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Rock on. C-Span is my new channel of record.

This is so much cooler than National Public Radio. Even their new "morning zoo" format isn't this cool.

Any skript k1dd13 with good intentions can take them down with a simple macro- and the government can keep their hands clean.

Do Neo-Nazzis use Passport?

Having never been to one, I wonder what games are played. Half-Life, Quake, Unreal, I assume. Not Dr. Mario or Dig-Dug. I'm just curious.

I also wanted to know if these LAN thingies are mostly "sausage fests" or if women actually pretended to be impressed by virtual feats of destruction.

Check me out, ladies. I just rolled over this PacPan machine!

I remember hearing some horror stories from college where some guys I knew dated the same young lady one after the other. Sharing was okay, it seemed, as long as you included the source code.

Don't even get me started about "groupware."

I need to take a shower. Now I feel all slimy.

You know what they say: Once you go dark matter, you'll never go back.

Of course, other universities will have to follow suit. Otherwise, you'll see Harvard School of Business courses traded on Gnutella.

Is Canadian search engine Aboot.com going under?

Lets hope that giant Prozac helps to elevate the mood of Wall Street and pull us out of this bear market before the million pound poop hammer falls on us all.

We've laid off half our staff at Ridiculopathy.com just because we didn't want to feel left out.

Lets hope that giant Prozac helps to elevate the mood of Wall Street and pull us out of this bear market before the million pound poop hammer falls on us all.

We've laid off half our staff at Ridiculopathy.com just because we didn't want to feel left out.

Far from owning the contents of the Oxford Unabridged, our modest investment in connecting words will pay off for us and our investors.

It seems that very soon, anyone who doesn't want to pay us will be speaking like a Hollywood stereotype of a Native American. Or perhaps people will begin writing more like Hemmingway: "I am cold, tired."

And, But Or- they'll get us pretty far.

Look for information on our IPO on our web site.

This morning as Senators assembled in the chamber, somebody yelled out "April Fools!" and John McCain burst into tears. He knew at once what had happened. A vast conspiracy of 100 senators and 400+ house members worked dilligently to keep him in the dark, all the while adding amendments to ensure the bill's unconstitutionality (i.e. harmlessness).

The full story can be found here.

I apologize for the unnecessary Steely Dan reference. I couldn't help myself.

Gun violence in our nation's schools is a serious problem. So, I recommend we stick to discussing the impractical solutions. That way when people ignore us and the problem doesn't go away, we can claim to have known better all along.

Can I get an "amen?"

But what are its specs on the dreaded Q3 fps test?

"Dr. Chandra, will I dream?"

"No, but you will be sued to oblivion over your name."

These guys jumped the gun. April 1 is a couple of days off.

Maybe I want slower DSL speeds so I can savor each packet. Have you ever thought of that, Gordon?

Of course not, you were too busy with your socialized medicine and quasi non-violent prime-time tv programming to think of it.

Perhaps you should consider an alternative explanation: your DSL speeds are just as slow (or slower) than they are in the US of A, but special software makes you think your throughput numbers are better. It's all a clever rouse by the CIA to keep you Kanuks up there where we can keep a good eye on you.

Think it won't work? Somebody convinced you that round ham was "back bacon." I rest my case.

-- Sincerely,
A descent, upstanding American

As far as comparing the PS2 and DC, just remember this: it's easy to love a dead man. I've played both and, sure, the DC is a great device inside a poorly conceived marketing and integration shell. But it's dead. If someone asked me if Maralyn Monroe was hotter than my wife, I would say "sure, but she's dead."

What can there possibly be left for old-skool h4x0rz like myself? Those 455hol3z have taken all the phun out of it.

A g4ll3ry of my h4x0r1ng k0nqu3sts

This UPC-code I allowed to be tatooed on the back of my neck was also a great idea. Whenever I rent a movie at Blockbuster and forget my card- bam! They just scan the back of my neck and I'm good to go.

The high-band radio transmitter I had installed in my daughter's sinus cavity has earned my family over four hundred dollars in Warner Bros. store merchandise. Plus there is the added benefit that I always know where she is. Of course, I would have to go through the database managers to do that, but it's a comfort to know that I could. And the best part: the surgery was free.

