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Microsoft Patent Aims To Curb Obnoxious Employee Behavior
theodp writes "GeekWire reports that a pending Microsoft patent for monitoring workplace behavior would do Dwight Schrute proud. Three Microsoft inventors propose curbing obnoxious workplace habits in an equally obnoxious fashion — using a computer device for monitoring and analyzing workers' interactions over video conferences, telephone, text messages and other forms of digital communication to look for patterns of negative and positive behavior, and assigning behavior scores to employees based on what the system finds. Bad behavior, Microsoft explains, might include wearing dark glasses in a video conference, wearing unacceptable clothing to a business meeting, cutting off others during conversation, prolonged monologues, and even how one nods one's head in agreement, shakes one's head indicating disagreement, and makes hand gestures."
The Borg Gates would have been more apt.
---- MISSING MISCELLANEOUS DATA SEGMENT --- [sigdash] trolololol
Sorry Microsoft but your patent has to be denied. I already patented having an annoying boss, if you persist with this you will be hearing from my lawyers.
So M$ is patenting being a dick? Well, they do have Balmer to prove their program theory works...
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing. Emo Philips
I usually put black and white paint on my face and put black metal clothing with lots of spines and an axe. I hope that's not included in the blacklist of obnoxious behaviours.
But how can they tell in a videoconference video if I'm not wearing any pants?
On another note, years ago I missed the annual staff meeting when I was out sick. One of the topics was dress code. I was called in to the director's office to hear that part as it was deemed important. When he got into specifics, he said, "no printed t-shirts with inappropriate expressions on them, no open-toed shoes, no thongs." I replied, "No thongs? But how can they tell?!" He thought for a minute, and once it clicked, his face turned white as a sheet as he burst out, "FLIP FLOPS! No Flip flops!"
It's funny to make a PHB turn white as a sheet...
Do not look into laser with remaining eye.
Cue the Big Brother - thoughcrimes comments.
So, really -- what's the point of this? PC enforcement? Social modeling? Productivity improvement? Lawsuit prevention?
If it isn't about productivity, it is probably a drag on the organization.
Pacifist paratroopers yell, "Ghandi!" when they jump.
Patent pending
that if anyone complains of my obnoxious behavior, I can cite them for violating Microsoft's patent claims. Microsoft, can I please get a license?
My blog
Flipping off the boss as he leaves the room, playing angry birds during the meeting, or putting the phone conference on mute and ignoring it completely while we talk about random crap is ok then? the detector is not flagging those.
Do not look at laser with remaining good eye.
So I guess I can't pantomime planting bombs or firing weapons anymore.
I've got a hand gesture for you!
Don't they have anything better to do?
I have one for you.
"Bad behavior, Microsoft explains, might include wearing dark glasses in a video conference, wearing unacceptable clothing to a business meeting, cutting off others during conversation, prolonged monologues, and even how one nods one's head in agreement, shakes one's head indicating disagreement, and makes hand gestures"
I suspect for many of those they have no clue how to implement it, yet they are already patenting it?
I do not believe in karma. "Funny"=-6. Do good and forbid evil. Yours, Oft-Offtopic Flamebaiting Troll.
bosses should not be calling on lunch / after work in less that that call needs to be done now now lunch maybe it's a real quick thing like I need X for customer Y and it can be done after lunch or it's after lunch go to Z. Now it's for some in the field then it's a little bit more ok to call.
If anyone notices bad behavior, there is no need for additional monitoring. But if noone notices it, there is no harm done. What's the point?
If this is generally applied to a workspace, I'm confident that the bosses will be the first to be red flagged! Maybe this can help reducing the amount of psychopathic leadership?
Like most famous inventions, the exact moment this invention happened has been very accurately recorded. It was exactly on the day a top sidekick of Ballmer decided to quit Microsoft to join Google. The CEO discovered the ballistic properties of office furniture and how effectively they can be projected to affect employee behavior and give feedback to the employees about the management's attitude towards them. But it was not a simple joy ride to the patent office. Much more serious development and testing took place. Tables were too heavy. Paperweights were too ineffectual. After a decade of hard work, the invention has paid off and now Microsoft has obtained a patent "for a tool that can give feedback to the employee about their actions and behavior which can also be sat upon to work when not used in that capacity."
sed -e 's/Chuck Norris/Rajnikant/g' joke > fact
Ok, call me old fashioned, but why on earth would you need to have a piece of software to pick up on inappropriate behaviour from employees? Isn't this what a line manager is supposed to be for?
