CEO of Silicon Valley's $400 Juicer Promises Refunds After Hand-Squeezing Demonstration (techcrunch.com)

Anthony Ha writes via TechCrunch: Jeff Dunn, the former Coca-Cola executive who became CEO of Juicero last year, has responded to a wave of coverage suggesting that the company's juice press isn't all that was promised -- and he's offering dissatisfied customers their money back. A Bloomberg report showed that Juicero's packs could be squeezed by hand, no expensive juicer required. Dunn's response? He doesn't deny that hand-squeezing is a very real possibility, but he does quibble about what you'll find inside, saying it's "nothing but fresh, raw, organic chopped produce" -- see, it's not juice yet because it hasn't been pressed. "What you will get with hand-squeezed hacks is a mediocre (and maybe very messy) experience that you won't want to repeat once, let alone every day," he argued. More importantly, he said, "The value of Juicero is more than a glass of cold-pressed juice. Much more." At the beginning of his post, Dunn said his goal was to "demonstrate the incredible value we know our connected system delivers." And if you're not convinced this is worth $400, well, there's another option for disillusioned Juicero buyers -- Dunn said the company's "Happiness Guarantee" (i.e. its return policy) has been extended to cover anyone who's ever purchased a Juicero Press. So for the next 30 days, anyone who's bought a Press should be able to return it for a full refund.

Comments

How can we give a fuck?

[Nyder]

This article shouldn't be on this website.

Re:How can we give a fuck?

[Anonymous Coward]

It's a followup to the earlier article. It's relevant because it's coverage of an excellent example of the insanity in the VC world of anything that can claim to be "innovative" or "disruptive" technology even when it makes no damn sense.

Re:How can we give a fuck?

[Anonymous Coward]

Since this very website published an article two days ago (https://news.slashdot.org/story/17/04/19/153208/silicon-valleys-400-juicer-may-be-feeling-the-squeeze, the link is actually in the original post), it shouldn't be unreasonable to follow up when the company in question tries to respond, no matter how you or I feel about this ridiculous product.

But if you want to be a high-six-digit-UID wiseacre, by all means, be that. I am happy to hear that Juicero responded to Bloombergs article and IMHO a pretty decent reply, not that it ever changes my stance on this product/business model.

Re:How can we give a fuck?

[stealth_finger]

This article shouldn't be on this website.

Don't click it then.

Re:How can we give a fuck?

[thegarbz]

Oh fuck off.

Re:How can we give a fuck?

[Anonymous Coward]

chips 'n dip

Re:How can we give a fuck?

[Anonymous Coward]

"But if you want to be a high-six-digit-UID wiseacre" said the AC.

Re:How can we give a fuck?

[EzInKy]

I'm sure there are not just one or two here who loss a few bucks on this or similar scams.

Re:How can we give a fuck?

[Beau1080p]

Exactly.

Why would he care if people used a machine or their hands to squeeze a $6+ per 8 oz serving juice pack? It's razors and blades - the profit is in the packs.

Re:How can we give a fuck?

[Anonymous Coward]

The top of Tech Bubble 2.0 was always destined to be on Slashdot.

Re:How can we give a fuck?

[Luthair]

The original shouldn't have been here either. Unfortunately we've moved from technical articles to a dumping ground for tech blogs which are pretty much the lowest on the tech totem pole.

If you look at the article submissions its pretty clear that they should be considered spam as they are often submitted by the authors or site promoters e.g. MojoKid, MirandaKatz, BrianFagioli, Trailrunner7, sciencehabit, the_newsbeagle, Esther Schindler, wisebabo, and a bunch of anonymous submissions.

I think there are two problems, not enough people are marking these as 'spam', and we as readers aren't submitting enough of the articles appropriate for the site.

Re:How can we give a fuck?

[Luthair]

I should say, there are a number of other spammers those are who I remember / are on the first page. For anonymous submission spam: bleepingcomputer, arstechnica, vice, theverge

Re: How can we give a fuck?

[sound vision]

Considering the juicer is $400, and there is only a tiny install base yet, there is probably a ton of money in the juicer at this point. However, given that the company is in Silicon Valley, all that revenue is probably being used just to keep the eviction notices off the office door.

Re: How can we give a fuck?

[Anonymous Coward]

Hey editors. Can you please tell us what criteria was met for this issue? Is it that 'vc' s are stupid, yet these same ones fund 'real' tech? ' you guys had the expose of the go-fund-my-kegger flame out... Is this in the ' hubris of founders ' category? It'd be great to find reviews that look at the flame outs and identify what attracted the funding in the first place, but also what was the common thread that resulted in the acqui-hire or full on write off death.

Re: How can we give a fuck?

[ArmoredDragon]

On the technology front, I can't quite figure out why exactly this device needs wifi. What purpose does it serve, if any? Is it just to enforce its own DRM?

Re:How can we give a fuck?

[Luthair]

Apologies to Wiseabo, he isn't one from his history I grabbed him by mistake when I was eating breakfast.

Re: How can we give a fuck?

[Enigma2175]

According to the article, it's so they can recall the packs. Here is the quote from the CEO:

"The first closed loop food safety system that allows us to remotely disable Produce Packs if there is, for example, a spinach recall. In these scenarios, we’re able to protect our consumers in real-time."

I don't know about you, but I have never been affected by a food "recall" and I don't know why they would anticipate such a need happening. I know there have been recalls of food (even the spinach in their example) but they are usually pretty narrow in scope and in my view shouldn't need a machine enforcing them. If you put bad spinach into your product, how about sending me an email, or calling me, or publicizing it through the media? Once I buy something I would like to do what I want with it, in most situations I no longer want the company involved. If I want to squeeze expired packets or packets from another manufacturer, that's my business.

Re:How can we give a fuck?

[Anonymous Coward]

If you want actual technology news, set your time machine to the 1960s. Otherwise, get used to this kind of soft social-sciences kind of crap.

Re: How can we give a fuck?

[Anonymous Coward]

Same reason why my toothbrush needs Bluetooth... https://oralb.com/en-us/product-collections/bluetooth

Re: How can we give a fuck?

[networkBoy]

I have (been affected by a food recall).
It's a neat idea, but like you pointed out the same tech is capable of denying service to use other packs.

