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LOTR Campout Begins
Rocknalle writes: "As reported on The One Ring
queues have have already started lining up for The Fellowship Of The Ring. Team GladBlad (having placed themselves nr. 1-4 in the queue), are reporting live from the event via notebooks and and cellular networking (9.6 Kbps rules! :-). Visit GladBlad and see what happens when geeks goes outside." The other LOTR news I know of is a description of the journalistic teaser trailer. Salon seems to have liked what they saw.
The other day I found an amusing and informative text file on
some BBS or other, explaining how to make a lifelike, artificial
vagina "out of common household products."
Hey, I thought, I've tried that. (Bet you have, too. Be honest.)
I was intrigued.
The guy who wrote it calls his device Porta-Pussy. It involves a
mailing tube, a string, and a balloon. Basically, you lower the
balloon into the tube, stretch the neck of the balloon to overlap
the outer edge of the tube, then use the string to stretch the
balloon down the length of the tube.
He suggests taping the tube to the edge of a table, kneeling down
and licking it for a while, then standing up and fucking it.
I just tried fucking it. It wasn't bad. I decided not to try the
advanced applications, though, which include sticking a dildo up
your ass and drinking the cum as it leaks out of the tube. Another
time, maybe.
But I did admire his imaginative design; simple to make, reasonable
facsimile, easy cleanup (throw away the balloon). His description
made fun reading, too; "How I Spell Relief." I encourage others to
download his file (called IWACK1.ZIP).
So, in a spirit of sharing, here's my technique. It doesn't look
as authentic as his, and it takes more preparation, but I think
it feels MUCH closer to the real thing. Close your eyes and the
PseudoCunt (this name just occurred to me; snappy, huh?) feels
just EXACTLY like a warm, wet, tight pussy.
You think I'm kidding, right? Nope. Read on, if you're so inclined.
CONTENTS:
1- Registration
2- Materials & Ingredients
3- Construction
4- How to Use
5- Hints & Techniques
6- Troubleshooting
7- Why I Created PseudoCunt
REGISTRATION:
Ha, ha. Get it? It's software. Real soft. If you figure
out who I am, send me some money. PseudoCunt is not
shareware, by the way. It's recommended for use alone.
MATERIALS & INGREDIENTS:
* Cylindrical container (see below)
* Large pot (3-4 quart capacity)
* Butter or margarine (2-3 tablespoons)
* Vegetable oil (just a drop or two)
* Saran Wrap or equivalent
* Spaghetti or fettucini (lots; two boxes)
* Sturdy rubber band
* Several big, firm sofa cushions (optional)
* Your favorite masturbation fantasies in magazine, video,
gif, or virtual form
CONSTRUCTION:
1- Find a suitable container. This is the tough part. The
best one I've found is an overlarge Mason-type jar (about
11" tall), though these are hard to find. Second choice
would be a length of PVC pipe sealed at one end, or a
mailing tube, but it should be at least five inches in
diameter. A half-gallon cardboard milk carton might work,
with clever modifications.
2- In a large pot, bring two or three quarts of water to
full boil. Add a tablespoon of vegetable oil and a pinch of
salt. Boil spaghetti to aldente texture (about 8 minutes).
Any pasta will do, but I find spaghetti and fettucini most
satisfactory.
3- Drain spaghetti, but do not rinse. Mix in A FEW DROPS of
vegetable oil (be CAREFUL not to use too much; use just
enough to keep the spaghetti from sticking together) and
stir well. Set aside in colander until cool enough to handle.
4- While spaghetti is cooling, melt some butter (not much; about
1/3 of one of those little butter pats you get with toast in
a diner is enough). Don't let it boil; 15-30 seconds in the
microwave should do it.
5- Stuff spaghetti into the container described in Step 1.
Really pack it in tightly; as tight as you can cram it in.
This is crucial to success. I use wooden cooking implements
to tamp it down. When the jar is about 3/4 full, bore a hole
down the center with something long and moderately thin (I
use the long handle of a wooden stirring spoon) and continue
packing spaghetti around it, up the brim. Remember to pack
tightly; spaghetti will compress a lot more than you'd think.
6- At this point, remove the rod or dowel or whatever, and
pour a SMALL amount of melted butter down into the little
hole to lubricate it. (By the way, I've found that butter or
margarine feels much more like the creamy inside of an
aroused cunt than any kind of oil; and I've tried quite a
few). Stick your finger in and work the lubrication down
into the little hole. Feels interesting, doesn't it? Close
your eyes and probe, slowly; does that feel just EXACTLY
like a wet pussy hole, or what?
7- Now, use something wider and slightly tapered to widen the
mouth of the surrogate vagina (I use the neck of a wine or
beer bottle). Do this gently, and don't widen it to your
full dick diameter; you want it to be nice and tight.
8- Cut a generous length of Saran Wrap and stretch it tightly
over the mouth of the jar. Fasten it tightly with the
rubber band. Now punch a hole in the Saran Wrap in the
obvious place. (Use a pencil, or a spoon handle, not a
knife; a sharp cut will make the Saran Wrap tear.)
HOW TO USE:
1- Pile two or more big, thick sofa cushions on top of each
other. Make an identical pile next to the first, leaving a
12-inch space between the two piles.
