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Ask Slashdot: Suitable Phone For a 4-Year Old?
blogologue writes "I have a kid that's turning 4-years old soon, and I'm not able to be with him as often as I want to. To remedy this, I'm looking into whether or not getting him a phone could be a good idea to keep in touch. Being able to have a video chat is important, and as it is rare that a 4-year old has a mobile phone, and because he's got other things to do, it would be good to be able to turn off for example games and so on during time in the kindergarten. So other kids don't go around asking their parents for a smartphone. The main reason for getting the phone is keeping in touch, and as a bonus it can function as a device for games and so on during allowed times. Are there any phones that are suitable for such use? I don't mind if it's Android, iOS or something else, as long as it can be used to make video calls to other Android/iOS phones, and if it features other applications such as games, have limited, pre-defined functionality during certain periods of the day."
Why did you have the kid if you can't be with him? Seriously, don't fuck his head up with a phone at that age. If you can't be with him, make the best of when you can, or stop choosing whatever you chose instead of him. Your fault if he grows fucked up.
Are you serious?
The most "suitable" phone for a 4 year old is one without a battery.
Really, you need to focus on more important things for your child at that age.
If you want news from today, you have to come back tomorrow.
No hone is suitable for a 4 year old.
buy him a book, an erector set, lincoln logs. Do not get him hooked on the electronic teat at such a young age. My father was an engineer and even though he worked late hours, he still would take me to the ice cream shop at night and help me with my homework and have dad and son time. The time he spent was quality.
The Revolution Will Not Be Televised
https://www.kytephone.com/ Looks like it's a device administrator app or something like that. Worth looking at...?
Direct store link: https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.kytephone Looks like it's got pretty good reviews.
In other words: Maybe get a super cheap android phone and stick this on it...
64GB iPhone 5 with gold plating plus $10,000 iTunes credit.
Get that over-reaching sense of entitlement embedded early.
Cryonics - Keep cool and carry on.
The best phones are the plastic ones you buy at the local bric-a-brac store. Sometimes these phones even let you call Elmo who will say "Hello", sing a song and wait for you to call the next person
. .
A 4 year old can't seriously have cell phone. Besides, they will lose it almost immediately. Have them use the phone of the adult that is caring for them. Buy that person a phone, and tell them how it should be used.
Dude, just don't. I understand you want to speak and see your son, but the reason 4yo don't have phones is because they are not ready for their use. Let the kid play with playmobil and later lego. Let him be a child and when he's ready for a mobile, he'll tell you by putting it on his christmas-list. I wish you wisdom with your decission and hopefully you'll find a beter way to keep in touch with your kid.
Eventually your capillaries will merge and you will form one all-knowing toddler-adult hybrid. I, for one, bow down to you, Todd-lor.
Is this a joke?
No.
Just
No.
If you aren't looking to make an immediate purchase, the Omate TrueSmart watch works out very well.
Still a few bugs to get sorted out with the current developer edition, but it is a phone with GPS and a few other niceties in a watch form factor making it difficult for a child of that age to lose.
Thirty four characters live here.
What is so important to you that you choose to leave your kid? Whatever it is, stop! These are the years during which your kid will confuse batteries with gear wheels! The years where he will think cars are magical things that make the world move around him, and where nothing quite makes sense, although it somewhat seems to him like he does. If you blast him with "daddy on a phone", and a "phone that plays games when you touch it", as well as other complicated concepts to infants, you will most likely damage his development and understanding of the world!
Speaking as the parent of a former 4-year-old, I don't think this is going to work the way you imagine. You're better off getting an adult to help your son initiate a Skype call on a computer or tablet. A preschooler simply doesn't have the cognitive ability to read and respond appropriately to error messages and prompts, nor will he have the attention span to carry the phone everywhere on the off chance that you'll call. And, once the call comes through, it will be hit and miss as to whether he would actually respond the way you hope (it's not unusual to see a child of that age say "Hi!" to a close relative over Skype and wander off - they don't mean to be offensive, it's just that it's hard for 4" screen to compete with whatever draws their attention in the real world). That said, I understand your desire to be in touch as much as possible and hope you can figure something out.
Not only would I recommend against doing this entirely, but there is no phone that can actually do what you're asking. Some phones can do parts of what you'd like, but are you really going to trust a smartphone to a 4 year old child who does not have the capacity to understand what the device in their hands is capable of? Here is a better idea -- give the person who is chaperoning your child the phone and have them schedule with you to allow your kid to chat with you when you're away. When they are in school, there is no reason to have a phone. The teachers and administrators of the school have phones if there are emergencies. Not to mention that some schools flat out disallow it or confiscate such items. Don't read this as completely negative, its just feedback based on what I've seen. I didn't have a personal phone until I was in college. I'm not suggesting that at all, but not at 4 years of age. Maybe double that is reasonable.
If you need to get in touch with him, call his sitter or day care and ask if they will put him on the phone. No way in hell a 4 year old needs a phone.
The only thing necessary for evil to triumph is for it to be pitted against a slightly greater evil
http://www.fisher-price.com/en_US/brands/laughandlearn/products/38776
You're welcome.
A witty saying proves you are wittier than the next guy.
You need technology to free up more of your time so you can spend it with him.
Perhaps automation can help?
Futurist Traditionalism
I understand you want to keep in touch, but I'm at a loss for why this needs to be a mobile device, particularly one that a 4 (!) year old is likely to use, and that's not even approaching the problems with having a 4 year old use a multipurpose device like this.
Perhaps it would help to clarify why this has to be mobile? Why do you need to bug him at school? If he's at a home, why is Skype insufficient? Why is using a mobile device required? He will forget to charge it, lose it, and be unable to use for anything else if you lock it down.
The reason we can't Skype is because her and her fat flabby "she-husband" run around the house naked.
A good lawyer would easily take the kid away from them.
Circumcision is child abuse.
In one case, the kid talks to her dad all the time on the iPad in FaceTime. That's because Dad has to travel to make money - and that's just a reality. Props to him for having kids. The world needs more smart people.
These kids will turn out fine. A phone isn't going to fuck up a kid.
My advice: Get your kit a tablet and put one of those armored goo-tolerant cases on it. If there's times when they shouldn't use it, explain it's not available. This seems very straightforward.
The kid doesn't need their own phone or tablet for this. If they want to facetime/skype/call a parent out of town, they can ask their other parent/guardian for said device to contact the parent out of town. Just because they can use one doesn't mean they have to own one. 4 year old kids without tablets/phones will turn out fine. Not having a phone isn't going to fuck up a kid. We all did fine without them.
The only thing necessary for evil to triumph is for it to be pitted against a slightly greater evil
I have a 4 year old that knows how to FaceTime, knows where to look at in contacts and knows who is who. You can lock the phone down. I'm assuming you are traveling or getting divorced and reserving judgment unlike most on here.
Shop around for a good deal on a lot of fifty phones. A four year old will lose them, drop them in the toilet, throw them away, throw them at the dog, and every other conceivable way to get rid of a phone because he's four years old and cannot comprehend the notion of external value. So, if you are hell bent on doing this, buy at least fifty phones so you won't spend all your time shopping for another phone. I assume you must be rich to even be asking this question in the first place.
A 4 year old shouldnt have a phone, a 14 year old shouldn't have a phone. We really need as a society to get off the cell phone kick. Very few of the people who have a phone need one.
If you read the comments on Facebook you will see it has it's share of problems, however:
The Nabi is an Android tablet aimed at kids including 4-year-olds. It has age-appropriate software and parental controls that let you lock it down and install Skype. All the child needs is a wi-fi connection and a parent to help set up and explain.
(Flame war tags: Facebook, Android, lock down, child, age-appropriate, parent, Skype)
My first computer was an Apple ][e from a garage sale at the age of eight (circa 1993) and it took me very little time (maybe a year) to figure out how to dial up the local freenet on my 1200/300 baud (couldn't get a stable connection at 1.2 kbaud!) modem, register an account with a completely fabricated credit card number and fictitious identity (I recall I specified my address as 123 Pooskin Rd.), and enjoy several months of access to lynx and pine. Ah, the good old days...
Of course, when my parents found out, they freaked out and made me call up the freenet folks and apologize. I pretended to leave a message on their answering machine but (thanks to text files I'd read) I knew to put my finger on the "hang-up" switch while reciting my apology and explanation. The account worked for several more years (bless those techno-anarchists' hearts for recognizing a kid in need), but my dad went ahead and purchased PPP dial-up service shortly afterwards to prevent any more "incidents."
The moral of this story? If your kid needs mobile LTE internet, better give him a phone. Otherwise, he's going to get an early start on subversive behavior, perhaps stealing other people's phones.
Fisher Price is the only maker of a phone you should give to a 4-year old.
You haven't been completely clear, but if the mother has primary custody and wants to limit your misogynist contact, she can obviously control the amount of contact you have. The specific device won't matter if she won't let him use it, or simply takes it away.
If she has called you a misogynist pig in any way that was recorded and which can be proven, you need a lawyer to deal with this I'm presuming you are not actually a misogynist pig, so your wife's unstable slander would be useful if you want to gain more control.
As for specific devices, at 4 your son knows what you look like. Why is video chat better than simple audio phone? There is still this thing in the universe called copper-wired POTS. You can phone at times you both are available (if the mother doesn't interfere) and at 4, you might be able to teach him how to phone you.
If you mean you can't keep in touch because you're a business traveller or divorced or something, get a laptop with a webcam, or a tablet, and have him leave it at home. If you want video games, get a DS or something... It's better at games than the phone will ever be, and the times when he's not allowed to game are easily managed by not letting him have it (or open it, or whatever) during those times.
If you mean to keep in touch during the day... Please don't. At this stage in his development he needs to learn how to live without his parents a couple hours at a time.
You do realize these devices are literally like crack to them, right?
You mean these 4 year olds are smoking cell phones? Wowzer.
Better smoking it than heating it up on a spoon and injecting that shit.
If you think I voted for Trump because of this post, you're wrong. I voted for Dr. Jill Stein of the Green Party. Again.
The kind that takes 14 years to deliver. You know, like when your kid is old enough to legally enter into a contract with a cell phone provider.
If you happen upon a used iPhone, such as a hand-me-down from someone that upgraded to the newest shiney, you likely can find a good deal on an older 3g or 4 model.
Then you can use the free enterprise/IT software iPhone configuration utility (Link is to the Windows version, but there is a Mac version as well)
This will let you create policies to push to the phone to limit resources and lock settings down.
You can give it a fixed set of contacts that can't be modified (for you and other close family),
limit facetime calls and data usage to avoid extra charges on your cellular bill,
lock the apple store to varying levels (including completely - highly recommended if you link it to your own itunes account!),
as well as enforce other app and setting limits.
