I'm perfectly miserable...er...content doing something else entirely while I tape a satellite TV program on my shitty Sony VCR for 2 hours -- just to get a documentary that I'm too lazy to sit through for that particular 2 hours. I don't need to watch another TV program while that tapes. I can...um...work on my whittling skills. So fuck y'all.
I'll see that Discovery Channel special with the humping lions tomorrow. Wait...no...I have to tape 3 hours of primetime programming then. Shit. When can I...HEY! Are you timeshifting asshats laughing at me? FUCK YOU! You have no idea what you're doing to live programming with your evil technology! And I KNOW you totally missed the ASS CLOWN BUD LIGHT COMMERCIAL WHEN YOU TIVO'D THE SUPER BOWL! HAHAHA! THERE YA GO, YA TIMESHIFTING MOTHERFUC---
Shit. I only have a 120 minute tape, and I have 300 minutes of programming. I'll be back in a minute to cuss you f---ers out.
been told about the possibility of other "Earth-sized" planets outside our solar system that MIGHT support life
had a bit of an overhyped response to SETI communication efforts (foiled or not, I've not kept up with)
and just found out that the Pioneer 10 and 11 space probes are being "held back" by mysterious forces that "might" be related to "dark matter"
Sounds to me like it's time to sell your Reynolds Wrap (aluminum foil) stock soon, 'cause our alien overlords are f---ing around with us now that we've found their planet. Pretty soon, you won't need tinfoil hats to protect you from their mind control beams. You see, they won't waste time on tinfoil hat types -- because they make the best treats for their pet Glargian devourers.
Those who sell their stock, while soon to be enslaved to the Zarlanian Horde, will at least know they had money to live it up before the invasion began in earnest.
I totally understand that volunteers can't fly on the actual flight.
But can ya open up a few "BIG RED BUTTON" pusher slots? I mean -- there's gotta a be a few "BIG RED BUTTONS" to push.
I'm your man for the following "BIG RED BUTTON" volunteer spots:
LAUNCH button
ABORT button
EJECTOR SEAT button (a backup to the ABORT button)
APPLAUSE button ('cause loser media types in audience won't know to clap when everything goes right)
WARP DRIVE button (I know they've got a surprise up their sleeves -- I just know it)
"CUT OFF MEDIA SATELLITE FEED IF SOMETHING GOES HORRIBLY WRONG" button ('cause loser media types also know how to go apeshit when something goes wrong)
I look forward to applying for volunteer status on one of these "BIG RED BUTTONS." In the meantime, good luck!
With the advent of plastic magnets, I feel strongly that this will ruin the hilarity new versions of the Wiley Coyote cartoons, for example. I grew up watching that infamous episode where Wiley buys an ACME nuclear (or similarly powered) magnet that he puts out in the desert. It was huge -- 2 stories tall, assuming Wiley was as tall as a person.
He fed that annoying RoadRunner BBs and birdseed and turned on the magnet.
It pulled in things like satellites, cars, boats, etc.
Now, with this new invention -- plastic magnets -- a new version of that episode just won't have the cool metallic clanginess of the old version. No more battleship hulls grinding up against the metallic magnet from the old version. No more tink-tink of small forks and spoons getting sucked in to the magnet.
No...it'll just be a relatively un-entertaining "thunk."
Sometimes, we should just stop technological progress while we're ahead.
And fuck the RoadRunner -- can NO ONE run that fucking bird over?
Christ in handbag covered in ketchup, AMD! WHY THE HELL CAN YOU NOT JUST TAKE A BREAK AND STOP INVENTING SHIT FOR A WEEK OR MONTH?!
It's not like AMD fanboys like me are going to let you go out of business. We'll still be buying your underpriced processors in lieu of Intel chips for a while to come. And we'll show up in droves to events that really tout your existing product line. We swear it!
Plus, Intel isn't moving that fast these days. I've read more about trouble for Intel in the past 2 months than I have in 5 years. "We can't frabricate this processor, or we're not responsible if that processor burns your house down when you overclock it." Come on! Let 'em catch up for the sheer thrill of beating 'em again with the Athlon128 a few years down the road.
Why? Why my insistence on your taking a g'damned break from inventing shit? You wanna know why?
I can't f---ing afford another upgrade for awhile. So stop it. Now. Dammit. Give us poor home built computer bastards a break.
And pass the f---ing message off to those asshats at ATI and Nvidia.
John Carmack too -- the "we're gonna change the world of gaming hardware every time we release a new game" motherf---er.
Screw this XMPCR crap. I want that little silver car that the XM office geek drives into his high-rise office building. Who needs a chic, cheap computer-based XM receiver when you can friggin' drive your cool little car right up to your cubicle?
Did I mention that NO ONE from this guy's office bitched about him driving that little car through the hall and cutting them off at the elevator?
What about the hot chick in the left of the elevator that's eyeing his little silver car? Schwing! With the XMPCR, chicks'll just give you looks like, "That's gadget geek from the mail room or accounting, right? So sad -- look how he cradles his laptop and that weird mouse." No -- she'd be asking for a lift down to cubicle area 37 on the 11th floor -- chauffeur style.
And damn -- talk about being able to take a break. You don't have to walk the three blocks at 12:30pm for your half hour lunch/nap in the car just to listen to the XM radio and justify the cost of the service. And remember -- it'd be THAT radio you'd be carrying those three blocks along with a laptop if you had the XMPCR. Hell no! With the silver XM car, you'd just walk out of your cubicle, open up the cooler in the trunk, grab your ham sandwich and chips, and lay down in the back seat.