Now, ok, some of the behaviours mentioned in TFS might be considered inappropriate; but even these are situational. In fact, I remember one day last summer, when I was on annual leave and got a call from the office asking me to drop in urgently, because a senior manager needed some advice in a hurry on an issue that only I knew about. I was up in town already when I got the call, so I was able to get into the office in about 15 minutes. I was casually dressed (jeans and a t-shirt - it was a hot day) and when I went into the meeting, I gave a monologue. That was, after all, the whole point of me being there. But was any of that inappropriate in the circumstances? Of course not. In fact, I got credit for going into the office on what should have been a day off. But this little office-spy routine they've got going here would have flagged me up for at least two violations.
I've had to deal with staff conduct issues before. It's never a pleasant experience, but if you want to do it properly, you have to be clear about the impacts that the behaviour has had. So, for example, "You were rude to colleague x in a meeting. I know that she was being difficult, but you didn't handle this well. As a result of this, we haven't agreed any of the actions that we needed to and we've put objectives a, b and c at risk. We'll also need to get somebody round to extract the traffic cone and see if we can lure the weasels back out of the ventilation ducts." Something like that.
I suppose I can see where an IT system like this does come in - as part of the "ass-covering" section of a formal disciplinary process. I can see the attraction for risk-averse employers (particularly in the public sector), where it might be considered useful to have a print-out saying "Employee Y was inappropriately dressed for meetings on the following dates..." during a tribunal process. But that's about bureaucracy and process - you only find yourself in that kind of situation once the relationship between employer and employee has actually broken down. It's not about actually improving conduct within the organisation in any meaningful way.
The Army may like meetings and PowerPoint too much, but at least everyone wore the same damn thing and swearing at each other was considered an art form.
If there is no God then free will is an illusion.
I certainly hope that they use this video to train the software.
So what about spitting on people (Gates) and throwing chairs (you know who)? And what about cursing?
Is it just me that thinks that corporate influence has turned everyone into automated drones and actually feels quite relieved when the person on the other end of the line seems human? When you can joke about their products, when they curse the system in front of you, when they basically say "Yeah, but the guy who dealt with you before was an idiot, sorry." even if it's just with a gesture?
My boss regularly rings one of our suppliers for goods and they often chit-chat among themselves - he often works himself out a good discount while he's there, but that's how he operates - and it makes them seem altogether more understanding when you DO have a real problem rather than someone following a flowchart. They're also much more likely to get our custom than some robot who can't be made to smile, budge on price, or anything else that doesn't toe the company line EVEN IF they are more expensive than others.
Security camera footage + Kinect technology + massive computational power and behavioral logic = "JETSON!!!!!"
So it's "bad behaviour" to wear dark glasses during a videoconference. Is it also "bad behaviour" to bring your guide-dog into the v/c, too?
A lot of these attributes seem to be culturally insensitive and would be prohibited in many workplaces as being discriminatory
politicians are like babies' nappies: they should both be changed regularly and for the same reasons
After all, if bad behavior can be so easily detected, Bill Gates and Steve Balmer would both be flagged - and having been flagged repeatedly, be the target of employee lawsuits for creating a toxic work environment. Bring it on!!!
I'd bet that a "FUCK WORK" t-shirt will probably be found inappropriate by just about everyone, even those who share the sentiment...
Come to think of it, just about anything at T-Shirt Hell would be inappropriate in a business meeting, especially if it involves clients or customers...
Do not look into laser with remaining eye.
"Bad behavior, Microsoft explains, might include wearing dark glasses in a video conference..."
So take that you badly behaved blind person!
----------------------------------- My Other Sig Is Hilarious -----------------------------------
The annoying hard selling of unnecessary softwares/licenses, too?
Oh, not that annoying behavior.
Imagination drew in bold strokes, instantly serving hopes and fears, while knowledge advanced by slow increments...
Should your own employer use similar methods, then you can take revenge by ratting them out to Microsoft, who can then either sue your employer for patent infringement, or forbid them altogether to use methods infringing on this patent.