I admit, I like that the machine could cut me off if it was recalled, and if the vendor seriously never used it negatively that would be a selling point. Alas I am way to cynical to believe they wouldn't use it for nefarious deeds.

Re: How can we give a fuck?

[AvitarX]

I use my amazon dash wand (or whatever they call it) all of the time.

Running low on something, scan it, then at the end of the week put together a purchase.

I can see this being a great feature for the juicer (I believe it said it can read QR codes.

Like a juice, running low, scan it, when enough is scanned to make shipping worth it, place an order.

What I don't understand is the CEO requiring the machine to buy the packets, there must be money in the packets too, or it's a seriously flawed business model. Like let's place these machines in homes for profit, then never ever make money, but build a supply chain, in the long run.

Re:How can we give a fuck?

[Anonymous Coward]

Exactly.

Why would he care if people used a machine or their hands to squeeze a $6+ per 8 oz serving juice pack? It's razors and blades - the profit is in the packs.

As this is a Silicon Valley startup they probably though the profit was going to be in the data collected by the Internet connected juicer. If people don't use the juicer they lose the made up numbers representing profit from that data and their profit from juts the "blades" probably looks a lot less impressive.

Re: How can we give a fuck?

[Anonymous Coward]

My toothbrush prevents bluetooth.

Re:How can we give a fuck?

[jellomizer]

The problem is the products that are considered innovative and disruptive doesn't come from the company trying to make it, but from the users of it. Before it is proven at best a product can be a clever reinterpretation.

Re: How can we give a fuck?

[JohnFen]

On the technology front, I can't quite figure out why exactly this device needs wifi. What purpose does it serve, if any? Is it just to enforce its own DRM?

Yes, it is. The other "benefits" they cite are just the things they hope will convince people otherwise. Last year, Doug Evans, the CEO of Juicero, said that the reason for internet connectivity is that they're learning from the experience of Keurig in terms of how to prevent third-party juice packs. Since the cost of the juice from the Juicero (ignoring the cost of the machine) is more than $4 per 8 oz, preventing cheaper alternatives is clearly essential to them.

Re: How can we give a fuck?

[JohnFen]

What I don't understand is the CEO requiring the machine to buy the packets, there must be money in the packets too, or it's a seriously flawed business model.

The juice packs are a huge profit center for them, as they are grossly overpriced. However, their investors have made it clear that they aren't interested in investing in a food company -- they want to invest in a tech company. It's the sales of the machines that are of interest to them, not the packs. So Juicero has to have some way to make sure that people will buy the machines.

Re: How can we give a fuck?

[AvitarX]

Well, that's stupid.

I'd think kurig for juice should be enough to attract investors.

Re:How can we give a fuck?

[Anonymous Coward]

Oh fuck on a fuck-fuck you fuck.

Re: How can we give a fuck?

[Anonymous Coward]

They have Indian employees who shit everywhere, thus the likelihood of having to recall the spinach. Duh.

Re:How can we give a fuck?

[JohnFen]

IMHO a pretty decent reply

Interesting take. I thought the reply was equal parts hilarious and insulting. I wouldn't have thought that anyone could have considered it "decent".

Re: How can we give a fuck?

[ArmoredDragon]

Given that these only have a 5-7 day shelf life, presumably the manufacturer could just quickly notify you. At any rate, I can't help but imagine that this juicer wouldn't work at all if it had no internet connectivity, which would be just pathetic if so.

Another classy CEO

[DustPuppySnr]

"disillusioned Juicero buyers"

Expensive bullshitmachine

[Anonymous Coward]

They definitely squeezed a lot of horseshit through the salad shooter to get so much VC puppy love, didn't they.

In other news, VCs can be fucking stupid.

The jokes on the investors for this Keurig-for-hippies soft-serve nightmare.

Re:Expensive bullshitmachine

[Aighearach]

I paid under $350 for a leading-brand horizontal masticating juicer and it cold-presses real raw vegetables that I buy from the store, no packs required.

It can even pure almond "milk" (juice) from raw almonds.

For convenience I use a potato slicer to prep most of the veggies. Quick, easy, fresh! No app or VC required.

Re:Expensive bullshitmachine

[Gavagai80]

But can you turn on your juicer from your phone while you're in the driveway so that it's done when you open your front door? That's worth $400 to absurdly wealthy people.

Re: Expensive bullshitmachine

[Anonymous Coward]

No it's not. Absurdly wealthy people have butlers and/or housekeepers to do that for them.

Re: Expensive bullshitmachine

[Anonymous Coward]

I paid nothing up front for my horizontal masticator, although it does need regular maintenance and twice daily cleaning.

Re:Expensive bullshitmachine

[hey!]

In other news, VCs can be fucking stupid.

Or they think that consumers are fucking stupid, which is a pretty safe bet. The tricky thing is to find a way in which people will be predictably stupid which nobody has thought of exploiting before.

This thing is pretty much in the right ballpark; it's an attempt to exploit a cultural weakness: people want to add things to their lives that have the same effect as taking things out of their lives -- e.g. they want to eat something that will make them lose weight. Among the few things that actually fits that bill are vegetables. But if you're drinking vegetable juice you aren't eating vegetables any longer; you're eating pre-digested vegetable concentrate.

Trying to get the benefits of vegetables by reducing them to a convenient candy slurry you can slurp down quickly is futile, because many of the key benefits of vegetables that people are pursing are entailed in the fact that they take time to eat and are difficult to digest. But this does't make selling that proposition to consumers a bad idea. Setting consumer off on a futile quest can be profitable, which is why the cosmetic industry doesn't just pitch looking good -- it tells women they need to pursue eternal youth.

The trick is to package futility so it's convenient and price it/pitch it so that it is either an impulse buy or an object of intense longing. That's not easy. Keurig got all the parameters right, starting with the story they tell you about how your life will be different with their product. You get up in the morning in a caffeine-withdrawal fog, you pop the pod into the machine and your coffee comes out. Then you toss the pod in the trash. What they are selling is the will-o-the-wisp of convenience, and they've managed to sell it at a staggering markup. The truth is that it's just as easy to make that cup of coffee with an Aeropress, especially if you have an electric tea kettle, and it's a hell of a lot cheaper.

