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I Believe You Have My Stapler
yack0 writes "After three years of demand and countless calls, emails and letters, you can finally buy a Red Swingline Stapler. Hooray! As noted in this wall street journal article and confirmed by this page at the Swingline Stapler web site you can now pick up a Red Swingline stapler for merely twice the price of a plain black stapler. However, a colleague of mine says that the online order form is reading around $16 for his right now. Now all the cubicle dwelling prairie dogs can get one step closer to burning down the building." The red stapler has become some sort of cult icon at this point.
is black and shows up on radar smaller than a pelican. Only $56,000 each.
If Slashdot were chemistry it would look like this:Cadaverine
Yesterday he had 4 bosses/managers/etc come tell him the exact same thing --- that he didn't correctly stow away his oscilloscope in the proper location; but he didn't cause he wasn't finished working with it yet! Truly an Office Space moment.
Slydell: So we just went a ahead and fixed the glitch.
Lumbergh: Great.
Portwood: So um, Milton has been let go?
Slydell: Well just a second there, professor. We uh, we fixed the *glitch*. So he won't be receiving a paycheck anymore, so it will just work itself out naturally.
Porter: We always like to avoid confrontation, whenever possible. Problem solved from your end.
i was told i could first post between the hours of 7 and 8 pm... sharon posts while she files, so i don't see any reason why... i'll burn down the building.
MARIJUANA, SHROOMS, X: ONLINE?! - E
I'll just post a link on /. and burn down your web server....
Sig? What sig? Do I have to have a sig!?!?
I believe my favorite line would have to be:
PC Load Letter! What the fuck does that mean!!
follow the IMDB link to learn about Office Space.
PETER GIBBONS
'So I was sitting in my cubicle today, and I realized, ever since I started working, every single day of my life has been worse than the day before it. So that means that every single day that you see me, that's me on the worst day of my life..'.
Office managers are putting on their O-face. You know: Oh! Oh!
These comments and opinions are mine and mine alone, although they shouldn't be.
Imagine a beowulf cluster of these!
(This post is certified by me, Anonymous Coward, and is guaranteed to be a 100% authentic beowulf troll post. The reader is hereby advised that imaginization of a beowulf cluster, in whole or in part, or in any combination, of the items in the story to which this post pertains, is fully sanctioned and endorsed by me, Anonymous Coward.)
I work at motorola. Motorola is undoubtedly a huge source of inspiration for things like Office Space, and *especially* Dilbert. During out "Employee Well-Being" week they showed Office Space in one of the break rooms. It created anarchy when people saw the reality of their office lives!
being an afficionado of dark comedy, I have long been a fan of Office Space. I may be one of five buyers of the (poorly produced) DVD. The performances, particularly Ron Livingstone (hugely underrated actor) and Diedrich Bader (almost unrecognizable) make it a real gem.
On the subject of red staplers, why has the post WWII workplace insisted on mono-color conformity? It seems almost a conspiracy to ensure that office workers be isolated from as much visual stimulation as possible. Is it so important that the occasional visitor/client not see a single clash of colors that offends their sensibility? It would not revolutionize the drudgery of the workplace, but more allowances for individuality and color can't help but improve the condiditon of those who must exist in that environment from day to day.
The whole "flair" concept at the Houlihans type restaurant carries the same theme. Even where modern business allows disorder, it cannot be individually expressive disorder, it must be carefully regimented and designed to communicate the corporate message, not a personal one.
The dot com bust has given added credence to those who actually advocate this kind of enforced conformity - they point to a free form, more open dot com workplaces as a symptom or cause of the crash, and are using it to crush any new proposal to create a more humanized, comfortable workplace. Just my two cents. Great movie if you haven't seen it.
THE YEAR WAS 2081, and everybody was finally equal...
I got an old HP Laserjet II you can take out to a field if you want. Although you'd probably be too tired to beat the crap out of it after having to lift it out of the trunk of your car.
Ph33r m3!!!
How come /. still hasn't posted a single article about the passing of Gene Kan, but somehow a red stapler makes it to the front page???