Oh, sure, discriminate against the Italians.
um ... I'd make a hand gesture now, but it's hard to do while typing. It's much easier over video conferences.
Build it, and they will come^Hplain.
1) United States Vs. Microsoft. 2) Gates Deposition Greatest Hits.
I for one would be happy to have a system that could detect the bozos who call into meetings, never say a word, and don't mute their phone. I can do without the loud breathers, dogs barking, kids yelling, typing, static, etc. I don't feel like I should be the mute-police, and the people running the meetings (at least at my company) rarely say anything. A little common courtesy would solve the problem, but an automated system is probably a much more realistic solution.
And if this particular crime isn't listed in the patent, then consider this prior art that I am contributing to the public domain in hopes of serving the greater good.
This is a perfect disguise for getting patents on human behavior.
Having to work for a living is the root of all evil.
Or employee who came in after getting their eyes dilated.
A patent on a device that tells you how to dress, how to talk, and how to carry yourself in public? I already have one.
I'm married.
I guess when a blind person wears dark glasses, he is exhibiting obnoxious behavior.
Microsoft patenting obnoxious employee behaviour? Aren't they their own prior art?
'The tyrant will always find pretext for his tyranny.' - Aesop's Fables
...I could see the appeal of something like this. I have had to work with some incredible assholes in my time, and it's a situation that puts incredible stress on people in the workplace. We hired one guy who made everyone completely miserable with his confrontational, in-your-face style, and no one knew how to deal with him because we were all introverted geeks. It took months to get him fired because it was so hard to articulate what exactly his offenses were beyond simply, "He's an in-your-face jerk."
I could see this software being useful in a very limited scope for situations just like this. It's like software for monitoring browsing habits in the workplace... good managers use it sparingly when there's an employee underperforming who always seems to be checking his email, bad management uses it to squeeze every last little bit of productivity out of its workers.
The same principle of judicious use applies here. Management can use it to solve some special cases, or they can go Big Brother with it and make everyone miserable.
i ~ Celebrating Science, Cyberspace, Speculation
This is not as simple as this. If we could accept wearing shorts, short sleeve shirts and sandals to business meetings in hot weather we could save a lot of energy on air conditioning, dry-cleaning, ironing, transportation, etc. And by this we would prevent global warming, catastrophic climate change, hurricanes, earthquakes, etc.
Why only suits and ties, the clothing of 19th century British peasants, is supposed to be acceptable?
This reminds me ever so much of the *great* grammar checker in the old Microsoft Word. So now not only do they want to homogenize English writing styles, they also want to extract all the humanity from social interaction. So glad I'm retired at this point.
Really, who ever granted this patent should be fired.
OK, while staring at my laptop camera, wearing my Sun Glasses, I shake my grinning head left to right. But my left hand signs, "Your Number One". m$, you don't have the balls to bill me.
Apologies to Corey Hart.
done a study of how the ever increasing monitoring and scrutiny of employees in the workplace impacts their mental well-being? It's one thing to have security cameras watching over a store, but to have every aspect of your behavior put under a microscope and scrutinized would be stressful as hell. I remember there was an article about how in Japan some company was trying to use facial recognition software to track how much employees were smiling, and to report how much of a "happy" demeanor they presented.
Maybe just being human and having person to person contact in a company goes against the new ideas of workplace behavior. Perhaps the boss will give you happy pills to keep you from going nuts and shooting up the place if you snap. Gotta be a happy worker number 4653873...
Doesn't even exist, and already I've flunked this test.
I hate them all.
deleting the extra space after periods so i can stay relevant, yeah.
The poor faggots don't know what a wife is.
Still waiting on Serviscope_minor to wake up to fucking reality and realize that Jessica Price isn't going to fuck him.
Have gnu, will travel.
If that goes into effect Steve Ballmer is gone gone gone, I know, it's probably been said a dozen times in the previous 34 post =)
"If any question why we died, Tell them because our fathers lied."
You insensitive fuck clod! I suffer from shit Tourette Syndrome!
Have gnu, will travel.
I think they've got bigger things than just "Linux" to worry about right now. How long before the house of cards falls?
The soylentnews experiment has been a dismal failure.
I was thinking of something else a horse has; is m$ going to bill me for this?
Or worse yet, someone who finally sees m$ for what it is?
