Mobile Phone in Your Teeth!

thumbtack writes "News.com is running a story that reports that British researchers claim to have developed an implant that could be placed in a tooth and used as a mobile phone. According to the article, the sound would be transferred to the inner ear by bone resonance, and could be listened too anytime anywhere, with complete privacy." This is awesome. Course it would kinda suck if your phone rang when you were asleep.

Comments

Bad idea

[Peachy]

Specially when it's been announced today that mobile phones pose a health risk.

Re:Bad idea

[ocbwilg]

Specially when it's been announced today [bbc.co.uk] that mobile phones pose a health risk.

Yes, but then they've been reported to not be a health risk, and then they were a health risk, and then they weren't, and so on and so on and so on for a couple years now. Considering the amount of "health risk" the average person endures on a daily basis I think that it's silly to split hairs over mobile phones. Could they give you cancer? Possibly. But so does half the stuff I eat, secondhand smoke from bars, and electromagnetic radiation from any of a dozen other possible sources in my environment. Can they prove that my use of a cellphone will take a year off my life? 5 years? 10 years? If not, what's the point? I could use a cellphone for four hours a day every day and die in a car wreck at age 35.

Re:Bad idea

[YanceyAI]

Of course they are hazardous, altered brain cells or not. You're likely to drive into something while chatting away.

Upgrades?

[The Turd Report]

Upgrading to the newest version would be a pain in the ass^Wmouth.

Re:Upgrades?

[sporty]

That sorta depends... if you talk out of your ass.. you may need in installed htere in the first place :)

Re:Upgrades?

[dciman]

Reminds me of James Cole in 12 Monkeys. "It's in te tooth Bob....."

I'm sure they could put a little GPS transmitter in there too.

;-)

Re:Upgrades?

[mjh]

Yeah, and if turns out to be too annoying, getting rid of it will be like pulling teeth!

Hearing aid technology?

[crow]

Traditional hearing aids are simply microphones and speakers to make the noise louder. They work fine for some people, but this type of technology bypasses the eardrum altogether, hinting at the possibility of sending sound to some who otherwise wouldn't be able to hear at all.

I don't know much about this or related technologies. Is there any substance to my gussing above?

Re:Hearing aid technology?

[iiii]

Is there any substance to my gussing above?

No. The tooth speaker sends vibrations through your bones to your ear. The ear is still hearing the sound. Try this as an experiment: press your chinbone firmly onto something that is vibrating, like a piano or an air conditioner, or your favorite "personal massager." You can then hear the pitch of the vibration as it is conducted through the bones in your head.

Re:Hearing aid technology?

[seanmeister]

Yeah, but then they'd have to listen with their mouth hanging open... who wants to talk to THAT guy?

Re:Hearing aid technology?

[Wordplay]

Much depends on why it is you've become hearing impaired. There are three sections of the ear, external, middle, and inner. This kind of thing would only help those with external ear problems, as it still relies on the middle ear and inner ear to pick up the sounds. As it happens, many external and middle ear problems are correctable already via surgery or other medical treatment. Folks with inner ear problems -- that is, those with neural damage -- wouldn't be helped at all, and would rely on technology such as cochlear implants.

On the other hand, I know my father (who is significantly hearing impaired) absolutely hates many aspects of his hearing aids. He has to deal with fit, visibility, feedback from the compact size that places the mic near the speaker, etc. Sounds like this sort of thing could make one heck of a stealth-device for people like him.

Re:Hearing aid technology?

[Lish]

For certain kinds of hearing loss, where the nerves are still intact, a "cochlear implant" can be used. A microphone goes on the outside, and transmits through the skull to a receiver inside, which then passes the sound on to the cochlea (the spiral-shaped bit in your ear that the auditory nerve endings are in). This bypasses the eardrum and middle ear, helpful for, say, people whose deafness is caused because the bones in the ear have fused.

This is my very not-a-doctor recollection of it. Here's some pages on cochlear implants from Google that would give more info.

I think this is related to the idea you're getting at, though it's a different technology.

Re:Hearing aid technology?

[Pedersen]

The sound resonates through your skull; but those vibrations are picked-up by your eardrum, which is a tightly pulled film attached to the nerves that translate its vibrations to sound.

Normally, I don't get so upset at this sort of thing, but for some reason, idiocy like this has pissed me off today. No, the eardrum does NOT translate vibrations to sound, or any other such nonsense.What the eardrum (or timpanum) does is to act as the first step in hearing something.

Sound waves travel through the air, striking the eardrum. The eardrum vibrates, causing the bones of the middle ear to vibrate as well. Now, I can't remember the order of vibration, but I can tell you that one of those three bones is attached directly to the eardrum, and it, in turn, causes the other two to vibrate. Finally (and I'll admit that my knowledge becomes more hazy here), the third bone is attached directly to the cochlea (or inner ear), which translates those vibrations from the third bone directly into nerve impulses, which are sent to the brain.

The eardrum itself is nothing more than the starting point for the whole sequence. If you can directly vibrate the bones correctly, you can create a sound which nobody else can hear.

Re:Hearing aid technology?

[Fig, formerly A.C.]

