance, but that's part of the risk that goes along with trusting someone.

Re:I could be wrong, but...

[cayenne8]

"Monogamy > protection. Added bonus: Not having to use condoms. "

Yeah, but your stuck with the same chick over, and over, and over.....

Some of us like variety...without having to risk losing half our shit when we want to upgrade to a newer model.

Re:I could be wrong, but...

[Shakrai]

ithout having to risk losing half our shit when we want to upgrade to a newer model.

I didn't say "marriage", I said "monogamy".

Warning!!!!

[Anonymous Coward]

You have been infected!

click here now to order our latest antivirus hardware.

Our sensors have also found you could use our latest VIAGRA products,
Order them together and get a discount!

The future isn't going to change anything.

API

[Anonymous Coward]

std::ClapDetector() etc

Camera Testing?

[Doc Ruby]

How about a little rig with capillary tubes etched throughout a couple of thin plastic plates that you touch edgewise to some urine or blood, that pulls the fluid through, then snaps into a little frame attached to the phone's camera lens. All calibrated to give image data to a server that looks for interactions of disease causes/products with the sizes, shapes and materials in the tubes. Then sends results back to the phone. The little rig should be small and cheap enough to dispense in nightclub bathrooms or drugstores, neater than a pregnancy test, and without leaving any analysis up to the user's eyesight, manual dexterity or intelligence.

The people we most want getting prompt STD infection results are the ones who already aren't competent to keep safe by practicing safe sex. And other infectious diseases are just a little further back in the "evolution safety skills" stack. "Foolproof" is the #1 design objective, because fools have a higher rate of being the most important user segment.

Re:Camera Testing?

[Odiche]

"Foolproof" is the #1 design objective, because fools have a higher rate of being the most important user segment." This is hilarious, and now my new sig line!!!

Re:Camera Testing?

[Doc Ruby]

Thanks: let me know how foolproof the .sig is ;).

Re:Camera Testing?

[gstoddart]

The people we most want getting prompt STD infection results are the ones who already aren't competent to keep safe by practicing safe sex.

There isn't really such things as "safe" sex, but "safer" sex. Meaning "less risky", but not "risk free". If you come in contact with someone else, there's always a risk.

Full body latex and a gas mask might get you "safe sex" though. Of course, that's not for everyone. :-P

Re:Camera Testing?

[Plazmid]

One reason the researchers might be suggesting a device that plugs into the phone, is that the microfluidic chip might require power. The detection process might require a PCR step(and yes, PCR can be done in 'CSI plot device' timeframes) this takes power. Bodily fluids are often quite viscous and might need to be pumped through the device. This would be especially necessary if part of the detection process involved mixing the bodily fluids with reagents as on small size scales(low Re, unless the fluid's going at the speed of sound) fluids don't mix, at least over reasonable time scales. This necessitates pumping your fluids to be mixed through micromixers, this takes power. Also, at the very least a UV LED would be needed to show fluorescent markers.

Re:Camera Testing?

[danlip]

The people we most want getting prompt STD infection results are the ones who already aren't competent to keep safe by practicing safe sex.

And you still can't get prompt results, it takes up to 6 months between initial infection and when you test positive for many STDs. If you go to a clinic they will drill that into your head, but with an over the counter test the buyer might remain clueless and think they are STD free when they are really spreading the disease around. Nobody will read the fine print on the test.

"Foolproof" is the #1 design objective, because fools have a higher rate of being the most important user segment.

hilarious

Re:Camera Testing?

[Doc Ruby]

Latex bodysuit and gas mask mainly mean abstinence, which is the only 100.0% safe sex. But marathon running - because it's not sex.

However, since there are other ways of contracting most STDs other than sex, even sexual abstinence isn't "100% safe", if you don't abstain from other possible causes.

It's all probabilities. Which for me and most people means some kind of sex is safe enough, and nothing is 100%.

Re:Camera Testing?

[gstoddart]

Latex bodysuit and gas mask mainly mean abstinence

I guess it depends on how you define abstinence, really. :-P

People like he damnedest things.

Re:Camera Testing?

