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Holy iPad Slayer! Company Releases World's First Christian Tablet
Velcroman1 writes "Steve Jobs worshippers need not apply. But if you're looking to get in God's good graces, or you're simply in the market for a family-friendly tablet, you may want to check out Family Christian's Edifi. Billed as the world's first Christian tablet, its genesis came with the inevitable intersection of technology and religion, according to Brian Honorable, a technology supervisor at Family Christian, the group that sells the tablet. 'We wanted to be able to offer our customers the ability to use our Holy Bible application, which has 27 different English translations of the Bible,' Honorable said."
As the kids say nowadays: What is this, I don't even....
Pretty sure Moses did it first!
There's an app for that...
Absolutely guranteed to not be built by gays, athiests, or dirty brown people.
who posts this crap? 95% of people here think jesus is spelled jebus and god is spelled goddammit!
goddammit! goddammit!
And I thought Apple fanbois were fanatics....
Or do all 10 commandments fit on to one tablet this time?
Arranged them as a cross. That would have awesome.
Bonus: it folds up into a cube. Then the goths would make "hellraiser" jokes and the Christians wouldn't get it
intellectual property law is philosophically incoherent. it is your moral duty to ignore it or sabotage it
Collection of books aside, this is not even a good tablet. It's a resistive touch screen. I wouldn't even consider getting anything that's not capacitive these days.
quoting:
"The battery is actually stronger than everybody else out there on the market.â
if we feed the christian pad to a Li-Ion, will the romans return again, do you think?
--
"It is now safe to switch off your computer."
Only way this could be an iPad slayer was if the iPad ran OS X Lion.
We’re looking at other things, probably a newer tablet
Yeah, uh, so when we start producing the new Edifi 2.0, it's going to be all new and shit.
Wake me when we have a working space elevator, so we can send these wackjobs to meet their god.
-Billco, Fnarg.com
Ha ha ha. the inevitable intersection of technology and religion. Lol.
Hey, Christians have been communicating with God via tablets for centuries now. Since Moses 1.0 I believe. Surely they have the patent on that, right?
I assume whoever is referring to this device as the "first Christian Tablet" has never been inside a Mardel store.
An enigma, wrapped in a riddle, shrouded in bacon and cheese
I would consider getting one just to defile it.
Support the EFF and Creative Commons. The war is coming, and they're supporting you...
Step right up, child. :P
I wasn't aware that a gadget could believe in Jesus as its Lord and savior.
I wonder if AFA will boycott this too
"That's right...I said it."
Moses: The Lord, the Lord Jehovah has given unto you these fifteen...
[drops one of the tablets]
Moses: Oy! Ten! Ten commandments for all to obey!
I've got better things to do tonight than die.
Unless it come in Stone, then it not worth it.
If only they'd get themselves their own planet...then the rest of us can relax a bit and advance as a society without all of the dead weight...
truly the stupidest thing that I have heard all week.
Why is it that most of the people that I encounter seem to have been shat from the Sphincter of Mediocrity?
Family Christian is essentially a bookstore, and this is their "Nook" or "Kindle." I'm a little surprised they are big enough to do that, but it's attractive that they are offering an android tablet comparable to the Kindle Fire, for $50 less. That could be pretty useful, regardless of religion.
My Dad and I shopped at the predecessor to Family Christian Stores years ago, when the name was changed from "Christian Bookstores" to "Christian Stores." We joked that you could go there and buy a Christian, and that obviously enslavement of Christians and throwing them to the lions had returned. I guess our humor probably isn't typical Christian humor. Mainly I think we were annoyed that the book selection shrank and the rest of the space was taken up with artwork and stuff.
Secession is the right of all sentient beings.
Good luck returning it.
At first glance I thought "Christian Tablet" referred to a drug you could use to become Christian.
XKCD:Xeric Knowledge Comically Dispen
Is this anything new? I loaded CadreBible on my Asus Transformer already. It even has the original Greek for free.
Peter predicted that you would "deliberately forget" creation 2000 years ago...
27 different ways to literally interpret the Bible? Where do I sign up?
We had to make our own Tablet since our Bible app wouldn't run on Heathen Hardware.
This is of course Tablet 2.0, a massive technological improvement and over 100lbs lighter than the Tablets God gave Moses.
Here are the specs when compared to the Nook Color, Nook Tablet, and Kindle Fire. https://img.skitch.com/20120622-umkafxaic4gwhdr26samdnd1h.jpg
Worst tablet evar
Sorry about the writing. Robot fingers, you know? Cliff Steele in DOOM PATROL #23
Unravel a cube to find the cross, fold a cross to build a cube ... get on your knees, profane cattle :-)
and worship your 'god', it has quiet an appetite for you
For real, you cattle deserve every single bit of abuse and ridicule that comes your way.
It doesn't have that evil, 'evolution' promoting OS Darwin, like Apple's product has, with its evil demon duck mascot. Serioiusly.. They're not doing a very good job keeping their ties to the forces of darkness a secret, are they?