To pick up where Pedersen left off, the cochlea is a fluid filled snail-shell shaped tube that is lined with small hairs. The hairs are hooked to nerve endings. The final bone in the three bone series causes the fluid to vibrate, moving the hairs, and the nerves pick that motion up. IIRC, the length of the hair and the diameter of the tube are used to differentiate frequencies. I'm not too sure on that last bit, however.

Re:Hearing aid technology?

[rudedog]

You're pretty close. A cochlear implant is typically used when the nerves in the inner ear (the little "hairs") have been damaged. The neural pathway to the brain is still intact, but the cochlea's nerves aren't able to properly send signals down that pathway. A cochlear implant basically plugs into the pathway and sends signals straight to the brain, completely bypassing the inner ear.

Part of the implant is just under the skin. The patient attaches a small disk to his head over top of the implant (held in place by a magnet). The disk is connected to a signal processor, and this is what induces the signal in the implant.

The downside of CI's is that they're only appropriate for severe hearing losses; if you can hear with your hearing aid, you're most likely better off with it than a CI, and probably don't want to risk obliterating your residual hearing by installing a CI.

Plus, they're expensive ($50k) and many health insurance plans don't cover them. Hell, my plan won't even cover audiology exams, never mind hearing aids and cochlear implants.

Re:Hearing aid technology?

[hyrdra]

Normally, I don't get so upset at this sort of thing, but for some reason, idiocy like this has pissed me off today. No, the eardrum does NOT translate vibrations to sound, or any other such nonsense.What the eardrum (or timpanum) does is to act as the first step in hearing something.

Which is good, because you don't know much about how the ear works either. It works like this:

Sound waves travel through the air and into your ear. The pressure from the waves causes a flap of skin to vibrate back and forth due to the difference of pressure between one side and another of the flap. That flap is called your ear drum.

The vibrations cause the pressure inside the ear to change also, and cause the tiny bones in the ear to vibrate. Those bones transfer the vibrationss to the cochlea, a hollow tube-shaped spiral like thing with fluid inside.

On the inside of the cochlea, there are tiny hairs attached to nerve endings, kind of like the flagella of organisms, except when they move they generate an electrical charge that is picked up on the nerves. The cochlea has a tube that is at first large and goes down in size. As it does so, the resonant frequency also does and that's how we can perceive different frequencies. That's why a lot of times people compare the ear's function to that of a Fourier transform, because it is able to take a sound of many frequencies and break it down into each frequency and determine the relative amplitude of each one using the hairs and different sized tubes.

The nerves carry the electrical charges to the auditory center of the brain where they are processed in a very advanced way that even includes how your ear is shaped and depends on it to tune the directional mechanism. There was actually an experiment that changed the shape of the outer ear and as a result the brain had to relearn the new shape and during this process the subject couldn't tell where sounds were coming from. So there is a significant amount of critical engineering here and as you can imagine the human ear is a complex work of art and technically advanced.

Now what is interesting about this tooth speaker (what I call it) is that somehow they are using the skull to transfer the pressure waves (sounds) to the cochlea. There's nothing wrong with that -- actually you can even hear your own body's noises by covering your ears and those are transmitted largely by bone and tissue. You can even hear a very high frequency noise that your nervous system produces when neurons produce a certain response every 1.5 seconds.

My question is that the ear has evolved to be designed so well and so intricately and is a better design than any sound engineer could come up with. Obviously the quality and frequency range of sounds depends on its transfer medium -- for example you can hear many low frequency sounds through wood and all sorts of materials but high frequency doesn't travel well over tighly packed materials, such as solids. The last time I checked bone was pretty solid.

So how are they getting pased that fact, and will it sound like listening to a loud speaker pressed up against wood? I'll bet they have a frequency model of how sound is carried from the tooth to the skull and then to the inner ear, and dynamically adjust the frequencies to represent that model. I'd better hope so or it won't sound too good.

Still though, I can see where this could have applications for those who have had accidents and have problems with their ear drum, etc. Of course there is surgery but in the mean time you can stick one of these things in your mouth and be back to normal (or at least something like it). For the rest of us if the sound quality is good enough it could be the ultimate headphone, but that's really all I see it as being marketed as in the commercial, consumer world.

Re:Hearing aid technology?

[seanmeister]

All I can see now is blue teeth....

Microwave exposure?

[splorf]

I thought holding the antenna too close to your head with a normal cell phone increased your exposure. Having the phone in your tooth sounds like really asking for it. Maybe the tooth phone could do double duty though. If your food has gotten cold, the phone microwaves could re-heat it while you're chewing.

Web browsing?

[haa...jesus christ]

But how will I browse the web if the phone is in my tooth? I guess I'll have to carry a mirror or something.

Re:Web browsing?

[Traicovn]

I guess having a video-enabled tooth-phone wouldn't be much help either to anybody except your dentist or orthodontist :)
I wonder what the regulations would be like about using one of these while you are driving...
Oh yes, and of course, we could now have no idea whether or not the crazy people walking down the street ranting, mumbling, or screaming were crazy, or talking on a brand new tooth-phone! :)

Oh yes, and then of course people would be hanging their heads out windows and opening up their mouths to the sky to try to get better reception :)

E-911 anybody?

