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I think this is a fabulous project, and I hope it does well. However, I think that the notion of such a centralized database will begin to become unrealistic. I think peer to peer projects are the future, and I can see a day far in the future when the database layer comes down and inhabits the filesystem layer and all the databases on the internet can talk to eachother, and in a sense, the net becomes a giant database that anyone can contribute to.

Cheers, Joshua

I have been using Linux to DJ for about a year now at parties and as a resident at a local club. Linux IMHO is vastly superior as a performance oriented tool, due to it's efficiency and stability. Unfortunately on the music creation and creativity side of things, Windows and even the Mac are still quite a bit easier to get into.

My linux Dj configuration is an IBM thinkpad pentium 2 366. It allows me to re-mix music on the fly and send multiple soundstreams out through some external USB Digital Analog Converters. I run the channels into a standard DJ mixer where I can get twiddly with the EQ's and crossfader and the built in Kaoss effects processor. The software is called GDAM, and is available on sourceforge. Props to the geniuses who wrote the app, they have been very helpful with various problems I have had with older versions when it came to compiling. They have even implemented some of my suggestions into their code over the last year. [song searching case insensitive for example]

The whole thing is running on top of X windows, I use Blackbox to keep resource usage low, and in turn I can re-loop and remix up to 4 soundstreams on the lowly Pentium 2 366 without noticeable latency. I keep notes on my set using VI.

Of course i'm available for certain types of events worldwide. Demonstration sets are available at my website, though I imagine it will get slashdotted pretty quick so be gentle with me.

My sets

[Yes, I know I'm taking you completely out of context and being totally insensitive to the, uh, neurologically-differently-abled], but maybe he was onto something.

After all, it seems to explain the Kennedys pretty well, and I'm sure there are plenty of Democrats who feel that two generations of Bush in the White House are plenty ;-)

http://bitch.shutdown.com/don't_hurt_me.html
Its more about the kids that actually do shoot, but still not bad.

Teasing in school has always existed.
Depression has always existed.
So why are kids turning in to "mass murderers"? The Misanthropic bitch has a very interesting theory:
"Sergeant Pepper's Loner Band"

I was clinically depressed through high school. I continue to suffer from depression, even in the absence of the teasing and bullying I endured in public school.
So why didn't I snap? Why didn't I take the semi-automatic hand-guns and kevlar vest I had easy access to and go on a killing rampage? God knows I wanted to, many times...
TMB once again has some ideas on that:
"But, Mom, All Of The Other Kids Are Committing Mass Murder ..."

Teasing in school has always existed.
Depression has always existed.
So why are kids turning in to "mass murderers"? The Misanthropic bitch has a very interesting theory:
"Sergeant Pepper's Loner Band"

I was clinically depressed through high school. I continue to suffer from depression, even in the absence of the teasing and bullying I endured in public school.
So why didn't I snap? Why didn't I take the semi-automatic hand-guns and kevlar vest I had easy access to and go on a killing rampage? God knows I wanted to, many times...
TMB once again has some ideas on that:
"But, Mom, All Of The Other Kids Are Committing Mass Murder ..."

Teasing in school has always existed.
Depression has always existed.
So why are kids turning in to "mass murderers"? The Misanthropic bitch has a very interesting theory:
"Sergeant Pepper's Loner Band"

I was clinically depressed through high school. I continue to suffer from depression, even in the absence of the teasing and bullying I endured in public school.
So why didn't I snap? Why didn't I take the semi-automatic hand-guns and kevlar vest I had easy access to and go on a killing rampage? God knows I wanted to, many times...
TMB once again has some ideas on that:
"But, Mom, All Of The Other Kids Are Committing Mass Murder ..."

I wonder... is this really that much different from someone using an anonymous postal dropbox, and paying cash for it? If the MI police force gets their way, where will it end? I'm simply at a loss for words.

The Misanthropic Bitch has an interesting essay about why laws against child pornography are exactly like 1984 . Unfortunately, I feel that it's nearly impossible to have a civilized discussion about child pornography since emotions tend to run so high on this issue. "We have to do this for the children! Save the children! Won't somebody please think about the children?"

--

I wonder... is this really that much different from someone using an anonymous postal dropbox, and paying cash for it? If the MI police force gets their way, where will it end? I'm simply at a loss for words.

The Misanthropic Bitch has an interesting essay about why laws against child pornography are exactly like 1984 . Unfortunately, I feel that it's nearly impossible to have a civilized discussion about child pornography since emotions tend to run so high on this issue. "We have to do this for the children! Save the children! Won't somebody please think about the children?"

--

I wonder... is this really that much different from someone using an anonymous postal dropbox, and paying cash for it? If the MI police force gets their way, where will it end? I'm simply at a loss for words.

The Misanthropic Bitch has an interesting essay about why laws against child pornography are exactly like 1984 . Unfortunately, I feel that it's nearly impossible to have a civilized discussion about child pornography since emotions tend to run so high on this issue. "We have to do this for the children! Save the children! Won't somebody please think about the children?"

--

BTW, you may wish to consider the word "childfree" instead of "childless".

I'm not one for mamby-pamby PC-speak, but this one actually has merit, in that it actually describes something useful.

"Childless" connotes loss - as though children were something without one's life is somehow empty. For many people (e.g. the infertile, gays who wish to adopt), that's accurate - a child is something they need in their lives, and it's something they lack.

"Childfree" has no such negative connotation - one is free of the burden of having the thing, and one has made this choice freely.

Making the distinction may not prevent breeders from asking "so when are you gonna have kids", but it shuts down the even-more-patronizing "Oh, why can't you have kids?" real fast :-)

More importantly, it means that you can meaningfully tell your HR department that no, offering benefits for the childless (but not childfree), such as fertility treatments covered under a medical plan) is not an adequate substitute.

The childfree.net web site is a decent intro to the concept (though it takes itself a little too seriously at times). Suffice it to say you're not alone.

If you're in the mood for a rant, The Misanthropic Bitch has some damn fine ones: Her take on The Weaker Sex is the best rant on "Family-Friendly" offices I've ever read, and is IMHO a must-read for people on either side of this issue.

"If working mothers continue to garner more support and even more rights in the workplace, women who are serious about a career are going to get fucked over. "

BTW, you may wish to consider the word "childfree" instead of "childless".

I'm not one for mamby-pamby PC-speak, but this one actually has merit, in that it actually describes something useful.

"Childless" connotes loss - as though children were something without one's life is somehow empty. For many people (e.g. the infertile, gays who wish to adopt), that's accurate - a child is something they need in their lives, and it's something they lack.

"Childfree" has no such negative connotation - one is free of the burden of having the thing, and one has made this choice freely.

Making the distinction may not prevent breeders from asking "so when are you gonna have kids", but it shuts down the even-more-patronizing "Oh, why can't you have kids?" real fast :-)

More importantly, it means that you can meaningfully tell your HR department that no, offering benefits for the childless (but not childfree), such as fertility treatments covered under a medical plan) is not an adequate substitute.

The childfree.net web site is a decent intro to the concept (though it takes itself a little too seriously at times). Suffice it to say you're not alone.

If you're in the mood for a rant, The Misanthropic Bitch has some damn fine ones: Her take on The Weaker Sex is the best rant on "Family-Friendly" offices I've ever read, and is IMHO a must-read for people on either side of this issue.

"If working mothers continue to garner more support and even more rights in the workplace, women who are serious about a career are going to get fucked over. "

I admit that a) I am certainly biased against drugs, and that b) I've likely been indoctrinated by my parents (DARE is a joke -- ask anyone).

All that said, while being stoned may not make one violent, being high on coke might do so. Same with various other drugs. But that's beside the point. My personal opinion is that at least some drugs (e.g. cocaine and heroine) can be physically addictive, and cause people to do things they otherwise would not do.

Some of these acts have been criminalized just because they involve the consumption of the drug, others have been criminalized presumably because the behaviors infringe on the rights of others, while benefitting the committor(?) in his search for more of the drug that he's addicted to. (e.g. knocking over a 7-11 for drug money while I'm grabbing snacks inside)

I think that the main problem is this: we have different beliefs about the uses of drugs on others. What the drug does to oneself, at least from my point of view, is irrelavent. I believe, mainly because of the line of thought I expressed above, that other people's drug use affects me adversely, whereas you do not.

I am a very selfish person. I don't care if people die because they ODed on the latest batch of bad crack, and I think that product warning labels are impeding natural selection. I have no problem with vice, as long as it doesn't affect me personally: beastiality, necrophilia, rock stars shooting up and having orgies with fans, etc. All these are vices that I don't give a rat's ass about. I rather like some myself.

On the other hand, I abhor smokers, because they make me smell unpleasant odors. I abhor ghetto drug users, because they run out of money, and then commit crimes to get more. I abhor rapists, because their victims are not consensual. I don't, however, care about rich businessmen smoking crack -- they have enough money for their habit not to bother other people.

I agree that the US is certainly still quite reactionary in some of its policies, and that the war on drugs may well be poorly implemented and have had the original goal of prosecuting 'vice'. Heck, we live in a country where being an atheist is still something we have to whisper about. But the idea is certainly interesting:

cut back on demand by prosecuting users. less demand, less production. cut back on production by having imports checked, weed fields burned, and pushers jailed. less product available, less users possible.

Granted, this plan has obvious fallacies, such as the fact that cutting imports just encourages the domestic production. But I still don't think that granting a pardon to all substance abusers or all non-violent criminals is the best idea.

Going back to the idea of treatment: I'm sure that indeed, a certain percentage of people lapsed into drug use under pressure. As in, like, 'life is _totally_ fucked up'. But there's also a percentage that simply decided to try it to see what it would be like.

This is the percentage that needs to be taught a lesson, IMO. They know that in at least some cases, they have a chance of getting addicted. Unless they happen to be very rich, if they get addicted, they have a likelihood of committing additional crimes to get money for their habit.

They should get arrested for this. We arrest drunk drivers because they have the higher possibility of killing someone, not because they already have. (Well, we get those too, but for murder, not just DUI). We should arrest the people who try it just for fun and curiosity, because they are consciously making a choice to get involved in something that may well eventually drag them in and cause them to commit acts that infringe on the freedoms of others.

I realize that all of this rests on the assumption that drugs are a) addictive b) expensive, and that as a result, c) people likely won't be able to sustain use on their own for long periods of time without additional influxes of cash. These are my beliefs, some of which are subjective (expensive), and some of which are at least partially objective (addictiveness of /some/ drugs). The above, are, of course, my opinions on this issue based on these assumptions, nothing more.

Neither could I. I'm glad Salon researched Gore's cuts for me, because as a childfree, I also couldn't be bothered to look it up once I figured that Gore offered nothing to me. (I'm also glad Salon did it, 'cuz they're about as pro-Gore as anyone, and I could be sure I wasn't relying on any pro-Bush "spin" on my data for the Gore plan)

> but I gotta say, bless you for passing on "fucktrophy" and "crotchfruit" into my vocabulary,

If I see so far, it is only because I'm standing on the shoulders of giants". (I first heard the terms on TMB's site, and had the same reaction as you did. Credit for the terms goes to her, or to those from whom she first heard 'em.)

Democratic Party:

Al Gore:

Pro: He's schizo. We'll never know which Gore we're getting. It'll be a surprise.

Con: He's schizo. Free Lithium for all.

Pro: He pushes an anti-smoking campaign. Why smoke when drinking Vodka is much more glamorous?

Con: He pushes an anti-smoking campaign. He used to defend tobacco farmers and accept contributions from tobacco companies.

Pro: He invented the Internet. And brought this Web site to you.

Con: He invented the Internet. And he'd gladly ban "hate speech" on it.

Pro: He wants to expand anti-drug policies. But you're safe if you're related to him and attend Harvard.

Con: He wants to expand anti-drug policies. In his youth, he put Cheech and Chong to shame, which means he's even more rabid about his anti-drug stance.

Pro: He feels that Latino values are the best values. Henceforth, all women will shop at Rave, Bang Bang and Le Chateau.

Con: He feels that Latino values are the best values. Henceforth, all men must drench women in beer and water, and shamelessly group-grope them.

Pro: He wants to give stay-at-home mothers five years' worth of Social Security credits. Good. Give them an incentive to quit the workforce and spare us the details of their lochia.

Con: He wants to give stay-at-home mothers five years' worth of Social Security credits. Bad. Why the hell should they reap rewards for sitting on their fat asses for five years, while the rest of us are worker bees?

Pro: He claims to be pro-women. Abortion will remain legal.

Con: He claims to be pro-women. He kept having children until he got his boy.

Pro: He wants to provide $500 billion in tax cuts to families. Those Expedition payments are just becoming too much.

Con: He wants to provide $500 billion in tax cuts to families. Hint: If you don't have kids, you're not part of a family.

Pro: He believes that universal Internet connection should be a national priority. Everyone deserves a chance to read my site.

Con: He believes that universal Internet connection should be a national priority. Come on, he thinks it should be a national priority.

Joseph Lieberman:

All you need to know is that this guy is hellbent on getting rid of violence in the media.

Quotes: " We are not seeking censorship but better citizenship. We are appealing to the industry's conscience, to recognize that you are part of the national community that is endangered by the virus of youth violence, and to work with us to do whatever we can to prevent another Littleton."
-- Source: Senate testimony, "Marketing of Violence to Children" May 4, 1999

Lieberman was one of 10 Senators who sent a letter to seven video-game retailers. "We are seriously concerned about the accumulated impact that media violence is having on our children," the senators wrote. "We are particularly concerned by what is happening in the video game marketplace. Most games contain little if any violence and are rated as perfectly appropriate for players of all ages. But there is a significant core of increasingly graphic, gruesome, and perverse games that despite being rated for adults are commonly played by children."

The Senators noted that a prime reason kids have such easy access to ultraviolent games is that few leading retailers have policies restricting the sale of "M"-rated games to minors. They praised Sears and Wards for deciding not to carry "M"-rated games and asked the other companies to at least adopt standard policies to prevent children from buying potentially harmful games.

No single policy, governmental or corporate, will eliminate the serious threat of violence or prevent another Columbine from happening," the senators wrote. "But we have an obligation to do whatever we can to reduce the risks, and we believe that shielding our children from cultural messages and images that glorify and legitimize violence will do just that."
-- Source: Press Release, "Ultraviolent video games" Jun 16, 2000

On Lieberman's Web site, he's proud to announce that he has:

• Co-authored the V-chip law to give parents new tools to shield their children from offensive and harmful programs on television

• Pushed the video game industry to create a rating system to help parents make informed choices for their children

• Spurred new efforts to make the Internet safer for kids

George W. Bush.:

Pro: He laughed about convicted murderer Karla Faye Tucker's execution. He's a sick bastard.

Con: He laughed about convicted murderer Karla Faye Tucker's execution. I'm not seeing a con here.