The idea is normally an IT department would get in a batch of phones, link them all to the company itunes account, and push predefined settings and limitations. Then they are assigned to employees.
In this case, just think of it as crazy detailed parental control settings.
It also provides for IT department control during use, where it would be inconvenient to get your hands on the device. You can push apps to it if/when needed, to location finding and locking, etc.
You can even go all advanced and set it to keep a permanent VPN to an openvpn server you run, so you can reach the phone as long as it has some form of 3g or wifi connectivity.
Personally I couldn't really recommend purchasing a new iPhone for a 4 year old, but if your the one that ends up with the relatives old computing gear, free would be a good deal to take advantage of.
The only other functional equivalent setup for a smartphone that I'm aware of would be a Blackberry device... But unfortunately this needs way more always-on infrastructure on the back end to even make work, such as the blackberry information server, and something to link that to such as an exchange server. Not too many people have that already setup however.
I've not yet found any such equivalent software features for Android.
Assuming it does and it's something you can run without a full IT department of resources behind it, the phone itself might be a more attractive option to purchase new or used.
Lastly, if you are willing to drop the video conference call requirement - dumb phones would be a perfect fit for a child.
They have some pretty rugged models out there for very cheap, so losing $25 on the phone isn't as big of a deal if it gets lost, stolen, or broken.
Just be mindful of data connections (aka avoid that cell plan option if you can!)
Todays dumb phones seem to purposely go out of their way to rip people off in data charges.
Most phones these days have dedicated "mail" and "web" buttons that can not be disabled, will always charge the minimum 1 minute of data usage no matter how fast you exit the app by slamming the end button (something you may remember to do, but your child will not), and they seem to locate these always-on rip-off buttons right around the most common functions such as send/end/ok and the dpad.
IMHO a lot of models are also lacking in the parental control department, so do your research before buying a model.
Good luck!
When my son was 4 I gave him my Droid Incredible, which was deactivated when I upgraded. He liked it, and would play angry birds sometimes. He also took pictures (the camera isn't great but it's better than pretty much any kid's camera available) and listened to music on it. It was pretty impressive the way he customized the device, too.
My friend gave his son, who is a little younger, an iPod Touch and an iPad around the same time. I know his son uses his devices more than mine.
Contrary to the bulk of these responses, both children were up to the task of having and caring for a modern touchscreen device. You'll want to slap on a good case, and you need to know you can trust your child with it, but they're fine.
As for the recommendation... Well, this is an area where Android is playing catch-up with iOS. iOS has lots of parental controls so you can lock down default apps and prevent installation of unauthorized apps. I don't think either OS is particularly easier to learn, but the ability to control some aspects of the OS might make this an easier sell to the child's other parent, or just easier to monitor for you. If you get an Android device, I suggest you get one that can use the user profile features in Android 4.3 (it was added in 4.2 but there's more control in 4.3.)
However, I'm not sure a phone is really necessary. In fact, I think a phone would be more likely to be dragged around when not needed and more easily lost. It's more likely to become a nuisance. Since your son won't be with you, you have to consider the people he will be with. You don't want the device to become a problem and be taken away.
I would suggest an older device, this way it's less of a loss if it's broken or lost. At this point, you could easily get an older iPhone, iPod Touch, or iPad. A first generation Nexus 7 isn't a bad choice either. I'd go with one of the tablets, personally. They're better for video chats.
Blogologue's 3.9 year old son wants a phone, but doesn't know how to ask daddy for it. So he hacked blogologue's /. account and posted the question. Later he is going to spike his coffee, and make him think he wrote the post himself during a late night of slashdot reading.
That makes the most sense.
If you think I voted for Trump because of this post, you're wrong. I voted for Dr. Jill Stein of the Green Party. Again.
To answer your questiong in lieu of judging you, giving you parenting advice, and prying into your personal life (as everyone else seems to be doing) I would suggest this. LG Migo VX1000 is very robust, can dial 4 pre-programmed numbers, and also 911.
:)
Smart phone and video chat is probably out of the question for a few years. At 4 years old I would be concerned he's too young to even handle a device like a Migo. Be prepared for lots of accidental calls to 911
Best of luck with everything!
If it ain't broke, don't fix it.
I'm a firefighter, my wife's a paramedic...we're away from our kids (not simultaneously) for 24 hours each shift.
Facetime is a wonderful thing for when one of them needs, well, a little facetime with whatever parent is at work. They get to chat with grandparents as well.
We bought a couple of refurbed iPod touches, put them in otterboxes, threw a few apps on them, and handed them over. They can facetime us as long as they have wifi (at our house, family, close friends), their texting is limited to iMessage and locked down to the existing contacts...this way they have an opportunity to learn proper etiquette and manners about the phone and texting and pictures.
They're 7 and 8, have had this for two years, and they're not little tech junkies. Also, I'm not paying an extra $40 per month per kid for connectivity that's only occasionally necessary.
First thing that came to mind.
Update the title to mention that you have a crazy ex who won't allow any contact. That'll definitely cut down on the number of rants.
Or it will change the nature of the rants from "you're a shitty parent" to various white knightings and people who believe that men experience equal justice before the law in family courts.
Jesus was all right but his disciples were thick and ordinary. -John Lennon
Uh. The kid is like...FOUR!
Not saying they're too stupid to use a phone or too irresponsible to keep/maintain one.
But they're four years old.
Try to remember back to the time when YOU were four.
Remember how adult and responsible and totally "with it" you were?
Kinda tough eh?
If you want to keep in touch with your rugrat, talk with his care provider and look at possibly setting up a computer with Skype or something.
But a phone at that age is just way too much, way too soon.
Chas - The one, the only.
THANK GOD!!!
Kid probably has wifi at home so why not just give them a tablet? My son can make skype calls when he wants. Usually netflix. There is a time for everything, and my son is very active and always outdoors. Not teaching your children how to use technology well is stupid. My son uses Scratch to make simple programs, can't even read yet! Your kids will be the slow ones in class.
Your 4-year old will stick around the home most of the time anyway. Get him a WiFi iPad. Lock it down, put some games on it, call through Facetime.
Avoid that Android stuff, it is way too hackable and not nearly as easy to lock down. 4-year olds are crafty IT demi-gods.
If programs would be read like poetry, most programmers would be Vogons.
As something for gaming and learning it could be useful, and could provide a way of contact with the right app. But please, that it won't be his only toy, a lot if learned by touching and feeling things and textures, and using and abusing devices with a flat cold surface could harm his development, no matter how attractive are for them.
I really don't see the purpose in giving a mobile phone to a kid who cannot read; just getting them to use it properly and be able to interpret problems with it in a coherent manner would be a huge barrier. Besides you don't want him using it while in school; so why not get him a tablet to keep at home for your videoconferencing?
Damn_registrars has no butt-hole. Damn_registrars has no use for a butt-hole.
Good luck with that. I pal of mine has spent the last year trying to get his kids returned to him. He had full custody in California, and when the kids went for a 1 week visit to their mother's house in Illinois, the state decided they would just give her full custody and declare it illegal for the children to leave Illinois. When the cops came to deal with the physical abuse, instead of sending the kids back home to the father, the state of Illinois decided to seize custody of the children themselves. No one claims the father provided anything but a safe and loving home to the kids. The state of Illinois just decided that putting the kids in jail (for their protection from their mother) is better than allowing the kids to return home. And that is just scratching the surface of the abuse that the courts have put on these kids.
The short version of the story is, men and children get screwed in divorce courts. A good lawyer is only as effective as the mother wants to let him be.
As others have mentioned, arrange a time and have an adult help your child use Skype (or something along those lines). After all, you need to keep in touch with your child. You don't need to be able to contact them 24/7, nor do they need to contact you 24/7.
The benefits of this approach are enormous. It is much less expensive. You don't have to worry about the phone being lost or broken. You don't have to fret about them using it at inappropriate times since it is much easier to monitor a computer (or livingroom game console if you let them play video games). It will be easier to encourage them to get out and play with friends, or to play with toys that they manipulate physically. That's important, since toys encourage more imagination than games (or videos, or books for that matter). Scheduled calls also help to establish routines, rather than impulsive behaviours.
Think about it.
Don't get HIM a phone. If you must, get a phone that you hand off to his teachers/day-care/babysitters when you aren't around, so you can call in an emergency and so they can call you from a number you recognize in an emergency.
Once you've established that it will be adults in control of the phone, just get any old phone that can do video chat and which is on your network.
But a 4 year old with a phone in his possession, for him to be responsible for? Unless you have very unique requirements and a very responsible almost-4-year-old kid, this is probably not a good idea.
Knowledge is how to play a game, intelligence is how to win, wisdom is knowing what game to play.
A real phone could lead to too many problems, but there are specialized phones for kids, like the LG Migo. http://www.lg.com/us/cell-phones/lg-VX1000-migo
Well, it IS Illinois, perhaps the most fucked state in the union.
When Fascism comes to America, it will call itself Anti-Fascism, and tell you to give up your guns.
Tech is not going to -fix- this. It could help, but I would recommend a more structured approach, i.e. a schedule, and another adult facilitating the connection.
Now, as to having him be able to get in touch with you when needed, unless things have changed drastically, or are different where he lives, you will find that schools do not allow students to have phones on their persons during the school day. If you are lucky, they will permit it, powered off, in the locker, which is hardly of practical use in situations where he would NEED it, and my kids did not get lockers until grade 6 or 7. Set him up with a phone at age 4, the schools will deprive him of it at age 6 or so, defeating the purpose, and causing unneeded stress.
Short answer, bad idea, for a lot of reasons, not the least of which it's just impractical.
-Red
And seriously, make time for him. This is not a substitute. It's a way to contact him on the weekdays.
Wow! Have you ever been to New York?
need a phone, he or she needs a human being from whom he can learn, to whom he can turn whenever he feels the need to, who will protect, comfort, and support him. If you can't be with him or her long enough, find someone who can. You sure aren't the only person facing this problem. Technology is not the solution you're looking for, after all we're talking about raising a human being.
is "misogynistic" spelled right? I need to know!
Get him one with an app that will. Give instruction on how to avoid creating. Sentence fragments. ;)
The guy doesn't have access to his kid. This sort of thing happens to men all the time. I have read enough of your posts to know that you are fully aware of how messed up our society can be concerning gender. Instead of telling this guy that he is abusing his child because a court doesn't like penises, you should be applauding him for doing his best to find a way to be a part of his child's life.