[sterno]

Excellent, combine phone implants with the ability to rapidly triangulate any cell phone, and you've got embedded tracking of the citizenry. Weeeee, sign me up! I'm not with Al Qaeda so I shouldn't have any reason to hide, right?

Re:E-911 anybody?

[_ph1ux_]

That and what about them making these things mandatory for enlisted service-men. Every soldier has embedded communications and location tracking device. Makes for quick and easy mass orders - and easy finding of downed/lost soldiers.

Although bad dentistry will become a new torture method... ouch.

Also i wouldnt want this *ever* because I hardly like answering the phone to begin with... let alone having it as a part of my anatomy as it were.

This brings to mid the quote from the matrix:

"Pure 100% home grown human, born free - right here"

Re:E-911 anybody?

[daeley]

Although bad dentistry will become a new torture method... ouch.

Is it safe? IS IT SAFE?

[allusion]

I can see it now...

[zaren]

You see someone getting hauled out the door in a nice white backwards-sleeve jacket, screaming "I'm telling you the truth! I have a cell phone in my teeth! They just installed it yesterday!"

Would you have to use your tongue to dial it, though?

-----
Let "them" know you're not a terrorist!

Jane...

[flogger]

This is really interesting. Lots of uses as we can all imagine. What I find most interesting is that this "toothPhone" is just a small step away from Jane in Orson Scott Card's Speaker for the Dead.

And imagine the advertisements...

[TellarHK]

New Nokia T1, smallest cellular phone ever! Just stick this fan-cooled battery in your cheek so it won't burn your skin, change it every day, and talk gingivitis away!

And just imagine the new acronyms they'd be coming out with. Portable Lightweight Audible Query Using Electronics, voice activated to!

Get PLAQUE implanted and never miss a phonecall again!

Re:And imagine the advertisements...

[jcsehak]

Just stick this fan-cooled battery in your cheek

Wouldn't your saliva constitute liquid cooling? And if so, could I overclock it?

Re:And imagine the advertisements...

[dattaway]

The great thing about the battery is that to charge it up, you chew gum. That's right, now we will have people walking around and trying to chew gum at the same time. The same people that outlawed talking and driving will surely have a field day with this.

caller ID

[paradesign]

how would it work? eye implants? or would it have a built in speech synathasizer?

Power?

[ppolf]

So how would you power such a device? Run a wire out of your mouth? Have an emf field be generated outside of the cheek and have the chip convert it? What about an antenna? Hold two fingers up at the back of your head???

Big Brother is Tracking You

[AKAJack]

Just what I want - an electronic dog collar implanted in my mouth so that I can be electronically followed anywhere I go.

Re:Big Brother is Tracking You

[AKAJack]

Well, if it's in my tooth I don't have much of a choice.

I do turn of my cell phone whenever I feel like.

I do leave my cell phone at home when I go on trips (poor coverage anyway) away from my local area.

I do turn off my cell phone after I commit a crime and have my friend drive the getaway white Bronco down the San Diego Freeway.

Oh, sorry that last one was somebody else who SHOULD have turned off his cell phone...

First hacks

[drew_kime]

* Ring your competitor continuously from 2am-7am before an important negotiation.

* Transmit directly to opposing cousel's head an ongoing stream of distracting nonsense during your testimony.

* Intercept a security trader's inbound buy/sell instructions and anticipate all his moves.

Hell no!

[toupsie]

The main reason I don't carry a cell phone is that I never get a call like this, "Hey, I just wanted you to know that everything is running perfect. Thanks for the incredible job you are doing making all this stuff I don't understand work." All I get are people griping because this or that isn't working which usually it is, but they are too ignorant to figure it out -- power cords are confusing -- does it go in the wall or work better laying on the floor? The last thing I need is a cell phone implanted in my mouth so people at any hour of the day can piss me off with their problems or even worse, telemarketers!

No thanks! I want technology that seperates me from my fellow human beings. All this technology that tries to bring us together ends up biting us in the collective ass.

Re:Hell no!

[nEoN nOoDlE]

All this technology that tries to bring us together ends up biting us in the collective ass.
And now with a cell phone in your teeth, you can REALLY bite someone in the collective ass with this technology!

Re:Hell no!

[garcia]

I have that technology. It's called, "I don't own a cell phone".

When I am away from home they can't reach me. It's an incredible invention, if only they had this 25 years ago. Oh wait. :)

Re:Hell no!

[Surlyboi]

My sentiments exactly, I do have a cellphone, and I
get the same kinds of calls. Now, I can look at
the caller id and see if I want to answer it. If I
don't answer, I can always say the phone was turned
off, or I simply left it at home. A phone in my teeth
pretty much invalidates either of those excuses. No
thanks, I'll keep my option of not answering.

Re:Hell no!

[toupsie]

I have that technology. It's called, "I don't own a cell phone". When I am away from home they can't reach me. It's an incredible invention, if only they had this 25 years ago. Oh wait. :)

Same here. I stopped using cell phones in the late 90s and never felt better. Interesting enough, it has improved my work not using one.

Re:Hell no!

[garcia]

People these days can't seem to function w/o them. I don't see the need to be in touch w/people 24/7. I like the fact that people can't reach me when I am not at home. In fact, even when I am at home they can't reach me. CallerID owns. I use it for my answering machine as well.