To all you nay-sayers and naybobs I can only say this: imagine a future sans the great inconveniences of our day like Neilsen boxes, annoying survey calls, voting.

Think about it.

So, they piled up all my mail in an enormous pile, waited several weeks to allow a horrible stentch to issue forth, and then burned it.

What has the world come to?

I still remember the advice my father gave me: Never get in anything Russian-made with an airlock."

Ad brokers have for some time delayed or simply refused payment to web site operators. But we small fries expect to be batted around like a ragged cat toy. But Salon?

From the story, it sounds like Salon is heading in the "tip jar" direction. [Thanks to Amazon's Honor System Program, my wallet is $1.43 fatter. Oh, yeah.] But something tells me that making payroll is going to be tough either way.

For now, all the little guys like me can do is shudder and post dimly-lit photos of the people I keep in my basement to generate hits.

I don't think that movie was written around a toy marketing campaign, either. Maybe that's why it rocks so much.

Imagine what a Mulan-style trash-talking miniature dragon would have done to the picture. On second thought, I'd rather not.

Oh, I forgot. You can't compare the two films because SWPM was a kids' movie.

jarjarroastingonaspit.com

you'll go blind!

When asked if the greenhouse theory was still a theory, Harries said, "It's a fact now. Get over it. You lost. We won."

New definition of 'zero emissions'

One day I'm "sharing" tracks with "friends" I've never met. The next day, I'm "stealing." What the hell happened to you, Napster?

This reminds me of that guy we all knew in high school who used to let us borrow his car all the time. Sure he was friendly when we were hanging around and borrowing his car. But once we crashed it into a tree, he wasn't very friendly anymore.

Everything was cool when you were cool, Napster. Remember? We were all having fun until the cops came a'knocking. Hell, half the stuff I stole I didn't even like.

Well, I've gotta go shave my donkey ears.

SONY wants to stifle Innovation. By my definition, innovation means coming up with new ways to get me stuff for free. Napster was a great innovation. Allowing me to run PS1 games on my $1,400 computer to save me $199 is a wonderful innovation.

Corporate geed is worst when gets in the way of me getting free stuff.

With this system, it looks like Ken might get all Eminem on Barbi's plastic butt when he retraces her car's steps to the poolboy's house.

Photos of Ken ridin' around town w/ Barbi's head in the trunk.

I've seen plenty of "experienced" IT guys get the hook because their attitudes sucked. Managers approach these guys with future plans and all they get is flack. You're supposed to solve problems, not create them. And for every cranky employee you have, ten fresh resumes arrive every day.

The problem with most IT folks I hear about on /. is that they assume that knowing how to build a network entitles them to job security or high pay. But the cold fact of life is that if you suck and solving problems, you're as useless as bore-hog boobies. If I can't use you, you're gone. Screw the NDA. Go sour someone else's IT department.

Entropy: The Silent Killer

Need a place to stash your cash in a place Uncle Sam cannot find? The CIHC would be glad to help you as well as extend a generous interest rate.

Sure, you may have to renounce your citizenship and live on some far-away island with no family or friends. But hey, it worked for Marc Rich. Off-shore auction site sells human organs, children

It would include an obscene number of proprietary protocols and apis, making it completely incompatible with the rest of the Linux world.

But through shrewd deal-making and corporate IT fear, Microsoft embeds itself into the Linux landscape, causing an irreperable fork in kernel development.

Of course, all they would have to do is put an ugy UI on NT and call it Linux. Most folks would play along.

Be affraid. Be very affraid.

Is the idea here to port what PC/Mac users no longer want to buy? More and more stories on /. surround the idea of running windows on linux, running old crappy windows games on linux, etc. why?

Perhaps someone could enlighten me as to why anyone should care why game technology older than many Linux developers should be exciting.

Today: news organizations recruiting unstable high school gun nuts

So, I can have my cake and get instability, too? Awesome! I'll run all these sweet Linux ports of lame windoze apps and still be able to read .doc files! Rock on!

rid-ic-u-lop-a-thy

Haleluyah!

People say the Church of Jedi is bad because we permit polygamy and such. But brother believe me, they're just denying the all-encompasing truth of The Force.

Can I get an 'amen?'

Have a Forceful day.