My child did just fine with a myTouch when he was 4. Some children are destructive, and some children are not. A properly chosen phone is far more rugged than a Nintendo DS, and kids do just fine with those. For less than $50 he could get his kid a used myTouch. An extra phone line can cost as little as $5 a month. So, for as little as $110 a child can have a father for the next year.
My nephews and nieces are doing just fine with an iPod Touch. It's basically just an iPhone without a cell radio, and they have WiFi anywhere they'd want to use it. You can pick those up for $199.
My 4-year-old has his own 7" Kindle Fire HD. The 8.9" is a bit too bulky for most little hands. It has excellent parental controls and, with a subscription, a large variety of books, apps, and shows he loves to explore. Best of all, you can set a daily time limit on each kind of media. I know I don't care how many ebooks he reads. I installed Skype on it and gave him access so he can call Grandma, any of his uncles or aunts, or me when I'm on the road for work. It's about the same as an iPod Touch.
Whatever you get, make sure you set rules and limits. It can't just be a free-for-all.
There is a difference between "insightful" and "inciteful" other than spelling.
There's the Jitterbug Touch 2. This is intended for seniors, but useful for kids. Big buttons and icons, limited functionality.
It doesn't do video calls, though.
The only phone for a 4-yr old is full of candy.
Look dude, we understand that you are hurt because she left you for another. And even worse she left you for a "fat flabby girl". But your attitude stinks. Your kid WILL have 2 mothers and a father. That is a fact. If you go around him calling them "cunts" and all sorts of stuff, you will fuck him up, because whether you like it or not he will have affection for them both and there is nothing worse for a kid than having to chose between parents.
So for the kids sake, man up and stop being a jerk. There are loads of decisions that you and your former partner must be able to cooperate around, so you must find a way to be civilized around her.
And back to your question, the kid should not have a phone with him to kindergarten. Not only does it disrupt the kindergarten but it will also get destroyed or lost in a week. Even if he is a little kid he must be able to feel he has his own space, not being constantly on guard because daddy might call. Give him a cheap android tablet that he can have around the house. Then he can be in his room and skype you, without you risking seeing naked people.
A good lawyer would easily take the kid away from them.
Not a chance. Here is the algorithm that divorce courts use to determine custody:
bool
getsCustody(parent)
{
return parent.hasPenis() ? NO : YES;
}
I'm thinking, one of those phones for old folks, with big buttons. Alternately, I saw an ad for a phone a long time ago made specifically for young children. It had two big buttons -- "Mom" and "Dad". Probably would be considered not inclusive enough in this day and age.
My daughter got her first phone at eleven. I only regretted it once, when she loaned it to a friend who racked up $100+ in text charges. It took her a long time to pay that off from her allowance.
Oliver's law of assumed responsibility: If you're seen fixing it, you will be blamed for breaking it.
Just so you know, I am a Stay At Home Dad and have been nothing else for 20 years. When Marissa Miller pulled the plug on working at home it was this sort of half halfheartedness that she was shaking out of Yahoo's business model. If your are working, then work and give either your employer or customers your complete attention. If you find yourself unable to separate from your child then stay home. You can't do both. Don't lie to yourself and your child that a cellphone is a replacement for your being there. It's not. When I married my wife we decided that childcare was of paramount importance. Since she was a well paid professional and I was a struggling student (Yes, I got that lucky), I stayed home. The son went to school in the day and I went at night, or he stayed with family. Yes, Family! You didn't disturb Mommy; Auntie, or Grandma, or Uncle or me or whoever took care of what needed doing. There was somebody who's job it was, and is, to take care of my son. As more children arrived my duties - Think about that word for a moment - Duty; ... my duties have continued. And by the way, Yes, that means I finally didn't finish my degree. Instead, I am there for my children. Yes I've had to sacrifice to do that. My children are worth it.
A 4 year old is not able to handle a phone and is too young to be allowed to make the judgement of when to call you. They need to know to call 911 in an emergency and stay on until help arrives - unless there is a fire, then they get out! Go to someone trusted and have then call for help. That is it. They should be cared for 24-7 and their caregiver will make any calls needed. If you can't trust your child's caregiver to make every fucking decision that needs to be made get another caregiver or do it yourself ! A cell phone will quickly become a stick to bully whomever is the caregiver. "If you don't give me more ice cream I'll call daddy and he'll be angry at you"
Save your money and send your kid to a good school. I always recommend a Montessori if at all possible. You will learn that one of the first steps to raising a healthy, happy and independent adult is having them learn to separate. They start to learn this at about 4. Yes you go away, and yes you come back. At school they learn to operate as a member of a society with rules and responsibilities. With family you learn to be part of a family. A mutually dependent social structure. That means every member needs every other. This is what you want, to raise a good person.
- Agree a time with your child and their guardian, once/twice+ a week
- Phone them, on a LAND LINE
- Talk to them.
Now your child knows exactly when you will call, and, so will you.
You will both be in the right frame of mind to talk, as you actually planned this.
Using a mobile, especially at 4 years old is idiotic parenting at its greatest.
- Dont force your child into bad habits so early.
- Dont make them become obsessed with the mobile phone (always checking it for updates)
- Dont give them a mobile (games console) that they can play "whenever they want"
- Don't ruin this childs life. If you cant, you would be wise to let the child go from both your lives.
Yes, yes, yes. Parents really need to understand how their hate towards someone the child loves will fuck up the child. Seriously, this is important: respect the child's mother for the sake of the child.
I cannot even begin to describe how much my life has been fucked up because of the abandonment fears that fighting between my divorced parents caused. I was always living in the household of a parent that I was told was evil and wicked by the other. And then when one parent got too depressed to care for me I was thrown to the other parent who eventually kicked me to the street. I was used as a weapon for my parents to fight. They were too busy with their hate to see how fucked up I became (and I was booted out for being too depressed--my step-mother was going to leave my father if I didn't go).
The article poster needs to ask himself if he wants the child to have 14 years of spiteful and antagonistic relationships between parents before the child is an adult. Does he want the child to develop attachment issues and develop an intense fear of intimacy? Does he want the child to develop mental health problems that may never be resolved? Or can the poster be a man and treat the mother the way that the child would want?
No. He's fucking 4 years old. He should be out playing, making mud pies, scraping his elbows, shit like that.
It sucks you can't see him as much as you'd like, I'll grant you. But he's a fucking four year old.
This seems as good a time as any to remind people not to believe everything they read, that there are trolls on the Internet, and responding to them only encourages them.
This is all summed up in the ancient Internet nugget-o-wisdom "please do not feed the trolls".
Cheers for now.
Did he have court ordered full custody, or a verbal agreement about custody in CA? I've seen many places where verbal agreements like that are not honored. But with a written custody agreement in CA, he should have called the FBI in CA and reported a parental kidnapping.
But yes, people that have messed up 100 times then cry when the one time they actually try using the system it doesn't do exactly what they want go cry about how badly the system they ignored for years abused them.
Learn to love Alaska
It's unfortunate that you can't be with the kid, but who is this idea of a phone about - is it about the kid or you, because do you really think that a kid is four year old can really understand that this is a compromise and accept it? Do you really think that child who does not yet really understand the concept of independent actors will incorporate a video-dad properly into their life when real-dad is missing out on major events?
No phone.
-- A change is as good as a reboot.
Sad but still completely true.
I pal of mine has spent the last year trying to get his kids returned to him. He had full custody in California, and when the kids went for a 1 week visit to their mother's house in Illinois, the state decided they would just give her full custody and declare it illegal for the children to leave Illinois.
You should talk to your lawyer about that, but I believe the answer is... pursue action against the mother in California. Since she lived there very recently, your state should have clear legal jurisdiction over the matter.
Get a judgement from a court in California, and then go to Illinois to have the judgement enforced.
Or else, try to get criminal charges made against the wife --- she'll want to come answer for the charges, or else face extradition.
Either way... you can't flee across state lines to avoid civil or criminal charges in another state; the judgement made in one state can simply be executed in the other, as long as the judgement is made in a court with jurisdiction over the individual.
I can back up this guy as I have seen it happen here in AR too. doesn't matter if the bitch cheated, she is a piss poor mother, she has a vagina and that is pretty much all that is required to get full custody in this state. I have seen friends that were fricking GREAT dads lose their kids to women that ended up being junkies or drunks or just fucking everything with a dick, didn't matter, the courts will go with the female if she has a pulse.
ACs don't waste your time replying, your posts are never seen by me.
Reading through the comments, it seems most people are questioning the wisdom of giving a 4-year-old a smartphone, rather than just answering the damn question. I'll give you the benefit of the doubt and assume you've already made up your mind about giving the kid a phone and truly are at a loss for which phone to choose.
Sorry to say, but you're really just overthinking this. The best smartphone for a 4-year-old is one that is compatible with the carrier you intend to use it on, has decently protective cases available and isn't so expensive that the world will end if the kid drops/breaks it. Since you neglected to mention carriers, I'll just pick a few phones that are along the lines of what you might want.
T-Mobile / AT&T: Unlocked Samsung Rugby Smart SGH-I847
It's $150 on Newegg and is a tough, water resistant phone smartphone.
Verizon:
For durability's sake, a Kyocera Hydro Elite would be ideal, but Verizon wants $350 for it. If Verizon is your carrier, you're probably best off shopping for a second hand phone.
Sprint:
Kyocera Hydro
It's $220 from Sprint without re-upping a contract and Boost Mobile (Sprint's prepaid division) has it for $160.
There are plenty of parental control apps in the Google Play store and it's not like you generally have to worry about a 4-year-old hacking their way around them. If iOS is your platform of choice, you're pretty much looking at a minimum of an iPhone 4 in a LifeProof case. As things typically go, Android is the less expensive option.
---
DRM is like antifreeze, to the MPAA/RIAA it's sweet, to the consumers it's poison.
Price
I'm going to assume that this isn't just a troll post. It is a pretty freaking ignorant question.
Wearing every single one of my hats (teacher, parent, part-time academic in linguistics (and, in particular, child language acquisition), techie, etc.), I'm going to claims some authority when I say this: DO NOT GET YOUR 4YO A PHONE. Mostly I'm adding to the chorus above, so I'm not going to bother rehashing the reasons against that everyone has already given, but I will add a couple more in dot points:
@ We have enough problems with the social reliance on phones in adulthood, but in early adolescence it's a disaster, let alone infancy. For adolescents, phones bring with it all sorts of problems like increased risk of cyber-bullying, exposure to age-inappropriate content, and problems with Google/Apple sponsored apps^h^h^h^hscams. There is no good way to stop this for teenagers, so how are you planning to stop it for a toddler?
@ Remote parenting does not work, and fairly consistently causes problems - you know all those parents whose Dads were at work until late at night? How did they turn out?