Hell -- if your boss DOES bitch about you blocking the aisles betweens cubes 45 and 46, you can just "accidentally" back over him and drag his body under your cubicle desk before anyone notices. The XM radio in the car can be turned up to drown out his dying scream. And, if he's still alive, you can beat him over the head with that XM jukebox that they show in the commercial -- you know you'd have one if you had the cool XM car!
If you had that piddly XMPCR and your boss bitched about the music, what would you do? Strangle him with the USB cord? Hell no. He may be your lame ass boss, but he does get to the company gym for the executives while you ride on the shitty subway home with your XMPCR that gets looks from thieves on the train. What exercise have you had while he's been at the gym, eh? He's take that USB cord and strangle YOUR ass!
Yeah -- screw that overpriced XMPCR -- I want the silver XM car!
No offense to the/. crowd and Linux fans, but I really hope families don't get bilked into buying Linux laptops or desktops without knowing what they might be getting into.
I personally think this ia a great step toward making Linux much more mainstream than it is now, but I fear that unsuspecting and uneducated consumers being led around by unhelpful and undertrained sales staff at Circuit City or on the HP sales line might find themselves with Linux machines they really don't like.
I could see a family making a computer purchase and visiting some retailers that, perhaps, start selling things like Linux laptops and Linux desktops as a novelty item. They get in the store and are like, "WOW! This PC is so much cheaper than that PC over there." They might even think, in their minds, that bad viruses and things come from Windows, so they're even more enthused about the Linux machine.
They get it home, and then they realize that they have to jump through hoops to play this game or open this document from work.
Granted, the process I outlined above has to occur to some degree in order to facilitate adoption of Linux as a mainstream PC operating system (or whatever you might call it). I just hope and pray that vendors like HP and major retailers don't jump on the bandwagon a little too eagerly in trying to sell these machines only to find that they've opened a Pandora's box worse than a MyDoom worm on Windows XP......instead......a really pissed off family that can't run little Sally's Barbie Dream Makeover software.
A family that ends up returning the Linux machine altogether rather than having the Windows machine with a virus serviced at Best Buy and put back into the wild.
My 2 cents.
IronChefMorimoto
HONEY! PACK YOUR BAGS! VEGAS, HERE WE COME!
on
Odds-on Science
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· Score: 1
CHEF: "Baby! I got a way for us to pay for that thar new house faster than you can say mass spec vacuum! Pack the bags, call the kennel for YOUR bitch (she pooped on the floor -- she's YOUR bitch now), and call a cab! I'm goin' to the bank and gettin' ready to ride the NUCLEAR FUSION train!"
CHEF WIFE: "What the fuck are you talking about? Shut up. I'm watching 'Trading Spouses.' And clean up that dog shit."
My friend was over at my place last night gaming with one of the affected Macs. Lo and behold, the battery was hot as hell after a few hours. I think I could find a use for the defective battery, though.
Run laptop for 2 hours. Remove battery. Find sleeping roommate/spouse. Put hot battery in roommate's/spouse's left hand. Watch person piss themselves. Retrieve battery. Laugh.
It's a lot simpler than using the warm water/left-hand/piss in your pants trick, since no one will ever suspect the battery.;-)
Of course, if you're doing this to your spouse (considered the joke on wife last night), you probably shouldn't be allowed to have a computer anyway until you get out of therapy.
Screw this "NASA found water today" and "Spirit discovered more water this month" and "scientists believe there's water in this rock" crap.
When is NASA going to bring back a sample of killer DNA bacteria back to Earth from Mars, clone a fast-growing horny chick in a glass box, and then let her loose to find the first guy to fuck hard and nasty before ripping his groin in two with her alien scissor legs?
'cause I'm waiting on that kind of woman, and I think it'd be a great way to go out in a blaze of...wait...never mind. I'm a computer nerd with a gut, pale white skin, and a rash that we won't talk about here. She'll be hunting a prime specimen with whom to sow her seed.
I have noticed that both Tomshardware.com and Anandtech.com use these annoying DHTML-based ad links that are highlighted in the words of their articles. Have you seen them?
You are reading and article, and as you move your mouse around the article maybe following a line or something (I move my lips when I read -- leave me alone), you roll over these damned ad links. Sure enough, the scripting on the links creates a DHTML "pop-up" right where your mouse is, effectively BLOCKING the article you're trying to read.
Now, this sounds minorly annoying in an of itself -- you have to wait for the timeout before the ad will remove itself. But in addition to blocking text, the ad often has the unintended after effect of causing FireFox to lag. I've seen it on PCs ranging from my shitty 700MHz P3 at work to my 3400+ Athlon64 at home.
I am pretty certain that other websites have started using these sorts of sponsored links, and I really see it becoming as bad as traditional pop-ups or pop-unders. Even worse, I'm not immediately aware of any way to suppress them without turning off Javascript that supports DHTML. I'd be interested to know if AdBlock for FireFox will be able to adapt to these new advertising methods -- NOT because I don't want to see the ads -- I just don't want them to interrupt reading the articles.