[Anonymous Coward]

And only "the queers" get AIDS too, right?

"safe" sex is more appropriately named "safer than unprotected" sex. Anytime you're exchanging body fluids and penetrating (or being penetrated...) by someone else during the transmission / emission of those body fluids, you are going to be exposed to stuff that could contain disease-causing microbes. Having a safe, cheap, easy, private, convenient test available for home use means *everybody* can test themselves -- even the ostensibly smart people who don't seem to grasp that a thin latex sheath on your cock (and/or your partner's cock) doesn't magically make you immune to STDs.

I would've thought nerds would understand an "asymptotic approach to zero risk" is not being the same as "no risk".

Re:Camera Testing?

[Doc Ruby]

No, you're a fool.

Re:Camera Testing?

[Anonymous Coward]

And you're an elitist twat. Hope that golden cock of yours never gets the drip, because I'm sure you'll rationalize it away until something turns green and falls off.

After all, "You're SMART, and ALWAYS safe, there's no possible way YOU could have something. Testing would therefore be pointless!"

Way to let us all know not to sleep with you.

Re:Camera Testing?

[Anonymous Coward]

How about using your cellphone camera to check your rectum walls? Only that smartphones are too wide for most people. It would have to be a dumbphone.

Re:Camera Testing?

[jonadab]

> ... attached to the phone's
> camera lens. All
> calibrated to give image

You have significantly
overestimated the useful
resolution of cellphone
camera sensors.

Re:Camera Testing?

[Doc Ruby]

The attachment can include extra lenses. Or the capillary tubes can amplify the reaction to macroscopic scale. Indeed, the sample plates could turn color depending on what's inside, requiring only lorez cameras.

This should help stop cell phone theft

[GGardner]

If this doesn't stop cell phone theft, nothing will.

Other remote testing

[hamsan]

Can a hack to test for midi-chlorian count be far behind?

That's nothing...

[OneSmartFellow]

..... I'm developing an application that turns your iPhone into a 4.8 oz hammer. Buy it from iStore, install it on your phone, and presto, yuou can drive nails with your iPhone. I make no guarentees about how long the iPhone will last when used in this manner.

Yes but...

[mutube]

...is it Open Sores?!

This Is Prevention, Too

[Doc Ruby]

People who pee on their phones are less likely to get any sexually transmitted disease, because they're less likely to get any sex (with another person, anyway).

However, those phone peeing people who do get sex are more likely to catch something dirty, given the kind of people who will have sex with them.

The use stats of a device like this could tell us quite a lot about human nature.

Hmmm

[Stooshie]

Well, I've got good news and bad news. The good news you are clear of STDs. The bad news is your phone is buggered!

Cell phone?

[conteXXt]

Why a cell phone? Why not just a usb dongle + software?

Re:Cell phone?

[Anonymous Coward]

So you don't have to go home first!

Re:Cell phone?

[Anonymous Coward]

Because cell phones are rapidly overtaking PCs as the dominant computing platform, and installing software on them is generally pretty easy.

Re:Cell phone?

[Anonymous Coward]

Because the kid of people who take their laptops to bed tend to go to bed alone.

Re:Cell phone?

[vlm]

Why a cell phone? Why not just a usb dongle + software?

Almost certainly so they (govt, etc) can track down people with positive results. At some point in the device is a microcontroller pin where OK = H and infected = L (maybe open collector from multiple sensors who knows). The app on the phone merely reads binary 0 or 1 and then promptly, probably literally, phones home to report. You could probably find that pin on the embedded microcontroller, feed in +5 and hook up an LED if you want privacy.

Given the UK attitude toward cameras being the miracle cure for all social ills, I figure the other use is to snap a candid pic of the newly positive, for like a reality show or something.

Re:Cell phone?

[david@ecsd.com]

I don't ever want my dongle to become software...

Re:Cell phone?

[digitig]

I figure the other use is to snap a candid pic of the newly positive, for like a reality show or something.

Considering the shot it's going to get, that show is only going to air on rather -- er -- specialist channels.

Re:Cell phone?