I have a feeling that our development group would engage in a competition to see who could get the highest/lowest score.
Jesus told him, "I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one can come to the Father except through me. - John 14:6 NLT
It looks like the time portal happened and one of the twonky engineers from the future is now working at Microsoft.
They made me put a comment in here. Seems they wanted a graphic to accompany my opinion. So...
.I
IIII;
'II
It will kill all slashdot traffic!
Let's not forget about the obnoxious deaf person with all of those hand gestures!
More like Logan's Run. I have been Michael's number two guy for about 5 years. And we make a great team. We're like one of those classic famous teams. He's like Mozart and I'm like... Mozart's friend. No. I'm like Butch Cassidy and Michael is like... Mozart. You try and hurt Mozart? You're gonna get a bullet in your head courtesy of Butch Cassidy. - Dwight Schrute
http://tinyurl.com/4ny52
Someone please quickly develop something that implements this. I need to use it to influence the behavior of the used car salesmen that Good hires to push their product.
.
Either that or Congress will just change things so that I, as a non-corporate citizen, can no longer patent stupid things and waste my money doing so. They will probably sell the bill as something to help me save money (patent fees go away), then those funds (equivalent tax on savings accounts) to be directly invested in said obnoxious Corporations (forced retirement stock plans) , and give that bill a really lame and deceptive acronym for a name.
The smart money would be on #2.
Seriously? Its not a difficult issue to deal with.
You're fired
Its really not difficult and there are people standing in line to take that persons place.
Why is it that the more technology we get, the more we try to replace simple tried and true methods with ridiculously complex and pointless exercises in futility?
Persistent Volume manager for Kubernetes - https://github.com/dwimsey/openshift-pvmanager
Ding.
Exactly.
You deal with obnoxious employees by simply firing them. Replace them with something that isn't obnoxious, another person, or better still, a robot.
Persistent Volume manager for Kubernetes - https://github.com/dwimsey/openshift-pvmanager
Just think, we little rewards and punishments we can mold these consumers into whatever we want, and we can get their employers to foot the bill for the projects. Awesome.
...that's one way to get rid of Ballmer.
Lets see, everyone under scrutiny full time, micro-management of even unconscious mannerisms. I'm SURE I've heard of that!
AHHHH, yes, it's a sign that the organization you're in is a cult.
What employees? It's not the employees who need this BS. It's our public servants, our current officials who need their obnoxious behavior curbed.
Lies Cons and Fraud? Better point this tech at the government. They're just making shit up as they go along. They don't need to be curbed they need to be arrested for breech of citizen trust.
Pepper spray old ladies and kids, arresting them, but not these banksters?!
It's okay to raid medical marijuana dispensaries, but never to remove Eric Holder from power, until fast and furious is sorted?!
This is nothing but more BS from the minds of eugenicists, it's public reaction training for their future global enslavement.
All the geniuses on slashdot will be singing a new tune pretty soon, once their bank and financial numbers become clear.
No Microsoft, the criminals are off the leashes and running in packs, they have become feral and infected with rabies, a menace to society, the only way to clean up is with the dog catcher. The only thing your tech is good for is maintaining a slave society run by the corrupt corporate elite for the elite (those feral dead-enders with rabies who are off the leash and running in packs completely unchecked.)
What will this tech do about banks who steal by cooking the books? Draining accounts? That's right crickets.
I mean this sounds pretty good. Do you really think you have work place privacy anyway? There is plenty of psychological data to show that managers are more obnoxious than underlings. Personally, I'm pretty agreeable and don't seek interaction with others anyway. I would love it if my boss didn't bother me during off hours for stupid reasons. I now want to work for Microsoft.
Democracy Now! - your daily, uncensored, corporate-free
I actually LIKE seeing colleagues and my reports being open and individual. The last thing I want from anyone I have to deal with, especially at work, is even more fake PeeCee veneer and corporate doublespeak.
I prefer they wear what they like to meetings as they are more relaxed and focussed on the real issues, not totally irrelevant crap. Furthermore I judge people on their performance not their appearance.
When I applied for the job I currently hold, the senior network admin, now my boss, was wearing an "RTFM" t-shirt under an open flannel shirt. I knew this would be a good place to work right then and there (and for the most part, I was right).
MCSE? No, sir...I don't do Windows. Yes, I am an idealist. What's your point?