Pro: He supports the pro-life stance. A Republican can't get elected without throwing a bone to the fringe elements.

Con: He supports the pro-life stance. A Republican can't get elected without throwing a bone to the fringe elements.

Pro: He would defend Taiwan if China attacks Taiwan. Well, that's one way to cut down on overpopulation.

Con: He would defend Taiwan if China attacks Taiwan. Chinese is a really difficult language to learn.

Pro: He would allow the Ten Commandments to be posted in schools. The kids can't read them, anyway.

Con: He would allow the Ten Commandments to be posted in schools. 16-year-old Wiccans will create protest Web sites.

Pro: He supports stronger penalties for first time cocaine possession. Unless one's last name is "Bush." I'm applying to change my name.

Con: He supports stronger penalties for first time cocaine possession. What about all of the hot young actors who won't be able to cut a deal just in time to star in the latest teen comedy?

Pro: He wants to help failing students pass. An educated populace makes for a successful nation.

Con: He wants to help failing students pass. Who will fill up the prisons by getting arrested for selling coke?

Pro: He wants to get rid of the Superfund program. Battery acid seeping into the water supply adds to the character of a neighborhood.

Con: He wants to get rid of the Superfund program. New Jersey will surpass Staten Island in being the world's largest garbage dump.

Pro: He wants to pursue stronger ties to Israel. Because they'd, uh, like, defend us and stuff, like, if we were attacked. **cough**

Con: He wants to pursue stronger ties to Israel. Israel sinks another American ship, anyway.

Pro: He's stupid. Think of the soundbites.

Con: He's stupid. Think of how the rest of the world will perceive the soundbites.

Dick Cheney:

Pro: He supports F-16 sales to Taiwan. They fall apart after playing with them for three days.

Con: He supports F-16 sales to Taiwan. It won't narrow the trade gap.

Pro: He supported a bill that would reward snitching on drug dealers. That's one way to supplement my income.

Con: He supported a bill that would reward snitching on drug dealers. The reward was a handshake from General Barry McCaffrey.

Pro: He voted against the Clean Water Act. Has Poland Springs gone public?

Con: He voted against the Clean Water Act. I guess he doesn't care about the children.

Green Party:

Ralph Nader::

Pro: He wants universal health care. Millions of Americans will wait months or years to receive needed medical care. Could cut down on the population.

Con: He wants universal health care. Reduction in population not worth the enormous cost.

Pro: He wants to provide additional child-care options to America's parents. 20 percent of SIDS cases occur at daycare.

Con: He wants to provide additional child-care options to America's parents. We'll probably foot the bill for Mama Sow to spend a year at home with her pint-sized cretin.

Pro: He wants to tax meat and anything we "don't like." Great. I can't wait for the taxes on breeding.

Con: He wants to tax meat and anything we "don't like." I think he means all of the things I like.

Pro: He wants a 100 percent tax for the rich. Sour grapes never looked so good.

Con: He wants a 100 percent tax for the rich. Yes, let's punish people for working hard, and give it to idiots who can't even put together the right order at Taco Bell.

Pro: He wants gun control. It's about time someone promoted gun features that steady the shooter's aim.

Con: He wants gun control. I doubt he'll pay for each of us to have a bodyguard, instead.

Pro: He wants to teach "democratic principles" in school. His democratic principles include affirmative action.

Con: He wants to teach "democratic principles" in school. Lovely. We'll go from the Pledge of Allegiance to the Pledge of Tolerance:

I will take every opportunity that presents itself to educate the ignorant in a passive/non-violent manner. I will not accept stereotyping, prejudice or hate in any form. I will make known my disgust of hate-based "jokes," while not losing my sense of true humor.

Pro: He wants to set up the domain ".sucks." All right! www.ralphnader.sucks!

Con: He wants to set up the domain ".sucks." He already owns the rights to it.

Pro: He said that TV ads are "electronic child molesting." At least he'll let pedophiles get off in some way.

Con: He said that TV ads are "electronic child molesting." Someone should tell him that rampant consumerism is what keeps the economy going.

Pro: He supports the decision against Microsoft. Nobody needs to be that rich.

Con: He supports the decision against Microsoft. He's obviously never tried to mount his own hard drive.

Pro: He wants to substantially increase the minimum wage. McDonald's isn't looking so bad now.

Con: He wants to substantially increase the minimum wage. If everyone earns a highly livable wage, where's the incentive to do well and work harder?

And really, would you want that pansy in charge of the military?

Winona LaDuke:

Pro: She's a Native American. When the Northeast experiences another drought, maybe she'll do a raindance.

Con: She's a Native American. Breeders will stop naming their kids after boroughs of New York City, and start giving their kids bastardized Native American names such as "Squatting Twat." Public school textbooks will be revised to show the inherent superiority of Native Americans, and school buses will have ads for Foxwoods.

Pro: She's a woman. Maybe she'll show us her tits.

Con: She's a feminist. She'll only show us her tits if there's an infant latched on to one.

Pro: She lives on a reservation. Hey, she couldn't be against the tobacco industry.

Con: She lives on a reservation. We'll never hear the end of Wounded Knee.

Libertarian Party:

Harry Browne:

Pro: He wants to end the War on Drugs. "Yes, I'll have a pack of gum and a sheet of acid."

Con: He wants to end the War on Drugs. Watch the price of weed shoot up when CVS and Eckerd's stock it.

Pro: He wants to keep abortion legal. I hate when condoms break.

Con: He wants to keep abortion legal. Four more years of pro-life activists.

Pro: He supports cutting back on defending two-bit nations. Rwanda didn't have any fancy art museums to plunder.

Con: He supports cutting back on defending two-bit nations. Taiwan won't send any more tchotchkes.

Pro: He intends to scale back the powers of the federal government, and in turn, eliminate the need for income/estate/etc. taxes. Jesus, have you seen how much those bastards take out of our paychecks?

Con: He intends to scale back the powers of the federal government, and in turn, eliminate the need for income/estate/etc. taxes. But who will tend to the highway infrastructure?

Pro: He thinks that since there are already 20,000 gun laws on the books, there is no need for more. Hello, clocktower!

Con: He thinks that since there are already 20,000 gun laws on the books, there is no need for more. Hello, clocktower!

Pro: He wants to get the federal government out of the education business. What, a 25 percent illiteracy rate isn't pure success?

Con: He wants to get the federal government out of the education business. What will John Stoessel bitch about?

Pro: He wants to get the federal government out of the health insurance business. Pay for what you need.

Con: He wants to get the federal government out of the health insurance business. And make infertile women pay for their own treatments? For shame!

Pro: He doesn't want to tighten immigration restrictions. University math programs and computer companies breathe a sigh of relief.

Con: He doesn't want to tighten immigration restrictions. University students and computer users brush up on deciphering heavy Asian accents.

Pro: He views Social Security as a pyramid scheme. And we don't even get a cheap pendant and a year's subscription to Reader's Digest.

Con: He views Social Security as a pyramid scheme. Grandmothers across the land grip their chests in terror at the thought of losing a benefit they didn't earn.

Art Olivier:

See above. So, who am I voting for? As usual, I'm voting Libertarian. A wasted vote, you say? Probably. But so is voting for Deadwood or Shrub. Harry Browne is the closest a misanthrope can come to a perfect candidate.

And don't think a vote for a third party candidate is a wasted vote. A candidate who receives at least 5 percent of the vote can qualify for matching federal funds in the next election, and money makes a campaign go 'round. But if you can't bring yourself to vote for a third party candidate, go with Bush.

Democratic Party:

Al Gore:

Pro: He's schizo. We'll never know which Gore we're getting. It'll be a surprise.

Con: He's schizo. Free Lithium for all.

Pro: He pushes an anti-smoking campaign. Why smoke when drinking Vodka is much more glamorous?

Con: He pushes an anti-smoking campaign. He used to defend tobacco farmers and accept contributions from tobacco companies.

Pro: He invented the Internet. And brought this Web site to you.

Con: He invented the Internet. And he'd gladly ban "hate speech" on it.

Pro: He wants to expand anti-drug policies. But you're safe if you're related to him and attend Harvard.

Con: He wants to expand anti-drug policies. In his youth, he put Cheech and Chong to shame, which means he's even more rabid about his anti-drug stance.

Pro: He feels that Latino values are the best values. Henceforth, all women will shop at Rave, Bang Bang and Le Chateau.

Con: He feels that Latino values are the best values. Henceforth, all men must drench women in beer and water, and shamelessly group-grope them.

Pro: He wants to give stay-at-home mothers five years' worth of Social Security credits. Good. Give them an incentive to quit the workforce and spare us the details of their lochia.

Con: He wants to give stay-at-home mothers five years' worth of Social Security credits. Bad. Why the hell should they reap rewards for sitting on their fat asses for five years, while the rest of us are worker bees?

Pro: He claims to be pro-women. Abortion will remain legal.

Con: He claims to be pro-women. He kept having children until he got his boy.

Pro: He wants to provide $500 billion in tax cuts to families. Those Expedition payments are just becoming too much.

Con: He wants to provide $500 billion in tax cuts to families. Hint: If you don't have kids, you're not part of a family.

Pro: He believes that universal Internet connection should be a national priority. Everyone deserves a chance to read my site.

Con: He believes that universal Internet connection should be a national priority. Come on, he thinks it should be a national priority.

Joseph Lieberman:

All you need to know is that this guy is hellbent on getting rid of violence in the media.

Quotes: " We are not seeking censorship but better citizenship. We are appealing to the industry's conscience, to recognize that you are part of the national community that is endangered by the virus of youth violence, and to work with us to do whatever we can to prevent another Littleton."
-- Source: Senate testimony, "Marketing of Violence to Children" May 4, 1999

Lieberman was one of 10 Senators who sent a letter to seven video-game retailers. "We are seriously concerned about the accumulated impact that media violence is having on our children," the senators wrote. "We are particularly concerned by what is happening in the video game marketplace. Most games contain little if any violence and are rated as perfectly appropriate for players of all ages. But there is a significant core of increasingly graphic, gruesome, and perverse games that despite being rated for adults are commonly played by children."

The Senators noted that a prime reason kids have such easy access to ultraviolent games is that few leading retailers have policies restricting the sale of "M"-rated games to minors. They praised Sears and Wards for deciding not to carry "M"-rated games and asked the other companies to at least adopt standard policies to prevent children from buying potentially harmful games.

No single policy, governmental or corporate, will eliminate the serious threat of violence or prevent another Columbine from happening," the senators wrote. "But we have an obligation to do whatever we can to reduce the risks, and we believe that shielding our children from cultural messages and images that glorify and legitimize violence will do just that."
-- Source: Press Release, "Ultraviolent video games" Jun 16, 2000

On Lieberman's Web site, he's proud to announce that he has:

• Co-authored the V-chip law to give parents new tools to shield their children from offensive and harmful programs on television

• Pushed the video game industry to create a rating system to help parents make informed choices for their children

• Spurred new efforts to make the Internet safer for kids

George W. Bush.:

Pro: He laughed about convicted murderer Karla Faye Tucker's execution. He's a sick bastard.

Con: He laughed about convicted murderer Karla Faye Tucker's execution. I'm not seeing a con here.

Pro: He supports the pro-life stance. A Republican can't get elected without throwing a bone to the fringe elements.

Con: He supports the pro-life stance. A Republican can't get elected without throwing a bone to the fringe elements.

Pro: He would defend Taiwan if China attacks Taiwan. Well, that's one way to cut down on overpopulation.

Con: He would defend Taiwan if China attacks Taiwan. Chinese is a really difficult language to learn.

Pro: He would allow the Ten Commandments to be posted in schools. The kids can't read them, anyway.

Con: He would allow the Ten Commandments to be posted in schools. 16-year-old Wiccans will create protest Web sites.

Pro: He supports stronger penalties for first time cocaine possession. Unless one's last name is "Bush." I'm applying to change my name.

Con: He supports stronger penalties for first time cocaine possession. What about all of the hot young actors who won't be able to cut a deal just in time to star in the latest teen comedy?

Pro: He wants to help failing students pass. An educated populace makes for a successful nation.

Con: He wants to help failing students pass. Who will fill up the prisons by getting arrested for selling coke?

Pro: He wants to get rid of the Superfund program. Battery acid seeping into the water supply adds to the character of a neighborhood.

Con: He wants to get rid of the Superfund program. New Jersey will surpass Staten Island in being the world's largest garbage dump.

Pro: He wants to pursue stronger ties to Israel. Because they'd, uh, like, defend us and stuff, like, if we were attacked. **cough**

Con: He wants to pursue stronger ties to Israel. Israel sinks another American ship, anyway.

Pro: He's stupid. Think of the soundbites.

Con: He's stupid. Think of how the rest of the world will perceive the soundbites.

Dick Cheney:

Pro: He supports F-16 sales to Taiwan. They fall apart after playing with them for three days.

Con: He supports F-16 sales to Taiwan. It won't narrow the trade gap.

Pro: He supported a bill that would reward snitching on drug dealers. That's one way to supplement my income.

Con: He supported a bill that would reward snitching on drug dealers. The reward was a handshake from General Barry McCaffrey.

Pro: He voted against the Clean Water Act. Has Poland Springs gone public?

Con: He voted against the Clean Water Act. I guess he doesn't care about the children.

Green Party:

Ralph Nader::

Pro: He wants universal health care. Millions of Americans will wait months or years to receive needed medical care. Could cut down on the population.

Con: He wants universal health care. Reduction in population not worth the enormous cost.

Pro: He wants to provide additional child-care options to America's parents. 20 percent of SIDS cases occur at daycare.

Con: He wants to provide additional child-care options to America's parents. We'll probably foot the bill for Mama Sow to spend a year at home with her pint-sized cretin.

Pro: He wants to tax meat and anything we "don't like." Great. I can't wait for the taxes on breeding.

Con: He wants to tax meat and anything we "don't like." I think he means all of the things I like.

Pro: He wants a 100 percent tax for the rich. Sour grapes never looked so good.

Con: He wants a 100 percent tax for the rich. Yes, let's punish people for working hard, and give it to idiots who can't even put together the right order at Taco Bell.

Pro: He wants gun control. It's about time someone promoted gun features that steady the shooter's aim.

Con: He wants gun control. I doubt he'll pay for each of us to have a bodyguard, instead.

Pro: He wants to teach "democratic principles" in school. His democratic principles include affirmative action.

Con: He wants to teach "democratic principles" in school. Lovely. We'll go from the Pledge of Allegiance to the Pledge of Tolerance:

I will take every opportunity that presents itself to educate the ignorant in a passive/non-violent manner. I will not accept stereotyping, prejudice or hate in any form. I will make known my disgust of hate-based "jokes," while not losing my sense of true humor.

Pro: He wants to set up the domain ".sucks." All right! www.ralphnader.sucks!

Con: He wants to set up the domain ".sucks." He already owns the rights to it.