2- In the space between the cushions, spread a towel (or
newspaper) on the floor. If properly constructed, your
PseudoCunt should not make a mess unless you really get
carried away, but it's a good idea to protect against this
possibility.
3- Position the PseudoCunt jar on the floor between the two
cushion piles.
4- Lie across the cushion piles, chest on one, thighs on the
other, dick dangling in the space between. Now, gaze lovingly
at whatever fantasy object you prefer, tease the head of your
dick against the warm, slick mouth and begin fucking.
HINTS AND TECHNIQUES:
* Before you get started, check with your finger to make
sure your PseudoCunt has cooled to the proper temperature.
You don't want to burn yourself. Optimum temperature should
be obvious if you're a reasonably sexually active person.
Push your finger in as deeply as you can; the bottom of the
jar may be too hot even though the mouth is a nice, warm,
cuntlike temperature.
* The PseudoCunt is not recommended for quickies. Choose a
time when you're absolutely certain you'll be alone and
undisturbed. PseudoCunt takes some time to prepare, and a
fair amount of what's called in cinema and theater circles
'suspension of disbelief.' It can't be fully enjoyed if
you're worried about your wife or girlfriend walking in and
finding you fucking a jar of spaghetti.
* Size of the container is important. Make sure it is at
least two inches deeper than your dick is long, and wide
enough so that your dick is surrounded by a generous cushion
of pseudo cuntflesh. You don't want to bang up against the
hard sides or bottom of the thing at a crucial moment.
* Shape of the container is important, too. I like the jumbo
jar configuration because the "shoulders" of the jar where
the neck narrows help to keep the spaghetti in place when
you withdraw on the out-strokes.
* Don't use too much butter. A very small amount should suffice.
Remember that your own secretions will increase the lubricating
effect. It's not generally recognized that grease and oils
actually DE-sensitize erectile tissue. A thin coat of oil on
your dick is like wearing a condom. I find that the absolutely
perfect effect is achieved by adding just a *tiny* amount of
butter, then slathering saliva all over my dick just before
first penetration. The combination of butter, saliva and natural
lubrication that leaks from your dick feels closer to authentic
vagina arousal than any oil I've ever tried.
* Make adequate preparations. Arrange your favorite magazines
on the floor in front of you, or display a particularly
fascinating GIF, or make sure the VCR is cued up and the
remote is handy. One of the real joys of using PseudoCunt is
that it leaves both hands free to work the VCR remote or
languidly browse through magazines, savoring the tight cunt
sucking wetly at your dick with each slight movement of your
hips. With careful preparation it's a damned comfortable
position, and you can just lie there for as long as you please,
indulging as many fantasies as your self-control will allow.
* For best results, fuck slowly and gently on first
penetration. This allows the PseudoCunt hole to adjust to
the proper diameter.
* Don't ram your dick in to the bottom at first. Go slowly,
and try to restrain yourself as long as possible, fucking a
just a little deeper at a time. Each time you stroke a
little deeper, the PseudoCunt is a little tighter, and
incrementally warmer. The sensation is fabulous if prolonged.
I like to keep the last inch or so unpenetrated until I'm
just at the point of cumming, then grunt and howl and plunge
to the bottom and blast my sperm into the tight warmth deep
down inside.
* Sound effects, if authentic, can really heighten the effect.
Porn videos just don't do it for me. Too contrived. I have a
few audio tapes that do, though, and once in a while I'll put
on the headphones while fucking my Pseudocunt. One is a tape
I made by concealing the microphone in the headboard of the
bed before fucking my wife doggy-style (you should consider
trying this; it's incredibly arousing to hear the rutting
grunts and screams of a woman you know). The rest are
recordings of phone-sex conversations with two former
girlfriends -- one in particular, whose panting and gasping
and whimpering as she masturbates is truly phenomenal.
* Shed all inhibitions. Admit to yourself that, while this may
seem truly bizarre behavior, it feels incredibly good. Get
hedonistic. Get totally naked. Or wear leather, or panties
and a bra, or clothespins on your scrotum, whatever makes your
dick throb and ooze.
TROUBLESHOOTING
If you experience problems with your PseudoCunt, the fault most
likely lies in your choice of materials, or lack of attention to
proper construction techniques.
Commonly experienced problems usually have simple solutions:
Too hot for comfort
If too hot, allow to cool at room temperature. Don't get
impatient and put it in the freezer, or outside in a
snowbank. If it cools unevenly, you're in for a very
unpleasant surprise.
Not warm enough
If too cool, place jar in a pan of water on the stove and
simmer for at least 30 minutes. To spread heat more evenly,
make sure the water covers at least 2/3 of the jar, and
place a wire rack beneath the jar to raise it off the bottom
of the pan. If a glass jar is used, you can heat it in a
microwave oven for a minute or so. [This procedure is not
recommended if using a waxed cardboard milk carton.]
These heating techniques, by the way, are handy for repeated
use of your PseudoCunt between washings, unless you're too
squeamish for sloppy seconds.
It's also occurred to me that a hair dryer might be a quick
alternative, but I haven't tried this. I'm not sure I could
maintain a hardon or a straight face kneeling there naked
and blow-drying a jar of spaghetti.
