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No kidding - the DS upcoming list is almost as evil. Between "Phoenix Wright 2" and "Elite Beat Force", those two alone gave me a joygasm. Throw in "Magical Vacation", the really good looking "Final Fantasy III" remake, and Castlevania with a girl who fights with a big book -

(sigh) I keep telling my wife I need to just get rich so I have more time for game play.

We know that there was some minor hacking done on the 360 to cheat at Hexic, which caused scores to skyrocket for some players. There was word of another game having the same thing happen (I don't recall the link), so I'm not sure that I buy the "Oh, there was just a bug that's why the scores vanished". More like, they found the problem, fixed it, and don't want to admit that somebody broke a minor security point. It would be better just to say "We found some cheaters, now it's taken care of".

But as Steven Johnson, a cultural critic, points out in a recent book, "Everything Bad Is Good for You", gaming is now so widespread that if it did make people more violent, it ought to be obvious. Instead, he notes, in America violent crime actually fell sharply in the 1990s, just as the use of video and computer games was taking off (see chart 2). Of course, it's possible that crime would have fallen by even more over the period had America not taken up video games; still, video gaming has clearly not turned America into a more violent place than it was.

If you're going to suck the bandwidth off my old server, don't forget the Fear Effect 2 walkthrough.

I was torn about Fear Effect in general. There were parts of the game I liked, such as such of the puzzles, and the plot was certainly more mature than you'd find in other M rated games.

On the other hand, I think the whole "look, we're hot lesbian girls (maybe!) who have guns! Whoo!" was a little overdone. Did we really need Raine being sexually assaulted by a mechanical robot bug?

Fear Effect 3 looked to go further with the idea, but if they have the puzzle stuff down, it might be enjoyable.

I'm not big into spelling characters names, so if I've misspelled Ghimli or Aragorn or WhoFrigginGivesACrap, please forgive me for not rushing home to open the books and get every letter in the right spot - if you know the stories, you'll know whom I'm talking about.

Get Your Elf Ears On

About a year ago, I made a bet with New Line Cinema. I put up $10, scheduled my time to see the midnight showing of The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring with a bunch of geeks. I mean, we're talking the kind of folk who make their own chain mail, call each other pussies if they haven't read the entire Lord of the Rings trilogy once a year and can't talk Elvish, and girls that are hot. Look, I'm sorry to sound sexist, but geek girls are hot. (Trust me - the smarter the girl, the better they shag.)

I basically bet New Line Cinema they couldn't do it. They couldn't translate Tolkein's epic work into a movie format - even at over 2 hours long. There was too much, the actors would surely suck, and the only reason to go to the midnight showing was to poke fun at the geeks who showed up in their cadaver wax Elf Ears.

Well, the joke was on me. The Fellowship of the Rings turned out to be the True Shit - the kind of movie most Hollywood types can only dream of making. A movie that is, as near as I can figure, perfect: perfect acting, great timing of the plot, special effects that are so subtle you sometimes don't realize they're there, and an attention to detail that would make a compulsive counting accountant weep in envy.

But one year later - could Jackson and his team do it again? The Fellowship turns from the story of a small band of would-be heroes (and the fodder for just about every role playing/fantasy epic that ever existed), into the gigantic tale of war, treachery, and conflict - both great and small.

And while the movie has it's weak points, I think it's safe to say that Jackson still has the power to entertain on a level that should make just about every other hack director piss his pants in fear.

Ass Kicking in the Underworld

If you haven't seen the first movie, then you are boned - there's no introduction, no "here's what happened before" - it just takes off with Gandalf getting thrown into a pit, and takes off running.

For a three hour movie, the first 90 minutes of it hit the ground running faster than Richard Simmons on crack. We quickly see Frodo and Sam, the two remaining members of the former Fellowship still trying to fulfill their quest: take the One Ring to Mordor and destroy it before the all-evil Sauron can get his grubby mitts on it and use it to bring in a reign of terror worse than the Steve Balmer developers video. Frodo is sliding into e-vile as the Ring gives off its Evil Rays into its brain, and it's former owner Golem is hanging around them, guiding them to Mordor in the hopes that he can be reaquainted with his "Precious" once again.

Meanwhile, the multi-racial League of Heroes - Aragorn the human, Legolas the tree elf (so sexy I've known Geek Girls to take up residences in trees hoping to find their own tree elf), and Ghimli the Comic Relief - wait, I mean Dwarf, long of the axe and the source of most of the movie's humor. (I have the feeling that the Height Challenged segment of the population might have a bone to pick on how Ghimli is the butt of most of the jokes here - about height, short women, height, inability to ride horses, height, burping, and don't forget - height) - are trying to track down Hobbit-napped Merry and Pippin, two small people captured by Orcs to be taken to the evil Sauroman.

And what is Sauroman doing? Well, he's amassing the biggest baddest army to ever exist to kick everybody's ass to make up for all the times he got shoved into a locker in Wizard's School, and that Potter kid got all the credit. With his orcs killing everyone in the nation of Rohan, his aide Wormtongue keeping the Rohan king under evil possession, and using lots of conditioner to keep away split ends from his long, white locks, Sauroman looks like he's going to put him and Sauron on top of the heap.

Before you know it, there's major wars being fought, the return of fallen hero (and let's face it - if anybody hasn't read the books and still doesn't see this coming after all the previews, they should be surprised when I say Gandalf comes back), giant tree-like people called Ents are working their mojo in the forest, and Aragorn is getting the hot looks from not one, but two good looking women - and one's even Elf based. How hot is that?

Geeks Enter Here

The good news is that the pacing is excellent. There was only one moment about 3/5'ths of the way through the movie I found myself looking at my watch (during the long Elf dialogue scenes), but otherwise, it doesn't feel like a three hour movie. You're kept moving right along, no time to get bogged down with all the people and events hurtling by. It's not too fast of a pace either - each scene gets exactly the amount of detail and explanation it needs - no more, no less. This is not a movie where you're told 15 times some crucial piece of information - you should have gotten it the first time, and if you didn't, you'll figure it out on your won later. (Unlike another movie that had to tell you no less than 5 times every 5 minutes about the planetary alignment happening once every 5000 years.)

The movie is still targeted at Geeks themselves - they'll eat up all the details about people and places that most mere mortals will go "huh?" at, like when a character announces "Look, the Mystical Knights of Rayearth have passed by!" (All right, not literally, but you get the idea.) There's lots of names to pass around (and what was up with some of the names? We've got Aragorn, Arwen, Aowen - man, it's surprising that the characters don't get confused and launch into a Who's On First segment sometimes), but you don't have to pay attention to that - most people will get the gist and ignore it, while Geeks will be creaming their pants that Jackson got their favorite detail right.

As far as the acting - it is still as flawless as the original. There's not a scene where anybody feels out of character, or like their just standing around with a sword in their hand waiting to head out to their air-conditioned trailer. Every single actor in the movie - from the main cast down to the stand-in's - plays their role so well, you're convinced this isn't a movie you're watching, but some portal into another history that might have existed. And once again, Ian McKellen proves that he's still the best damn actor out there. His portrayal of Gandalf is spot on - one moment just another old man, full of compassion and slyness, the next second the ass-kicking terror in White. Do not get on this guys bad side, or you'll wind up worse than Mike Tyson's last date.

Look, Mommy - It's Computer Generated!

If there's one major complaint about the movie, it's in the special effects. 80% of the time, they're perfect when used to describe scale. When you first see the Black Gate and realize this fucker is huge, you can't help but just go all Keano Reeves as you breath "Woah!". Or as you look in the twisted forest, perfectly rendered, or the caves beneath the earth, or how our heroes get dirty, bloody, dusty, and generally look like they've been through the ringer.

The main problem with most of the effects is that we know their effects, unlike the last movie where the effects were so subtle, sometimes you didn't realize it was a trick until it was too late. Here, we've got computer generated characters in the form of Golem and the Ents running around the place, or the giant computer generated armies that just don't quite look right. They look good - but there's a level of reality still lacking, some quality that triggers our brain that this isn't real, and dissolves that suspension of disbelief just a little bit.

And sometimes the effects seem to be there just for effects sake - like when Legolas makes the coolest "around the horses neck" mounting of a horse ever, or another scene where Legolas goes down a flight of stairs skateboarding on a shield shooting arrows. Cool? Sure. Necessary? Maybe, maybe not. With all of the conflict going on, you feel that maybe 5 minutes could have been cut out of the movie. Then again, if action's your thing, you might wish for another 5 minutes to watch Aragorn keep up his Superman impression, taking on nearly an entire army of 10,000 orcs on his own with nothing more than a pair of chopsticks and a can of gasoline. Wait, that was from an episode of MacGuyver - my bad.

Then there's the looks of the characters. It's like the old Westerns, where the Bad Guy always wore a black hat. Here, if you're Evil, you're ugly. No good looking baddies here that make women's toes curl - bad guys seem to sprout warts, moles, slime, bad teeth, and a horrible case of gangrene all over their skin. On the other hand, good guys are usually sexy, even if you're a hobbit (I've had enough Geek Girls let me know that Frodo Baggins is close to winning Sexiest Man Under 5 Feet of the Year for the second year running).

Macro and Micro Conflict Systems

What really makes this movie special is more than just the retelling of The Two Towers adapted for the screen. If there's a theme running through the whole movie, it's about Conflict, on the Macro and Micro scale. There's the obvious Macro conflicts - giant armies pitting themselves against the other, the survival of mankind itself at stake. We see up close the effect this war has on people as women and children flee their villages, boys hardly old enough to sprout facial hair being put in armor, handed a sword, and told to go die for their people.

The army scenes are impressive. Once again, Jackson plays the sense of scale beautifully, and when you look out and see 10,000 orcs ready to attack, all you can think is "Damn - the humans are so fucked." Wars are shown to be the confusing, messy and random events that battles become, even if the good guys seem to be able to take out 100 baddies for every goody.

The micro conflicts are the true meat of this movie. Frodo against the corrupting power of the ring. Golem fighting against his own evil nature. This part was probably the best, as we see Smeagel, the man that Golem once was, try to fight his way back to the light. For the first time, Golem becomes more than a slimly froggy bogeyman. He becomes a creature deserving of our pity, proof of what any man will become once the Ring gets its hooks into you far enough.

We see Aragorn and Arowen the Elf deal with their separation, and the realization that only unhappiness may come of their love, since he'll be dead within a century, and she will walk the Earth forever to grieve for her lost love. The conflict of father over his daughter's safety and happiness, or the conflict of a leader uncertain how best to serve his people.

And of all of Jackson's achievements for the movie, it is the micro conflict that is the greatest effect of all. It makes so many of the characters more than just figures on the screen. It gives them humanity, a reason to cheer, to suffer, and to fall right along side them as the events of destiny hold their sway.

Once again, Jackson has created this years best movie - and there's still another 12 months ago before we meet the climatic ending of the trilogy. Personally, I'm already planning on plunking down my $10 to see the next one. After all, it's no longer a bet - it's now a sure thing.

As always, I'm John Hummel. And that's my opinion.

I'm not big into spelling characters names, so if I've misspelled Ghimli or Aragorn or WhoFrigginGivesACrap, please forgive me for not rushing home to open the books and get every letter in the right spot - if you know the stories, you'll know whom I'm talking about.

Get Your Elf Ears On

About a year ago, I made a bet with New Line Cinema. I put up $10, scheduled my time to see the midnight showing of The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring with a bunch of geeks. I mean, we're talking the kind of folk who make their own chain mail, call each other pussies if they haven't read the entire Lord of the Rings trilogy once a year and can't talk Elvish, and girls that are hot. Look, I'm sorry to sound sexist, but geek girls are hot. (Trust me - the smarter the girl, the better they shag.)

I basically bet New Line Cinema they couldn't do it. They couldn't translate Tolkein's epic work into a movie format - even at over 2 hours long. There was too much, the actors would surely suck, and the only reason to go to the midnight showing was to poke fun at the geeks who showed up in their cadaver wax Elf Ears.

Well, the joke was on me. The Fellowship of the Rings turned out to be the True Shit - the kind of movie most Hollywood types can only dream of making. A movie that is, as near as I can figure, perfect: perfect acting, great timing of the plot, special effects that are so subtle you sometimes don't realize they're there, and an attention to detail that would make a compulsive counting accountant weep in envy.

But one year later - could Jackson and his team do it again? The Fellowship turns from the story of a small band of would-be heroes (and the fodder for just about every role playing/fantasy epic that ever existed), into the gigantic tale of war, treachery, and conflict - both great and small.

And while the movie has it's weak points, I think it's safe to say that Jackson still has the power to entertain on a level that should make just about every other hack director piss his pants in fear.

Ass Kicking in the Underworld

If you haven't seen the first movie, then you are boned - there's no introduction, no "here's what happened before" - it just takes off with Gandalf getting thrown into a pit, and takes off running.

For a three hour movie, the first 90 minutes of it hit the ground running faster than Richard Simmons on crack. We quickly see Frodo and Sam, the two remaining members of the former Fellowship still trying to fulfill their quest: take the One Ring to Mordor and destroy it before the all-evil Sauron can get his grubby mitts on it and use it to bring in a reign of terror worse than the Steve Balmer developers video. Frodo is sliding into e-vile as the Ring gives off its Evil Rays into its brain, and it's former owner Golem is hanging around them, guiding them to Mordor in the hopes that he can be reaquainted with his "Precious" once again.