I really think that these tech-savvy websites, although dependent on the ad revenue more so than their cheap ass readers (hey -- we buy all the shit they review -- we have no money), should reconsider using these sorts of links. Or at least review how they display in the context of trying to read a review or editorial on the latest and greatest hardware/software.
It's unfortunate, too, because you have to feel for these guys needing money to run their great websites, but at what cost to the integrity of their content?
If Linus is a "benevolent" dictator, we're not sending in troops to depose him?
And, obviously, we can't depose him on grounds of WMD, since Microsoft makes those, right?
So -- as long as he doesn't gas a whole room of Mac OS X users, we'll leave him be?
And -- he doesn't have any kids, right? Two boys that might go around killing anyone who doesn't win Linux-based UT2K4 tournaments in Linus' name, right? Or terrorizing anyone who challenges the vision of the kernel?
Finally -- Linus hasn't invested in any bunker construction for his new offices, right?
Just checking. I was concerned that maybe that troop realignment from Europe was in preparation for an attack on Mr. Torvalds.
Finally -- a means of writing the software required for my GPS-guided canine shock collar defecation system. Now I can just turn the dog loose and not have to worry about her pooping in a different place every time she gets her dump on.
Shit on the driveway? SHOCK!
Crap in the neighbor's yard? SHOCK!
Crap in mean neighbor's yard? NO SHOCK! (subroutine for OPTIONAL shit locations).
Poop near the mailbox? SHOCK!
Drop a deuce in the back corner of the yard near all the other piles of shit? NO SHOCK!
(C) Copyright 2004 by IronChefMorimoto Pet Waste Management Technologies
At the same time that humanoid robots were combating their way to history in Japan, 25 of the country's top sumo wrestlers were "laid off" in anticipation of the new humanoid robot combat competitions.
Said one sumo wrestler...
"Dammit. The hordes of Japanese girls with their camera phones will be gone. I'll just be a another fat fuck to squeeze past when they want to see the robots!"
Yep -- that's right. I'm not a crypto expert. Hell -- I'm a layman compared to most/.'ers, and my user number proves it (all 7 embarrassing digits of it). But I do know this -- if Slashdot crypto geeks are concerned about it, then we've reached the point of...
CARRYING A MIDGET AROUND.
Yes, it's true. Every person with encrypted data on Earth will soon have to carry around a Level 10 Anthromorphic Hexidecimal Midget Encryption System. Or "Midget Key" for short. The midget will become part of every computer purchase where the user requires high encryption, secured communications, etc. Families without sufficient room to accommodate and feed the midget will have to run computers with the old and vulnerable encryption technologies.
Meanwhile, those of us with a Midget Key will need to have his/her encryption midget with us at all times. The midget will encrypt data locally by locking a portable hard drive to his/her wrist and preventing anyone OTHER THAN THE OWNER of said local data from accessing it again. To facilitate this local midget encryption, each encryption midget will be equipped with:
- body armor - handgun - lightweight sub-machine gun - tactical nuclear or convential explosive self destruct device
Addtionally, each encryption midget will be required to communicate with all other encryption midgets around the world using special genetically encoded phones that cannot be replicated outside of the midget gene pool. The phone will be surgically embedded in the arm of each encryption midget and require a drop of said midget's body temperature saliva to activate the phone (a.k.a. spit on the arm to make the call).
Why encryption midgets? They're:
- portable - eat less than an encryption giant and/or an encryption obese person - tough as nails
Why tough as nails? If you've watched The Amazing Race at all this season on CBS, you have witnessed a midget drag her whiney, lazy cousin around the world. She has become the envy of other teams featuring health nuts, ex-Marines, and super-Christians. Who wouldn't entrust their data with a badass little person that can grab a live electrified cattle fence somewhere in South America, cuss about it, and STILL manage to continue the race?
Get me THAT encryption midget, and you'll never get a hold of MY data!
IronChefMorimoto
[Note -- if the midget from the show mentioned above has been eliminated from said show, then our data is doomed. I've missed the last several episodes, so all may be lost.]
The answer is astonishingly simple - Information is the key to finding out how to feed those hungry kids! If the problem is corruption in the local govt, information is the key to coming up with a solution. If the problem is lack of farming technology, where do you think the solution might be found, if not in what is perhaps the largest information repository in the world?
Or you could end up having a shitload of starving script kiddies enjoying the latest Nigerian-translated Paris Hilton sex video while swatting away flies from their faces and wondering when the that l33t Red Cross haxor is gonna return to give their illegitimate parents more anti-HIV drugs (which are really just placebos since the real drugs were stolen by the warlords for their Congalese whores).
I never got into the whole console gaming thing. I found using both my hands to move/shoot in a first-person shooter was too much of a shift from having my hands separated by a keyboard and mouse.
Then there's the issue with porn. I can't get it from a console. And even if I could get it from a console system, I'd not want to bring my hands together to manipulate the experience.
With a computer and porn, I have one hand on my cock and one hand on the mouse clicking interactive nipples and dragging those Macromedia Shockwave dildos around.
It would just be too weird to hit UP-UP-A-B-LEFT-RIGHT-TRIANGLE-START while also getting my jerk on. Much too much going on there all near by groin. Not to mention the rumble pack option that causes the ol' premature ejaculation.
I'm not sure, but I think I have better things to do than watch the "thrilling" and "compelling" bout of the Chilean and US table tennis champions as they wage a war of running around after a little white plastic ball inside perhaps the largest and emptiest table tennis venue I've ever seen.