[Anonymous Coward]

Why a cell phone? Why not just a usb dongle + software?

Heh. You said DONGle. :)

Want to know if you have an STD?

[McGregorMortis]

There's an app for that!

Surprise!

[Pagey123]

"Urine" for a surprise!

That's a HARDware solution.

[denzacar]

He specifically asked for SOFTware. Some people have sensitive behinds.

Also, some of us believe that when you buy a piece of hardware there shouldn't be any anal violence attached to the process.
Again, not something iPhone is able to provide.

Re:That's a HARDware solution.

[Anonymous Coward]

So the iPhone doesn't have a vibrate mode?

One thing is abundantly clear

[Anonymous Coward]

I'm never borrowing a phone again.

Sweet!

[david@ecsd.com]

No, wait ...

Salty?

1 in 5 drop phones in the toilet

[ral]

According to a study commissioned by Microsoft "Nineteen percent have dropped their mobile phone in the toilet while using the phone in a restroom."

I was wondering why Microsoft would ask about that. Now I know.

Wouldn't this void the warranty?

[Anonymous Coward]

Wouldn't this void the warranty?

Possible false security?

[OzPeter]

Not all STDs can be tested for via a urine test, but if average person pee's and detects no infection it may actually give them a false sense of security and thus help increase infection rates of STDs that require blood or other tests.

The above could also lead to a game of "lets pee on the phone *before* we have sex and if we both come up clean then we can ditch the condoms" - yeah that'll help infection rates

Some previous responses have said "People who can afford smart phones are smart enough to use protection". I'll counter with "People who can afford smart phones can also afford alcohol, and alcohol and urgency will decrease protection usage"

Finally what is the false negative rate of this test

Re:Possible false security?

[jimicus]

Some previous responses have said "People who can afford smart phones are smart enough to use protection". I'll counter with "People who can afford smart phones can also afford alcohol, and alcohol and urgency will decrease protection usage"

People who come up with responses like that haven't looked at the mobile phone market lately. Sony Ericsson have an Android phone with a 2.5" screen out, and it's pretty cheap (Pretty plasticky too, but that's Sony Ericsson for you). Samsung are producing their own smartphone platform which it seems many - if not all - of their future handsets will run.

IMV, it won't be long before non-smartphones are consigned to the same history book as phones with black & white screens and no camera. 3-5 years at most, very likely considerably less. Why else do you think Microsoft - after letting their mobile platform languish for so long - are suddenly going all out to promote Windows Mobile 7?

Re:Possible false security?

[noidentity]

Let's also hope that the users of this test are able to read the instructions well enough to see that it's not the phone that they urinate on, as the article headline and summary state.

How soon does it work after infection?

[Straker Skunk]

What I'd like to know is, does this test have the problem of most STD tests where you have to wait ~6 months after infection to get a positive result, since it only detects STD-antibodies (and not the STD itself) and it takes about that long for them to build up sufficiently high?

Re:How soon does it work after infection?

[Anonymous Coward]

In other words, before using the cellphone for the STD test, remember to load the battery very well...

Re:How soon does it work after infection?

[Anonymous Coward]

Tell your doctors to stop outsourcing to labs overseas. Seriously, no test takes more than a month to get a result back.

Re:How soon does it work after infection?

[OzPeter]

Tell your doctors to stop outsourcing to labs overseas. Seriously, no test takes more than a month to get a result back.

He's not talking about how long the test takes, but how long it takes for the body to respond to the infection to generate the markers that can be detected by the tests. You can have a rolling window of several months to years for some infections

Re:How soon does it work after infection?

[Anonymous Coward]

You're thinking about HIV, you're right, that takes months. The clap (ghonorhea) will show up the next day as will several others (actually, most STIs will show positive the next day). There's no cheap test that separately identifies Herpes Simplex 1 from Simplex 2, there is a cheap test that does not distinguish and will show positive if you have either.

Re:How soon does it work after infection?

[Straker Skunk]

You're thinking about HIV, you're right, that takes months. The clap (ghonorhea) will show up the next day as will several others (actually, most STIs will show positive the next day). There's no cheap test that separately identifies Herpes Simplex 1 from Simplex 2, there is a cheap test that does not distinguish and will show positive if you have either.