Bits of greasy spaghetti cling to your dick on withdrawal
This is normal. While the problem cannot be eliminated
entirely, the effect can be minimized by several means:
1- Make sure spaghetti is packed in VERY tightly.
2- Use a high-shouldered jar (see above) to help keep
the spaghetti in place on the out strokes.
3- Make sure hole in Saran Wrap is not too large.
Punch, do not cut, this hole to prevent tearing.
PseudoCunt makes distracting slurping noises
You used too much butter, or oil, or both. Or you've gang-
banged your PseudoCunt one too many times and you need to
clean it out and start over again at Step 2.
Of course, if you want to fantasize about oral sex, this
could be regarded as a design feature rather than a problem.
Greasy stains on sofa cushions
My wife responds to greasy stains on upholstery by
immediately dumping a big pile of talcum powder on the
spill, letting it sit for a while, vacuuming it off later,
then calling in a professional furniture cleaner to finish
the job.
I try to avoid stains by making sure the Saran Wrap is
tightly secured with the rubber band, and by spreading a
towel over the leading edge of the sofa cushion pile. I'd
rather not have to explain PseudoCunt stains to my wife.
Fetid stench
Throw away the spaghetti and wash the damn thing. Unless
mold and bacteria growth play an essential role in your
sexual fantasies, repeated use of the PseudoCunt is not
recommended beyond, say, 24 hours. Refrigerate after use.
WHY I CREATED PSEUDOCUNT
No, I'm not a social outcast or a phobic recluse. I have a
normal sex life (pretty fabulous, actually) so I should
explain why I continued to experiment with masturbation
techniques in adulthood, long after abandoning the clumsy
remedies most teens invent to draw off excess spunk.
One reason is simply that I'm a very sensuous person with a
vivid imagination. I've found that I can occasionally attain
amazing heights of sexual arousal when I masturbate. At the
risk of sounding immodest, I've induced some of the best
orgasms I've ever had.
Another reason is that I am aware of absolutely no physical
or psychological reasons not to masturbate, and can't help
wondering if the world might not be a better place if more
people did. Whether they use fists or balloons or spaghetti.
Finally, it provides a fabulous way to indulge certain sexual
fantasies that just can't be shared no matter how skilled and
understanding one's lover may be. Know what I mean?
If you're inclined to give this thing a try, I hope it
enhances your own secret fantasies as much as it does mine.
If you have a technique of your own, write it up and post it
for others to share. If you find the whole concept disgusting,
why did you read this far?
C - A language that combines the speed of assembly with the ease of use of assembly.
:P
My name is WeatherTroll, and I am looking to meet other slashdot trolls.
Digital Divide? The only divide Linux can bridge is the crack of my ass, when I use it to wipe my ass clean.
I work as a consultant for several fortune 500 companies, and I think I can shed a little light on the climate of the open source community at the moment. I believe that part of the reason that open source based startups are failing left and right is not an issue of marketing as it's commonly believed but more of an issue of the underlying technology.
I know that that's a strong statement to make, but I have evidence to back it up! At one of the major corps(5000+ employees) that I consult for, we wanted to integrate Linux into our server pool. The allure of not having to pay any restrictive licensing fees was too great to ignore. I reccomended the installation of several boxes running the new 2.4.9 kernel, and my hopes were high that it would perform up to snuff with the Windows 2k boxes which were(and still are!) doing an AMAZING job at their respective tasks of serving HTTP requests, DNS, and fileserving.
I consider myself to be very technically inclined having programmed in VB for the last 8 years doing kernel level programming. I don't believe in C programming because contrary to popular belief, VB can go just as low level as C and the newest VB compiler generates code that's every bit as fast. I took it upon myself to configure the system from scratch and even used an optimised version of gcc 3.1 to increase the execution speed of the binaries. I integrated the 3 machines I had configured into the server pool, and I'd have to say the results were less than impressive... We all know that linux isn't even close to being ready for the desktop, but I had heard that it was supposed to perform decently as a "server" based operating system. The 3 machines all went into swap immediately, and it was obvious that they weren't going to be able to handle the load in this "enterprise" environment. After running for less than 24 hours, 2 of them had experienced kernel panics caused by Bind and Apache crashing! Granted, Apache is a volunteer based project written by weekend hackers in their spare time while Microsft's IIS has an actual professional full fledged development team devoted to it. Not to mention the fact that the Linux kernel itself lacks any support for any type of journaled filesystem, memory protection, SMP support, etc, but I thought that since Linux is based on such "old" technology that it would run with some level of stability. After several days of this type of behaviour, we decided to reinstall windows 2k on the boxes to make sure it wasn't a hardware problem that was causing things to go wrong. The machines instantly shaped up and were seamlessly reintegrated into the server pool with just one Win2K machine doing more work than all 3 of the Linux boxes.
Needless to say, I won't be reccomending Linux/FSF to anymore of my clients. I'm dissappointed that they won't be able to leverege the free cost of Linux to their advantage, but in this case I suppose the old adage stands true that, "you get what you pay for." I would have also liked to have access to the source code of the applications that we're running on our mission critical systems; however, from the looks of it, the Microsoft "shared source" program seems to offer all of the same freedoms as the GPL.
As things stand now, I can understand using Linux in academia to compile simple "Hello World" style programs and learn C programming, but I'm afraid that for anything more than a hobby OS, Windows 98/NT/2K are your only choices.
thank you.