Local preist gives up Catholicism for Lent

Haleluyah!

People say the Church of Jedi is bad because we permit polygamy and such. But brother believe me, they're just denying the all-encompasing truth of The Force.

Can I get an 'amen?'

Have a Forceful day.

Local preist gives up Catholicism for Lent

We bought one copy of 97 to test with it and installed in on out NT 4 server along with Apache and PHP. Once everything was running properly, I just fired up the ODBC driver and everything worked perfectly - a little slow since I've never tweaked it or gotten rid of IIS. Far-flung employees can dial in and check in via a browser. Access as a client over a phone line is a nightmare.

I hope it works best for you. If we were starting over again, I'd seriously consider using front-to-back opensource. But Access clients allow you to edit several records in a single step (without refreshing the page twelve times) which makes users happy.

And as we all know, happy users is what this is all about.

RIAA to put Napster in Crapster

"Lovable Lars" Fan Club

RIAA to put Napster in Crapster

"Lovable Lars" Fan Club

And I can't even leave the Army whenever I choose. They said that if I was "absent without leave," the MP's might shoot me on sight.

From all the books I've read about getting ahead in your job, it seems the best way to advance is to hop from job to job every five years. Now, how am I supposed to do that? Private Phil McCrakkin

Laws exist to maintain the idea of justice in the eyes of the public. If people think OJ did it, they don't think the 'system' works.

So, public flogging of unpopular business figures will be held on the Capital steps in D.C. on the first of each month. The "winners" will be chosen by secret election. You cannot be flogged more than twice in any given year (kind of like TRL).

Sure, it's curel. It's unusual. But did you ever hear of an over-arching operating systems monopoly when the Puritans ran the show?

I think not.

begin voting now for whom shall be flogged first

Just because someone or some thing is the victim of a witch hunt- that doesn't meant they're not a witch.

Click here for more information on the legal preciedence of the Nobody Likes Me Defense

[Due to laws in six states, we are obligated to put the word clients in quotes.]

A few weeks ago, our patent was challenged by another software company. In their legal brief, they claim to have invented quasi-wire-fraud. Indeed.

Hopefully, we can fight off the lawyers (and the DOJ) and keep the patent that is rightfully ours. But we will need your help.

Zero Click Legal Defense Fund

Virus writing is easier than it has ever been and if people don't disable VBS on their systems soon, we could all be in for some rough times.

Seriously, how hard would it be to make a virus so bad that folks would erect a memorial in its honor decades later? Buffer overflow, anyone?

Virus technology seems to advance much faster than consumer-level security. Is that perception correct or just created by the evening news?

But the idea of trolling from Mars should sound intriguing enough to the average American that people might actually get interested in it again.

red sand beach party 2010

Oh, sure. Say what you want about evolutionary paths and my childishly anthropomorphic ideas of life on other planets. But the golden phonograph record from the 70's hasn't worked yet. It just makes sense to transmit something that makes a non-human say "hey, I want to party with those guys."

extra-solar bathroom humor, inc.

SomethingAwful's Lowtax didn't get paid for months this past Fall. Unless you can afford the $1,000 doubleclick sign-up fee (another scam?) you're stuck with those who fly by night.

Thank goodness we're all independently wealthy

Now, I may be wrong about this. But I'm pretty sure I'm not.

Here's reality for you: Just because a great number of people steal something doesn't make it okay. No matter what happens to the profits of the music industry, diapered debaters with specious logic only make them look good. You, and the thousands of snot-nosed punks like you, have no integrity.

YHBT

But not to worry. It seems the extra-terrestrial life forms, in spite of being millions of years dead, got married in Los Vegas over the weekend to a colony of algae. This means that their green cards will remain in tact and they may all one day become citizens.

If you want to get the new couples a wedding present, they are registered at Nordstroms- for sun lamps and stagnant water.

Elian as fossilized microbe...

advertising = convenience

That would never happen here.

Jon Katz is right. We really are better than normal people.

Napster's defenders are not just cleptomaniacs and low-rent communists. Napster doesn't encourage people to steal. Napster is all about freedom of speech.

If I keep saying it to myself, I begin to believe it.

I'm cured. Thanks slashdot!

huh?

Translation: Douglas Adams is a twit!