If your # comes up UNAVAILABLE you weren't worth talking to anyway.

Re:Hell no!

[toupsie]

People these days can't seem to function w/o them. I don't see the need to be in touch w/people 24/7. I like the fact that people can't reach me when I am not at home. In fact, even when I am at home they can't reach me. CallerID owns. I use it for my answering machine as well.

Ditto! I do the exact same thing. And here I was thinking I was the only person doing this. There are just too people out there and too few of me to deal with them. :)

Re:Hell no!

[SloppyElvis]

I agree with you; I hate cell phones. :)

BTW, It's illegal in the US for telemarketers to call cell phones. If it happens to you, get the company name, and report them to the proper authorities. The offense carries a stiff fine, I believe.

Re:Hell no!

[maxume]

My cell has callerID, it works great.

More importantly, I have mastered two nuances of it's use:
The off button

Turning off the ringer(so I can still see who called...)

So in the end, I only talk to who I want to talk to, it's just that I get to do it from whereever I want.

Re:Hell no!

[rtaylor]

You would prefer a late night phone call that wakes you up to thank you for the system not crashing?

Re:Hell no!

[toupsie]

You would prefer a late night phone call that wakes you up to thank you for the system not crashing?

It would be a nice change! :)

dont worry

[johnjones]

you will need a minature reactor to power the things

nukes in your mouth

or

drink lots of vodka (fuel cells work off methnol)

the health implications of both are bad but I know what I would do

regards

john jones

p.s. redhat knifed the ecos product(and GPL'd it) and a bunch of employee's dont see that in the news

Top 5 reasons against telephones in your teeth

[tjansen]

1. You dont want a cable hanging out of your mouth when loading the telephone's batteries
   
2. You cant see the display without a mirror
   
3. You need a tooth pick to dial
   
4. You cant phone while you are eating
   
5. With a vibrating alarm you could lose your tooth
   

Where's the Mike? Telepathy?

[iiii]

Imagine how it would sound if the pickup mike was in your tooth. But it's not. There isn't one. The article only talks about receiving sound.

Pretty wicked though.

Once the work out the mike issue this could mean *apparent* telepathy. Remember, "any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic."

I can think of a dozen ethically iffy uses. Think: two people collaborating in a poker game, getting answers to questions on the SAT, a Miss Universe contestant could hear the question from a spy in the audience, even though she's in the isolation booth, etc.

Re:President's Analyist

[Walrus99]

Ya, doesn't anyone watch old movies? Its all a plot by the phone company to implant phones directly in our heads. James Coburn is cool.

Great!

[CaptainSuperBoy]

A truly great idea.. and to think, the only thing you need in order to power the device is the patented Tesla Helmet(tm), powering hundreds of thousands of volts through your skull!

How about a boob phone?

[aussersterne]

After all, in the next round of TV commercials, would you rather stare Jamie Lee Curtis in the tooth, or...

I do hope their not serious

[GnomeKing]

When I walk down the street in town on a saturday, I see many people talking on mobile phones...
nothing strange about that...
then I often see a man walking toward me and he's talking to someone...
he's not using a phone...
and no one is listening to him...

freaky?
well, this in-the-tooth stuff is gonna make it much much worse than just the hands free personal kits :/

Kinda sucks

[smoondog]

Course it would kinda suck if your phone rang when you were asleep.

Or having sex, or eating, or exercising, or talking on another phone ...

And we thought carnivore has scary implications now ...

-Sean

Sounds bad for safety and privacy

[dlur]

Not only does this sound like a pretty bad idea from the radiation/cancer standpoint, but think of the privacy problems here also.

Sure it's nice because nobody can overhear your conversation because the conversation is in your head. What about tracking you though? It's getting easier and easier for the cell phone companies and government agencies to track and triangulate the position of cell phones. It's not a big deal right now because if you don't want to be tracked, just don't bring your cell phone, or turn it off.

Now if the cell phone is implanted in your teeth or jaw, you can't just leave it behind, and what sort of switch mechanism are they going to have for this so you can turn it off? I may not be doing anything illegal or even be giving anyone a reason to track my where-abouts, but do I really want people to be able to do so?

Also it's still really not all that hard to intercept cell phone conversations if you have the proper equipment and the knowledge to use it. Even digital calls can be intercepted. Now if some flaw existed in the firmware on the implanted phone, a spy could turn your microphone on remotely and listen to everything you say and hear.

I know I for one won't be getting any electronics implanted inside my person anytime soon, unless someone invents a miniturized beer distillery that replenishes itself automatically and constantly keeps me supplied with a beer.

Bluetooth?

[raduga]

It seems it should be easier to keep the handset in your pocket (easier for dialing, antenna, etc) but put a wireless intradental headset for speaker/mic.

Presumably, a filling in the space vacated by cavities. Should be the best use of bluetooth we'll see...

Re:Bluetooth?

[Quietust]

Should be the best use of bluetooth we'll see...

And it would give a whole new meaning to the name "bluetooth"... :)

For those worried about microwave exposure ..