Although, the spaceage looking table tennis table with the under-table lighting effects might be worth it...no...it's not.
No...I'm pretty sure I can get better use out of that Java-ridden porn website where the movies are free, the sound sucks, and, when the Java applet loads the movie, I get pop-up ads. WOOHOO!
IronChefMorimoto
P.S. - Also pretty sure I don't want to waste my Internet connection watching our "best hope" Olypmic mens gymnist do one flip and fall on his head. Yeah -- don't want my connection making me sad about losing gold. [Sniffle.] Just can't [Sniffle, again.] deal with it [Sniffle, snob -- hey -- free Java porn!].
If you rent the uterus, do you have to be at least 25 years old?
Is a major credit card required to secure the uterus?
Does your uterus insurance policy cover rentals, or is it better to add on the $10 supplmentary uterine insurance coverage?
Does it cost more to have more than one driver on the uterus rental?
Can you get both in-town and one-way uterus rentals?
What is the per/mile charge on the uterus?
You guys don't use those damned uterus GPS tracking/monitoring units, right? To see if I ran the uterus hard and violated the uterine rental agreement?
Finally -- what's the fee if I bring back the uterus a day late?
In related news, a Russian Soyuz rocket was prepared for the Hubble repair mission. In an effort to cuts costs on the project as much as possible, NASA officials are using the Russian-made space vehicle to facilitate the mission.
Additionally, NASA will supply the two astronauts assigned the project a bottle of Windex and a roll of Bounty paper towels to clean the Hubble optics. If the budget permits, a Philips head screwdriver and one of those fancy Sears/Craftsman "GRIP" wrenches will also be thrown in to the duffle bag the astronauts are carrying with them for the flight.
I signed my first non-compete when I started working for a small interactive firm back in January. Small = I'm one of 3 full-time employees.
I had been working in academia for 5+ years out of college, and I'd never had to sign one. When I read this one, I was like, "Damn -- I can't get a job somewhere else if this place sucks."
Honestly, I think NDAs or non-competes are valid for enterprises like Seagate who have to protect their intellectual properties and technologies. However, for a small shops like mine, I just see it as a bit of overkill.
I'm betting the CEO/founder of my company pissed off some designers/developers along the way who took what he thought were really innovative ideas over to better run shops. Hence the non-compete. But honestly, if I need to find a job in a market that's very small and oversaturated with talent, why make it difficult? Stealing clients is one thing, and re-using your last interactive firm's code is another, but being specifically denied the right to work for a direct competitor where you may do the same shit but for different clients?
Like I said -- for a small firm, a little overkill, particularly since any asshat (like me) with a few certifications and previous experience can most likely do anything your little company might have thought of on his/her own. It's not like creativity is unique to your firm.
Sigh -- and I'm looking for new work too. Makes me worry what I'll be allowed and NOT allowed to do in my new job.
The Antec version appears to have some interesting features, not the least of which is the fully open-back grill on the back of the unit. The dark brushing alumnium/steel finish is rather cool too. However, the Antec product does not offer the same sort of sleeved cables as the one in the originaly article. They are, instead, bundles of molex connectors -- two to three connectors per bundle.
Also, if you're interested in EXTREME modular PSU options, visit Frozencpu.com and look under the Power Supplies area for a slew of their own customized PSUs with modularity options included. It's almost to a point of overkill, including plexiglass casings, UV wiring, LED fans, laser cut fan grills -- all for a friggin' power supply.
Dammit! Screw Edward James Olmos and his pock-faced character. To hell with that lebian-ish looking chick that plays Starbuck, forever ruining the original series' mac daddy version of Starbuck (who later trolled the A-Team series). I don't care that the 2nd of two black guys from the original series has been turned into an Asian woman...that might actually be a humanoid Cylon fabricated for the sheer ease of reducing the CGI effects budget!
WHAT ABOUT THE DAMNED TOYS?!
I want my little Galactica starfighter back -- from when I was only about 6 or 7 years old. I want figures to put into the starfights -- ones WITHOUT arms that bend at the elbows wrists. They better have less arm/leg motion than a Barbie doll on downers! I want the toys to require batteries so I can keep replacing them over and over again -- JUST TO HEAR THE CHEEZY LASTER BLASTER SOUNDS!
Oh -- and I want a Cylon fighter this time. My brother got a Lincoln Log set last time I owned Galactica toys, and dammit -- it's time I had my Cylong fighter! Fuck you, bro -- let's see how your "cabin" fairs against my army of silver badass Cylons!:-p
If some asshat need in you arises that demands that you must listen in on a conversation with my wife as she bitches at me for buying ROMA TOMATOES instead of CHERRY TOMATOES (they're fucking red, for Christ's sake), you go right ahead.
And if it gets your lollies off to hear that, wait until she calls me to inform me that I, once again, forgot to let the dog shit before going to work. And I must clean up what ensued.
Slashdot Mirror
Damn you, TiVO!
Damn you, iPod!
Damn you...HTPCs running MythTV!
Damn all of you timeshifting bitches!
I'm perfectly miserable...er...content doing something else entirely while I tape a satellite TV program on my shitty Sony VCR for 2 hours -- just to get a documentary that I'm too lazy to sit through for that particular 2 hours. I don't need to watch another TV program while that tapes. I can...um...work on my whittling skills. So fuck y'all.
