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SCO Says IBM is Beating Up on Them
SCO's McBride claims that IBM is stage-managing all the attacks and bad press, which would probably explain why I cleared this article with IBM World Headquarters before running it (not!). The publisher of Linux Journal invites SCO to sue. One of SCO's lawyers has this barely coherent interview where he spouts legal rubbish for a gullible reporter. There's an interview in German (machine translation) with SCO's execs. And finally, SCO is still hoping for a settlement with IBM. Update: 08/22 18:26 GMT by M : ESR responds.
Boo fucking hoo.
They'll beat you up and steal your $699 in lunch money.
Hi, I've got a bridge for sale.
Call me,
Darl
did you guys get your checks from IBM today? My hourly on posting anti-SCO stuff has gone through the roof!
Remember, it's not paranoia if they really are all out to get them.
And we are.
"You don't have any...*objections* to signing that, do you...my son?"
Fuck Slashdot
Whoh! 24 hours without an SCO story!
I wasn't sure if I would make it!
-B
I can't decide which is funnier - the point about IBM orchestrating all the outrage, or the point that SCO is somehow more "relevant" to the tech community because they've filed a bunch of press releases!
Thanks, Darl - it's good to kick off the weekend with a good laugh...
Stop by my site where I write about ERP systems & more
IBM paid me $699 to criticise SCO ;););)
SCO sucks donkey balls! This post sponsored by IBM.
SCO, technologically relevant?
McBride proudly dumped two phone-book-sized binders of press clippings on the stage during his SCO Forum keynote on Monday as proof that his company had become more relevant in the high technology industry. SCO has issued 46 press releases since filing suit against IBM on March 7. Last year it issued only 29 press releases between March and August.
What is the sound of one hand slapping?
More precisely, what is the sound of an 800 lb. gorilla's one hand slapping?
Or, to be even more exact, what is the sound of an 800 lb. gorilla's one hand slapping an annoying monkey silly?
My friends, it is the sound of delicious justice.
And that other noise? That's the sound of a house of cards beginning to collapse.
Thomas Galvin
Check this Story, SCO claims it owns so many lines on Linux Kernel that if they are removed, it will COLLAPSE!!!
I for one welcome SCO's new IBM overlords ... in fact, I like 'em so much I wish for a GRID of them!
Infuriate left and right
And finally, SCO is still hoping for a settlement with IBM.
I bet they are;)
"As a writer / novelist you might want to spellcheck your sig.
I have started printing out SCOs press releases so I can save them and spread them on my garden for next year. Normally I would have to pay top dollar for bullshit that rich and strong.
I want a new quote. One that won't spill. One that don't cost too much. Or come in a pill.
You know, after the dot-com bust, I wondered where all those "visionaries" went. You know, the ones who could charm millions of American Dollars from venture capitalists and day-trading shareholders with nothing more than a bottle of snake oil and a press release.
I guess I found them:
McBride proudly dumped two phone-book-sized binders of press clippings on the stage during his SCO Forum keynote on Monday as proof that his company had become more relevant in the high technology industry. SCO has issued 46 press releases since filing suit against IBM on March 7. Last year it issued only 29 press releases between March and August.
Here I was, worried about unemployment among the "visionary entrepreneur" community. They're working for SCO! And just look at those results -- they've had a 58% increase in press release generation in just one year! I'm so glad to see that they've landed on their feet.
Too bad the rug's about to get yanked out from under them again.
Stressed? Me? Of course not. Stress is what a rubber band feels before it breaks, silly.
Kickin' it old school, bringing not back. Party on dude!
> IBM can put this on a slow track [with additional legal moves]. But IBM might be throwing hard balls to [get ready] for the soft pitch [to settle]... Every month we keep finding more and more [Linux code that violates our Unix System contract]. We'd want a settlement and royalty [on Linux] going forward.
"People who speak in metaphors can shampoo my crotch" --Jack Nicholson
Darl McBride: I claim all of Linux for SCO
Linux Programmers: Excuse me?
Darl McBride: For the glory of SCO . . .
Linux Programmers: You can't claim Linux. We wrote it.
Darl McBride: Do you have a copyright?
Linux Programmers: We don't need a copyright. We wrote it and we have the GPL.
Darl McBride: No copyright. No ownership. These are the rules that I just made up. And I'm backing it up with these lawsuits given to me by the law firm of Boies, etc.
Well, there's spam egg sausage and spam, that's not got much spam in it.
Maybe we should sue IBM for not paying us...
IBM spokeswoman Trink Guarino declined to comment on McBride's allegations other than to say, "the open community is completely capable of reacting on its own to SCO's allegations."
In a related story, Darl's vegetable garden was eaten. McBride suspects IBM rabbits were the culprit.