[apankrat]

.. we offer wired model with transmitter implanted into any part of the body by customers choice (some restrictions apply).

Re:For those worried about microwave exposure ..

[Aceticon]

So, does your product include a vibrating ring option?

If so, will it also be available to install into any part of the body by customers choice?

Very limited uses..

[ldopa1]

I see a large number of problems here:

1) I have two phones - one personal, the other for work. Would I have to get two implants? Then, how would I answer one, but not the other? OTOH - If I did this, a conference call would be a cinch.

2) What happens when I need to change from Sprint to AT&T? Do I have to go back to the dentist? Can I sell my old Sprint implant?

3) So how would I surf the wireless web? (Very big lately)

4) What about programming my phone book?

5) Wouldn't getting screwed by your telco now REALLY leave a bad taste in your mouth?

6) If I set the phone to ring "silently", it might just kick loose a filling or to.

7) I don't think anyone I want to talk to would appreciate me snacking down on a hoagie while I'm talking to them, which is almost the only time I get lunch.

8) I'd have to change toothpaste. I'm sure my Colgate Total isn't supposed to be used on electronics.

9) I don't think anyone would buy it, because then they wouldn't be able to say "I wasn't by the phone." Also, can you imagine some of the phone calls? Phone calls in the bathroom, in the shower, while -um- massaging yourself?

and finally...

10) I wouldn't be able to tell between the lunatics talking to God and a Fortune 500 CEO in a conference call. Particularly with the number of well dressed wackos in the world.

This is by far the worst idea I've heard yet.

Re:Right...

[nomadic]

Seriously, I've already begun to have problems identifying insane people here, with all the hands-free phones. Since I live in New York there's actually a good chance that the guy you see talking to himself doesn't have a hands-free phone...

Use up those holes

[nachoman]

Out goes the wisdom teeth...
In goes the cell phone.

Finally a quick way to fill up those holes.

i want a digital camera in my head

[kisrael]

I always thought it would be great to have a small lensed digital camera in my head. All I'd have to do is squint funny at something and boom, there's a picture. (Or maybe get a webcam-y thing streaming to some huuuge storage device...)

I think I got the idea from George R R Martin's Tuf Voyaging, with people who got the things installed in the position of a "third eye"

Re:Where's the Mike? Telepathy?

[gaudior]

Jerry Pournelle's Oath of Fealty. The executives had computer brain implants, and they impletmented telepathy by opening private chat sessions.

My Grill Be Slugged Up

[jmorse]

This is cool and all, but I wonder if those people with platinum teeth would buy into this. I can just see MasterP with one of these.

Of course, these things might provide cover for people who simply talk to themselves...

Sound through bones.

[halftrack]

This actually works by the same principle as Beethoven composed his music (at least the late parts.) He was deaf (or at least almost deaf) and bit on a wooden stick which he touched the piano or strings with when he was playing.

Real Genius

[Rick_T]

Anyone who thinks that this is a neat idea obviously hasn't seen the movie "Real Genius".

I can see it now - a call from your boss while you're at work:

Boss (in deep voice): "IT drone, this is god!"
You (groggy from all night gaming session): "Huh?"
Boss: "From now on, stop reading Slashdot instead of working!"
You: "It *is* God!"

Warwick?

[Target Drone]

British engineers say they have invented a revolutionary tooth implant.

Why do I get the feeling that Professor Warwick is behind this or will at least be the first person to sign up.

Wake up kent!

[MobyDisk]

This is Jesus Kent, and I've been a very naughty boy... And one last thing: STop playing with yourself.

I'll be very disappointed if noone gets the reference to the greatest geek movie ever made (okay, maybe next to War Games)

Re:waiting

[RealisticWeb.com]

Vibration or not, that is the last place I want microwaves!

Real Genius comes to life!

[phraktyl]

That's a great scene from Real Genius where Chris Knight implants the receiver in Kent's tooth:

[Mitch Taylor speaking through the microphone so that Kent hears voices in his head]

Mitch Taylor: And from now on, stop playing with yourself!

Kent: It is God!

Re:Real Genius comes to life!

[nochops]

Heh!

I was just thinking about that!

(Real Genius, not playing with myself)

It's a good movie.

Testing has already begun in metro areas...

[arson1]

I've been seeing these in use for a while now, usually with homeless, drunk, hoboes. They seem to work great.

It's a secret message... from my TEETH!

[Aexia]

Spoooon!

I had a prototype

[ocbwilg]

I was acutally worked with James Auger and Jimmy Loizeau on prototyping this device, a fact left out in the article. The trickiest part was dialing. We initially settled on using a combination of light taps on the tooth with the tongue to initiate calls, but we ran into a problem. When I tried to pick up women in bars with the old "tying a cherry stem into a knot" trick, I inadvertantly rang up 9-1-1.

Back to the drawing board.

Sounds like a good idea

[brogdon]

Until you realize you have to stick your tongue in a wall outlet to recharge the thing... :)

"Honey, why are you eating the extension cord?"

"I'm meephrbing muh foofphnd!"

"What?"

"I'm meephrbing muh foofphnd, hammt!!"

"I can't understand you."

"I'm recharging my tooth phone, damn it! Now go out to the garage and get me some electrical tape and a case of Bactine."

awesome!

