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Microsoft Patent Aims To Curb Obnoxious Employee Behavior

theodp writes "GeekWire reports that a pending Microsoft patent for monitoring workplace behavior would do Dwight Schrute proud. Three Microsoft inventors propose curbing obnoxious workplace habits in an equally obnoxious fashion — using a computer device for monitoring and analyzing workers' interactions over video conferences, telephone, text messages and other forms of digital communication to look for patterns of negative and positive behavior, and assigning behavior scores to employees based on what the system finds. Bad behavior, Microsoft explains, might include wearing dark glasses in a video conference, wearing unacceptable clothing to a business meeting, cutting off others during conversation, prolonged monologues, and even how one nods one's head in agreement, shakes one's head indicating disagreement, and makes hand gestures."

201 of 312 comments (clear)

  1. wrong logo by marcello_dl · · Score: 5, Insightful

    The Borg Gates would have been more apt.

    --
    ---- MISSING MISCELLANEOUS DATA SEGMENT --- [sigdash] trolololol
    1. Re:wrong logo by TWX · · Score: 5, Funny

      He doesn't really work there anymore...

      The world turned upside-down when dearly-beloved Steve Jobs started locking down hardware to prevent any non-Apple-Approved changes, and Kommissar Gates went to Africa to kill disease-carrying mosquitoes...

      (with apologies to Jon Stewart)

      --
      Do not look into laser with remaining eye.
    2. Re:wrong logo by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Funny

      The Borg Gates would have been more apt.

      Your reply has been deemed obnoxious by our scanning software.

      -Microsoft.

    3. Re:wrong logo by morgauxo · · Score: 5, Insightful

      Hardly! Apple never really played nice with it's hardware. IBM & compatibles are comparatively very open, anybody can build accessories and even full 'clones'. Not that we even use the term clones anymore. And what do most of them run for software? Microsoft Windows.

      Little has really changed. Apple is still the most closed choice in computing. Microsoft does some really bad things but is still much more open than Apple. All that's happened is Jobs died and Gates, realizing he is old is furiously working on some of his karma debt before he dies too.

    4. Re:wrong logo by JASegler · · Score: 3, Informative

      He is the Chairman of the Board and was representing the company during the annual shareholders meeting.
      That doesn't fit the whole he doesn't really work there anymore statement.

      When he isn't on the board and isn't representing the company at the shareholders meetings I'll believe he doesn't work there anymore.

    5. Re:wrong logo by Penguinisto · · Score: 1, Flamebait

      Apple is still the most closed choice in computing.

      Depends on what angle you view it from:

      Hardware? Yeah, Apple's a stickler, though Hackintoshing is not all that hard to do, as long as you do your homework first. Microsoft doesn't sell PC hardware, so it's kind of a non-comparison.

      Software? I beg to differ, greatly.

      Until you can show me where I can download the Windows kernel/core source code without signing an NDA or paying a huge bucket of money? Microsoft is still king of the closed-source software, and since they are primarily a software company, they're still the most closed.

      --
      Quo usque tandem abutere, Nimbus, patientia nostra?
    6. Re:wrong logo by sjames · · Score: 2

      Actually wayyyyyy back when Wozniak had influence there, they published complete schematics and source code. The transition to the current model was more or less when you needed special tools to even open a Mac.

    7. Re:wrong logo by john.r.strohm · · Score: 1

      Back when the Apple II was state of the art, the official Apple II user's manual contained, among other things, full schematics *AND* everything a third party developer needed to know to build boards that would plug into the Apple II slots.

      In an interview several years later, after he'd left Apple, Steve Wozniak expressed considerable dismay over the switch to closed hardware and no hardware documentation at Apple.

    8. Re:wrong logo by BitZtream · · Score: 1

      Let me give you a little hint, IBM never played nice either, they just got out smarted and ripped off by Gates and some PC clone makers who found a way to get by with it.

      Its so sad that you think they are different, when in fact the only difference is that IBM and MS weren't as good at it as Apple is.

      And lets be realistic, if Gates was working on Karma, he'd not be the second richest person IN THE KNOWN UNIVERSE.

      I leave pennies in the jar for crippled kids at the register too, I don't call myself a charitable person because the money I'm giving away is more of an annoyance than anything else.

      --
      Persistent Volume manager for Kubernetes - https://github.com/dwimsey/openshift-pvmanager
    9. Re:wrong logo by BitZtream · · Score: 2

      Show me where you can download the kernel source to OS X 10.6 or 10.7, hell, I'll take 10.5 for that matter.

      The kernel hasn't been open in years ... because people used it to make hackint0sh's ... imagine that ... Apple stopped being so open with their source after people decided to just steal from them instead, can't blame them for stopping but lets be clear, the kernel isn't open source anymore.

      --
      Persistent Volume manager for Kubernetes - https://github.com/dwimsey/openshift-pvmanager
    10. Re:wrong logo by BitZtream · · Score: 1, Insightful

      Both full schematics and manuals for the expansion slots would be less than useful now days.

      You aren't going to be fixing traces on a 6-8 layer motherboard so the schematics are less than useful.

      You also are unlikely to be building PCI interface cards based on a manual that came with your desktop PC.

      Apple doesn't make tinker toys for Linux fans to play with. They make desktop PCs for non-nerd users. Doing what you want them to do would be wasteful in multitudes of ways. They aren't making nerd machines anymore, they make people machines.

      --
      Persistent Volume manager for Kubernetes - https://github.com/dwimsey/openshift-pvmanager
    11. Re:wrong logo by Austerity+Empowers · · Score: 1

      I think it's unfair to say they were "stealing". Apple's license agreement forbid doing what people wanted to do. Many people bought the OS X for their Hackintosh even if the image that they ran was downloaded b/c it was hard to do.

    12. Re:wrong logo by morgauxo · · Score: 1

      Accessing the kernel source is hardly the only definition of openness. Although... there is an expensive licensing procedure to get access to Windows source although you aren't supposed to compile it. Apple's OS can only be ran on Apple hardware. Yes, you can hack it onto other hardware but that isn't something they allow in their user agreement. Microsoft on the other hand would love to see you purchase a copy of Windows for each and every device you can get it to run on. Next.. show me how you can write an app for an iOS device without paying Apple for the privilege. Then, how can you distribute it w/o Apple's blessing. Now OSX is getting an app store too... I wonder how long before it is the only way to install on OSX... Yes, there are options, Hackintosh, Jailbreak and Cydia but those require breaking Apple's user agreements AND Apple is constantly trying to plug the holes that one uses to access these methods.

    13. Re:wrong logo by morgauxo · · Score: 1

      If someone buys and pays for OSX and uses it how is that stealing? So they didn't pay Apple for the hardware. So what? They didn't get hardware from Apple.

    14. Re:wrong logo by morgauxo · · Score: 1

      Oh, ok. So Gates is doing those things because the money annoys him. Thanks for clearing that up!

    15. Re:wrong logo by morgauxo · · Score: 1

      I don't think anybody really expects that. He was just pointing out the change in Apple's culture over the years and what Woz thought of it.

    16. Re:wrong logo by morgauxo · · Score: 1

      Hmm.. for someone who talks about tinker toys for linux users...

      Who cares about Mach and some BSD stuff underlying OSX? Only someone who wants to make a real effort to make their Mac more Linux/Unix like. It's not like you can just take some open source Li/Unix application, set Mac as the target platform, recompile and have a ready to use or distribute Macintosh application. Coco is not X-Windows. Yes, there is a bash shell under there. Yay, I could run pine natively!

      A modern Unix/Linux application usually uses Qt or GTK. Usually the same source code can be recompiled with a few different flags and you get a Windows executable. Yes, recompiling is a geek thing. So what? It only takes one geek. What you actually get is somebody releases a Windows installer exe that takes care of everything for all those non-geek users.

  2. Too late Microsoft by Dyinobal · · Score: 5, Funny

    Sorry Microsoft but your patent has to be denied. I already patented having an annoying boss, if you persist with this you will be hearing from my lawyers.

    1. Re:Too late Microsoft by ackthpt · · Score: 4, Funny

      Sorry Microsoft but your patent has to be denied. I already patented having an annoying boss, if you persist with this you will be hearing from my lawyers.

      They're claiming a patent on firing employees for insubordination. Dang. I knew I should have filed for that one.

      --

      A feeling of having made the same mistake before: Deja Foobar
    2. Re:Too late Microsoft by Tsingi · · Score: 5, Funny

      I tried to patent "The beatings will continue until morale improves." But Microsoft beat me to it.

    3. Re:Too late Microsoft by Stewie241 · · Score: 2

      Ahhh, but they are doing it in a new and novel way.

      This is a patent of being annoying using the Internet.

    4. Re:Too late Microsoft by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1

      This is a patent of being annoying using the Internet.

      I think, I got prior art on that one...

    5. Re:Too late Microsoft by P-niiice · · Score: 1

      but does it use the internet

    6. Re:Too late Microsoft by Archangel+Michael · · Score: 1

      That's great. But I still was able to use "on a smart phone" for my patent.

      --
      Agent K: A *person* is smart. People are dumb, stupid, panicky animals, and you know it.
    7. Re:Too late Microsoft by almitydave · · Score: 1

      No, Microsoft's is a new and novel invention, specifically a software system stored on a computer-readable medium to do that thing you described. See?? Totally different!