I'll see that Discovery Channel special with the humping lions tomorrow. Wait...no...I have to tape 3 hours of primetime programming then. Shit. When can I...HEY! Are you timeshifting asshats laughing at me? FUCK YOU! You have no idea what you're doing to live programming with your evil technology! And I KNOW you totally missed the ASS CLOWN BUD LIGHT COMMERCIAL WHEN YOU TIVO'D THE SUPER BOWL! HAHAHA! THERE YA GO, YA TIMESHIFTING MOTHERFUC---
Shit. I only have a 120 minute tape, and I have 300 minutes of programming. I'll be back in a minute to cuss you f---ers out.
IronChefMorimoto
Let's see...in the past few weeks we've...
Sounds to me like it's time to sell your Reynolds Wrap (aluminum foil) stock soon, 'cause our alien overlords are f---ing around with us now that we've found their planet. Pretty soon, you won't need tinfoil hats to protect you from their mind control beams. You see, they won't waste time on tinfoil hat types -- because they make the best treats for their pet Glargian devourers.
Those who sell their stock, while soon to be enslaved to the Zarlanian Horde, will at least know they had money to live it up before the invasion began in earnest.
IronChefMorimotoI totally understand that volunteers can't fly on the actual flight.
But can ya open up a few "BIG RED BUTTON" pusher slots? I mean -- there's gotta a be a few "BIG RED BUTTONS" to push.
I'm your man for the following "BIG RED BUTTON" volunteer spots:
I look forward to applying for volunteer status on one of these "BIG RED BUTTONS." In the meantime, good luck!
IronChefMorimoto
With the advent of plastic magnets, I feel strongly that this will ruin the hilarity new versions of the Wiley Coyote cartoons, for example. I grew up watching that infamous episode where Wiley buys an ACME nuclear (or similarly powered) magnet that he puts out in the desert. It was huge -- 2 stories tall, assuming Wiley was as tall as a person.
He fed that annoying RoadRunner BBs and birdseed and turned on the magnet.
It pulled in things like satellites, cars, boats, etc.
Now, with this new invention -- plastic magnets -- a new version of that episode just won't have the cool metallic clanginess of the old version. No more battleship hulls grinding up against the metallic magnet from the old version. No more tink-tink of small forks and spoons getting sucked in to the magnet.
No...it'll just be a relatively un-entertaining "thunk."
Sometimes, we should just stop technological progress while we're ahead.
And fuck the RoadRunner -- can NO ONE run that fucking bird over?
IronChefMorimoto
Christ in handbag covered in ketchup, AMD! WHY THE HELL CAN YOU NOT JUST TAKE A BREAK AND STOP INVENTING SHIT FOR A WEEK OR MONTH?!
It's not like AMD fanboys like me are going to let you go out of business. We'll still be buying your underpriced processors in lieu of Intel chips for a while to come. And we'll show up in droves to events that really tout your existing product line. We swear it!
Plus, Intel isn't moving that fast these days. I've read more about trouble for Intel in the past 2 months than I have in 5 years. "We can't frabricate this processor, or we're not responsible if that processor burns your house down when you overclock it." Come on! Let 'em catch up for the sheer thrill of beating 'em again with the Athlon128 a few years down the road.
Why? Why my insistence on your taking a g'damned break from inventing shit? You wanna know why?
I can't f---ing afford another upgrade for awhile. So stop it. Now. Dammit. Give us poor home built computer bastards a break.
And pass the f---ing message off to those asshats at ATI and Nvidia.
John Carmack too -- the "we're gonna change the world of gaming hardware every time we release a new game" motherf---er.
IronChefMorimoto
Is this a /. variation on Where's Waldo?
:-(
What's the trick? Pick the pasty white guy with last season's Stein Mart casual Fridays outfit from the crowd of business people?
Sigh...if I were Alviso, the Where's Alviso books would be pop-up style -- find the guy with the computer nerd gut.
IronChefMorimoto
Screw this XMPCR crap. I want that little silver car that the XM office geek drives into his high-rise office building. Who needs a chic, cheap computer-based XM receiver when you can friggin' drive your cool little car right up to your cubicle?
Did I mention that NO ONE from this guy's office bitched about him driving that little car through the hall and cutting them off at the elevator?
What about the hot chick in the left of the elevator that's eyeing his little silver car? Schwing! With the XMPCR, chicks'll just give you looks like, "That's gadget geek from the mail room or accounting, right? So sad -- look how he cradles his laptop and that weird mouse." No -- she'd be asking for a lift down to cubicle area 37 on the 11th floor -- chauffeur style.
And damn -- talk about being able to take a break. You don't have to walk the three blocks at 12:30pm for your half hour lunch/nap in the car just to listen to the XM radio and justify the cost of the service. And remember -- it'd be THAT radio you'd be carrying those three blocks along with a laptop if you had the XMPCR. Hell no! With the silver XM car, you'd just walk out of your cubicle, open up the cooler in the trunk, grab your ham sandwich and chips, and lay down in the back seat.
Hell -- if your boss DOES bitch about you blocking the aisles betweens cubes 45 and 46, you can just "accidentally" back over him and drag his body under your cubicle desk before anyone notices. The XM radio in the car can be turned up to drown out his dying scream. And, if he's still alive, you can beat him over the head with that XM jukebox that they show in the commercial -- you know you'd have one if you had the cool XM car!