Pro: He said that TV ads are "electronic child molesting." At least he'll let pedophiles get off in some way.

Con: He said that TV ads are "electronic child molesting." Someone should tell him that rampant consumerism is what keeps the economy going.

Pro: He supports the decision against Microsoft. Nobody needs to be that rich.

Con: He supports the decision against Microsoft. He's obviously never tried to mount his own hard drive.

Pro: He wants to substantially increase the minimum wage. McDonald's isn't looking so bad now.

Con: He wants to substantially increase the minimum wage. If everyone earns a highly livable wage, where's the incentive to do well and work harder?

And really, would you want that pansy in charge of the military?

Winona LaDuke:

Pro: She's a Native American. When the Northeast experiences another drought, maybe she'll do a raindance.

Con: She's a Native American. Breeders will stop naming their kids after boroughs of New York City, and start giving their kids bastardized Native American names such as "Squatting Twat." Public school textbooks will be revised to show the inherent superiority of Native Americans, and school buses will have ads for Foxwoods.

Pro: She's a woman. Maybe she'll show us her tits.

Con: She's a feminist. She'll only show us her tits if there's an infant latched on to one.

Pro: She lives on a reservation. Hey, she couldn't be against the tobacco industry.

Con: She lives on a reservation. We'll never hear the end of Wounded Knee.

Libertarian Party:

Harry Browne:

Pro: He wants to end the War on Drugs. "Yes, I'll have a pack of gum and a sheet of acid."

Con: He wants to end the War on Drugs. Watch the price of weed shoot up when CVS and Eckerd's stock it.

Pro: He wants to keep abortion legal. I hate when condoms break.

Con: He wants to keep abortion legal. Four more years of pro-life activists.

Pro: He supports cutting back on defending two-bit nations. Rwanda didn't have any fancy art museums to plunder.

Con: He supports cutting back on defending two-bit nations. Taiwan won't send any more tchotchkes.

Pro: He intends to scale back the powers of the federal government, and in turn, eliminate the need for income/estate/etc. taxes. Jesus, have you seen how much those bastards take out of our paychecks?

Con: He intends to scale back the powers of the federal government, and in turn, eliminate the need for income/estate/etc. taxes. But who will tend to the highway infrastructure?

Pro: He thinks that since there are already 20,000 gun laws on the books, there is no need for more. Hello, clocktower!

Con: He thinks that since there are already 20,000 gun laws on the books, there is no need for more. Hello, clocktower!

Pro: He wants to get the federal government out of the education business. What, a 25 percent illiteracy rate isn't pure success?

Con: He wants to get the federal government out of the education business. What will John Stoessel bitch about?

Pro: He wants to get the federal government out of the health insurance business. Pay for what you need.

Con: He wants to get the federal government out of the health insurance business. And make infertile women pay for their own treatments? For shame!

Pro: He doesn't want to tighten immigration restrictions. University math programs and computer companies breathe a sigh of relief.

Con: He doesn't want to tighten immigration restrictions. University students and computer users brush up on deciphering heavy Asian accents.

Pro: He views Social Security as a pyramid scheme. And we don't even get a cheap pendant and a year's subscription to Reader's Digest.

Con: He views Social Security as a pyramid scheme. Grandmothers across the land grip their chests in terror at the thought of losing a benefit they didn't earn.

Art Olivier:

See above. So, who am I voting for? As usual, I'm voting Libertarian. A wasted vote, you say? Probably. But so is voting for Deadwood or Shrub. Harry Browne is the closest a misanthrope can come to a perfect candidate.

And don't think a vote for a third party candidate is a wasted vote. A candidate who receives at least 5 percent of the vote can qualify for matching federal funds in the next election, and money makes a campaign go 'round. But if you can't bring yourself to vote for a third party candidate, go with Bush.

Democratic Party:

Al Gore:

Pro: He's schizo. We'll never know which Gore we're getting. It'll be a surprise.

Con: He's schizo. Free Lithium for all.

Pro: He pushes an anti-smoking campaign. Why smoke when drinking Vodka is much more glamorous?

Con: He pushes an anti-smoking campaign. He used to defend tobacco farmers and accept contributions from tobacco companies.

Pro: He invented the Internet. And brought this Web site to you.

Con: He invented the Internet. And he'd gladly ban "hate speech" on it.

Pro: He wants to expand anti-drug policies. But you're safe if you're related to him and attend Harvard.

Con: He wants to expand anti-drug policies. In his youth, he put Cheech and Chong to shame, which means he's even more rabid about his anti-drug stance.

Pro: He feels that Latino values are the best values. Henceforth, all women will shop at Rave, Bang Bang and Le Chateau.

Con: He feels that Latino values are the best values. Henceforth, all men must drench women in beer and water, and shamelessly group-grope them.

Pro: He wants to give stay-at-home mothers five years' worth of Social Security credits. Good. Give them an incentive to quit the workforce and spare us the details of their lochia.

Con: He wants to give stay-at-home mothers five years' worth of Social Security credits. Bad. Why the hell should they reap rewards for sitting on their fat asses for five years, while the rest of us are worker bees?

Pro: He claims to be pro-women. Abortion will remain legal.

Con: He claims to be pro-women. He kept having children until he got his boy.

Pro: He wants to provide $500 billion in tax cuts to families. Those Expedition payments are just becoming too much.

Con: He wants to provide $500 billion in tax cuts to families. Hint: If you don't have kids, you're not part of a family.

Pro: He believes that universal Internet connection should be a national priority. Everyone deserves a chance to read my site.

Con: He believes that universal Internet connection should be a national priority. Come on, he thinks it should be a national priority.

Joseph Lieberman:

All you need to know is that this guy is hellbent on getting rid of violence in the media.

Quotes: " We are not seeking censorship but better citizenship. We are appealing to the industry's conscience, to recognize that you are part of the national community that is endangered by the virus of youth violence, and to work with us to do whatever we can to prevent another Littleton."
-- Source: Senate testimony, "Marketing of Violence to Children" May 4, 1999

Lieberman was one of 10 Senators who sent a letter to seven video-game retailers. "We are seriously concerned about the accumulated impact that media violence is having on our children," the senators wrote. "We are particularly concerned by what is happening in the video game marketplace. Most games contain little if any violence and are rated as perfectly appropriate for players of all ages. But there is a significant core of increasingly graphic, gruesome, and perverse games that despite being rated for adults are commonly played by children."

The Senators noted that a prime reason kids have such easy access to ultraviolent games is that few leading retailers have policies restricting the sale of "M"-rated games to minors. They praised Sears and Wards for deciding not to carry "M"-rated games and asked the other companies to at least adopt standard policies to prevent children from buying potentially harmful games.

No single policy, governmental or corporate, will eliminate the serious threat of violence or prevent another Columbine from happening," the senators wrote. "But we have an obligation to do whatever we can to reduce the risks, and we believe that shielding our children from cultural messages and images that glorify and legitimize violence will do just that."
-- Source: Press Release, "Ultraviolent video games" Jun 16, 2000

On Lieberman's Web site, he's proud to announce that he has:

• Co-authored the V-chip law to give parents new tools to shield their children from offensive and harmful programs on television

• Pushed the video game industry to create a rating system to help parents make informed choices for their children

• Spurred new efforts to make the Internet safer for kids

George W. Bush.:

Pro: He laughed about convicted murderer Karla Faye Tucker's execution. He's a sick bastard.

Con: He laughed about convicted murderer Karla Faye Tucker's execution. I'm not seeing a con here.

Pro: He supports the pro-life stance. A Republican can't get elected without throwing a bone to the fringe elements.

Con: He supports the pro-life stance. A Republican can't get elected without throwing a bone to the fringe elements.

Pro: He would defend Taiwan if China attacks Taiwan. Well, that's one way to cut down on overpopulation.

Con: He would defend Taiwan if China attacks Taiwan. Chinese is a really difficult language to learn.

Pro: He would allow the Ten Commandments to be posted in schools. The kids can't read them, anyway.

Con: He would allow the Ten Commandments to be posted in schools. 16-year-old Wiccans will create protest Web sites.

Pro: He supports stronger penalties for first time cocaine possession. Unless one's last name is "Bush." I'm applying to change my name.

Con: He supports stronger penalties for first time cocaine possession. What about all of the hot young actors who won't be able to cut a deal just in time to star in the latest teen comedy?

Pro: He wants to help failing students pass. An educated populace makes for a successful nation.

Con: He wants to help failing students pass. Who will fill up the prisons by getting arrested for selling coke?

Pro: He wants to get rid of the Superfund program. Battery acid seeping into the water supply adds to the character of a neighborhood.

Con: He wants to get rid of the Superfund program. New Jersey will surpass Staten Island in being the world's largest garbage dump.

Pro: He wants to pursue stronger ties to Israel. Because they'd, uh, like, defend us and stuff, like, if we were attacked. **cough**

Con: He wants to pursue stronger ties to Israel. Israel sinks another American ship, anyway.

Pro: He's stupid. Think of the soundbites.

Con: He's stupid. Think of how the rest of the world will perceive the soundbites.

Dick Cheney:

Pro: He supports F-16 sales to Taiwan. They fall apart after playing with them for three days.

Con: He supports F-16 sales to Taiwan. It won't narrow the trade gap.

Pro: He supported a bill that would reward snitching on drug dealers. That's one way to supplement my income.

Con: He supported a bill that would reward snitching on drug dealers. The reward was a handshake from General Barry McCaffrey.

Pro: He voted against the Clean Water Act. Has Poland Springs gone public?

Con: He voted against the Clean Water Act. I guess he doesn't care about the children.

Green Party:

Ralph Nader::

Pro: He wants universal health care. Millions of Americans will wait months or years to receive needed medical care. Could cut down on the population.

Con: He wants universal health care. Reduction in population not worth the enormous cost.

Pro: He wants to provide additional child-care options to America's parents. 20 percent of SIDS cases occur at daycare.

Con: He wants to provide additional child-care options to America's parents. We'll probably foot the bill for Mama Sow to spend a year at home with her pint-sized cretin.

Pro: He wants to tax meat and anything we "don't like." Great. I can't wait for the taxes on breeding.

Con: He wants to tax meat and anything we "don't like." I think he means all of the things I like.

Pro: He wants a 100 percent tax for the rich. Sour grapes never looked so good.

Con: He wants a 100 percent tax for the rich. Yes, let's punish people for working hard, and give it to idiots who can't even put together the right order at Taco Bell.

Pro: He wants gun control. It's about time someone promoted gun features that steady the shooter's aim.

Con: He wants gun control. I doubt he'll pay for each of us to have a bodyguard, instead.

Pro: He wants to teach "democratic principles" in school. His democratic principles include affirmative action.

Con: He wants to teach "democratic principles" in school. Lovely. We'll go from the Pledge of Allegiance to the Pledge of Tolerance:

I will take every opportunity that presents itself to educate the ignorant in a passive/non-violent manner. I will not accept stereotyping, prejudice or hate in any form. I will make known my disgust of hate-based "jokes," while not losing my sense of true humor.

Pro: He wants to set up the domain ".sucks." All right! www.ralphnader.sucks!

Con: He wants to set up the domain ".sucks." He already owns the rights to it.

Pro: He said that TV ads are "electronic child molesting." At least he'll let pedophiles get off in some way.

Con: He said that TV ads are "electronic child molesting." Someone should tell him that rampant consumerism is what keeps the economy going.

Pro: He supports the decision against Microsoft. Nobody needs to be that rich.

Con: He supports the decision against Microsoft. He's obviously never tried to mount his own hard drive.

Pro: He wants to substantially increase the minimum wage. McDonald's isn't looking so bad now.

Con: He wants to substantially increase the minimum wage. If everyone earns a highly livable wage, where's the incentive to do well and work harder?

And really, would you want that pansy in charge of the military?

Winona LaDuke:

Pro: She's a Native American. When the Northeast experiences another drought, maybe she'll do a raindance.

Con: She's a Native American. Breeders will stop naming their kids after boroughs of New York City, and start giving their kids bastardized Native American names such as "Squatting Twat." Public school textbooks will be revised to show the inherent superiority of Native Americans, and school buses will have ads for Foxwoods.

Pro: She's a woman. Maybe she'll show us her tits.

Con: She's a feminist. She'll only show us her tits if there's an infant latched on to one.

Pro: She lives on a reservation. Hey, she couldn't be against the tobacco industry.

Con: She lives on a reservation. We'll never hear the end of Wounded Knee.

Libertarian Party:

Harry Browne:

Pro: He wants to end the War on Drugs. "Yes, I'll have a pack of gum and a sheet of acid."

Con: He wants to end the War on Drugs. Watch the price of weed shoot up when CVS and Eckerd's stock it.

Pro: He wants to keep abortion legal. I hate when condoms break.

Con: He wants to keep abortion legal. Four more years of pro-life activists.

Pro: He supports cutting back on defending two-bit nations. Rwanda didn't have any fancy art museums to plunder.

Con: He supports cutting back on defending two-bit nations. Taiwan won't send any more tchotchkes.

Pro: He intends to scale back the powers of the federal government, and in turn, eliminate the need for income/estate/etc. taxes. Jesus, have you seen how much those bastards take out of our paychecks?

Con: He intends to scale back the powers of the federal government, and in turn, eliminate the need for income/estate/etc. taxes. But who will tend to the highway infrastructure?

Pro: He thinks that since there are already 20,000 gun laws on the books, there is no need for more. Hello, clocktower!

Con: He thinks that since there are already 20,000 gun laws on the books, there is no need for more. Hello, clocktower!

Pro: He wants to get the federal government out of the education business. What, a 25 percent illiteracy rate isn't pure success?

Con: He wants to get the federal government out of the education business. What will John Stoessel bitch about?

Pro: He wants to get the federal government out of the health insurance business. Pay for what you need.

Con: He wants to get the federal government out of the health insurance business. And make infertile women pay for their own treatments? For shame!

Pro: He doesn't want to tighten immigration restrictions. University math programs and computer companies breathe a sigh of relief.

Con: He doesn't want to tighten immigration restrictions. University students and computer users brush up on deciphering heavy Asian accents.

Pro: He views Social Security as a pyramid scheme. And we don't even get a cheap pendant and a year's subscription to Reader's Digest.

Con: He views Social Security as a pyramid scheme. Grandmothers across the land grip their chests in terror at the thought of losing a benefit they didn't earn.

Art Olivier:

See above. So, who am I voting for? As usual, I'm voting Libertarian. A wasted vote, you say? Probably. But so is voting for Deadwood or Shrub. Harry Browne is the closest a misanthrope can come to a perfect candidate.

And don't think a vote for a third party candidate is a wasted vote. A candidate who receives at least 5 percent of the vote can qualify for matching federal funds in the next election, and money makes a campaign go 'round. But if you can't bring yourself to vote for a third party candidate, go with Bush.

