Vatican To Digitize Prohibited Archives

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Vatican To Digitize Prohibited Archives

Posted by CmdrTaco on Friday April 1, 2011 @02:09AM from the mary-was-totally-hot dept.

tiltowait writes "Hot on the heels of their successful iPhone app and drive-through confessional, the BBC News reports that the Vatican Voltron Vulture Decepticons has announced plans to digitize their pornography collection and make it available online to tithing paying horny hungry subscribers. Given what the church has planned for the project's by-products offspring profits moneez , here's hoping they learn lessons from the the New York Times paywall loopholes. Is anyone in on the Indulgentia beta?"

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April Fools by James+McGuigan · 2011-04-01 02:12 · Score: 1

Nice try though!
1. Re:April Fools by hobo+sapiens · 2011-04-01 03:04 · Score: 1
  
  OMG PONIES!
  Ok, I am leaving the interwebs now. See ya tomorrow.
  
  --
  blah blah blah
2. Re:April Fools by the_womble · 2011-04-01 03:18 · Score: 1
  
  There is an interesting point though. The Vatican does own some porn.
  1) They cannot destroy it because its historically valuable.
  2) They cannot sell it because it would not exactly be appropriate to profit from selling porn.
  Obviously serious scholars need access, which needs to be free (no taking money from porn), so the best solution would be to digitise it and release it for others to redistribute.
3. Re:April Fools by v1 · 2011-04-01 03:53 · Score: 1
  
  but If they're only making it available to paying customers, isn't that selling it?
  
  --
  I work for the Department of Redundancy Department.
4. Re:April Fools by Samantha+Wright · 2011-04-01 03:58 · Score: 2
  
  Nah, that's selling access to it. It's sort of like "If you pay me $50/hour, I'll let you enter this room at my super-sleazy motel. Also, while in this room, feel free to take advantage of the complimentary prostitute."
  
  --
  Bio questions? Ask me to start a Q&A journal. Computer analogies available for most topics!
5. Re:April Fools by Marxist+Hacker+42 · 2011-04-01 04:23 · Score: 1
  
  The sad part is, I was just watching a history channel documentary two days ago that claimed the same thing.
  
  --
  SJW: a person who perceives an injustice, and while correcting it, commits a greater injustice.
6. Re:April Fools by FatLittleMonkey · 2011-04-01 05:59 · Score: 1
  
  websites link is real for those who think the whole thing is fake. Sorry pretty sure this isn't an april fools joke
  FTFA:"Funding for the collection's digitisation has been procured via an executive order from Italian PM Silvio Berlusconi, who has expressed a strong interest in "protecting our priceless cultural heritage." [...] acount maintenance will be run by adult entertainment magnate Larry Flint."
  Sure, skippy. You keep Believing.
  
  --
  Science is all about firing a drunk pig out of a cannon just to see what happens.
7. Re:April Fools by YA_Python_dev · 2011-04-01 11:06 · Score: 1
  
  Yeah, they almost got me on this one.
  
  --
  There's a hidden treasure in Python 3.x: __prepare__()
8. Re:April Fools by Samantha+Wright · 2011-04-01 12:32 · Score: 1
  complimentary
  
  Expressing a compliment; praising or approving
  
  Jennie was very complimentary about Kathy's riding
  complimentary remarks
  
  Given or supplied free of charge
  
  a complimentary bottle of wine
  --
  Bio questions? Ask me to start a Q&A journal. Computer analogies available for most topics!
Why today? by skids · 2011-04-01 02:14 · Score: 5, Insightful

Why did I have to get mod points today? Useless.

--
Someone had to do it.
1. Re:Why today? by rogueippacket · 2011-04-01 02:42 · Score: 5, Insightful
  
  +5 Insightful? Methinks you weren't the only one... =)
2. Re:Why today? by hellkyng · 2011-04-01 03:22 · Score: 3, Interesting
  
  I vomited my mod points gratuitously all over the place, mmm april fools I feel your pain.
3. Re:Why today? by webmistressrachel · 2011-04-01 03:48 · Score: 2
  
  It's worse than that for me. Mine EXPIRE today, and I have 5 of them to waste on this crapflood they call "April Fool's". Oh well, woe is me. Mod me down...
  
  --
  This tagline was transcoded to result in at least one smirk. If you experience failure to smirk, please consult your Gen
4. Re:Why today? by skids · 2011-04-01 03:56 · Score: 1
  
  Maybe the editors will post a thread on karma-deficiency-disorder, so we can spread the love to the truly pathetic.
  