If you had that piddly XMPCR and your boss bitched about the music, what would you do? Strangle him with the USB cord? Hell no. He may be your lame ass boss, but he does get to the company gym for the executives while you ride on the shitty subway home with your XMPCR that gets looks from thieves on the train. What exercise have you had while he's been at the gym, eh? He's take that USB cord and strangle YOUR ass!
Yeah -- screw that overpriced XMPCR -- I want the silver XM car!
IronChefMorimoto
No offense to the /. crowd and Linux fans, but I really hope families don't get bilked into buying Linux laptops or desktops without knowing what they might be getting into.
...instead... ...a really pissed off family that can't run little Sally's Barbie Dream Makeover software.
I personally think this ia a great step toward making Linux much more mainstream than it is now, but I fear that unsuspecting and uneducated consumers being led around by unhelpful and undertrained sales staff at Circuit City or on the HP sales line might find themselves with Linux machines they really don't like.
I could see a family making a computer purchase and visiting some retailers that, perhaps, start selling things like Linux laptops and Linux desktops as a novelty item. They get in the store and are like, "WOW! This PC is so much cheaper than that PC over there." They might even think, in their minds, that bad viruses and things come from Windows, so they're even more enthused about the Linux machine.
They get it home, and then they realize that they have to jump through hoops to play this game or open this document from work.
Granted, the process I outlined above has to occur to some degree in order to facilitate adoption of Linux as a mainstream PC operating system (or whatever you might call it). I just hope and pray that vendors like HP and major retailers don't jump on the bandwagon a little too eagerly in trying to sell these machines only to find that they've opened a Pandora's box worse than a MyDoom worm on Windows XP...
A family that ends up returning the Linux machine altogether rather than having the Windows machine with a virus serviced at Best Buy and put back into the wild.
My 2 cents.
IronChefMorimoto
CHEF: "Baby! I got a way for us to pay for that thar new house faster than you can say mass spec vacuum! Pack the bags, call the kennel for YOUR bitch (she pooped on the floor -- she's YOUR bitch now), and call a cab! I'm goin' to the bank and gettin' ready to ride the NUCLEAR FUSION train!"
CHEF WIFE: "What the fuck are you talking about? Shut up. I'm watching 'Trading Spouses.' And clean up that dog shit."
CHEF: [SIGH] "Yes, dear."
IronChefMorimoto
My friend was over at my place last night gaming with one of the affected Macs. Lo and behold, the battery was hot as hell after a few hours. I think I could find a use for the defective battery, though.
;-)
Run laptop for 2 hours. Remove battery. Find sleeping roommate/spouse. Put hot battery in roommate's/spouse's left hand. Watch person piss themselves. Retrieve battery. Laugh.
It's a lot simpler than using the warm water/left-hand/piss in your pants trick, since no one will ever suspect the battery.
Of course, if you're doing this to your spouse (considered the joke on wife last night), you probably shouldn't be allowed to have a computer anyway until you get out of therapy.
IronChefMorimoto
Screw this "NASA found water today" and "Spirit discovered more water this month" and "scientists believe there's water in this rock" crap.
/. news. Sigh...
When is NASA going to bring back a sample of killer DNA bacteria back to Earth from Mars, clone a fast-growing horny chick in a glass box, and then let her loose to find the first guy to fuck hard and nasty before ripping his groin in two with her alien scissor legs?
'cause I'm waiting on that kind of woman, and I think it'd be a great way to go out in a blaze of...wait...never mind. I'm a computer nerd with a gut, pale white skin, and a rash that we won't talk about here. She'll be hunting a prime specimen with whom to sow her seed.
Back to Far Cry and
IronChefMorimoto
I have noticed that both Tomshardware.com and Anandtech.com use these annoying DHTML-based ad links that are highlighted in the words of their articles. Have you seen them?
You are reading and article, and as you move your mouse around the article maybe following a line or something (I move my lips when I read -- leave me alone), you roll over these damned ad links. Sure enough, the scripting on the links creates a DHTML "pop-up" right where your mouse is, effectively BLOCKING the article you're trying to read.
Now, this sounds minorly annoying in an of itself -- you have to wait for the timeout before the ad will remove itself. But in addition to blocking text, the ad often has the unintended after effect of causing FireFox to lag. I've seen it on PCs ranging from my shitty 700MHz P3 at work to my 3400+ Athlon64 at home.
I am pretty certain that other websites have started using these sorts of sponsored links, and I really see it becoming as bad as traditional pop-ups or pop-unders. Even worse, I'm not immediately aware of any way to suppress them without turning off Javascript that supports DHTML. I'd be interested to know if AdBlock for FireFox will be able to adapt to these new advertising methods -- NOT because I don't want to see the ads -- I just don't want them to interrupt reading the articles.
I really think that these tech-savvy websites, although dependent on the ad revenue more so than their cheap ass readers (hey -- we buy all the shit they review -- we have no money), should reconsider using these sorts of links. Or at least review how they display in the context of trying to read a review or editorial on the latest and greatest hardware/software.
It's unfortunate, too, because you have to feel for these guys needing money to run their great websites, but at what cost to the integrity of their content?
IronChefMorimoto
If Linus is a "benevolent" dictator, we're not sending in troops to depose him?
And, obviously, we can't depose him on grounds of WMD, since Microsoft makes those, right?
So -- as long as he doesn't gas a whole room of Mac OS X users, we'll leave him be?