C - A language that combines the speed of assembly with the ease of use of assembly.
I went camping with my family near Des Moines, Iowa at a very large lake (large for Iowa, that is.) It was so hot that week it was almost not even fun to be camping. It averaged 95-100 degrees with very high humidity. During the first couple days of my stay, I decided to go swimming in the lake. I went into the changing rooms and nobody was there. I almost got stiff thinking about all the dicks that had been bared in this one cooler, damp, and dark room. I swam for about 10 or 15 minutes. I noticed a group of 4-5 boys ranging from about 9 to maybe 14 goofing around on he beach. I finally headed back into the changing room and started to take a shower with my shorts on. There were some showers that were full so nobody could see and 2 communal showers where the bashful dare not go. I took to the single showers. As I was showering I heard talking and figured out it was those boys from the beach coming in. They were laughing and joking around. he got into the communal shower and the conversation turned to dicks, pubic hair, and boners. They must have known I was also in the room because my shower was already running. I had to see them in the shower! So, I got out of my individual shower and to my surprise the two older boys had their dicks out and were sporting some decent hard ons! The others were laughing and giggling. They all looked at me and kinda froze. I said that my shower was not spraying right and asked if I could finish in on one of their empty showers. They didn't say much but agreed to it. This was a fantasy come true. The two naked boys turned to face the wall, but didn't try to put on their shorts. I said that I remembered being their age, but was never that brave to "whip it out and get hard for your friends." One of the other kids said "Yeah, they got big balls," and I said "I think I saw..." I decided to take a risk. I started taking off my shorts and bared all. I was not even as big looking compared to the hard ons I had just seen. All the boys giggled and kept trying to peek at my dick. One of the older boys said, "he seems cool, lets keep going." It turns out the younger boys didn't believe the older boys could "cum" yet, so they were showing them. I spent probably 45 minutes in that shower hat day. The older boys taught the younger ones to jerk off and the older boys came on the floor of the shower. I just sat in the corner with an enormous hard on and waited to beat off when I got back to the camper.
troll
troll
troll your boat
gently down the stream...
merrily merrily merrily merrily
slashdot's but a dream....
Gentlemen, the time has come for a serious discussion on whether or not to continue using C for serious programming projects. As I will explain, I feel that C needs to be retired, much the same way that Fortran, Cobol and Perl have been. Furthermore, allow me to be so bold as to suggest a superior replacement to this outdated language.
To give you a little background on this subject, I was recently asked to develop a client/server project on a Unix platform for a Fortune 500 company. While I've never coded in C before I have coded in VB for fifteen years, and in Java for over ten, I was stunned to see how poorly C fared compared to these two, more low-level languages.
C's biggest difficulty, as we all know, is the fact that it is by far one of the slowest languages in existance, especially when compared to more modern languages such as Java. Although the reasons for this are varied, the main reasons seems to be the way C requires a programmer to laboriously work with chunks of memory.
Requiring a programmer to manipulate blocks of memory is a tedious way to program. This was satisfactory back in the early days of coding, but then again, so were punchcards. By using what are called "pointers" a C programmer is basically requiring the computer to do three sets of work rather than one. The first time requires the computer to duplicate whatever is stored in the memory space "pointed to" by the pointer. The second time requires it to perform the needed operation on this space. Finally the computer must delete the duplicate set and set the values of the original accordingly.
Clearly this is a horrendous use of resources and the chief reason why C is so slow. When one looks at a more modern (and a more serious) programming language like Java or, even better, Visual Basic, that lacks such archaic coding styles, one will also note a serious speed increase over C.
So what does this mean for the programming community? I think clearly that C needs to be abandonded. There are two candidates that would be a suitable replacement for it. Those are Java and Visual Basic.
Having programmed in both for many years, I believe that VB has the edge. Not only is it slightly faster than Java its also much easier to code in. I found C to be confusing, frightening and intimidating with its non-GUI-based coding style. Furthermore, I like to see the source code of the projects I work with. Java's source seems to be under the monopolistic thumb of Sun much the way that GCC is obscured from us by the marketing people at the FSF. Microsoft's "shared source" under which Visual Basic is released definately seems to be the most fair and reasonable of all the licenses in existance, with none of the harsh restrictions of the BSD license. It also lacks the GPLs requirement that anything coded with its tools becomes property of the FSF.
I hope to see a switch to VB very soon. I've already spoken with various luminaries in the *nix coding world and most are eager to begin to transition. Having just gotten off the phone with Mr. Alan Cox, I can say that he is quite thrilled with the speed increases that will occur when the Linux kernel is completely rewritten in Visual Basic. Richard Stallman plans to support this, and hopes that the great Swede himself, Linus Torvaldis, won't object to renaming Linux to VB/Linux. Although not a C coder himself, I'm told that Slashdot's very own Admiral Taco will support this on his web site.
Thank you for your time. Happy coding.
Egg Troll
C - A language that combines the speed of assembly with the ease of use of assembly.
People with jobs report that working between October 20th and December 19th resulted in two months' worth of paychecks!
"Mod, mod, mod...and another troll bites the dust."
geeks goes to Enrish classes..