The cheap herpes test works that quickly, too? My understanding is that HSV is harder to detect, not least because the virus isn't always being shed.

If the test is reliable, and quick to yield a positive, that would be pretty good---given that condoms don't necessarily protect against HSV, and we don't have a cure for it as yet...

Re:How soon does it work after infection?

[Anonymous Coward]

I'm not aware that whether the cheap HSV test works quickly or not. Honestly about 80% of the US is infected with one or both, most people have no or rare symptoms. There is no cure, but I've read that the existing treatments can keep someone from passing it on. You're right, comdoms don't protect you from this (you'd be surprised how many folks think they do). It's one of those things, if you aren't going to be longterm monogamous I'd suggest you do your own research on.

It could be a good thing (was: Re:really?)

[beh]

After that, you might hold your (albeit maybe slightly yellowy tinged) iPhone 4 in such an awkward way as to completely eliminate the antenna issue...

no more moochers

[binaryseraph]

That will be the last time I ask to borrow someone's phone to make a call...

WARNING

[jbuck]

This may be a fake article... I just tried it with my HTC Droid Incredible and I can report that it does NOT work as TFA title advertised. In fact, my screen is kinda blanking out now. Does my phone need to be rooted or something?

.

related note: Used HTC Inc for sale. Froyo. Almost like new. almost. Cheap!

Re:WARNING

[rts008]

Does my phone need to be rooted or something?

Nah, just toss it in the clothes dryer for a while.
The tumbling will shake loose the pee, and the heat will take care of the rest. ;-)

Re:WARNING

[Anonymous Coward]

Rooting your phone may make things worse..

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=root

Really...

[ldobson]

This takes the piss.

The free version

[Anonymous Coward]

puts your results in an ad supported searchable online profile.

pissing on iphones

[Anonymous Coward]

Most of us here already piss daily on the iphone. I see no adaption problems for this technology.

tags

[godrik]

Am I the only one that smiled at the "handheld" tag ? :)

Hitchhiker's Guide Reference

[Shotgun]

and you all laughed about the telephone cleaners being sent to the new Earth. HA! HA! Who's laughing now?!

Security?

[shadowfaxcrx]

When this app hits the market, someone should see what permissions it's asking for.

I can see it now - uploads to an auto-twitter-updater. "LOL @Soandso has herpes!"

Just waiting...

[QuantumBeep]

I wonder how many minutes into release day before someone doesn't read the instructions and just PEES ON THEIR PHONE.

If they are adult enough to use one of these kits

[SilverJets]

Then they are adult enough to buy and use condoms in the first place.

Uhhh. Bad idea

[Anonymous Coward]

Nice. So when a person finds out they have herpes, they can immediately transfer it to their face when they call their partners to inform them.

Transfer?

[FPoe]

"Oh No! I have herpes!" -Dials phone to inform dirty partner- "Oh No! I have transferred said herpes to my face!"

Re:Transfer?

[OzPeter]

"Oh No! I have herpes!" -Dials phone to inform dirty partner- "Oh No! I have transferred said herpes to my face!"

Um .. bets are that you already have herpes on your face - they are called cold sores

This works with any cellphone right out of the box

[Anonymous Coward]

Really, try it out. I did and it told me the right answer. Don't believe me? Just try it out.

cb

Prevalent != ubiquitous

[tepples]

why create an expensive device with more components when you can keep your production costs really low, and your potential user-base really high (due to the much lower selling cost) if you can just use the powerful hardware in other prevalent devices instead?

Because not all of your audience has "other prevalent devices". They'd need to make a version for iPhone as well as every Android phone, BlackBerry phone, and "feature phone" out there. I don't think they'll get around to making one for my Audiovox 8610.

Re:Prevalent != ubiquitous

[yakumo.unr]

but ignore the iPhone and it's proprietary lock in (with a smaller market share anyway), and you can make a microUSB device which can connect to by far the majority of phones, and then all you have to worry about is your software being portable.

April fools already?