      --
      my, your, his/her/its, our, your, their
      I'm, you're, he's/she's/it's, we're, you're, they're
  3. So... Balmer... by Sfing_ter · · Score: 4, Funny

    So M$ is patenting being a dick? Well, they do have Balmer to prove their program theory works...

    --
    A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing. Emo Philips
    1. Re:So... Balmer... by oakgrove · · Score: 3, Insightful

      Why doesn't Microsoft patent a way to curb their own obnoxious patent bullying?

      --
      The soylentnews experiment has been a dismal failure.
    2. Re:So... Balmer... by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 2, Funny

      So M$ is patenting being a dick? Well, they do have Balmer to prove their program theory works...

      They are patenting a mechanism that uses AI to detect when you are behaving like a dick. Hook this thing up to a electric shocker built into to a collar fitted around every employee's neck and the possibilities are endless. Every time you criticize management, badmouth some oligarch, gaze too long in the general direction of a female coworker's posterior or simply engage in a combination of seemingly unrelated behaviors that trigger a match in this gizmo and tzzzzzzzzzt.........

    3. Re:So... Balmer... by Enter+the+Shoggoth · · Score: 2

      So M$ is patenting being a dick? Well, they do have Balmer to prove their program theory works...

      They are patenting a mechanism that uses AI to detect when you are behaving like a dick. Hook this thing up to a electric shocker built into to a collar fitted around every employee's neck and the possibilities are endless. Every time you criticize management, badmouth some oligarch, gaze too long in the general direction of a female coworker's posterior or simply engage in a combination of seemingly unrelated behaviors that trigger a match in this gizmo and tzzzzzzzzzt.........

      Microsoft already did this years ago...

      --
      Andy Warhol got it right / Everybody gets the limelight
      Andy Warhol got it wrong / Fifteen minutes is too long.
    4. Re:So... Balmer... by Jonner · · Score: 1

      Indeed, this is one patent that I hope MS vigorously defends.

  4. Hope it doesn't affect me. by impaledsunset · · Score: 2

    I usually put black and white paint on my face and put black metal clothing with lots of spines and an axe. I hope that's not included in the blacklist of obnoxious behaviours.

    1. Re:Hope it doesn't affect me. by TWX · · Score: 5, Funny

      Only if the face is all black except for a little bit of white around the mouth... That could get you sent to sensitivity training...

      --
      Do not look into laser with remaining eye.
    2. Re:Hope it doesn't affect me. by dkleinsc · · Score: 5, Funny

      I didn't realize Gene Simmons posted on Slashdot.

      --
      I am officially gone from /. Long live http://www.soylentnews.com/
    3. Re:Hope it doesn't affect me. by mlts · · Score: 1

      Depends on what type of sysadmin you are. I'd expect a proper corpsepaint application on the AIX and some of the BSD guys. The Windows admins, it just doesn't fit at all. The Linux guys, might get away with it, depending on their administration philosophy.

      Other items, it depends. It does require black magic to get some networks working and keep them up, so seeing corpsepaint on the Cisco guys wouldn't be too out of the question.

    4. Re:Hope it doesn't affect me. by Anomalyst · · Score: 1

      Only if the face is all black except for a little bit of white around the mouth... That could get you sent to sensitivity training...

      Why? Is there some kind of unreported anesthetic quality to blackface?

      --
      There is no right to feel safe thru security vaudeville at the expense of everyone's freedom, privacy and tax money.
    5. Re:Hope it doesn't affect me. by Archangel+Michael · · Score: 1

      Oakland Raider Fan?

      --
      Agent K: A *person* is smart. People are dumb, stupid, panicky animals, and you know it.
    6. Re:Hope it doesn't affect me. by umeboshi · · Score: 1

      While I know you are just being funny, you might also like to know that such sensitivity training is being pursued for people way down here in the deep south.

      http://www.hattiesburgamerican.com/article/20111114/NEWS01/111114016/-1/7daysarchives/Southern-Miss-students-sorority-probation-after-blackface-incident

      There are other articles that explain the sensitivity and cultural education sanctions against these students, the story is starting to get too old to browse as easily as last week, so I only post a single link.

      While I indeed thought that you made a good "Funny", I thought that you might also like to know that these things do actually occur and that some people do actually face the threat of "sensitivity training" for painting the face. I don't think that these students took the time to add the little white parts around the mouth, but I can't be certain, as the news media here doesn't seem to be revealing any photographic evidence.

    7. Re:Hope it doesn't affect me. by Penguinisto · · Score: 3, Funny

      Hell, at a previous job, we used to have a rubber chicken hanging (via a proper hangman's noose made of scrap cat5 cable) from a cable tray in the main server room. Stayed there for nearly a year until the Head of IT finally arsed himself to walk into the place. He went predictably ballistic, but the week after we took it down, we started seeing a large group of drive failures in the SAN that the thing hung next to.

      Speaking of the original article, I wonder what they would use to detect a refrigerator hidden in an unused rack? It had an old tape library fascia taped to the inside of the mesh door, and a shelf immediately above it as camouflage. We kept our lunches in there after a rash of food thefts from the main employee fridges.

      --
      Quo usque tandem abutere, Nimbus, patientia nostra?
    8. Re:Hope it doesn't affect me. by mlts · · Score: 1

      Only thing I can think of that can detect a fridge would be a watt meter monitoring all PDU output, so someone who is familiar with signatures of electrical appliances might be able to find the plug the fridge is in, then follow it back. The dorm fridge is a must have -- I've seen them placed inside unused Sun-3 enclosures, mounted in the wall, under the raised floor (one location had a 'pit' where the raised floor was about 3-4 feet above the actual foundation in one place, so the refrigerator nestled perfectly out of sight.)

    9. Re:Hope it doesn't affect me. by TWX · · Score: 1

      I finally had a chance to read the article you posted. It looks like they're not being completely stupid about it, as while they're now on probation, they haven't been actually suspended or kicked out of the sorority, and the requirements put upon them to return themselves to good standing seem mostly educational, not punitive. In short, I think that the punishment matches the crime, as described in the article.

      Why one paints one's face is very important in this issue- if one is simply ignorant of the history of why blackface is bad, especially in its intentional caricatures of black people to degrade them and to attempt to force them into only certain places in society, then it's a fairly minor matter. If one is aware of what blackface stood for and did and still chooses to engage in it for those reasons then I really don't have a problem with any organization choosing to exclude those who participate in blackface from also participating in that organization. I don't care if the organization is a sorority, fraternity, employer, non-post-secondary-fraternal organization, club, or anything else.

      --
      Do not look into laser with remaining eye.
  5. But how can they tell? by TWX · · Score: 5, Funny

    "...using a computer device for monitoring and analyzing workers' interactions over video conferences ... Bad behavior, Microsoft explains ... wearing unacceptable clothing to a business meeting..."

    But how can they tell in a videoconference video if I'm not wearing any pants?

    On another note, years ago I missed the annual staff meeting when I was out sick. One of the topics was dress code. I was called in to the director's office to hear that part as it was deemed important. When he got into specifics, he said, "no printed t-shirts with inappropriate expressions on them, no open-toed shoes, no thongs." I replied, "No thongs? But how can they tell?!" He thought for a minute, and once it clicked, his face turned white as a sheet as he burst out, "FLIP FLOPS! No Flip flops!"

    It's funny to make a PHB turn white as a sheet...

    --
    Do not look into laser with remaining eye.
    1. Re:But how can they tell? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Funny

      There's this fit female coworker who wears g-strings and low waist trousers. Sometimes you can see the string over her trouser when she bends to pick up something from the floor. Nobody has complained............

    2. Re:But how can they tell? by kryliss · · Score: 3, Insightful

      The only ones that ever complain about something like that are the fat girls out of jealousy.

      --
      --- If the bible proves the existence of God, then Superman comics prove the existence of Superman.
    3. Re:But how can they tell? by TWX · · Score: 5, Interesting

      I once saw another incident. A lady of probably 35 years was, for some reason, kneeling on her guest's chair at her own desk while talking on the phone. Her whale-tail was sticking up well above her pants. I looked at the other lady in the office, probably in her mid sixties, and once I had her attention, pointed at the whale-tail. She got up, walked over to the woman on the phone, grabbed the whale-tail, yanked it back about six inches, and snapped it against the woman's lower back. The younger woman immediately reacted by thrusting her lower body forward, got an incredulous look on her face turning beet red, and concluded her phone call quickly and left the room.

      I was agog. After the victim left, I said to the lady, "You're the only person in this office who could get away with that!" to which she replied with a smile, "I know!"

      --
      Do not look into laser with remaining eye.
    4. Re:But how can they tell? by Canazza · · Score: 2

      Aussies have Thongs on their feet, Americans have Fanny packs on their waist. Both are major clothing malfunctions in the UK.

      --
      It pays to be obvious, especially if you have a reputation for being subtle.
    5. Re:But how can they tell? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1

      Fanny packs are major clothing malfunctions, period, no matter what sort of fanny pack you're talking about. That is universal.

    6. Re:But how can they tell? by gl4ss · · Score: 1

      But how can they tell in a videoconference video if I'm not wearing any pants?

      by the way you smile, obviously.

      --
      world was created 5 seconds before this post as it is.
    7. Re:But how can they tell? by Applekid · · Score: 1

      Do they also throw objects on the ground in front of her?