Re: Expensive bullshitmachine

[Dogtanian]

But can you turn on your juicer from your phone while you're in the driveway so that it's done when you open your front door? That's worth $400 to absurdly wealthy people.

No it's not. Absurdly wealthy people have butlers and/or housekeepers to do that for them.

This is more likely aimed at moderately well-off people who buy drivel like this *because* they like to kid themselves that they're wealthy, and are most likely in serious debt as a result.

Reminds me of a BBC programme a few years back that looked at "nice" middle-class people with fairly well-paying jobs that were still up to their eyeballs in debt because they couldn't stop frittering their money away on inessential expensive nonsense. I watched this thinking "you're earning *how much* and you're still about to be declared bankrupt?!"

(Interestingly from a Slashdot point of view, IIRC at least one of the people had spent a ludicrous amount of money on stereotypical "geek" cruft, i.e. overpriced imported anime videos, related toys, etc. etc.)

Re:Expensive bullshitmachine

[fahrbot-bot]

But can you turn on your juicer from your phone while you're in the driveway so that it's done when you open your front door? That's worth $400 to absurdly wealthy people.

Assuming you manually loaded a pack earlier, so it could sit there, un-refrigerated all day, ready to deliver that room-temperature drink at that command - yum.

(Having pre-chopped fruit and/or veggies in single-serving plastic packs delivered in chilled containers to you door seems pretty wasteful, btw.)

Re: Expensive bullshitmachine

[Anonymous Coward]

well-off people who buy drivel like this *because* they like to kid themselves

And then go on websites like slashdot (a once popular nerd site but now a garbage dump of spam) complaining how they don't get paid enough and the rent is too damn high, while the rest of the world nods and slowly shakes their head while wanting to punch those people in the face.

Re:Expensive bullshitmachine

[havana9]

That's not easy. Keurig got all the parameters right, starting with the story they tell you about how your life will be different with their product. You get up in the morning in a caffeine-withdrawal fog, you pop the pod into the machine and your coffee comes out. Then you toss the pod in the trash. What they are selling is the will-o-the-wisp of convenience, and they've managed to sell it at a staggering markup. The truth is that it's just as easy to make that cup of coffee with an Aeropress, especially if you have an electric tea kettle, and it's a hell of a lot cheaper.

You can easily use ground coffee and make it Neapolitan-style or moka-style.
If you prefer the espresso, there are also al lot of electric coffee makers that use either ground coffee or ESE pods, like these or automatic grinding ones, like these.
If you look at coffee advertising either you have the advents for ground coffees or for proprietary pods and machines. Some coffee makers that also sell ESE pods are advertising proprietary pods.
I have an ESE and ground coffee machine and a moka and I absolutely like that I could chage type and brad of coffee without any problem

Re:Expensive bullshitmachine

[Anonymous Coward]

fits that bill are vegetables

Cows are fat and all they eat are vegetables.

Re:Expensive bullshitmachine

[thegarbz]

You actually physically go to a brick and mortar store to buy raw ingredients? What is this 2016? Why aren't you getting internet ordered pre packed juice packs to go with your pre processed meal replacement slop like the rest of us!

And let me preempt you, why would anyone this day and age have a lawn!

Note for the impaired: The above is sarcastic.

Re:Expensive bullshitmachine

[Anonymous Coward]

Ultra-Points & forever respect for your use of:
- convenient candy slurry
- pursue eternal youth
- package futility
and the best one
- will-o-the-wisp of convenience :) !!!!

_

Re:Expensive bullshitmachine

[MattskEE]

The truth is that it's just as easy to make that cup of coffee with an Aeropress, especially if you have an electric tea kettle, and it's a hell of a lot cheaper.

It really isn't as easy. I'm not saying using an Aeropress is hard. I own one myself and I think it's a great product. But if we use a car analogy an Aeropress is like a manual transmission, and a Keurig is like an automatic. It's not hard to see why people would be attracted to that ease - especially early in the morning before they've had coffee.

Re:Expensive bullshitmachine

[Aighearach]

I can buy a giant 40lb bag of "juicing carrots" for $8 at the big grocery store, or a 30lb bag for $9 at the neighborhood store. It is pretty good compared to over $3 for 12oz of pasteurized juice.

If I really really wanted to, I could use place an order online for a local bicycle courier to purchase and deliver the items. But that would be embarrassing.

Re:Expensive bullshitmachine

[hey!]

You forgot cowboy coffee too if simple is what you want. There's an art to cowboy coffee too which takes some fussing to perfect, but once you find what works for you there's nothing simpler.

Re:Expensive bullshitmachine

[Aighearach]

If I wanted to, yeah, I have a $6 wifi microcontroller on a breadboard next to me. Not sure what the relay costs, but not much. Thirty cents for a transistor to drive the relay, though that is overkill.

The harder part than turning it on from the driveway would be feeding the vegetables in from there.

But if I juiced it in the morning and put the juice in the fridge, then when I'm arriving in the driveway I can not use an app, and still walk into the kitchen and drink my juice right away without waiting. If I was that addicted to apping I could just use a journal app to dictate, "I'm in the driveway and I'm going to go inside and drink some juice."

Re:Expensive bullshitmachine

[hey!]

Well, it's a matter of perception. Once you've mastered shifting a manual transmission it's not really any harder than an automatic, because the automatic is in your brain. Mindlessness gets a bum rap: the power of habit is that it makes things easy and the smart thing is to harness that power to make your life better. Now there's no reason to prefer a manual transmission over a modern automatic other than the pleasure of shifting if you enjoy such things, but there are plenty of reasons to prefer an Aeropress.

But as for the attraction -- well that's my point. They figured out a story to tell the consumers that sounds compelling, but if you factor in the lack of choice, cost, and waste, and the fact that you can quickly master the Aeropress drill so you can do it in your sleep, it's a bogus story. I used Aeropress as an example because it makes the right amount of conventional coffee quickly with practically no clean up beyond popping out the coffee puck and giving the thing a quick rinse. And if you absolutely must have that extra two minutes of speed it takes to heat the water in an electric tea kettle, spend the money that you would have spent on the Keurig on one of those Japanese tea water gizmos, set the timer to bring the water to temperature just before you wake up, and you can have your first cup ready in under two minutes.