@ There is no type of "play" involving a phone that isn't better done by a kid, physically, in the real world. A block sorting game on a phone? Brilliant, why not do it in real life?
So you're saying there's something he can do about it...
Citation Needed
An Invisible Entity of Vast Power whose existence must be taken on faith alone: Liberal Media
Such complicated code with unneeded chances for bugs. Use the following instead (assuming parent has already been null and type checked):
bool getsCustody(parent)
{
return !parent.hasPenis()
}
bool
getsCustody(parent)
{
return parent.hasPenis() ? NO : YES;
}
Code like that belongs on the daily WTF... "parent.hasPenis()" is a boolean function.
No sig today...
florida called, they want their title back.
Technology is cheap and easily accessible, making it the ideal solution for most of our social interaction problems. No one knows what this real reasons are for not being able to see his kid, but why not write letters, include photos etc, someone should be there to read them to the child and the plus point is that they will have something to treasure from a parent that loves them.
I agree with the gist of what you are saying - buying a phone won't give the father or the child any more control over how and when they communicate. But:
Why is video chat better than simple audio phone?
I travel for work a lot and Skype video is infinitely better then audio phone for talking to my 3-year-old. If I try to talk to her on the phone she will often either lose interest, listen in silence, or say things like 'I'm playing with this." - "What?" - (holds up toy to phone) - "This!" - "But what is it?" - "It's THIS!"
On video I can talk to her, but also watch her doing her own thing, playing, talking to me when she wants to and showing me things for me to comment on. She can see me, understands better that I am there with her, and neither of us are under pressure to come up with random things to say. It's a completely different experience and one that reassures her when she misses me and lets me see what she is up to, how she is progressing, and understand her mood better.
A phone doesn't solve this problem. Please try (I know it's hard) to solve this problem and not the silly symptom of not being to able to skype with your kid. I know you miss him, but you really need to deal with this on another level. If your ex is uncomfortable with her kid skyping with his father because she's running around naked, maybe she should limit the times she runs around naked and you and your kid should limit the times that you two skype. It's not as if she can answer the door if she's stark and she is bound to have a solution for that already.
I was promised a flying car. Where is my flying car?
If the phone you get him costs more than five cents to replace and activate, you're going to regret this. He will lose it at least once a week. He's four.
So true. one of my best friends has to pay his ex-wife child support for 3 kids, 3 kids that live with him. The mother is in prison for 15 years on a trafficking charge but the court will not grant him custody because she could be out as early as 3 years.... Thanks Maryland.
I've got trouble getting my 10 year old to use a phone -- I can't see how you'll accomplish it with a 4 year old without surgery...
any phone will do, just duck tape it to the back of the child's head , set the phone to auto answer on speaker phone and your ready to go.
http://cdn.iofferphoto.com/img/item/985/572/87/o_2DeyRlFrMivDa12.jpg (mine is still somewhere in the attic I believe ... or the basement ... after 40+ years ...)
Anything else means you're not fit to be a parent, IMNSHO ...
it would be good to be able to turn off for example games and so on during time in the kindergarten. So other kids don't go around asking their parents for a smartphone.
Of course other kids are going to go around asking their parents for a smart phone, because "It looks cool".
Assuming it gets that far without being broken or taken away by the parent/teacher.
Oh how poorly you seem to know kids?
http://www.datamath.org/Speech/MyOwnPlayphone.htm
what do you base wifi using less power on?
world was created 5 seconds before this post as it is.
I am in a similar position. My ex-partner moved ~3000km away taking our daughter with her.
There is a massive difference between voice-only and video. While voice is fine for a one-off and quick chats while out and about, it does not keep the attention long.
The you don't have all the visual ques that are so important when speak to a little one. For example trying to read a story without being able to see if you kid is engaged is very hard.
Trying to tell of a child when they can not see you is hard as they can not see that you are upset.
Wow, I should not post when knackered.
Replying to myself. I am doomed.
Playing games via voice only is damn near impossible. Personally I want to go a step up from video and get a WiFi arm so I can play board & card games with her.
Wow, I should not post when knackered.
Seen it happen in Texas. Pal of mine had one daughter, married a lady with three kids of her own. She ran off for two years, leaving him with HER kids. She came back seeing her kids from time to time, but never having anything to do with them other than a visit once every couple of weeks. He effectively raised the kids most of their elementary school lives. Then she met another guy, started divorce proceedings, took her kids back (well, I guess they were HER kids, even if they had hardly seen her in the past three years).... but the thing that really gets me is she tried to get him for child support - and he wasn't the biological father of ANY of the kids! And the state was going to allow it! He lost all visitation rights. Yet not once did anyone claim that he had been nothing but a kind, loving, sacrificing father.
In the end, I think that the only thing that ended up happening is she got her kids, no visitation, no child support, and no division of assets. I guess you can say he got out lucky, but he did loose any visitation with the kids he had raised for three years after she abandoned him. At least he got to keep HIS daughter.
I've seen a few other guys have similar issues - loving, kind, caring fathers, mother's a witch, even abusive, but kids will get awarded to the mother or another family member before the father. I've seen courts take kids out of loving households and place them in abusive homes and then try to blame the physical injuries the child has on the parents if someone even made a hint that the father was anything less than perfect and the mother tries to stand up for him.
The system is broken, ran by social workers who are way underpaid and overworked (knew one who was really good, had a masters in the field, top pay in the field was $30k a year, and would often work 14 hour days - but there are tons of bad ones too, or ones who just don't care anymore), and it seems that it is almost easier to send someone to death row over a dad winning custody.
Long story short - men get screwed by the system.
And I guess the moral of the story should be to make sure you really know a person before jumping in bed with them. Sadly, I think many people end up learning that the hard way (if they ever learn it at all).
None. a 4 year old does not need a phone.
Next on slashdot, " What tablet is the best for my cats?"
Do not look at laser with remaining good eye.
Whoo, isn't slashdot full of angry little losers. This perfectly reasonable post gets modded "flamebait".
Watch this Heartland Institute video
>"the kid's mother is a cunt"
>"she 'decided' she was a lesbian"
>"fat flabby she-husband"
>"GO FUCK YOURSELF AND YOUR SELF RIGHTEOUS BULLSHIT, YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE"
>ex doesn't want me living with my child and calls me a "misogynistic pig"
Your ex may have a point.
It matters. A stream of strangers sleeping in the same house, never knowing who's going to be next, is disruptive and unsafe. Those strangers often have direct physical access to the kids, and it should be considered from those grounds, much as running a bed&breakfast in the house should be considered for the child's safety. And if the male, or female lovers have mom over visiting them constantly, what are the arrangements for overnight child care?
The same standards can, and do, apply to single dads who try to date.
Yes, it is in the declaration.
And as for your question, obviously with a FileNotFoundException
"It's such a fine line between stupid and clever" -- David St. Hubbins, Spinal Tap
Egads. I think that the money would be better spent on a lawyer, as the child would just lose the phone (or his mom would simply take it away from him).
I am very small, utmostly microscopic.
I sympathize with the submitter: dude, your situation sucks. I know of a similar case. Why do so many women decide to have a kid before deciding they're lesbian? That sucks.
On to the phone: I've got young kids, and I'd personally choose the cheapest price (read: easy to replace) and strongest build quality possible. I'm thinking of something like a $20 Samsung clamshell. Put speed dial on the keys, so your kid long-presses "5" to reach you and "6" to reach grandma and "7" to reach social services (kidding, that last one, ha ha). 4 year olds are perfectly capable of understanding this.
On the other hand, that phone is going to get sand in it from the sand box, fall out of a pocket from the swings, and get peanut butter and jelly on the screen. It's going to fall into the bath tub and/or toilet approximately once a week, etc. My kids are 5 and 3 and you'd be amazed the things they do to electronics.
I'd not get the kid a smart phone, even if it has fun games. You want games, get him/her something else like a fun kid's tablet or an Xbox or something. Keep the phone a phone, so he/she can talk to you every day.
Bonus points: don't give the ex-wife the number. "I'm not a misogynist. I don't hate all women: I only hate YOU!"
If this were Usenet, I'd killfile the lot of you.
Probably always was a lesbian but needed a few things from you.
1/2 your DNA
child support payments
Whatever the reality is for this man and his ex, my heart breaks for this little boy.
What an odd thing to say. Ever heard of Mississippi? How about Alabama? Tennessee? Missouri? Florida? Kentucky? North Carolina? South Carolina? Arizona? Indiana?
You'd have to only be aware of maybe 5 US states to think that Illinois is the worst one.
One of the memes on the Daily WTF is from a piece of submitted code where somebody had defined a "boolean" type with three values, true, false and "file not found". The parent is referring to that.
All I want is a secure system where it's easy to do anything I want. Is that too much to ask ~~ Randall Munroe
4 year old kids generally don't read slashdot ...
Lets say he had said "She left me with our son because she decided she was a lesbian and is unwilling to ensure she and her partner walk around clothed in the house and thus refuse me video chat for privacy reasons". Would it have changed anything?
I'd still have thought that if it were true they were cunts ... I'd also have thought that if it were true he was showing remarkable constraint and political correctness in his speech.
So much anger in this thread.
Mine own child was using a phone since she knew how to say yes, no and OK.
How are you? OK
Have you been to playgroup today? Yes
Um, did you have something nice for dinner? No
They're slow and painful conversations at that age.
And now we have phones with video.
There doesn't need to be any outrage or claims of bad parenting.
This post contains benzene, nitrosamines, formaldehyde and hydrogen cyanide.
Nothing except phone/video, and only accept calls from you and allow calls to you. If you allow any fun function, the phone will be drained of power at all times. Also, if it even looks fun (like a smartphone) his schoolmates will take it from him. Of course being 4, he'll lose it anyway.
Sure. Just like aspirin.
Eat them like candy and die a horrible bleeding death.
Or... you know... Indoor plumbing.
People slip and crack their skulls in the shower all the time.
Scary stuff.
Mit der Dummheit kämpfen Götter selbst vergebens
How about a iPhone 5c? /ducks
Android 4.3 now has multiple user capabilities, where features can be disabled: http://www.howtogeek.com/170191/share-your-android-tablet-and-keep-your-privacy-with-a-guest-account/
I'd say have 3 accounts: Admin, for Kindergarten use (no games), and for play time (Kiddie has to ask a parent for the password)...
What time is it/will be over there? Check with my iPhone app!
It sounds more like he's simply pissed. I would be too if the woman I'd had a child with suddenly decided that she didn't want me anymore and ran off with someone else. The fact that she apparently switched sexual orientations is just icing on the cake.
Is no phone at all.
