Slashdot Mirror

Strange, this one's no longer funny because it's true.

HERE

"I don't want to say it's the new company town, but it's not far from it".
"Check out the new G-Spot Bar on the corner of Page Avenue and Brin Alley".

Also, http://www.theonion.com/video/google-opt-out-feature-lets-users-protect-privacy,14358/

In other news, Genetically Modified Broccoli Shrieks Its Benefits At Shoppers... http://www.theonion.com/audio/genetically-modified-broccoli-shrieks-its-benefits,18415/ (warning, audio autoplays)

http://www.theonion.com/video/internet-archaeologists-find-ruins-of-friendster-c,14389/

Yup, you can get away from a lot of it by blocking Google's servers, using end-to-end encryption for all mail and IMs and filing take-down notices against Google for pictures of your house. Or you can go and live in the opt out village. My point is that you need to do a lot more than 'just not use their services,' as the grandparent suggested.

I don't regard Google as especially evil, but they have accumulated so much power that it's very easy for them to misuse it even without malicious intent.

http://www.theonion.com/articles/fuck-everything-were-doing-five-blades,11056/

Obligatory http://www.theonion.com/articles/nasa-embarks-on-epic-delay,2704/

http://store.theonion.com/product/holy-shit-man-walks-on-fucking-moon-1969,158/

http://www.theonion.com/video/in-the-know-how-can-we-make-the-war-in-iraq-more-e,14213/

Yea, it reminds me The Onion's Apple Wheel parody. Funny that it was not Apple that actually implemented it!

But...
Apparently, we are running out of rocks...

Such an amazing environment we live in that can grow parasites of such enormous size. It's like looking at Jurassic Park and seeing a giant tick feed off of a dinosaur. This is really quite a fascinating find. Like a leach or mosquito we have no idea what major breakthrough that this event may precipitate under the current administration. The benefit of leaches has been well known for many centuries. The mosquito is by itself a minor nuisance, but when combined with malaria becomes a major health threat. Under this case if the lawyer that became a judge is a parasite perpetuating unnecessary litigation then the end result will be the death of the host organism.(The judiciary) All we need to do is find the tipping point where unnecessary litigation negates all justice and enforcement becomes impossible.
http://www.theonion.com/audio/american-bar-association-recalls-230000-defective,13584/

http://www.theonion.com/articles/fairyprincess-ranks-depleting-as-girls-aspire-to-b,496/

http://www.theonion.com/audio/reallife-beverly-hillbillies-stripped-of-assets-by,13143/

http://www.theonion.com/audio/judge-orders-god-to-break-up-into-smaller-deities,18327/

Such an amazing environment we live in that can grow parasites of such enormous size. It's like looking at Jurassic Park and seeing a giant tick feed off of a dinosaur. This is really quite a fascinating find. Like a leach or mosquito we have no idea what major breakthrough that this event may precipitate under the current administration. The benefit of leaches has been well known for many centuries. The mosquito is by itself a minor nuisance, but when combined with malaria becomes a major health threat. Under this case if the lawyer that became a judge is a parasite perpetuating unnecessary litigation then the end result will be the death of the host organism.(The judiciary) All we need to do is find the tipping point where unnecessary litigation negates all justice and enforcement becomes impossible.
http://www.theonion.com/audio/american-bar-association-recalls-230000-defective,13584/

http://www.theonion.com/articles/fairyprincess-ranks-depleting-as-girls-aspire-to-b,496/

http://www.theonion.com/audio/reallife-beverly-hillbillies-stripped-of-assets-by,13143/

http://www.theonion.com/audio/judge-orders-god-to-break-up-into-smaller-deities,18327/