OS listed as "Android" though the screenshot makes it pretty obvious it's running something that's not ICS. Doesn't mention the google play store either. Doesn't mention what sort of arm CPU it is.
This means it's a cheap knockoff device that will never see updates and won't be any sort of long term value.
I'm not a Christian but I can't imagine any sort of god would look kindly upon selling cheap Chinese made crap with a Christian theme slapped on to it to drive sales.. Oh wait.. I just described every "christian bookstore" I've ever been to. I've always known there's been an industry of selling cheap knockoff christian-themed products that are more or less copies of the "secular" counterparts. Music, books, movies, tv shows. You name it.. I've always wondered how big it is.
"Eden?"
Mod me down, I shall become more off-topic than you could possibly imagine.
I could see Apple suing the tablet maker for facilitating the worship of someone other than Steve Jobs.
From the summary: "But if you're looking to get in God's good graces, or you're simply in the market for a family-friendly tablet,..."
Sorry, but Christian != "family-friendly." There is nothing "friendly" about brainwashing and indoctrinating your children into a superstitious, fearful, dogmatic, and guilt-obsessed worldview. Conversely, there is nothing intrinsically "unfriendly" about being non-Christian--i.e., it is a fallacy to imply that Christians have some kind of exclusive claim on being more wholesome or moral than others, simply by being Christian.
Oh, and one more thing: this whole article is just a thinly-veiled slashvertisement.
I think a touch sensitive screen could be sinful Will you need to repent, do penance and pray for forgiveness after use? Can you use it to get to http://www.darwinawards.com/?
Step 1: take a cheap-ass discounted $50 tablet
(android 1.x and some 2.x tablets are dropping in price, not to mention RIM playbooks)
Step 2: add some religious software and branding
(project gutenberg is a good source of free religious books)
Step 3: market it to religious groups
(especially those that are technically ignorant; oh look what granny bought you for X-mas)
Step 4: profit $$$.
Step 5: (optional..) repent for your soul at your death-bed.
Repeat the above steps for Buddhist, Christian, Islamic, Jewish, Hindu, etc.
The first Christian tablets were unveiled over two thousand years ago.
Patent pending! I called it!
Specifically, Ubuntu Satanic Edition.
Tic-Tac-Toe, Global Thermonuclear War, and relationships all have the same winning move.
How exactly did they decide that selling an extremely low-spec tablet at a break-even or loss price was a better idea than creating an app and selling it to an already established and respectably large tablet consumer base?
Umm, why are we giving what is almost certainly a crappy piece of equipment with a marketing tie in to a bizarre cult the time of day? Someone who is dumb enough or deluded enough to buy one of these they certainly isn't reading slashdot. If people want to go off and read their weird, nonsensical stories about invisible friends in the sky, fine. But this certainly isn't news for nerds nor is it stuff that matters.
I guess it would be done sooner or later. Thats the power of free software/open source. If you don't like it, write your own version. Looks a lot like android. So we now have Android Christian edition, in addition to Ubuntu Christian Edition.
I can firmly say as an unbeliever I won't be buying one, but I as long as they share their source code, I wish them well.
oh, wait...
When will I get my Halal tablet!?
I'm muslim!
uhm, slashdot is here for page refreshes.
you did know that, right?? that this isn't a service to us, for us or by us?
--
"It is now safe to switch off your computer."
ITYM "Honorable Brian" and "Christian Family".
Thank you, I'm here every night this week!
Do you see what I did there?
âoeIt goes along with our mission: trying to get people closer to God ⦠through a tablet.â I guess telling people they are going to burn in hell for being different than you isn't marketing well right now.
'nuff said.
Actually, *Moses* released the first Christian tablet. . . a pair of them if I recall. At five commandments per tablet, though, pretty limited storage.
it should be "and a malenky bit of the old in-out"
do not disrespect the scriptures!
I really thought it was a Slayer themed iPad. As in, "unHoly iPad: The Slayer. The first themed iPad - and first to device to block all Christian communications!"
> It even has the original Greek ...
Moses wrote in Greek ?
But what kind of trash news has Fox News got?! Noting particularly wrong with the link in question BUT the "Recommended Videos" on the right hand side point me to a video of a child rapper in a smutty video and a video of an alligator chewing a teens arm off.
If it ever fails it will come back to life again in 3 days, so no worries!
Users will be taking the Lord's name in vain within 5 minutes of turning it on.
Hey, I had a hard day and I come here to unwind, and I've had more laughs in the few minutes reading this than I had all day during the meetings!
We used to have a Bill of Rights. Now, with the rights gone, all we have left is the bill.
The majority, if not all, of the New Testament was originally written in Greek. It makes sense for the time - Greek was the language of scholars.
The books of Moses (i.e. the first five of the Old Testament) were written in Hebrew, which requires more than just a font change to display. There are special libraries for dealing with it, since it's read right to left and has some funky indention rules (IIRC, I'm no expert).
Those who can't do, teach. Those who can't teach either, do tech support.