????
You were looking for actual news?
Man, has someone ever lost his way...
When you only see maybe 2 minutes of such content per month watching regular TV & movies, you take what you can get. Personally I'd rather watch Office Space for the 10th time than watch Anti-Trust for the 2nd.
Seemed the other way around to me. 15 minutes of that boy meets girl crap, except it was better, because his pickup line was "do you like kung fu?".
What?
You may be right, bu do you know of a better, more humorous movie that is similar to office space? I thought it was well done, although I could have used more geek cubical stuff in the movie.
although i accept the fact that the movie was not written for me.
Moon Macrosystems. Sun's biggest competitor.
you would be very correct!
"A plan fiendishly clever in its intricacies"- Homer Simpson
According to IMDB the original stapler was just painted anyways:
;)
The red Swingline stapler that Milton was so afraid of having taken away was never actually manufactured by the Swingline company; it was instead painted red by a crew member in the props department. However, following the movie's success on video as a cult film, the demand for red Swingline staplers (apparently as a symbol of quiet rebellion among cubicle-bound employees) was so great that the company began to sell the red Swingline stapler on its website..
---
So break out that red paint and make your own...
"...you can steal my woman, but you ain't done nuthin' smart."
Ancient cultures (like China and India) tend to emphasize on hierarchy and obedience rather than questioning and innovation. When immigrant bachelor developers stay till midnight everyday and come to work on weekends, they set the same expectations on everyone else. Anyone who leaves at six because he has a life is viewed as being less of a team player. Also, important technical decisions might end up being taken outside the normal working hours.
Things only get worse when, after a few years, these same people become managers.
Some other symptoms are (i) dependence on individual brilliance rather than a good system and (ii) concentration of knowledge within a few individuals.
I am not blaming anyone and certainly not all immigrant developers fit the above pattern, but there is a cultural aspect to work and I am merely pointing it out.
BTW, I came from India three years ago.
All your favorite sites in one place!
Actually, Milton and the epic of the stapler didn't originate in 'Office Space' but rather Judge's cartoon short from MTV's Liquid Television progam.
The skit basically showed Lumbherg and Milton having their classic confrontation about the stapler, moving his office down to the basement, and what not.
Judge made 'Office Space' from this skit.
"Where is my mind?"
What about today? Is today the worst day of your life?
Yeah.
Wow, that's messed up.
.sig last updated Jan. 14, 2000
Umm, Peter! Yeah. If you could go ahead and mod this up, that'd be great.
-- Ken Kinder ken@_nospam_kenkinder.com http://kenkinder.com/
Hell, Lumbergh fucked her...
Wow, thats really interesting considering "There was just a slight problem: Swingline didn't make bright-red staplers." (wsj)
Nice try at impressing us loser.
Next time try sticking a that flaming stapler up your ass.
Comment removed based on user account deletion
heh, you wouldn't be in portland oregon by any chance?
waits for fucking
lameness
filter.
Hoo Rah
1q2w3e4r5t6y7u8i9o0pqawsedrftgthyjukilo;p'azsxdcf
Beginning the day we all watched Office Space on the bad-ass hi-res LCD projector in the conference room (driven off a DVD player in an IBM laptop) my boss comes around and goes "mmmm... yeah, ...."
You are wrong. PC stands for Paper Cassette. On some models, it would say UC or LC for upper cassette and lower cassette. Don't belive me? check out your manual.
Moon Macrosystems. Sun's biggest competitor.
One of the silliest little programs I ever encountered was SimStapler from Freeverse software.
Staple away to your heart's content with no jams! Sorry folks, this one's for Pre-X Mac OS 9 and under.
_______
Hey, Peter, forget this article, check out what's on Channel 9!
and definetly one of the funniest. The more i watch it the less funny it is, but it still holds a place near to my heart. Even today, the Swingline symbolizes the oppression and greed large entities can have upon smaller ones. Then again, it could also symbolize how simple pleasures can keep us from burning down large office buildings. And also that you'll be treated like shit wherever you are. Even in mexico with lots of money.