If the person the child is with most of the time isn't open to letting you call or skype with the child, this isn't going to help things. You can't give a four year old a phone and say this is yours no matter what mom/dad/grandparents say. The person who takes care of the child has complete and total rights to say the kid can't have a phone. If this is your issue, you need to solve it differently. Buying a phone and handing it to the kid will just complicate things further. If the issue is that there is limited access due to purely technical reasons, i.e. no internet in the home, caregiver doesn't have a phone that can be used for personal use, you might have luck getting a cellular enabled tablet. What you need to do is setup times you can call or skype with your son, with the person who is caring for him. Then you can figure out the devices to use. Handing a 4 year old a phone and saying keep this with you so I can call you isn't going to be a viable solution.
This sounds great. Shame I can't mod you up anymore.
get a pair of smart phones (that have simple Root Support) setup his phone with a small contacts list and a way to dial FROM THE CONTACT LIST ONLY when locked. Install RA software on his phone and set the lock code.
its either that or get him a Just Phone.
In any case i would install tracking software on the phone and tell him it installed.
This will come in handy when somebody asks "Its %time% do you know where your kid is??"
Any person using FTFY or editing my postings agrees to a US$50.00 charge
Yeah, I only know of women having legally guaranteed rights to property and real estate as recently as the Code of Hammurabi in the 18th century BC. While the Code of Ur-Nammu (21st century BC) and the Code of Urukagina (ca 24th century BC) both give some property rights to women, I haven't seen any laws specifically giving them concrete, irrevocable ownership.
remote communication at a time where being remote, either physically or emotionally, is considered by most to be child abuse.
Great - so now more women than men are responsible for child abuse. Just great.
I'm a minority race. Save your vitriol for white people.
An iPhone is the only reasonable choice for a four year old. A gold colored one at that so it doesn't get confused with the other pre-schooler's phones. You should also purchase an iPad II (with accompanying Apple Care contracts for each, btw) in case he wants to surf porn at day-care, or perhaps order a dildo on amazon. He won't need to burn up the battery on the phone for these things, so you'll still be able to contact him.
Really dude, if you are worried about your 4yr old needing to contact you in case of emergency, the make sure they're in the hands or responsible caregivers. If you ex-wife is a neurotic psychopath get the separation agreement amended for supervised visitation in an appropriate setting (eg: no, not your psycho wife's house). If you're just needing to spend a little more time with the kid, take a vacation day once in a while and spend the whole day with them. If you're close enough for it, go over and have lunch with them on your lunch break.
Stop equipping your kids with everything that blinks and makes noise.
Join the Slashcott! Feb 10 thru Feb 17!
I have seen a massive number of comments from well meaning people telling the OP that giving the toddler a phone is wrong. Please consider this advice to ignore those well meaning but short sighted comments. We gave our daughter her first cell phone at age 8, 20 years ago. She had specific requirements: it was to be in her locker during the day at school, or if she forgot, she was to leave it with the teacher for the class and get it back at the end of class. It was to be on, but set to silent/vibrate only to avoid disturbing others. It was a voice phone- the smartphones are a bit more of a distraction. Calls at that time were always charged against airtime minutes, and 1 hour on the phone was as much as one horseback riding lesson an easy choice for her to make. If she went to an event and we would have to pick her up, she was to have the phone with her and answer it immediately when we called to see where she was so we could find her. She had our cell phone numbers programmed into it, and if she went on a school trip, the chaperone's number and anyone else "in charge" were added. Her mom traveled 3 - 4 days a week for work and I ran IT for a 7 x 24 company which sometimes meant staying late or being heavily in demand, and she knew she could always reach me, and always be reached. The "right" parenting is what works for you, not what everyone else tells you is the way to do it. You will need to manage the use of the phone the same as we did, and set the rules appropriate to their use, the same as we set rules appropriate for our time and our daughter. Interspersed with the "don't do it" comments have been a few with decent suggestions on what to use, and I would agree - Lock in a contacts list and allow calls from the list. Teach them how to call you and make it easy to find with an icon/smartkey on the screen. Lock down the "play store" or Itunes store to parental consent, and teach the child never to accept a call from someone they do not know, or that is not in their contacts list, with a picture on the contact so they can identify the caller. Handle the phone and set their understanding of how it is to be used with the same concern you do any of the other parenting tasks, and tailor it to the child's needs and your plan for what they will be allowed to do with it.
Unless the battery is removed, they can still call emergency services. And once a toddler realizes someone will answer, they'll keep calling.
I'm in my right mind and I have the answer to everything!
Take the money you'd use to buy the smartphone to by a cheap netbook/tablet or a used laptop. Then get the internet wherever they happen to be. You can email, Skype for free, in a couple years when the kid needs a computer for classwork s/he will already have experience with one and there is mostly no issues with the kid being distracted at school or the kid's classmates wanting phones too since it would stay at home.
I assume you're from California, considering it's marked absence from your list...
An enigma, wrapped in a riddle, shrouded in bacon and cheese
I have 6 y/o triplet boys, and they have had ipod touches since they were three. They have helped them learn to read, play games, and do all kinds of age appropriate stuff. More importantly, they can call me with facetime! The first time that happened unexpectedly I was surprised and proud... Now its actually helped in an emergency once when they locked themselves in their room, their mom was outside, and they called me while one of their brothers was climbing out on the roof to get her attention.
We don't allow them in the bedroom after bedtime, before or at school, and occasionally take them away for punishment. I wish we could time-lock them the same way you can OSX, but other than that, they have also been useful in teaching responsibility.
This is, of course, all assuming AC above is actually the submitter, and not some troll messing with you.
An enigma, wrapped in a riddle, shrouded in bacon and cheese
Seriously, kids that age should be playing with other kids, not having their parents helicopter over them with a digital tether.
Phew... for a second there I thought you'd mention Arkansas. Hurray for the Natural State, where our unofficial motto is, "Thank God for Mississippi."
Who's voting this down? Come on moderators, the guy speaks the truth and you know it.
I won't even buy my 16-yr-old a phone for a lot of good reasons.... why would you buy a 4-yr-old one?
Maybe a cheap android tablet but certainly not a smartphone.
--Kevin
http://www.amazon.com/Fisher-Price-77816-Toddlerz-Chatter-Telephone/dp/B00000IZOR/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1380552645&sr=8-2&keywords=play+phone+for+4+year+old
photosMy Photostream
You know what, I'm getting very tired at this 'citation needed' crap when someone is clearly providing an anecdote, and not regurgitating research.
It makes you seem smug and smart internally, but really- to anyone with a brain it makes you seem small, petty and very uninteresting.
---Up Up Down Down Left Right Left Right B A START
Fisher Price.
That button is called "call my parent"
If your 4 year old is extremely mature, you can also have a "call 911" button.
That is all.
Geebus !
Won't a four-year old lose his phone ?
Why don't you implant a chip in his brain ?
-- kjh
You know what, I'm getting very tired at this 'citation needed' crap when someone is clearly providing an anecdote, and not regurgitating research.
What part of "men are much more likely to abuse children than women" and "[custody by the mother] is better for the children 99% of the time" is an anecdote? The "Citation Needed" seems appropriate when someone is making wildly expansive claims with no evidence to back them up.
(Maybe you're hiding -1 posts and not actually seeing the messages these "small, petty and very uninteresting" people are actually responding to?)
Fanatically anti-fanatical
FTFY.
Confucius say, "Find worm in apple - bad. Find half a worm - worse."
Citing someone who didn't have to pay child support, give up half his assets, or anything after a divorce as an example of the problem just because he didn't get to keep her (ie. not his) children is a pretty poor example... I can throw a stick and hit two people with a sadder story than that.
You cannot simulate care and love through a phone. Especially not when you take into account that you are talking about a four year old. Reflect on his capabilities to understand the world. And then think if a phone is doing any good. But for a video chat most present Android models are capable of such gimmick and it should be a robust waterproof device.
We just DDOSed Fisher Price! What have we done?
Why on earth would a child of that age need a phone? Hell, would a child of that young age even be able to use it? Sure, they might have help with it, but if they did get help then wouldn't it simply be much easier to just use the adults phone to videochat rather than give the child a phone so they can video chat?
I understand the desire to keep in touch with loved ones back home, I really do. I spent a number of years in the military and I was deployed several times. But giving a child of 4 years a phone is not a good idea*. Let the little one go off and play with the other kids and if they want to speak to you then they can just tell the your other half! It'll be better for the little one, better for your other half and better for your bank balance.
*Honestly, I think it's not a good idea to give kids phones at all. If/when I become a parent I will avoid giving my children tech like that if at all possible until they reach 12 or 13.
Because having a stream of men she don't know from Adam who have access to the kid can be fucking dangerous? You know how many pedos go after the mom to get access to the kid? And the kid don't know WTF is going on, just that there is a constant stream of strangers in their house at all hours of the night...that is scary for a little kid man.
And I would have said THE SAME THING if it was a guy fucking anything with a vagina, those kinds of constant disruptions are bad for a young child.
ACs don't waste your time replying, your posts are never seen by me.
Take a look at kajeet.com. The phones are full price, but the plans are quite reasonable. They have _excellent_ parental controls.
Your maybe was correct ...sorry about that. my point still stands as a general observation of the greater net.
---Up Up Down Down Left Right Left Right B A START
omg guise, obviously parent is an instance of a class... // I'm assuming protected, as only certain other classes should determine custody? idk
protected function getsCustody() {
return $this->sex === self::SEX_FEMALE;
}
I mean, if it was the OP, he'd have no reason not to use his account (since, you know, the content identifies him). This seems very likely to be a troll.
This has to be one of the most troll/cringe-worthy threads I've seen on /. in a while. The OP responding to everyone via AC and in rather hostile fashion for being told what they likely knew would be the answer to such a question. Assuming that said AC is even the OP...but no matter.
I was only able to make it about 1/2 though the posts before I had to say something that I'd not yet seen. That thing, whatever you get them, will be broken within a month. If not sooner.
I don't care how awesome you think your spawn is, and if you don't know that you are biased then you have even bigger problems, they are 4...years...old! Think about all the ways adults break such devices all the damn time. Go and read some stories from people who work in cell phone shops about adults who try and claim all sorts of crazy shit about how their broke device, that they clearly broke/dropped in water/whatever, was "not their fault."
Yeah. I get that if even half of what the AC who claims to be the OP is true that they are in a tough spot, pissed as hell about it, and looking for some sort of solution. This is not the solution. If for my point alone, never mind all the other good issues raised in this thread.
Really, I know what I'm doing...Ohhhh, look at the shiny buttons!