I wonder if any Krispy Kreme donut shops, or Chipolte grills have opened up next to theaters for this specifically this reason. I would, if I owned Krispy Kreme.
when salmon are outlawed, only outlaws will have salmon
Everyone thank Jon Katz for posting anoymously.
C - A language that combines the speed of assembly with the ease of use of assembly.
Open source loosers are dirt poor. Go flip a burger :)
"Spirit is an object-oriented, recursive descent parser generator framework implemented using template meta-programming techniques. "
Anyone ? What the fuck this entry from freshmeat means ?
Correct me if I am wrong but doesn't this movie come out Christmas? Or are the Danes getting it earlier? If they aren't then...whoa.
I remember all that hype about episode 1 for star wars and people lining up for months in advance.
... too extreme, no?
Was it worth it?
I doubt it. I walked up to my local AMC the night before and bought 12 tickets without problem for a show around 8pm on the opening day. As much as I am for camping, I think that this is a little
Did anyone out there actually line up far in advance for Ep1?
If God gave us curiosity
Oh my God, I just went to the cinema today, and saw the Lord of the Rings trailer. It was amazing! It's given me a new reason to look both ways before I cross the road.
:)
Unfortunately I live in the UK, and we aren't getting the film until December (not sure when you lucky Americans are getting it, but it's bound to be before us
And yes, I have read the books. There's still time for everyone else before it starts if you're not too slow.
I went by our cinema, mentioned in the piece, last Thursday and saw the first ones camping there. So I figured that I'd rather wait a bit until the queue time for tickets is limited to a voice in my phone telling me that I am number 2 in the queue. :-)
Haha! The editors have, once again, blocked my account. Unfortunately for them I have access to many many computers. I SHALL CONTINUE TO SPREAD THE TRUTH UNTIL THE COCKGNOMES WHO RUN THIS SITE ACCEPT THE FACT THAT OPEN SOURCE SOFTWARE IS FOREVER GOING TO BE INFERIOR TO COMMERCIAL, CLOSED-SOURCE SOFTWARE.
PS: Jon Katz is a turdwhiff.
Sooner or later those notebook and cellphone batteries are going to wear out, and then we'll have some inconsoleable geeks out in the miserable cold.
...my horse is ON FIRE!
*runs away to extinguish blazing quadruped*
I think when people keep telling me that American culture is going down the tubes, all they would have to do is point me to this as evidence and I would be pretty well convinced.
Is your company running tools written by ma
is their server running on a cell-dialup? It can't be the slashdot effect, I actually got throught to the site...
Shift happens. Fire it up.
While I usually feel "to each his own", the occurences in the past month in NYC and the loss of somone close to me (unrelated to WTC attack) has made me rethink my priorities. I've been trying to round out my life, spend a little les time at the office, try new things, considering having a family, etc. There are more important things than a movie despite what the studios would like us to think. And this is what it is, a movie which, while it may provide a few hours of escape & entertainment is not enough to devote two months of ones time to view.
A person spends 1/3 of their life sleeping. If the average person lives to 76 then that gives us 912 months of living time. Lop off 1/3 of that for sleep and there's now 638 months of waking time. That's not much. My friend who passed was 34; she had 285.6 waking months of life.
I'll give two or three hours of my time to try a movie and in my other spare time I'm going to take walks, try cooking, see friends, read, work, learn a new skill, perhaps pick up a hobby. I suggest the people on line for LoTR do the same.
Well at least now the Danes can have a new hobby other than "being Danish": Driving up onto the sidewalk in front of movie theatres and obliterating these kids.
---------
Sometimes there's no other way to win, except by falling.
I despise any language that takes the code I carefully and meticulously build and chops it up, changes my capitalization (mostly lack thereof) and reformats my spacing. I think even you'll admit that this kind of hand holding is not necessary. No other language does this (not even any other MS language, that I know of).
The work that went into the editor could have been better spent improving the language or creating add-ins (or anything really). This is one of the reasons that language has never shed its image as a toy language.
I've switched to a language, that supports cross-platform applications (without even the need to recompile). My programs will now work on Windows, Unix, and Linux. And I'm free to make the code look however I want.
This is truly one of the times when Microsoft has dropped the ball.
--
Still trying to come up with a cool nick like eggtroll
What does it mean that the action scenes were described thusly:
I've loved the trailers so far, and even booked a private matinee screening for myself and my programming team in advance, so you know I'm a booster of this film. But these descriptions make me wonder what the Salon writer was trying to get across.
All I can say is that with the release of each passing trailer I become more impressed with Peter Jackson. Considering he's practicly unknown and had $300 Million dropped in his lap I was expecting nothing less than a disaster. But When I started seeing footage I was impressed. Look at some of the camera direction and cinematography that went into some of those shots in the latest trailer. Something as simple as Frodo reading under a tree was given a very artistic, moving camera touch. I've always appreciated artistic directorial styles. Look at Ridley Scott or Kubrick Vs. Spielburg. The first two are ARTISTS, and the movies they make (made in Kubrick's case) each carry the hallmarks of great artistry. Spielburg, on the other hand has never used a very interesting canvas. (There are some HUGE exceptions to this such as the Color Purple or Shindler's List) He gets good scripts and makes solid movies. What will make or break Peter Jackson will be his ARTISTRY. LotR is not a book that could be rendered in a bland style. It's simply too complex, too rich, too magnificent on it's own account. In translation to the big screen Jackson will have to pull out some of those visual tricks to make LotR not only a great book, but a great MOVIE.