  --
  Someone had to do it.
5. Re:Why today? by Nick+Ives · 2011-04-01 04:34 · Score: 1
  
  Has anyone noticed that mod points seem to come around more frequently lately? I had a run a couple of weeks ago where I received three batches of points in a week!
  
  --
  Nick
6. Re:Why today? by MobileTatsu-NJG · 2011-04-01 04:37 · Score: 1
  
  Why did I have to get mod points today? Useless.
  You know they last for more than one day, right?
  
  --
  
  "I like to lick butts!" by MobileTatsu-NJG (#32700246) (Score:5, Informative)
Down by vbraga · 2011-04-01 02:16 · Score: 1

Every year ./ seems to get worse. Even the Aprils Fools joke are getting worse. Unfortunately there's a lack of decent alternatives.

--
English is not my first language. Corrections and suggestions are welcome.
1. Re:Down by MyLongNickName · 2011-04-01 02:31 · Score: 2
  
  You should try this new website called /.
  
  --
  See my journal for slashdot ID's by year. Mine created in 2005. http://slashdot.org/journal/289875/slashdot-ids-by-year
2. Re:Down by _Sprocket_ · 2011-04-01 02:43 · Score: 1
  
  I just loaded the page for my morning coffee crawl and realized the date. Like previous years, I'm going to ignore the fact that /. exists until the date rolls over. The joke is stale.
  On the flip side, there HAS been interesting April Fools pranks. This micro-editing has some appeal (I can't say why), OMG Ponies, and the time they coordinated with a slew of other geek culture sites to imply that there was some big, bad IP lawyering hitting everyone stand out. But in.... what.... 10 or so years of April Fools jokes to generate such a short list shows exactly how much signal to noise we see on this date. And that ratio should be telling of the value of this tradition.
3. Re:Down by nschubach · 2011-04-01 02:50 · Score: 2, Insightful
  
  It's one day to have fun. Relax.
  
  --
  Every time I start to have faith in humanity, I ruin it by driving to work between 7 and 8 am.
4. Re:Down by _Sprocket_ · 2011-04-01 05:25 · Score: 1
  
  It's one day to have fun. Relax.
  Which is fine if it's fun. It's not.
  Point taken - I probably sound like a killjoy (which I take with a personal sense of irony). This is a day for /. to essentially shut down and I'll treat it as such (with the occasional check to see if this particular thread has garnered any interesting discussion :P).
What happened to OMG Ponies! by viking099 · 2011-04-01 02:22 · Score: 1

That would have been perfect this year, with the new MLP show. Oh, well.
1. Re:What happened to OMG Ponies! by Conspiracy_Of_Doves · 2011-04-01 02:44 · Score: 1
  
  Have you seen the clips from that show arrange to the audio track from the Dark Knight trailer?
  
  --
  
  Technoli
Oh please! by Opportunist · 2011-04-01 02:22 · Score: 4, Funny

Won't someone PLEASE think of the child... erh...
better not.

--
We used to have a Bill of Rights. Now, with the rights gone, all we have left is the bill.
1. Re:Oh please! by xMrFishx · 2011-04-01 02:34 · Score: 1
  
  In Catholic Vatican, God thinks about children.
2. Re:Oh please! by Opportunist · 2011-04-01 02:44 · Score: 1
  
  Effin' pedo!
  I knew there was something fishy when I read Matt 19:14 and Luke 18:16.
  
  --
  We used to have a Bill of Rights. Now, with the rights gone, all we have left is the bill.
3. Re:Oh please! by outsider007 · 2011-04-01 07:46 · Score: 1
  
  It's not a sin to be victimized by a pedophile. He's talking about leading children away from their faith. Which seems odd today because nobody would ever dare tell a kid that there's no God or Jesus. But back then I guess it was a real issue.
  
  --
  If you mod me down the terrorists will have won
4. Re:Oh please! by Opportunist · 2011-04-03 02:31 · Score: 1
  
  Hey! The bible thumpers get to pick and choose their quotes from the book and ignore what doesn't further their agenda, so I get to do it, too!
  
  --
  We used to have a Bill of Rights. Now, with the rights gone, all we have left is the bill.
A fool? Not even close by Things_falling_apart · 2011-04-01 02:23 · Score: 1

April Fools Day is supposed to be able to trick "fools". This would not fool even the most extreme unthinking Pat Robertson types out there.
Out of ideas by proslack · 2011-04-01 02:24 · Score: 2

What will Dan Brown write about now?