[VShael]

This is a joke, right?

preemptive testing?

[Anonymous Coward]

So before you dip your wick can you jam this thing in a coochie to see if it is fit for consumption?

Re:preemptive testing?

[Americano]

I'm guessing if you use phrases like "dip your wick" and "jam this thing in a coochie," with a woman, you probably have done neither, and it's a reasonable bet that you probably never will.

money =/= intelligence

[WaroDaBeast]

Some previous responses have said "People who can afford smart phones are smart enough to use protection". I'll counter with "People who can afford smart phones can also afford alcohol, and alcohol and urgency will decrease protection usage"

I'll counter it by saying that people who have a lot of money don't have to think about tackling problems and finding workarounds, since they can always buy brand new stuff. On a more general note, being smart enough to make nice amounts of money doesn't necessarily mean you make smart choices in life.

Re:If they are adult enough to use one of these ki

[balbus000]

Yeah, but condoms feel weird .

CTD... the new STD

[0x537461746943]

Cellphone Transmitted Disease... Be safe everyone. Make sure to bring cellphone condoms or just don't use your friends cellphone.

2 dirty stories in one day?

[BigDaveyL]

Laptops cook your testies, now this?

iPhone users really more Gay?

[Anonymous Coward]

It would be interesting to see the all results and find out if it's true that most Apple customers are indeed gay.

Reminds me of a sketch comedy

[Anonymous Coward]

Maybe these kids were visionaries. Maybe Apple was, once again, first to market with an extraordinary technology.

The iPod Shuffle

Re:If they are adult enough to use one of these ki

[Americano]

Condoms break. They are not foolproof. Otherwise responsible people also get drunk, or high, or stupid, and do things which later cause them to think "WTF was I thinking??!!"

There are numerous reasons why people might choose to use a device like this.

Assuming that use of a condom makes you invincible is, perversely, an indicator of immature thinking and displays a fundamental lack of awareness of the risks inherent to any sexual behavior.

Or

[slapout]

We could do that. Or, you know, spend the money explaining to people how to not get the STDs in the first place.

Pee + Electricity = Fried Potatoes

[chaosdivine69]

Hmmm, pee + electricity...does anyone beside me see the potential problem here?

ingress protection

[Anonymous Coward]

Hopefully, there will be more low cost phones that meet IP-6 or 7.

6: protection from powerful jets or 7: 1m immersion.

Ikky Trekky

[Tablizer]

I expected the first Tricorder to be a bit more dignified

Re:If they are adult enough to use one of these ki

[SilverJets]

I am not assuming condoms make you invincible. I am aware of their flaws. However thinking that a device like this is going to stop the spread of STDs is an indicator of immature thinking. If the young people they are targeting are not mature enough to attempt to use condoms, and are not mature enough to seek medical attention when they think they have an STD (read the article is says this right out) then this device will do absolutely nothing.

Public health experts are concerned that, although most STIs occur among that age group, many are too embarrassed to visit a GP or a genito-urinary medicine clinic to get tested and therefore continue to suffer and potentially pass the disease on.

So their iPhone tells them they got the clap. Big deal. If they are too embarrassed to go see a doctor to get tested they'll be too embarrassed by the test results to go see a doctor to get treatment. And you can bet they'll be too embarrassed to tell the person they just finished having unprotected sex with that their iPhone detected the STD two weeks ago.

sure.....

[Anonymous Coward]

...until someone bangs your partner behind your back.

Re:If they are adult enough to use one of these ki

[Americano]

"Many are too embarrassed to get tested."

Not "many are too embarrassed to get treated." And in fact, having a "diagnosis" of sorts to share with a doctor as a framework for the discussion will probably help them deal with the embarrassment.

Many people - at widely varying ages - are nervous about discussing things with their doctor, and most of it stems from fear of the unknown. "I have this burning feeling when I pee, but it's probably just irritation, and will go away, no need to bother the doctor about it."

Having a test that's convenient and private means that the people who don't want to bother the doctor with something that's "probably no big deal" can test themselves, and seek treatment if the test is positive; It can also be used by people who are normally "safe" but who experience a broken condom, or a regrettable lapse of judgement.