Democratic Party:

Al Gore:

Pro: He's schizo. We'll never know which Gore we're getting. It'll be a surprise.

Con: He's schizo. Free Lithium for all.

Pro: He pushes an anti-smoking campaign. Why smoke when drinking Vodka is much more glamorous?

Con: He pushes an anti-smoking campaign. He used to defend tobacco farmers and accept contributions from tobacco companies.

Pro: He invented the Internet. And brought this Web site to you.

Con: He invented the Internet. And he'd gladly ban "hate speech" on it.

Pro: He wants to expand anti-drug policies. But you're safe if you're related to him and attend Harvard.

Con: He wants to expand anti-drug policies. In his youth, he put Cheech and Chong to shame, which means he's even more rabid about his anti-drug stance.

Pro: He feels that Latino values are the best values. Henceforth, all women will shop at Rave, Bang Bang and Le Chateau.

Con: He feels that Latino values are the best values. Henceforth, all men must drench women in beer and water, and shamelessly group-grope them.

Pro: He wants to give stay-at-home mothers five years' worth of Social Security credits. Good. Give them an incentive to quit the workforce and spare us the details of their lochia.

Con: He wants to give stay-at-home mothers five years' worth of Social Security credits. Bad. Why the hell should they reap rewards for sitting on their fat asses for five years, while the rest of us are worker bees?

Pro: He claims to be pro-women. Abortion will remain legal.

Con: He claims to be pro-women. He kept having children until he got his boy.

Pro: He wants to provide $500 billion in tax cuts to families. Those Expedition payments are just becoming too much.

Con: He wants to provide $500 billion in tax cuts to families. Hint: If you don't have kids, you're not part of a family.

Pro: He believes that universal Internet connection should be a national priority. Everyone deserves a chance to read my site.

Con: He believes that universal Internet connection should be a national priority. Come on, he thinks it should be a national priority.

Joseph Lieberman:

All you need to know is that this guy is hellbent on getting rid of violence in the media.

Quotes: " We are not seeking censorship but better citizenship. We are appealing to the industry's conscience, to recognize that you are part of the national community that is endangered by the virus of youth violence, and to work with us to do whatever we can to prevent another Littleton."
-- Source: Senate testimony, "Marketing of Violence to Children" May 4, 1999

Lieberman was one of 10 Senators who sent a letter to seven video-game retailers. "We are seriously concerned about the accumulated impact that media violence is having on our children," the senators wrote. "We are particularly concerned by what is happening in the video game marketplace. Most games contain little if any violence and are rated as perfectly appropriate for players of all ages. But there is a significant core of increasingly graphic, gruesome, and perverse games that despite being rated for adults are commonly played by children."

The Senators noted that a prime reason kids have such easy access to ultraviolent games is that few leading retailers have policies restricting the sale of "M"-rated games to minors. They praised Sears and Wards for deciding not to carry "M"-rated games and asked the other companies to at least adopt standard policies to prevent children from buying potentially harmful games.

No single policy, governmental or corporate, will eliminate the serious threat of violence or prevent another Columbine from happening," the senators wrote. "But we have an obligation to do whatever we can to reduce the risks, and we believe that shielding our children from cultural messages and images that glorify and legitimize violence will do just that."
-- Source: Press Release, "Ultraviolent video games" Jun 16, 2000

On Lieberman's Web site, he's proud to announce that he has:

• Co-authored the V-chip law to give parents new tools to shield their children from offensive and harmful programs on television

• Pushed the video game industry to create a rating system to help parents make informed choices for their children

• Spurred new efforts to make the Internet safer for kids

George W. Bush.:

Pro: He laughed about convicted murderer Karla Faye Tucker's execution. He's a sick bastard.

Con: He laughed about convicted murderer Karla Faye Tucker's execution. I'm not seeing a con here.

Pro: He supports the pro-life stance. A Republican can't get elected without throwing a bone to the fringe elements.

Con: He supports the pro-life stance. A Republican can't get elected without throwing a bone to the fringe elements.

Pro: He would defend Taiwan if China attacks Taiwan. Well, that's one way to cut down on overpopulation.

Con: He would defend Taiwan if China attacks Taiwan. Chinese is a really difficult language to learn.

Pro: He would allow the Ten Commandments to be posted in schools. The kids can't read them, anyway.

Con: He would allow the Ten Commandments to be posted in schools. 16-year-old Wiccans will create protest Web sites.

Pro: He supports stronger penalties for first time cocaine possession. Unless one's last name is "Bush." I'm applying to change my name.

Con: He supports stronger penalties for first time cocaine possession. What about all of the hot young actors who won't be able to cut a deal just in time to star in the latest teen comedy?

Pro: He wants to help failing students pass. An educated populace makes for a successful nation.

Con: He wants to help failing students pass. Who will fill up the prisons by getting arrested for selling coke?

Pro: He wants to get rid of the Superfund program. Battery acid seeping into the water supply adds to the character of a neighborhood.

Con: He wants to get rid of the Superfund program. New Jersey will surpass Staten Island in being the world's largest garbage dump.

Pro: He wants to pursue stronger ties to Israel. Because they'd, uh, like, defend us and stuff, like, if we were attacked. **cough**

Con: He wants to pursue stronger ties to Israel. Israel sinks another American ship, anyway.

Pro: He's stupid. Think of the soundbites.

Con: He's stupid. Think of how the rest of the world will perceive the soundbites.

Dick Cheney:

Pro: He supports F-16 sales to Taiwan. They fall apart after playing with them for three days.

Con: He supports F-16 sales to Taiwan. It won't narrow the trade gap.

Pro: He supported a bill that would reward snitching on drug dealers. That's one way to supplement my income.

Con: He supported a bill that would reward snitching on drug dealers. The reward was a handshake from General Barry McCaffrey.

Pro: He voted against the Clean Water Act. Has Poland Springs gone public?

Con: He voted against the Clean Water Act. I guess he doesn't care about the children.

Green Party:

Ralph Nader::

Pro: He wants universal health care. Millions of Americans will wait months or years to receive needed medical care. Could cut down on the population.

Con: He wants universal health care. Reduction in population not worth the enormous cost.

Pro: He wants to provide additional child-care options to America's parents. 20 percent of SIDS cases occur at daycare.

Con: He wants to provide additional child-care options to America's parents. We'll probably foot the bill for Mama Sow to spend a year at home with her pint-sized cretin.

Pro: He wants to tax meat and anything we "don't like." Great. I can't wait for the taxes on breeding.

Con: He wants to tax meat and anything we "don't like." I think he means all of the things I like.

Pro: He wants a 100 percent tax for the rich. Sour grapes never looked so good.

Con: He wants a 100 percent tax for the rich. Yes, let's punish people for working hard, and give it to idiots who can't even put together the right order at Taco Bell.

Pro: He wants gun control. It's about time someone promoted gun features that steady the shooter's aim.

Con: He wants gun control. I doubt he'll pay for each of us to have a bodyguard, instead.

Pro: He wants to teach "democratic principles" in school. His democratic principles include affirmative action.

Con: He wants to teach "democratic principles" in school. Lovely. We'll go from the Pledge of Allegiance to the Pledge of Tolerance:

I will take every opportunity that presents itself to educate the ignorant in a passive/non-violent manner. I will not accept stereotyping, prejudice or hate in any form. I will make known my disgust of hate-based "jokes," while not losing my sense of true humor.

Pro: He wants to set up the domain ".sucks." All right! www.ralphnader.sucks!

Con: He wants to set up the domain ".sucks." He already owns the rights to it.

Pro: He said that TV ads are "electronic child molesting." At least he'll let pedophiles get off in some way.

Con: He said that TV ads are "electronic child molesting." Someone should tell him that rampant consumerism is what keeps the economy going.

Pro: He supports the decision against Microsoft. Nobody needs to be that rich.

Con: He supports the decision against Microsoft. He's obviously never tried to mount his own hard drive.

Pro: He wants to substantially increase the minimum wage. McDonald's isn't looking so bad now.

Con: He wants to substantially increase the minimum wage. If everyone earns a highly livable wage, where's the incentive to do well and work harder?

And really, would you want that pansy in charge of the military?

Winona LaDuke:

Pro: She's a Native American. When the Northeast experiences another drought, maybe she'll do a raindance.

Con: She's a Native American. Breeders will stop naming their kids after boroughs of New York City, and start giving their kids bastardized Native American names such as "Squatting Twat." Public school textbooks will be revised to show the inherent superiority of Native Americans, and school buses will have ads for Foxwoods.

Pro: She's a woman. Maybe she'll show us her tits.

Con: She's a feminist. She'll only show us her tits if there's an infant latched on to one.

Pro: She lives on a reservation. Hey, she couldn't be against the tobacco industry.

Con: She lives on a reservation. We'll never hear the end of Wounded Knee.

Libertarian Party:

Harry Browne:

Pro: He wants to end the War on Drugs. "Yes, I'll have a pack of gum and a sheet of acid."

Con: He wants to end the War on Drugs. Watch the price of weed shoot up when CVS and Eckerd's stock it.

Pro: He wants to keep abortion legal. I hate when condoms break.

Con: He wants to keep abortion legal. Four more years of pro-life activists.

Pro: He supports cutting back on defending two-bit nations. Rwanda didn't have any fancy art museums to plunder.

Con: He supports cutting back on defending two-bit nations. Taiwan won't send any more tchotchkes.

Pro: He intends to scale back the powers of the federal government, and in turn, eliminate the need for income/estate/etc. taxes. Jesus, have you seen how much those bastards take out of our paychecks?

Con: He intends to scale back the powers of the federal government, and in turn, eliminate the need for income/estate/etc. taxes. But who will tend to the highway infrastructure?

Pro: He thinks that since there are already 20,000 gun laws on the books, there is no need for more. Hello, clocktower!

Con: He thinks that since there are already 20,000 gun laws on the books, there is no need for more. Hello, clocktower!

Pro: He wants to get the federal government out of the education business. What, a 25 percent illiteracy rate isn't pure success?

Con: He wants to get the federal government out of the education business. What will John Stoessel bitch about?

Pro: He wants to get the federal government out of the health insurance business. Pay for what you need.

Con: He wants to get the federal government out of the health insurance business. And make infertile women pay for their own treatments? For shame!

Pro: He doesn't want to tighten immigration restrictions. University math programs and computer companies breathe a sigh of relief.

Con: He doesn't want to tighten immigration restrictions. University students and computer users brush up on deciphering heavy Asian accents.

Pro: He views Social Security as a pyramid scheme. And we don't even get a cheap pendant and a year's subscription to Reader's Digest.

Con: He views Social Security as a pyramid scheme. Grandmothers across the land grip their chests in terror at the thought of losing a benefit they didn't earn.

Art Olivier:

See above. So, who am I voting for? As usual, I'm voting Libertarian. A wasted vote, you say? Probably. But so is voting for Deadwood or Shrub. Harry Browne is the closest a misanthrope can come to a perfect candidate.

And don't think a vote for a third party candidate is a wasted vote. A candidate who receives at least 5 percent of the vote can qualify for matching federal funds in the next election, and money makes a campaign go 'round. But if you can't bring yourself to vote for a third party candidate, go with Bush.

Democratic Party:

Al Gore:

Pro: He's schizo. We'll never know which Gore we're getting. It'll be a surprise.

Con: He's schizo. Free Lithium for all.

Pro: He pushes an anti-smoking campaign. Why smoke when drinking Vodka is much more glamorous?

Con: He pushes an anti-smoking campaign. He used to defend tobacco farmers and accept contributions from tobacco companies.

Pro: He invented the Internet. And brought this Web site to you.

Con: He invented the Internet. And he'd gladly ban "hate speech" on it.

Pro: He wants to expand anti-drug policies. But you're safe if you're related to him and attend Harvard.

Con: He wants to expand anti-drug policies. In his youth, he put Cheech and Chong to shame, which means he's even more rabid about his anti-drug stance.

Pro: He feels that Latino values are the best values. Henceforth, all women will shop at Rave, Bang Bang and Le Chateau.

Con: He feels that Latino values are the best values. Henceforth, all men must drench women in beer and water, and shamelessly group-grope them.

Pro: He wants to give stay-at-home mothers five years' worth of Social Security credits. Good. Give them an incentive to quit the workforce and spare us the details of their lochia.

Con: He wants to give stay-at-home mothers five years' worth of Social Security credits. Bad. Why the hell should they reap rewards for sitting on their fat asses for five years, while the rest of us are worker bees?

Pro: He claims to be pro-women. Abortion will remain legal.

Con: He claims to be pro-women. He kept having children until he got his boy.

Pro: He wants to provide $500 billion in tax cuts to families. Those Expedition payments are just becoming too much.

Con: He wants to provide $500 billion in tax cuts to families. Hint: If you don't have kids, you're not part of a family.

Pro: He believes that universal Internet connection should be a national priority. Everyone deserves a chance to read my site.

Con: He believes that universal Internet connection should be a national priority. Come on, he thinks it should be a national priority.

Joseph Lieberman:

All you need to know is that this guy is hellbent on getting rid of violence in the media.

Quotes: " We are not seeking censorship but better citizenship. We are appealing to the industry's conscience, to recognize that you are part of the national community that is endangered by the virus of youth violence, and to work with us to do whatever we can to prevent another Littleton."
-- Source: Senate testimony, "Marketing of Violence to Children" May 4, 1999

Lieberman was one of 10 Senators who sent a letter to seven video-game retailers. "We are seriously concerned about the accumulated impact that media violence is having on our children," the senators wrote. "We are particularly concerned by what is happening in the video game marketplace. Most games contain little if any violence and are rated as perfectly appropriate for players of all ages. But there is a significant core of increasingly graphic, gruesome, and perverse games that despite being rated for adults are commonly played by children."

The Senators noted that a prime reason kids have such easy access to ultraviolent games is that few leading retailers have policies restricting the sale of "M"-rated games to minors. They praised Sears and Wards for deciding not to carry "M"-rated games and asked the other companies to at least adopt standard policies to prevent children from buying potentially harmful games.

No single policy, governmental or corporate, will eliminate the serious threat of violence or prevent another Columbine from happening," the senators wrote. "But we have an obligation to do whatever we can to reduce the risks, and we believe that shielding our children from cultural messages and images that glorify and legitimize violence will do just that."
-- Source: Press Release, "Ultraviolent video games" Jun 16, 2000

On Lieberman's Web site, he's proud to announce that he has:

• Co-authored the V-chip law to give parents new tools to shield their children from offensive and harmful programs on television

• Pushed the video game industry to create a rating system to help parents make informed choices for their children

• Spurred new efforts to make the Internet safer for kids

George W. Bush.:

Pro: He laughed about convicted murderer Karla Faye Tucker's execution. He's a sick bastard.

Con: He laughed about convicted murderer Karla Faye Tucker's execution. I'm not seeing a con here.