--

Floating in the black seas of infinity without a paddle.
1. Re:Out of ideas by guspasho · 2011-04-01 05:24 · Score: 1
  
  The Vatican's secrets have been intercepted by Wikileaks!
It's not actually the BBC by siliconbits · 2011-04-01 02:26 · Score: 2

Just check the URL I s'ppose... Hope there's no link to Malware in there
1. Re:It's not actually the BBC by Xugumad · 2011-04-01 02:32 · Score: 2
  
  This is what got to me. The BBC normally do a rather good joke for April Fool's, but apparently that wasn't enough, now we need fake articles from websites faking being other websites...
I'll keep on asking by ginbot462 · 2011-04-01 02:26 · Score: 1

CmdrTaco let the users submit there own MadLibs .. er stories! We won't inject badly behaving scripts! Please, I'll do my homework and go to bed early.

--
Atlas Shrugged : Thematic Story :: Battlefield Earth : Organized Religion
April Foolter by blowdog · 2011-04-01 02:29 · Score: 1

Someone smart, not me I'm an idiot, needs to create a browser plugin that makes April Fool story's disappear
1. Re:April Foolter by xMrFishx · 2011-04-01 02:36 · Score: 1
  
  Come back tomorrow and I'll have one for you that will work for years between 2010 and 2012. Unfortunately you'll need to upgrade for next years. I'll probably have it out by the second, or maybe the third of the month.
2. Re:April Foolter by blowdog · 2011-04-01 02:46 · Score: 1
  
  great, thanks. hang on, I'll find my credit card and enter the details here.
Come on by RavenousBlack · 2011-04-01 02:35 · Score: 1

This one's not even believable in the least bit. If you're going to do April Fools at least make me wonder if it's true or not.
See you tomorrow by cultiv8 · 2011-04-01 02:35 · Score: 1, Insightful

Almost forgot, I don't read /. on April 1st.

--
sysadmins and parents of newborns get the same amount of sleep.
Re:Vatican nudity by Opportunist · 2011-04-01 02:47 · Score: 1

What for? If I wanted to see dead flesh dangling, I could get plenty thereof in the average crucifixion painting.

--
We used to have a Bill of Rights. Now, with the rights gone, all we have left is the bill.
When will this day end? by DigiTechGuy · 2011-04-01 02:49 · Score: 1

Insanity! The internet is useless, I'm giving up on slacking off and resorting to actually working.
Accomplishments? by vijayiyer · 2011-04-01 02:51 · Score: 1

I wonder how many people will post today just for the Accomplishment
1. Re:Accomplishments? by Code+Master · 2011-04-01 02:58 · Score: 1
  
  That's a good idea!
  
  --
  The Code Master
2. Re:Accomplishments? by Qzukk · 2011-04-01 03:09 · Score: 1
  
  Everyone who didn't get the achievement last time?
  
  --
  If I have been able to see further than others, it is because I bought a pair of binoculars.
3. Re:Accomplishments? by Limburgher · 2011-04-01 03:09 · Score: 1
  
  Not sure. :)
  
  --
  You are not the customer.
4. Re:Accomplishments? by karnal · 2011-04-01 03:26 · Score: 1
  
  Accomplishment? OH NO!
  
  --
  Karnal
5. Re:Accomplishments? by digitac · 2011-04-01 03:34 · Score: 1
  
  do they still exist? I thought that was last year's gag.
6. Re:Accomplishments? by Permutation+Citizen · 2011-04-01 03:43 · Score: 1
  
  Sure
7. Re:Accomplishments? by pens · 2011-04-01 04:03 · Score: 1
  
  Yeah, I wonder that too
8. Re:Accomplishments? by kevinNCSU · 2011-04-01 04:19 · Score: 1
  
  Almost forgot about that.
9. Re:Accomplishments? by gnarfel · 2011-04-01 04:26 · Score: 1
  
  [normal slashdot post, for achievement.]
  
  --
  Local music(to upstate NY). http://gnarfel.com/ radio.
10. Re:Accomplishments? by Rasit · 2011-04-01 04:42 · Score: 1
  
  Thanks, I almost forgot about that.
11. Re:Accomplishments? by DarkOx · 2011-04-01 04:45 · Score: 2
  
  I got one for using all my mod points today!
  
  --
  Repeal the 17th Amendment TODAY! Also Please Read http://www.gnu.org/philosophy/right-to-read.html
12. Re:Accomplishments? by rwa2 · 2011-04-01 05:09 · Score: 1
  
  What a foolish accomplishment. /This is not an accomplishment. Nope.
13. Re:Accomplishments? by acsinc · 2011-04-01 05:09 · Score: 1
  
  such as myself
14. Re:Accomplishments? by jcoy42 · 2011-04-01 06:29 · Score: 1
  
  I suppose I may as well.
  