Arguing that there's no need, market, or benefit to this is stupid. If you had to go to the doctor every time you needed your blood pressure, blood sugar, or other things tested... how many people do you think would be walking around as hypertensive diabetics with advanced atherosclerosis until they keeled over from a massive coronary at age 55? I'm betting it'd be a lot higher if the tools for "home testing" weren't available.

Reality bests Sci-fi

[GameboyRMH]

Reminds me of a scene from this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UdJDAPDltMM

But it requires so much less pee!

Single-language platforms

[tepples]

and then all you have to worry about is your software being portable.

Some phones can run only Java (e.g. BlackBerry). Other phones run the bastard son of Java (e.g. Android). Other phones can't run Java at all (e.g. WP7). How does one write portable software for platforms that support a disjoint set of languages?

There we have it!

[CODiNE]

Finally a compelling reason to buy a Windows 7 phone...

..

and that STD test thing is neat too.

Programmers have new Fun

[KingPin27]

This gives a whole new meaning to using STDIN and STDERR for STREAM Capture eh?

Some of us have...

[Anonymous Coward]

prostate problems, you insensitive clod!

(Once a meme, always a meme).

good idea

[Anonymous Coward]

i actually think it can work when u're horny and out of condoms...

just be like... hey i know we just met and we're both drunk... but i have this fetish of women peeing on my phone..

well it can only work if the girl is freaky... which means ur in for a hell of a night if u know how to handle it

CPU and usefulness

[DrYak]

You don't need 1GHz, but you do need a CPU.

Yup. Most STD tests are PCR-based, so you need some electronics to cycle the PCR temperature, control the electric field in the micro-fluidic channels and read the sensors.
A smartphone CPU is an overkill (the whole stuff could be done with a simple PIC), but is widely availble.

The only question : How will the "lab on a chip" communicate the phone ? You have :
- the current official standard micro-USB connector
- the previous de-facto standard mini-USB connector
- Apple's own proprietary connector which is still widespread due to the popularity of their products
- Lots of proprietary connectors which used to be widespread before the standardisation on USB.

That's a lot of cabling possibilities that needs to be bundled-in.

On the other hand, a smart phone also provides a nice screen and features a web-browser, all useful to display more informations to the user and give advice for the next step depending on the result.

Also

I think the real application will be "test the other person". If it becomes socially acceptable to ask for a saliva sample before having sex, this could put a real dent in STD rates

Common, why do you need to submit your potential partner to some test, when you could simply put on a condom and have sex with whomever is consenting ?!?
Compared to just using a condom, a "lab-on-a-chip" seems to be an overkill.

Both of the disease mentioned in the article (chlamydia and gonorrhoea) are very well prevented with a simple condom.
In addition to that, a condom can also stop quite a few other diseases, some of which aren't detectable in the urine nor in the saliva, but only in the blood, like AIDS' HIV.
As a bonus, a condom can also prevent unwanted pregnancies.

Last but not least I can see several problems with an STD-test-at-home :
- It has to be pretty much fool proof (like the current pregnancy tests) or there's a risk of mis-diagnoses due to inappropriate operation of the device.
(In this context a smart-phone makes a little bit more sense : it provide a more elaborate output to explain "what went wrong, how to try again" thanks to LCD estate)
- A doctor or a nurse giving the results could talk a person into disclosing the infection to past partners who are now at-risk.
A phone app would have a harder time.

Peeing on your droid works for pregnancy tests

[ohiovr]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UdJDAPDltMM

Re:If they are adult enough to use one of these ki

[SilverJets]

"how many people do you think would be walking around as hypertensive diabetics with advanced atherosclerosis until they keeled over from a massive coronary at age 55? "

About as many as were walking around before home blood pressure and blood sugar testing apparatus were available. Or what, you think hypertension is a new disease?

You practice monogame, so does she

[SmallFurryCreature]

She just isn't very good at it yet.

can I borrow your phone?

[juan2074]

Excuse me, Sir.
Can I borrow your phone?
I don't want to ruin mine.