Meanwhile, the multi-racial League of Heroes - Aragorn the human, Legolas the tree elf (so sexy I've known Geek Girls to take up residences in trees hoping to find their own tree elf), and Ghimli the Comic Relief - wait, I mean Dwarf, long of the axe and the source of most of the movie's humor. (I have the feeling that the Height Challenged segment of the population might have a bone to pick on how Ghimli is the butt of most of the jokes here - about height, short women, height, inability to ride horses, height, burping, and don't forget - height) - are trying to track down Hobbit-napped Merry and Pippin, two small people captured by Orcs to be taken to the evil Sauroman.

And what is Sauroman doing? Well, he's amassing the biggest baddest army to ever exist to kick everybody's ass to make up for all the times he got shoved into a locker in Wizard's School, and that Potter kid got all the credit. With his orcs killing everyone in the nation of Rohan, his aide Wormtongue keeping the Rohan king under evil possession, and using lots of conditioner to keep away split ends from his long, white locks, Sauroman looks like he's going to put him and Sauron on top of the heap.

Before you know it, there's major wars being fought, the return of fallen hero (and let's face it - if anybody hasn't read the books and still doesn't see this coming after all the previews, they should be surprised when I say Gandalf comes back), giant tree-like people called Ents are working their mojo in the forest, and Aragorn is getting the hot looks from not one, but two good looking women - and one's even Elf based. How hot is that?

Geeks Enter Here

The good news is that the pacing is excellent. There was only one moment about 3/5'ths of the way through the movie I found myself looking at my watch (during the long Elf dialogue scenes), but otherwise, it doesn't feel like a three hour movie. You're kept moving right along, no time to get bogged down with all the people and events hurtling by. It's not too fast of a pace either - each scene gets exactly the amount of detail and explanation it needs - no more, no less. This is not a movie where you're told 15 times some crucial piece of information - you should have gotten it the first time, and if you didn't, you'll figure it out on your won later. (Unlike another movie that had to tell you no less than 5 times every 5 minutes about the planetary alignment happening once every 5000 years.)

The movie is still targeted at Geeks themselves - they'll eat up all the details about people and places that most mere mortals will go "huh?" at, like when a character announces "Look, the Mystical Knights of Rayearth have passed by!" (All right, not literally, but you get the idea.) There's lots of names to pass around (and what was up with some of the names? We've got Aragorn, Arwen, Aowen - man, it's surprising that the characters don't get confused and launch into a Who's On First segment sometimes), but you don't have to pay attention to that - most people will get the gist and ignore it, while Geeks will be creaming their pants that Jackson got their favorite detail right.

As far as the acting - it is still as flawless as the original. There's not a scene where anybody feels out of character, or like their just standing around with a sword in their hand waiting to head out to their air-conditioned trailer. Every single actor in the movie - from the main cast down to the stand-in's - plays their role so well, you're convinced this isn't a movie you're watching, but some portal into another history that might have existed. And once again, Ian McKellen proves that he's still the best damn actor out there. His portrayal of Gandalf is spot on - one moment just another old man, full of compassion and slyness, the next second the ass-kicking terror in White. Do not get on this guys bad side, or you'll wind up worse than Mike Tyson's last date.

Look, Mommy - It's Computer Generated!

If there's one major complaint about the movie, it's in the special effects. 80% of the time, they're perfect when used to describe scale. When you first see the Black Gate and realize this fucker is huge, you can't help but just go all Keano Reeves as you breath "Woah!". Or as you look in the twisted forest, perfectly rendered, or the caves beneath the earth, or how our heroes get dirty, bloody, dusty, and generally look like they've been through the ringer.

The main problem with most of the effects is that we know their effects, unlike the last movie where the effects were so subtle, sometimes you didn't realize it was a trick until it was too late. Here, we've got computer generated characters in the form of Golem and the Ents running around the place, or the giant computer generated armies that just don't quite look right. They look good - but there's a level of reality still lacking, some quality that triggers our brain that this isn't real, and dissolves that suspension of disbelief just a little bit.

And sometimes the effects seem to be there just for effects sake - like when Legolas makes the coolest "around the horses neck" mounting of a horse ever, or another scene where Legolas goes down a flight of stairs skateboarding on a shield shooting arrows. Cool? Sure. Necessary? Maybe, maybe not. With all of the conflict going on, you feel that maybe 5 minutes could have been cut out of the movie. Then again, if action's your thing, you might wish for another 5 minutes to watch Aragorn keep up his Superman impression, taking on nearly an entire army of 10,000 orcs on his own with nothing more than a pair of chopsticks and a can of gasoline. Wait, that was from an episode of MacGuyver - my bad.

Then there's the looks of the characters. It's like the old Westerns, where the Bad Guy always wore a black hat. Here, if you're Evil, you're ugly. No good looking baddies here that make women's toes curl - bad guys seem to sprout warts, moles, slime, bad teeth, and a horrible case of gangrene all over their skin. On the other hand, good guys are usually sexy, even if you're a hobbit (I've had enough Geek Girls let me know that Frodo Baggins is close to winning Sexiest Man Under 5 Feet of the Year for the second year running).

Macro and Micro Conflict Systems

What really makes this movie special is more than just the retelling of The Two Towers adapted for the screen. If there's a theme running through the whole movie, it's about Conflict, on the Macro and Micro scale. There's the obvious Macro conflicts - giant armies pitting themselves against the other, the survival of mankind itself at stake. We see up close the effect this war has on people as women and children flee their villages, boys hardly old enough to sprout facial hair being put in armor, handed a sword, and told to go die for their people.

The army scenes are impressive. Once again, Jackson plays the sense of scale beautifully, and when you look out and see 10,000 orcs ready to attack, all you can think is "Damn - the humans are so fucked." Wars are shown to be the confusing, messy and random events that battles become, even if the good guys seem to be able to take out 100 baddies for every goody.

The micro conflicts are the true meat of this movie. Frodo against the corrupting power of the ring. Golem fighting against his own evil nature. This part was probably the best, as we see Smeagel, the man that Golem once was, try to fight his way back to the light. For the first time, Golem becomes more than a slimly froggy bogeyman. He becomes a creature deserving of our pity, proof of what any man will become once the Ring gets its hooks into you far enough.

We see Aragorn and Arowen the Elf deal with their separation, and the realization that only unhappiness may come of their love, since he'll be dead within a century, and she will walk the Earth forever to grieve for her lost love. The conflict of father over his daughter's safety and happiness, or the conflict of a leader uncertain how best to serve his people.

And of all of Jackson's achievements for the movie, it is the micro conflict that is the greatest effect of all. It makes so many of the characters more than just figures on the screen. It gives them humanity, a reason to cheer, to suffer, and to fall right along side them as the events of destiny hold their sway.

Once again, Jackson has created this years best movie - and there's still another 12 months ago before we meet the climatic ending of the trilogy. Personally, I'm already planning on plunking down my $10 to see the next one. After all, it's no longer a bet - it's now a sure thing.

As always, I'm John Hummel. And that's my opinion.

I'm not big into spelling characters names, so if I've misspelled Ghimli or Aragorn or WhoFrigginGivesACrap, please forgive me for not rushing home to open the books and get every letter in the right spot - if you know the stories, you'll know whom I'm talking about.

Get Your Elf Ears On

About a year ago, I made a bet with New Line Cinema. I put up $10, scheduled my time to see the midnight showing of The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring with a bunch of geeks. I mean, we're talking the kind of folk who make their own chain mail, call each other pussies if they haven't read the entire Lord of the Rings trilogy once a year and can't talk Elvish, and girls that are hot. Look, I'm sorry to sound sexist, but geek girls are hot. (Trust me - the smarter the girl, the better they shag.)

I basically bet New Line Cinema they couldn't do it. They couldn't translate Tolkein's epic work into a movie format - even at over 2 hours long. There was too much, the actors would surely suck, and the only reason to go to the midnight showing was to poke fun at the geeks who showed up in their cadaver wax Elf Ears.

Well, the joke was on me. The Fellowship of the Rings turned out to be the True Shit - the kind of movie most Hollywood types can only dream of making. A movie that is, as near as I can figure, perfect: perfect acting, great timing of the plot, special effects that are so subtle you sometimes don't realize they're there, and an attention to detail that would make a compulsive counting accountant weep in envy.

But one year later - could Jackson and his team do it again? The Fellowship turns from the story of a small band of would-be heroes (and the fodder for just about every role playing/fantasy epic that ever existed), into the gigantic tale of war, treachery, and conflict - both great and small.

And while the movie has it's weak points, I think it's safe to say that Jackson still has the power to entertain on a level that should make just about every other hack director piss his pants in fear.

Ass Kicking in the Underworld

If you haven't seen the first movie, then you are boned - there's no introduction, no "here's what happened before" - it just takes off with Gandalf getting thrown into a pit, and takes off running.

For a three hour movie, the first 90 minutes of it hit the ground running faster than Richard Simmons on crack. We quickly see Frodo and Sam, the two remaining members of the former Fellowship still trying to fulfill their quest: take the One Ring to Mordor and destroy it before the all-evil Sauron can get his grubby mitts on it and use it to bring in a reign of terror worse than the Steve Balmer developers video. Frodo is sliding into e-vile as the Ring gives off its Evil Rays into its brain, and it's former owner Golem is hanging around them, guiding them to Mordor in the hopes that he can be reaquainted with his "Precious" once again.

Meanwhile, the multi-racial League of Heroes - Aragorn the human, Legolas the tree elf (so sexy I've known Geek Girls to take up residences in trees hoping to find their own tree elf), and Ghimli the Comic Relief - wait, I mean Dwarf, long of the axe and the source of most of the movie's humor. (I have the feeling that the Height Challenged segment of the population might have a bone to pick on how Ghimli is the butt of most of the jokes here - about height, short women, height, inability to ride horses, height, burping, and don't forget - height) - are trying to track down Hobbit-napped Merry and Pippin, two small people captured by Orcs to be taken to the evil Sauroman.

And what is Sauroman doing? Well, he's amassing the biggest baddest army to ever exist to kick everybody's ass to make up for all the times he got shoved into a locker in Wizard's School, and that Potter kid got all the credit. With his orcs killing everyone in the nation of Rohan, his aide Wormtongue keeping the Rohan king under evil possession, and using lots of conditioner to keep away split ends from his long, white locks, Sauroman looks like he's going to put him and Sauron on top of the heap.

Before you know it, there's major wars being fought, the return of fallen hero (and let's face it - if anybody hasn't read the books and still doesn't see this coming after all the previews, they should be surprised when I say Gandalf comes back), giant tree-like people called Ents are working their mojo in the forest, and Aragorn is getting the hot looks from not one, but two good looking women - and one's even Elf based. How hot is that?

Geeks Enter Here

The good news is that the pacing is excellent. There was only one moment about 3/5'ths of the way through the movie I found myself looking at my watch (during the long Elf dialogue scenes), but otherwise, it doesn't feel like a three hour movie. You're kept moving right along, no time to get bogged down with all the people and events hurtling by. It's not too fast of a pace either - each scene gets exactly the amount of detail and explanation it needs - no more, no less. This is not a movie where you're told 15 times some crucial piece of information - you should have gotten it the first time, and if you didn't, you'll figure it out on your won later. (Unlike another movie that had to tell you no less than 5 times every 5 minutes about the planetary alignment happening once every 5000 years.)

The movie is still targeted at Geeks themselves - they'll eat up all the details about people and places that most mere mortals will go "huh?" at, like when a character announces "Look, the Mystical Knights of Rayearth have passed by!" (All right, not literally, but you get the idea.) There's lots of names to pass around (and what was up with some of the names? We've got Aragorn, Arwen, Aowen - man, it's surprising that the characters don't get confused and launch into a Who's On First segment sometimes), but you don't have to pay attention to that - most people will get the gist and ignore it, while Geeks will be creaming their pants that Jackson got their favorite detail right.

As far as the acting - it is still as flawless as the original. There's not a scene where anybody feels out of character, or like their just standing around with a sword in their hand waiting to head out to their air-conditioned trailer. Every single actor in the movie - from the main cast down to the stand-in's - plays their role so well, you're convinced this isn't a movie you're watching, but some portal into another history that might have existed. And once again, Ian McKellen proves that he's still the best damn actor out there. His portrayal of Gandalf is spot on - one moment just another old man, full of compassion and slyness, the next second the ass-kicking terror in White. Do not get on this guys bad side, or you'll wind up worse than Mike Tyson's last date.

Look, Mommy - It's Computer Generated!

If there's one major complaint about the movie, it's in the special effects. 80% of the time, they're perfect when used to describe scale. When you first see the Black Gate and realize this fucker is huge, you can't help but just go all Keano Reeves as you breath "Woah!". Or as you look in the twisted forest, perfectly rendered, or the caves beneath the earth, or how our heroes get dirty, bloody, dusty, and generally look like they've been through the ringer.

The main problem with most of the effects is that we know their effects, unlike the last movie where the effects were so subtle, sometimes you didn't realize it was a trick until it was too late. Here, we've got computer generated characters in the form of Golem and the Ents running around the place, or the giant computer generated armies that just don't quite look right. They look good - but there's a level of reality still lacking, some quality that triggers our brain that this isn't real, and dissolves that suspension of disbelief just a little bit.