Pro: He supports the pro-life stance. A Republican can't get elected without throwing a bone to the fringe elements.

Con: He supports the pro-life stance. A Republican can't get elected without throwing a bone to the fringe elements.

Pro: He would defend Taiwan if China attacks Taiwan. Well, that's one way to cut down on overpopulation.

Con: He would defend Taiwan if China attacks Taiwan. Chinese is a really difficult language to learn.

Pro: He would allow the Ten Commandments to be posted in schools. The kids can't read them, anyway.

Con: He would allow the Ten Commandments to be posted in schools. 16-year-old Wiccans will create protest Web sites.

Pro: He supports stronger penalties for first time cocaine possession. Unless one's last name is "Bush." I'm applying to change my name.

Con: He supports stronger penalties for first time cocaine possession. What about all of the hot young actors who won't be able to cut a deal just in time to star in the latest teen comedy?

Pro: He wants to help failing students pass. An educated populace makes for a successful nation.

Con: He wants to help failing students pass. Who will fill up the prisons by getting arrested for selling coke?

Pro: He wants to get rid of the Superfund program. Battery acid seeping into the water supply adds to the character of a neighborhood.

Con: He wants to get rid of the Superfund program. New Jersey will surpass Staten Island in being the world's largest garbage dump.

Pro: He wants to pursue stronger ties to Israel. Because they'd, uh, like, defend us and stuff, like, if we were attacked. **cough**

Con: He wants to pursue stronger ties to Israel. Israel sinks another American ship, anyway.

Pro: He's stupid. Think of the soundbites.

Con: He's stupid. Think of how the rest of the world will perceive the soundbites.

Dick Cheney:

Pro: He supports F-16 sales to Taiwan. They fall apart after playing with them for three days.

Con: He supports F-16 sales to Taiwan. It won't narrow the trade gap.

Pro: He supported a bill that would reward snitching on drug dealers. That's one way to supplement my income.

Con: He supported a bill that would reward snitching on drug dealers. The reward was a handshake from General Barry McCaffrey.

Pro: He voted against the Clean Water Act. Has Poland Springs gone public?

Con: He voted against the Clean Water Act. I guess he doesn't care about the children.

Green Party:

Ralph Nader::

Pro: He wants universal health care. Millions of Americans will wait months or years to receive needed medical care. Could cut down on the population.

Con: He wants universal health care. Reduction in population not worth the enormous cost.

Pro: He wants to provide additional child-care options to America's parents. 20 percent of SIDS cases occur at daycare.

Con: He wants to provide additional child-care options to America's parents. We'll probably foot the bill for Mama Sow to spend a year at home with her pint-sized cretin.

Pro: He wants to tax meat and anything we "don't like." Great. I can't wait for the taxes on breeding.

Con: He wants to tax meat and anything we "don't like." I think he means all of the things I like.

Pro: He wants a 100 percent tax for the rich. Sour grapes never looked so good.

Con: He wants a 100 percent tax for the rich. Yes, let's punish people for working hard, and give it to idiots who can't even put together the right order at Taco Bell.

Pro: He wants gun control. It's about time someone promoted gun features that steady the shooter's aim.

Con: He wants gun control. I doubt he'll pay for each of us to have a bodyguard, instead.

Pro: He wants to teach "democratic principles" in school. His democratic principles include affirmative action.

Con: He wants to teach "democratic principles" in school. Lovely. We'll go from the Pledge of Allegiance to the Pledge of Tolerance:

I will take every opportunity that presents itself to educate the ignorant in a passive/non-violent manner. I will not accept stereotyping, prejudice or hate in any form. I will make known my disgust of hate-based "jokes," while not losing my sense of true humor.

Pro: He wants to set up the domain ".sucks." All right! www.ralphnader.sucks!

Con: He wants to set up the domain ".sucks." He already owns the rights to it.

Pro: He said that TV ads are "electronic child molesting." At least he'll let pedophiles get off in some way.

Con: He said that TV ads are "electronic child molesting." Someone should tell him that rampant consumerism is what keeps the economy going.

Pro: He supports the decision against Microsoft. Nobody needs to be that rich.

Con: He supports the decision against Microsoft. He's obviously never tried to mount his own hard drive.

Pro: He wants to substantially increase the minimum wage. McDonald's isn't looking so bad now.

Con: He wants to substantially increase the minimum wage. If everyone earns a highly livable wage, where's the incentive to do well and work harder?

And really, would you want that pansy in charge of the military?

Winona LaDuke:

Pro: She's a Native American. When the Northeast experiences another drought, maybe she'll do a raindance.

Con: She's a Native American. Breeders will stop naming their kids after boroughs of New York City, and start giving their kids bastardized Native American names such as "Squatting Twat." Public school textbooks will be revised to show the inherent superiority of Native Americans, and school buses will have ads for Foxwoods.

Pro: She's a woman. Maybe she'll show us her tits.

Con: She's a feminist. She'll only show us her tits if there's an infant latched on to one.

Pro: She lives on a reservation. Hey, she couldn't be against the tobacco industry.

Con: She lives on a reservation. We'll never hear the end of Wounded Knee.

Libertarian Party:

Harry Browne:

Pro: He wants to end the War on Drugs. "Yes, I'll have a pack of gum and a sheet of acid."

Con: He wants to end the War on Drugs. Watch the price of weed shoot up when CVS and Eckerd's stock it.

Pro: He wants to keep abortion legal. I hate when condoms break.

Con: He wants to keep abortion legal. Four more years of pro-life activists.

Pro: He supports cutting back on defending two-bit nations. Rwanda didn't have any fancy art museums to plunder.

Con: He supports cutting back on defending two-bit nations. Taiwan won't send any more tchotchkes.

Pro: He intends to scale back the powers of the federal government, and in turn, eliminate the need for income/estate/etc. taxes. Jesus, have you seen how much those bastards take out of our paychecks?

Con: He intends to scale back the powers of the federal government, and in turn, eliminate the need for income/estate/etc. taxes. But who will tend to the highway infrastructure?

Pro: He thinks that since there are already 20,000 gun laws on the books, there is no need for more. Hello, clocktower!

Con: He thinks that since there are already 20,000 gun laws on the books, there is no need for more. Hello, clocktower!

Pro: He wants to get the federal government out of the education business. What, a 25 percent illiteracy rate isn't pure success?

Con: He wants to get the federal government out of the education business. What will John Stoessel bitch about?

Pro: He wants to get the federal government out of the health insurance business. Pay for what you need.

Con: He wants to get the federal government out of the health insurance business. And make infertile women pay for their own treatments? For shame!

Pro: He doesn't want to tighten immigration restrictions. University math programs and computer companies breathe a sigh of relief.

Con: He doesn't want to tighten immigration restrictions. University students and computer users brush up on deciphering heavy Asian accents.

Pro: He views Social Security as a pyramid scheme. And we don't even get a cheap pendant and a year's subscription to Reader's Digest.

Con: He views Social Security as a pyramid scheme. Grandmothers across the land grip their chests in terror at the thought of losing a benefit they didn't earn.

Art Olivier:

See above. So, who am I voting for? As usual, I'm voting Libertarian. A wasted vote, you say? Probably. But so is voting for Deadwood or Shrub. Harry Browne is the closest a misanthrope can come to a perfect candidate.

And don't think a vote for a third party candidate is a wasted vote. A candidate who receives at least 5 percent of the vote can qualify for matching federal funds in the next election, and money makes a campaign go 'round. But if you can't bring yourself to vote for a third party candidate, go with Bush.

Democratic Party:

Al Gore:

Pro: He's schizo. We'll never know which Gore we're getting. It'll be a surprise.

Con: He's schizo. Free Lithium for all.

Pro: He pushes an anti-smoking campaign. Why smoke when drinking Vodka is much more glamorous?

Con: He pushes an anti-smoking campaign. He used to defend tobacco farmers and accept contributions from tobacco companies.

Pro: He invented the Internet. And brought this Web site to you.

Con: He invented the Internet. And he'd gladly ban "hate speech" on it.

Pro: He wants to expand anti-drug policies. But you're safe if you're related to him and attend Harvard.

Con: He wants to expand anti-drug policies. In his youth, he put Cheech and Chong to shame, which means he's even more rabid about his anti-drug stance.

Pro: He feels that Latino values are the best values. Henceforth, all women will shop at Rave, Bang Bang and Le Chateau.

Con: He feels that Latino values are the best values. Henceforth, all men must drench women in beer and water, and shamelessly group-grope them.

Pro: He wants to give stay-at-home mothers five years' worth of Social Security credits. Good. Give them an incentive to quit the workforce and spare us the details of their lochia.

Con: He wants to give stay-at-home mothers five years' worth of Social Security credits. Bad. Why the hell should they reap rewards for sitting on their fat asses for five years, while the rest of us are worker bees?

Pro: He claims to be pro-women. Abortion will remain legal.

Con: He claims to be pro-women. He kept having children until he got his boy.

Pro: He wants to provide $500 billion in tax cuts to families. Those Expedition payments are just becoming too much.

Con: He wants to provide $500 billion in tax cuts to families. Hint: If you don't have kids, you're not part of a family.

Pro: He believes that universal Internet connection should be a national priority. Everyone deserves a chance to read my site.

Con: He believes that universal Internet connection should be a national priority. Come on, he thinks it should be a national priority.

Joseph Lieberman:

All you need to know is that this guy is hellbent on getting rid of violence in the media.

Quotes: " We are not seeking censorship but better citizenship. We are appealing to the industry's conscience, to recognize that you are part of the national community that is endangered by the virus of youth violence, and to work with us to do whatever we can to prevent another Littleton."
-- Source: Senate testimony, "Marketing of Violence to Children" May 4, 1999

Lieberman was one of 10 Senators who sent a letter to seven video-game retailers. "We are seriously concerned about the accumulated impact that media violence is having on our children," the senators wrote. "We are particularly concerned by what is happening in the video game marketplace. Most games contain little if any violence and are rated as perfectly appropriate for players of all ages. But there is a significant core of increasingly graphic, gruesome, and perverse games that despite being rated for adults are commonly played by children."

The Senators noted that a prime reason kids have such easy access to ultraviolent games is that few leading retailers have policies restricting the sale of "M"-rated games to minors. They praised Sears and Wards for deciding not to carry "M"-rated games and asked the other companies to at least adopt standard policies to prevent children from buying potentially harmful games.

No single policy, governmental or corporate, will eliminate the serious threat of violence or prevent another Columbine from happening," the senators wrote. "But we have an obligation to do whatever we can to reduce the risks, and we believe that shielding our children from cultural messages and images that glorify and legitimize violence will do just that."
-- Source: Press Release, "Ultraviolent video games" Jun 16, 2000

On Lieberman's Web site, he's proud to announce that he has:

• Co-authored the V-chip law to give parents new tools to shield their children from offensive and harmful programs on television

• Pushed the video game industry to create a rating system to help parents make informed choices for their children

• Spurred new efforts to make the Internet safer for kids

George W. Bush.:

Pro: He laughed about convicted murderer Karla Faye Tucker's execution. He's a sick bastard.

Con: He laughed about convicted murderer Karla Faye Tucker's execution. I'm not seeing a con here.

Pro: He supports the pro-life stance. A Republican can't get elected without throwing a bone to the fringe elements.

Con: He supports the pro-life stance. A Republican can't get elected without throwing a bone to the fringe elements.

Pro: He would defend Taiwan if China attacks Taiwan. Well, that's one way to cut down on overpopulation.

Con: He would defend Taiwan if China attacks Taiwan. Chinese is a really difficult language to learn.

Pro: He would allow the Ten Commandments to be posted in schools. The kids can't read them, anyway.

Con: He would allow the Ten Commandments to be posted in schools. 16-year-old Wiccans will create protest Web sites.

Pro: He supports stronger penalties for first time cocaine possession. Unless one's last name is "Bush." I'm applying to change my name.

Con: He supports stronger penalties for first time cocaine possession. What about all of the hot young actors who won't be able to cut a deal just in time to star in the latest teen comedy?

Pro: He wants to help failing students pass. An educated populace makes for a successful nation.

Con: He wants to help failing students pass. Who will fill up the prisons by getting arrested for selling coke?

Pro: He wants to get rid of the Superfund program. Battery acid seeping into the water supply adds to the character of a neighborhood.

Con: He wants to get rid of the Superfund program. New Jersey will surpass Staten Island in being the world's largest garbage dump.

Pro: He wants to pursue stronger ties to Israel. Because they'd, uh, like, defend us and stuff, like, if we were attacked. **cough**

Con: He wants to pursue stronger ties to Israel. Israel sinks another American ship, anyway.

Pro: He's stupid. Think of the soundbites.

Con: He's stupid. Think of how the rest of the world will perceive the soundbites.

Dick Cheney:

Pro: He supports F-16 sales to Taiwan. They fall apart after playing with them for three days.

Con: He supports F-16 sales to Taiwan. It won't narrow the trade gap.

Pro: He supported a bill that would reward snitching on drug dealers. That's one way to supplement my income.

Con: He supported a bill that would reward snitching on drug dealers. The reward was a handshake from General Barry McCaffrey.

Pro: He voted against the Clean Water Act. Has Poland Springs gone public?

Con: He voted against the Clean Water Act. I guess he doesn't care about the children.

Green Party:

Ralph Nader::

Pro: He wants universal health care. Millions of Americans will wait months or years to receive needed medical care. Could cut down on the population.

Con: He wants universal health care. Reduction in population not worth the enormous cost.

Pro: He wants to provide additional child-care options to America's parents. 20 percent of SIDS cases occur at daycare.

Con: He wants to provide additional child-care options to America's parents. We'll probably foot the bill for Mama Sow to spend a year at home with her pint-sized cretin.

Pro: He wants to tax meat and anything we "don't like." Great. I can't wait for the taxes on breeding.

Con: He wants to tax meat and anything we "don't like." I think he means all of the things I like.

Pro: He wants a 100 percent tax for the rich. Sour grapes never looked so good.

Con: He wants a 100 percent tax for the rich. Yes, let's punish people for working hard, and give it to idiots who can't even put together the right order at Taco Bell.

Pro: He wants gun control. It's about time someone promoted gun features that steady the shooter's aim.

Con: He wants gun control. I doubt he'll pay for each of us to have a bodyguard, instead.

Pro: He wants to teach "democratic principles" in school. His democratic principles include affirmative action.

Con: He wants to teach "democratic principles" in school. Lovely. We'll go from the Pledge of Allegiance to the Pledge of Tolerance:

I will take every opportunity that presents itself to educate the ignorant in a passive/non-violent manner. I will not accept stereotyping, prejudice or hate in any form. I will make known my disgust of hate-based "jokes," while not losing my sense of true humor.

Pro: He wants to set up the domain ".sucks." All right! www.ralphnader.sucks!

Con: He wants to set up the domain ".sucks." He already owns the rights to it.