;-)
He calculated the number of supporters in the "silent majority" using the same new math he used to determine that there were over a million lines of copied code in the Linux kernel.
I want a new quote. One that won't spill. One that don't cost too much. Or come in a pill.
this story is really from the IBM-public-relations dept.
You know these editors... they're always screwing something up.
SCO Says IBM is Beating Up on Them.
Tech industry says: GO IBM!
Outdoor digital photography, mostly in New Engl
Darl: "they (IBM) have Eric Raymond on their payroll.":
No, Eric is attacking SCO because he wants crush them. He wants to see them driven before him, and to hear the lamentations of their women.
To quote Darl "We have absolute direct knowledge of this. If you go behind the scenes, the attacks that we get that don't have IBM's name on them, underneath the covers, are sponsored by IBM," McBride said.
I wonder how many Bothans died to get them this information.
http://pyrll.ibm.com/rewardprograms/scobounty/reba teform.html is where I applied. I think they're paying quite generously for posts on message boards and even more if you have access to an authoritative-looking website. Now's your chance to use those 31337 h0x0ring sk1lz for big bux!
--
Send us your Linux Sysadmin articles.
Geeky modern art T-shirts
she'll fall off.
From the first article (not that it matters):
..."
"McBride declined to reveal the sources of his allegations,
Anyone have a guess as to who these McBride sources are? My hunch is Miss Cleo.
Look out honey, 'cause I'm using technology; Ain't got time to make no apology
This is a little different. Elementry school dorks are stealing their lunches. The kindergardeners are getting in good punches. Soon, we're going to send in the diaper wearing users who accidentatly bought lindows computers from walmart.
-=fshalor
ok, ok, old joke, but I just couldn't resist how he's so proud of his 40+ releases.
AC comments get piped to
Agreed. Why the hell would any company want to stick their hand in a hornets' nest like SCO did anyway? Linus must be right!
"Hundreds of customers like and use SCO's Unix products."
I think that is a pretty good example of have "relevant" SCO is... This is like the director (?producer, someone else) of Gigli getting quoted as saying "I've seen worse movies [than Gigli]"
I'm sorry, isn't that supposed to be
C.U.N.T. (Can't Use Normal Thinking)
Maybe I'm confused... Oh, well that wouldn't be anything new.
'And all the monkeys aren't in the zoo Every day you meet quite a few...'
McBride: That's like if someone comes into your house while you're sleeping, takes your jewels, and as you start chasing them down...
I'm no expert, but having dreams about about somebody cutting your balls off and running off with them doesn't sound good to me!
"There are people who do not love their fellow human being, and I _hate_ people like that!" - Tom Lehrer
We. We are out to get them.
US Democracy:The best person for the job (among These pre-selected choices...)
Well, at least Mohammed Saeed al-Sahaf has a job now...
Q: Why are SCO suing everyone?
A: SCO is run by a bunch of vicious, lying, cowardly, greedy, sociopathic lawyers.
Q: Why is IBM being so slow to respond?
A: IBM is still coming to terms with the fact that a company such as SCO would be so entirely suicidal and stupid. They are not used to dealing with complete and utter morons.
Q: Do SCO's actions present a danger to the Linux and OSS community?
A: Yes, a sociopathic killer who hates you can present a danger. He might just get lucky with that ax he is waving.
Q: Are SCO doing this for the money, for the shares?
A: SCO's executives will end up in prison getting midnight visits from large violent criminals. But that kind of logic never stopped a sociopath before.
Q: How can I defend myself from SCO?
A: This would be a good time to move to Texas and get a larger gun.
Q: Does SCO have any valid arguments at all?
A: Strictly speaking, all arguments have equal merit when digested by stupid and possibly corrupt members of the press, as government ministries of disinformation have shown over the centuries. SCO remain, however, a stinkin' bunch of evil mutant fiends, and everthing they say should be taken to be concentrated pranoid drivel.
Q: Who stands to gain from this circus?
A: Entertainment is good for everyone, and it has been a slow summer, so SCO is actually contributing to the mental well-being of many people with their daily antics. For this we should be grateful. If you mean financial gain, the only party who stands to gain is Microsoft, who enjoy watching people attack the GPL and Free Software, because these represent a way of life that is entirely incompatible with its own.
Q: Could Microsoft actually be behind SCO?
A: Is George Bush the President of the US? OK, poor comparison. Yes, of course they are. Even evil, corrupt, whore-mongering, cocaine-sniffing running dogs like SCO's executives have a sense of self-interest and only leap into dark holes when they know they will be paid well for it.
Q: How is Microsoft paying SCO, then?
A: It only has to pay the executives. SCO is a publicly traded company. I presume MS is offering the SCO legal eagles direct and indirect financial support, promises of future comfort, what have you. There are so many ways...
Q: Should I be buying SCO shares?