And sometimes the effects seem to be there just for effects sake - like when Legolas makes the coolest "around the horses neck" mounting of a horse ever, or another scene where Legolas goes down a flight of stairs skateboarding on a shield shooting arrows. Cool? Sure. Necessary? Maybe, maybe not. With all of the conflict going on, you feel that maybe 5 minutes could have been cut out of the movie. Then again, if action's your thing, you might wish for another 5 minutes to watch Aragorn keep up his Superman impression, taking on nearly an entire army of 10,000 orcs on his own with nothing more than a pair of chopsticks and a can of gasoline. Wait, that was from an episode of MacGuyver - my bad.

Then there's the looks of the characters. It's like the old Westerns, where the Bad Guy always wore a black hat. Here, if you're Evil, you're ugly. No good looking baddies here that make women's toes curl - bad guys seem to sprout warts, moles, slime, bad teeth, and a horrible case of gangrene all over their skin. On the other hand, good guys are usually sexy, even if you're a hobbit (I've had enough Geek Girls let me know that Frodo Baggins is close to winning Sexiest Man Under 5 Feet of the Year for the second year running).

Macro and Micro Conflict Systems

What really makes this movie special is more than just the retelling of The Two Towers adapted for the screen. If there's a theme running through the whole movie, it's about Conflict, on the Macro and Micro scale. There's the obvious Macro conflicts - giant armies pitting themselves against the other, the survival of mankind itself at stake. We see up close the effect this war has on people as women and children flee their villages, boys hardly old enough to sprout facial hair being put in armor, handed a sword, and told to go die for their people.

The army scenes are impressive. Once again, Jackson plays the sense of scale beautifully, and when you look out and see 10,000 orcs ready to attack, all you can think is "Damn - the humans are so fucked." Wars are shown to be the confusing, messy and random events that battles become, even if the good guys seem to be able to take out 100 baddies for every goody.

The micro conflicts are the true meat of this movie. Frodo against the corrupting power of the ring. Golem fighting against his own evil nature. This part was probably the best, as we see Smeagel, the man that Golem once was, try to fight his way back to the light. For the first time, Golem becomes more than a slimly froggy bogeyman. He becomes a creature deserving of our pity, proof of what any man will become once the Ring gets its hooks into you far enough.

We see Aragorn and Arowen the Elf deal with their separation, and the realization that only unhappiness may come of their love, since he'll be dead within a century, and she will walk the Earth forever to grieve for her lost love. The conflict of father over his daughter's safety and happiness, or the conflict of a leader uncertain how best to serve his people.

And of all of Jackson's achievements for the movie, it is the micro conflict that is the greatest effect of all. It makes so many of the characters more than just figures on the screen. It gives them humanity, a reason to cheer, to suffer, and to fall right along side them as the events of destiny hold their sway.

Once again, Jackson has created this years best movie - and there's still another 12 months ago before we meet the climatic ending of the trilogy. Personally, I'm already planning on plunking down my $10 to see the next one. After all, it's no longer a bet - it's now a sure thing.

As always, I'm John Hummel. And that's my opinion.

I'm not big into spelling characters names, so if I've misspelled Ghimli or Aragorn or WhoFrigginGivesACrap, please forgive me for not rushing home to open the books and get every letter in the right spot - if you know the stories, you'll know whom I'm talking about.

Get Your Elf Ears On

About a year ago, I made a bet with New Line Cinema. I put up $10, scheduled my time to see the midnight showing of The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring with a bunch of geeks. I mean, we're talking the kind of folk who make their own chain mail, call each other pussies if they haven't read the entire Lord of the Rings trilogy once a year and can't talk Elvish, and girls that are hot. Look, I'm sorry to sound sexist, but geek girls are hot. (Trust me - the smarter the girl, the better they shag.)

I basically bet New Line Cinema they couldn't do it. They couldn't translate Tolkein's epic work into a movie format - even at over 2 hours long. There was too much, the actors would surely suck, and the only reason to go to the midnight showing was to poke fun at the geeks who showed up in their cadaver wax Elf Ears.

Well, the joke was on me. The Fellowship of the Rings turned out to be the True Shit - the kind of movie most Hollywood types can only dream of making. A movie that is, as near as I can figure, perfect: perfect acting, great timing of the plot, special effects that are so subtle you sometimes don't realize they're there, and an attention to detail that would make a compulsive counting accountant weep in envy.

But one year later - could Jackson and his team do it again? The Fellowship turns from the story of a small band of would-be heroes (and the fodder for just about every role playing/fantasy epic that ever existed), into the gigantic tale of war, treachery, and conflict - both great and small.

And while the movie has it's weak points, I think it's safe to say that Jackson still has the power to entertain on a level that should make just about every other hack director piss his pants in fear.

Ass Kicking in the Underworld

If you haven't seen the first movie, then you are boned - there's no introduction, no "here's what happened before" - it just takes off with Gandalf getting thrown into a pit, and takes off running.

For a three hour movie, the first 90 minutes of it hit the ground running faster than Richard Simmons on crack. We quickly see Frodo and Sam, the two remaining members of the former Fellowship still trying to fulfill their quest: take the One Ring to Mordor and destroy it before the all-evil Sauron can get his grubby mitts on it and use it to bring in a reign of terror worse than the Steve Balmer developers video. Frodo is sliding into e-vile as the Ring gives off its Evil Rays into its brain, and it's former owner Golem is hanging around them, guiding them to Mordor in the hopes that he can be reaquainted with his "Precious" once again.

Meanwhile, the multi-racial League of Heroes - Aragorn the human, Legolas the tree elf (so sexy I've known Geek Girls to take up residences in trees hoping to find their own tree elf), and Ghimli the Comic Relief - wait, I mean Dwarf, long of the axe and the source of most of the movie's humor. (I have the feeling that the Height Challenged segment of the population might have a bone to pick on how Ghimli is the butt of most of the jokes here - about height, short women, height, inability to ride horses, height, burping, and don't forget - height) - are trying to track down Hobbit-napped Merry and Pippin, two small people captured by Orcs to be taken to the evil Sauroman.

And what is Sauroman doing? Well, he's amassing the biggest baddest army to ever exist to kick everybody's ass to make up for all the times he got shoved into a locker in Wizard's School, and that Potter kid got all the credit. With his orcs killing everyone in the nation of Rohan, his aide Wormtongue keeping the Rohan king under evil possession, and using lots of conditioner to keep away split ends from his long, white locks, Sauroman looks like he's going to put him and Sauron on top of the heap.

Before you know it, there's major wars being fought, the return of fallen hero (and let's face it - if anybody hasn't read the books and still doesn't see this coming after all the previews, they should be surprised when I say Gandalf comes back), giant tree-like people called Ents are working their mojo in the forest, and Aragorn is getting the hot looks from not one, but two good looking women - and one's even Elf based. How hot is that?

Geeks Enter Here

The good news is that the pacing is excellent. There was only one moment about 3/5'ths of the way through the movie I found myself looking at my watch (during the long Elf dialogue scenes), but otherwise, it doesn't feel like a three hour movie. You're kept moving right along, no time to get bogged down with all the people and events hurtling by. It's not too fast of a pace either - each scene gets exactly the amount of detail and explanation it needs - no more, no less. This is not a movie where you're told 15 times some crucial piece of information - you should have gotten it the first time, and if you didn't, you'll figure it out on your won later. (Unlike another movie that had to tell you no less than 5 times every 5 minutes about the planetary alignment happening once every 5000 years.)

The movie is still targeted at Geeks themselves - they'll eat up all the details about people and places that most mere mortals will go "huh?" at, like when a character announces "Look, the Mystical Knights of Rayearth have passed by!" (All right, not literally, but you get the idea.) There's lots of names to pass around (and what was up with some of the names? We've got Aragorn, Arwen, Aowen - man, it's surprising that the characters don't get confused and launch into a Who's On First segment sometimes), but you don't have to pay attention to that - most people will get the gist and ignore it, while Geeks will be creaming their pants that Jackson got their favorite detail right.

As far as the acting - it is still as flawless as the original. There's not a scene where anybody feels out of character, or like their just standing around with a sword in their hand waiting to head out to their air-conditioned trailer. Every single actor in the movie - from the main cast down to the stand-in's - plays their role so well, you're convinced this isn't a movie you're watching, but some portal into another history that might have existed. And once again, Ian McKellen proves that he's still the best damn actor out there. His portrayal of Gandalf is spot on - one moment just another old man, full of compassion and slyness, the next second the ass-kicking terror in White. Do not get on this guys bad side, or you'll wind up worse than Mike Tyson's last date.

Look, Mommy - It's Computer Generated!

If there's one major complaint about the movie, it's in the special effects. 80% of the time, they're perfect when used to describe scale. When you first see the Black Gate and realize this fucker is huge, you can't help but just go all Keano Reeves as you breath "Woah!". Or as you look in the twisted forest, perfectly rendered, or the caves beneath the earth, or how our heroes get dirty, bloody, dusty, and generally look like they've been through the ringer.

The main problem with most of the effects is that we know their effects, unlike the last movie where the effects were so subtle, sometimes you didn't realize it was a trick until it was too late. Here, we've got computer generated characters in the form of Golem and the Ents running around the place, or the giant computer generated armies that just don't quite look right. They look good - but there's a level of reality still lacking, some quality that triggers our brain that this isn't real, and dissolves that suspension of disbelief just a little bit.

And sometimes the effects seem to be there just for effects sake - like when Legolas makes the coolest "around the horses neck" mounting of a horse ever, or another scene where Legolas goes down a flight of stairs skateboarding on a shield shooting arrows. Cool? Sure. Necessary? Maybe, maybe not. With all of the conflict going on, you feel that maybe 5 minutes could have been cut out of the movie. Then again, if action's your thing, you might wish for another 5 minutes to watch Aragorn keep up his Superman impression, taking on nearly an entire army of 10,000 orcs on his own with nothing more than a pair of chopsticks and a can of gasoline. Wait, that was from an episode of MacGuyver - my bad.

Then there's the looks of the characters. It's like the old Westerns, where the Bad Guy always wore a black hat. Here, if you're Evil, you're ugly. No good looking baddies here that make women's toes curl - bad guys seem to sprout warts, moles, slime, bad teeth, and a horrible case of gangrene all over their skin. On the other hand, good guys are usually sexy, even if you're a hobbit (I've had enough Geek Girls let me know that Frodo Baggins is close to winning Sexiest Man Under 5 Feet of the Year for the second year running).

Macro and Micro Conflict Systems

What really makes this movie special is more than just the retelling of The Two Towers adapted for the screen. If there's a theme running through the whole movie, it's about Conflict, on the Macro and Micro scale. There's the obvious Macro conflicts - giant armies pitting themselves against the other, the survival of mankind itself at stake. We see up close the effect this war has on people as women and children flee their villages, boys hardly old enough to sprout facial hair being put in armor, handed a sword, and told to go die for their people.

The army scenes are impressive. Once again, Jackson plays the sense of scale beautifully, and when you look out and see 10,000 orcs ready to attack, all you can think is "Damn - the humans are so fucked." Wars are shown to be the confusing, messy and random events that battles become, even if the good guys seem to be able to take out 100 baddies for every goody.

The micro conflicts are the true meat of this movie. Frodo against the corrupting power of the ring. Golem fighting against his own evil nature. This part was probably the best, as we see Smeagel, the man that Golem once was, try to fight his way back to the light. For the first time, Golem becomes more than a slimly froggy bogeyman. He becomes a creature deserving of our pity, proof of what any man will become once the Ring gets its hooks into you far enough.

We see Aragorn and Arowen the Elf deal with their separation, and the realization that only unhappiness may come of their love, since he'll be dead within a century, and she will walk the Earth forever to grieve for her lost love. The conflict of father over his daughter's safety and happiness, or the conflict of a leader uncertain how best to serve his people.

And of all of Jackson's achievements for the movie, it is the micro conflict that is the greatest effect of all. It makes so many of the characters more than just figures on the screen. It gives them humanity, a reason to cheer, to suffer, and to fall right along side them as the events of destiny hold their sway.

Once again, Jackson has created this years best movie - and there's still another 12 months ago before we meet the climatic ending of the trilogy. Personally, I'm already planning on plunking down my $10 to see the next one. After all, it's no longer a bet - it's now a sure thing.

As always, I'm John Hummel. And that's my opinion.

I'm not big into spelling characters names, so if I've misspelled Ghimli or Aragorn or WhoFrigginGivesACrap, please forgive me for not rushing home to open the books and get every letter in the right spot - if you know the stories, you'll know whom I'm talking about.

Get Your Elf Ears On

About a year ago, I made a bet with New Line Cinema. I put up $10, scheduled my time to see the midnight showing of The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring with a bunch of geeks. I mean, we're talking the kind of folk who make their own chain mail, call each other pussies if they haven't read the entire Lord of the Rings trilogy once a year and can't talk Elvish, and girls that are hot. Look, I'm sorry to sound sexist, but geek girls are hot. (Trust me - the smarter the girl, the better they shag.)

I basically bet New Line Cinema they couldn't do it. They couldn't translate Tolkein's epic work into a movie format - even at over 2 hours long. There was too much, the actors would surely suck, and the only reason to go to the midnight showing was to poke fun at the geeks who showed up in their cadaver wax Elf Ears.