  --
  Never trust an atom. They make up everything.
15. Re:Accomplishments? by slaxative · 2011-04-01 06:33 · Score: 1
  
  A lot.
  
  --
  This is not the penguin you're looking for.
16. Re:Accomplishments? by Carnildo · 2011-04-01 09:22 · Score: 1
  
  I love spam.
  
  --
  "They redundantly repeated themselves over and over again incessantly without end ad infinitum" -- ibid.
17. Re:Accomplishments? by chargersfan420 · 2011-04-01 10:07 · Score: 1
  
  And me too.
18. Re:Accomplishments? by existone · 2011-04-01 10:15 · Score: 1
  
  And me three.
19. Re:Accomplishments? by wholesaleidea · 2011-04-06 16:04 · Score: 1
  
  HO HO~~~~~
Srsly? by Kwpolska · 2011-04-01 02:51 · Score: 1

I'd like the original version to be real.
A report for the Vatican by zildgulf · 2011-04-01 02:57 · Score: 1

Let's get the "man on the street" report at the Vatican about this shocking news:

A passer-by said this about Dan Brown, "Poor Dan is in a droop!" about this story
Another passer-by said about the Pope's fan boys about this news, "Won't lovers revolt now?"
I heard the Pope's cook said to the doctor, "Doc, note I dissent: a fast never prevents a fatness. I diet on cod.
The husband of Rowena, the Pope's fashion manager, said "A new order began, a more Roman age bred Rowena."
A Swiss Guard exclaimed "Draw, O coward!!!" due to a misunderstanding about my IPad.
The person that leaked this story told me, "Evil did I dwell; lewd I did live", as he was going to confession.
And a priest told me his secret to resisting temptation, "Lived on Decaf; faced no Devil!"

And that's the news, goodnight!
Releasing pornography? by plopez · 2011-04-01 03:07 · Score: 1

I guess they didn't look too close at some of the sculptures and painting the Vatican commissioned over the years.
Apple breasted Madonnas, naked cherubs, etc.
I guess the difference between pr0n and art is a few hundred years.

--
putting the 'B' in LGBTQ+
1. Re:Releasing pornography? by plopez · 2011-04-01 03:08 · Score: 1
  
  I meant to say "ample", but apple breasted works well too. Seeing how I am writing this on an Apple machine, it may have been some sort of Freudian slip.....
  *shudders*
  
  --
  putting the 'B' in LGBTQ+
2. Re:Releasing pornography? by KingAlanI · 2011-04-01 04:33 · Score: 1
  
  However, that which is sexually related can sometimes be used with class and artistic merit, sometimes not.
  BTW, I read 'apple' as a description of the female figures' size/shape.
  
  --
  I listen to both RIAA and non-RIAA stuff if I like the music, tangential business/politics nonwithstanding.
3. Re:Releasing pornography? by plopez · 2011-04-01 08:19 · Score: 1
  
  yeah, i tried to use "apple" as in apple sized breasts. But who am I kidding? I'm an apple fanboi.
  
  --
  putting the 'B' in LGBTQ+
4. Re:Releasing pornography? by KingAlanI · 2011-04-04 06:17 · Score: 1
  
  that describes quite the level of fanboyism - as powerful as sex. :P
  http://kotaku.com/#!5384643/i-kept-playing--the-costs-of-my-gaming-addiction refers to a sadly extreme example of this.
  P.S.
  What do you think of "However, that which is sexually related can sometimes be used with class and artistic merit, sometimes not.", by the way?
  
  --
  I listen to both RIAA and non-RIAA stuff if I like the music, tangential business/politics nonwithstanding.
Timing? by adavies42 · 2011-04-01 03:22 · Score: 1

The timestamp on TFA is March 31. Screwy CMS?

--
Media that can be recorded and distributed can be recorded and distributed.
-kfg
Formerly Clever. Now Just F*ckin' Tedious by RobotRunAmok · 2011-04-01 03:29 · Score: 1

I've been here long enough to remember when there were a few clever bits thrown in amongst the snark here on April 1.
But this... this... vatican porn... WTF? Tasteless AND Tedious, nice job. And a new low.
Taco, you guys make enough money on this site now, howzaboutmaybe you consider hiring some professional comedy writers once a year to script this site on April 1. Consider it a little give-back.
As it stands now, you're just driving readers away in hordes...
Lol, Internets by MacGyver2210 · 2011-04-01 03:34 · Score: 1

I love it. It's like a Vatican Fool's Day Mad Lib!