      --
      More Twoson than Cupertino
    8. Re:But how can they tell? by stephanruby · · Score: 1

      ...text messages [...] wearing unacceptable clothing to a business meeting, cutting off others during conversation, prolonged monologues, and even how one nods one's head in agreement, shakes one's head indicating disagreement, and makes hand gestures."

      How can they tell I'm doing all these things through text messaging? Are the tattle-tells going to use sms to tell on me?

      They don't like "prolonged monologues", but they also don't like others "to cut them off"?

      wearing dark glasses in a video conference..., makes hand gestures.

      The sight-impaired, the hearing-impaired, and the Italians are going to have a field day with this one.

    9. Re:But how can they tell? by Tom · · Score: 1

      That's because it is an enjoyable sight. Sexually provocative clothing is inappropriate only if the person wearing it is ugly and/or overweight.

      Or the complainer is a closet lesbian feminazi.

      (eagerly waiting for the replies to that one...)

      --
      Assorted stuff I do sometimes: Lemuria.org
  6. Orwell by AtomicSnarl · · Score: 4, Interesting

    Cue the Big Brother - thoughcrimes comments.

    So, really -- what's the point of this? PC enforcement? Social modeling? Productivity improvement? Lawsuit prevention?

    If it isn't about productivity, it is probably a drag on the organization.

    --
    Pacifist paratroopers yell, "Ghandi!" when they jump.
    1. Re:Orwell by theolein · · Score: 2

      I wish Microsoft lots of luck trying to find talented employees after they implement this.

    2. Re:Orwell by JasterBobaMereel · · Score: 1

      The talented ones are the ones who say that the Microsoft video-conferencing software must be playing up that's why there is no image only audio ....

      Monitor a black screen ...

      --
      Puteulanus fenestra mortis
    3. Re:Orwell by pla · · Score: 3

      So, really -- what's the point of this? PC enforcement? Social modeling? Productivity improvement? Lawsuit prevention?

      The point seems all too clear - Having a pseudo-objective reason to fire just about anyone at any time.

      And as usual, the lying sacks of shit at the top who have immaculate hair and a sycophantic grin 24/7 will remain immune to it, while the geeks who look like hell after putting in 30 hours straight to keep the servers limping along through Black Friday will enjoy sub-inflation-level raises due to their "bad attitude".

    4. Re:Orwell by theshowmecanuck · · Score: 2

      I'm tending towards saying let any company that wants to use this, use it. All they will achieve is a company full of homogenous 'yes men' with very little independent thought. We have all heard the discussions on whether China is capable of innovation, with much of the crux of the conversation falling to whether it is possible without allowing free thinking. Now here we have the opposite side of the coin from extreme socialism (which is of course communism). We have localized fascism within individual corporate societies (and of course it could be argued that through Washington lobbyists they are trying to make it an America tradition). Do not do or think outside the corporate norm. If making money is all about being innovative then these companies will ultimately fail. Patents can only last so long, so companies counting on keeping open free thinking at bay using patents will only last as long as the patents they are using to do this. The trouble of course is that this presupposes that the said lobbyists won't be able buy enough politicians to pass 'paid for' laws. And of this I'm not certain that I am so optimistic.

      --
      -- I ignore anonymous replies to my comments and postings.
  7. Balmer Chair-a-Pult by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1

    Patent pending

  8. Hang on.. this means... by pieterh · · Score: 5, Funny

    that if anyone complains of my obnoxious behavior, I can cite them for violating Microsoft's patent claims. Microsoft, can I please get a license?

  9. So then.... by Lumpy · · Score: 3, Funny

    Flipping off the boss as he leaves the room, playing angry birds during the meeting, or putting the phone conference on mute and ignoring it completely while we talk about random crap is ok then? the detector is not flagging those.

    --
    Do not look at laser with remaining good eye.
    1. Re:So then.... by TWX · · Score: 4, Funny

      I just hope that the mute button works... Apparently my wife was once in one where it didn't, and their team's bursts of laughter at the incompetent statements were not well received by those making them...

      --
      Do not look into laser with remaining eye.
    2. Re:So then.... by somersault · · Score: 1

      The first two would be detectable under "hand gestures" as mentioned at the end of the summary :p Putting the phone on mute sounds like a winner to me though.

      --
      which is totally what she said
    3. Re:So then.... by Aryden · · Score: 1

      I don't bother muting, I just at the incompetent statements as they are making them in hopes that the meeting sponsor will actually have the balls to ask me what I find so funny...

    4. Re:So then.... by mlts · · Score: 3, Funny

      Mute button stories are comedy gold sometimes. I just tell people to make sure the light is lit or the phone actually is in mute.

      An example of this is when I worked in an internal IT department at a SMB. Someone called up from the field, got a cow-orker and she muted the phone (so she thought), then yelled, "Argh, I should just hang up on this guy. Anyone want to take him and put him on speaker so I can have a shot of Jaegermeister and snicker at him?" I took the call. Next thing the guy on the other phone asked: "Mind if I have a swig of Jaeger if any is left?"

    5. Re:So then.... by Tom · · Score: 1

      The best advise I ever got on phone conversations: Do hold whatever it is you have to say until the phone is down and you have checked that the connection is cut.

      I would never put my trust into a mute button. Keeping your thoughts to yourself a couple minutes can't possibly that hard.

      --
      Assorted stuff I do sometimes: Lemuria.org
  10. Okay, sure. by cmv1087 · · Score: 1

    So I guess I can't pantomime planting bombs or firing weapons anymore.

    1. Re:Okay, sure. by Dyinobal · · Score: 1

      You still can, but only if you work for Valve, I hear that is a job requirement to even work on the new Counter Strike.

  11. Hand gestures? by Chris+Mattern · · Score: 3

    I've got a hand gesture for you!

  12. wtb patent to curb obnoxious patents by bulldog060 · · Score: 1

    Don't they have anything better to do?

    1. Re:wtb patent to curb obnoxious patents by Surt · · Score: 1

      Are you kidding? Every fortune 500 company will buy this, and pay through the nose to have it. This might be the most profitable idea MS has had in a decade or more.

      --
      "Who is the Journal of Quantum Physics going to believe?" --Stephen Hawking
  13. Hand gestures, eh? by Meneth · · Score: 1

    I have one for you.

  14. they want to patent all of this? by mapkinase · · Score: 4, Interesting

    "Bad behavior, Microsoft explains, might include wearing dark glasses in a video conference, wearing unacceptable clothing to a business meeting, cutting off others during conversation, prolonged monologues, and even how one nods one's head in agreement, shakes one's head indicating disagreement, and makes hand gestures"

    I suspect for many of those they have no clue how to implement it, yet they are already patenting it?

    --
    I do not believe in karma. "Funny"=-6. Do good and forbid evil. Yours, Oft-Offtopic Flamebaiting Troll.
    1. Re:they want to patent all of this? by Dyinobal · · Score: 5, Funny

      These days you patent the idea, not how to do it. I already have patents on FTL, nuclear fusion, Robotic prostitutes, and teleportation. It doesn't matter that I don't know how to do it I just put 'a method of ________' at the start and then be as vague and no specific as possible and even throw in some buzz words.

    2. Re:they want to patent all of this? by oakgrove · · Score: 1

      Considering what the GP is saying is par for the course for MS and the rest of the industry's software patents these days, it's a pretty likely supposition the the patent is on the "idea" of doing this and is as filled with as much broad all-encompassing legalese as possible. I mean who knows, some small business might base their model on something remotely related to this 10 years from now. How else do you expect to extort^H^H^H^H extract revenue from them without being as vague as possible?

      --
      The soylentnews experiment has been a dismal failure.
    3. Re:they want to patent all of this? by TWX · · Score: 2

      "These days you patent the idea, not how to do it. I already have patents on ... Robotic prostitutes..."

      I'm pretty sure that the Japanese have you beat on prior art there...

      --
      Do not look into laser with remaining eye.
    4. Re:they want to patent all of this? by Pope · · Score: 1

      and even how one nods one's head in agreement, shakes one's head indicating disagreement

      Better fire all the Indians then.

      --
      It doesn't mean much now, it's built for the future.
    5. Re:they want to patent all of this? by Aryden · · Score: 1

      I still can't figure out how to do the side to side bobble head thing, hurts the hell out of my neck.

    6. Re:they want to patent all of this? by mapkinase · · Score: 1

      And Bulgarians.

      --
      I do not believe in karma. "Funny"=-6. Do good and forbid evil. Yours, Oft-Offtopic Flamebaiting Troll.
    7. Re:they want to patent all of this? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1

      No, to the contrary. Most of those are very easy to implement. Dark glasses detection? Thresholding for different types of patterned clothing. Speech analysis is pretty easy for many things short of high accuracy speaker independent recognition in a crowd... but note their "idea" doesn't really require that. It requires something much simpler...

      And that's precisely the point. These are "examples" of things that are very easy for some IP "researcher" past his prime to make up that are also easy for some underpaid grad student/guest researcher intern to implement technologically... ignoring the fact that there is no substantive evidence that any are actually worthwhile indicators of negative employee behavior. Dark glasses, really? People actually wear sunglasses indoors. More likely the system marks you because its fooled by your photochromic eyewear.

    8. Re:they want to patent all of this? by KhabaLox · · Score: 1

      My company (heavily investing in Office, Lync, Sharepoint, etc.) has offices and production facilities in the US, the UK, France, Italy, and India (not to mention sales offices elsewhere in Europe, Mexico, South America, Australia and SE Asia).