Such an amazing environment we live in that can grow parasites of such enormous size. It's like looking at Jurassic Park and seeing a giant tick feed off of a dinosaur. This is really quite a fascinating find. Like a leach or mosquito we have no idea what major breakthrough that this event may precipitate under the current administration. The benefit of leaches has been well known for many centuries. The mosquito is by itself a minor nuisance, but when combined with malaria becomes a major health threat. Under this case if the lawyer that became a judge is a parasite perpetuating unnecessary litigation then the end result will be the death of the host organism.(The judiciary) All we need to do is find the tipping point where unnecessary litigation negates all justice and enforcement becomes impossible.
http://www.theonion.com/audio/american-bar-association-recalls-230000-defective,13584/

http://www.theonion.com/articles/fairyprincess-ranks-depleting-as-girls-aspire-to-b,496/

http://www.theonion.com/audio/reallife-beverly-hillbillies-stripped-of-assets-by,13143/

http://www.theonion.com/audio/judge-orders-god-to-break-up-into-smaller-deities,18327/

Such an amazing environment we live in that can grow parasites of such enormous size. It's like looking at Jurassic Park and seeing a giant tick feed off of a dinosaur. This is really quite a fascinating find. Like a leach or mosquito we have no idea what major breakthrough that this event may precipitate under the current administration. The benefit of leaches has been well known for many centuries. The mosquito is by itself a minor nuisance, but when combined with malaria becomes a major health threat. Under this case if the lawyer that became a judge is a parasite perpetuating unnecessary litigation then the end result will be the death of the host organism.(The judiciary) All we need to do is find the tipping point where unnecessary litigation negates all justice and enforcement becomes impossible.
http://www.theonion.com/audio/american-bar-association-recalls-230000-defective,13584/

http://www.theonion.com/articles/fairyprincess-ranks-depleting-as-girls-aspire-to-b,496/

http://www.theonion.com/audio/reallife-beverly-hillbillies-stripped-of-assets-by,13143/

http://www.theonion.com/audio/judge-orders-god-to-break-up-into-smaller-deities,18327/

Indeed, the metric system is thriving among inner-city youth: http://www.theonion.com/articles/metric-system-thriving-in-nations-inner-cities,458/

This reminded me of an Onion story on America's inner-city youth's proficiency with the metric system: http://www.theonion.com/articles/metric-system-thriving-in-nations-inner-cities,458/ And yes, the first thing I thought when I saw the weight of the kilogram was in question was the effect on the drug trade.

But what we really want to know is, do you own a television set?

How will they get out the liquor stains? I understand the actor was a heavy drinker. Just pass it off as Vader's unique life support fluid.
Other jobs for Darth Vader wannabes http://www.theonion.com/articles/sevenyearold-enjoys-fun-toxicspill-evacuation,1597/

You should try COD3. It's much more realistic. Here is a review: http://www.theonion.com/video/ultrarealistic-modern-warfare-game-features-awaiti,14382/ You spend the majority of the gameplay hauling equipment and filling out paperwork. Also, the Wii version comes with a 17 pound controller that looks like an M249!

From over a decade ago: Taco Bell's Five Ingredients Combined In Totally New Way

I think of that every time Taco Bell adds a "new" item to their menu.

From over a decade ago: Taco Bell's Five Ingredients Combined In Totally New Way

I think of that article every time Taco Bell adds a "new" item on their menu.

Same thing that happened to our razor blades.

Yet again, life imitates the Onion: http://www.gillette.com/en/us/Products/Razors/Fusion/fusion-manual.aspx

My intelligence is growing too fast for my cranium to handle! If I read too many more CAPTCHAs I'll build a fusion powered flying saucer and start abducting trailer park trash for bizarre genetic experiments. http://www.theonion.com/articles/fbi-director-wishes-he-had-some-alien-thing-to-cov,2957/
http://www.theonion.com/articles/texas-ufo-identified,15644/
http://www.theonion.com/articles/vatican-okays-space-aliens,15465/

My intelligence is growing too fast for my cranium to handle! If I read too many more CAPTCHAs I'll build a fusion powered flying saucer and start abducting trailer park trash for bizarre genetic experiments. http://www.theonion.com/articles/fbi-director-wishes-he-had-some-alien-thing-to-cov,2957/
http://www.theonion.com/articles/texas-ufo-identified,15644/
http://www.theonion.com/articles/vatican-okays-space-aliens,15465/