A: YES, and if you do, I also have some very nice shares in a brand-new satellite network called Iridium that might interest you. They are sure to do amazing things!!
Ceci n'est pas une signature
Kindness is the language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see. - Mark Twain
Interviewer: Mr. McBride, how tall are you?
McBride: (answers)
Interviewer: Gee, I didn't know you could pile shit that high.
On a side note, I had to defend McBride the other day, when someone said he wasn't fit to sleep with a pig. I said, "That's not true".
I fear that once SCO is dead and buried, /. nerds will fall in the biggest black hole ever found.
Depression will be their part, afterall what to discuss/flame/hate/ridicule now?
SCO, please don't go down. We need you for our daily laughter.
$HighSchoolGirl_1 : Tony said that in 3rd period Kelly saw Suzy and Sharon talking about Darl McBride passing notes in English class to Mark Heise!!!1!1!!
$HighSchoolGirl_2 : Yeah, I know! The teacher caught them and read the note out loud before the class.
$HSG_1 : Like, what'd it say?!?!!11!
$HSG_2 : Well, I wasn't there, but Marcy said her friend was there, and Darl was like, "Hey Mark, we ro0l, and IBM sux0rs," and Mark was like, "Yeah, we should kick IBM's ass and take all their IP," and Mark was like "Those dirty linux-using geeks are messing up our plan, too," and Mark was like, "Yeah, I hate those damn hippies," and Darl was like, "We need to start our own web page so we can out IBM to everyone," and Mark was like "Yeah!!11! I can put it up on my 486DX at home! My parents got dialup, but it's 56k and shit. I've got this k-rad script that auto redials!"
$HSG_1 : No. They didn't really say that, did they?!1!one!?
$HSG_2 : YES. They. DID!!1! I think IBM and a few of their friends are going to meet up with Darl and Mark out in the parking lot after school...
-- I'd say your post was about 3 monkeys, 18 minutes.
Federal Copyright guarantees the client/purchaser/licensee the right to make a backup of the software involved. Design requirement:
The GPL guarantees that you can make as many copies as you desire. In effect:
SCO just can't grasp the basic numeric theory needed to understand that all federal law makes illegal is:
I do not fail; I succeed at finding out what does not work.
Don't let the keyboard layout fool you, you aren't typing on a Selectric. That is an enter key, not a carriage return.
The advent of Gigahertz computing has allowed for automatic, window proportional word wrap in real time.
So please, please, quit fighting the fucking system.
-Peter
http://welovethescoinformationminister.org/
(Mirrors encouraged, to offset the dread Slashdot Effect.)
The scene, Dredrick Tatum, world heavyweight boxing champion is lecturering the class on staying in school, when nelson muntz becomes chemically attracted to Tatum as a bullying target after Lisa swabs tatum with sweat...
Nelson: I can't help myself. [punches Tatum]
Tatum: Young man, I insist that you desist.
Nelson: Sorry. [continues punching] I'm so sorry. [near tears, he runs behind Tatum and gives him a wedgie] Please don't hurt me.
Tatum: [rolling up his sleeve] You leave me little recourse.
Source: http://www.snpp.com/episodes/CABF11
I think there's a lesson in this for all of us.
"Hundreds of customers like and use SCO's Unix products."
That's sure a lot of satisfied customers (cough).
"I've been sending Linus emails describing my paranoid delusions, but he doesn't believe me. He's obviously an idiot."
Heh. I wonder if the Flat Earth Society is in need of a new CEO. I think that Darl's SCO gig is going to end Real Soon Now.
That's "Mr. Soulless Automaton" to you, Bub.
-Dave
Come on, Darl, you go out and yank on the dragon's tail and you didn't expect the dragon to turn around and smoke your sorry ass? I swear, McBride & Co. must be either incredibly stupid, categorically insane, taking heavy psycotropic drugs or all three. Hell, I'm surprise the major TV networks haven't made this into a new reality TV series; it's a lot more interesting, funnier, and the only thing missing is the sex.
It's all fun and games until someone loses the key to the handcuffs.
"We have absolute direct knowledge of this. If you go behind the scenes, the attacks that we get that don't have IBM's name on them, underneath the covers, are sponsored by IBM," McBride said.
What a pin-head.
(Okay IBM. Same bank account.)
The race isn't always to the swift... but that's the way to bet!
No, we don't hate those people. And we certainly don't want to mash the SCO executives into a bloody pulp, either. Nor would we want to keep their body parts in our freezers. No. Hate is such a strong word.
Let us put aside any negative feelings we might have toward them and simply put flame to some feces on their doorsteps.
No, no. cunts are useful, fun to play with, etc. :-) McBride's an asshole - the only thing that comes out of him is shit.
:-) especially the guy at goatse.