[Dr. Awktagon]

Now I could finally have connectivity for my RectumPad (actually the unintended result of a freak accident involving a Palm IIIe, but let's not go there....)

So .... does it have Bluetooth? *rimshot*

Every 6 months is enough for me.

[Delta-9]

Going to the dentist to have them scrap and polish my teeth every 6 months is enough for me. As cell phone technology seemingly changes with the cycles of the moon, we would end up going to the "cell-phone dentist" entirely too often.

no thanks.

You have been slightly mislead...

[the pogoman]

The news.com story leads you to believe that these researchers have developed a tooth phone. This is in fact not the case. Instead, they have developed the technology to allow signals (not specifically cell phone) to be transimitted to your inner ear through bone resonance. This is much cooler because aside from the obvious security issues, it is much more versatile and could easily be "turned off." I still wonder about how they plan to power it though...

"Essentially the futuristic tooth would use wireless technology, such as 802.11 or bluetooth, to take signals from audio devices such as mobile phones, radios, stereos or computers, Auger [one of the two main researchers] explained to ElectricNews.Net. These signals would be changed into vibrations that would travel from the tooth, to the skull, eventually creating audible sound in the user's inner ear. No one but the user would be able to hear the sounds."
A more accurate story from ElectricNews

Also of interest is this site. It is James Auger's personal site about his research. It was up before, but I was having some problems with it moments ago.

a clue please

[cr@ckwhore]

Has anybody figured out how to dial the implant phone?

"Real Genius"

[faqBastard]

Is anyone else reminded of the scene from "Real Genius" ?

Kent.
This is God.
You've been a very naughty boy.
...
I want you to think about what you've done. And until then, STOP PLAYING WITH YOURSELF.

:-)

It's for you...

[ocie]

I've got someone on the line who wants to talk to you. Just come over here and make a tight seal around my lips. What are you making that face for?

Re:It'll cost you +2 karma points.

[dalassa]

Yes, cell phone in the head was my first thought. Only problem is that the cyber-phone takes up too much essence. I'd rather spend my scare essence on more head memory, or possibly a set of boosted reflexes. :-)

When I am angry

[roman_mir]

I tend to grind my teeth when I get really angry and I tend to get really angry when my cell phone distructs me from some things I do. ... so it will be double pleasure to grind that cell phone away.

(I have to remember to spit it out though, I don't think cell phone is in any food group.)

Warning!

[guttentag]

If you get one of these devices implanted, it will probably be unlawful for you to drive in certain U.S. states.

Re:Where's the Mike? Telepathy?

[elBart0]

It's been a few years, but I've used earpieces that have built in bone condution mikes, and I believe these are pretty common. (we used them in a club I worked in.)

Basically, it's an ear piece that fits in your ear, and the mike is built in. Somehow (don't know how) it picks up the vibration of your jaw.

So, if you can buy this tech for cheap at radio shack, then someone, somewhere has to have miniturized it to fit on the rest of the piece.

And, as an added bonus, it doesn't pick up background noise, so you can mumble under your breath in a crowded club, and the people at the other end can hear you fine.

obvious question ---

[macsox]

is this incoming only? if not, how the f*ck do you dial? bite down a certain number of times in a row?

What the president needs

[btempleton]

I've often wondered if people like the President haven't been getting these installed for a while. Encrypted of course, powered by energy beamed from
something worn on the body.

It would be great, if you were a politician, to have your staff able to secretly say something to you as you work a crowd or a room. You could seem like a total genius, remember everybody's name, have every fact at the ready.

Re:What the president needs

[Tokerat]

It would explain the great speeches George W. gives on a regular basis.

For Example:
The true threat is whether or not these people decide, peak of anger, try to hold us hostage, ourselves; the Israelis, for example, to whom we'll defend, offer our defenses; the South Koreans.
-March 13, 2001

Ohh, he was talking on the tooth phone at the same time! HANG UP AND SPEAK DUBYA!

Great idea, but use as a general-pupose tranceiver

[maddogsparky]

You could have it be a "dumb" device. It could communicate with the actual device a la Blue tooth and just act as a speaker and microphone.

Benefits to using it as a dumb device would include allowing audio communication with any device that communicates in that protocol (laptops, PDAs, cell phones, pagers, portable audio devices, or even cordless adapters to work with an existing device that has an existing stereo headphone or line-in/out jack.

While the article is low on details, I would guess that it would be possible to implant multiple devices that are tuned to the user's individul characteristics to provide high fidelity, stereo sound.

I hesitate at using any previously mentioned technology implanted in your body other than for medical reasons, but this sounds really cool. Depending on price (and the results of safety studies), I would sign up for this one.

BAD Idea. Really, really, BAD idea.

[crovira]

Imagine you're eating pussy or sucking dick and your boss calls, during working hours.

Or worse, you mother picks up the line and you've left your tooth "off the hook."

Or worse, your "significant other" calls.
Just because you can do something, like jerking yourself off with sand-paper, doesn't mean its a good idea.

And this is NOT a good idea. In fact this, class, is an example of a BAD idea.

messages

[zephc]

"Look! A message from my TEETH!" - The Tick

And those telemarketers...