Re:Expensive bullshitmachine

[Anonymous Coward]

I paid under $350 for a leading-brand horizontal masticating juicer and it cold-presses real raw vegetables that I buy from the store, no packs required.

It can even pure almond "milk" (juice) from raw almonds.

For convenience I use a potato slicer to prep most of the veggies. Quick, easy, fresh! No app or VC required.

I have the same. Got it for a bit cheaper as it was on sale. We need to chop the larger veggies or fruits into smaller chunks so it fits in the feed. But curious, why do you use a peeler at all? The juicer would extract the juice from the fruit or veggie regardless.

Re:Expensive bullshitmachine

[JohnFen]

It's not hard to see why people would be attracted to that ease - especially early in the morning before they've had coffee.

I find it hard to see why people would be attracted enough for that ease to pay that much for it. The difference in effort between an Aeropress and a Keurig is pretty tiny.

Re:Expensive bullshitmachine

[thegarbz]

You only read the first two lines I posted didn't you.

Re: Expensive bullshitmachine

[Anonymous Coward]

The upper middle class uses illegal aliens for their housekeepers.

Re:Expensive bullshitmachine

[Aighearach]

Don't derp all over yourself because I didn't let you write my comment for me.

Re: Expensive bullshitmachine

[Anonymous Coward]

Simpler

I don't think that word means what you think it means.

Re: Expensive bullshitmachine

[Anonymous Coward]

TRADE IT IN. inferior technology. probably crowdsourced. how long did it take to develop, from initial iteration to the one you have? if over 1 billion years, thats too long.

Re:Expensive bullshitmachine

[Anonymous Coward]

you kids get off my internet enabled wheatgrass juice packs!

Re:Expensive bullshitmachine

[Anonymous Coward]

It can even pure almond "milk" (juice) from raw almonds.

Hate to break it to you, but there is no such thing as raw almonds you can buy from any store. All almonds produced in US has to be pasteurized or chemically treated to remove amygdalin and foodborne diseases.

Why would he care?

[msauve]

Why would he care if people used a machine or their hands to squeeze a $6+ per 8 oz serving juice pack? It's razors and blades - the profit is in the packs.

Re:Why would he care?

[Anonymous Coward]

Since you cannot order the packs without owning the machine right now, they won't get any profit of those customers returning their machines.

Re:Why would he care?

[Duds]

At $400, I suspect the profit is in both in this case.

Re:Why would he care?

[AmiMoJo]

In this case they seem to be making quite a profit out of the $400 press too.

The real issue is that if the press is pointless then so are the packs. They add no value, because the extra 0.5oz your get with the press has no nutritional benefits and you can just use normal fruit and a normal hand press to get the same juice.

Re:Why would he care?

[squiggleslash]

Note that $400 is the price to consumers, of which I suspect there aren't many. The real value of the machine is in hotels and other hospitality businesses (they like it because it's easy to clean and maintain, and everything arrives ready chopped), and that's where they're selling. To businesses, the machine costs a cool $1200. The articles I've read suggests that there's no difference between the commercial and personal versions of the machine.

So yeah, I think they're making a huge profit out of the press.

Re:Why would he care?

[known_coward_69]

doubt it

tiny company and high overhead to manufacture a few units. someone has to pay for the factory and all the machinery to get manufacturing up and running

Re:Why would he care?

[XxtraLarGe]

Why would he care if people used a machine or their hands to squeeze a $6+ per 8 oz serving juice pack? It's razors and blades - the profit is in the packs.

From what I understand, they only sell the juice packs to people who own the juicer. Because stupidity, I guess.

Re:Why would he care?

[msauve]

More likely, there's currently a production limit, and they want to ensure that people who bought the $400 machine have packs available.

Re:Why would he care?

[Anonymous Coward]

Profits from the machine are purely incidental. You need to charge that much to make the product appealing to the people making the purchase. What would the CEO think if he knew that you only spent $80 on the juicer for the executive snack room? He expects the best and the best is whatever costs the most. As long as it's under the threshold for capital expenditures, nobody would question the purchase.

Re:Why would he care?

[Anonymous Coward]

And if they sold it for $60, they'd sell a lot more of them, and a lot more packs.

Re:Why would he care?

[havana9]

In this case they seem to be making quite a profit out of the $400 press too.

I suppose the price point is due to the extra techology and infrastucure in minimal part, and because an high price makes them Veblen goods where an high price increades the demand, because are luxury goods. If they sold the juicer at $40 I suppose nobody have talked about it.

Re:Why would he care?

[Anonymous Coward]

>...making a huge profit ...

Sure, a one time profit per-device. But the REAL profit is in the bags. As the old saying goes: "Sell a razor once but sell the blades forever."

Re:Why would he care?

[msauve]

Assuming that someone willing to spend $400/unit and $6+/serving is going to use the product at least once a day, I'd expect that the continuing profit from pouches would outweigh the one time profit from the machine in a very short time.

Do you think it costs even $2 to pack some fruit into a pouch? That would be over $1400/year in profit.

Re:Why would he care?

[Khashishi]

That sounds unrealistic to me. I think a more realistic assumption is that someone will spend $400 for the unit, use it a couple times, and realize that they've been had, and then stick it in the closet for a while until they finally give it away as a bonus gift for another sale during a garage sale.

Re:Why would he care?

[Anonymous Coward]

It's a thing that presses packages slowly... Give me 10 minutes and an arduino, I'll make you a thing that presses packages efficiently.

Skip the juice packs also

[Swave An deBwoner]

Remarkable news! You can skip the juice packs too and eat your vegetables and fruits using those whitish sharp things in your mouth.

Re:Skip the juice packs also

[Darinbob]

I drank so much juicero juice I no longer have sharp white things in my mouth, you insensitive clod!

Re:Skip the juice packs also

[Anonymous Coward]

Always wondered what those were for. They keep rotting, unused, so what's the use? Always thought equipping everybody with them was a particularly nasty medical racket, I tell you.

Re: Skip the juice packs also

[Anonymous Coward]

Yes but that's what the proles in flyover country do. This device is like an iPhone, a visual reminder you're not one of them.