Some people think assholes are useful, fun to play with, etc.
but McBride is really a pile of rotten, 5 days old, shit...
Overuse of the Pumping Lemma causes blindness
No, no no...
Hartman: How tall are you private SCOwboy?
McBride: SIR 5 FOOT 9 SIR!
Hartman: 5 foot 9? I didn't know they stacked shit that high! - you tryin' to squeeze an inch in on me?
Send lawyers, guns, and money!
We could even call is "The SCO Strategy".
Considering the inevitable consequences of the strategy, I'd rather refer to it as "SCOicide".
I happen to like the name "Darl". Be prepared to be sued for slander.
Darl McBride
Chief Executive Officer
Caldera International, Inc.
On a side note, I had to defend McBride the other day, when someone said he wasn't fit to sleep with a pig. I said, "That's not true".
Yes, I'm not saying I wouldn't cross the street to spit on him if he were dying in the gutter.
I would, of course, consider it my duty.
Where can I invest in the Utah crack industry? It must be going through the roof there!
"I would like you to know that I am sitting here in the smallest room in the house.
I have your latest press release in front of me.
Soon it will be behind me."
(Shamelessly ripped off from either Max Reger or George Bernard Shaw, depending on who you ask.)
Someone you trust is one of us.
The bucket!
"I don't think Linus' comment that "they are smoking crack" really covered it"
Here's how I could see that party going down:
Partying SCO guy #1: Dude, slow down! I can't even believe you are still standing after washing down all those methamphetamines with that that Jack Daniels
Darl McBride: Oh come on! I can handle my hard liquor... and my uppers... and the shrooms! Hey, is that a crack pipe over there?
Partying SCO guy #2: No, seriously, you're either going to die or do something seriously stupid if you keep it up...
Darl McBride: Naw! I'll be okay. Light me up!
***several moments later***
Darl McBride: Hey, I got an idea, let's sue IBM! We can make up some outrageous shit about them stealing UNIX code!
Partying SCO guy #1: Yeah, we could get like... like... a hundred thousand dollars or something!!!11!
***fade out***
Slashdot still doesnâ(TM)t support Unicode after it was added to the HTML standard in 1997.
experimental audiovideo minimalism: Rebuild All Your Ruins
I think SCO should hire the Iraqi Information Minister to spread propaganda. A portfolio of the Minister's work is available here
Here are some sample answers he could be giving in an interview:
Question: What do you think are your chances of winning a lawsuit against an industry giant like IBM?
"We are not afraid of [IBM]. Allah has condemned them. They are stupid. They are stupid" (dramatic pause) "and they are condemned."
"I can say, and I am responsible for what I am saying, that they have started to commit suicide under the walls of [the courts]. We will encourage them to commit more suicides quickly."
"My feelings - as usual - we will slaughter them all"
Question: Could you elaborate on the perceived media attacks being launched against SCO?
"I blame Al-Jazeera - they are marketing for [IBM]!"
"Lying is forbidden in [SCO]. President [McBride] will tolerate nothing but truthfulness as he is a man of great honor and integrity. Everyone is encouraged to speak freely of the truths evidenced in their eyes and hearts."
Question: What do you think will be a result of your lawsuit against Linux users?
"Our estimates are that none of them will come out alive unless they surrender to us quickly."
"We will welcome them with [lawsuits] and shoes."
"Let the [Linux] infidels bask in their illusion"
"There is no spoon." - The Matrix
Come on, guys, pigs are sensitive, intelligent creatures. Some say they're as smart as dogs. And, they have far too much personal dignity to sleep with Darl. They might devour him, of course, as anyone who's seen the movie "Snatch" can attest. But sleep with him??? Gawd, no.
Farewell! It's been a fine buncha years!
For years we have been inundated with stories of the secret power of blackhat hackers by the "unbiased" media. A lot of these uber-powerful computer hackers were rumored to be Linux zealots. Now McBride has the Linux community pissed at him.
How come he hasn't had?
I'll tell you why, those stories about black hat hackers were myths, and I submit this as evidence.
I used to wonder what was so holy about a silent night, now I have a child.
It shouldn't be a Caldera logo anymore anyway. I think a picture of someone shooting themself in the foot is much more apropos :-)
DO NOT LEAVE IT IS NOT REAL
PRO-SCO
Sounds nasty. Is there a cure for it yet?
I hope it's not contagious!
Isn't this a common feature of all lawyers?
http://erichsieht.wordpress.com/category/english/
It's all a part of this vast right-wing conspiracy. And it's vast. It's so vast you can't even imagine. I'll even bet the goat sex boy is involved.
. Quit playing Monopoly with Bill. Switch to one of many non-Microsoft products today.
do you ever get that desire to just mod SCO down to troll? i mean, they might as well be a user here!
"Other bands play, but Manowar KILLS"