And -- he doesn't have any kids, right? Two boys that might go around killing anyone who doesn't win Linux-based UT2K4 tournaments in Linus' name, right? Or terrorizing anyone who challenges the vision of the kernel?
Finally -- Linus hasn't invested in any bunker construction for his new offices, right?
Just checking. I was concerned that maybe that troop realignment from Europe was in preparation for an attack on Mr. Torvalds.
IronChefMorimoto
Finally -- a means of writing the software required for my GPS-guided canine shock collar defecation system. Now I can just turn the dog loose and not have to worry about her pooping in a different place every time she gets her dump on.
Shit on the driveway? SHOCK!
Crap in the neighbor's yard? SHOCK!
Crap in mean neighbor's yard? NO SHOCK! (subroutine for OPTIONAL shit locations).
Poop near the mailbox? SHOCK!
Drop a deuce in the back corner of the yard near all the other piles of shit? NO SHOCK!
(C) Copyright 2004 by IronChefMorimoto Pet Waste Management Technologies
IronChefMorimoto
At the same time that humanoid robots were combating their way to history in Japan, 25 of the country's top sumo wrestlers were "laid off" in anticipation of the new humanoid robot combat competitions.
Said one sumo wrestler...
"Dammit. The hordes of Japanese girls with their camera phones will be gone. I'll just be a another fat fuck to squeeze past when they want to see the robots!"
IronChefMorimoto
Yep -- that's right. I'm not a crypto expert. Hell -- I'm a layman compared to most /.'ers, and my user number proves it (all 7 embarrassing digits of it). But I do know this -- if Slashdot crypto geeks are concerned about it, then we've reached the point of...
CARRYING A MIDGET AROUND.
Yes, it's true. Every person with encrypted data on Earth will soon have to carry around a Level 10 Anthromorphic Hexidecimal Midget Encryption System. Or "Midget Key" for short. The midget will become part of every computer purchase where the user requires high encryption, secured communications, etc. Families without sufficient room to accommodate and feed the midget will have to run computers with the old and vulnerable encryption technologies.
Meanwhile, those of us with a Midget Key will need to have his/her encryption midget with us at all times. The midget will encrypt data locally by locking a portable hard drive to his/her wrist and preventing anyone OTHER THAN THE OWNER of said local data from accessing it again. To facilitate this local midget encryption, each encryption midget will be equipped with:
- body armor
- handgun
- lightweight sub-machine gun
- tactical nuclear or convential explosive self destruct device
Addtionally, each encryption midget will be required to communicate with all other encryption midgets around the world using special genetically encoded phones that cannot be replicated outside of the midget gene pool. The phone will be surgically embedded in the arm of each encryption midget and require a drop of said midget's body temperature saliva to activate the phone (a.k.a. spit on the arm to make the call).
Why encryption midgets? They're:
- portable
- eat less than an encryption giant and/or an encryption obese person
- tough as nails
Why tough as nails? If you've watched The Amazing Race at all this season on CBS, you have witnessed a midget drag her whiney, lazy cousin around the world. She has become the envy of other teams featuring health nuts, ex-Marines, and super-Christians. Who wouldn't entrust their data with a badass little person that can grab a live electrified cattle fence somewhere in South America, cuss about it, and STILL manage to continue the race?
Get me THAT encryption midget, and you'll never get a hold of MY data!
IronChefMorimoto
[Note -- if the midget from the show mentioned above has been eliminated from said show, then our data is doomed. I've missed the last several episodes, so all may be lost.]
The answer is astonishingly simple - Information is the key to finding out how to feed those hungry kids! If the problem is corruption in the local govt, information is the key to coming up with a solution. If the problem is lack of farming technology, where do you think the solution might be found, if not in what is perhaps the largest information repository in the world?
Or you could end up having a shitload of starving script kiddies enjoying the latest Nigerian-translated Paris Hilton sex video while swatting away flies from their faces and wondering when the that l33t Red Cross haxor is gonna return to give their illegitimate parents more anti-HIV drugs (which are really just placebos since the real drugs were stolen by the warlords for their Congalese whores).
IronChefMorimoto
I never got into the whole console gaming thing. I found using both my hands to move/shoot in a first-person shooter was too much of a shift from having my hands separated by a keyboard and mouse.
Then there's the issue with porn. I can't get it from a console. And even if I could get it from a console system, I'd not want to bring my hands together to manipulate the experience.
With a computer and porn, I have one hand on my cock and one hand on the mouse clicking interactive nipples and dragging those Macromedia Shockwave dildos around.
It would just be too weird to hit UP-UP-A-B-LEFT-RIGHT-TRIANGLE-START while also getting my jerk on. Much too much going on there all near by groin. Not to mention the rumble pack option that causes the ol' premature ejaculation.
My dirty and completely bullshit 2 cents.
IronChefMorimoto
I'm not sure, but I think I have better things to do than watch the "thrilling" and "compelling" bout of the Chilean and US table tennis champions as they wage a war of running around after a little white plastic ball inside perhaps the largest and emptiest table tennis venue I've ever seen.
Although, the spaceage looking table tennis table with the under-table lighting effects might be worth it...no...it's not.
No...I'm pretty sure I can get better use out of that Java-ridden porn website where the movies are free, the sound sucks, and, when the Java applet loads the movie, I get pop-up ads. WOOHOO!