Well, the joke was on me. The Fellowship of the Rings turned out to be the True Shit - the kind of movie most Hollywood types can only dream of making. A movie that is, as near as I can figure, perfect: perfect acting, great timing of the plot, special effects that are so subtle you sometimes don't realize they're there, and an attention to detail that would make a compulsive counting accountant weep in envy.

But one year later - could Jackson and his team do it again? The Fellowship turns from the story of a small band of would-be heroes (and the fodder for just about every role playing/fantasy epic that ever existed), into the gigantic tale of war, treachery, and conflict - both great and small.

And while the movie has it's weak points, I think it's safe to say that Jackson still has the power to entertain on a level that should make just about every other hack director piss his pants in fear.

Ass Kicking in the Underworld

If you haven't seen the first movie, then you are boned - there's no introduction, no "here's what happened before" - it just takes off with Gandalf getting thrown into a pit, and takes off running.

For a three hour movie, the first 90 minutes of it hit the ground running faster than Richard Simmons on crack. We quickly see Frodo and Sam, the two remaining members of the former Fellowship still trying to fulfill their quest: take the One Ring to Mordor and destroy it before the all-evil Sauron can get his grubby mitts on it and use it to bring in a reign of terror worse than the Steve Balmer developers video. Frodo is sliding into e-vile as the Ring gives off its Evil Rays into its brain, and it's former owner Golem is hanging around them, guiding them to Mordor in the hopes that he can be reaquainted with his "Precious" once again.

Meanwhile, the multi-racial League of Heroes - Aragorn the human, Legolas the tree elf (so sexy I've known Geek Girls to take up residences in trees hoping to find their own tree elf), and Ghimli the Comic Relief - wait, I mean Dwarf, long of the axe and the source of most of the movie's humor. (I have the feeling that the Height Challenged segment of the population might have a bone to pick on how Ghimli is the butt of most of the jokes here - about height, short women, height, inability to ride horses, height, burping, and don't forget - height) - are trying to track down Hobbit-napped Merry and Pippin, two small people captured by Orcs to be taken to the evil Sauroman.

And what is Sauroman doing? Well, he's amassing the biggest baddest army to ever exist to kick everybody's ass to make up for all the times he got shoved into a locker in Wizard's School, and that Potter kid got all the credit. With his orcs killing everyone in the nation of Rohan, his aide Wormtongue keeping the Rohan king under evil possession, and using lots of conditioner to keep away split ends from his long, white locks, Sauroman looks like he's going to put him and Sauron on top of the heap.

Before you know it, there's major wars being fought, the return of fallen hero (and let's face it - if anybody hasn't read the books and still doesn't see this coming after all the previews, they should be surprised when I say Gandalf comes back), giant tree-like people called Ents are working their mojo in the forest, and Aragorn is getting the hot looks from not one, but two good looking women - and one's even Elf based. How hot is that?

Geeks Enter Here

The good news is that the pacing is excellent. There was only one moment about 3/5'ths of the way through the movie I found myself looking at my watch (during the long Elf dialogue scenes), but otherwise, it doesn't feel like a three hour movie. You're kept moving right along, no time to get bogged down with all the people and events hurtling by. It's not too fast of a pace either - each scene gets exactly the amount of detail and explanation it needs - no more, no less. This is not a movie where you're told 15 times some crucial piece of information - you should have gotten it the first time, and if you didn't, you'll figure it out on your won later. (Unlike another movie that had to tell you no less than 5 times every 5 minutes about the planetary alignment happening once every 5000 years.)

The movie is still targeted at Geeks themselves - they'll eat up all the details about people and places that most mere mortals will go "huh?" at, like when a character announces "Look, the Mystical Knights of Rayearth have passed by!" (All right, not literally, but you get the idea.) There's lots of names to pass around (and what was up with some of the names? We've got Aragorn, Arwen, Aowen - man, it's surprising that the characters don't get confused and launch into a Who's On First segment sometimes), but you don't have to pay attention to that - most people will get the gist and ignore it, while Geeks will be creaming their pants that Jackson got their favorite detail right.

As far as the acting - it is still as flawless as the original. There's not a scene where anybody feels out of character, or like their just standing around with a sword in their hand waiting to head out to their air-conditioned trailer. Every single actor in the movie - from the main cast down to the stand-in's - plays their role so well, you're convinced this isn't a movie you're watching, but some portal into another history that might have existed. And once again, Ian McKellen proves that he's still the best damn actor out there. His portrayal of Gandalf is spot on - one moment just another old man, full of compassion and slyness, the next second the ass-kicking terror in White. Do not get on this guys bad side, or you'll wind up worse than Mike Tyson's last date.

Look, Mommy - It's Computer Generated!

If there's one major complaint about the movie, it's in the special effects. 80% of the time, they're perfect when used to describe scale. When you first see the Black Gate and realize this fucker is huge, you can't help but just go all Keano Reeves as you breath "Woah!". Or as you look in the twisted forest, perfectly rendered, or the caves beneath the earth, or how our heroes get dirty, bloody, dusty, and generally look like they've been through the ringer.

The main problem with most of the effects is that we know their effects, unlike the last movie where the effects were so subtle, sometimes you didn't realize it was a trick until it was too late. Here, we've got computer generated characters in the form of Golem and the Ents running around the place, or the giant computer generated armies that just don't quite look right. They look good - but there's a level of reality still lacking, some quality that triggers our brain that this isn't real, and dissolves that suspension of disbelief just a little bit.

And sometimes the effects seem to be there just for effects sake - like when Legolas makes the coolest "around the horses neck" mounting of a horse ever, or another scene where Legolas goes down a flight of stairs skateboarding on a shield shooting arrows. Cool? Sure. Necessary? Maybe, maybe not. With all of the conflict going on, you feel that maybe 5 minutes could have been cut out of the movie. Then again, if action's your thing, you might wish for another 5 minutes to watch Aragorn keep up his Superman impression, taking on nearly an entire army of 10,000 orcs on his own with nothing more than a pair of chopsticks and a can of gasoline. Wait, that was from an episode of MacGuyver - my bad.

Then there's the looks of the characters. It's like the old Westerns, where the Bad Guy always wore a black hat. Here, if you're Evil, you're ugly. No good looking baddies here that make women's toes curl - bad guys seem to sprout warts, moles, slime, bad teeth, and a horrible case of gangrene all over their skin. On the other hand, good guys are usually sexy, even if you're a hobbit (I've had enough Geek Girls let me know that Frodo Baggins is close to winning Sexiest Man Under 5 Feet of the Year for the second year running).

Macro and Micro Conflict Systems

What really makes this movie special is more than just the retelling of The Two Towers adapted for the screen. If there's a theme running through the whole movie, it's about Conflict, on the Macro and Micro scale. There's the obvious Macro conflicts - giant armies pitting themselves against the other, the survival of mankind itself at stake. We see up close the effect this war has on people as women and children flee their villages, boys hardly old enough to sprout facial hair being put in armor, handed a sword, and told to go die for their people.

The army scenes are impressive. Once again, Jackson plays the sense of scale beautifully, and when you look out and see 10,000 orcs ready to attack, all you can think is "Damn - the humans are so fucked." Wars are shown to be the confusing, messy and random events that battles become, even if the good guys seem to be able to take out 100 baddies for every goody.

The micro conflicts are the true meat of this movie. Frodo against the corrupting power of the ring. Golem fighting against his own evil nature. This part was probably the best, as we see Smeagel, the man that Golem once was, try to fight his way back to the light. For the first time, Golem becomes more than a slimly froggy bogeyman. He becomes a creature deserving of our pity, proof of what any man will become once the Ring gets its hooks into you far enough.

We see Aragorn and Arowen the Elf deal with their separation, and the realization that only unhappiness may come of their love, since he'll be dead within a century, and she will walk the Earth forever to grieve for her lost love. The conflict of father over his daughter's safety and happiness, or the conflict of a leader uncertain how best to serve his people.

And of all of Jackson's achievements for the movie, it is the micro conflict that is the greatest effect of all. It makes so many of the characters more than just figures on the screen. It gives them humanity, a reason to cheer, to suffer, and to fall right along side them as the events of destiny hold their sway.

Once again, Jackson has created this years best movie - and there's still another 12 months ago before we meet the climatic ending of the trilogy. Personally, I'm already planning on plunking down my $10 to see the next one. After all, it's no longer a bet - it's now a sure thing.

As always, I'm John Hummel. And that's my opinion.

As long as it's not Legend of Alon Dar, we'll all be fine.

Seriously - from the screenshots I've seen, it looks like Stormfront has done a decent job. Best of luck on the game's release.

Bad AI. Puke green graphics.

Sorry to pimp myself, but I think it's put best here:

Daikatana Review.

I also bought it for $5 - and found it was $4.99 too much.

Basically, it boils down to "make it work".

I love Unix - I love the power and the stability. I still use Linux as a server system (though, I admit I wouldn't mind trying out an Apple server just to compare).

But the biggest reason why I switched just deals with making it work. Do I have to worry about whether my clock program, which has the features I want, works under Gnome or KDE or not? Will I be able to cut and paste between Emacs and Mozilla? How do I install the serial port adapter software - oh, wait, I'm using Red Hat, and the designer made it to work with Suse....

Again, it's not that Linux is bad at all, it just takes that much more work to tweak. Want to change resolution in Xwindows? Get out to a prompt and run Xconfigurator.

Then I use OS X, and I get the best of both worlds. I get the power of Unix (I spend more time in Terminal than anything else), but I still get a slick interface and programs that look great. I don't worry about whether the program I'm looking at needs Windows Manager or something else - it fits in. I can still run Gimp (because I'm too damn cheap for Photo Shop) under XDarwin.

I'd love for Linux to make huge desktop roads, but that will take a change of paradigm[sic]. Linux developers will have to give up some things - say "Let's stop the KDE vs Gnome arguments, and say *this* is the standard - let folks experiment with things if they want, but we will heretofore say *this* is the way to do things", then go out and make it. They'll have to have an Interface guideline, and try to hold to it. They'll have to get follow up programmer who don't just focus on cool technology - which we need, and I thank God they make it - but then they need someone to come along after them and say "All right, let's put a good interface on this puppy."

Is OS X better? Probably not - the stability is about the same, the speed is probably less than Linux, but the interface is great. Linux is faster, but isn't as pleasing to work with.

So that's why I switched. I keep up with the Linux stuff for my servers, but my day to day gaming/typing/communicating is done on OS X.

And just to self pimp (or for more on this subject): Penguin2Apple: How a Linux Lover turned to a Macintosh

Does this mean you are changing your review style (http://www.gamerspress.com/dspreviews.php?id=391 for example) for something a bit less "vapid, chauvenistic, and annoying"? ;-)

As reported on The Register, which was really a repost of an article from Compuwire, AOL has announced that in its next upgrade to their AOL client for Apple's OS X, it will use Netscape by default. (And just for those who want another link, Spider-Man is cool).

Most people (well, me) assume this means that AOL is using the Macintosh crowd as a testing base, then will make the same move on the Windows side of things by changing their PC client's default from IE to Netscape. The move won't really hurt Microsoft - it will still own 80% of the browser market, and since both Netscape and Internet Explorer are free, neither company will start having shifts of money.

But this isn't so much about money, as it is about control. AOL knows that their are two reasons Microsoft pushes Internet Explorer. Control of standards, and control of eyeballs. With every Windows computer that ships, it has Internet Explorer on it. And it's home page is MSN, Microsoft's media system.

Control the Eyeballs!

Netscape, by comparison, points to Netscape.com - which contains the collective linked knowledge to all things AOL/Time Warner. Links to news articles on CNN, Cartoon Network, and all else.

It's about the eyeballs. AOL wants you to see Time/Warner stuff, Microsoft wants those eyeballs to check out MSN. Both companies have a lot to gain by keeping your attention. AOL/Time Warner wants you to know all about their movies (like the upcoming Power Puff Girls movie, or their cable channels, or their electronic entertainment partnerships, or, just as important, keeping you signed up with AOL.

MSN has its wants, with its line of cable shows, plus all of the other Microsoft goodies, like Gamezone, Hotmail, Expedia and other services - which keep you plugged into the Microsoft system, and keeps those dollars coming in.

Control the browser, control the world

Just as important as the eyeballs is the technology that drives what they see. At last year's E3 (Electronic Entertainment Expo), AOl and Sony demonstrated using AOL on the Playstation 2 system, at the same time that Sony talked about running Linux on the Playstation 2. Now, almost a year later, Sony is getting ready to start shipping their hard drive/Ethernet/modem combo unit for $150. And AOL sees a large market place - one where there are more TV's than computers, and a $200 Playstation 2 in plenty of homes.

Odds are, Microsoft isn't going to make Internet Explorer for the Playstation system (not with their own Xbox on the market) - let alone for Linux. But since AOL has been sponsoring the creation of Mozilla, the Open Source browser Netscape is based on. Mozilla has been ported to nearly every operating system in existence - Linux, Macintosh, Solaris, and, of course, Windows. And across all operating systems, it provides the same look and feel - so now it doesn't matter what operating system you're using to surf the web/check your mail/chat with your friends on - Netscape looks the same. And you can bet it will be easy enough to develop and port to the Playstation 2 as well.