      How do they reckon they will design the configuration setting to be able to adapt to the acceptable customs in all those cultures? Hell, there is a computer games company in our building, and I see guys in jeans and t-shirts with a multitude of piercings and tattoos every day in the elevator, while our company is business casual. Other company's are more formal. How are they going to adjust for different corporate cultures?

      --
      Ceci n'est pas un sig.
    9. Re:they want to patent all of this? by mapkinase · · Score: 1

      >How do they reckon they will design the configuration setting to be able to adapt to the acceptable customs in all those cultures?

      They don't. What they reckon is that if YOU somehow manage to "design the configuration setting to be able to adapt to the acceptable customs in all those cultures" then you will pay them their patent usage fee thanking them for this brilliant idea.

      We all owe Yoko Ono a patent usage fee since after all didn't we all give peace a chance at some point?

      --
      I do not believe in karma. "Funny"=-6. Do good and forbid evil. Yours, Oft-Offtopic Flamebaiting Troll.
    10. Re:they want to patent all of this? by kat_skan · · Score: 1

      Big deal. I'll just add using a computer to the end and it'll sail right through. Have fun gluing all those quarks back together by hand after they come out of your fancy manual teleporter.

    11. Re:they want to patent all of this? by BitZtream · · Score: 1

      People actually wear sunglasses indoors.

      Yes, they do, and its fucking obnoxious. Its typically done by people trying to hide the fact that their eyes are doing something they shouldn't do currently, or more often, last night. It doesn't take a computer to tell you its obnoxious as fuck, or that it is almost universally associated with bad behavior hence why all normal people get agitated with people who leave sunglasses on indoors.

      It also has obvious exceptions, such as the blind.

      Its unlikely that your nearly clear Transition lenses are going to cause a false alarm unless you're wearing ones that were created in the 70s. Modern lenses are pretty damn transparent in the absence of UV light.

      If you aren't aware of the correlation between wearing sunglasses inside and the behavior of those people, then its your problem for being so oblivious to the cues your body and mind give you.

      --
      Persistent Volume manager for Kubernetes - https://github.com/dwimsey/openshift-pvmanager
  15. bosses should not be calling on lunch / after work by Joe_Dragon · · Score: 1

    bosses should not be calling on lunch / after work in less that that call needs to be done now now lunch maybe it's a real quick thing like I need X for customer Y and it can be done after lunch or it's after lunch go to Z. Now it's for some in the field then it's a little bit more ok to call.

  16. Pointless by Hentes · · Score: 3, Insightful

    If anyone notices bad behavior, there is no need for additional monitoring. But if noone notices it, there is no harm done. What's the point?

    1. Re:Pointless by Surt · · Score: 1

      The point is that you're wrong about 'anyone'. It matters to many a PHB who notices.

      --
      "Who is the Journal of Quantum Physics going to believe?" --Stephen Hawking
    2. Re:Pointless by Stewie241 · · Score: 1

      My assumption was that it was designed to improve client relations. If people are behaving in ways that might offend a client or potential client, the client might not object on camera or on the phone. However, it may affect their decision to buy or it may affect the business relationship.

      This may result in removing and sense of personality from these relationships as well which might be an undesirable effect.

  17. Annoying boss? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1

    If this is generally applied to a workspace, I'm confident that the bosses will be the first to be red flagged! Maybe this can help reducing the amount of psychopathic leadership?

    1. Re:Annoying boss? by zwede · · Score: 5, Insightful

      You don't seriously think managers will be monitored, do you?

    2. Re:Annoying boss? by Raenex · · Score: 4, Insightful

      Managers have managers. Yes they will.

    3. Re:Annoying boss? by bla · · Score: 2

      If this is generally applied to a workspace, I'm confident that the bosses will be the first to be red flagged! Maybe this can help reducing the amount of psychopathic leadership?

      nah. this will be configured to reward standard psychopathic, extroverted, "leadership" behaviours. there's no way that those on top are ever going to use something that tells them they shouldn't be on top.

    4. Re:Annoying boss? by idontgno · · Score: 2

      I think you're missing a critical point.

      Managers will be monitored, but they'll be measured against different criteria than peons, just like in every other aspect of corporate life.

      The net effect of the different evaluation rules is that PHBs will be come more pointy-haired and sociopathic, not less.

      "We've been reviewing your Interaction Monitoring System logs, Bob. We're noticing some unfortunate tendencies in your communications with your subordinates. For instance, here last week, we detected some very clear indicators of human compassion and what appeared to be sincere interest in your team's well-being. We simply can't have that kind of interference with business goals; in particular, we're really worried you might be tempted to put your people ahead of this quarter's numbers. You need to reassure us by using more appropriately goal-based socialization and less touchy-feely 'caring' stuff."

      --
      Welcome to the Panopticon. Used to be a prison, now it's your home.
    5. Re:Annoying boss? by UCSCTek · · Score: 2

      But who manages the managers' managers?

    6. Re:Annoying boss? by jackbird · · Score: 3, Funny

      Goldman Sachs.

    7. Re:Annoying boss? by marcello_dl · · Score: 2

      I was going to answer "satan" but in fact I had missed a few recursion steps.

      --
      ---- MISSING MISCELLANEOUS DATA SEGMENT --- [sigdash] trolololol
    8. Re:Annoying boss? by higuita · · Score: 1

      The CEO!!

      --
      Higuita
    9. Re:Annoying boss? by treeves · · Score: 1

      Their wives.

      --
      ...the future crusty old bastards are already drinking the Kool-Aid.
    10. Re:Annoying boss? by rastos1 · · Score: 1

      You are very clever, boy, but it's managers all the way down. Or possibly up in this case.

  18. The crux of the patent. by 140Mandak262Jamuna · · Score: 5, Funny

    Like most famous inventions, the exact moment this invention happened has been very accurately recorded. It was exactly on the day a top sidekick of Ballmer decided to quit Microsoft to join Google. The CEO discovered the ballistic properties of office furniture and how effectively they can be projected to affect employee behavior and give feedback to the employees about the management's attitude towards them. But it was not a simple joy ride to the patent office. Much more serious development and testing took place. Tables were too heavy. Paperweights were too ineffectual. After a decade of hard work, the invention has paid off and now Microsoft has obtained a patent "for a tool that can give feedback to the employee about their actions and behavior which can also be sat upon to work when not used in that capacity."

    --
    sed -e 's/Chuck Norris/Rajnikant/g' joke > fact
    1. Re:The crux of the patent. by X3J11 · · Score: 1

      I was waiting for the inevitable chair throwing reference and you sir did not disappoint.

    2. Re:The crux of the patent. by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1

      Prior art: Bobby Knight.

  19. Call me old fashioned... by RogueyWon · · Score: 5, Interesting

    Ok, call me old fashioned, but why on earth would you need to have a piece of software to pick up on inappropriate behaviour from employees? Isn't this what a line manager is supposed to be for?

    Now, ok, some of the behaviours mentioned in TFS might be considered inappropriate; but even these are situational. In fact, I remember one day last summer, when I was on annual leave and got a call from the office asking me to drop in urgently, because a senior manager needed some advice in a hurry on an issue that only I knew about. I was up in town already when I got the call, so I was able to get into the office in about 15 minutes. I was casually dressed (jeans and a t-shirt - it was a hot day) and when I went into the meeting, I gave a monologue. That was, after all, the whole point of me being there. But was any of that inappropriate in the circumstances? Of course not. In fact, I got credit for going into the office on what should have been a day off. But this little office-spy routine they've got going here would have flagged me up for at least two violations.

    I've had to deal with staff conduct issues before. It's never a pleasant experience, but if you want to do it properly, you have to be clear about the impacts that the behaviour has had. So, for example, "You were rude to colleague x in a meeting. I know that she was being difficult, but you didn't handle this well. As a result of this, we haven't agreed any of the actions that we needed to and we've put objectives a, b and c at risk. We'll also need to get somebody round to extract the traffic cone and see if we can lure the weasels back out of the ventilation ducts." Something like that.

    I suppose I can see where an IT system like this does come in - as part of the "ass-covering" section of a formal disciplinary process. I can see the attraction for risk-averse employers (particularly in the public sector), where it might be considered useful to have a print-out saying "Employee Y was inappropriately dressed for meetings on the following dates..." during a tribunal process. But that's about bureaucracy and process - you only find yourself in that kind of situation once the relationship between employer and employee has actually broken down. It's not about actually improving conduct within the organisation in any meaningful way.

    1. Re:Call me old fashioned... by Jeng · · Score: 1

      This reminds me of the story Manna.

      http://marshallbrain.com/manna1.htm

      Management costs more per person than the people they supervise, if you can get rid of management you can significantly improve your profits.

      --
      Don't know something? Look it up. Still don't know? Then ask.
    2. Re:Call me old fashioned... by Remus+Shepherd · · Score: 1

      I think the point is that they are trying to automate the line manager's job.

      Since we're already automated most of the line personnel's jobs, the ultimate goal is to have corporations with a CEO at the top and a smoothly functioning pyramid of robots below him, some of which do work and others who monitor the worker bots. Then we just need to automate the CEO. I suggest using a roulette wheel.

