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Finally ... RoboShark!
Noryungi writes "Cousteau's grandson has built a robotic replica of a great white shark to better observe these animals in their natural environment. The robot-slash-submarine is able to mingle with the great white, and not draw their attention, thanks to a closed-circuit pneumatic propulsion system and cleverly disguised cameras. Do not miss the nice pictures next to the Wired article. Let the Dr Evil joke begin!"
It will probably be teased for being a vegetarian too.
However the scariest part is when the real sharks kidnaps this roboshark, and one of them disguises and returns to the base...
Rock that crushes, Paper & Scissors that don't matter.
Good one Noryungi! I'm sure there were tons of us slashdotters who were saving up their wit and creativity for a post like this.
I imagine there are slashdotters out there who have mountains of In Soviet Russia, Old Korean People, Sharks with Friggin Lasers, goatse, and Microsoft Trolls just WAITING to be unleashed. It's been a long time since we could use the Sharks with Friggin Lasers troll/joke, so this would have been a perfect story to use it...
But what do you do? You give the goahead for us to make the joke! You killed the surprise! You made all those trolls out there look... *gasp* unoriginal! This will not stand!
Now, all those posts will be -1 Troll instead of +5 Funny! You killed slashdot culture! You bastard! Timothy, quick! Do something! Censor him! Anything!
----
On another note... the article tickled me to no end as Cousteau referred to the shark kind of like a "retarded cousin from Australia." I wonder what the Aussies have to say about this. How about a comment there, Steve Irwin? Too busy with that crockie? No worries.
/^[A-Z0-9._%+-]+@[A-Z0-9.-]+\.[A-Z]{2,4}$/i
"My dad put his robot penis in my mom's shark vagina!"
Interesting articles. I wonder how they made Jaws now. Puppets?!
Let the Dr Evil joke begin!"
Yes interesting article but I stil see no frikin laser beams attatched to their heads!
Forget your namby pamby laser-free sharks.
You want one of these!
http://www.innespace.com/
sweeeeeeet.
I am a leaf on the wind
Yes, but does it come with a freakin' laserbeam mounted on its head?
"It's extremely innovative" said Cousteau. "It's a 1,200-pound tool that looks, feels and moves like a great white shark."
1,200 pounds is pretty big no matter how you look at it. And on top of that it moves with no engine noise or bubbles. It pushes through a 120-cubic-foot cylinder to move.
This definatly sounds like an improvement from the robotic shark used in the Jaws movies. I hate to be the one stuck filming with the thing if it malfunctions.
However, if the sub goes kablooey, Cousteau can eject through an escape hatch in the shark's head.
Only to be eaten by a hungry Great White.*
*One would be suprised how the Great White is really looked at competely the wrong way. The reason for the wrap of the bad name (besides Jaws) is the problem with their way of satisfying their curiousity. As humans have a habit of touching things they are curious about with their fingers sharks satisfy it by biting. Their bite is meant only as a touch but with thousands of razor sharp teeth it can also be deadly. I've seen divers who swim with full size (17 feet) Great Whites without a cage and escape harmless.
I'm a virgo and on Slashdot. Coincidence? Yes.
Crunchy on the outside, humanie on the inside!
It's old news- Dr Evil's underlings already did that.
I’m old enough to remember 16K of memory being described as “whopping”
Cousteau's grandson was eaten. The suits manufacturer says that the wearing of the suit and being ingested by another animal is purely conicidental.
Dear aunt, let's set so double the killer delete select all
Man goes into cage, cage goes into salsa, shark's in the salsa, robo shark.
It's true no man is an island, but if you take a bunch of dead guys and tie 'em together, they make a good raft.
I think Tintin jokes would be more worthwhile. Red Rackham's Treasure here we come!
...not likely to slow down much either.
http://www.apple.com/pro/video/cousteau/
if I had mod points.. this would go away..
That dumb "I, for one..." joke or the sharks?
-Eric Smith
why is all retarded cousins from Australia?
------- In the end there are no begining
Wow, that was a bad subject. But it's not a joke. Apple has more material on their site than Cousteau does on his.
Looks like shark, tastes like people.
At least that's how I thought the news flow went.
Skot Nelson music is my saviour / i was maimed by rock and roll
Welcome to 2004.
Your hair look like poop, Bob! - Wanker.
Of course Cousteau (Jacques's son Fabian) is himself using the beast for filming -- so not so pure research after all.
Letter To Iran
Insert Tinfins joke here...
This is a great idea that should be generalized to allow humans to more easily observe nature (both in and out of the water) without the interference of cameras and trucks/boats etc.
:).
Although I have not seen it I have heard that such a stunt was portrayed in some Jim Carey Pet Detective movie to the delight of potty humorists everywhere (I look forward to seeing it myself some day
It would also be a riot if other alien species do this type of thing to observe humans. Bump into someone on the street and a camera falls out of their mouth and all kinds of alien cursing starts coming from within the guy's body.
All your attention are belong to my old internet meme.
"...Cousteau referred to the shark kind of like a 'retarded cousin from Australia.'"
Wouldn't that make it a not-so-great white shark?
We've taken nature's perfect killing machine and needlessly turned it into a robot!