Let's hope the "mental process" test gets upheld as a basis for denying patents. Because no manager has ever rated someone down on an evaluation for wearing inappropriate clothes or being rude in meetings before.
"I'm too busy to research this and form an educated opinion, but I do have time to tell everyone my uninformed opinion."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RzToNo7A-94
Let me explain how it works in MSFT.
There are these things called "commitments" that you write once per year, and which are used to gauge your performance after the year passes. Those are usually inane as it is, but particularly so for higher-ranked people, as they have to "align" them with their managers' commitments etc.
Now, one thing that is not unpopular for mid-level management to pledge is that their division or product unit submits a certain number of patent applications. Once the pledge is there, they will pester their underlings to procure the needed amount of patents, which goes all the way down the ladder. Since you can't easily invent something actually worthwhile just like that, people have to come up with something silly, just so long as patent lawyers okay it as a patentable idea - all you need is to match the expected count, quality doesn't matter.
In this case, it looks like someone - probably an engineer at the bottom of the ladder - was really pissed off at the whole process (can't blame him), and tried to vent his frustration in this way. I bet he laughed real hard when legal approved his application.
I don't find "RTFM" to be on the same level. My wife's school's unofficial motto was "IHTFP", which could sort of fall into that same category, but has much more personal significance.
Do not look into laser with remaining eye.
I don't find "RTFM" to be on the same level. My wife's school's unofficial motto was "IHTFP", which could sort of fall into that same category, but has much more personal significance.
Oh, no...I agree. I wasn't arguing with your point above (many apologies, if it sounded like I was!) so much as describing an example of how corporate culture can be a highly variable thing. In my case, the corporate culture was very laid back, and it has made for an enjoyable work place.
MCSE? No, sir...I don't do Windows. Yes, I am an idealist. What's your point?
You do have the ability to 'not answer the phone' you realize, right?
You say: 'I was taking a shit, you should have left a useful message so I'd know if I should call you back'
Persistent Volume manager for Kubernetes - https://github.com/dwimsey/openshift-pvmanager
Actually, its not.
That sort of thing indicates a high level of arrogance and lack of understanding of the users of the network. People who wear clothing like that tend to think of themselves as being above and better than the people they work for, and tend to forget the reason they actually have a job.
In my limited experience, those kind of assholes are the exact worse ones to work for as you're unlikely to gain skills and knowledge from them, just learn how to be more of an ignorant dick to everyone you think is as good as you.
Persistent Volume manager for Kubernetes - https://github.com/dwimsey/openshift-pvmanager
Once you could lay claim to being hot snot on a silver platter but now that you've descended into full on troll, you're just a cold booger on a paper plate.
The soylentnews experiment has been a dismal failure.
*nod*
I worked at a fairly laid-back place once, and I've seen my current employer go through bouts of relaxed rules versus stringent rules. The former place went out of business though, and the current place can't go out of business because of what its purpose is and how it's funded.
I'm okay with even fairly stringent dresscodes as long as the people I'm working with are good, capable, competent people. So often I work with so many idiots though that it's hard to care to dress to impress when they don't impress me regardless of how they dress.
Do not look into laser with remaining eye.
Allow me to laugh at you and your pathetic self BWA HA HA HA HA HA... I have provided links showing millions of dollars and thousands upon thousands of users RUNNING AWAY from your "operating system" and what can you do? what can you say? 'I don't like you you you you...stinky poo poo head!" I have showed your security is a joke, your a rotting corpse in retail, but you be sure to say some nasty names while you jerk off to a bash script. hell I bet you can't even get it up without looking at a picture of RMS, ha ha ha ha ha!
Now go wrap yourself in your tux blankie while the real men have a conversation, okay little girl? you are championing a system that can't even beat a 5 year old Java based POS. hell I wouldn't be surprised if Win2K and Win98 still have more users than you, now go compile something bitch.
ACs don't waste your time replying, your posts are never seen by me.
Apparently if I worked (that god i don't) i'd have to get a robot to do my crap, because I'm a bit bad with social cues, I'd wear dark sunglasses to a meeting (because i'm probably going to sleep during it), and fuck ya i'm obnoxious.
But seriously, wtf? Is it about patenting things you want to do, or about patenting every possible action under the sun so you can charge people to do, well, everything?