My intelligence is growing too fast for my cranium to handle! If I read too many more CAPTCHAs I'll build a fusion powered flying saucer and start abducting trailer park trash for bizarre genetic experiments. http://www.theonion.com/articles/fbi-director-wishes-he-had-some-alien-thing-to-cov,2957/
http://www.theonion.com/articles/texas-ufo-identified,15644/
http://www.theonion.com/articles/vatican-okays-space-aliens,15465/

http://www.theonion.com/articles/aw-what-the-hell-heres-the-microwalkman-weve-been,17178/

Same thing that happened to our razor blades.

Yeah, Disney decanted the Beiber model from their cloning tanks a while back.

This would be the complement to the Super Monkey Collider, no?

There is something we can do about this.

We're going to declare Justin Bieber a toxic substance.

It gets worse...

USB Toaster . Apparently not.

The Marx brothers' humor does not translate well to the modern day. It's just not funny any more, and it hasn't been for a long time. It was one of those "you had to be there" times. I smell the hint of bullshit on the Marx brothers comment. Are you this guy?

And let me get your story straight - the group that's against more government is FOR more bureaucracy and inefficiency? How's that?

http://www.theonion.com/articles/if-i-hadnt-found-jesus-id-feel-pretty-shitty-about,17883/

I think I read about that Shopko incident in the news!

http://www.theonion.com/articles/five-or-six-dudes-jump-out-of-nowhere-and-just-sta,338/

worst case scenario - there is no change and status quo remains

Not quite. Worst case scenario involves a cult-like user following who won't stop praddling on at parties about how cool and open their spiffy new phone/laptop is. Then we'll have to open FSF Friend Bars, too.

Steeling copper telephone cables for their copper content is a pretty desperate crime - even at the spot price of copper quoted (the thief will be offered far less by the scrap-merchant) - they'd need to pinch an awful lot of it. There are surely much more lucrative metals to steel than this?

Oblig. Onion Link

They figured everybody loves Double D's, so they said: "Fuck everything we're doing six D's".

For one thing, intentionally remaining ignorant of part of the popular culture would make me look like the Area Man Constantly Mentioning He Doesn't Own a Television. For another, even if I don't buy copies of movies, enough other people do that MPAA studios' business model remains sustainable. Once enough things are blocked from general-purpose computers, the economies of scale in making and selling home computers become weaker, and home computers eventually get discontinued in favor of home-priced appliances and business-priced workstations. This arguably happened to set-top home computers in the 1980s, leading to the great console/PC split.

If you don't like it, there is always the opt out village.

http://www.theonion.com/video/google-opt-out-feature-lets-users-protect-privacy,14358/

Don't count your avoided set backs before they've been avoided...

Microsoft Patents Ones, Zeroes

The Onion I presume?
http://www.theonion.com/articles/fuck-everything-were-doing-five-blades,11056/

+1 Funny

~KingAlanI

Dog Has Best Day of His Life for 400th Consecutive Day

Or this.

Don't anthropomorphize computers. They hate that.

They already posted the link further up: http://www.theonion.com/articles/area-man-constantly-mentioning-he-doesnt-own-a-tel,429/

If you want a link to the story, just ask. You don't need to post this kind of stuff to get the link:

http://www.theonion.com/articles/area-man-constantly-mentioning-he-doesnt-own-a-tel,429/

Fuck everything, we're doing five dimensions.

(BTW, I bet he still won't get rid of the slugs from the emperor's face, the garbage mattes around the ships, etc etc etc.)

Yeah but think of the alternatives, we could have had that Bush kid win, and gotten in 2 wars, a huge deficit, lost a great number of personal freedoms in the name of security, etc.

Just look at what the onion predicted! http://www.theonion.com/articles/bush-our-long-national-nightmare-of-peace-and-pros,464/

I shudder to think of what it could have looked like.

(Yeah I had to much kharma, and couldn't resist.)