[GuyMannDude]

Don't forget:

11) Never miss a telemarketing phone call again (shudder!)

GMD

insanity vs cellphones

[spasm]

I wondered when cellphones first started to become more common how long it'd be before people made the transition from "guy (apparently) talking to himself on the street -> immediate assumption is he's crazy, followed by the realization he was actually talking on a phone" to "guy (apparently) talking to himself on the street -> must be having a phone conversation, followed by the realization he's actually jabbering shit to himself".

The transition for me personally started to happen when hands free phones started becoming common & the hardware was a bit less obvious. I'm curious to see what we'll start assuming about people who are 'talking to themselves' with no visible hardware when this kind of thing gets common..

Consider the source...

[chinton]

Why would anything related to the British and teeth make me worried? Oh, yeah, now I remember...

Re:Great idea, but use as a general-pupose trancei

[The Turd Report]

Good idea, but there had better be some good encryption and security in place. Or some evil haxor might start beaming 'Take Me Down to Funkytown' in a loop to your head.

The Love Boat imitates Gilligan

[Smallest]

Gilligan had this same problem; a coconut hit him on the head and his fillings started picking up radio signals. Much mayhem ensued, as the other castaways wanted him to be their own personal radio, but he could only hold a particular station by keeping his head still - and everyone knows Gilligan couldn't do that for long!

-c

In Like Flint

[rossz]

Or was it "Our Man Flint". One of those movies.

Re:In Like Flint

[rossz]

Correction, it was "The President's Analyst". Same actor, though.

filtering...

[llamalicious]

yeah, but is there any protection against unwanted transmissions to your tooth. I could see a new "direct bone-inductance drive-by spam" happening.
Walk by a store and get beamed in advertising, right to your tooth-phone.

Tempest

[shawnmelliott]

So the governments new tool to get this signal would go from Tempest to Dentest.

Using a small laser they'll pick up the vibration of your cheek to get the signal... I can see it now

Inside a Tooth? Right... Where's the Power Source

[sleight]

The article failed to address how said mobile phone obtains power. You still need a respectable amount of juice to transmit. Current day power sources for cell phones still aren't that small -- although some Pac Rim outfit has a watch cell phone. However, even a power source that small isn't suitable to fit inside someone's mouth!

Nothing New

[Target Drone]

The CIA has been secretly installing these in people's teeth to monitor their activities for years now.

Luckily my tin foil hat stops them from picking up any signals from mine.

Dial-by-chewing...

[KC7GR]

Sheesh... This could be a real disaster for folks who grind their teeth in their sleep.

I can picture it now... Some poor slob is in the middle of a hot dream, their teeth are going like millstones, and they suddenly manage to call Zimbabwe at zero-dark-four local time.

The person at the other end picks up their phone, gives the bleary Zimbabwean equivalent of 'Hello,' an incoherent curse or whatever, and their only response is a loud snore.

Don't even get me started on where your calls might go if you started chowing down on saltwater taffy.

Reminds me of an old joke

[d0n quix0te]

A german, an american and a japanese man are playing golf.

The jerrys' mobile start's ringing. He starts talking to his pinky. The others are puzzled. The german replies that thanks to MEMS and microtechnology he has a microphone embedded in his pinky and a the receiver in his thumb.

A few minutes later, the yanks' cel goes off. He just starts talking. The others are puzzled. He replied that he has the transmitter implanted in his molar and the receiver in his ear canal. He's got a cel phone in his head.

A little later there's another call. The jap excuses himself and goes behind a bush. There's some whirring going on puzzled, the yank and the jerry peer into the bushes only to find the jap squatting with his pants off. He replies, "I am receiving a fax"

Re:Where's the Mike? Telepathy?

[vandemar]

Patient: Doctor, I think I'm going crazy!

Psychiatrist: Why do you say that?

Patient: Lately, I think I've been hearing voices in my head.

Psychiatrist: And what do these... voices say?

Patient: "You can save up to $200 if you switch to the AT&T premium long distance plan." Please make it stop!

Psychiatrist: Now I see what the problem is. What you need is to see a dentist.

wireless technology

[doubtless]

But of course, it would be blue

Re:Right...

[matrix29]

Seriously, I've already begun to have problems identifying insane people here, with all the hands-free phones. Since I live in New York there's actually a good chance that the guy you see talking to himself doesn't have a hands-free phone...

Ah, so should we give homeless people our non-working junk cell phones so they can retain a measure of dignity while they converse with the voices in their head? Fascinating concept.

Re:Great idea, but use as a general-pupose trancei

[matrix29]

You could have it be a "dumb" device. It could communicate with the actual device a la Blue tooth and just act as a speaker and microphone.
Benefits to using it as a dumb device would include allowing audio communication with any device that communicates in that protocol (laptops, PDAs, cell phones, pagers, portable audio devices, or even cordless adapters to work with an existing device that has an existing stereo headphone or line-in/out jack.

While the article is low on details, I would guess that it would be possible to implant multiple devices that are tuned to the user's individul characteristics to provide high fidelity, stereo sound.

I hesitate at using any previously mentioned technology implanted in your body other than for medical reasons, but this sounds really cool. Depending on price (and the results of safety studies), I would sign up for this one.