Interesting is also a relative term. That's why you can turn off categories and editors. I suggest you go turn off the humor category right now and never have to see these stories anymore. Or you might want to go somewhere more serious. Or not. But it's of little use complaining here.
AM I the only one baffled by this pointless story? What the hell does a red stapler have to do with anything?
To publicize their new product!
Bring new life to your aging stapler with Stapler 2002 Upgrade Edition! Adds new and vibrant features which enhance productivity!
Personal Edition: Package includes one wire wheel for use with your power drill and a can of red Tremclad.
Enterprise Edition*: Package includes glass bead for your sandblaster and a bottle of red DuPont Centari for your paint gun.
* Installation downtime may be reduced through the purchase of a Stapler Backup Kit, part #6661313, projected availability 2Q2003, which includes one black Swingline stapler preloaded with 100 standard office staples. Availability subject to change without notice. We reserve the right to change the color of the paint supplied.
Fire and Meat. Yummy.
Gene Kan is dead. Got it? Dead.
/. run an article on me now? I would be willing to bet that far more /. readers have seen Office Space and are interested in a red stapler than know who this guy was. Oh, and did I mention, he died on June 29. It is now July 11. The story has been on Wired for almost 2 days now. Isn't it a little late for you to go into this rant? And as other posters mentioned, just because he had fancy cars and respect and money doesn't mean he was happy.
And up until 5 minutes ago, I had never heard of this guy. Why not? Because from reading the Wired news article, all he did was work on Gnutella. Gnutella. Who cares. After reading your post I thought maybe this guy had invented the Internet. People die all the time. And according to the article, "Kan's suicide was not completely unexpected, according to some of his friends. They had hoped Kan was winning his hard-fought battle against depression exacerbated by personal problems." I battled depression too and I'm a programmer, should
Shot in downtown Calgary, where the doozer habitrails are so advanced that, between interconnected malls, eateries, apartment high-rises and office blocks, it is entirely possible to NEVER go outside. (Presumably something to do with harsh Canadian winters. . .)
The film is filled with dark-humor about what happens when a group of co-workers make a three pay-check bet to see who can stay indoors the longest. A rather bent film, with weird-ass hallucinogenic scenes which I can entirely relate to. --Basically, take your time in such fluorescent, filtered air environments, and multiply by 100. Makes you double-think space travel, and that's a fact!
-Fantastic Lad
I have to ask, did anyone just buy a working HC11 then and get perfect marks? I mean, $500 isn't a bad price for a 100%. :)
Read the EFF's Fair Use FAQ
How about a bit of common sense?
Ask yourself this, how many squirrel weddings have you been invited to?
How likely is it that the squirrels in the movie were married?
Speaking of killing hardware, my friend Jason and I make a nice hobby out of discussing various ways of destroying broken hardware and then making good on it.
Thus far he's been the one to do all of the killing, but we plan to one day gather all of our various broken and/or useless stuff for a bit of mass-murder.
Flame it, troll it, overrate it or mark it redundant, but damn, what a waste of news space.
Correct. My LaserJet IIID said UC Load Letter the first time I hooked it up, and I could only thing about office space. I even said "UC LOAD LETTER?!?! WHAT THE FUCK DOES THAT MEAN???"
Good times. I didn't have the manual though, but figured out that Letter == Paper, and that I needed to Load some.
Woe is me.
in certan cultures where people does not get fired too much (hint hint: asian country starting with "J">, it is actually opposite as what you say.
the rest is the same, though (the crazy long hours).
think about it... concentration on knowledge serves one and only one purpose -- job security. however, when job security is a non-issue (or, at least a LOT less of an issue than, say, in the US), knowledge gets shared plenty quick -- because the more you teach people to do stuff, the more they can do and the less (hopefully) you have to do. ;-) pretty neat eh? i think china and india cannot cope with the crazyness because of the cultural situation *and* lack of job security.
anyway -- not saying that other countries got it all figured out -- but at least it's working out better than you are describing in certain places. US work model has its own problems too -- heh... man don't even get me started.