JESUS FOR SALE!
This tablet was perfectly created a week ago as-is on the developer's desk, it did not evolve over years like the iPad.
-Matt
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http://www.crusher007.com
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Comment removed based on user account deletion
Please refer to Product Support Lifecycle Document included with your product.
The simplest axioms for harmony?
Uh oh... "you're going strait to hell for that one".
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4TAtRCJIqnk
Christian techies should download e-Sword. As an atheist, this is one of the best bible references you can use. You also actually can compare the different versions of the Bible instead of language translations of one version.
What does God need with all that money.
Fascism: An authoritarian and nationalistic right-wing system of government and social organization. See also: NAZI's
Billed as the world's first Christian tablet
But does it run Linux?
("Steve Jobs"? Pudge, is that you?)
As silly as this is, it's actually pretty neat to see a Christian organization putting out a) technology with b) multiple English translations of the bible. Maybe it'll help a few of the more ignorant Christians realize that the King James version is not the one allegedly handed down by god.
Disappointing. I was hoping for a tablet in the shape of a crucifix.
Posted AC for obvious reasons.
Has already been lost.
I just confirmed with the company through Twitter that "their" bible app is YouVersion, which is available on any Android or iOS device. So my first suspicion was correct. They are simply trying to make money off of other people's products. Douchebaggery at its finest.
what i want to know is why most christians seem to be afraid of FLOSS stuff (and always seem to write stuff with a Closed Source must give me lots of money type license).
Any person using FTFY or editing my postings agrees to a US$50.00 charge
I assume whoever is referring to this device as the "first Christian Tablet" has never been inside a Mardel store.
That's just an eReader Ipad app. But . . .
We'd hate for you to share THE BIBLE. I guess revivals now require a site license.
Fack, Fack, FACK.
FACK!
I tried to use this FACKING tablet to rant about these stupid intrusive religious laws and it keeps facking interrupting my swear words!
If I had to guess, I would say that this is a cheapo tablet (you can get a 1GHz Allwinner tablet with the same specs, android 4.x; a capacitive screen for under $90) with some Jesus-left software in it. Much like some of the Church based versions of Linux.
It appears that you pay an extra $60 for the Churchbuntu software integrated with it. Perhaps I should buy one for my girlfriends mother;p
If it dies just wait 3 days
Why didn't they call it the "Stone Tablet" or "The Tablet of Commandments"?
Grar II
It's fucking dumb to put a religious spin on this sort of thing. It will be fun to watch it bomb.
At the end of the day it's a shitty tablet with specs much worse than the Kindle Fire and light years behind the Nexus 7. I mean seriously, a resistive touchscreen? Who uses that crap any more?
Kindle Bible
I must be completely missing the point of this hardware.
Am I to assume that circuit boards, LCD pixels, etc. in a configuration thusly makes this a holy item, somehow endorsed by God? Am I to further assume that they invented it so that they could get their favorite in-house Bible application its own platform upon which to be used? (Never you mind that there are probably a hundred of those apps out there.)
As a Christian, I consider this utterly stupid, and (theologically-speaking) wonder if it's just a product of pride and greed (that is, "the usual business model," plus pride)...if I were to guess. If so, this is very Christian, indeed. /sarcsasm
The jokes about it being able to run a web browser, Flash, and therefore pornography, violent movies, etc. are, of course, rather insightful. Maybe it's "Christian" because its hardware is too crappy to play one of those evil violent video games...? *facepalm*
Maybe some Christian more brilliant than I am will shortly enlighten me...
I'm not a Christian, but my music collection contains some stuff with Christian themes
Bob Dylan had a born-again phase, with three such albums. I like the Slow Train Coming and Saved albums; I haven't listened to Shot Of Love.
Johnny Cash was a devout believer his entire life and often involved this material, but I don't have any whole albums of it. Sometimes it was originals, sometimes it was gospel classics. Life's Railway To Heaven seemed particularly fitting for him, since he also did a lot of train songs.
Some other acts touched on it less obviously or less often, giving me a few other examples here and there.
PS
Katy Perry did that stuff before getting into pop, but I have the "Katy Hudson" album and feel it's profoundly mediocre
I listen to both RIAA and non-RIAA stuff if I like the music, tangential business/politics nonwithstanding.
Gawd, that stuff sucks.
Prussian Blue (Lamb and Lynx Gaedes) is the worst singing I've ever heard, and this comes from someone who's listened to a lot of modern mainstream pop. their racist mother forced them into it, so there's a lack of enthusiasm there.
Skrewdriver is a classic of the genre, alright classic punk sound. Battlecry, more recent, sounds kinda like classic metal.
Also, not White Supremacist, but those Westboro Baptist Church folks put out some interesting fundamentalist-themed song parodies
Even if the music is alright from a technical/artistic perspective, I avoid listening to it because I don't want those ideas getting stuck in my head.
I listen to both RIAA and non-RIAA stuff if I like the music, tangential business/politics nonwithstanding.