Re:Skip the juice packs also

[GeekWithAKnife]

What? have you not noticed the new trend? Once upon a time it was about getting fast food, to shovel the food into your mouth as quickly as possible. None of that waiting time stuff. Now it's moving towards having food ready for intravenous consumption.

Chewing? That's so old fashioned. Why get vitamins and minerals from fruit, veg and meat when you can buy pills and drink nutritional slurries?

In fact, if the food came pre-digested so people don't have to waste time with all that eating and digesting would make everyone happy.

I read about this all-in-one food that is "easy to digest" and you do not need anything else. It's a powder and the "prep time" is adding water. That's it. Nothing else needed. Doesn't that sound awesome??

Only $8 a day + $60/m for the subscription and + $20 for the 'better you' manual? bargain! -My life is going to be so much better, I'm going to be so much healthier!

Re:Skip the juice packs also

[Anonymous Coward]

why does nobody talk about anal feeding anymore

feedin anally is a thing, there are pictures, #guantanimo

Re:Skip the juice packs also

[Anonymous Coward]

He, our teeth are the strongest argument against creationism. Who's that idiot that'd create them so bad? Why not titanium teeth, or something else...benevolent creator my arse!

Re:Skip the juice packs also

[CanadianMacFan]

And it was so expensive you can't afford dentures!

Re: Skip the juice packs also

[Anonymous Coward]

Propose to me a better solution that can be built by biological process.

Re: Skip the juice packs also

[Anonymous Coward]

How about the method sharks use: Tooth gets damaged, falls out, a new tooth grows in. Here's another option: Osteoblasts that don't sit around watching pits and cavities grow but instead rebuild structural damage.

Re:Skip the juice packs also

[lokedhs]

Pre-digested? Don't we have that already? Isn't that what Soylent is all about?

Escaping the prison penis?

[Anonymous Coward]

Fraud, anyone?

Re:Escaping the prison penis?

[__aaclcg7560]

Was this a Kickstarter project?

Re:Escaping the prison penis?

[Anonymous Coward]

Well lets see....

[X] Ridiculous thing
[X] Needlessly expensive
[X] Internet connected
[X] CEO is not just a tool but then entire tool box.

Yup, kickstarter.

Re:Escaping the prison penis?

[JohnFen]

No, it wasn't. But the company they just filed a copyright infringement lawsuit against is: https://arstechnica.com/tech-p...

The funny thing is that the kickstarter juicer is clearly the superior product -- it's less expensive and lets you put your own mix of produce in the bag that it squeezes.

By hand?

[Gabest]

That's for plebs.

Re:By hand?

[CustomSolvers2]

LOL. I wish my stupid butler didn't spend all the mod points.

Re:By hand?

[CustomSolvers2]

I mean... he read my credentials in a Post-it on the computer which I use for Slashdot, near my favourite piano, in my summer villa, where I have all my sport cars. BTW, I have already punished him.

Re:By hand?

[CustomSolvers2]

Just in case it isn't completely clear: I am joking (+ hoping that the parent poster was joking too).

Re:By hand?

[Anonymous Coward]

Just in case it isn't completely clear: I am drunk

Fixed that for you. You're welcome.

Re:By hand?

[Anonymous Coward]

So terrible at humor that you have to explain that you're joking in a reply...to yourself.

Just in case it isn't completely clear, don't try to be funny any more. You're incredibly bad at it.

Re:By hand?

[CustomSolvers2]

Why are you saying that? Are you not understanding or not liking the joke? Either way, what is the point of reacting so aggressively to someone merely sharing some funny stuff? How has my attitude hurt you? Are you a low-self-esteem (-> only kind of people I know who cannot make fun of themselves) rich person or butler? Either way, sorry for having said the words which your imagination made you think that were a personal attack to you, your status or your profession, because it wasn't my intention.

Just FYI, I am working in my office, where I am pretty much during the whole day, and have never consumed any kind of drug at work (or the day before), because my job is quite demanding and doesn't allow me to do things like this. To not mention the fact of being a small-business owner working under very tough conditions (and eventually having to deal with "people" like you), for whom his online image is very important. As far as you seem so concerned about me and what I do, I can confirm you that I haven't drunk alcohol (other than perhaps a couple of drinks in 2/3 social events) in over 2 years, a decision which I made one random day and which I have honoured with no effort. And even when I was drinking alcohol (not precisely the only drug which I have ever tried; at some points of my life, I did party a lot), I never wrote anything on internet (not even outside my work) or performed any other kind of action usually associated with weak or low-self-esteem personalities like drinking to forget (I always drunk to loosen up a bit and to enjoy the experience).

Tremendous contribution, other AC, please continue writing these brave, sensible and not-indicative-of-your-personal-lacks-at-all comments (clarification because you seem quite stupid: I am being sarcastic).

Re:By hand?

[CustomSolvers2]

Although I am kind of funny, at least some times, you might be right and should better focus on enjoying humour rather than on delivering it. I might add some funny bits in serious comments, but better letting the 100% humour posts for the pros (there are some really funny fellows around).

In any case, note that all the clarifications are my reaction to quite a few bad past experiences with people misunderstanding what I thought that was evident, rather than a normal output of my jokes.

Re: By hand?

[CustomSolvers2]

You are either drunk or stupid

As explained, I cannot be drunk and you are the only stupid here. Additionally, your attitude of attacking someone with a random accusation does seem indicative of being under the influence of something perhaps different than just stupidity.

Responding to yourself again and again to explain yourself

I see. You belong to the fanatic, low-self-esteem subgroup of things-have-to-be-like-this-end-of-the-story (among who are those called grammar nazis). Commentators are expected to use just one comment to write the whole idea, with minor exceptions like highlighting relevant mistakes. Sorry for having misjudged the origin of your imaginary motivation to unmotivatedly attack me: you don't care about rich people/butlers, you care about the way in which I have misused the comments section! For example, you...

Re: By hand?

[CustomSolvers2]

... might not ...

Re: By hand?

[CustomSolvers2]

... like ... (there is a waiting period between consecutive posts, even for logged-in users! I didn't know about that)

Re: By hand?

[CustomSolvers2]

... when I do ...

Re: By hand?