My life in the land of the rising sun.
I have a red stapler and a red hole punch. Whooopdeee indeed.
I'm shaking my head in amazement that this made it to the front page. Obviously it's far mroe important than say, oh, I dunno, how about Gnutella developer shooting himself. Nah, that's not important at all...
And the people shall be oppressed, every one by another, and every one by his neighbour Isaiah 3:5
Is here: http://stationerystore.opnet.co.uk/detail.asp?Prod uctCode=459778
It's RED, it's cheaper than the swingline, it's ELECTRONIC and you can see all the workings through the transparent casing (so you don't need to mod your stapler case)!
What more could a geek need in a stapler?
A pizza of radius z and thickness a has a volume of pi z z a
Conoco (a midwestern oil company) was sold on the idea that they could get their company logo on the staplers and that would help prevent them from disappearing. What a scam. The result was once they new red staplers with the logo arrived, people started taking them home. I suspect 1/2 the staplers at the highschool had walked off from the oil company. I suspect that Conoco ended up buying something like 10 times more because people were stealing them.
Folklore! The 4SIMX in my living room blinks that damned message once a month. Folklore...grumble.
There should be a moratorium on the use of the apostrophe.
Max V.
NeXTMail/MIME Mail welcome
Agreed...I always figured he said "they were married" as a Milton roundabout way of describing what he watched them do.
.wav of that particular line of the movie...
Someone out there's gotta have a
Xentax
You shouldn't verb words.
I'm still getting the same thing now, at 9am EST. Unless my time zone knowledge is way off, it's been a heck of a lot more than 20 minutes.
Please subscribe to see the more insightful version of th
Where ARE they? I would be eternally grateful to anyone who could point me to a copy of the "Milton Animated Shorts" by Mike Judge.
I have only been able to find a few shreds of info on this. They were apparently broadcast on Saturday Night Live in October of 1990 (or 1991?).
Please help me find the birthplace of Office Space!
Thank you, Vortran
Knowledge is like ignorance.. too much can be just as bad as not enough.
Oh come on, you've never seen a site get slashdotted? As soon as somebody finds a site that everybody should see, it gets posted to slashdot so that nobody can see it.
I really hate signatures, but go to my website.
"Has a case of the 'Mondays'"... .....
Has anyone ever said to you "Looks like someone has a case of the 'Mondays'"?
Naw. No. Shit, no, man. I believe you'd get your ass kicked.
.
Have you read the moderator guidelines? Well, have you, PUNK? (and I want a Karma: Gnarly option)
It beat the conditions they had at home in Greece, but it really was slavery.
Unfortunately, Americans, being very provincial, tend to think only in terms of American style slavery, in which manumission was rare and unexpected. (Oh, and no one was really sure what to do with free slaves, except repatriate them to Africa.)
For more information on Roman style slavery, try reading the Masters of Rome series by Colleen McCullough.
The real problem with comparing things to the H1-B system is that there isn't anything exactly like the H1-B system. It somewhat resembles both indentured servitude and Roman style slavery.
American style slavery was really more like feudalism, almost no hope of freedom or every raising your social status.
Of course, it is difficult to compare the H1-B system to anything else, since it is a modern invention with its own rules and peculiarities. However, to dismiss a comparison with slavery, especially non-American slavery simply reflects a lack of knowledge of the history of the ancient world.
All the creatures will die, And all the things will be broken. That's the law of samurai. (Jubai, 1605)
I'm with Roberty Zubrin on this one: with the technology that Apollo produced, we should be going not to the moon, but to Mars. It would be completely doable, and there's far more interesting & useful things there than fuel for a mythical reactor that no one can even build yet. Just to pick two seemingly trivial examples: air & water. A martian base could cultivate what life support supplies are needed locally; a lunar base would have to import them -- expensively -- from earth. Any profit gained from He3 exploration would surely not be enough to counter those expenses, but a martian expedition could, for the most part live off the land and, once established, go on to more interesting things.