My son got an iPod Touch when he was 4, for the express purpose of FaceTime with me and his grandparents. He doesn't see me daily due to a divorce. I set up the device with favorite contacts and a few games for him. He can't take it to school, and FaceTime requires WiFi, so he pretty much just uses it at home. He brings it in his bag when he travels between my house and my ex-wife's house. He is 7 now, and I can't see that it has affected him adversely. He gets good grades, reads, plays outside, has friends, etc. He probably uses the iPod Touch less than I played Atari when I was his age.
Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from Macintosh...
outside of a toy phone kids that young should not have phones. The kid should either be at day care with a trusted day care person, baby sitter or with you.
Only 'flamers' flame!
I have a kid that started with a Nintendo DSI at age 1. (Nerf armor for the win!) That DSI was bought for his older brother and sister. But we couldn't stop the little guy who was just sooo curious!
At 2.5 years of age, he bogarted his sister's Linux computer. To the point where we had to get her another computer. (At least we started him out right, with FVWM.)
Presently, he's 4 years old, and a big fan of Android tablets. DragonBox, AngryBirds, PlantsVsZombies, TuxMath, you name it! He, like is siblings, is a avid reader, Star Wars fan, and loves LEGOs. He's a normal kid. He's just very curious about computers. And, thanks to DragonBox, really good at Algebra.
I suggest you ignore the naysayers. If Dad's a geek, and Mom's a geek, odds are junior won't fall far from the tree. Why deprive your kid of what he craves to play with? Where's the harm? I know I still recall being held back because my parents felt reading Apple II manuals was inappropriate and I should be outside playing baseball with the other kids. I hate baseball!
Just go WIFI, lock it down, put it in a good case, and you're all set. WIFI will limit access from school or other inappropriate locations. Oh, and be aware of power supply issues. Little kids find it difficult to put power plugs in right, and to avoid bending the wires. So watch out for trouble there.
Something else to consider would be a chromebook. Or even an Apple MacBook. (Better power connectors.)
Gmail or whatever else it's called these days supports video chatting. We use that sort of stuff often when my wife or I are traveling, to keep in touch with the kiddies.
Ok, now we have established equilibrium - fucking strangers == bad. Yes, it can be, but don't put that on women. (I might disagree, because having sex can be done in a responsible way and there is nothing wrong with that...).
I mean, if it was the OP, he'd have no reason not to use his account (since, you know, the content identifies him).
That was the tip-off; well, the lack of a username, and that the general writing style of the submitter and AC don't even come close to matching.
An enigma, wrapped in a riddle, shrouded in bacon and cheese
It was meant for them.. right?
Well... my 8 year olds got cheap BLU GSM phones to carry around with them. Amazon has them for about $25, just above the free shipping threshold. Buy a pile, because kids will frequently break/lose them at any age.
http://www.amazon.com/BLU-T190i-Quad-Band-Battery-Bluetooth/dp/B00AA6WVBA/
First I made them carry around a toy phone with them for a month before they could not lose it. Currently both the 8 and the 11 year old break their phones (dropping them or getting them wet or mishandling them) once every few months. Fortunately at this point we haven't lost any SIM cards yet, since those are a bit more meddlesome to replace. Some of our friends had given their kids old smartphones. Those are all broken now too.
We have one of the family plans with T-mobile, so it was an extra $5/mo. per line on our bill, but they had some promotion where it was free for the first year or so.
If you really want to do Skype or Google Messenger or something, get an old laptop or tablet with a docking station that can live somewhere in the house and be always on. Built-in front-facing camera, so it's dead simple, set up the accounts and let it auto-answer so you can just pop in and say hi, if they're comfortable with that. Set this up in a little VTC telepresence area. Don't let them move it around or do anything else with it... if it's not able to stay on and fully powered and signed in, you won't be able to call it and it'll be useless for its intended purpose. Get them a separate device for "playing games" or "educational software".
If you go with a tablet, splurge for the docking station. I've never had a micro-usb cable stay connected and charged worth a shit, particularly when handled by children, but even in the gentle hands of responsible adults.
Take a look at Utah State Law on adoptions.
The mother need not:
Be present at the hearing;
Be a citizen of the State of Utah;
Be a resident of the state of Utah;
The father need not:
Be notified of the hearing;
Be a citizen of the State of Utah;
Be a resident of the state of Utah;
Be present at the hearing;
Be told the results of the hearing;
Be represented by legal counsel;
The father can be, and usually is denied all legal rights to the child, but is not denied the responsibilities to the child;
The adoptive parent, or parents:
Need not be residents of the state of Utah;
Need not be citizens of the State of Utah;
Have to meet a minimal means test, to legally adopt the child;
For the father, imagine the following sequence of events
Being told that the child was stillborn;
The child is adopted within the state of Utah, without your knowledge, consent, or authorization;
Five years later your wages are garnished for failure to pay child support on the adopted child;
That scenario is fairly close to standard operating procedure, for adoptions in the State of Utah. Especially the point that none of the parties --- adoptee parents, biological father, biological mother --- have any nexus within the state of Utah, or to the state of Utah. Not even members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, or any of its splinter groups.
This is the reason why mothers-to-be that want to be especially nasty to the father of their child, have the child adopted in Utah.
Amber
Wind Beneath Thy Wings
An anecdote is like your grandad who smoked 90 cigarettes a day and lived to be 103.
So the answer is neither.
What they are (in common with 93.76% of internet facts) is bullshit results/statistics. If they aren't made up, then [dramatic pause] cite the study that produced them.
Confucius say, "Find worm in apple - bad. Find half a worm - worse."
But with a written custody agreement in CA, he should have called the FBI in CA and reported a parental kidnapping.
You obviously aren't aware of the divorces, where one set of states have awarded custody of the child to one parent, and a different collection of states have awarded custody to the other parent, and a third group of states have awarded custody to one of the grandparents.
Then, just to make things complicated, the custody battle gets extended through the legal system of two or three different countries, preferably on different continents.
Amber
Wind Beneath Thy Wings
I can predict the future: The guy asked "what phone for his kid" and I bet you 99% of the answers will
be variants of "don't give a phone to a kid" or "its not a good idea for a kid to have a phone" and perhaps
"giving a phone to a kid is bad parenting" or variations thereof.
Can we just give the man a simple, technical answer to his question?
Let the doo-goooders deal with social issues elsewhere.
Get him an iPod Touch and just use FaceTime or Skype when he's on wifi at the house.
The real WTF is that he's not using parent.countOfPenises().
But yes, people that have messed up 100 times then cry when the one time they actually try using the system it doesn't do exactly what they want go cry about how badly the system they ignored for years abused them.
I can't parse what you are trying to say here.
Not my children, but for the dad in question... No, that doesn't work. As a rule, states will not issue criminal charges against someone who is in a different state for doing something that the other state specifically authorizes them to do. Not to mention, he has a penis and she has a vagina. Thus he does not have equal rights in the courts of either state.
The dangers of cell phones are not entirely known. There are some signs that they are not good in the long run - and especially not for kids.
There are animal studies that have shown that radiation from cell phones have killed brain cells and suppressed cognitive abilities.
There are doctors and scientists within radio-medicine that are dead-sure that we are going to see an epidemic of primary brain tumours in cell phone users in ten to fifteen years.
There are studies that hint (but yet none that prove, that I know of) that cell phone radiation could even be addictive.
A four year-old's brain is smaller, which means that there is less tissue between the phone's antenna and the areas in the brain that are responsible for higher brain functions. A kid's brain is also developing at a fast rate than an adult brain, which means that any change would have a greater impact later in life.
I say, let your child choose to use a cell phone or not when he is old enough to make an informed decision. In ten years time, we should know a whole lot more about the matter and your child should be a bit wiser as well.
I also don't think that you should let him use a digital cordless phone either (because they radiate more than cell phones do).
Whenever he borrows someone else's cell phone, he should preferably use a handsfree instead of holding the phone directly to the skull. Even a Bluetooth headset is better: it radiates a thousandth of what a typical cell phone does.
"We mustn't be caught by surprise by our own advancing technology" -- Aldous Huxley
That is the case here. The courts acknowledge that the guy is a great dad. They acknowledge that the his home is healthy and happy. They acknowledge that he has been raising his kids with full legal custody. Their response to this is to issue full custody in their state, and when the police come because of domestic violence in the mother's house, they arrest the kids. Issue shared custody between the mother and the state of Illinois. Issue a court order that the children cannot leave the state of Illinois. Start drugging the kids because their instance that they want to go back home to their father in California makes them victims of the mental disorder Oppositional Defiant Disorder. Thus instead of sending the kids home, they drug them. One of the two they physically tortured with the excuse that they needed to keep sticking him with needles to draw blood in the attempt to figure out why he insists that he wants to go home to his father.
Citation Needed
Obama came from Ill and his Senate seat was for sale before it was cold. No other State has done that before or since.
Since when is "public safety" the root password to the Constitution?
Yes. Full legal custody in CA. The feds will not get involved in custody disputes. This kind of thing is not uncommon.
That's hilarious. The FBI has run advertising campaigns about their willingness to get involved in custody disputes. Explaining that parental kidnapping (crossing state lines in violation of a custody agreement counts) is something the FBI takes seriously.
I can't parse what you are trying to say here.
I've met fathers "abused" by the system. They generally ignored the system or fought the system (not the other party, but the system itself - yes, I've seen someone in a custody battle sue the judge for treason because the flag in the court had fringe, which they asserted is a violation of the US Code definition of the flag, so it was a "foreign" court). After trying to sue the judge presiding over their custody hearings, they don't get a good result. And they blame the system, not their personal insanity. But they are the first ones to talk about how "the system" is against them, and all that.
Learn to love Alaska
Not my children, but for the dad in question... No, that doesn't work. As a rule, states will not issue criminal charges against someone who is in a different state for doing something that the other state specifically authorizes them to do.
The potential criminal act = kidnapping the child and taking the child out of the state.
The other state cannot de-criminalize their actions in the home state after the fact of the crime.
The only suitible phone for a 4 year old.
You obviously aren't aware of the divorces, where one set of states have awarded custody of the child to one parent, and a different collection of states have awarded custody to the other parent, and a third group of states have awarded custody to one of the grandparents.
You are right, I am not. Generally, the procedures start with both parties being subpoenaed, and the party with custody presents the agreement and the "other" court defers, unless there are very unusual circumstances. If the father lives in CA with the child and the mother moves to IL and files in IL for custody, the IL court should get a copy of the CA order and tell the mother to fight it in CA, where there is an existing order, and the child is in CA.
You are right, I'm not aware of such conflicting orders, as they are unconstitutional - violating full faith and credit, and there are federal laws set up specifically to deal with conflicting custody, The Uniform Child-Custody Jurisdiction and Enforcement Act ("UCCJEA"). The child's home state is the *only* location where custody orders should be initiated. So when you have a CA order and live in CA, the other parent can't start a case in IL for custody.