Pro: He said that TV ads are "electronic child molesting." At least he'll let pedophiles get off in some way.

Con: He said that TV ads are "electronic child molesting." Someone should tell him that rampant consumerism is what keeps the economy going.

Pro: He supports the decision against Microsoft. Nobody needs to be that rich.

Con: He supports the decision against Microsoft. He's obviously never tried to mount his own hard drive.

Pro: He wants to substantially increase the minimum wage. McDonald's isn't looking so bad now.

Con: He wants to substantially increase the minimum wage. If everyone earns a highly livable wage, where's the incentive to do well and work harder?

And really, would you want that pansy in charge of the military?

Winona LaDuke:

Pro: She's a Native American. When the Northeast experiences another drought, maybe she'll do a raindance.

Con: She's a Native American. Breeders will stop naming their kids after boroughs of New York City, and start giving their kids bastardized Native American names such as "Squatting Twat." Public school textbooks will be revised to show the inherent superiority of Native Americans, and school buses will have ads for Foxwoods.

Pro: She's a woman. Maybe she'll show us her tits.

Con: She's a feminist. She'll only show us her tits if there's an infant latched on to one.

Pro: She lives on a reservation. Hey, she couldn't be against the tobacco industry.

Con: She lives on a reservation. We'll never hear the end of Wounded Knee.

Libertarian Party:

Harry Browne:

Pro: He wants to end the War on Drugs. "Yes, I'll have a pack of gum and a sheet of acid."

Con: He wants to end the War on Drugs. Watch the price of weed shoot up when CVS and Eckerd's stock it.

Pro: He wants to keep abortion legal. I hate when condoms break.

Con: He wants to keep abortion legal. Four more years of pro-life activists.

Pro: He supports cutting back on defending two-bit nations. Rwanda didn't have any fancy art museums to plunder.

Con: He supports cutting back on defending two-bit nations. Taiwan won't send any more tchotchkes.

Pro: He intends to scale back the powers of the federal government, and in turn, eliminate the need for income/estate/etc. taxes. Jesus, have you seen how much those bastards take out of our paychecks?

Con: He intends to scale back the powers of the federal government, and in turn, eliminate the need for income/estate/etc. taxes. But who will tend to the highway infrastructure?

Pro: He thinks that since there are already 20,000 gun laws on the books, there is no need for more. Hello, clocktower!

Con: He thinks that since there are already 20,000 gun laws on the books, there is no need for more. Hello, clocktower!

Pro: He wants to get the federal government out of the education business. What, a 25 percent illiteracy rate isn't pure success?

Con: He wants to get the federal government out of the education business. What will John Stoessel bitch about?

Pro: He wants to get the federal government out of the health insurance business. Pay for what you need.

Con: He wants to get the federal government out of the health insurance business. And make infertile women pay for their own treatments? For shame!

Pro: He doesn't want to tighten immigration restrictions. University math programs and computer companies breathe a sigh of relief.

Con: He doesn't want to tighten immigration restrictions. University students and computer users brush up on deciphering heavy Asian accents.

Pro: He views Social Security as a pyramid scheme. And we don't even get a cheap pendant and a year's subscription to Reader's Digest.

Con: He views Social Security as a pyramid scheme. Grandmothers across the land grip their chests in terror at the thought of losing a benefit they didn't earn.

Art Olivier:

See above. So, who am I voting for? As usual, I'm voting Libertarian. A wasted vote, you say? Probably. But so is voting for Deadwood or Shrub. Harry Browne is the closest a misanthrope can come to a perfect candidate.

And don't think a vote for a third party candidate is a wasted vote. A candidate who receives at least 5 percent of the vote can qualify for matching federal funds in the next election, and money makes a campaign go 'round. But if you can't bring yourself to vote for a third party candidate, go with Bush.

Democratic Party:

Al Gore:

Pro: He's schizo. We'll never know which Gore we're getting. It'll be a surprise.

Con: He's schizo. Free Lithium for all.

Pro: He pushes an anti-smoking campaign. Why smoke when drinking Vodka is much more glamorous?

Con: He pushes an anti-smoking campaign. He used to defend tobacco farmers and accept contributions from tobacco companies.

Pro: He invented the Internet. And brought this Web site to you.

Con: He invented the Internet. And he'd gladly ban "hate speech" on it.

Pro: He wants to expand anti-drug policies. But you're safe if you're related to him and attend Harvard.

Con: He wants to expand anti-drug policies. In his youth, he put Cheech and Chong to shame, which means he's even more rabid about his anti-drug stance.

Pro: He feels that Latino values are the best values. Henceforth, all women will shop at Rave, Bang Bang and Le Chateau.

Con: He feels that Latino values are the best values. Henceforth, all men must drench women in beer and water, and shamelessly group-grope them.

Pro: He wants to give stay-at-home mothers five years' worth of Social Security credits. Good. Give them an incentive to quit the workforce and spare us the details of their lochia.

Con: He wants to give stay-at-home mothers five years' worth of Social Security credits. Bad. Why the hell should they reap rewards for sitting on their fat asses for five years, while the rest of us are worker bees?

Pro: He claims to be pro-women. Abortion will remain legal.

Con: He claims to be pro-women. He kept having children until he got his boy.

Pro: He wants to provide $500 billion in tax cuts to families. Those Expedition payments are just becoming too much.

Con: He wants to provide $500 billion in tax cuts to families. Hint: If you don't have kids, you're not part of a family.

Pro: He believes that universal Internet connection should be a national priority. Everyone deserves a chance to read my site.

Con: He believes that universal Internet connection should be a national priority. Come on, he thinks it should be a national priority.

Joseph Lieberman:

All you need to know is that this guy is hellbent on getting rid of violence in the media.

Quotes: " We are not seeking censorship but better citizenship. We are appealing to the industry's conscience, to recognize that you are part of the national community that is endangered by the virus of youth violence, and to work with us to do whatever we can to prevent another Littleton."
-- Source: Senate testimony, "Marketing of Violence to Children" May 4, 1999

Lieberman was one of 10 Senators who sent a letter to seven video-game retailers. "We are seriously concerned about the accumulated impact that media violence is having on our children," the senators wrote. "We are particularly concerned by what is happening in the video game marketplace. Most games contain little if any violence and are rated as perfectly appropriate for players of all ages. But there is a significant core of increasingly graphic, gruesome, and perverse games that despite being rated for adults are commonly played by children."

The Senators noted that a prime reason kids have such easy access to ultraviolent games is that few leading retailers have policies restricting the sale of "M"-rated games to minors. They praised Sears and Wards for deciding not to carry "M"-rated games and asked the other companies to at least adopt standard policies to prevent children from buying potentially harmful games.

No single policy, governmental or corporate, will eliminate the serious threat of violence or prevent another Columbine from happening," the senators wrote. "But we have an obligation to do whatever we can to reduce the risks, and we believe that shielding our children from cultural messages and images that glorify and legitimize violence will do just that."
-- Source: Press Release, "Ultraviolent video games" Jun 16, 2000

On Lieberman's Web site, he's proud to announce that he has:

• Co-authored the V-chip law to give parents new tools to shield their children from offensive and harmful programs on television

• Pushed the video game industry to create a rating system to help parents make informed choices for their children

• Spurred new efforts to make the Internet safer for kids

George W. Bush.:

Pro: He laughed about convicted murderer Karla Faye Tucker's execution. He's a sick bastard.

Con: He laughed about convicted murderer Karla Faye Tucker's execution. I'm not seeing a con here.

Pro: He supports the pro-life stance. A Republican can't get elected without throwing a bone to the fringe elements.

Con: He supports the pro-life stance. A Republican can't get elected without throwing a bone to the fringe elements.

Pro: He would defend Taiwan if China attacks Taiwan. Well, that's one way to cut down on overpopulation.

Con: He would defend Taiwan if China attacks Taiwan. Chinese is a really difficult language to learn.

Pro: He would allow the Ten Commandments to be posted in schools. The kids can't read them, anyway.

Con: He would allow the Ten Commandments to be posted in schools. 16-year-old Wiccans will create protest Web sites.

Pro: He supports stronger penalties for first time cocaine possession. Unless one's last name is "Bush." I'm applying to change my name.

Con: He supports stronger penalties for first time cocaine possession. What about all of the hot young actors who won't be able to cut a deal just in time to star in the latest teen comedy?

Pro: He wants to help failing students pass. An educated populace makes for a successful nation.

Con: He wants to help failing students pass. Who will fill up the prisons by getting arrested for selling coke?

Pro: He wants to get rid of the Superfund program. Battery acid seeping into the water supply adds to the character of a neighborhood.

Con: He wants to get rid of the Superfund program. New Jersey will surpass Staten Island in being the world's largest garbage dump.

Pro: He wants to pursue stronger ties to Israel. Because they'd, uh, like, defend us and stuff, like, if we were attacked. **cough**

Con: He wants to pursue stronger ties to Israel. Israel sinks another American ship, anyway.

Pro: He's stupid. Think of the soundbites.

Con: He's stupid. Think of how the rest of the world will perceive the soundbites.

Dick Cheney:

Pro: He supports F-16 sales to Taiwan. They fall apart after playing with them for three days.

Con: He supports F-16 sales to Taiwan. It won't narrow the trade gap.

Pro: He supported a bill that would reward snitching on drug dealers. That's one way to supplement my income.

Con: He supported a bill that would reward snitching on drug dealers. The reward was a handshake from General Barry McCaffrey.

Pro: He voted against the Clean Water Act. Has Poland Springs gone public?

Con: He voted against the Clean Water Act. I guess he doesn't care about the children.

Green Party:

Ralph Nader::

Pro: He wants universal health care. Millions of Americans will wait months or years to receive needed medical care. Could cut down on the population.

Con: He wants universal health care. Reduction in population not worth the enormous cost.

Pro: He wants to provide additional child-care options to America's parents. 20 percent of SIDS cases occur at daycare.

Con: He wants to provide additional child-care options to America's parents. We'll probably foot the bill for Mama Sow to spend a year at home with her pint-sized cretin.

Pro: He wants to tax meat and anything we "don't like." Great. I can't wait for the taxes on breeding.

Con: He wants to tax meat and anything we "don't like." I think he means all of the things I like.

Pro: He wants a 100 percent tax for the rich. Sour grapes never looked so good.

Con: He wants a 100 percent tax for the rich. Yes, let's punish people for working hard, and give it to idiots who can't even put together the right order at Taco Bell.

Pro: He wants gun control. It's about time someone promoted gun features that steady the shooter's aim.

Con: He wants gun control. I doubt he'll pay for each of us to have a bodyguard, instead.

Pro: He wants to teach "democratic principles" in school. His democratic principles include affirmative action.

Con: He wants to teach "democratic principles" in school. Lovely. We'll go from the Pledge of Allegiance to the Pledge of Tolerance:

I will take every opportunity that presents itself to educate the ignorant in a passive/non-violent manner. I will not accept stereotyping, prejudice or hate in any form. I will make known my disgust of hate-based "jokes," while not losing my sense of true humor.

Pro: He wants to set up the domain ".sucks." All right! www.ralphnader.sucks!

Con: He wants to set up the domain ".sucks." He already owns the rights to it.

Pro: He said that TV ads are "electronic child molesting." At least he'll let pedophiles get off in some way.

Con: He said that TV ads are "electronic child molesting." Someone should tell him that rampant consumerism is what keeps the economy going.

Pro: He supports the decision against Microsoft. Nobody needs to be that rich.

Con: He supports the decision against Microsoft. He's obviously never tried to mount his own hard drive.

Pro: He wants to substantially increase the minimum wage. McDonald's isn't looking so bad now.

Con: He wants to substantially increase the minimum wage. If everyone earns a highly livable wage, where's the incentive to do well and work harder?

And really, would you want that pansy in charge of the military?

Winona LaDuke:

Pro: She's a Native American. When the Northeast experiences another drought, maybe she'll do a raindance.

Con: She's a Native American. Breeders will stop naming their kids after boroughs of New York City, and start giving their kids bastardized Native American names such as "Squatting Twat." Public school textbooks will be revised to show the inherent superiority of Native Americans, and school buses will have ads for Foxwoods.

Pro: She's a woman. Maybe she'll show us her tits.

Con: She's a feminist. She'll only show us her tits if there's an infant latched on to one.

Pro: She lives on a reservation. Hey, she couldn't be against the tobacco industry.

Con: She lives on a reservation. We'll never hear the end of Wounded Knee.

Libertarian Party:

Harry Browne:

Pro: He wants to end the War on Drugs. "Yes, I'll have a pack of gum and a sheet of acid."

Con: He wants to end the War on Drugs. Watch the price of weed shoot up when CVS and Eckerd's stock it.

Pro: He wants to keep abortion legal. I hate when condoms break.

Con: He wants to keep abortion legal. Four more years of pro-life activists.

Pro: He supports cutting back on defending two-bit nations. Rwanda didn't have any fancy art museums to plunder.

Con: He supports cutting back on defending two-bit nations. Taiwan won't send any more tchotchkes.

Pro: He intends to scale back the powers of the federal government, and in turn, eliminate the need for income/estate/etc. taxes. Jesus, have you seen how much those bastards take out of our paychecks?

Con: He intends to scale back the powers of the federal government, and in turn, eliminate the need for income/estate/etc. taxes. But who will tend to the highway infrastructure?

Pro: He thinks that since there are already 20,000 gun laws on the books, there is no need for more. Hello, clocktower!

Con: He thinks that since there are already 20,000 gun laws on the books, there is no need for more. Hello, clocktower!

Pro: He wants to get the federal government out of the education business. What, a 25 percent illiteracy rate isn't pure success?

Con: He wants to get the federal government out of the education business. What will John Stoessel bitch about?

Pro: He wants to get the federal government out of the health insurance business. Pay for what you need.

Con: He wants to get the federal government out of the health insurance business. And make infertile women pay for their own treatments? For shame!

Pro: He doesn't want to tighten immigration restrictions. University math programs and computer companies breathe a sigh of relief.

Con: He doesn't want to tighten immigration restrictions. University students and computer users brush up on deciphering heavy Asian accents.

Pro: He views Social Security as a pyramid scheme. And we don't even get a cheap pendant and a year's subscription to Reader's Digest.

Con: He views Social Security as a pyramid scheme. Grandmothers across the land grip their chests in terror at the thought of losing a benefit they didn't earn.

Art Olivier:

See above. So, who am I voting for? As usual, I'm voting Libertarian. A wasted vote, you say? Probably. But so is voting for Deadwood or Shrub. Harry Browne is the closest a misanthrope can come to a perfect candidate.

And don't think a vote for a third party candidate is a wasted vote. A candidate who receives at least 5 percent of the vote can qualify for matching federal funds in the next election, and money makes a campaign go 'round. But if you can't bring yourself to vote for a third party candidate, go with Bush.