If he pulls this off, he'll be considered one of the next great director of American film. If he doesn't, they'll be people lining up to piss on his grave. I sure wouldn't want to be in his shoes...
Slashdot is collapsing in complete disarray.
You don't need to be a Kreskin to predict slashdot's future. The hand writing is on the wall: Slashdot faces a bleak future. In fact there won't be any future at all for slashdot because slashdot is dying. Things are looking very bad for slashdot. As many of us are already aware, slashdot continues to lose market share. Red ink posts flow like a river of blood.
Let's keep to the facts and look at the numbers.
Adequacy.org leader elby states that there are 7000 users of adequacy. How many users of kuro5hin.org are there? Let's see. The number of adequacy versus kuro5hin posts on Usenet is roughly in ratio of 5 to 1. Therefore there are about 7000/5 = 1400 kuro5hin users. Poliglut posts on Usenet are about half of the volume of kuro5hin posts. Therefore there are about 700 users of poliglut. A recent article put slashdot at about 80 percent of the weblog market. Therefore there are (7000+1400+700)*4 = 36400 slashdot users. This is consistent with the number of slashdot Usenet posts.
Due to the troubles of andover.net, abysmal sales and so on, slashdot went out of business and was taken over by goatse.cx who sell another weblog. Now goatse.cx is also dead, its corpse turned over to another charnel house.
All major surveys show that slashdot has steadily declined in market share. Slashdot is very sick and its long term survival prospects are very dim. If slashdot is to survive at all it will be among weblog hobbyists dabblers. Slashdot continues to decay. Nothing short of a miracle could save it at this point in time. For all practical purposes, slashdot is dead.
Digital Divide? The only divide Linux can bridge is the crack of my ass, when I use it to wipe my ass clean.
get a life, bunch of no-life losers...
Way to go! Hey, I think I will quit my job and go on welfare for this one!
...and all I got was a few lousy mpegs, a sore wrist, and a jizz covered keyboard.
My cat's breath smells like cat food.--R. Wiggums
You might try calling theaters which are futher off the beaten path and see if they have campers.
Coming soon, to a screen near you, in Kluge-O-Rama: Invalid form key: AAR1ArWHID !
A feeling of having made the same mistake before: Deja Foobar
First of all, for my rant: Anyone stupid enough to wait out in the miserable cold to watch a movie for the glory of seeing it first should be hit in the crotch many times. I'll go to the local movie theater and do it myself. If you hear someone attacking a bunch of people's genitailia, that'll be me. Taking a line from Lewis Black, "If you know anyone that has done this, take a pencil, sharpen it, and shove it in [their] eye."
Second of all, the Fun Thing: Take a bunch of your friends, preferably the huge (read: well-built) friends with you to the theater a few hours before they sell tickets for Lord Of The Rings. Walk up near the front of the line and subtly slip in line about 7 or 8 people behind the front. If anyone says "get to the back of the line", just ignore them. If they try and get an attitude, get your huge friends to step in (preferably with a "Guns don't kill people, I kill people" Happy Gilmore shirt) and say "Is there a problem here?" In the end, see how many self-righteous nerds turn off their laptops in the middle of playing M:TG, and then step in, so they are 15th in line, not 8th.
The manager at the local 18-theater-a-plex lives across the hall from me and we're really good friends. If I wanted, I could see the movie for free, and without waiting out in the cold to do it. I could also get free popcorn and Dr. Pepper.
Imladris has a several forums devoted to activities and gatherings planned around the world.
Anyone in Birmingham, AL planning to camp out for tickets?
there is always going to be *something* that is going to incite/intice die hard fans.
LOTR, Macs, Linux, BSD, Rocky Horror, ect.
Especially the latter, if you think about it. I've seen it and was somewhere between mildy amused and not impressed.
No matter how much you keep your mind open to possibilites, well, some things you'll never be able to explain...like riding a motorcycle..."If you don't know, I can't explain" pretty much sums it up.
Oh, metamoderators out there, we need to keep an eye out a little more...some fuckwit with mod points keeps modding down funny comments. Overrated/troll seems to be "favorite" choice...puns, dry humor, mixed metaphores, seem to be beyond this person(s) sub 70 IQ. It almost approaches censorship'esque levels.
If it is one person, his privelage needs to be revoked/rebuked, if it is many exibiting this moronic tendancy, it still does not make it right. Lack of a sense of humor is *thier* problem.
Sorry for the rant, it has been bugging the shit out of me lately. Just because *you* don't get it/like it does not mean it is not funny.
IMO (in Moose's opinion, naturally).
Heh, I also had a funny comment to post, but the rampant idiocy lately has made me think twice. Pardon the egotistical comment, but you don't get an additional +1 bonus for being a fricking troll, now, do you?
There, I feel better. Like pissing in the wind, yeah it is a bad/pointless endeavor, but sometimes you *just got to!*
Have you read the moderator guidelines? Well, have you, PUNK? (and I want a Karma: Gnarly option)
I will probably go and see it anyway, but I just hope they haven't destroyed Tolkein's vision completely.