      --
      Genocide Man -- Life is funny. Death is funnier. Mass murder can be hilarious.
    3. Re:Call me old fashioned... by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1

      There's even this: My co-worker and I were called before a manager who was fishing for a reason to dock my pay, citing that my behavior was stressing out my partner (we're the only two in the "art" department). I asked "the victim" if 1) she has ever considered my behavior inappropriate, 2) ever told me that my behavior offended or upset her, and 3) ever complained to HR about my behavior. All not just no but, "Absolutely not."

      It's my understanding that the victim gets to define abuse, not a manager and certainly not a computer.

    4. Re:Call me old fashioned... by Grishnakh · · Score: 1

      OK, I'm usually a pretty cynical and pessimistic person, but where on earth have you been working? I've worked at 6 companies in my 12-year career, and honestly I've found most engineers had decent social skills and most managers were decent at managing. There were always exceptions, of course, but I've certainly found it to be the exception rather than the rule that managers (in engineering fields) are utterly incompetent or that tech workers have zero social skills (in fact, to be totally honest I think I tended to have some of the poorer social skills in most teams I've been in, again with a few exceptions). I also can't say I've seen a whole lot of prima donnaism. This isn't to say I've found most managers to be superb at managing, or most engineers to be superbly charismatic, because that's certainly not the case, but I've never seen these groups to be nearly as bad in general as you make them out to be.

    5. Re:Call me old fashioned... by BitZtream · · Score: 1

      But this little office-spy routine they've got going here would have flagged me up for at least two violations.

      You're assuming it doesn't also flag you as doing extra work by coming in on your day off as well.

      Its funny how everyone gets so afraid that this would catch them doing something wrong? I makes me wonder if I'm the only person who thought 'Good, maybe this thing will point out how often I'm the only one working all the time'

      --
      Persistent Volume manager for Kubernetes - https://github.com/dwimsey/openshift-pvmanager
  20. I miss Army meetings sometime by CPTreese · · Score: 5, Funny

    The Army may like meetings and PowerPoint too much, but at least everyone wore the same damn thing and swearing at each other was considered an art form.

    --
    If there is no God then free will is an illusion.
  21. "training" the software by mbone · · Score: 4, Funny

    I certainly hope that they use this video to train the software.

  22. So what about by twoears · · Score: 1

    So what about spitting on people (Gates) and throwing chairs (you know who)? And what about cursing?

    1. Re:So what about by Rogerborg · · Score: 1

      It's OK, the cameras always face away from the people giving the orders.

      --
      If you were blocking sigs, you wouldn't have to read this.
  23. Eh? by ledow · · Score: 3, Funny

    Is it just me that thinks that corporate influence has turned everyone into automated drones and actually feels quite relieved when the person on the other end of the line seems human? When you can joke about their products, when they curse the system in front of you, when they basically say "Yeah, but the guy who dealt with you before was an idiot, sorry." even if it's just with a gesture?

    My boss regularly rings one of our suppliers for goods and they often chit-chat among themselves - he often works himself out a good discount while he's there, but that's how he operates - and it makes them seem altogether more understanding when you DO have a real problem rather than someone following a flowchart. They're also much more likely to get our custom than some robot who can't be made to smile, budge on price, or anything else that doesn't toe the company line EVEN IF they are more expensive than others.

    1. Re:Eh? by wildstoo · · Score: 1

      That's fine if the salespeople have the authority to offer such discounts, but for many suppliers that's probably not the case, in which case your chit-chat is just that.

      If a worker drone isn't allowed to do anything but toe the company line, then they probably won't.

    2. Re:Eh? by LifesABeach · · Score: 1

      I believe IBM beat m$ to this, WATSON.

  24. Kinect-powered Spacely Space Sprockets computer by fortapocalypse · · Score: 5, Funny

    Security camera footage + Kinect technology + massive computational power and behavioral logic = "JETSON!!!!!"

  25. Just wait for the flood of discrimination suits by petes_PoV · · Score: 3, Insightful

    So it's "bad behaviour" to wear dark glasses during a videoconference. Is it also "bad behaviour" to bring your guide-dog into the v/c, too?

    A lot of these attributes seem to be culturally insensitive and would be prohibited in many workplaces as being discriminatory

    --
    politicians are like babies' nappies: they should both be changed regularly and for the same reasons
    1. Re:Just wait for the flood of discrimination suits by LifesABeach · · Score: 1

      And now m$ can bill you for it?

    2. Re:Just wait for the flood of discrimination suits by BigSes · · Score: 1

      That'd be "ruff". Sorry, I'll go now.

    3. Re:Just wait for the flood of discrimination suits by BitZtream · · Score: 1

      You're just irrationally and illogically over-senstive.

      Yes, if you aren't blind it IS bad behavior to wear dark glasses, and guess what, we as people all know that, and yet we make exceptions when needed ... like when there is ACTUALLY A BLIND PERSON IN THE VIDEO CONFERENCE.

      We don't allow every schmuck to wear dark shades because they want to just because we may eventually want to let in a blind person.

      Your inability to be able to differentiate between the two situations is mind numbing.

      Culturally insensitive and discriminatory would be if say ... you punished a blind person for doing it, not just because the software flagged them.

      Its funny the number of people pointing out these one off situations where the software might flag you as if they are different than if it was a person doing it. Yes, the software will flag you for wearing shades, or dilated pupils, or a t-shirt and jeans ... AND SO WILL EVERY PERSON ON THE PLANET ... and then they'll take into account THE REST OF THE CONTEXT OF THE SITUATION and come to a logical conclusion.

      Its only a bad idea when you start getting stupid and pick one indicator to make an entire judgement on rather than the context of the event.

      --
      Persistent Volume manager for Kubernetes - https://github.com/dwimsey/openshift-pvmanager
    4. Re:Just wait for the flood of discrimination suits by petes_PoV · · Score: 1

      Your inability to be able to differentiate between the two situations is mind numbing.

      You don't seem to have much of a clue about how the real world works. As soon as a job can be computerised and automated, that's what happens. It's then up to the machine to fulfill its inflexible and pre-programmed function - no commonsense necessary.

      if you want an example, take speed cameras (or "safety cameras" as we're told to call them now). They clock your car, flag an offence, issue a fixed penalty notice and then go on to the next one. No leeway, no distinction whether it was you speeding or the vehicle overtaking you (which is neatly cropped out of the "evidence" photo for "privacy" reasons).

      As another example - clocking on/off. Either you're on time or you aren't. No saying "sorry boss, there was some faulty traffic lights" or "the train was delayed". it's the same pattern with any automated system, it diminshes the people who are subjected to it's oversight.

      In this particular case the attributes the system flags are arbitrary (for example, consider an international conference call between branches of the same company. Should the employees at the remote end be subject to the etiquette and customs of one locations? no, of course not - but this sort of system would enforce that.

      If you're so in favour of this sort of system I would laugh long and hard if the first time you encountered it was when an Arab employer started to penalise its foreign workers who didn't comply with their dress codes and behavioural standards. Don't imagine everything will be set up to fit your view of the world.

      --
      politicians are like babies' nappies: they should both be changed regularly and for the same reasons
  26. I'm all for it - start at Microsoft HQ! by tomhudson · · Score: 1, Insightful

    After all, if bad behavior can be so easily detected, Bill Gates and Steve Balmer would both be flagged - and having been flagged repeatedly, be the target of employee lawsuits for creating a toxic work environment. Bring it on!!!

    1. Re:I'm all for it - start at Microsoft HQ! by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 2, Funny

      No, there's an Easter Egg -- each piece of furniture launched over 5 feet gets you +1000 behavior points.

    2. Re:I'm all for it - start at Microsoft HQ! by elrous0 · · Score: 1

      People who blame Bill Gates for things that MS is doing today remind me of people who still make jokes about how "It's a Wonderful Life" runs 24/7 on TV around Christmas. Some people just don't pay attention.

      --
      SJW: Someone who has run out of real oppression, and has to fake it.
    3. Re:I'm all for it - start at Microsoft HQ! by Anomalyst · · Score: 2

      The FICA commitments when putting attention on the payroll are way too burdensome.

      --
      There is no right to feel safe thru security vaudeville at the expense of everyone's freedom, privacy and tax money.
    4. Re:I'm all for it - start at Microsoft HQ! by tomhudson · · Score: 5, Insightful

      1. Bill Gates is on the board of directors.

      2. The xbox hardware problems stemmed from decisions he was responsible for as CEO, and "missing the internet" was also on his watch.

      3. Microsoft invested in Apple to keep it afloat because of anti-trust concerns. Microsoft argued that Apple did provide competition i an attempt to get out of the anti-trust fiasco. The anti-trust problem was caused by decisions made by Bill Gates, as was the decision to buy Apple shares. Microsoft wouldn't be experiencing Apple Envy if Bill Gates hadn't acted illegally in the first place in preserving and extending Microsofts' monopoly.

  27. Re:Define "unacceptable" by TWX · · Score: 1

    I'd bet that a "FUCK WORK" t-shirt will probably be found inappropriate by just about everyone, even those who share the sentiment...

    Come to think of it, just about anything at T-Shirt Hell would be inappropriate in a business meeting, especially if it involves clients or customers...

    --
    Do not look into laser with remaining eye.
  28. Microsoft discriminates against the handicapped! by clickety6 · · Score: 2

    "Bad behavior, Microsoft explains, might include wearing dark glasses in a video conference..."

    So take that you badly behaved blind person!

    --
    ----------------------------------- My Other Sig Is Hilarious -----------------------------------
  29. Does The Patent Also Cover.... by tunapez · · Score: 1

    The annoying hard selling of unnecessary softwares/licenses, too?