[CustomSolvers2]

... something like this, because it goes against how things have to be, right? And you are judge, jury and executioner of that ultimate truth! Everything what is against the format which you consider acceptable is intrinsically bad and, consequently, attackable. Yes, this is where your pathetically unreasonable anger comes from. People doing things slightly different than you are so infuriating, right? Why are all these people not doing exactly what you want as you want it? You can only think about making them aware and pay for their wrong actions by releasing all this anger that burns inside you!

Contrarily to what you think of me, I think that you are very funny. I might even pay for seeing you getting angry with ridiculous nonsense, like people making some mostakes while wriiting or having different priorities than you do. Some time ago, I used to try to help those like you understand, but quickly realised that this was a very bad idea. Now, I plainly enjoy you (+ write some clarifications; just in case, because some of these fanatics might do really weird things).

Re:By hand?

[CustomSolvers2]

+1 insightful? Come on!

Re:By hand?

[CustomSolvers2]

To give some context to my aforementioned surprise (funny rather than insightful!) to future readers which might not see them, here you have an excerpt of the current version of my bio: "...Unbuyable. Never had money and never minded it. No fan of politics, but leftist..."; and my signature: "Custom Solvers 2.0 = Alvaro Carballo Garcia = varocarbas.". If you still have doubts about the exact intention of this or any other of comments, please take a look at any of the multiple over-clarifications which I have written everywhere or, ideally, ask me.

(Unnecessary clarifications? I wish this was true.)

Re:By hand?

[CustomSolvers2]

Still not clear? Let me put it in a different way: even in case of ever considering acceptable to have a butler, I couldn't afford an Eddie-like one.

Re: By hand?

[Anonymous Coward]

Dude, you're being a tool.

Regards,
Not the original AC.

Re:By hand?

[Anonymous Coward]

Lighten up Francis.

Re: By hand?

[CustomSolvers2]

Not the original AC.

Perhaps not the original one but sharing the same pathetic views, so no real difference to me. Am I a tool? The one being the target of a random idiot insulting me? I have to tolerate any random idiot arbitrarily attacking me and cannot say anything, because that random idiot might be part of a group of pathetic fanatics which might try to "defend" it? Seriously, what is wrong with people like you? Are you able to understand the simplest situation? You all are pathetic fanatics in my book and, lately, my tolerance with you is zero (-> self-promotion of my online business which doesn't want to deal with people of your kind). Too aggressive? Learn to behave and to not arbitrarily invade others or accept the consequences.

Here you have another version: you are a pathetic fanatic, coward, part of a small lynch squad of pathetic fanatics cowards attacking someone for no reason (other than justifying the initial unreasonable attack of another idiot -> fanaticism in its purest form). The most pathetic part is that you are probably thinking that what you did is fair or right?! You are a shame for you and for anyone who has ever tried to actually help others. You are what is wrong with internet and the new wave of stupidity which has provoked (too much power=knowledge for people not used to have it). You are a half-person. You need to grow and to learn to become a real person (try by living outside your bubble; I guess that you are a rich kid who hasn't ever done the slightest effort, someone whose ideas mostly come from TV and blind guesses). You should be kept under quarantine until you become a person in order to avoid you making stupid actions damaging you and others. You and all what you represent were, are and will be crap for me and I don't want you to be near me.

If you seriously want to help someone, you could try with me. There is something which you can do for me. This is a very important mission and your contribution is extremely relevant. Calm down! Breath deep! And think very carefully before answering this very important question: what version did you find more offensive/hurting (the insults in the first paragraph or in the second one?)? I am doing a small research among those of your kind to increase the effectiveness of my reactions to your nonsense. You know? To not waste too much time with you. Honestly, I am not too concern about this issue, because I could plainly ignore your crazy nonsense and laugh at you (even make you part of my enjoyment without you realising about it because you are soooo stupid) but I guess that everyone, even crazily stupid fanatics like you, can be useful for something and here you have your opportunity.

(Clarification: I have written all this text on the go, some minutes after reading your stupid comment. In parallel, I have been checking what some applications have done during last night, drinking my morning coffee and reading the news. I know that if I don't explain all this, you would think that my comment, your comment and even all what you represent is much more important to me than what it really is. You are a distraction, a joke, a sad reality which I already accepted that cannot be fixed and plainly enjoy it.)

Re:By hand?

[CustomSolvers2]

Lighten up Francis.

I didn't know what that meant, so I did a quick search and apparently is a reference to a 1981 Bill Murray movie about war/soldiers. This fact seems to give some indications about you and your personality (apologies if I am wrong on any issue; as said to the AC above, I am writing all this on the go, as my morning distraction):

- You are older than me. I was born on 1978 and never heard about that movie. It doesn't seem a classic, but the kind of movie which is enjoyed by the given generation. Were you in the 15-25 range when this movie came up? 50-60 yo? Older?

- War/soldiers movies, mainly not precisely excellent movies like this one (never saw that movie and don't want to criticise it, this is just a more or less blind guess), are usually appealing for a very specific audience. So, I guess that it is safe to assume that you are a man and, mostly likely, you have some kind of relationship with military or similar (police or spying agency or something like this). It might be even possible that this movie (or this sentence or the specific nutcase who said it) is popular among certain group of people (soldiers?) and perhaps you are even younger than what my first point assumed (but I do think that you are old).

- You are arbitrarily insulting me (you are directly calling me psycho), despite how the aforementioned conversation has evolved and the behaviour which I have shown (Slashdot is kind of problematic for people liking to misunderstand others, right? Things are written forever and cannot be edited, so manipulating what a person did or said is quite difficult. The actions are there for anyone to read as many times and as slowly as they need in order to understand the whole situation properly), which might be too-descriptive and even a bit too aggressive but always reasonable (well, unless you feel attacked by a higher number of words, this is the case with some people; but I am afraid that this isn't a valid interpretation). Another relevant issue is that you don't know me at all (I guess) and that you have self-invited yourself to a conversation which wasn't about you (I guess, again), all this anonymously. So, the summary of this point: you are arbitrarily insulting someone in an anonymous way because of whatever (didn't like me or what I say or what I represent) and you are calling me psycho! Don't you get the irony of this?