Democratic Party:

Al Gore:

Pro: He's schizo. We'll never know which Gore we're getting. It'll be a surprise.

Con: He's schizo. Free Lithium for all.

Pro: He pushes an anti-smoking campaign. Why smoke when drinking Vodka is much more glamorous?

Con: He pushes an anti-smoking campaign. He used to defend tobacco farmers and accept contributions from tobacco companies.

Pro: He invented the Internet. And brought this Web site to you.

Con: He invented the Internet. And he'd gladly ban "hate speech" on it.

Pro: He wants to expand anti-drug policies. But you're safe if you're related to him and attend Harvard.

Con: He wants to expand anti-drug policies. In his youth, he put Cheech and Chong to shame, which means he's even more rabid about his anti-drug stance.

Pro: He feels that Latino values are the best values. Henceforth, all women will shop at Rave, Bang Bang and Le Chateau.

Con: He feels that Latino values are the best values. Henceforth, all men must drench women in beer and water, and shamelessly group-grope them.

Pro: He wants to give stay-at-home mothers five years' worth of Social Security credits. Good. Give them an incentive to quit the workforce and spare us the details of their lochia.

Con: He wants to give stay-at-home mothers five years' worth of Social Security credits. Bad. Why the hell should they reap rewards for sitting on their fat asses for five years, while the rest of us are worker bees?

Pro: He claims to be pro-women. Abortion will remain legal.

Con: He claims to be pro-women. He kept having children until he got his boy.

Pro: He wants to provide $500 billion in tax cuts to families. Those Expedition payments are just becoming too much.

Con: He wants to provide $500 billion in tax cuts to families. Hint: If you don't have kids, you're not part of a family.

Pro: He believes that universal Internet connection should be a national priority. Everyone deserves a chance to read my site.

Con: He believes that universal Internet connection should be a national priority. Come on, he thinks it should be a national priority.

Joseph Lieberman:

All you need to know is that this guy is hellbent on getting rid of violence in the media.

Quotes: " We are not seeking censorship but better citizenship. We are appealing to the industry's conscience, to recognize that you are part of the national community that is endangered by the virus of youth violence, and to work with us to do whatever we can to prevent another Littleton."
-- Source: Senate testimony, "Marketing of Violence to Children" May 4, 1999

Lieberman was one of 10 Senators who sent a letter to seven video-game retailers. "We are seriously concerned about the accumulated impact that media violence is having on our children," the senators wrote. "We are particularly concerned by what is happening in the video game marketplace. Most games contain little if any violence and are rated as perfectly appropriate for players of all ages. But there is a significant core of increasingly graphic, gruesome, and perverse games that despite being rated for adults are commonly played by children."

The Senators noted that a prime reason kids have such easy access to ultraviolent games is that few leading retailers have policies restricting the sale of "M"-rated games to minors. They praised Sears and Wards for deciding not to carry "M"-rated games and asked the other companies to at least adopt standard policies to prevent children from buying potentially harmful games.

No single policy, governmental or corporate, will eliminate the serious threat of violence or prevent another Columbine from happening," the senators wrote. "But we have an obligation to do whatever we can to reduce the risks, and we believe that shielding our children from cultural messages and images that glorify and legitimize violence will do just that."
-- Source: Press Release, "Ultraviolent video games" Jun 16, 2000

On Lieberman's Web site, he's proud to announce that he has:

• Co-authored the V-chip law to give parents new tools to shield their children from offensive and harmful programs on television

• Pushed the video game industry to create a rating system to help parents make informed choices for their children

• Spurred new efforts to make the Internet safer for kids

George W. Bush.:

Pro: He laughed about convicted murderer Karla Faye Tucker's execution. He's a sick bastard.

Con: He laughed about convicted murderer Karla Faye Tucker's execution. I'm not seeing a con here.

Pro: He supports the pro-life stance. A Republican can't get elected without throwing a bone to the fringe elements.

Con: He supports the pro-life stance. A Republican can't get elected without throwing a bone to the fringe elements.

Pro: He would defend Taiwan if China attacks Taiwan. Well, that's one way to cut down on overpopulation.

Con: He would defend Taiwan if China attacks Taiwan. Chinese is a really difficult language to learn.

Pro: He would allow the Ten Commandments to be posted in schools. The kids can't read them, anyway.

Con: He would allow the Ten Commandments to be posted in schools. 16-year-old Wiccans will create protest Web sites.

Pro: He supports stronger penalties for first time cocaine possession. Unless one's last name is "Bush." I'm applying to change my name.

Con: He supports stronger penalties for first time cocaine possession. What about all of the hot young actors who won't be able to cut a deal just in time to star in the latest teen comedy?

Pro: He wants to help failing students pass. An educated populace makes for a successful nation.

Con: He wants to help failing students pass. Who will fill up the prisons by getting arrested for selling coke?

Pro: He wants to get rid of the Superfund program. Battery acid seeping into the water supply adds to the character of a neighborhood.

Con: He wants to get rid of the Superfund program. New Jersey will surpass Staten Island in being the world's largest garbage dump.

Pro: He wants to pursue stronger ties to Israel. Because they'd, uh, like, defend us and stuff, like, if we were attacked. **cough**

Con: He wants to pursue stronger ties to Israel. Israel sinks another American ship, anyway.

Pro: He's stupid. Think of the soundbites.

Con: He's stupid. Think of how the rest of the world will perceive the soundbites.

Dick Cheney:

Pro: He supports F-16 sales to Taiwan. They fall apart after playing with them for three days.

Con: He supports F-16 sales to Taiwan. It won't narrow the trade gap.

Pro: He supported a bill that would reward snitching on drug dealers. That's one way to supplement my income.

Con: He supported a bill that would reward snitching on drug dealers. The reward was a handshake from General Barry McCaffrey.

Pro: He voted against the Clean Water Act. Has Poland Springs gone public?

Con: He voted against the Clean Water Act. I guess he doesn't care about the children.

Green Party:

Ralph Nader::

Pro: He wants universal health care. Millions of Americans will wait months or years to receive needed medical care. Could cut down on the population.

Con: He wants universal health care. Reduction in population not worth the enormous cost.

Pro: He wants to provide additional child-care options to America's parents. 20 percent of SIDS cases occur at daycare.

Con: He wants to provide additional child-care options to America's parents. We'll probably foot the bill for Mama Sow to spend a year at home with her pint-sized cretin.

Pro: He wants to tax meat and anything we "don't like." Great. I can't wait for the taxes on breeding.

Con: He wants to tax meat and anything we "don't like." I think he means all of the things I like.

Pro: He wants a 100 percent tax for the rich. Sour grapes never looked so good.

Con: He wants a 100 percent tax for the rich. Yes, let's punish people for working hard, and give it to idiots who can't even put together the right order at Taco Bell.

Pro: He wants gun control. It's about time someone promoted gun features that steady the shooter's aim.

Con: He wants gun control. I doubt he'll pay for each of us to have a bodyguard, instead.

Pro: He wants to teach "democratic principles" in school. His democratic principles include affirmative action.

Con: He wants to teach "democratic principles" in school. Lovely. We'll go from the Pledge of Allegiance to the Pledge of Tolerance:

I will take every opportunity that presents itself to educate the ignorant in a passive/non-violent manner. I will not accept stereotyping, prejudice or hate in any form. I will make known my disgust of hate-based "jokes," while not losing my sense of true humor.

Pro: He wants to set up the domain ".sucks." All right! www.ralphnader.sucks!

Con: He wants to set up the domain ".sucks." He already owns the rights to it.

Pro: He said that TV ads are "electronic child molesting." At least he'll let pedophiles get off in some way.

Con: He said that TV ads are "electronic child molesting." Someone should tell him that rampant consumerism is what keeps the economy going.

Pro: He supports the decision against Microsoft. Nobody needs to be that rich.

Con: He supports the decision against Microsoft. He's obviously never tried to mount his own hard drive.

Pro: He wants to substantially increase the minimum wage. McDonald's isn't looking so bad now.

Con: He wants to substantially increase the minimum wage. If everyone earns a highly livable wage, where's the incentive to do well and work harder?

And really, would you want that pansy in charge of the military?

Winona LaDuke:

Pro: She's a Native American. When the Northeast experiences another drought, maybe she'll do a raindance.

Con: She's a Native American. Breeders will stop naming their kids after boroughs of New York City, and start giving their kids bastardized Native American names such as "Squatting Twat." Public school textbooks will be revised to show the inherent superiority of Native Americans, and school buses will have ads for Foxwoods.

Pro: She's a woman. Maybe she'll show us her tits.

Con: She's a feminist. She'll only show us her tits if there's an infant latched on to one.

Pro: She lives on a reservation. Hey, she couldn't be against the tobacco industry.

Con: She lives on a reservation. We'll never hear the end of Wounded Knee.

Libertarian Party:

Harry Browne:

Pro: He wants to end the War on Drugs. "Yes, I'll have a pack of gum and a sheet of acid."

Con: He wants to end the War on Drugs. Watch the price of weed shoot up when CVS and Eckerd's stock it.

Pro: He wants to keep abortion legal. I hate when condoms break.

Con: He wants to keep abortion legal. Four more years of pro-life activists.

Pro: He supports cutting back on defending two-bit nations. Rwanda didn't have any fancy art museums to plunder.

Con: He supports cutting back on defending two-bit nations. Taiwan won't send any more tchotchkes.

Pro: He intends to scale back the powers of the federal government, and in turn, eliminate the need for income/estate/etc. taxes. Jesus, have you seen how much those bastards take out of our paychecks?

Con: He intends to scale back the powers of the federal government, and in turn, eliminate the need for income/estate/etc. taxes. But who will tend to the highway infrastructure?

Pro: He thinks that since there are already 20,000 gun laws on the books, there is no need for more. Hello, clocktower!

Con: He thinks that since there are already 20,000 gun laws on the books, there is no need for more. Hello, clocktower!

Pro: He wants to get the federal government out of the education business. What, a 25 percent illiteracy rate isn't pure success?

Con: He wants to get the federal government out of the education business. What will John Stoessel bitch about?

Pro: He wants to get the federal government out of the health insurance business. Pay for what you need.

Con: He wants to get the federal government out of the health insurance business. And make infertile women pay for their own treatments? For shame!

Pro: He doesn't want to tighten immigration restrictions. University math programs and computer companies breathe a sigh of relief.

Con: He doesn't want to tighten immigration restrictions. University students and computer users brush up on deciphering heavy Asian accents.

Pro: He views Social Security as a pyramid scheme. And we don't even get a cheap pendant and a year's subscription to Reader's Digest.

Con: He views Social Security as a pyramid scheme. Grandmothers across the land grip their chests in terror at the thought of losing a benefit they didn't earn.

Art Olivier:

See above. So, who am I voting for? As usual, I'm voting Libertarian. A wasted vote, you say? Probably. But so is voting for Deadwood or Shrub. Harry Browne is the closest a misanthrope can come to a perfect candidate.

And don't think a vote for a third party candidate is a wasted vote. A candidate who receives at least 5 percent of the vote can qualify for matching federal funds in the next election, and money makes a campaign go 'round. But if you can't bring yourself to vote for a third party candidate, go with Bush.

Democratic Party:

Al Gore:

Pro: He's schizo. We'll never know which Gore we're getting. It'll be a surprise.

Con: He's schizo. Free Lithium for all.

Pro: He pushes an anti-smoking campaign. Why smoke when drinking Vodka is much more glamorous?

Con: He pushes an anti-smoking campaign. He used to defend tobacco farmers and accept contributions from tobacco companies.

Pro: He invented the Internet. And brought this Web site to you.

Con: He invented the Internet. And he'd gladly ban "hate speech" on it.

Pro: He wants to expand anti-drug policies. But you're safe if you're related to him and attend Harvard.

Con: He wants to expand anti-drug policies. In his youth, he put Cheech and Chong to shame, which means he's even more rabid about his anti-drug stance.

Pro: He feels that Latino values are the best values. Henceforth, all women will shop at Rave, Bang Bang and Le Chateau.

Con: He feels that Latino values are the best values. Henceforth, all men must drench women in beer and water, and shamelessly group-grope them.

Pro: He wants to give stay-at-home mothers five years' worth of Social Security credits. Good. Give them an incentive to quit the workforce and spare us the details of their lochia.

Con: He wants to give stay-at-home mothers five years' worth of Social Security credits. Bad. Why the hell should they reap rewards for sitting on their fat asses for five years, while the rest of us are worker bees?

Pro: He claims to be pro-women. Abortion will remain legal.

Con: He claims to be pro-women. He kept having children until he got his boy.

Pro: He wants to provide $500 billion in tax cuts to families. Those Expedition payments are just becoming too much.

Con: He wants to provide $500 billion in tax cuts to families. Hint: If you don't have kids, you're not part of a family.

Pro: He believes that universal Internet connection should be a national priority. Everyone deserves a chance to read my site.

Con: He believes that universal Internet connection should be a national priority. Come on, he thinks it should be a national priority.

Joseph Lieberman:

All you need to know is that this guy is hellbent on getting rid of violence in the media.

Quotes: " We are not seeking censorship but better citizenship. We are appealing to the industry's conscience, to recognize that you are part of the national community that is endangered by the virus of youth violence, and to work with us to do whatever we can to prevent another Littleton."
-- Source: Senate testimony, "Marketing of Violence to Children" May 4, 1999

Lieberman was one of 10 Senators who sent a letter to seven video-game retailers. "We are seriously concerned about the accumulated impact that media violence is having on our children," the senators wrote. "We are particularly concerned by what is happening in the video game marketplace. Most games contain little if any violence and are rated as perfectly appropriate for players of all ages. But there is a significant core of increasingly graphic, gruesome, and perverse games that despite being rated for adults are commonly played by children."

The Senators noted that a prime reason kids have such easy access to ultraviolent games is that few leading retailers have policies restricting the sale of "M"-rated games to minors. They praised Sears and Wards for deciding not to carry "M"-rated games and asked the other companies to at least adopt standard policies to prevent children from buying potentially harmful games.

No single policy, governmental or corporate, will eliminate the serious threat of violence or prevent another Columbine from happening," the senators wrote. "But we have an obligation to do whatever we can to reduce the risks, and we believe that shielding our children from cultural messages and images that glorify and legitimize violence will do just that."
-- Source: Press Release, "Ultraviolent video games" Jun 16, 2000

On Lieberman's Web site, he's proud to announce that he has:

• Co-authored the V-chip law to give parents new tools to shield their children from offensive and harmful programs on television

• Pushed the video game industry to create a rating system to help parents make informed choices for their children

• Spurred new efforts to make the Internet safer for kids

George W. Bush.:

Pro: He laughed about convicted murderer Karla Faye Tucker's execution. He's a sick bastard.

Con: He laughed about convicted murderer Karla Faye Tucker's execution. I'm not seeing a con here.

Pro: He supports the pro-life stance. A Republican can't get elected without throwing a bone to the fringe elements.