Can you give any examples? I don't dispute that it "could" happen, but it likely wouldn't, and theoretically can't, if either parent follows the processes and procedures properly.
Learn to love Alaska
A) The children were not taken across state lines in violation of a custody agreement. They crossed state lines for a one week court mandated visitation. Once there, they were denied the right to go home. B) Those times that the FBI are willing to get involved in are cases where no state recognizes the parents custody. In this case, Illinois issued custody of the children to the mother during her visitation. The FBI is not going to decare one states custody order to supersede another states custody order. Irrelevant of who's order was issued first. C) The Illinois court acknowledges that the fathers home is safe and loving. There is not even the slightest suggestion by the mother or the courts that the father has done anything wrong. D) The state of Illinois has claimed joint custody with the mother because the children keep needing to be removed from the home due to the violence in the mothers home. E) You are a misandrist, and it is people like you that make the abuse of children by women a common occurrence.
The children legally went to the other state on a court mandated visitation. During the visitation, the mother had the courts issue an "emergency" order to give her custody. Unfortunately, that means the kids were not legally 'kidnapped'.
The children legally went to the other state on a court mandated visitation. During the visitation, the mother had the courts issue an "emergency" order to give her custody.
Again; a lawyer should review the circumstances. It's possible the mother made a material misrepresentation to the court or failed to provide relevant information, that resulted in an improper order being issued.
It also would seem that the court in Illinois might have illegally interfered with the order issued by the court having jurisdiction over the custody matter.
a) most custody agreements stipulate no crossing of state lines for that reason, though even so, it's an interstate kidnapping, which the FBI will investigate.
b) That violates federal law. Uniform Child-Custody Jurisdiction and Enforcement Act requires 6 months residency of the child for the state to have jurisdiction.
c) irrelevant to whether IL has jurisdiction. They don't.
d) Sounds reasonable, though it would have made more sense to have the joint custody be with the father.
e)I hate myself and my two boys? How exactly does that work. My mother and sister worked in welfare (my sister worked for CPS/Texas, and my mother for Dallas County Family Court). I've heard many many more stories than you. My sister came home crying one day (then over a period longer than this sentence implies), packed up everything she owned into the car, and drove to Alaska to start over. She had the choice given to her. Leave a child in a home with loving parents, or pull the child out because the parents refused to deny an uncle access to the child so she was being raped by the uncle. Both decisions are bad, which would you do? She didn't want to be the person that left a little girl in a situation that would guarantee a rape in about 6 months time. She didn't want to remove a girl from a home with two loving parents. She left so that others could be burdened with such choices.
The men that were denied custody almost all were mean to the judge in court. The judge (rightly or wrongly) would take the inability to be civil for 30 minutes in a structured environment as an indication of their dealings with the children, and it was mainly the egotistical "entitled" argumentative and rude that lost their children. It's hard to believe they are "loving" when they express such hate, knowing the hate would be used against them. It shows a lie, and lack of self control. Men are their own worst enemy.
And you worded your words carefully such that you imply there is widespread abuse of children at the hands of women in the sentence after you talk about this case where there was violence in the home. Interesting that you don't specify the source of the violence. From my personal knowledge and bias, I'd read between the lines that she's shacked up with a man that beats her. That doesn't sound like abuse of the children by a woman. So, who is performing what violence in the home the children live in? If it's not a woman, why the dig about all the violence towards children performed by women?
Learn to love Alaska
Hi. Sorry that you are away from your son more than you prefer. Everyone here assumes it's divorce, but for all we know you work on a nuclear sub or a marine biology platform away from home for months at a time. Either way, you deserve our sympathies for having to be separated, and you deserve our support for wanting to stay close to your boy. For me it was divorce around when our son turned 3. We had (and still have) shared custody with him living with each of us on certain days. But for practical reasons, he's with his mom more, so the issue of how to stay connected was most important for me. In my experience, a child that young has a tough time staying focused and connected to a voice on a phone. A voice alone is somewhat of an abstraction. As you surely know already, kids are really concrete. My son at that age found it difficult to stay focused and pay attention on the phone. If he held the phone himself, he was as fascinated by the buttons and the neat sounds they made when pressed as he was to talk to me (or to talk to my ex when he was with me). And if an iPhone with shiny screen buttons, even more distracting. If my ex held the phone near him on speaker phone, usually as he took his evening bath, he'd stray in and out of paying attention. It's just hard at that age. I gave my ex my old MacBook so that we could do Skype and/or Facetime (when latter came along). That helped a good amount. Voice plus video is a lot better. Matters not whether it's an iPod Touch or iPad or laptop. Clear audio plus video equals better likelihood of paying attention and staying connected. My son is 8 now. We still do the same arrangement, wherever he is, he calls the other parent and tries to do video chat every night. Neither of us has gotten him his own phone, and I think it will stay that way at least another couple years. He uses my ex'es iPhone or laptop to call me or he uses my iPhone or laptop to call her. I think it's better that we parents maintain control of devices and not let him have a phone for his own, at least so far. He'd be overjoyed to have a smartphone, no doubt about it, but we know that less phones and screens and more friends and outdoors and diverse activities is better. I hope you find a way to make a good connection. Good luck, -- Josh
Problem is that instantly replacing said phone does not teach the right lessons to the kid either.
I first gave my son a mobile phone when he was about 10, when he started at a distant school involving taking public buses to get there. It was an old brick (late '90s nokia), and attached by a string to his schoolbag for the first few years. Even so, he still managed to lose it a couple of times (fortunately we always recovered it, even if it took several weeks).
Now at age 15 he's pretty good about it, so he gets a modern smart phone.
Do you really think that the father just threw up his hands and said, "Shucks, I'm too dumb to get a lawyer!" Of course he has lawyers. It doesn't matter if the mother made material misrepresentation to the court. The court doesn't care. The police have intervened and removed the kids multiple times due to violence in the mothers home. The court has allowed CPS to drug the kids because they want to go home to dad. The courts have decided 'penis bad, vagina good'. Throwing out what should happen in a fair and honest legal system doesn't help when the courts are completely corrupt and openly discriminate against a group.
Quite frankly you should be getting him a child oriented phone, one that has preset buttons to call the numbers that need to be called.... YOU, one or two other family members, and 911. At the very least the phone should have maximum parental control, with major controls on who can CALL that phone. Under no circumstances should this be an iphone (way too subject to theft!) or standard android smartphone. Phones to consider. Kajeet. Maximum parental control options Firefly GloPhone Simple few button design, easy for kids to relate to. LG Migo pretty much the same reason
A) Clearly not, since that isn't what is happening. B) Whether it violates the law or not, the men with guns say the kids stay in Illinois, drugged by the state. C) Irrelevant to whether IL has jurisdiction, dad becomes a fugitive if he takes his kids, and men with guns will do their best to prevent him from taking his children. D) No it would not make sense to have joint custody with the father. There is no excuse for the state of Illinois to do anything less than return the kids to the father in California where he has full custody. E) Yes. You hate yourself and your two boys. It is sad that your boys are growing up with a person that tells them they are genetically inferior, but that is their unfortunate fate.
The fact that you would judge a man you don't know, and have never met simply because of his gender is proof positive of just how much of a misandrist you are. Of course all you see is evil men and women as victims. You are broken, and that is all you can see. Reality doesn't come into play for you anymore.
And, yes, the mother is committing the violence, but even if she wasn't, using the courts to take her children from a safe and loving home and dragging them into a house filled with violence is the act of a truly evil person. But, you wouldn't recognize that because your hatred of men is so strong that you believe the mother couldn't be doing the wrong thing. You believe that no matter what happens it is a man's fault. You. Yes you, are personally responsible for children getting abused because you promote their abuse. You advocate for their abuse.
I'll give you one: mine. Ex took off for another site with my son. Under no form of law in any state is what she did allowed. I had an emergency court order in the state we lived in before she even filed in her new state. It took a couple of years and probably $30,000 in legal fees to get the new state to stop saying "fuck you".
Jesus was all right but his disciples were thick and ordinary. -John Lennon
So true. one of my best friends has to pay his ex-wife child support for 3 kids, 3 kids that live with him. The mother is in prison for 15 years on a trafficking charge but the court will not grant him custody because she could be out as early as 3 years.... Thanks Maryland.
Can you say which county in MD?
Jesus was all right but his disciples were thick and ordinary. -John Lennon
Who's voting this down? Come on moderators, the guy speaks the truth and you know it.
White knights are legion on the internet.
Jesus was all right but his disciples were thick and ordinary. -John Lennon
Sex can NOT be done "in a responsible way" if its a revolving door to the bedroom, sorry but it just can't. The kid don't know who these people are, has constant strangers in the one place above all they should feel safe and comfortable,often end up hearing and seeing what they shouldn't, that is just fucked up.
And I have gotten to see first hand what that does to somebody, had a friend who watched his mom do a three way at 8 years old and who didn't go through a single night of his childhood without hearing his mom getting banged...he's homeless now,he started doing drugs and booze the second he was old enough to know what getting high was and last I heard he was living on the streets between OKC and LR, just panhandling for his next high.
ACs don't waste your time replying, your posts are never seen by me.
I'm not going to judge you, be kind, everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle. My heart goes out to you.
I don't have a phone recommendation for you, but something to think about - does it actually need phone service? Or could you get by with a wifi-only device, with Groove or whatever for phone calls, etc.?
And if so, I think you could hit focalprice.com for a cheapo Android handset, put a custom mod on it, and rig it for remote access, so you could maintain it.
As to custom controls for kids, the only device I've heard of with controls that sound like they might meet your use case is the Kindle. Could you consider a Kindle tablet, with again, wifi VOIP for phoning? I'm not as clear on what the remote-control options would be for such, to allow you to maintain it for the kinder.
Good luck!
"Ahh! I see you're in that indeterminate Schrodinger state where - oh, uh
C) Irrelevant to whether IL has jurisdiction, dad becomes a fugitive if he takes his kids, and men with guns will do their best to prevent him from taking his children.
Simply put, I don't think you are telling the truth. I'm not saying you are lying. You probably got a tainted view from your friend. You are asserting that someone with a valid court-ordered full custody in CA would be arrested if he took his kids back to CA, but that the mother without a court order took the kids and kept them in IL without legal custody, and he called the FBI and they refused to do anything.
I've seen such claims before, the issue was that the dad didn't call the authorities until after the 6 months had past, and the kids were legally residents of IL, invalidating the CA order. Then, realizing that he screwed it up himself, he turned it around and blamed the system that had no prejudice against him. He lies about it because he knows he's the *only* person responsible. That's what I've seen every time.