The implications could drive a shift of development. Suppose you're a web developer at this second, and you want to make sure people visiting your web page see all the whiz bang stuff. Right now, you spend most of your time making sure that Internet Explorer sees the page perfectly - then concentrate on the other browsers out there. Microsoft is happy, because to make sure IE looks the best, odds are you'll use Microsoft technology, which means you're spending Microsoft money (note: not Microsoft Money - different thing).

Netscape, being built on Mozilla, is HTML 4.0 standards compliant. That means that anything written for Netscape is certain to work with every other browser out there - including Internet Explorer (as long as Microsoft codes IE to be fully HTML compliant).

So now the web developer, in a post AOL-switching-to-Netscape time, has a new choice. Program your web site for IE, then for all the others - or make your web site HTML 4.0 standards compliant, and know that all browsers will render it correct the first time. There will still be questions about plug-ins (like those who like to use Flash enabled web sites, but by changing that over to Java, which runs on as many operating systems as Mozilla, developers can code around that hurdle. HTML 4.0 standards mean that anyone's tools can be used - Open Source, proprietary, or otherwise. Which means less money to Microsoft, and more power everyone else.

Maybe the move to Netscape won't change the world overnight, or drive subscribers to AOL. But it keeps the competition between the two companies alive.

And for most of us, competition is a good thing.

As always, I'm John "Dark Paladin" Hummel. And that's my opinion.

As reported on The Register, which was really a repost of an article from Compuwire, AOL has announced that in its next upgrade to their AOL client for Apple's OS X, it will use Netscape by default. (And just for those who want another link, Spider-Man is cool).

Most people (well, me) assume this means that AOL is using the Macintosh crowd as a testing base, then will make the same move on the Windows side of things by changing their PC client's default from IE to Netscape. The move won't really hurt Microsoft - it will still own 80% of the browser market, and since both Netscape and Internet Explorer are free, neither company will start having shifts of money.

But this isn't so much about money, as it is about control. AOL knows that their are two reasons Microsoft pushes Internet Explorer. Control of standards, and control of eyeballs. With every Windows computer that ships, it has Internet Explorer on it. And it's home page is MSN, Microsoft's media system.

Control the Eyeballs!

Netscape, by comparison, points to Netscape.com - which contains the collective linked knowledge to all things AOL/Time Warner. Links to news articles on CNN, Cartoon Network, and all else.

It's about the eyeballs. AOL wants you to see Time/Warner stuff, Microsoft wants those eyeballs to check out MSN. Both companies have a lot to gain by keeping your attention. AOL/Time Warner wants you to know all about their movies (like the upcoming Power Puff Girls movie, or their cable channels, or their electronic entertainment partnerships, or, just as important, keeping you signed up with AOL.

MSN has its wants, with its line of cable shows, plus all of the other Microsoft goodies, like Gamezone, Hotmail, Expedia and other services - which keep you plugged into the Microsoft system, and keeps those dollars coming in.

Control the browser, control the world

Just as important as the eyeballs is the technology that drives what they see. At last year's E3 (Electronic Entertainment Expo), AOl and Sony demonstrated using AOL on the Playstation 2 system, at the same time that Sony talked about running Linux on the Playstation 2. Now, almost a year later, Sony is getting ready to start shipping their hard drive/Ethernet/modem combo unit for $150. And AOL sees a large market place - one where there are more TV's than computers, and a $200 Playstation 2 in plenty of homes.

Odds are, Microsoft isn't going to make Internet Explorer for the Playstation system (not with their own Xbox on the market) - let alone for Linux. But since AOL has been sponsoring the creation of Mozilla, the Open Source browser Netscape is based on. Mozilla has been ported to nearly every operating system in existence - Linux, Macintosh, Solaris, and, of course, Windows. And across all operating systems, it provides the same look and feel - so now it doesn't matter what operating system you're using to surf the web/check your mail/chat with your friends on - Netscape looks the same. And you can bet it will be easy enough to develop and port to the Playstation 2 as well.

The implications could drive a shift of development. Suppose you're a web developer at this second, and you want to make sure people visiting your web page see all the whiz bang stuff. Right now, you spend most of your time making sure that Internet Explorer sees the page perfectly - then concentrate on the other browsers out there. Microsoft is happy, because to make sure IE looks the best, odds are you'll use Microsoft technology, which means you're spending Microsoft money (note: not Microsoft Money - different thing).

Netscape, being built on Mozilla, is HTML 4.0 standards compliant. That means that anything written for Netscape is certain to work with every other browser out there - including Internet Explorer (as long as Microsoft codes IE to be fully HTML compliant).

So now the web developer, in a post AOL-switching-to-Netscape time, has a new choice. Program your web site for IE, then for all the others - or make your web site HTML 4.0 standards compliant, and know that all browsers will render it correct the first time. There will still be questions about plug-ins (like those who like to use Flash enabled web sites, but by changing that over to Java, which runs on as many operating systems as Mozilla, developers can code around that hurdle. HTML 4.0 standards mean that anyone's tools can be used - Open Source, proprietary, or otherwise. Which means less money to Microsoft, and more power everyone else.

Maybe the move to Netscape won't change the world overnight, or drive subscribers to AOL. But it keeps the competition between the two companies alive.

And for most of us, competition is a good thing.

As always, I'm John "Dark Paladin" Hummel. And that's my opinion.

So, Round 1 of the console wars is over, with Sony far in 1st place, and Nintendo and the Xbox somewhere in second. (Most of my figures say Nintendo is in the 2nd place slot, but its so close nobody can tell.)

Round 2 has now begun - and it's over before it's even started. Look at the competition:

Sony - spend $150 on a 40 Gigabyte hard drive with ethernet and modem ports. Use with any ISP you with. Developers provide the servers.

The games: Final Fantasy XI, Everquest, and Star Wars: Galaxies

Nintendo - spend $35 on either an ethernet adapter, or a modem. Use with any ISP you want. Developers provide the servers.

The Games: Phantasy Star Online 1 and 2.

Xbox - spend $0 dollars - but you have to sign up for a fee (price unknown, assumed to be $5-$10 a month). Servers maintained by Microsoft (a point that kept that kept EA out of the Xbox online system.

The Games: Um....

This is why I sold my Xbox yesterday. (And have exactly enough in store credit that I could get a new one in case the Xbox comes out with something pretty damn cool.)

But so far, Sony is far and away doing the best job with online gaming, and with their partnership with AOL, and the Linux system on the PS2, I think the fears Microsoft had (as detailed in the first part of the book Opening the Xbox, where the Xbox was mainly a reaction to the fear that the PS2 would become a hoome computer), are all coming true.

"After two-and-a-half years of Linux, I've finally found joy in a UNIX operating system. And I found it when I purchased a Macintosh - the first one I've ever owned."
- John Hummel Jr., The Gamers' Press

"After two-and-a-half years of Linux, I've finally found joy in a UNIX operating system. And I found it when I purchased a Macintosh - the first one I've ever owned."
- John Hummel Jr., The Gamers' Press

After 2.5 years of Linux, I've finally found joy in a Unix operating system. And I found it when I purchased a Macintosh - the first one I have ever owned. What could turn an Open Source junkie into a Mac-head? Click Read More and find out.

The Garden

How the Best Site on the Internet looks from OS X. Back in the '80's, I spent a lot of time doing many things that kids do. I played a little Dungeons and Dragons with my friends (until my parents, certain I would become a Satan worshiping pervert, brought an end to that one. Ha! Jokes on them - I became a Satan worshipper anyway.) I played ball with my friends, rode my bike around the neighborhood, caught a glimpse of Stacy Baker's 6th grade breasts when she showed them to me (I was in the 6th grade myself, and trust me, that fueled almost a year of fantasies) -

And I played some computer games. On an Apple II computer system.

That was really my first experience with computers. Playing games like Ultima III and Ultima IV (both bootleg copies, before I knew what "warez" was and that I should be avoiding it). I played text based games (most of them were never finished as I couldn't get the game to accept commands like "put egg in lake" or "drop egg in lake" or "slam egg into the damn lake you stupid computer!"

I went straight from the world of Apple II right into DOS. My father got a IBM computer, and I learned how to use Wordperfect 5.1 (which was the best word processor ever. I wrote the worst 12 year old 120 page book in the history of 12 year old books with that program.)

And then, one day, my father got Windows. I didn't get what the big deal was. Evidently you were suppose to be able to run multiple programs at once. I could never figure that out. Whenever I clicked on Wordperfect, the same DOS program filled the entire screen. (This was before I discovered the magic of the alt-tab command.) Right click, or click and hold down, and you can see the contents of folders you've put in the Dock.

When I left home, my father game me two gifts. Luggage, and a broken computer. From the broken computer I learned what is now my trade, moving into the world of Windows 95 and Wing Commander III.

But there was a problem. All the magic promised by Windows 95 never came. Maybe because every six months, I had to reformat the system and rebuild it. Oh, sure, Windows NT 4.0 was better - more stable, but you just couldn't run as many games on it. (I'm personally convinced that Microsoft never ported DirectX 5.0 to NT 4.0 just to get people to upgrade to Windows 2000. That, and because the company is composed of pricks.)

Even today with Windows 2000 and my development work, usually my day proceeds along "Work, work, crash. Reboot. Wait. Computer won't reboot. Shut down power. Work. Hang. Reboot. Boot into Linux for a few hours. Get some work done. Forced to reboot into Windows for some program. Crash." Dealing with Microsoft operating systems is like having the school president as your best friend. Yeah, he's pretty popular. But when you realize that you're just in high school, you realize he doesn't have the ability to do shit.

So I've suffered with Windows through the years, dealing with it because, well, that's all I had.

And then, I discovered Linux.

Want to run Xwindows programs in OS X? Get XDarwin.

A whole new world was opened to me. GNU/Linux, the Open Source operating system wonder. It seemed that this was the computing answer that I was looking for. People raged about how well it played Quake.

After trial and error, and learning my way through the system, I had a computer with Linux on it. And...it was good. I could do so many things. I learned how to use Fetchmail to get all of the mail from all of my mail accounts, and download it to the local box. I learned how to use IMAP so I could get my mail from anywhere in the world.

The mysteries of Perl became known to me, and I started to learn how I could edit files in gigantic sweeps, or how to tie it into Image Magick so I could edit the files on The Gamers Press at once instead of laboriously opening them all with The Gimp (which would take, literally, hours, as I resized, pasted logos, made thumbnails, and saved it all).

I learned the magic of the FTP server and SSH, or how I could plug my Linux box into the Internet and telnet into it from work so I could run programs and scripts. It was like magic. It didn't crash - even the day that the hard drive died, and the operating system kept running so that when I came home, I could repair the damage. I once made the mistake of accidently trying to open 500 1MB JPEG images at once in The Gimp - and the system didn't crash.

But...I still wasn't happy. Part of it was because I just couldn't get my Linux box do everything that I wanted. For one thing, no matter what I tried, I just couldn't get many games to run on it. I bought different video cards, purchased the Linux version of Quake, and Quake II, and other games. Who needs $400 for Photoshop when you can get the Gimp for, um, nothing?

For all of the instructions, I couldn't get my ATI TV-Wonder card, which I use to capture screen shots and movies from video games I'm reviewing, to work under Linux. People wrote about how I had to install patches into the Linux kernel, and recompile it.

You have to understand, the idea of recompiling a kernel is a terrifying idea to me. I've done it a few times, and each times my insides twist around like I'm 12 years old and about to see a girl's breasts for the first time. And even after all of that, obeying strange, cryptic comments like I was an alchemist trying to follow the instructions for turning lead into gold, still I couldn't get the ATI card to run under Linux.

And there were the other little things. As much as I love the Mozilla, the Open Source browser that Netscape is built on, I love it's stability, it's tabs (once you try tabs, you can't go back), there were still things that just didn't work right. Like the Java plug in. I tried to install that so many times, and it just wouldn't work. Or the ability to watch Quicktime videos from Linux. Or when people would send me Microsoft Word documents that StarOffice couldn't quite translate.

But the worst, the truly worst part, was cut 'n paste. Using Linux, I would tend to use Emacs, a wonderful text editor that takes me back to the Wordperfect days. Emacs is powerful, quick, does just about whatever I want. It also doesn't let me simply cut and paste text from itself into a Mozilla browser, which is how I post articles on The Gamers Press. I tried using different text programs in Linux. Staroffice wouldn't work, because it stubbornly tried to WYSIWYG all HTML encoded files, even if those files were labeled text. And for something like myself who likes to edit HTML directly, it was annoying to have anything between myself and the actual code. The KDE clipboard didn't always hold text from one program to the next. At one point, I got annoyed that it kept trying to open Konqueror every time I cut text with a web link inside, so I tried to edit the clipboard program to make it stop. Afterwards, I couldn't cut and paste links at all.

But there was so much to like, like GCC, a C/C++ compiler so I could build my own programs. Or my beloved Perl.

Linux was a lot like a girl named Allison that I used to date. She was a hot redhead with large, firm breasts in most of my honors classes. She was smart, she was cute - and she was totally crazy. I could only deal with her strange behavior for so long, no matter how much I loved the rest of her.

But what else could I do? My Windows machine was now only for games and my ATI-TV card, and the few times I needed a Windows only program. My Linux box did everything else, it did it with brutal effectiveness, but it just wasn't cuddly. It was a bulldog with hairs made of needles. It never let me down, but I could never get close to it. I was resigned to simply living with this.