So, it seems that you have no relationship with me (certain age, military-like taste, anonymously/cowardly insulting others) or with the kind of people I want to deal with. It seems that you want just be part of a group against one person (because it might seem that I am in the weakest spot against all these other anonymous cowards, but appearances aren't always too accurate, you know?). It seems that your perception of reality is hugely distorted (acting as a psycho and thinking that other person has that behaviour) and that you seriously think that can arbitrary attack/force/being forced (military way of doing things) anyone? Hmm. All this sounds kind of familiar to me. Did I meet you in a previous chat in another Slashdot article? You were repeating like a crazy the same nonsense over and over and I tried to calm you down and explain you that you didn't get anything right? You were like expecting me to prove something to you (like you being any kind of authority). It was about something that the US army did. Does anything of this sound familiar to you? Because if it does, I guess that I have to warn you that I am into women (not too concerned about age or other generic features, but tend to like those a bit younger than me) and, even in case that you are a woman, am not too much into the obsessive stalker thing, I mean, I am sure that you are marvellous person, it isn't you, it's me, but I think that you should better get obsessed with other logged-in users who are more compatible with your "peculiarities". I am completely sure that you will find someone with whom you will get in a long obsessive relationship of anonymity and crazy misinterpretations.

LOL. You and the other AC made my morning, thanks :)

Former Coca-Cola executive.

[Anonymous Coward]

He should have dropped the coke when he went to Juicero.

Just buy a frigging Vitamix

[Anonymous Coward]

I gave into my wife a few years ago and bought despite being convinced it was overpriced Williams-Sonoma marketing hype. Hands down the best investment we've ever made on an appliance. It's built like a tank and I'm pretty sure the thing could turn a brick into a smoothie. The only complaint I have is it's LOUD but it's only on for a minute or two anyway.

On a side note. What a lot of these "cold-press" organic guru's fail to tell you (possibly realize?) is that in a lot of fruits and vegetables the skin contains a good portion of the nutrients. If you're just pressing out the juice sometimes you're just getting a lot of sugar and leaving behind some of the healthier things, depends on what you're pressing.

Re: Just buy a frigging Vitamix

[Anonymous Coward]

Do bricks have a skin?

Re:Just buy a frigging Vitamix

[Registered Coward v2]

The VitaMix is pretty amazing and while not cheap is built like a tank and very versatile. Need coffee beans ground? Soup made? ice cream? Smoothy? Rice flour from rice instead of buying expensive rice flour? It does all that and more. I concur with your assessment as to its value as well as to the noise it makes. It doesn't cut so much as beat to liquid since the blades are dull and rely on speed to do the work rather than sharpness. A plus is you can clean it if needed by hand without cutting yourself.

Re:Just buy a frigging Vitamix

[gatkinso]

Waring blenders (the silver one you see in bars) work better and last longer - and are about 1/3 the price.

I have had both.

Re:Just buy a frigging Vitamix

[Registered Coward v2]

Waring blenders (the silver one you see in bars) work better and last longer - and are about 1/3 the price.

I have had both.

While Waring makes some good products and start at around 200 vs 400 for a vitaMix, I find they are really 2 different products. If yo want to blend drinks a good Waring will do the job for less. However, I use my VitaMix for many other things, including grinding coffee beans, making soup, chopping vegetables, etc.; all things a blender will not do. It's best to match the device to its use.

hand squeezed hacks

[Anonymous Coward]

So squeezing a bag is hacking now? Drm'd bags of fruit, I hope don't try downloading bananas .

The packs made of very inorganic plastic

[Viol8]

... which will take centuries to decompose in landfill. So much for the eco living BS.

Re:The packs made of very inorganic plastic

[Overzeetop]

Oh, but you can recycle the packs! They'll even send you a *Free* mailing label to send them back once you fill a box with discarded bags. Of course, you need to cut the pack open and use your hands to remove the pulp remnants before you do that - literally scoop out the goo with your hands and throw it away.

And you've totally missed that this is a zero-cleanup device - it's perfect for when you don't have time to go through the messy process of cleaning a traditional juicer. (but, apparently, have time to go through the messy process of cutting open and cleaning out the bag)

Personally, I still can't get over the $1/oz pricetag on the juice packs that have a shelf life of a week.

Re: The packs made of very inorganic plastic

[Anonymous Coward]

Moron. Plastics are polymerized hydrocarbons, the epitome of organic molecules.

vocabulary

[supernova87a]

How about the CEO eliminates the word "cold-pressed" juice from any public discussion, since it's pretty much meaningless and one of the menu-enhancing words to make people think something is more elaborate or valuable than it is? When have you had juice that is not "cold-pressed"? It's all fucking "cold-pressed". So stop saying that.

It's like "Locally-sourced Niman Ranch charcoal-seared pork chop". A load of enhancement words that just try to make you think something more than it is. It's a fucking pork chop. It's fucking juice.

Re:vocabulary

[Anonymous Coward]

When have you had juice that is not "cold-pressed"?

Today. Go look up how apple juice is made at industrial scale.

Re: vocabulary

[Anonymous Coward]

But cold-pressed juice (TM) leaves you feeling visibly younger inside! Plus, it's got electrolytes.

Re:vocabulary

[Registered Coward v2]

How about the CEO eliminates the word "cold-pressed" juice from any public discussion, since it's pretty much meaningless and one of the menu-enhancing words to make people think something is more elaborate or valuable than it is? When have you had juice that is not "cold-pressed"? It's all fucking "cold-pressed". So stop saying that. It's like "Locally-sourced Niman Ranch charcoal-seared pork chop". A load of enhancement words that just try to make you think something more than it is. It's a fucking pork chop. It's fucking juice.

That's the beauty of marketing - every word has no meaning except in the person hearing them.

Re: vocabulary

[Anonymous Coward]

It's got what plants crave!

Once again a handjob brings down a ceo...

[Leslie43]

Yup.

Re:I just laughed

[ChoGGi]

Even buying "fresh" from the store and not washing it and refrigerating it does not help to keep it more than a couple of days (say 3 or 4 at most in my case, YMMV).

You must throw away lots of food

what the world needs

[AndyKron]

There's no bread let them squeeze juice

There's...

[Anonymous Coward]

...One born every minute.

