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Tatooine Youth Suspected In Terrorist Attack
BeruHadItComing writes:
Imperial investigators are still trying to piece together what happened in last week's horrifying terrorist attack on our largest orbital defense station. Over a million loyal citizens, scientists, and medical staff lost their lives in the grisly attack while the station was being put through training exercises near the Yavin system. Billions more are in mourning, while a number of powerful senators have renewed calls to increase defense spending. Initial reports have confirmed Rebel involvement, and officials are making inquiries about a young insurgent from Tatooine with known ties to religious fundamentalists.
I think that's all that needs to be said.
That is all.
You're not even trying.
Seven puppies were harmed during the making of this post.
Ahh.. that reminds me.. Time to wrap an elastic band around the rinse nozzle on the kitchen sink, maple syrup in the hair shampoo, Saran wrap across the toilet basin.
If you're going to do April fools, at least be funny. Every year slashdot fails so hard on being funny on April 1st.
Wasn't the senate disbanded shortly before the attack?
Have you gone mad?
This happened a long time ago. Typical slashdot news timing.
news for nerds, stuff that was written by 12 year olds
How about a story about how Islam is a religion of peace? That would be a funny April fools joke, although I guess it's been done to death already.
I blame the parents. Where are they in all this?
In Soviet Russia, dot slashes YOU!
That's my cue.
Now to stop reading for over 24 hours while all the poor April Fool's junk slams the front page over and over.
It's now an annual ritual. See you at the weekend, guys.
.. same day
http://home.web.cern.ch/about/updates/2015/04/cern-researchers-confirm-existence-force
Bothan lives matter!
Lamest attempt at April Fool's type humor I've seen in a long while. Funny if you're 8 maybe.
I'm tired of all this forcephobia in the news and comments. It's the religion of feeling.
Every year I forget slashdot does this day of bullshit. More the fool me.
It's not remotely funny, and fucks up a good Wednesday.
Back on Thursday for me.
OPEN YOUR EYES DROIDS!!
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It was probably funny the first time it was celebrated, maybe even the second or third. Now it's just tedious and unfunny.
SJW's don't eliminate discrimination. They just expropriate it for themselves.
Just wait for the "funny" stuff on the second "April Fools Day", coming up in just two weeks... Its waaaaaaaay less side-busting funny than the first one... The second one has one of the world's most hated organizations behind it. I hesitate to even say the name... but we all (at least those of us in Amerika) know who it is...
The Infernal Ripoff Syndicate... I'm NOT laughing.. They're just EEE-vil......
https://www.youtube.com/watch?...
The RCCFS is responsible, for the uninitiated, The Republic for Cocksucking Cunts Fucking Shit.
"The Imperial Senate will no longer be of any concern to us. I've just received word that the Emperor has dissolved the council permanently. The last remnants of the Old Republic have been swept away." Grand Moff Wilhuff Tarkin[src] 35.3.5 http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki...
I doubt the rebel scum can pull off something like that. Proof?
1. Who the hell designs something that big with a gaping 2-meter wide flaw in it?
2. Lord Vader "conveniently" escapes any harm, "claims" he was attacked by some kind of garbage scow of a vessel.
3. The rumour mill has it that the same contractor who built the thing (in the Hutt family, IIRC) siphoned off most of the money, and then planned with the Empire to blow it up to hide that fact.
Forgetting, for the moment, of the whole "Vader was born on Tattoine, not Naboo" controversy (see "Birther Movement"), all this put together smells awfully bad. As someone who's smelled some pretty bad things (like the INSIDE of a Tauntaun), I can honestly say that the powers that be are lying to us all.
Anon.
P.S. Lord Vader is... a... s... arrrgh
Tomorrow, when this day o' /. bullshit is over.
Alderaan was an inside job.
Read it again and replace the Star Wars references with real ones.
Now consider that the good guys - the Jedi - are portrayed as the bad guys even though they are defending a planet from invaders.
Now, think about our own news media and how our politicians portray countries and people. Now think of the movies "Red Dawn" and how American kids are doing exactly what peoples are doing overseas to coalition troops. Explain how are they different?
I think this "story" is one of the most subversive things I have ever read on Slashdot.
WTF you're on?!!
This is not even funny. Thanks taking 1minute away from my life.