Con: He supports the pro-life stance. A Republican can't get elected without throwing a bone to the fringe elements.

Pro: He would defend Taiwan if China attacks Taiwan. Well, that's one way to cut down on overpopulation.

Con: He would defend Taiwan if China attacks Taiwan. Chinese is a really difficult language to learn.

Pro: He would allow the Ten Commandments to be posted in schools. The kids can't read them, anyway.

Con: He would allow the Ten Commandments to be posted in schools. 16-year-old Wiccans will create protest Web sites.

Pro: He supports stronger penalties for first time cocaine possession. Unless one's last name is "Bush." I'm applying to change my name.

Con: He supports stronger penalties for first time cocaine possession. What about all of the hot young actors who won't be able to cut a deal just in time to star in the latest teen comedy?

Pro: He wants to help failing students pass. An educated populace makes for a successful nation.

Con: He wants to help failing students pass. Who will fill up the prisons by getting arrested for selling coke?

Pro: He wants to get rid of the Superfund program. Battery acid seeping into the water supply adds to the character of a neighborhood.

Con: He wants to get rid of the Superfund program. New Jersey will surpass Staten Island in being the world's largest garbage dump.

Pro: He wants to pursue stronger ties to Israel. Because they'd, uh, like, defend us and stuff, like, if we were attacked. **cough**

Con: He wants to pursue stronger ties to Israel. Israel sinks another American ship, anyway.

Pro: He's stupid. Think of the soundbites.

Con: He's stupid. Think of how the rest of the world will perceive the soundbites.

Dick Cheney:

Pro: He supports F-16 sales to Taiwan. They fall apart after playing with them for three days.

Con: He supports F-16 sales to Taiwan. It won't narrow the trade gap.

Pro: He supported a bill that would reward snitching on drug dealers. That's one way to supplement my income.

Con: He supported a bill that would reward snitching on drug dealers. The reward was a handshake from General Barry McCaffrey.

Pro: He voted against the Clean Water Act. Has Poland Springs gone public?

Con: He voted against the Clean Water Act. I guess he doesn't care about the children.

Green Party:

Ralph Nader::

Pro: He wants universal health care. Millions of Americans will wait months or years to receive needed medical care. Could cut down on the population.

Con: He wants universal health care. Reduction in population not worth the enormous cost.

Pro: He wants to provide additional child-care options to America's parents. 20 percent of SIDS cases occur at daycare.

Con: He wants to provide additional child-care options to America's parents. We'll probably foot the bill for Mama Sow to spend a year at home with her pint-sized cretin.

Pro: He wants to tax meat and anything we "don't like." Great. I can't wait for the taxes on breeding.

Con: He wants to tax meat and anything we "don't like." I think he means all of the things I like.

Pro: He wants a 100 percent tax for the rich. Sour grapes never looked so good.

Con: He wants a 100 percent tax for the rich. Yes, let's punish people for working hard, and give it to idiots who can't even put together the right order at Taco Bell.

Pro: He wants gun control. It's about time someone promoted gun features that steady the shooter's aim.

Con: He wants gun control. I doubt he'll pay for each of us to have a bodyguard, instead.

Pro: He wants to teach "democratic principles" in school. His democratic principles include affirmative action.

Con: He wants to teach "democratic principles" in school. Lovely. We'll go from the Pledge of Allegiance to the Pledge of Tolerance:

I will take every opportunity that presents itself to educate the ignorant in a passive/non-violent manner. I will not accept stereotyping, prejudice or hate in any form. I will make known my disgust of hate-based "jokes," while not losing my sense of true humor.

Pro: He wants to set up the domain ".sucks." All right! www.ralphnader.sucks!

Con: He wants to set up the domain ".sucks." He already owns the rights to it.

Pro: He said that TV ads are "electronic child molesting." At least he'll let pedophiles get off in some way.

Con: He said that TV ads are "electronic child molesting." Someone should tell him that rampant consumerism is what keeps the economy going.

Pro: He supports the decision against Microsoft. Nobody needs to be that rich.

Con: He supports the decision against Microsoft. He's obviously never tried to mount his own hard drive.

Pro: He wants to substantially increase the minimum wage. McDonald's isn't looking so bad now.

Con: He wants to substantially increase the minimum wage. If everyone earns a highly livable wage, where's the incentive to do well and work harder?

And really, would you want that pansy in charge of the military?

Winona LaDuke:

Pro: She's a Native American. When the Northeast experiences another drought, maybe she'll do a raindance.

Con: She's a Native American. Breeders will stop naming their kids after boroughs of New York City, and start giving their kids bastardized Native American names such as "Squatting Twat." Public school textbooks will be revised to show the inherent superiority of Native Americans, and school buses will have ads for Foxwoods.

Pro: She's a woman. Maybe she'll show us her tits.

Con: She's a feminist. She'll only show us her tits if there's an infant latched on to one.

Pro: She lives on a reservation. Hey, she couldn't be against the tobacco industry.

Con: She lives on a reservation. We'll never hear the end of Wounded Knee.

Libertarian Party:

Harry Browne:

Pro: He wants to end the War on Drugs. "Yes, I'll have a pack of gum and a sheet of acid."

Con: He wants to end the War on Drugs. Watch the price of weed shoot up when CVS and Eckerd's stock it.

Pro: He wants to keep abortion legal. I hate when condoms break.

Con: He wants to keep abortion legal. Four more years of pro-life activists.

Pro: He supports cutting back on defending two-bit nations. Rwanda didn't have any fancy art museums to plunder.

Con: He supports cutting back on defending two-bit nations. Taiwan won't send any more tchotchkes.

Pro: He intends to scale back the powers of the federal government, and in turn, eliminate the need for income/estate/etc. taxes. Jesus, have you seen how much those bastards take out of our paychecks?

Con: He intends to scale back the powers of the federal government, and in turn, eliminate the need for income/estate/etc. taxes. But who will tend to the highway infrastructure?

Pro: He thinks that since there are already 20,000 gun laws on the books, there is no need for more. Hello, clocktower!

Con: He thinks that since there are already 20,000 gun laws on the books, there is no need for more. Hello, clocktower!

Pro: He wants to get the federal government out of the education business. What, a 25 percent illiteracy rate isn't pure success?

Con: He wants to get the federal government out of the education business. What will John Stoessel bitch about?

Pro: He wants to get the federal government out of the health insurance business. Pay for what you need.

Con: He wants to get the federal government out of the health insurance business. And make infertile women pay for their own treatments? For shame!

Pro: He doesn't want to tighten immigration restrictions. University math programs and computer companies breathe a sigh of relief.

Con: He doesn't want to tighten immigration restrictions. University students and computer users brush up on deciphering heavy Asian accents.

Pro: He views Social Security as a pyramid scheme. And we don't even get a cheap pendant and a year's subscription to Reader's Digest.

Con: He views Social Security as a pyramid scheme. Grandmothers across the land grip their chests in terror at the thought of losing a benefit they didn't earn.

Art Olivier:

See above. So, who am I voting for? As usual, I'm voting Libertarian. A wasted vote, you say? Probably. But so is voting for Deadwood or Shrub. Harry Browne is the closest a misanthrope can come to a perfect candidate.

And don't think a vote for a third party candidate is a wasted vote. A candidate who receives at least 5 percent of the vote can qualify for matching federal funds in the next election, and money makes a campaign go 'round. But if you can't bring yourself to vote for a third party candidate, go with Bush.

The short answer - nothing.

The long answer - if (if) Dubya gets in, you'll see some sort of tax break. Gore's tax breaks are only for breeders (and at that, not even every breeder gets the full amount). If Bush wins, you might get something back. If Gore wins, you get zippo.

As for their records in the past, they've done nothing. The bottom line is that (1) we're a minority, (2) most of us have enough free time that we've probably already made up our minds well in advance of the election. The soccer-moms are so busy that half of 'em haven't even noticed there is an election. And (3) we can't be swayed by "it's for the chillllldrunnn" rhetoric. So we're a harder segment to go for because we're harder to manipulate.

Pandering to us makes for poor soundbites, and we're not as easily-manipulated. Is it any wonder we're ignored?

As usual, The Misanthropic Bitch puts it best:

Al Gore: Pro: He wants to provide $500 billion in tax cuts to families. Those [Ford] Expedition payments are just becoming too much.

Al Gore: Con: He wants to provide $500 billion in tax cuts to families. Hint: If you don't have kids, you're not part of a family.

Agreed. This is flamebait.

Well, your posting history and the site you link to in your profile certainly fit your alias.

No, I didn't read the article because, as I stated in my first post, I really don't give a fuck. I saw in one of the replies to your post that the Apache folks use their one of their development machines as a webserver. *That* is notable, when the machine is broken into. That the machine is broken into alone matters not one iota to me.

I don't care how the people who broke in did so and I certainly didn't say anything about their procedure. What difference does it make whether they use a buffer overflow or something a little trickier? It's still just another machine that was broken into. I'm quite sure they have backups. It's as simple as restoring them, fixing the vulnerability, and reconnecting the machine. The only thing left to them is determining just how long ago the vulnerability was first taken advantage of.

High profile aside, in what relevent way is it any different than someone who runs one of the myriad Win '9x trojans? Regardless of the Libertarian slant (why argue with what should be common sense?) to everything she writes, this covers a similar situation. Why is one case more special than another? No hypocrite, I.

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Of course, maybe they have. Oops, here come the men in black...

Bottom line, if you're (l)using anything that involves direct connection over IP between your box and the other guy's box, you have to trust the server on the other end of the connection.

Meanwhile, why hasn't anyone posted that the logs mentioned in today's article are available as screenshots, not text, and are consequently unlikely to be indexed by search engines? I'd say the loggers went as far out of their way as they could to preserve the loggees privacy while still making it very clear that Everything You Download From Someone Else's Computer Can Be Logged.

Meanwhile, for sheer laughs, dig The Misanthropic Bitch's list of referrers.

And no discussion of stupid people on the 'net would be complete without a link to Baiting.

Of course, maybe they have. Oops, here come the men in black...

Bottom line, if you're (l)using anything that involves direct connection over IP between your box and the other guy's box, you have to trust the server on the other end of the connection.

Meanwhile, why hasn't anyone posted that the logs mentioned in today's article are available as screenshots, not text, and are consequently unlikely to be indexed by search engines? I'd say the loggers went as far out of their way as they could to preserve the loggees privacy while still making it very clear that Everything You Download From Someone Else's Computer Can Be Logged.

Meanwhile, for sheer laughs, dig The Misanthropic Bitch's list of referrers.

And no discussion of stupid people on the 'net would be complete without a link to Baiting.

That's really good, the way I wrote it didn't make a statement. I really like the way you tied it together, especially the idea of Python vs. Perl having a religious impact. That would relate back to the Slashdot story regarding Freeman Dyson's work on religion's role on society, except here you would have an example of technology impacting religion. We can see some evidence of that already with the new Perl Monks website. Why "monks" unless their are religious implications? Pretty soon there will probably be a Python Priests website since Python fans would want their language to offer a religious form of expression/membership as well.

bleh. http://chickssuck.shutdown.com

Hey, aren't you The ChicksSuck Guy?

I've been getting an overwhelming attitude among geek guys recently that women geeks are just a toy like their new 21 inch moniotr. with a "Where can I buy my own?" attitude. You guys go on about petrifying whatever female geek catches your fancy for the day, you talk about 'creating' your own linux nerd, you suggest female geeks as great beowulf clusters, you say "I wish I could show her my box, heh heh heh". You guys pride yourselves on your intelligence, and you want to be respected for your mind, well so do I. Geek respect is earned, no matter what gender you are, and you're never going to find a female geek if you can't give her the basic respect you'd give any other geek.

But just when you thought I was going to bash men my whole comment, let me say: Women are worse. They whine that there aren't enough women in management, that they can't get along with the male geeks, blah blah blah. Damn, get over it! I can get along with geek guys just fine, and so can you if you just stop thinking it as "us" vs "them". As I said before, respect is earned, and you're not going to earn any respect by talk instead of action. Oh yeah, and girls, if you're fat and ugly, stop trying to convince the guys that just because you're a lardball that all of the rest of us are too. "Don't expect us to be barbies!"

You'll never find any self respecting female geek in a group like "linux chix", for one, by this time they've gotten so used to male company that they often prefer guys to women, they don't want to talk about "how can we get more girls into computers! (I like having no competition), and they don't give a damn about how there aren't enough women in management. Don't try to look for us in groups like "nrrdgrrl.com" either. I can't stand that name, and besides, the whole board is about 13 year old girls complaining "Booh hooh! I'm so fat! I'm so ugly! I want to kill myself!" I really have a hard time resisting giving them some encouragement, heather style.

On a final note: As the Misanthropic Bitch says when people ask you "How can you be a woman and think the way you do?", "How could anyone but a woman think like me? Men rarely see the nuts and bolts of womanhood. I see it on a daily basis, and I'm expected to behave in a similar fashion because of my gender. Nothing can make one a misogynist faster than being born a woman. "

Daily crazy stuff from e-bay
Purse made out of a bull's scrotum
Duck dicks

... go read Misantropic Bitch's take on TBWP. I just hope that the movie makes it's way to Europe so I can make up my own mind.

It is far too much. Some have suggested one just turn off their TV, but some of us need or want to keep on top of important events in politics and the world, and the only way for the average is through the media.

About the nicest thing I've heard about JFK Jr was that he was good looking, which I don't even agree with. So let's get bombarded with pictures of him looking cute saluting his dad, looking cute at a family reunion. Oh the poor Kennedy clan. Screw all the ordinary people who made stupid mistakes while flying their plane and were too incompetent to get out of it. They're not special. The pain and suffering their families had to go through is nothing compared to the poor, rich, kennedys, who only have to put their name on a ballot and get elected because one of their relatives was shot a long time ago

Who the hell takes some spoiled rich kid as the defining person in their generation? It's ridiculous! Camelot is sentimental BS, and the original Kennedy wasn't that great and had more affairs in his office than Bill Clinton. If people don't remember we had the revolutionary war so we wouldn't have to deal with royal families. I swear if Bill Clinton was shot during his first term we would be hearing about the 'beautiful' chelsea clinton for the rest of our lives, until she finally keeled over, then it would be a national tragedy.

I'm tired of it. I'm tired of people pretending to care. I'm tired of the constant coverage and the commentary by the reporters and all the old Kennedy family videos. Why doesn't a bomb just hit them during a reunion and so we could deal with all the false public mourning all at once rather than this extended farce.

(P.S. Be sure to check out the Misanthropic Bitch's commentary at http://bitch.shutdown.com/kennedy.html (no, that's not me)

Given that the media's been on this like a starving dog on a T-bone, I think the public deserves one last picture -- John-John after 5 days underwater.

Go to http://bitch.shutdown.com/kennedy.html and crank up the music.