DO NOT LEAVE IT IS NOT REAL
slashdot is a forum for discussion. the story is about a stapler, but it was posted because it gives people a chance to talk about a great movie and corporate culture.
reading through the comments, i don't see many that are just about staplers, but many many funny and insightful comments about the workplace.
Posting as an AC for obvious reasons.
The obvious reasons being, ironically enough, cowardice and selfishness.
http://216.239.51.100/search?q=cache:DQJxCdKIbukC: www.swingline.com/b2c/whatsnew/NewProducts.jsp+red +swingline&hl=en&ie=UTF-8
Here is the text:
"Swingline The Red Stapler
Ah, the price of fame. Hollywood took one of our staplers - thanks,
by the way - and used it in one of their films. Trouble is, they painted it red, a color we didn't offer. Ever since, we've been getting calls from customers demanding to order "that red stapler".
Okay, okay, you win. We took our industry-leading 747 Desk Stapler and gave it a deep, establishment-defying, I'll- flunt-my-individuality-if-I-choose-to red finish. Without sacrificing one staple's worth of solid 747 reliability.
The only concession we've made, in fact, is to offer the Red 747 exclusively over the Internet, at least for now. And that's a matter of public safety -
they're in limited supply, and we'd hate to cause riots in the street."
=== The price of freedom is eternal vigilance
Yes, slashdot is ridiculous that way. I also heard about this about five days ago, and saw the thing on swingline's page; Looks like a stapler all right. I seem to recall hearing about it on slashdot even, but I could be wrong.
"You're right," Fisheye says. "I should have set it on 'whip' or 'chop.'"
so if you could just move that article to the end of the posts, that'd be greeeeeaat, ok. Thanks a bunch /.
The Adult Happy Meal - "I'm lovin' it!"
a friend and I took a couple long colt 45s and an SKS with a 30 round clip to an old 286 with monitor...
very satisfying...
Just hit Shift-"Continue" or OK (whichever your printer has on it) and it will ignore what paper you have in there is just start printing. Works every time for me.
http://new.wavlist.com/movies/317/
Yes they did, cuz I remember the thing, putz.
Very slow news day I guess.
It is by the juice of the coffee bean that thoughts acquire speed, the teeth acquire stains. The stains become a warning
My favorite quote of this most quotable film is...
Bob #2: "We're letting go of Michael Bolton & Samir Naya...Naga... Nagonna work here anymore, anyway. Ha!"
That, and the fax machine beat-down...ah...
--G
The only tool you've got against psychosis is experience.
I know somebody on /. has the DVD. Will somebody please just put the closed captioning on and indulge us, please?
/me pulls out DVD and turns on Closed Captioning...
[00:18:35]
Milton(on phone):'...and I could see the squirrels and they were married.'
Straight from the source.
It's not that I'm lazy, it's that I just don't care..
You forgot "boy imagines boss having girl and coffee." mmmm, okay, yeah, slurp.
Yeah. Could you moxe a little over to the right? Grreat.
If you don't understand any of my sayings, come to me in private and I shall take you in my German mouth.
I've had a burgundy-red Swingline 767 for quite a while. VirtualStapler has documented such a beast here. Now, the red 747 does appear to be new, though.
-dwd-
Dilbert is funny. Tom Tomorrow is not funny - but he may be trying to be funny. Scott Adams has a keen ear for workplace idiocy. Tom Tomorrow does not have much feel for how people really talk and act - his characters are overblown caricatures.
TT seems to think that if office workers read the right kind of comics they'd rise up in some Marxist revolution against the oppressors.
The solution to the Dilbert workplace is not some kind of revolution. Rather, go work for a better company. The only reason intelligent people stay in the Dilbert-style workplace is fear, or lack of awareness of alternatives. The best antidote is to maximize savings and avoid debt.
If I can presume to speak for the Dilbert constituency, we are not communists. We are clear-eyed realists. We don't want our employer to be nice, or to care about us, or to provide jobs for life. We simply want high pay, reasonable hours, respect, clearly defined tasks or responsibilities, and freedom from irrational interference. And (knock on wood) I have been able to get these things.