Is it short for lottery? I'm serious...
[Reply to this | Parent]
Although the movie opens on December 19th, these people are not lining up for a two-month wait. The ticket pre-sale starts next Tuesday, so it's more like 4 or 5 days.
-- If no truths are spoken then no lies can hide --
Locked home for over a year, camping in front of his computer, camping in a game of Quake, going out for the first time since forever, for something OTHER than his job, and guess where he's going? CAMPING in front of the theatre...
:)
I'm starting to beleive all those psychologists claiming "games have a negative impact on human behaviour"
--- Metamoderating abusive downgraders since my 300th post.
Damned form keys.
They're always invalid.
I don't know why they're invalid.
I don't even know what they are.
But they're invalid.
And it's preventing me from trolling.
I really don't like it.
I really wish they were valid.
It would help me troll more.
All my comments get blocked.
Because they have invalid formkeys.
Why do they have invalid formkeys?
I want to troll.
Dammit.
I want to post penis birds!
I want to post SUCK ONTO MY PENIS!
I want to post GOATSE.CX links!
I want -- I want to troll!!
Why won't you just let me troll!?!?
When I was a young stripling of a kid it was quite the thing for a group of us to go down to the docks and catch us a few dogfish. We used to sneak out to the back of the abortion clinic for bait and stuff but once we'd landed a nice fishy we'd take it in turns to give it a right good seeing to. Sort of an initiation into manhood, if you know what I mean. In a good evening we'd get through as many as twenty dogfish each; they just kept bursting open.
Anyway, there was this one time I landed a beauty - she was a foot long with golden eyes, and no matter how many times I pumped her she didn't break open, which was quite surprising given my girth, even as a six-year-old (I was a fast developer). So all my friends took a turn, but she just lay there quite content, happy to take cock after cock until the fuckjuice was fair dribbling out of her twat like some spermy kind of thick fish sauce. So I decided to take her home and keep her in the cistern, a bit of a mistake as it turned out.
Y'see, after nine months she'd given birth to this freakish shark-headed baby boy with a human torso and an extra chromosome. What could I do? I'd had no experience of looking after babies at my tender age, and when my Mommy tried to suckle it it just ripped her tit off and she bled to death before they could get her to the hospital. So I sat there for a while, pondering the inevitable, gazing fondly at my hair-raising geneticists' nightmare of a son as it chewed it's way through my grampa's wooden leg (he lost it in Korea but that's another story) and I suppose I must have sighed a little at the cruel irony of the situation.
So back up to the abortion clinic I went, Retarded Dogfish Boy tucked under one arm, and a single perfect tear rolled down my six-year-old cheek as I offered my baby up to the whitecoats for post-natal termination. Then - serendipity! One of the doctors patted me on the head and said, 'Hey kid! How would you like Retarded Dogfish Boy to become one of the team here? We could use a fella like that on the squad!'
'You betcha!' I cried!
And from that day forth, Retarded Dogfish Boy has been a valuable member of society, slithering into pregnant women's cunts and eating their unborn children. The doctors just pull him out by the ankles and say 'Look! It's a boy! A Retarded Dogfish Boy!' And the ladies cry with joy and kiss him on his scaly cheek just once before he's wrapped up in blankets and passed over to the next patient.
Sometimes, looking back, I feel proud. But I supppose I feel a little sad too.
Freakin' campers. Now you can't even go to the movies. They're everywhere.
jeez, just used to be that you couldn't get to the quad damage.
~z
sig?
Look out for those of us into Dagorhir. As far as I can tell almost all of us are planning on turning out in garb, in force.
~~ What's stopping you?
This is off topic, but I have too much karma. Will someone mod me down? Down with the karma cap! I may be forced to troll. Could be fun.
I think slashdot is becoming ridiculous with all these hardcore geeks story...
I am about to unbookmark this site...
Is this this in fact RMS?
It looks a lot like him to me.
(if you want it) Happy Christmas from John and Yoko
Yeah, poor form replying to your own post... but *READ* my post, the main point was *ON TOPIC*, yet, true to form, it was modded as *OFF TOPIC*...c'mon.
Talking about the *draw* of LOTR, Rocky horror picture show et al was and is one of those *INEXPLICABLE* things in life to those on the "other side".
How was that offtopic? Topic == LOTR, reply talked about "LOTR"...off topic how?
Like I said...FW moderator out there.
IF, and that should be said again **IF** my **ENTIRE** post is offtopic/troll, shit mod it as such...this post and my previous were not.
READ the MODERATOR's GUIDELINES...sheesh.... **I HAVE, FW moderator, HAVE YOU?**
POM (Pissed Off Moose)
Have you read the moderator guidelines? Well, have you, PUNK? (and I want a Karma: Gnarly option)
They'll all be disappointed unless they made some major plot changes. I hear they were actually trying to make a 2 hour movie with all those useless characters running around. I pray that Jackson went through with his plan to merge Merry and Pipin as well as those two bad guys whose names start with 'S'. And it'd be nice to see some skin on Liv Tyler -- which is at least a remote possibility now that she's the star.
???
posting anon to preserve bla bla bla...