    Oh, not that annoying behavior.

    --
    Imagination drew in bold strokes, instantly serving hopes and fears, while knowledge advanced by slow increments...
  30. What this actually means... by gnasher719 · · Score: 3, Insightful

    Should your own employer use similar methods, then you can take revenge by ratting them out to Microsoft, who can then either sue your employer for patent infringement, or forbid them altogether to use methods infringing on this patent.

  31. hand gestures? by oneiros27 · · Score: 1

    Oh, sure, discriminate against the Italians.

    um ... I'd make a hand gesture now, but it's hard to do while typing. It's much easier over video conferences.

    --
    Build it, and they will come^Hplain.
  32. What Scores Would These Bill Gates Videos Get? by theodp · · Score: 2
  33. mute! by djchristensen · · Score: 1

    I for one would be happy to have a system that could detect the bozos who call into meetings, never say a word, and don't mute their phone. I can do without the loud breathers, dogs barking, kids yelling, typing, static, etc. I don't feel like I should be the mute-police, and the people running the meetings (at least at my company) rarely say anything. A little common courtesy would solve the problem, but an automated system is probably a much more realistic solution.

    And if this particular crime isn't listed in the patent, then consider this prior art that I am contributing to the public domain in hopes of serving the greater good.

    1. Re:mute! by LifesABeach · · Score: 1

      My favorite sound effect is the Twit knocking at the door. Meetings like this tend to be shorter, and the information is delivered in a more concentrated manner as befitting the intelligence level of the group.

  34. Smart by sgt+scrub · · Score: 1, Insightful

    This is a perfect disguise for getting patents on human behavior.

    --
    Having to work for a living is the root of all evil.
  35. Re:Microsoft discriminates against the handicapped by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1

    Or employee who came in after getting their eyes dilated.

  36. Prior art by sorak · · Score: 1, Funny

    A patent on a device that tells you how to dress, how to talk, and how to carry yourself in public? I already have one.

    I'm married.

  37. dark glasses by j2.718ff · · Score: 1

    I guess when a blind person wears dark glasses, he is exhibiting obnoxious behavior.

    1. Re:dark glasses by LifesABeach · · Score: 1

      I guess people that have eye surgery are obnoxious also?

    2. Re:dark glasses by BitZtream · · Score: 1

      No, but 12 year olds who point out obvious flaws in a system that would clearly have workarounds in place in a production system are obnoxious.

      Good job, you'll be the first test subject.

      You need to learn the difference between witty and obnoxious. I realize you were trying for witty, but you missed.

      --
      Persistent Volume manager for Kubernetes - https://github.com/dwimsey/openshift-pvmanager
  38. Prior Art? by Fnord666 · · Score: 1

    Microsoft patenting obnoxious employee behaviour? Aren't they their own prior art?

    --
    'The tyrant will always find pretext for his tyranny.' - Aesop's Fables
    1. Re:Prior Art? by LifesABeach · · Score: 1

      They didn't have a patent then, so they couldn't bill for it. I wonder what their billing schedule looks like. Do they offer corporate licenses? Can other jesters be added? What if a competing jester "arises?"

  39. Playing Devils Advocate Here... by ideonexus · · Score: 1

    ...I could see the appeal of something like this. I have had to work with some incredible assholes in my time, and it's a situation that puts incredible stress on people in the workplace. We hired one guy who made everyone completely miserable with his confrontational, in-your-face style, and no one knew how to deal with him because we were all introverted geeks. It took months to get him fired because it was so hard to articulate what exactly his offenses were beyond simply, "He's an in-your-face jerk."

    I could see this software being useful in a very limited scope for situations just like this. It's like software for monitoring browsing habits in the workplace... good managers use it sparingly when there's an employee underperforming who always seems to be checking his email, bad management uses it to squeeze every last little bit of productivity out of its workers.

    The same principle of judicious use applies here. Management can use it to solve some special cases, or they can go Big Brother with it and make everyone miserable.

    --
    i ~ Celebrating Science, Cyberspace, Speculation
    1. Re:Playing Devils Advocate Here... by BitZtream · · Score: 2

      So you got him fired for a personality flaw ... because your personality flaw made it difficult to deal with him? And you don't feel like a douche because of that? It took months for someone else to notice his behavior after multiple complaints?

      You can call it playing devils advocate, but your story sounds a little more fishy than that. Sounds more like an excuse to tell us about how you got some guy fired for a personality flaw using your own personality flaws. Seems to me that if he got fired, so should you.

      --
      Persistent Volume manager for Kubernetes - https://github.com/dwimsey/openshift-pvmanager
    2. Re:Playing Devils Advocate Here... by yuhong · · Score: 1

      Personally I think the idea of fear-based management is just fundamentally flawed in the days where people are not dumb automata. In fact I think fear-based management leading to more and more surveillance is classic (see the example of TSA for one example).

    3. Re:Playing Devils Advocate Here... by sjames · · Score: 1

      If the management there had been any good, they wouldn't need software for that, they would KNOW he was an in-your-face jerk and that it was causing problems. They would have worked with him to correct his style of interaction, move him somewhere where it wouldn't be a problem, or move hiom out of the company as a bad fit for the culture.

      There's a huge difference between dealing with obvious problems and micro-management of every little thing (which will make even the ideal person uncomfortable and probably negatively impact their performance and interaction style).

  40. clothing to a business meeting by Max_W · · Score: 5, Insightful
    wearing unacceptable clothing to a business meeting

    This is not as simple as this. If we could accept wearing shorts, short sleeve shirts and sandals to business meetings in hot weather we could save a lot of energy on air conditioning, dry-cleaning, ironing, transportation, etc. And by this we would prevent global warming, catastrophic climate change, hurricanes, earthquakes, etc.

    Why only suits and ties, the clothing of 19th century British peasants, is supposed to be acceptable?

    1. Re:clothing to a business meeting by TeknoHog · · Score: 1

      If we could accept wearing shorts, short sleeve shirts and sandals to business meetings in hot weather we could save a lot of energy on air conditioning, dry-cleaning, ironing, transportation, etc. And by this we would prevent global warming, catastrophic climate change, hurricanes, earthquakes, etc.

      This is exactly the message that was spread in Japan after the Fukushima incident, as electricity was being rationed. But as long as we have plenty of power here, it is OK to ruin the environment for the sake of maintaining a stiff upper lip.

      --
      Escher was the first MC and Giger invented the HR department.
    2. Re:clothing to a business meeting by sjames · · Score: 1

      You have to wonder, if they're willing to burn that much effort (and degrade productivity) for what amounts to an affectation, what other things are they doing that keep them from lowering their prices.

    3. Re:clothing to a business meeting by m50d · · Score: 1

      It works if we save enough energy that fracking becomes uneconomical.

      --
      I am trolling
    4. Re:clothing to a business meeting by Just+Some+Guy · · Score: 1

      I've come to really appreciate my office. We outsource financial services for a bunch of companies, but only one of them is within a five-hour drive of our office and they're good friends with my company's owner. My boss's attitude is that anything which makes for happier employees without causing problems for anyone else is a good thing, and permitted. For example, our company dress code is "please wear shoes" (but it's not enforced).

      I've met friends for lunch and showed up in cargo shorts, huaraches, and a t-shirt with a week's worth of whiskers. They used to ask if I had the day off but now just shake their heads and slump in their sport coats.

      As an added bonus, this drives my father-in-law nuts. He retired from a company-uniform sort of place and just can't wrap his mind around the idea of wearing sandals and shorts to work.

      --
      Dewey, what part of this looks like authorities should be involved?
    5. Re:clothing to a business meeting by belg4mit · · Score: 1

      Also by preventing plate rebound due to loss of glacial ice as run-off, depending on the locale.

      --
      Were that I say, pancakes?
    6. Re:clothing to a business meeting by Max_W · · Score: 1

      It is possible to select classically looking shorts, short sleeve shirt and nice sandals. And it may look better than a traditional business suit in hot weather.

  41. Grammar Checker Remix by Toddlerbob · · Score: 1

    This reminds me ever so much of the *great* grammar checker in the old Microsoft Word. So now not only do they want to homogenize English writing styles, they also want to extract all the humanity from social interaction. So glad I'm retired at this point.

    1. Re:Grammar Checker Remix by Quiet_Desperation · · Score: 4, Insightful

      This is all a big reason I want to retire as early as I can. No one even tells jokes at work anymore lest some thin skinned frightened little bunny gets offended. Performance reviews are increasingly focusing on "behaviors" instead of technical competence and accomplishments. A person can't just show up and do a good, honest job anymore. We have to prove (somehow) we Act With Integrity and Value People and Frolic In The Sunshine or whatever. Everyone just sits there staring at the self-appraisal forms baffled as to what to put in the blanks.

  42. They Forgot Grinning?!! by LifesABeach · · Score: 1

    Really, who ever granted this patent should be fired.

    OK, while staring at my laptop camera, wearing my Sun Glasses, I shake my grinning head left to right. But my left hand signs, "Your Number One". m$, you don't have the balls to bill me.

    Apologies to Corey Hart.

  43. Has anyone by Lazarian · · Score: 1

    done a study of how the ever increasing monitoring and scrutiny of employees in the workplace impacts their mental well-being? It's one thing to have security cameras watching over a store, but to have every aspect of your behavior put under a microscope and scrutinized would be stressful as hell. I remember there was an article about how in Japan some company was trying to use facial recognition software to track how much employees were smiling, and to report how much of a "happy" demeanor they presented.