Funny thing - that's most of us. We're the 2%

[raymorris]

The funny thing about that is those people is that most of us on Slashdot are "those people", scaled down. $35,000 puts you in the top 2% of income - we're the richest people in the world. Yet many of us squander it, making silly purchases *daily* like spending $6.50 on a cup of coffee, when coffee at the grocery store is 25 cents.

There are a couple of Slashdot regulars who are wealthy (have a lot) with incomes below $100,000, but not many.

Re:I just laughed

[Anonymous Coward]

Even buying "fresh" from the store and not washing it and refrigerating it does not help to keep it more than a couple of days (say 3 or 4 at most in my case, YMMV).

You must throw away lots of food

I'm happy to report I don't (any more). I visit the store about 2-3 times a week and buy small packages of fresh produce. About what I'll use up in that time (I'm single). I also bicycle to the store, which both necessitates the smaller purchases but also helps with the exercise part of the healthy lifestyle.

I also mentioned I don't live in the USA. Around here, the supply chain may take somewhat longer and not deliver foodstuffs in an almost pristine condition, so it's important for me to hand-select carefully what I buy. Looking for good quality - even if a bit more expensive - makes it go a bit further.

I don't do complex recipes that take longer than say a half hour to prepare. Simple foods, often fewer ingredients, none or very few processed or otherwise long-shelf life products. (Yes, unlike the USA, I mostly eat 3 meals a day that are home-prepared. Hardly any fast foods or eating out.)

When it comes to chucking out fruits and vegetables that have gone bad (not really anything most weeks), they go to the compost pile. Together with peels and other discarded parts from food prep. So there's no guilt, BECAUSE:

A veg patch in a corner of my property, about 10m x 10m (30ft x 30ft) which includes 0.9m (3ft) paths between the rows (wheelbarrow access). Beds consist of boxes about 0.3m (1ft) high, filled with almost pure compost. For some meals I get about 90% of the ingredients off there, especially leafy vegetables. Currently just about 30% produces (for various reasons). It's quite nice to go to the larder in the backyard and return with stuff that is fresher than ANYTHING you can get at the store. Juicing Smuicing.

Re:I just laughed

[Anonymous Coward]

Beds consist of boxes about 0.3m (1ft) high, filled with almost pure compost. For some meals I get about 90% of the ingredients off there,

You get 90% of your ingredients for your meals from your compost? That must be quite a digestive tract you've developed.

Hateful readers will abuse this.

[Okian Warrior]

I think there are two problems, not enough people are marking these as 'spam', and we as readers aren't submitting enough of the articles appropriate for the site.

The problem with this is that if you submit several articles that are marked as spam, slashdot will lock your account. Vicious readers use this effect to harass legitimate submitters.

This happened to me - I was locked out from having several legitimate articles marked as SPAM, but then Slashdot management reversed the lockout. Now I'm 'kinda jaded about submitting articles.

I have to wonder how many legitimate submitters have been locked out... and got disheartened or felt there was no way to appeal or were driven away by the bad users.

Re:Hateful readers will abuse this.

[Anonymous Coward]

Have you considered the possibility that what you consider a "legitimate article" is viewed by the majority as spam?

Re:Hateful readers will abuse this.

[Luthair]

Hateful in what sense? I know there has been an unfortunate contingent of anti-science partisan nutters who have been trolling the site in recent years but other than that I'm not sure there is enough interaction for someone to have a personal dislike.

I've been moderating a lot of submissions and there are some where the summary is confusing to the point where it seems like spam yet the submitter appears to be a normal user. I give these the benefit of the doubt and not mark as spam (but maybe down vote) since I also find it difficult to try to write a succinct original summary.

Still Not Worth It

[StormReaver]

I find his backpedaling to be funny.

"What you will get with hand-squeezed hacks is a mediocre (and maybe very messy) experience that you won't want to repeat once, let alone every day"

Here's the funny part: you squeeze or press the (mostly liquid) contents through an opening that is small enough to fit in your mouth. If it's too messy to squeeze, you could very easily just suck it out through the package neck, or by inserting a 1 cent straw.

But I still wouldn't buy even the pouches, as they are 10 times the cost of buying and preparing fresh, Organic fruits and vegetables myself. And they don't even have much of a time saving factor, either, as preparing multiple servings of frozen slushy with a blender only takes a few minutes.

This whole product concept was badly conceived.

Re:I just laughed

[ChoGGi]

Oh, I suppose packets of veggies wouldn't last as long.
Carry on.

P.S. I boil the veggies in water before I toss them in the heap, cool the boiled water and use it on the plants (if you want).

TJ Miller

[mattyj]

I don't know why, but every time I see the word 'Juciero' I read it as 'Aviato' in TJ Miller's voice.

I MUST HAVE ONE

[Drunkulus]

Live the dream! Sip Juicero while riding a Segway to your job at Snapchat. Don't forget the Google Glass!

We are available

[n0w0rries]

So everybody here is going "WTF? R U KIDDING ME?!?"

We should make ourselves available to VCs in everywhere. For a small fee, say $100,000, we could tell you what a dumbass idea something is and save you hundreds of millions of dollars!

instead of kickstarter, we'll call it shootdowner.com... hey the domain name is even available!

if you buy it, I expect a finders fee.

Here's the thing..

[slashdice]

to me, the problem isn't a $400 wifi juicer. (lol, Silicon Valley). In theory, the juice packs is 10 oz of fresh fruit and vegetables and you need a 2 tons of pressure to extract 8oz of juice. In reality, it's 9 oz of juice (that you could buy at the store for $2 a gallon) and 1 oz of pulp. This is the most retarded thing since soylent. Anyone who spend $6 a drink for this shit is retarded. Hopefully the next batch will be laced with cyanide and you will die and the world will be a better place.

Re:I just laughed

[Anonymous Coward]

>I've never heard of this thing (not USAian)

Must be an UKian, CoAnian, or a Dominionist.

Don't Refund

[Anonymous Coward]

A $400 juicer that doesn't work on regular store bought produce but only on proprietary, $6-a-pop, fruit packs?

Anyone who invested in this product must be rich enough that they wouldn't even care.

Hand Juice

[Anonymous Coward]

Wouldn't a "hand squeeze" produce "hand juice"?

I don't want no steenkeng hand juice!