My question is, who's going to camp out Slashdot so they can be the first to post "Worst. Movie. Ever." when the Lord of the Rings review gets posted? :)
This, to me, pretty much sums up the difference between geeks and nerds. It's a distinction that most people probably don't share, but to me geeks are people who get really excited about a movie like Lord of the Rings. Nerds implies a certain social desperation that might make camping out for a movie seem like a good thing to do.
Not to be condescending, but god damn... those guys are nerds.
If only people would put one tenth as much effort into trying to stop bad laws such as the SSSCA as they put into waiting to suck at the corporate teat of the company that pays for those laws we might not be in such a bad state. LOTR will probably be a good movie, but it's not as important as having Disney/Hollywood control your digital life. Wake Up.
development.lombardi.com
I prefer, non governmental governmental agency in the place of corporation. Hell the only difference between a company and a government agency is that you at least have a choice, and therefore a chance to reduce corruption and tyranny with a corporation.... of course, that ONLY works when people take responsibility for their purchases and other actions. Imagine that! Living by the very standards you wish to impose on someone else!
one movie ticket: $10 (NYC)
one tub of popcorn: $3
production of LoTR: $270,000,000
Gandalf v. Balrog onscreen: priceless
Let's get drunk and delete production data!
..+1 Informative. You know it's true.
Be sure and email Wesley Morris, author of this fine article, and let him know what you think.
So, the Danes can purchase their tickets 2 months early. Come 19th December I will be living in Toronto... can any Canadians tell me when the tickets will go on sale there, where to go to get them, and where the best place to see the movie will be (I'm going to be living just west of King and Bathurst)?
Waiting for Frodo
I'd hate to have to walk pst a line of BO to go see a movie that comes out before LOTR. However the smell might accurately create the smell of some of the creatures in the LOTR books/films so in a way it would add to the immersion of the film.
OH NOES! TEH INTARWEB IS BORKEN!
How about Bert, Gandalf, and Ossama Bin Laden?
I believe Juanita
Middle Earth is in the northern hemisphere (this can be deduced even if it's not specifically stated in the book; e.g., elephants come from the south). And Middle Earth's sun sets in the West.
;^p
New Zealand is upside down. It won't work
No, your children are not the special ones. Nor are your pets.
A story by a South African of British parentage.
A large number of British actors.
Filmed in New Zealand.
This might not be the usual Hollywood fsck-up.
....I'll reserve my geeky pre-conceptions about this until it's released.
I've had openning night tickets for LOTR for a couple weeks now. Last time I was at the theater I said, "Hey Mike, can you score me a few tickets for LOTR?" He said, "Not a problem."
I read at +2. If your post doesn't reach that level I will not see or respond to it.
The only queue I'll be in to watch this movie is the one in Creative's FSERVE on Undernet.
With the success of crouching tiger perhaps this gorgeous french film will be released in the USA. I notice most US films assume their audience can't read (the characters read the signs out loud) so subtitled films must be rare over there...
Maybee he is wik dem c0mp00ter geks, waitink fur den LOTR m00vie.
Mind yu, a m00se bite kan be viry nastey.
-Had to be done-
He didn't, he didn't, and you won't.
Thank God.
DNA just wants to be free...
Shopping at BookSense.com also supports local Independent bookstores (rather than the big chains). Though you don't have to buy anything to enter the contest it seems...
A common attitude of people from Toronto, most of whom consider civilization to begin and end at their city borders because they're so ignorant they've never been anywhere else.
I've lived in half a dozen Canadian cities. I've also lived in New York City, Seattle, and rural Connecticut. And of all the places I've lived, the very last one I'd ever live again would be Toronto.
Toronto manages to combine the worst aspects of both countries. It's got the pompousity and pretention of Canadians but without their gentle and friendly nature. It's got the crime, filth, and overcrowded nature of the worst of American cities but without America's prosperity, resources, opportunity, confidence, and bolder style of friendliness. It's a city where all conversation seems to just be searching for opportunities to kick others in the teeth. When I moved to New York City, I was amazed at how much nicer everyone was.
Canadians are a divided people in many ways, not just the obvious French/English thing. But one thing I found universal among all was an extreme dislike of Toronto and everything associated with. As one Canadian put it, "we should build a wall around Toronto so high that not even ideas get out".
$20 for URL for roughcut.
Well, perhaps not the Danes, but the Brits. (And a flight to London is cheap. *grin*)
It opens on the 10th, I believe, in England, and on the 19th on this side of the pond. My girlfriend will happen to be in the Netherlands at the time, and will be flying to London to catch the earlier showing.
I am tremendously envious. I am a major fan of Prof. Tolkien's works.
You cannot apply a technological solution to a sociological problem. (Edwards' Law)
is in Wellington, New Zealand.
Peter Jackson's studios are in the north end of miramar, a suburb of Wellington.
The world premier is in the capital of New Zealand, not the capital of the UK.
Seeing as I live in Wellington, I can say for sure that the London Premier is the first time it will be shown in europe.
- Kaos games and encryption systems developer
...with a bunch of people who've been waiting in line for over a month? They'll absolutely reek.
Edith Keeler Must Die
that in New-Zealand, the sun doesn't set in the East ;)
...that would be an Englishman born in South Africa of English parents whose family moved to England when he was four years old.
Woo-hoo -- do I win?!?