Be seeing you...
You're finally cracking up hairyfeet/apk. Now you're to the point of replying to yourself.
The soylentnews experiment has been a dismal failure.
APK, both you and your alterego have been answered numerous times and you just obliviously come back with the same arguments with the words in a slightly different order. Trying to educate you is literally pissing in the wind so the only thing left to do is to heap scorn and derision. You are pathetic. You hairyfeet you and hairyfeet ahairypfeetk whatever you want to call yourself.
The soylentnews experiment has been a dismal failure.
So glad I'm not qualified to work there. Its why, with their gazillion dollars they consistently produce POS product.
A system like that would be very quickly discontinued in any corporation that would actually be using it. Because most of the people whose behaviour is obnoxious are those in leadership positions. It usually gets worse the further you get up the chain, until it stops with the top management where the curve often (but not always) takes a dive (i.e. they actual top dogs often don't behave obnoxious).
The reason is that "obnoxious" is a very subjective definition. Much of what we consider obnoxious is displays of power (interrupting people) that are used intentionally or more often subconscious by those who deem themselves more powerful and need to state it without saying it outright. In other words, managers.
The higher you get up the food chain, the thinner the air gets and the more fierce the competition. Until the very top, which usually behaves very differently because they don't have competition anymore. If they're actually the top - the C*Os of a largely independent company behave very differently from the C*Os of a company that's a part of a larger corporation.
Yes, I've dealt with all levels of management. I could witness their behaviour because I was in a special position that put me outside the chain of command (even the CEO couldn't give me orders nor fire me, but neither could I to him or anyone else).
If you are interested at all in psychology and social sciences, watching leadership of various levels interact with each other and those of different levels in the hierarchy is extremely fascinating. And one of the things you learn is that a lot of behaviour is context-dependent - whether or not we consider it acceptable depends a lot on who does it to whom in what setting.
Assorted stuff I do sometimes: Lemuria.org
So now Microsoft is going to dictate how we behave? How long before someone creates an interface that sends electric shocks out and zaps you for talking too much? And what happens when the software screws up and starts zapping folks for all sorts of weird reasons?
Ya know, that is pretty damned sad when you are so hard up to prove your failure isn't a heap of fail that you have to accuse others of being the same. old APK has been on CNet since the 1990s, and probably been on /. just as long and I had never even heard of this place since I quit using OS/2 as my main system in 01.
Want to know what is pathetic? I gave link after link and ALL you can do is "Its a M$ conspiracy you..you you dirty poo poo head!" I have shown OEMS don't want your shit, i've shown USERS don't want your shit, and I've shown that your numbers are worse than a 7 year old Java crap cell phone OS that is sold at Fred's on $8 phones.
But you go ahead and accuse me of being APK or twitter or hell john Holmes, since you do seem to slobber at my large man meat so...LOL!
ACs don't waste your time replying, your posts are never seen by me.
Want to know what is pathetic?
The fact that every word of every one of your posts is the product of the mind of a presumably grown man. I flush turds that are smarter than you down the toilet everyday. You have had your "arguments" answered many times by people who have much better thing to do than educate mental midgets like you. Mysteriously when you are given logical reasonable rebuttals to your bullshit you go MIA only to resurface with the same bullshit a few days later. You are like the intelligent design loonies that insist on stupidity like irreducible complexity despite being shown the errors in their thought many times over. Eventually people like you come to be seen as the cranks and frauds you are. I can't have a serious debate with a joke like you or APK for as soon as your arguments are impaled by truth you run and hide. You are a coward only fit to make fun of not seriously discuss anything with. Try not to be aa complete ass for a month and I will try to take you seriously enough to debate with.
The soylentnews experiment has been a dismal failure.
are often best employees - most knowledgeable in the field or most hardworking or with huge experience. Only they can get away with obnoxious behavior, other would be get rid off or ostracized. Every person with habit of interrupting I knew was expert and generally very smart.
morganaux wrote :-
"Gates, realizing he is old, is furiously working on some of his karma debt before he dies"
Indeed, well expressed.
I hope you don't mind me quoting that in future when people tell me Gates is a great guy for giving money to charity, when he has so much that it would physically impossible to spend it all on himself in his lifetime. He is just doing what Carnegie, Nobel and other similar rich bar stewards did.