IronChefMorimoto
P.S. - Also pretty sure I don't want to waste my Internet connection watching our "best hope" Olypmic mens gymnist do one flip and fall on his head. Yeah -- don't want my connection making me sad about losing gold. [Sniffle.] Just can't [Sniffle, again.] deal with it [Sniffle, snob -- hey -- free Java porn!].
Hmmm...this begs a few [silly] questions...
If you rent the uterus, do you have to be at least 25 years old?
Is a major credit card required to secure the uterus?
Does your uterus insurance policy cover rentals, or is it better to add on the $10 supplmentary uterine insurance coverage?
Does it cost more to have more than one driver on the uterus rental?
Can you get both in-town and one-way uterus rentals?
What is the per/mile charge on the uterus?
You guys don't use those damned uterus GPS tracking/monitoring units, right? To see if I ran the uterus hard and violated the uterine rental agreement?
Finally -- what's the fee if I bring back the uterus a day late?
IronChefMorimoto
In related news, a Russian Soyuz rocket was prepared for the Hubble repair mission. In an effort to cuts costs on the project as much as possible, NASA officials are using the Russian-made space vehicle to facilitate the mission.
Additionally, NASA will supply the two astronauts assigned the project a bottle of Windex and a roll of Bounty paper towels to clean the Hubble optics. If the budget permits, a Philips head screwdriver and one of those fancy Sears/Craftsman "GRIP" wrenches will also be thrown in to the duffle bag the astronauts are carrying with them for the flight.
IronChefMorimoto
I signed my first non-compete when I started working for a small interactive firm back in January. Small = I'm one of 3 full-time employees.
I had been working in academia for 5+ years out of college, and I'd never had to sign one. When I read this one, I was like, "Damn -- I can't get a job somewhere else if this place sucks."
Honestly, I think NDAs or non-competes are valid for enterprises like Seagate who have to protect their intellectual properties and technologies. However, for a small shops like mine, I just see it as a bit of overkill.
I'm betting the CEO/founder of my company pissed off some designers/developers along the way who took what he thought were really innovative ideas over to better run shops. Hence the non-compete. But honestly, if I need to find a job in a market that's very small and oversaturated with talent, why make it difficult? Stealing clients is one thing, and re-using your last interactive firm's code is another, but being specifically denied the right to work for a direct competitor where you may do the same shit but for different clients?
Like I said -- for a small firm, a little overkill, particularly since any asshat (like me) with a few certifications and previous experience can most likely do anything your little company might have thought of on his/her own. It's not like creativity is unique to your firm.
Sigh -- and I'm looking for new work too. Makes me worry what I'll be allowed and NOT allowed to do in my new job.
My 2 cents. Don't spend 'em all in one place.
IronChefMorimoto
I believe this company is offering the same sort of cable modularity as in the Antec NEOPOWER line (looks rather new):
http://www.antec.com/us/pro_details_powerSupply.ph p?ProdID=24480
The Antec version appears to have some interesting features, not the least of which is the fully open-back grill on the back of the unit. The dark brushing alumnium/steel finish is rather cool too. However, the Antec product does not offer the same sort of sleeved cables as the one in the originaly article. They are, instead, bundles of molex connectors -- two to three connectors per bundle.
Here's a flyer PDF link on the Antec product:
http://www.antec.com/pdf/flyers/NeoPower.pdf
Tom's Hardware also review this Antec product on July 20, 2004:
http://www.tomshardware.com/firstlook/20040720/ind ex.html
Also, if you're interested in EXTREME modular PSU options, visit Frozencpu.com and look under the Power Supplies area for a slew of their own customized PSUs with modularity options included. It's almost to a point of overkill, including plexiglass casings, UV wiring, LED fans, laser cut fan grills -- all for a friggin' power supply.
IronChefMorimoto
Dammit! Screw Edward James Olmos and his pock-faced character. To hell with that lebian-ish looking chick that plays Starbuck, forever ruining the original series' mac daddy version of Starbuck (who later trolled the A-Team series). I don't care that the 2nd of two black guys from the original series has been turned into an Asian woman...that might actually be a humanoid Cylon fabricated for the sheer ease of reducing the CGI effects budget!
:-p
WHAT ABOUT THE DAMNED TOYS?!
I want my little Galactica starfighter back -- from when I was only about 6 or 7 years old. I want figures to put into the starfights -- ones WITHOUT arms that bend at the elbows wrists. They better have less arm/leg motion than a Barbie doll on downers! I want the toys to require batteries so I can keep replacing them over and over again -- JUST TO HEAR THE CHEEZY LASTER BLASTER SOUNDS!
Oh -- and I want a Cylon fighter this time. My brother got a Lincoln Log set last time I owned Galactica toys, and dammit -- it's time I had my Cylong fighter! Fuck you, bro -- let's see how your "cabin" fairs against my army of silver badass Cylons!
IronChefMorimoto
I could care less if you hack my BlueTooth phone.
:-[
If some asshat need in you arises that demands that you must listen in on a conversation with my wife as she bitches at me for buying ROMA TOMATOES instead of CHERRY TOMATOES (they're fucking red, for Christ's sake), you go right ahead.
And if it gets your lollies off to hear that, wait until she calls me to inform me that I, once again, forgot to let the dog shit before going to work. And I must clean up what ensued.
Yeah -- hack that. All you want.
IronChefMorimoto