Enter the Serpent

And then...I started hearing about OS X. It took about an hour to rip all 17 disks from Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire to 128 bit MP3 format. It took about 3 minutes to transfer them to my iPod. My iPod is the second sexiest thing that fits in my palm.

I first caught word of OS X through Slashdot. I had never used a Macintosh, well, unless you count a few days in high school. But it just wasn't for me.

But there was something that called to me. A Unix core...with the Apple GUI? What would happen with the power of Unix was combined with Apple's legendary GUI interface?

I started looking up all of the information I could. I read through the Ars Techana review from the point of view of a Macintosh lover, who both praised and criticized the operating system. Or the writings of Tales of a BeOS Refugee, which was from the point of view of a BeOS user going to Apple's new operating system. I even devoured The Register's comments about how much they didn't like OS X.

But there was something in common with so many of these articles. They were written from the point of view of people who had been using the Macintosh operating system for years, who had become use to its quirks and oddities, of its inability to handle virtual memory (though how you can have a decent operating system without virtual memory, I just don't know). These had good things to say about OS X, then mentioned all of their problems with the operating systems interface compared to the old OS 9 system.

But at the same time, I wasn't like any of them. I hadn't used a Macintosh before. (In fact, before today, I hadn't met anyone who had used a Mac for a long period of time. But more on that later.) I was coming from a perspective of an almost pure Unix user moving to Mac, not from a Mac user moving to a more Unix based system.

It was time for me to upgrade my Linux machine anyway. My two computers - the Pentium III 800 machine which ran Windows, and thus my games, and the Pentium II 450 which housed my Linux machine - were getting a little behind. The original plan was to purchase a new computer, keep Windows on it, and make the Pentium 800 into my new Linux box.

But still, the call of OS X kept coming to me. Since there's no Apple stores in Utah, I could stop by CompUSA and try out the Macintosh machines there. And it...just felt right.

There was something about OS X that just felt right to my fingers. I liked The Dock, the Start Menu/Program Launching system. I learned how to move folders and program icons in and out of the Dock, or how to navigate the file system. Use the iPod as an MP3 player, or as a disk drive. I nearly installed OS X on it just to boot from it - but then realized I didn't have a reason to do that.

And the terminal. Oh, the terminal. The command prompt that all Unix heads are used to. It's the mother's tit, the place where everything starts. Why cut and paste files, when a simple "mv" command words wonders? Or tab completion. Instead of typing "ren thefileiwanttochange.txt", a true Unix head knows they can type "ren thefile[TAB]" and the operating system would type in the rest fo the file name. Or typing "cd ~" to go back to your "home" directory.

And in OS X, it was all right there, and even smarter than what I was used to in the Linux command line. When I typed "cd dir[tab]", the computer didn't try to fill in the file "directly", but know that since I was using the "cd" command, I wanted to go to the directory called "directory". Or if I mistyped a command, typing in "emcs", the system would ask "emacs?", and I could just type Y and go on, comfortable that my finger fumbling would be caught.

I finally caved in, deciding that, if worse came to worse, I could always install a PowerPC version of Linux on the box. I wouldn't be any worse off, and I planned to spend the money anyway, so what would it matter if I turned out not to like OS X, since I would just have Linux back on it.

I ordered my machine, a PowerPC 933 system with 512 MB RAM and an 80 Gig hard drive. I agonized over that decision until I had the system perfect, then ordered it.

And then my real experiences began.

The Conversion During the time that I waited for my Power mac, pieces of it came in the mail. First was the software (BBedit and Office X), then the iPod. I played with the iPod for a few days, showing it to my friends even though I didn't have any music on it.

It was hard not to. It's just cool. It's small, and so user friendly, I didn't have to crack open the manual to figure out how to use it. I must have spent a few hours just rolling through the different options, hearing the little "clicking" noise it made just because I could. I even went so far as to rebuild an old Sony laptop computer that used to have Linux on it back to Windows 98 to try out a software program that's suppose to make the iPod work with Windows. (But since the laptop's rescue CD didn't only had Windows 98, not Windows 98 SE, that cut that endeavor short). iDisk - Apple's free, online storage/email/web page system. I haven't had a reason to use it. Yet.

When my Power mac finally arrived in the mail, I took it into work and set it up there. Right upon taking it out of the box, it just seemed so...pretty. I guess that's the only way to put it. The grey/silver looking package has rounded curves and a handle that makes it easy to carry around. I opened up the side just because I could - one flick of the lever, and I was peering at the guts of my new system.

I decided to use my old trusty optical Intellimouse instead of the standard mouse Apple sends with it, and plugged the system into my monitor, plugged in the clear Apple speakers I had ordered (and discovered with some chagrin that they only work with a new Apple computer), and turned it on.

The first thing I noticed was the sound through the speakers, then the little smily face Mac computer in the middle of my monitor. A few seconds later, and I was at a registration page. No entering in serial numbers or cryptic commands - it simply wanted to know who I was to register the computer, and then proceeded to launch into OS X.

The next thing I noticed is just how sharp everything looked. Using the same monitor for my Windows 2000/Linux machine at work, and my Linux/Windows 98 setup at home, the OS X just looks sharper. The images look a little cleaner and brighter, and the text - I've never understood the big deal about "anti-aliasing" until I read web pages under the Mac. The text, which was readable before, was nearly perfect here. Under Linux, I usually had to enlarge the font to 150% to read pages at CNN. Under OS X, I could leave the pages just as they were, and they were even more readable. Maybe it's because the system uses Adobe PDF rendering at the core to delivery almost page-like displays. Or all the Aqua pieces that Apple talks about to give the cool transparency. Whatever it is, OS X just makes things look good. Disk images. Like zip files - only better.

OS X is probably the easiest system I've ever had to use. There's so Start Menu, but something called the Dock, which holds all of your currently running programs (well, not all, but more on that in a moment), as well as holding your minimized windows.

Sounds like just the one you'd see in Windows 95/95/2000/XP, right? Well, yes and no. The biggest difference is that the Dock is a dynamic system. You see, it is possible to drag programs directly into the Dock, so you can launch them later with one click of a button. Running programs have a small black triangle underneath them, so it's easy to tell what's running and what's not.

But it holds more than just programs. It can also hold folders or files, which go on the right side. In my case, I have three folders - a link to my Home directory, one to a folder with shortcuts to programs I usually run, and one more to the main Applications folder. A single click brings up the folder, holding down the mouse button brings up a menu of all that the folder holds.

It's something that just makes sense. And OS X really gets the idea. It has to, the way that it's programs are installed.

When I first went to install Microsoft Office X, there was something that surprised me about the installation procedure. Basically, it was "copy this folder into your Applications directory". Or Omniweb, a competing web browser. It's just one file.

Well, not really. It's called a "package", where that one file, like a zip file, contains other files. Instead of an executable surrounded by dll's, it simply has all the dependancies it needs right inside itself. Again, simple. Elegant.

Coming from a place where to install a program on Red Hat can involve using a RPM (and I'm sorry, I've never figured out how to uninstall a RPM file), having the entire program contents in one file is just a wonder. Want to get rid of the file? I don't have to go wandering through directories to find all the files I have to delete, or worry about an uninstall program that can't seem to get all of the necessary parts out of the directories and registries. If I want to uninstall, I just drag one file to the Trash.

And thanks to the Unix bits of OS X, program stability is a snap. For those who are used to Linux, the command "ps" is a standard - it shows the "processes", or running programs. Have a program that's out of line? Just start up the old "Process Listing" program, and give it a little "kill" command. Program stops running. No messages about "I can't shut down the program" like you'd see in Windows. It dies. The end. It's something I've grown used to in Linux, and having it in OS X is just natural.

All of the other weird bits

You can't just close the windows to end a program - you actually have to tell it "Quit". There is a lot to like about OS X, including the parts that are both convenient and a little weird. If you want to eject a CD-ROM, you can either press the eject button the keyboard (no, the computer doesn't have an eject button), or you can drag the CD-ROM icon on your desktop to the trash.

Copying programs is much like Windows - select a file, and either drag it to another directory, or select Edit->Copy. But oddly, there's no "Cut" command. A weirdness that's taken some getting used to.

Or that Finder windows, each of which have the name of the title of the directory, if you click and hold the title, you can use that to move the folder somewhere else. Rather nice, even if its different.

You can minimize a window, and it's image will show up in the Dock. The first time I did this with a terminal window, I almost had a heart attack as I noticed that the little window kept updating as the program ran, so I didn't have to check it all the time.

Or you can just "hide" a program. Since OS X does a great job with memory management, it's often best to start a program (like Mail or iTunes, the MP3 player), then just "Hide" it. The program icon still stays in the Dock, but the window itself just...vanishes. Click on the program icon, and it comes right back.

In fact, the whole "hiding" a program versus "closing" it is another weirdness. You can close all of the windows for a program, but that doesn't actually "exit" the program - you still need to press Apple-Q, or right click on the program in the Dock and select Quit. It would be nice to have a setting like "if all windows are closed, end the program".

Then there's the whole Metadata thing. Most of us who have used Windows or Linux are used to have file extensions tied to a program. We all know that if a file ends in MP3, and we double click on it, XMMS or WinAmp will launch.

Under OS X...it depends. I've only seen a little bit of it, and for the most part it's been fine, and a little annoying at other times. Take a .jpg image. If the image was downloaded from the Internet, odds are, the standard "Preview" program will work. But if that program was made with Image Converter, then the next time you click on that particular .jpg file, Image Converter will launch, since that was the program the file "Created With". I've only had one program running an old Groupwise program (which runs in Classic, which is really an OS 9 emulator), and it thinks it owns a Word document someone emailed me.

I've been using Internet Explorer since I moved onto the Mac, and I haven't decided if I'm going to reinstall Mozilla. I'm planning on playing with it soon, since IE has some weird quirks of its own. Sometimes when I click on a bookmark, it wants me to rename it instead of jumping to the site. I haven't figured out if it's the way I click it , or something else.

Update: Since this writing, I've dumped Internet Explorer after it wouldn't let me paste this entire article into the text window. Seems it has a space limit on how large an amount of text you can paste into a window. Mozilla doesn't have that problem. And it has tabs. I missed my tabs.

And cut and pasting. It just works flawlessly. I can cut from terminal and paste into a browser window. I can copy from BBEdit, the text-based HTML editor, and paste it into an email. And it's even easier than cutting and pasting in Windows. (Every tried to cut and paste text from the Windows 2000 telnet program? Somebody decided to change all the cut and paste keys to piss of the users, I'm sure.)

The Games of the X

To get rid of a disk image, just eject it. Oh, and Cardcaptors is so cute. Ah, yes. The games. This was something that I was worried about. I do have a few games that run on both Windows and Mac, like Diablo, the Myth games, or the Myst games. And I've ordered some other games, like the Bungie Mac Action Sack which holds the old Marathon series of games. And Baldur's Gate, that RPG modern classic.

All of these games were made for OS 9 and below, which really means it's going to run in Classic, the OS 9 emulator that runs in OS X. It's like running a DOS program in Windows XP. Only...it actually works. Most gamers know that under the newer Windows operating systems, often old games just refuse to run (like Ultima VII, for example, unless you're using the Exult, which doesn't count since it's a rewrite anyway).

I haven't had an old Mac program fail to run. I've had some odd quirks, like Baldur's Gate running a little quick, or times I need to shut down the Classic environment and restart it, but otherwise, the programs run just fine. I've noticed that 3D acceleration doesn't quite work for Classic programs running under OS X, but since the only game I've tried it Myth: The Fallen Lords, I can't answer whether other older Mac games will work. (Like Alice, or Red Faction. I'll have to try those later and see what happens.) In order to get 3d acceleration to work, I've had to actually reboot into OS 9 - an experience I usually avoid when I can. No Unix there.

Enter our friend Unix

Of all of the reasons why I went to OS X, this was the biggest one. If I couldn't run my mail server, Fetchmail, Perl scripts, and all the rest, I might just as well format the system and install Yellow Dog Linux. Switchpic - allowing people to manage huge collections of desktop backgrounds everywhere. (The new Version 2.0 lets you handle them in iTunes like collections. Very snazzy.)

Not only did all of my Unix programs install just fine under OS X and run like they've always done, but the OS X developers crowd have even ported many of them over just for OS X. Installing Samba was a breeze - I just downloaded the OS X specific binaries and installed. Getting The Gimp was simple after installing XDarwin, a rootless XWindows system. Even Image Magick came up perfectly. And I didn't even have to change any of my Perl scripts. I just copies them from my Linux box, and off they ran.

In fact, my old Linux hard drive is now a backup drive in my OS X box. I just shut it off. Why keep it on? OS X does everything it did - only prettier, easier, and with more little tricks. I don't have to worry "can I get hardware X to work?" I never have to hear "oh, just recompile your kernel, or edit the configure script before you compile".

And that's what I wanted. I'm not begrudging the folks who use Linux or FreeBSD or the other systems. I still use Linux as the web servers at my work, and have no plans on changing that. Open Source is driving the true innovation, bringing greater stability and power to computer systems.

But I'm a lazy son of a bitch, and I just want to use the programs, not fiddle with it for hours to get it to run. And that's what OS X gives me. Power, and simplicity.

And with the power of Unix comes the ability to tweak OS X just the way I like. I've already discovered how to make my Dock fully transparent (which looks pretty damn cool), or how to use Switchpic to give the same "rotate desktop backgrounds" ability I had under KDE and Linux.