    Maybe just being human and having person to person contact in a company goes against the new ideas of workplace behavior. Perhaps the boss will give you happy pills to keep you from going nuts and shooting up the place if you snap. Gotta be a happy worker number 4653873...

         

    1. Re:Has anyone by BitZtream · · Score: 1

      Has anyone done a study of how the ever increasing monitoring and scrutiny of employees in the workplace impacts their mental well-being?

      No, because its not really different now.

      You may be video taped, but the guy watching the videos was going to walk around the office and watch you before the video taping existed.

      You still had people looking over your work before technology came along to automate the process.

      You still had performance evaluations and managers to make sure you weren't an obnoxious fuck and fire you if you were.

      In short, no, no one has done a study because nothing has actually changed other than the way its accomplished.

      --
      Persistent Volume manager for Kubernetes - https://github.com/dwimsey/openshift-pvmanager
  44. Damn. by rickb928 · · Score: 1

    Doesn't even exist, and already I've flunked this test.

    I hate them all.

    --
    deleting the extra space after periods so i can stay relevant, yeah.
  45. I know why they invented this by Khyber · · Score: 1

    The poor faggots don't know what a wife is.

    --
    Still waiting on Serviscope_minor to wake up to fucking reality and realize that Jessica Price isn't going to fuck him.
  46. Goodbye ... by PPH · · Score: 1

    ... Steve Ballmer.

    --
    Have gnu, will travel.
  47. Ballmers out by koan · · Score: 1

    If that goes into effect Steve Ballmer is gone gone gone, I know, it's probably been said a dozen times in the previous 34 post =)

    --
    "If any question why we died, Tell them because our fathers lied."
  48. Re:Microsoft discriminates against the handicapped by PPH · · Score: 1

    You insensitive fuck clod! I suffer from shit Tourette Syndrome!

    --
    Have gnu, will travel.
  49. Re:MICROSOFT VERSUS LINUX: FIGHT! by oakgrove · · Score: 1

    I think they've got bigger things than just "Linux" to worry about right now. How long before the house of cards falls?

    --
    The soylentnews experiment has been a dismal failure.
  50. Re:And they've the perfect test subject! by LifesABeach · · Score: 1

    I was thinking of something else a horse has; is m$ going to bill me for this?

  51. Re:Microsoft discriminates against the handicapped by LifesABeach · · Score: 1

    Or worse yet, someone who finally sees m$ for what it is?

  52. high score by misfit815 · · Score: 1

    I have a feeling that our development group would engage in a competition to see who could get the highest/lowest score.

    --
    Jesus told him, "I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one can come to the Father except through me. - John 14:6 NLT
  53. twonk by squidflakes · · Score: 1

    It looks like the time portal happened and one of the twonky engineers from the future is now working at Microsoft.

  54. I got a hand gesture for 'em. by Oligonicella · · Score: 1

    They made me put a comment in here. Seems they wanted a graphic to accompany my opinion. So...

    .I
    IIII;
    'II

  55. This must not be implemented outside MS by cylcyl · · Score: 1

    It will kill all slashdot traffic!

  56. Re:Microsoft discriminates against the handicapped by naturaverl · · Score: 2

    Let's not forget about the obnoxious deaf person with all of those hand gestures!

  57. Dwight Schrute? by ubiquitin · · Score: 1

    More like Logan's Run. I have been Michael's number two guy for about 5 years. And we make a great team. We're like one of those classic famous teams. He's like Mozart and I'm like... Mozart's friend. No. I'm like Butch Cassidy and Michael is like... Mozart. You try and hurt Mozart? You're gonna get a bullet in your head courtesy of Butch Cassidy. - Dwight Schrute

    --
    http://tinyurl.com/4ny52
  58. Good Technologies by purplebear · · Score: 1

    Someone please quickly develop something that implements this. I need to use it to influence the behavior of the used car salesmen that Good hires to push their product.

    1. Re:Good Technologies by BitZtream · · Score: 1

      You're fired.

      Obnoxious employee behavior successfully dealt with. Sure, the next guy may be obnoxious too, but considering the length of the unemployement line at the moment, shouldn't take too long to find a suitable replacement. Plenty of people without chips on their shoulders who are willing to work, right?

      --
      Persistent Volume manager for Kubernetes - https://github.com/dwimsey/openshift-pvmanager
  59. What about Obnoxious Corporate Behavior? by hAckz0r · · Score: 1
    I should patent a device that points out Obnoxious Corporate Behaviour and give free samples of the product to both the ITC and Congress. Hopefully then Congress will change how patents are issued and allowed to be used, and the ITC can, without politics, know to investigate any offenders. Things might improve?

    .
    Either that or Congress will just change things so that I, as a non-corporate citizen, can no longer patent stupid things and waste my money doing so. They will probably sell the bill as something to help me save money (patent fees go away), then those funds (equivalent tax on savings accounts) to be directly invested in said obnoxious Corporations (forced retirement stock plans) , and give that bill a really lame and deceptive acronym for a name.

    The smart money would be on #2.

  60. They need to research firing someone? by BitZtream · · Score: 1

    Seriously? Its not a difficult issue to deal with.

    You're fired

    Its really not difficult and there are people standing in line to take that persons place.

    Why is it that the more technology we get, the more we try to replace simple tried and true methods with ridiculously complex and pointless exercises in futility?

    --
    Persistent Volume manager for Kubernetes - https://github.com/dwimsey/openshift-pvmanager
  61. Re:Microsoft, as usual, is many years too lata by BitZtream · · Score: 1

    Ding.

    Exactly.

    You deal with obnoxious employees by simply firing them. Replace them with something that isn't obnoxious, another person, or better still, a robot.

    --
    Persistent Volume manager for Kubernetes - https://github.com/dwimsey/openshift-pvmanager
  62. BF Skinner would be proud by haltline · · Score: 1

    Just think, we little rewards and punishments we can mold these consumers into whatever we want, and we can get their employers to foot the bill for the projects. Awesome.

  63. I guess... by Graham+J+-+XVI · · Score: 1

    ...that's one way to get rid of Ballmer.

  64. Where have I seen this by sjames · · Score: 1

    Lets see, everyone under scrutiny full time, micro-management of even unconscious mannerisms. I'm SURE I've heard of that!

    AHHHH, yes, it's a sign that the organization you're in is a cult.

  65. Police State by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1

    What employees? It's not the employees who need this BS. It's our public servants, our current officials who need their obnoxious behavior curbed.

    Lies Cons and Fraud? Better point this tech at the government. They're just making shit up as they go along. They don't need to be curbed they need to be arrested for breech of citizen trust.

    Pepper spray old ladies and kids, arresting them, but not these banksters?!
    It's okay to raid medical marijuana dispensaries, but never to remove Eric Holder from power, until fast and furious is sorted?!

    This is nothing but more BS from the minds of eugenicists, it's public reaction training for their future global enslavement.
    All the geniuses on slashdot will be singing a new tune pretty soon, once their bank and financial numbers become clear.

    No Microsoft, the criminals are off the leashes and running in packs, they have become feral and infected with rabies, a menace to society, the only way to clean up is with the dog catcher. The only thing your tech is good for is maintaining a slave society run by the corrupt corporate elite for the elite (those feral dead-enders with rabies who are off the leash and running in packs completely unchecked.)

    What will this tech do about banks who steal by cooking the books? Draining accounts? That's right crickets.

  66. Then I want to work for Microsoft by bigsexyjoe · · Score: 1

    I mean this sounds pretty good. Do you really think you have work place privacy anyway? There is plenty of psychological data to show that managers are more obnoxious than underlings. Personally, I'm pretty agreeable and don't seek interaction with others anyway. I would love it if my boss didn't bother me during off hours for stupid reasons. I now want to work for Microsoft.

  67. Call me strange but... by JustNiz · · Score: 1

    I actually LIKE seeing colleagues and my reports being open and individual. The last thing I want from anyone I have to deal with, especially at work, is even more fake PeeCee veneer and corporate doublespeak.

    I prefer they wear what they like to meetings as they are more relaxed and focussed on the real issues, not totally irrelevant crap. Furthermore I judge people on their performance not their appearance.

  68. Re:Define "unacceptable" by element-o.p. · · Score: 1

    When I applied for the job I currently hold, the senior network admin, now my boss, was wearing an "RTFM" t-shirt under an open flannel shirt. I knew this would be a good place to work right then and there (and for the most part, I was right).

    --
    MCSE? No, sir...I don't do Windows. Yes, I am an idealist. What's your point?
  69. Just a Mental Process by SoftwareArtist · · Score: 1

    Let's hope the "mental process" test gets upheld as a basis for denying patents. Because no manager has ever rated someone down on an evaluation for wearing inappropriate clothes or being rude in meetings before.

    --
    "I'm too busy to research this and form an educated opinion, but I do have time to tell everyone my uninformed opinion."
  70. This is much more effective by alieneye · · Score: 1
  71. It's a useless patent to fill the quota by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1

    Let me explain how it works in MSFT.

    There are these things called "commitments" that you write once per year, and which are used to gauge your performance after the year passes. Those are usually inane as it is, but particularly so for higher-ranked people, as they have to "align" them with their managers' commitments etc.