You. Yes you, are personally responsible for children getting abused because you promote their abuse. You advocate for their abuse.
I'm advocating a fair system. You are advocating a system that doesn't follow its own rules if someone somewhere thinks it wrong.
Learn to love Alaska
That's what generally happens. There's no written order, and one runs off with the kid. If it's not in writing, it doesn't exist. Though it sounds like the system did eventually work. The real issue with the system is that one party can cause so much cost on the other. There should be more balance in costs and burden over interstate disputes. Based on my reading of federal law, the new state should have been unable to do anything until 6 months had passed, and the original state order should have been the *only* one followed (unless the state she ran to was MA).
Learn to love Alaska
You are mixing causes and effects. I'm sorry for your friend, but I guess the biggest problem was not that 3-way he saw, but that his mom was not an responsible adult. And mixing sexual behavior is not the right way to assess that. It is an easy way, yes - calling somebody a "slut" is among the first thing teenage girls learn on how to insult others.
Keep telling yourself that. That way you can feel better about hating your own children. It couldn't be that the system discriminates against men. It must be that men are stupid, right? Seriously. Just be cause you are a man that hates his own sons doesn't mean every other man is as screwed up as you.
It 'worked' for very strange values of 'worked'. The ex engaged in forum shopping, in contravention of rather black letter law (in both states and at the federal level) that cost a not insignificant amount to rectify. My difference with a few things that you have posted in this thread don't relate to what the laws say, but rather with what I feel is a bit of minimization of the difficulty of getting them followed. Perhaps I'm misreading, as in this post you clearly state that that is an issue:
The real issue with the system is that one party can cause so much cost on the other. There should be more balance in costs and burden over interstate disputes
Somewhat of a return to the originalish issue: the cops didn't care that I had a valid order in one state. They were local rather than FBI, but I suspect it wouldn't have been any better with them. And the state wasn't MA. IIRC, when I went through this (about seven years ago) there were a couple of other states that hadn't adopted the UCCJEA. In my case, both states had that law on their books, however.
Jesus was all right but his disciples were thick and ordinary. -John Lennon
I note you don't address my points, and instead just insult me. And you claim I'm the misandrist. You are the only one hating on men here.
Learn to love Alaska
It 'worked' for very strange values of 'worked'. The ex engaged in forum shopping, in contravention of rather black letter law (in both states and at the federal level) that cost a not insignificant amount to rectify. My difference with a few things that you have posted in this thread don't relate to what the laws say, but rather with what I feel is a bit of minimization of the difficulty of getting them followed.
The law is mostly fair (almost completely fair now). The biggest issues are that the people who implement it may not be fair, and the people trying to use the system don't trust it because it wasn't fair.
My point was about most of the "it's unfair" stories come from those who don't use the system or had issues 10+ years ago. Though I did neglect to include the cases like yours. Where the legal system is used to harass. The US system is not well set up to prevent it from being used to harass. That's not technically a custody issue, but a legal system issue.
Somewhat of a return to the originalish issue: the cops didn't care that I had a valid order in one state. They were local rather than FBI, but I suspect it wouldn't have been any better with them. And the state wasn't MA. IIRC, when I went through this (about seven years ago) there were a couple of other states that hadn't adopted the UCCJEA. In my case, both states had that law on their books, however.
Theoretically, the local cops shouldn't care, but should have pointed you to the FBI. They've never cared when I tried to report fraud (419 scammers with names, addresses, and open lines of communication, but if I didn't suffer a loss they wouldn't even talk to me), so I have no idea if they would have done anything, but they are the only ones that could/would.
Learn to love Alaska
A 4-year-old does not need a telephone. If you want to talk to him, arrange to do it on the wall phone at the place where he is being cared for by a responsible adult.
"Who controls the past controls the future. Who controls the present controls the past." -- George Orwell
Most phones, even if you remove the SIM, will allow you to phone the emergency services (999, 911, 112 or whatever). I believe it's a requirement of the GSM standard.
This used to be the case in Germany but is no longer so. If I recall correctly, the number of prank calls (or misdials, or pocket dialling, or whatever) made them decide to remove this feature.
I don't know whether this is the case in all of Europe but wouldn't be surprised.
Esli epei etot cumprenan, shris soa Sfaha.
There is NO phone suitable for a child of that age. Buy him toys. If you really must be able to video chat or talk to him (for example, if you're away on business or the non-custodial parent) buy a cheap android tablet with a front-facing camera that can be given to his caregiver (mother, nanny, etc.) and you can Skype with him at pre-set appropriate times.
The problem is two-fold: one, he is far too young to understand the magnitude of the technology you want to give him and will not understand it's not a toy, and two, he's far too young to understand the notion of self-control. What if he wants to chat with daddy in the middle of pre-school, or daycare, or some other inappropriate time that he's not capable of understanding is inappropriate? This will only lead to distress and separation anxiety (or a worsening of any SA he might already have).
Seriously, just don't go there. I understand your desire, but it's a REALLY BAD idea.
...but are you retarded? 4 year old with a cell phone?!?
There are 2 groups of people you can make fun of on the Internet without fear of attack. The illiterate, and the Amish.
reading books.
Your point is that men are evil, and if the courts discriminate against them, then the MUST be a good reason for it, because men are evil. YOU don't address the point. The fact that the state of Illinois has in fact siezed the kids, has in fact drugged the kids, has in fact physically tortured one of the children, has in fact incarcerated the kids because they were being abused by the mother, and has in fact never had a bad thing to say about the father, they have splitting custody between the mother and the state, yet your only response is that the father MUST be doing something wrong because men are abusive.
You have made your position clear. You hate men and think they are genetically deficient. That is sad for you, and even sadder for your children, but trying to pretend that I didn't address your points is just self denial. Your final point is to just claim that it just isn't happening. I suppose that is one way to deal with child abuse.
You hate men and think they are genetically deficient.
No, that's your strawman to avoid talking about the real issues I presented. You are so angry about the issue that you can't think about it or discuss it at all. You need professional help, but I'm sure that's just a liberal conspiracy to reprogram unhappy people 1984 style, right?
Learn to love Alaska
And you've identified a big problem with laws: no matter how fair or neutrally they are written, they are interpreted and enacted by humans. Whereas machine code can be consistently and correctly be executed by a multitude of machines, the same cannot be said for laws.
Jesus was all right but his disciples were thick and ordinary. -John Lennon
The legal system is broken in a large number of ways, and can never be fixed. There's too much money/power behind the current system.
It's a shame. They got it 90% right, better than any other at the time, but still with issues that need fixing, and the fixes will never come.
Learn to love Alaska
Apparently that is what you tell yourself to feel good about your public endorsement of child abuse.
I've never endorsed child abuse, publicly or otherwise.
Learn to love Alaska
Having seen a great many of my friends 4 year olds... unless you want to be replacing that phone *weekly*.. you're going to need something damn near indestructible.. like the Sonim XP1300 Core, or, of course, the obligatory Nokia 3000 Series...
I have seen 4 year olds, when unattended for a second, put "Mommy's" Iphone/Android in the toilet, in the toaster, in the microwave, in the pool, bury it in the sandbox, drop it off the deck onto the flagstone patio to see if it would bounce, fling it across the room in a fit of pique...
Personally, my *opinion* is simply "no way in hell should a 4 year old, any 4 year old, have a cell phone, ever..".. but you didn't ask my opinion on that.. so my second option is just to recommend anything you can find that a Deity (should you subscribe to such beliefs) would have difficulty destroying.. That way it might last a few months vs a 4 year old...
"If 7 billion people say a foolish thing, it is still a foolish thing." -- Anatole France
Casteism
The 'Chatter Telephone' by Fisher-Price is a 'true classic since 1962' and helps 'develop hand coordination'. Go for it!
Learning about the birds and bees by seeing your mom take it up the ass? Sorry but it very much WAS the three way, along with seeing his mom used as a cum dumpster (sorry but I don't know a nicer way of putting what she was,hell the woman offered to bang me when I was 15 for God's sake) pretty much on a nightly basis? Sorry but that does tend to fuck one's head up.
And I'm sorry but there IS such a thing as a slut, or "man whore" if you want the male version, and you have every right to call them out on it. A human being simply isn't designed to be used as a dildo or blow up doll,hence why there is so many diseases that one tends to get when they use their body in that way. A child should NOT, I repeat NOT be raised in a house with a revolving door to the bedroom and if that is how you want to live your life? Fine then don't have kids or give them to somebody that will raise them right.
Hell I swore not to have kids but when my sis was diagnosed with a terminal illness and her 2 under 3 year old kids were dropped in my lap? I QUIT with the all night parties, the banging groupies (yes even bass players get plenty of groupies) and acting irresponsible. in the 16 or so years it took to raise them I had a grand total of THREE relationships and all were long term enough the boys could feel safe and comfortable with them in the house. Even with my fiance I waited until i was sure we were gonna have a long term relationship before introducing them to the boys, and they are both grown! Its the difference between being a parent and a sperm or egg donor and maybe if more people called a whore a whore, be they male or female, instead of condoning putting their own lust above the interests of the kids? maybe this world would be a better place. And for the record i don't care what you do in the bedroom, bang 100 a night if that makes you happy, just don't bring kids into that shit, okay?
ACs don't waste your time replying, your posts are never seen by me.
My youngest kid had the iPhone figured out by the time he was 18 months old. Doesn't mean I went out and bought him his own...
Yeah, family courts tend to give custody to the mother. If the guy split with the ex-wife/baby-mama amicably, they'd likely share custody and he'd be seeing his kid regularly. The fact that the OP isn't seeing his kid regularly suggests the split was less then amicable, or some other unstated circumstance that has resulted in mom getting sole custody. So, ignoring the age appropriate-ness (or lack there-of) of this idea of getting a four year old their own phone, what do you think the odds are that mom lets junior keep the phone, let alone use it? As a father of three, I'll grant you that four year old kids can be sneaky, but not "I'm going to have a cell phone mom doesn't know about" sneaky.
This one.
Pretend there is some witty statement here.
Dad had full custody because want the kids until she started hanging out with friends who had kids.
There is a good chance that you are correct about the poster's child not being able to keep the phone. People can be weird though. When they are doing horrible things, they tend to rationalize away that what they are doing is wrong. This can lead to unpredictable behavior like letting a kid have something that they wouldn't allow were they to acknowledge their own evil. So, while the mom might take the phone away, the cost of a cheep phone and a prepaid sim card might be worth the risk for this dad.
He just needs to be ready for it if mom decides child can't keep the phone.