Bitch like an old lady

VNC - lets me take control of my OS X box from work over the Internet. No, I'm not telling you the IP address. Or the password. Or where I keep my, er, my daughter's copy of Beach Playmates Romp. If there is one gripe about OS X itself, it's about the way to open files. Apple-O opens a file/runs a program. Pressing Enter on a file renames it. If there isn't a more counterintuitive method of doing it, I don't know what is. When I look at a directory and type "Tales of the" to jump to "Tales of the Sword Coast", then hit Enter, I mean "Launch Tales of the Sword Coast". If there was a way to edit this key combination (or if someone could tell me how to change those keys), I'd be a little happier.

That said, I do still have some gripes about OS X. But the gripes aren't about the operating system itself, but the support, or lack of it, from other vendors.

Novell, let's start with you. I took my Power mac into my day job because I was tired of booting between Linux and Windows 2000 all day long. Novell, I realize that over the last few years, your primary goal has been to lose market share as fast as possible. This is why there's no novell administrator, unless you run Windows (what moron thought up that idea?), why you haven't come out with an OS X client for Groupwise, or even a Novell client for OS X. What do I fucking have to kill to get someone to make an OS X program that will let me mount some Novell volumes on my machine here?

ATI - personally, I think your cards are the bomb. I love my ATI TV-Wonder, and I've been eyeing those 8500 All-in-Wonder DV cards. So why aren't you spreading the OS X love? You have a TV USB device for Mac, but there's no OS X drivers. And where are the All-in-Wonder cards? You'd think that was a no-brainer on the Mac. I want that screen-capturing, straight to Quicktime movie ability that I know you can give me.

I like OS X a lot, and I'm now a fully converted Mac user. It has all the power I remember in Linux, but it's easier to use, and far prettier. It has all of the editing abilities of my Windows machine, without all of the crashes. (I haven't had OS X crash once since I've run it.) And if the other vendors can just get off their asses and realize that OS X is the future of Apple, and maybe they should be writing their drivers and apps to that system, then I wouldn't have anything to gripe about.

For now, I'm just a guy who started loving a penguin, then discovered true love with an Apple.

As always, I'm John "Dark Paladin" Hummel. And that's my opinion.

This is to the people who feel the need to bring their 2 year olds to midnight movie premieres. You shitheads are going to rot in your graves the next time you do that. If you're too fucking cheap and lazy to get a babysitter, then stay the hell home and don't ruin it for the rest of us. I like kids, but I do not want to hear them crying their eyes out because the movie gets loud, or when I go kick in their parents teeth for being selfish pricks.

Thank you. We now continue with the review.

Holy Fucking Shit

When I was 15 years old, I dated a girl named Denise. Denise was a tall (3 inches taller than myself) redhead, full of curves up top, a flat belly in the middle, and blood as hot as fire. When she graduated and left for MIT (she was a senior, I was a junior) it broke my heart.

I'll always remember one spring day in Washington, when she drove her car (she was 16, you realize) to the park. I won't go into detail, but the next 90 minutes in the backseat was one of the most incredible moments of my life, and the only thing that went through my head during the experience (which left windows fogged and two teenagers slick with sweat) was "Holy Fucking Shit".

13 years later I'm watching Peter Jackman's adaptation of "The Fellowship of the Ring" (FOTR). I'm not even going to pretend that it was even close to making out with Denise in the back of her car. But only one thought went through my head when the closing credits aired.

Holy.

Fucking.

Shit.

For those who have missed the last 50 years

Once upon a time, there was this bad ass named Sauron, and he made this bad ass Ring. This wasn't just any Ring. With it, he could control all of these other powerful rings and the people who used them. It also turned him into the ultimate kick ass guy. He'd sweep his sword once, and 20 men would go flying. Entire buildings were built with the force of this ring. The ultimate in evil, The Spice Girls weren't created from the Ring - but the Backstreet Boys were.

Well, one day Sauron decimating people left and right gets his fingers chopped off (not so invincible now, are ya?) and he gets destroyed. No, not really. Turns out that he put a large part of his own soul into the Ring, so as long as the ring exists, he exists. And the Ring wants to return to his master, for with it great and terrible things can be done. (Like Austin Powers 3.)

For the Ring is evil. Not as in an evil thing, but as in an intelligent thing, one that tempts and corrupts all who touch it. (Kind of like Don King. Only without the stupid ass hair.) People just looking at it lust after it (like Denise and me), they need it, and only those pure of heart can hold it for long - and even these will ultimately become corrupted by the Ring.

The ring, after betraying it's new wielder, passes from hand to hand, to Gollum who hides in the mountains, to Bilbo Baggins, who just happens to get lost in the mountains, and finally to Frodo, a young man who has no idea of the can of whoop ass he's holding in his hand.

And this is where the story begins.

Where the hell is page 53?

"The Lord of the Rings" is a very long, and in my humble opinion, rather slow series of books. Events can take months to happen, and most of the books are spent with people talking their lips off at each other. Yes, it's all cool and good and the story of nobility and betrayal is the basis for pretty much all our fantasy today. But damn, it's long in getting there.

The movie for FOTR gives the story a much needed jolt in the ass. Months are shortened to days, but they don't lose the core of the story. Just moves it along a little faster. We see Gandalf, master wizard and know-it-all at large, discovering that this magic ring his friend Bilbo has is The friggin' ring, and everything goes to hell from there. Frodo's on the run from a psychotic black-clad collection agency called the Ringwraiths - immortal bad motherhumpers who are just about unstoppable. Gandalf is being betrayed by a former friend and trying to get his old bearded ass out of the trouble he's in, and the audience isn't dragged into it, we sell our damn souls to be taken along this ride, and we love every second of it.

Yes, there are moments that are over the top. When some Elf King guys tells the 9 they are the Fellowship of the Ring and the music climaxes, it's hard not to think "All right, that was camp city". Or other moments when the dialogue is there to explain, and we have to wait through it. But the moments are few and in between. Like getting a bitter bean in your chili - it's gone before you make a bad face.

Probably the biggest problem with this is with the non-standard names that are thrown out. Just a part of the movie, but there were a few moments like this:

Legolas: Gollum escaped from the la-le-lu-li-lo dungeon!

Me: The what dungeon?

Fanboy on right: From [I can't spell it] dungeon. It's where the elves took Gollum when he was being questioned by Gandalf and Aragorn, where they learned, blah, blah, blah, I want him to shut the hell up so I can enjoy the movie.

Fangirl on the left: Let's hop in the back seat of my car, Dark Paladin and make sweet, sweet love.

Me: (Dang, that Liv Tyler doesn't look half bad.)

It's scary. People get dirty, leaves in their hair, blood in their faces, and we jump in terror when something comes around the corner and goes "Boo", because Jackman is a friggin' genius who really makes us think that the Good Guys are about to have their asses handed to them on a plate. And even when they prove what bad asses they are, we can see the odds are just so way against them, they'd better stock up on life insurance.

It's also beautiful. In the beginning we see The Shire, Bilbo's home that rolls like like the British countryside that we all dream about - full of long, green hills and farms. One of those places you want to take a vacation, then a shotgun to shoot any bastard that starts talking on their cell phone.

Then we see the rest of the world, and we're overwhelmed by its size. Inside the mines of Moria, we see miles upon miles of excavated rocks and bridges and columns, and just go "God damn, that things huge!". Or a look at the creation of a new castle crawling with tens of thousands of orcs like ticks on a dog, and it's mind boggling that anything could be so big. It's an incredible effect - and yet, we never notice it.

The Effects that weren't there

For the past 5 years, folks in Hollywood have been engaged in a circle jerk to decide who can make the best special effects. Take "The Mummy 2", a movie which had a bad plot, bad dialogue, bad action, bad concept - but the special effects were cool, so the producers figured they could feed us shit by covering it in honey. And that's just scratching the surface.

In FOTR, we never notice the special effects, because the movie isn't based on them. When we see Bilbo turn into something awful for a split second, we don't say "Wow, nice effects!" We think "Damn, what happened to that nice old guy that we've come to love?" There's none of the slow-motion, camera turning crap that doesn't do a thing for the story. But we do see a river swollen with water that turns out to be horses - but it's gone so fast and the story keeps on, we don't have a director so in love with himself that he forces us to watch computer animation for 5 minutes just to prove how cool it is. It's there, in, out, and done.

It's the subtlety that show how well the movie is made. Later in the movie a Balrog appears - a demon made of smoke and fire (kind of like the Republican party). But we don't see it for a long time - just a red glow coming towards the characters, as we watch their eyes get big, and finally Gandalf says "Let's get the fuck out of here." All right, so it's not that, but we get the idea, and without seeing this thing, we know it's bad news.

The best special effects are placed to enhance the rest of the world, and make us forget that this whole thing was made up from somebody's brain case. The hobbits aren't midgets - they look just like regular people, only shorter. I'm sure the guy who plays Frodo isn't really 4 feet high - but when he's standing next to Aragorn, he looks just 4 feet high with hair-covered feet.

Or when Galadriel, the elf queen, who is a beautiful woman (not sexy, like I want to jump her, but a noble beauty that is to be looked at, terrible in its power) turns around and reveals her own lust for the ring, her visage is still beautiful - and awful. We want to look at her and hide from her. She is the Mother God and Demon Bitch rolled into one.

It's called Acting. Look it up

So without the special effects to hinge on, that means we have to rely on the acting to carry the story. And this is where the movie is at its best.

First, Ian McKellen is Gandalf. No, he doesn't play Gandalf, he is Gandalf. Here's an old guy with a big white beard who seems just that - old, absent minded, into simple pleasures. It's a guy with crinkling blue eyes, the grandpa you want to sit in his lap while he smokes a pipe because he's a cool old guy.

He's also a bad ass motherhumper that if you cross, he will reach down your throat and pull out your spine, then feed it to you on a plate. You do not want to mess with this guy, old hair and all. There's steel in those bones, and you'll break yourself before they bend.

He's a man who suffers, who watches others and feels their pain. When he sees Frodo taking up the Ring, because Frodo is the only one who can, we can feel Gandalf's torment at the loss of innocence. When the Ring is offered to him, we know he's terrified to touch it, terrified of the temptation to use it for good, and the evil that would follow.

Elijah Wood plays an amazingly good Frodo Baggins. He's not a teenager, but an innocent young man who's thrust into this situation. We see how he suffers because of the Ring, because of how others react to the Ring, and how it preys on him and strips away that happy man we saw earlier. We suffer right with him as he moves towards Mordor and his destiny.

Each of the rest of the cast know their place is to act and entertain us, and they do that. Men cry when their companions are hurt. People actually act like they like each other, not that they met 5 minutes ago and say their lines. And I don't know what happened to Liv Tyler, who normally doens't do anything for me (something about those lips that make me think she's going to eat me - and mind out of the gutter, you), but damn, she looks lovely in here. I still don't want her naked in my bed, but I wouldn't mind snapping a picture of her on the horse and hanging it on my wall. The girl looks good

There's plenty of action to be had. Fights with orcs underground, above ground, swords flashing, arrows flying - you name it, we've got it. And there's blood, limbs and heads hacked off. Not gratuitous, a little over the top at times, but it's there for the sake of the story, and we're never quite sure if the good guys are about to punch out their tickets. Even folks like me who have read the books still get that "Dude, they are so dead" feeling, even though I know they show up later.

I'm stingy with my 10 ratings. If you want a 10 from me, you're going to friggin' earn it. Is this movie as good as sex with Denise? Nope. But it's good, it's entertaining, and it's the first 3 hour movie that 90 minutes into it I checked my watch - and was glad there were 90 minutes more to come. This only bad thing is that when you leave the theater, there's 12 months to go before the next movie.

And it's going to be a very long year.

As always, I'm John "Dark Paladin" Hummel. And that's my opinion.

PS: The Spider Man trailer kicked ass. That's all I'm going to say on that.

Here's my whole deal on the GameCube. It's long. Sorry about that. But I wouldn't feel fair if I said all that stuff on the Xbox in a previous post, then left the GameCube swaying in the wind. So this whole thing is my honest opinion. Take it as it is.

The size of the past

About a month ago, I bought my first Nintendo Entertainment System.

Growing up as a child, I never had a Nintendo of my own. My parents waited until I had left home to stop being poor, so I didn't know the joys of the little sister. That means no Kid Icarus, no Castlevania, and especially no Final Fantasy.

Until a month ago, when a chance run into a Software Etc made me notice the Final Fantasy (not II, III, or otherwise) - an original Final Fantasy game. 20 minutes later I bought it, and went out to find myself a Nintendo to play it on.

20 years is a long time to wait, and its interesting how Nintendo's systems have evolved over the years. Some things, like the output plugs for the systems, have remained the same since the Super Nintendo Systems. The cartridges have gotten a little bigger and could hold more memory, but they were still cartridges, made to deliver their information as quickly as possible so game players could focus on playing games rather than waiting for the information to load.

That also meant there was a trade-off. Companies that went with the PlayStation system could use disks that held far more information, which means more cinematic gameplay, sometimes at their benefit, sometimes to their detriment.

But now Nintendo has joined the rest of the disk based world with their little square wonder, the GameCube. And in true Nintendo fashion it's brutally efficient at doing one thing: providing gaming entertainment.