Because inevitably something is going to fool me and I'm going to feel stupid... I just want to go to bed and wake up tomorrow.
I've decided to stop wasting my time responding to AC trolls/sockpuppets... so if you want a response from me... login.
Weak. Very, very, very weak.
Alderaan Nevah Forget!
Aside from being desperately not funny, an attack on a military installation to stop it from destroying you is not a terrorist attack.
Come on, Slashdot! You used to be better than this! Please show us you still are!
Because: Star Wars, clever parody of a current blight on rational thinking, it's not Ponies, and Star Wars.
Happiness in intelligent people is the rarest thing I know.
Ernest Hemingway
at least we know nobody will be making a movie of this tragedy.
if this is supposed to be a new economy, how come they still want my old fashioned money?
The Case for the Empire
Are the "Rebels" in the Star Wars universe terrorists?
10 Reasons The Galactic Empire Wasn’t As Bad As Everyone Thinks
Who were the bad guys in Star Wars' original trilogy?
Your Terrorists Are Our Freedom Fighters (Warning: TVTropes link)
#naabhaprzrag, #sverubfr-000, #agi-fcbafberq, negvpyr[pynff*=' negvpyr-ary-'] { qvfcynl: abar !vzcbegnag; }
The reporter received incorrect information concerning one point of the story. Shortly before this terrorist attack, our glorious Emperor dissolved the corrupt senate, therefore all defense spending opinions on the part of former senators were rendered moot prior to the attack. All defense decisions are currently being handled solely by the Emperor and his executive officers, namely D. Vader, one of the heroic survivors of the terrible attack at Yavin.
If you do it right, you don't even need to change the references:
Desert Youth Radicalized by Bearded Religious Zealot
He seemed to others like a typical teen; having fun with his friends, going into town to pick up some power converters. But the boy's foster parents were worried he would follow a local anti-social, desert-dwelling hermit on some "damn fool ideological crusade". There are reports the old man may have lied to the youth about his birth father's involvement in the religious movement in order to gain his trust. From there, the two joined up with a couple of mercenary smugglers involved in human trafficking in an attempt to sneak past coalition blockades and gain access to military facilities. The old cleric apparently martyred himself in the initial attack on the base, which only strengthened the youth's resolve to follow in his mentor's footsteps. Even the mercenaries appear to have been radicalized, abandoning their business interests to join up with the movement.
Support Right To Repair Legislation.
The emperor disbanded the senate before the destruction. I believe he used an executive order.
Other then, relating to this at an elementary level. How or why does this constitute a posting on Slashdot?? I thought this was new for nerds not news for elementary school kids.. If it's a slow news day, find something plausable..
You will be shocked to learn that it's not always accurate, or impartial. You might also notice that the same is often true of the media who delivers our news. We now return you to your April Foolery, hope that wasn't a buzz kill.
Never let a lack of data get in the way of a good rant.
"Billions more are in mourning, while a number of powerful senators have renewed calls to increase defense spending."
The emperor disolved the Senate before the battle of Yavin, my understanding is that the regional governors now have direct control.
Tatooine is a real place in Tunisia (In the French dub, the planet is actually called "Tataouine", like the town)
It is currently a hotbed of ISIS activity.
Tunisia suffered a terrorist attack last month, with 22 dead.
The satire in this post is bound to hit some nerves.
"Their" women?
Apparently you believe the population is owned by its government, or women by men, or something similar.
They are not "their" women, they are just women. Women who are being terrorized and abused. Men too.
You will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy.
Shouldn't a "random" search at the Mos Eisley space port have caught him?
Let me guess, he was white?
The DHS has announced that it placed the entire Skywalker family on the No-Fly List. The FBI has placed Benjamin Kenobi aka Ben Kenobi aka Obi-Wan Kenobi on it's Most Wanted List. "We see this use of multiple aliases very often with the terrorists" said the FBI spokesperson. Meanwhile Luke Skywalker is sought as a 'Person of Interest' in recent disturbances on Imperial property.
Meanwhile the NSA is excited to announce that a talented & mysterious outsider, Annakin Vader (Darth to his friends!) has been recruited to head up the agency. "It's an exciting time, a new leader for a new day" said the NSA communications representative.
This is by far the most awesome article I've ever ready on /.
Please keep up the great work!
i was there! i witnessed it...