One thing REALLY bugs me about this.

How do you charge the battery?
Seriously, the only easy way is a magnetic inductance charger. But then who wants to have a jaw recharger hanging from their lips for 3 hours or more? Contact charging is even worse with conductive saliva. It would be like having a 9-volt battery under your tongue all day. And how long can a battery that small hold a charge? Even if it just transmits to a signal booster on the belt a few feet away that will still suck down the juice on the battery constantly.

The concept is silly and pointless.

If we could have radioactive plutonium batteries that small it MIGHT work, but there is no room for adequate rad shielding in a tooth-sized area.

It's a radio, not a phone

[djmurdoch]

According to the article, it could receive messages. It didn't say anything about transmitting them.

They could probably get enough power just by making it out of some metal different from your other fillings, and using the galvanic effect. To try this yourself, chew on some aluminum foil.

Re:Did no one see Hedwig and the Angry Inch?

[bsletten]

I was just scanning the comments to make sure that
*SOMEONE* had commented on this connection.

:)

Re:Did no one see Hedwig and the Angry Inch?

[xkenny13]

Ummmm, more specifically, did no one see the *outtakes* to Hedwig and the Angry Inch?

I'm assuming you are referring to the implanted telephone headset that Phyllis was wearing, that was ultimately left on the cutting room floor ... but is now available as an outtake on the DVD.

Re:Right...

[NanoGator]

"Seriously, I've already begun to have problems identifying insane people here..."

Ever see one of them talking to a guy named Al?

Stop oral to answer the phone?

[zerofoo]

Great! Another way for a telephone to interrupt my life! If my girlfriend ever interrupts oral to answer the phone, she's out the door.

-ted

More confusion for The Tick

[Stevis]

"It's a secret message...from my teeth."

Stevis

I'm sure this is -1 Redundant, but...

[Tokerat]

...will the phone be BlueTooth compatable?

:-) I had to.

Re:Great idea, but use as a general-pupose trancei

[igaborf]

some evil haxor might start beaming 'Take Me Down to Funkytown' in a loop to your head.

Is that where that's coming from?

Re:Recharger

[matrix29]

Obviously you wouldn't use a magnetic induction charger that you hung on your mouth. You'd use an induction coil under your pillow.
I don't know the health implications of having your head in an oscillating magnetic field for hours a day. Particularly when the rest of your body isn't in it so there can be current flow.

Ah, but there is the rub!
(Uses the jar of IcyHot... after doing cheap Shakespear joke)

They sold stoves like this. The induction coil would cause heat in any metal above the stovetop without releasing any heat. It would flip polarities rapidly and this would cause heat. The problem with this system is if you're wearing a ring or wristwatch and then... OUCH!

The problem with using such a strong magnetic field is in zapping the alarm clock people leave near their beds, their watches, their rings, their braces, their mercury fillings (which should be replaced with ceramic or polymer as the mercury leeches out and causes serious neurological and immune disorders at the least), their shiny gold teeth caps, piercings (which should be removed at bedtime), etc...

A magnetic induction charger would have to have a very strong localized field (like a harddrive write head) to avoid these side effects. Then we hit the issues of battery composition (leeching metals and the memory effect killing the battery) and ionic bleed-through (the active ions in the saliva along with the acids in food will cause inductance drains regardless of how well insulated the battery is).

Okay, enough of that... these concepts are great only when they're running off bioelectricity at the very least (perhaps a few thousand electric eel cells implanted in the jawline being genetically engineered to not cause immune issues) and batteries don't work well in such small scales. I have yet to see a plastic survive the human immune system unaltered by the trip. Ceramic is the only thing which has any hope of remaining functional for decades.

Anyhow onto the piezoelectric concept. It works if the battery drain is VERY low as people don't chew constantly and lots of people have overbites and underbites which means the upper and lower teeth only make contact during chewing. There isn't much energy to scavange there. Even with turning the mouth into an ionic battery (running an anode / cathode junction between jaw and the wisdom teeth - not under the tongue, but along the lip / jaw line) there will still be metal leeching which isn't good for any human in the long run. Sure there is plenty of acids and alkalines in the human mouth, but tapping them means there has to be waste metal ions going somewhere into the digestive tract and body fat stores.

Like I wrote. Nice concept in about another decade or so, just damn silly an useless right now (similar to using VR hand gesture recognition in a mobile workzone while going down the sidewalk). The social interaction issues alone are a big issue even with disregarding the very basic technical hurdles.

BATTERIES NOT INCLUDED

[ZaneMcAuley]

Where do the batteries go? :O

No fax? How do u key in SMS?

Energy Scavenging

[cyberformer]

It could recharge in the same way as those watches that charge themselves using the motion of the user's wrist. There are always small movements and vibrations around a person's body, particularly the mouth.

The big guy in blue said it best...

[Robotech_Master]

"It's a secret message...from my teeth!"

--The Tick, sitcom version

Re:ha

[Grab]

What?! You *have* to provide more details, so we can try this!

Grab.

Dialing

[juliao]

How do you dial a number on this thing? Clack your teeth repeatedly, very fast?

(Does anyone still remember the analog pulse phones?)