Hip to be Square

The first thing I noticed when I opened up the box was my little black GameCube is small and perfectly square. Actually, the first thing I noticed was the handle that let me pull it out and walk around the house going "Look at this little thing?"

The GameCube weight between 3-4 pounds, and while it's small, it feels solid, and the little guy is quiet when you turn it on. To be honest, Nintendo did cheat - the power cord has a large brick on it that's used for AC/DC conversion, and that big brick is a slight problem when you're trying to find a place to plug it in. (The power brick alone is almost as heavy as the GameCube itself!)

The GameCube is a simple system. On the top are 3 buttons - On, Reset, and Open so you can insert the mini-DVD's (more in that in a moment). The front as 6 slots - 4 controllers, 2 memory. The back has inserts for the power and Video Out (which uses the same plugs as your old Nintendo 64, which uses the same plugs as your Super Nintendo), as well as another plug for Digital Out - and since I don't have a system that supports that, RCA works just fine for me, thank you very much.

The bottom is where you upgrade the system. Two serial ports and one high speed port are covered by smooth covers, set up so that when you do plug in future add-ons (like a broadband adapter or modem), they'll be perfectly flush with the system so you won't notice them in the way.

The system is made to play games, so forget any ideas about putting in your music CD's or movie DVD's inside. The individual games come in small, 3 inch disks that are burned with DVD level technology (so they can store lots of information in a small space). Nothing else is going to fit inside, and while there are reports of a GameCube compatible DVD player in Japan being released sometime in the next few months, the unit you buy from Nintendo doesn't aspire to any of that.

It just plays the games, kids. I can't stress that enough, because it does it so well.

It's Flipper!

The original code name for the GameCube was the Dolphin, and it makes sense that the ATI graphics card that powers the GameCube was named Flipper. (Unless you haven't been born in the last 30 years like myself, you might remember that Flipper was the dolphin star of a popular TV show. Like Lassie in the water.)

ATI proves they know how to do graphics, because so far the first set of games for the GameCube look incredible. I've been playing with Super Monkey Ball, and the game looks incredibly smooth. The spheres look perfectly round, colors and textures are bright and colorful, and the other little tricks like lens flare and so on never slow down the system at all.

Or another game sure to be popular this year, Rebel Assault II. The first mission alone, a recreation of the Battle of Yavin where you get to destroy the Death Star, looks like you're inside the movie. But the next mission after that which has you flying through a nebula, and I was impressed by the sheer beauty of space, the distant stars shining through interstellar gas in a sight any science fiction fan would sell their soul to be a part of.

Quick Load

One problem with most CD or DVD based games is the long load times, or the wait to load or save games to memory cards.

The opposite is true with the GameCube. Somehow, maybe because the mini-DVD's are so small the seek time is less, games load up very quickly, and games saved to the small memory cards (which resemble the PlayStation 2 memory cards, only half the size (and at 4 MB, half the storage space)) quickly store their information so you can get right back into the game.

Either way, the near lack of wait between the time you say "Start Game" and the time the game launches keeps you from getting bored.

Fits like a perfect, tiny glove

You know what they say about a man who can drive a stick? Yeah, me neither.

As much as I've tried to avoid it, sooner or later I have to mention the recent review of another console's controller, the Xbox. Like the Xbox controller, the GameCube's contains several buttons and features:

* Two analog sticks
* One D-Pad
* 3 finger triggers (two on the right, one of which is the Z button, one of the left)
* 5 buttons - A, B, X, Y, and Start

And while the controller is made for hands slightly smaller than my own, it was still very comfortable. I could reach every single button (except for the Start button, which really doesn't count) with my thumb, and the finger triggers were pretty accessible, except for the Z button which was a further stretch for my right index finger. I believe that there's a larger model made by another company, but as it is the default controller is comfortable enough to use for long stretches. (In fact, I recently bought a second during Thanksgiving so me and the kids could play the games together. Made me a big hit in the family, I can tell you.)

The buttons give a good response so you know they've been pushed down. The main finger triggers also have a "click", which means that just pressing down the trigger means one thing, while "clicking" it all the way down can mean another. For example, in Rogue Squadron II, pressing down the right means to accelerate, while clicking it can activate the S-Foils or hit a Turbo Boost.

The controller has rumble technology, which means it can vibrate depending on what's going on in the game. It isn't terribly strong, but it's effective enough.

Inside the Cube

When the GameCube is first turned on, even its boot-up sequence is cute as it "rolls" a purple cube on the screen to form the GameCube logo.

The menu system is also made of a cube, and moving the controller in each of the four compass directions gives you the various options, like sound, video, time, memory, and launching the game itself. The cube menu is transparent, and each item is clearly depicted in little squares that make up the letters, continuing the cube tradition.

There's nothing outside the ordinary, so let's move onto the big event.

The Games

Compared to the Xbox or the PlayStation 2, the GameCube doesn't have a lot of games available at its launch, and if history is a key, it probably won't have as many as its competitors. (Take a look at the games for the PSOne compared to the Nintendo 64.)

But those games that are out, the two that I've been playing with are both incredibly fun. Listed here are "Gut Level" reviews of the games - these aren't final scores, but just my general impressions after spending around 24 hours with them and the system.

Star Wars Rogue Squadron II: Rogue Leader:

For fans of the Star Wars game, this is as close to flying the X-Wing and other crafts as you're going to get. The controls are simple enough - the left analog controls your direction, left and right trigger buttons decrease/increase speed, A to fire the primary weapons, and B to fire the secondary weapons.

It was evident from the beginning that the Factor 5 crew was interested in fun. When it first starts, you see a group of StormTroopers dancing to the Cantina Theme before the camera pans back to reveal the LucasArts logo. It's cute, and just ads that grin to your face before the game even begins.

The missions are fairly simple in and of themselves, usually spent blowing up the Imperial Forces in the various crafts. But expertise in being quick, accurate, or not getting dead are rewarded by giving out Gold, Silver, and Bronze awards that can be used to collect points for better ships in other missions.

As far as the graphics, it is amazing. Flying down the Death Star Trench with the Tie Fighters roaring after me, it almost looked like the gray, dominating trenches of the Death Star trench.

The other interesting graphical feature depends on the time of day. On planet based missions, the sun moves depending on what time the GameCube reports, so missions flown in late afternoon will have the sun setting, while missions played in the middle of the day has the sun high overhead. It was a surprising detail, and one that just adds to the cool factor of the game.

Probably the most aggravating thing is the radar system. I'm used to the old Tie Fighter/X-Wing system, where the left circle is the back and the right is the front (or is it the other way around?), but for Rogue Squadron II there's the only the one on the upper right, and I often had problems knowing if something was above me or below me.

Gut Level Score: 8 or 9

Super Monkey Ball:

Oh, yes, I'm sure that PETA will just love this game.

Sega, I love you. This game is a blast. Imagine one of those marble mazes, where you'll tilt the maze about to move the marble through the hallways, avoiding the tiny holes.

Except in this case, the mazes are huge, the size of a football field, and the marbles are encased with...monkeys. Cute little monkeys that try to run and keep up with the marbles as they race down the ramps at 70 mph, while you try and grab the bananas (I believe sponsored by Dole) while keeping them falling off the edges down into oblivion.

First, the graphics are even better than Rogue Squadron II. It's bright, the balls are perfectly round, the the little monkeys have all sorts of expressions as they're rolled around, expressing shock or glee as they race about your tilting world.

The game has that "Ah-ah-woah!" feeling as you just barely keep your Monkey from falling off the edges so you can get that one extra banana, or the sudden fear as parts of the mazes break off to float away, leaving you to make split second decisions of whether to play it safe, or go for broke.

Then there's the party games and mini-games mode. I've only played one of the party games, Monkey Fight, where you control a monkey with a boxing glove and try to punch the other monkeys off the board. Boxes will drop down that will give your monkey's various abilities, but primarily it's a romp to move around the board, trying to keep a wall at your back so you aren't knocked off.

Sega captured the very essence of gaming with Super Monkey Ball - it's just flat out fun.

Gut Score: 9 or 10.

Closing the Box

I like the GameCube, and I'm not going to be ashamed of that. It's almost half the size of its competitor, but it's like looking at a puppy around some big dogs. It's cute, it wants to please you, and it's got the charm and energy to make playing with it funner than playing with the bigger, dogs that might know a lot of cool tricks, but they don't make you want to scratch the back of their lids. Er, ears. I like the system, I like the games, I like the controller, and I'd gladly buy it again, and gladly recommend its purchase to anyone who just wants to have fun.

As always, I'm John "Dark Paladin" Hummel. And that's my opinion.

Hm - I don't have another Xbox to try that out with. I'm wondering if it would use IPX or Netbios or some other propriety protocol for that. If somebody has more than one Xbox and they've done this, drop me a line and tell me how it works and if you've done any packet captures.

For now, the "broadband in the Internet" is out - maybe unless some enterprising developer puts the code directly into their game (which still raises the possibility of a Linux port that uses the Ethernet port).

Don't know why a review of a game that's been out for so long is front-page worthy, but if you guys want a different take, I didn't like it very much. Just a lot of repetitive combat that, unlike a good twitch game (such as Descent) didn't have much fun quotient.

I'm trying to define "no violence" as anything that might insite the kids to riot. So here's my short list:

1. Myst/Riven/Myst III (well, if you get around Myst III's copy protection). Games with lot's o' puzzles, interesting plots, and should keep them engrossed for awhile and make them think.

2. The Longest Journey - another adventure game, but really, really good. Yes, the main character does have an underwear scene, but it's tame.

3. Gadget Tycoon - teach folks how to run a business. A little on the hard side, but interesting.

4. Tritrys - I've known many a person to be addicted to this one.

5. Lode Runner. 'Nuff said.

That should get you started. Most of your "non-violent" games are going to be of the adventure/puzzle variety. I'd also see what the limits of "non-violent" are - would 4X games (like Starships Unlimited) count? Racing games (Mario Kart - sounds stupid, but loads of fun) might also be up the alley.

Ultima IX post-patch review. There are places that do this sort of thing.

I'm from another competing site [...] we buy our own games, occasionally score an interview, and pretty much have fun losing money, since it's about the hobby and a chance to share a good game (and scorn a bad game) with other gamers.

Imagine my surprise as I turned to gamerspress.com and read the uppermost blurb by DarkPaladin, entitled "Why we went Flashlink":

I'd be lying if I said I didn't want to make money with The Gamer's Press. So I won't even try the usual bull-crap about how I do this whole thing for "the love of the games" and all the usual stuff you see the other sites spout.

Looks like there is a difference of opinion about whether "it's about the hobby." :P

I'm from another competing site [...] we buy our own games, occasionally score an interview, and pretty much have fun losing money, since it's about the hobby and a chance to share a good game (and scorn a bad game) with other gamers.

Imagine my surprise as I turned to gamerspress.com and read the uppermost blurb by DarkPaladin, entitled "Why we went Flashlink":

I'd be lying if I said I didn't want to make money with The Gamer's Press. So I won't even try the usual bull-crap about how I do this whole thing for "the love of the games" and all the usual stuff you see the other sites spout.

Looks like there is a difference of opinion about whether "it's about the hobby." :P

Well, I'm from another competing site, and that's generally what we do, too. Of course, there are always some exceptions, even dramatic ones. But we buy our own games, occasionally score an interview, and pretty much have fun losing money, since it's about the hobby and a chance to share a good game (and scorn a bad game) with other gamers.

Plus the junkpile reviews are great (so cool of an idea, I took over them)--you know we aren't getting subsidized for those!

Well, I'm from another competing site, and that's generally what we do, too. Of course, there are always some exceptions, even dramatic ones. But we buy our own games, occasionally score an interview, and pretty much have fun losing money, since it's about the hobby and a chance to share a good game (and scorn a bad game) with other gamers.

Plus the junkpile reviews are great (so cool of an idea, I took over them)--you know we aren't getting subsidized for those!

Well, I'm from another competing site, and that's generally what we do, too. Of course, there are always some exceptions, even dramatic ones. But we buy our own games, occasionally score an interview, and pretty much have fun losing money, since it's about the hobby and a chance to share a good game (and scorn a bad game) with other gamers.

Plus the junkpile reviews are great (so cool of an idea, I took over them)--you know we aren't getting subsidized for those!

I don't think anybody in the world finished that game...check out this review for a good laugh...

I run a gaming site - granted, not a popular one, but that doesn't hurt my feelings any. And advertisements is something that any site has to deal with.

The problem I see with the whole Express.com/Gamefan Network thing isn't a legal thing, but a right thing. Sure, the legal thing for them to do is to cut their losses, don't pay the sites, and keep the corporation going.

Then there's the right thing to do. In the case of Something Awful, the guy's out $3000 in server costs because he's not going to get paid. I think more about the case of VoodooExtreme.com, which was probably getting a few million hits a day - and evidently they are owed $100,000 that they're never going to see.

These are folks who had an agreement, that they would run their site, bring in traffic, and have ads up for the "parent company" - and in return they would recieve money to keep it going. In the case of some of these sites, people have probably quit their day jobs because they had enough money coming in (or promised to come in) to take care of them.

Yeah, Express.com doesn't have to pay them. But if they don't, you can bet that they're not getting another $0.02 out of me. I'll buy my anime and import stuff somewhere else. (Damn, and I had my eye on those Final Fantasy Selphie figurines).

Do the right thing, Express.
John "Dark Paladin" Hummel