    Now, one thing that is not unpopular for mid-level management to pledge is that their division or product unit submits a certain number of patent applications. Once the pledge is there, they will pester their underlings to procure the needed amount of patents, which goes all the way down the ladder. Since you can't easily invent something actually worthwhile just like that, people have to come up with something silly, just so long as patent lawyers okay it as a patentable idea - all you need is to match the expected count, quality doesn't matter.

    In this case, it looks like someone - probably an engineer at the bottom of the ladder - was really pissed off at the whole process (can't blame him), and tried to vent his frustration in this way. I bet he laughed real hard when legal approved his application.

  72. Re:Define "unacceptable" by TWX · · Score: 1

    I don't find "RTFM" to be on the same level. My wife's school's unofficial motto was "IHTFP", which could sort of fall into that same category, but has much more personal significance.

    --
    Do not look into laser with remaining eye.
  73. Re:Define "unacceptable" by element-o.p. · · Score: 1

    I don't find "RTFM" to be on the same level. My wife's school's unofficial motto was "IHTFP", which could sort of fall into that same category, but has much more personal significance.

    Oh, no...I agree. I wasn't arguing with your point above (many apologies, if it sounded like I was!) so much as describing an example of how corporate culture can be a highly variable thing. In my case, the corporate culture was very laid back, and it has made for an enjoyable work place.

    --
    MCSE? No, sir...I don't do Windows. Yes, I am an idealist. What's your point?
  74. Re:bosses should not be calling on lunch / after w by BitZtream · · Score: 1

    You do have the ability to 'not answer the phone' you realize, right?

    You say: 'I was taking a shit, you should have left a useful message so I'd know if I should call you back'

    --
    Persistent Volume manager for Kubernetes - https://github.com/dwimsey/openshift-pvmanager
  75. Re:Define "unacceptable" by BitZtream · · Score: 1

    Actually, its not.

    That sort of thing indicates a high level of arrogance and lack of understanding of the users of the network. People who wear clothing like that tend to think of themselves as being above and better than the people they work for, and tend to forget the reason they actually have a job.

    In my limited experience, those kind of assholes are the exact worse ones to work for as you're unlikely to gain skills and knowledge from them, just learn how to be more of an ignorant dick to everyone you think is as good as you.

    --
    Persistent Volume manager for Kubernetes - https://github.com/dwimsey/openshift-pvmanager
  76. Re:MICROSOFT VERSUS LINUX: FIGHT! by oakgrove · · Score: 1

    Once you could lay claim to being hot snot on a silver platter but now that you've descended into full on troll, you're just a cold booger on a paper plate.

    --
    The soylentnews experiment has been a dismal failure.
  77. Re:Define "unacceptable" by TWX · · Score: 1

    *nod*

    I worked at a fairly laid-back place once, and I've seen my current employer go through bouts of relaxed rules versus stringent rules. The former place went out of business though, and the current place can't go out of business because of what its purpose is and how it's funded.

    I'm okay with even fairly stringent dresscodes as long as the people I'm working with are good, capable, competent people. So often I work with so many idiots though that it's hard to care to dress to impress when they don't impress me regardless of how they dress.

    --
    Do not look into laser with remaining eye.
  78. Re:MICROSOFT VERSUS LINUX: FIGHT! by hairyfeet · · Score: 1

    Allow me to laugh at you and your pathetic self BWA HA HA HA HA HA... I have provided links showing millions of dollars and thousands upon thousands of users RUNNING AWAY from your "operating system" and what can you do? what can you say? 'I don't like you you you you...stinky poo poo head!" I have showed your security is a joke, your a rotting corpse in retail, but you be sure to say some nasty names while you jerk off to a bash script. hell I bet you can't even get it up without looking at a picture of RMS, ha ha ha ha ha!

    Now go wrap yourself in your tux blankie while the real men have a conversation, okay little girl? you are championing a system that can't even beat a 5 year old Java based POS. hell I wouldn't be surprised if Win2K and Win98 still have more users than you, now go compile something bitch.

    --
    ACs don't waste your time replying, your posts are never seen by me.
  79. I, Robot by Nyder · · Score: 1

    Apparently if I worked (that god i don't) i'd have to get a robot to do my crap, because I'm a bit bad with social cues, I'd wear dark sunglasses to a meeting (because i'm probably going to sleep during it), and fuck ya i'm obnoxious.

    But seriously, wtf? Is it about patenting things you want to do, or about patenting every possible action under the sun so you can charge people to do, well, everything?

    --
    Be seeing you...
  80. Re:Hairyfeet does them in again (lol)... apk by oakgrove · · Score: 1

    You're finally cracking up hairyfeet/apk. Now you're to the point of replying to yourself.

    --
    The soylentnews experiment has been a dismal failure.
  81. Re:OH, accept he blew you away (& I am NOT he) by oakgrove · · Score: 1

    APK, both you and your alterego have been answered numerous times and you just obliviously come back with the same arguments with the words in a slightly different order. Trying to educate you is literally pissing in the wind so the only thing left to do is to heap scorn and derision. You are pathetic. You hairyfeet you and hairyfeet ahairypfeetk whatever you want to call yourself.

    --
    The soylentnews experiment has been a dismal failure.
  82. Ugh by colonel+spalding · · Score: 1

    So glad I'm not qualified to work there. Its why, with their gazillion dollars they consistently produce POS product.

  83. fail by Tom · · Score: 2

    A system like that would be very quickly discontinued in any corporation that would actually be using it. Because most of the people whose behaviour is obnoxious are those in leadership positions. It usually gets worse the further you get up the chain, until it stops with the top management where the curve often (but not always) takes a dive (i.e. they actual top dogs often don't behave obnoxious).

    The reason is that "obnoxious" is a very subjective definition. Much of what we consider obnoxious is displays of power (interrupting people) that are used intentionally or more often subconscious by those who deem themselves more powerful and need to state it without saying it outright. In other words, managers.
    The higher you get up the food chain, the thinner the air gets and the more fierce the competition. Until the very top, which usually behaves very differently because they don't have competition anymore. If they're actually the top - the C*Os of a largely independent company behave very differently from the C*Os of a company that's a part of a larger corporation.

    Yes, I've dealt with all levels of management. I could witness their behaviour because I was in a special position that put me outside the chain of command (even the CEO couldn't give me orders nor fire me, but neither could I to him or anyone else).
    If you are interested at all in psychology and social sciences, watching leadership of various levels interact with each other and those of different levels in the hierarchy is extremely fascinating. And one of the things you learn is that a lot of behaviour is context-dependent - whether or not we consider it acceptable depends a lot on who does it to whom in what setting.

    --
    Assorted stuff I do sometimes: Lemuria.org
  84. Oh great by onearmfreak · · Score: 1

    So now Microsoft is going to dictate how we behave? How long before someone creates an interface that sends electric shocks out and zaps you for talking too much? And what happens when the software screws up and starts zapping folks for all sorts of weird reasons?

  85. Re:OH, accept he blew you away (& I am NOT he) by hairyfeet · · Score: 1

    Ya know, that is pretty damned sad when you are so hard up to prove your failure isn't a heap of fail that you have to accuse others of being the same. old APK has been on CNet since the 1990s, and probably been on /. just as long and I had never even heard of this place since I quit using OS/2 as my main system in 01.

    Want to know what is pathetic? I gave link after link and ALL you can do is "Its a M$ conspiracy you..you you dirty poo poo head!" I have shown OEMS don't want your shit, i've shown USERS don't want your shit, and I've shown that your numbers are worse than a 7 year old Java crap cell phone OS that is sold at Fred's on $8 phones.

    But you go ahead and accuse me of being APK or twitter or hell john Holmes, since you do seem to slobber at my large man meat so...LOL!

    --
    ACs don't waste your time replying, your posts are never seen by me.
  86. Re:OH, accept he blew you away (& I am NOT he) by oakgrove · · Score: 1

    Want to know what is pathetic?

    The fact that every word of every one of your posts is the product of the mind of a presumably grown man. I flush turds that are smarter than you down the toilet everyday. You have had your "arguments" answered many times by people who have much better thing to do than educate mental midgets like you. Mysteriously when you are given logical reasonable rebuttals to your bullshit you go MIA only to resurface with the same bullshit a few days later. You are like the intelligent design loonies that insist on stupidity like irreducible complexity despite being shown the errors in their thought many times over. Eventually people like you come to be seen as the cranks and frauds you are. I can't have a serious debate with a joke like you or APK for as soon as your arguments are impaled by truth you run and hide. You are a coward only fit to make fun of not seriously discuss anything with. Try not to be aa complete ass for a month and I will try to take you seriously enough to debate with.

    --
    The soylentnews experiment has been a dismal failure.
  87. The truth is, the people with "obnoxious habits" by S3D · · Score: 1

    are often best employees - most knowledgeable in the field or most hardworking or with huge experience. Only they can get away with obnoxious behavior, other would be get rid off or ostracized. Every person with habit of interrupting I knew was expert and generally very smart.

  88. @morganaux - on Gates by nukenerd · · Score: 1

    morganaux wrote :-

    "Gates, realizing he is old, is furiously working on some of his karma debt before he dies"

    Indeed, well expressed.

    I hope you don't mind me quoting that in future when people tell me Gates is a great guy for giving money to charity, when he has so much that it would physically impossible to spend it all on himself in his lifetime. He is just doing what Carnegie, Nobel and other similar rich bar stewards did.