--
If the only way you can accept an assertion is by faith, then you are conceding that it can't be taken on its own merits
Re:Offensive by MysteriousPreacher · 2011-04-01 03:37 · Score: 1

Yeah, I thought it was pretty cool also.

--
-- Using the preview button since 2005
Re:Formerly Clever. Now Just F*ckin' Tedious by danguyf · 2011-04-01 04:10 · Score: 1

Yeah, this one is really offensive.
Nuclear is safe by coldsalmon · 2011-04-01 04:53 · Score: 1

Ignore TFA -- the radiation levels around the Fukushima plant are nowhere near Chernobyl levels. This is now an effective rebuttal to any slashdot post or comment.
In medieval Rome, the pope proscribes you! by cohomology · 2011-04-01 04:54 · Score: 1

my apology for propagating a silly meme

--
Don't mess with The Phone Company. Piss them off and you'll be using two tin cans and a piece of string.
April Fools!!! by rootrot · 2011-04-01 04:56 · Score: 1

Seems reasonably funny...
Re:Formerly Clever. Now Just F*ckin' Tedious by oldmac31310 · 2011-04-01 05:10 · Score: 1

Why?

--
http://www.acetonestudio.com
Fuzzum's law by Fuzzums · 2011-04-01 05:15 · Score: 1

Godwin's law applies, unless it's April 1st.
Then people will state the obvious, thereby losing the discussion, way before Godwin's law can be applied.

--
Privacy is terrorism.
Are any of the articles real today? by kyrio · 2011-04-01 05:48 · Score: 1

Does nothing happen in the news on the first of April?
Re:Formerly Clever. Now Just F*ckin' Tedious by FatLittleMonkey · 2011-04-01 05:55 · Score: 2

They're catholic. It's only funny when it's someone else's religion.

--
Science is all about firing a drunk pig out of a cannon just to see what happens.
Vulcan To Digitize Prohibited Archives ... by tomhudson · 2011-04-01 06:06 · Score: 1

There's so much free pr0n on teh Innert00bs that the Vatican's stash won't be any big deal. Most slashdotters probably have copies already.
The Vulcan prohibited archives, on the other hand ... that could start a whole new TV series - ST:TPA (Star Trek: The Prohibited Archives).
And the cast wouldn't have to worry about one of the leads ... speaking ... every ... word ... like ... its ... a ... separate ... sentence!
It could rank right up there with Spaceballs II - The Search for More Money.
Freudian Slip . . . by KenSeymour · 2011-04-01 06:19 · Score: 1

is when you mean one thing and you say your mother.

--
"We can't solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them." -- Albert Einstein
Re:Formerly Clever. Now Just F*ckin' Tedious by oldmac31310 · 2011-04-01 06:52 · Score: 1

Well...I was brought up Catholic (not any more!) and would see that as all the more reason to find it funny. The problem is, it's not really funny. Maybe that is why it is really offensive. I am offended by lame humour!

--
http://www.acetonestudio.com
Vatican pornography by wombatmobile · 2011-04-01 07:03 · Score: 2

I heard they have fantastic statues by old masters of girls with fingers in each other.
It makes sense. Before TV and the printing press, the only way to create pornography was through artisans.
Heh by Tolkien · 2011-04-01 07:17 · Score: 1

If this archive really existed it would be the one place that would definitively debunk Christianity as whole and in all its forms. Then of course, millions of people would voluntarily ignore anything that comes of it and life would go on unchanged, with people just as ignorant as before.

--
how is babby formed?
Achievements by YA_Python_dev · 2011-04-01 11:08 · Score: 1

I've read somewhere that commenting on an April's fool story gives an achievement.

--
There's a hidden treasure in Python 3.x: __prepare__()
1. Re:Achievements by DeVilla · 2011-04-01 15:40 · Score: 1
  
  Citation please? Well, ok. So did I, just a second ago, here
Re:Formerly Clever. Now Just F*ckin' Tedious by danguyf · 2011-04-01 14:24 · Score: 1

Yeah. It's lame and a total cheap shot.
Re:Formerly Clever. Now Just F*ckin' Tedious by oldmac31310 · 2011-04-01 15:43 · Score: 1

Hey, I have no problem with a humourous shot at the Vatican, or indeed the seat of any organized religion but when it's not funny...well, best not bother with it. Let's have some funny jokes. But thankfully April 1 is almost at an end and comedic efforts will now be resumed by people who are (supposed to be) better at it - and not on /. We can all breathe a sigh of relief and a good lungful of computer fan exhaust!

--
http://www.acetonestudio.com