Fabien Cousteau: "I took nature's most perfect killing machine, and needlessly turned it into a robot!"
I took nature's most perfect killing machine and needlessly turned it into a robot.
From TFA:
Since Troy cannot respond in a sophisticated, sharklike manner, Cousteau decided that while the great whites do buy that he's a shark, they consider him more like a "retarded cousin from Australia."
The human touch can be deadly too. Let me tell you, any guy who touches an unfamiliar girl out of curiosity will likely meet a swift death.
The third camera records Cousteau's behavior inside the sub.
Is this one there so they can make a documentary about marine biologists at the same time as they make the one about the sharks?
Umm, you might start with a different title than, "Mind of a Demon" then!
Have none of you played No One Lives Forever 2?
... and then some bright civilian had to go build a robotic shark for half the price.
Do you not know of the secret government plot to train sharks to use swim up Soviet rivers with nuclear weapons for a sneaky first strike? Of course we also had to train them to use special gear for fresh water, but after the classes in nuclear physics that was not problem
No one of consequence
I'm interested to know how the sharks react to the obvious increase in electric current in the water. You know.. that stuff sharks are supremely sensitive to? That sutff that they can sense from miles away? Is ti a problem at all or does it jsut blend in with the natural noises of the sea? If it was a problem, how was it solved?
What is your penile percentile?
Take dolphins for example. I just gegoogelt and found that white shark prey on dolphins, so it seems reasonable that dolphins would use their echolocation to sense the presence of "shark". I wonder what this faux shark would sonar like. :P )
(hopefully not chicken!
To-do List: Receive telemarketing call during a tornado warning. Check.
" Spielberg could have saved himself a lot of money filming "Jaws" if this thing had existed then and been at all realistic. I'll bet Grade B movie producers are scrambling over themselves to offer to rent this thing."
This thing swims like a shark but does not bite like a shark, so is not ready for the movies.
Now, I don't know much about aquatic life, but wouldn't be cheaper if, instead of mimicking sharks with a robot, they just attach three remora-like cameras to a real shark?.
Let's focus on the really important questions....
AFAIK sharks (like sting rays) are extremely sensitive to electric fields. They are so sensitive in fact that there were some shark repellant devices a few years back that basically just periodically zapped the water at a voltage level that wasn't noticed by people but scared off sharks. How then, can this mechanical device with electronic cameras in it fool a shark into acting naturally when its giving off a strange electric field signature?
Hope I don't /. 'em: http://crabpeoplecrabpeople.ytmnd.com/
I'll just wait and see.
That is all
Since all the laser beam and overlord jokes are -1 at the moment, i'll take a chance and bring back something we don't hear so often anymore:
Imagine a beowulf cluster of robot sharks!
The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim.
Wow, I was just talking to somebody about getting one of these to clear out my local surf spot (Swami's, better known as "Swarmies"). Actually, my first idea involved two power boats and a large net, but this would be much more humane.
No Inflation Taxation without Representation
Come now. Plenty of us like vegetarians. Far leaner and juicier than carnivores, much less those bottom-feeders and carrion-eaters you catch at fast food joints. I especially like the macrobiotics. Stir fried, with tamari and red pepper... mmmmmmm....
-Forrest Cameranesi, Geek of all Trades
"I am Sam. Sam I am. I do not like trolls, flames, or spam."
It's not a robot, it's a (wet) submarine. Y'know, with a diver inside, controlling it. Not a robot, just a really nice shark suit you can swim with.
A submarine that looks like a Great White Shark?
Why does this sound so familiar to me?
I guess it's true that great minds think alike.
Liberals call everyone Nazis yet they are the closest thing to it.
...RoboTuna!
Paleotechnologist and connoisseur of pretty shiny things.
Uh ... a paragraph linking to an article elsewhere is not "news."
Heard?
Herd?
Fish would be a school.
But I don't even know if it would be "school of shark" or "school of sharks".
Crows get to be called a murder.
And after some imagining, I wouldn't know how to even START naming a Beowulf Cluster of Robot Sharks.
This is really low-tech compared to the shark that was built for Deep Blue Sea.
With his pith ball on a thread.
A better joke would be: How many people can you freak out driving that shark around popular beaches.
But I don't even know if it would be "school of shark" or "school of sharks".
Generally speaking the last thing people are concerned with when surrounded by great whites would be how to call them. But judging from the movies a congregation of them would commonly be referred to as "uh oh"
People replying to my sig annoy me. That's why I change it all the time.
It had better be (a) built as a male so [most] other sharks don't try and copulate with it or (b) fitted with shock absorbers so the cameras don't shake to pieces when all the other males start humping the life out of it.
Hal Spacejock: Science Fiction with Nuts
Billions of bilious blue blistering barbequed barnacles! I'm sure Tin Tin has prior art over shark subs. Or maybe Cousteau read too much Herge as a lad.
"Everything is adjustable, provided you have the right tools"
First think I thought of when I saw the title was COOL!!! REAL LIFE JAWS!!!
One of these babys on remote control and I could have some real fun at the beach!!
Course this is slashdot, and many a slashdotter has never left their house let alone gone to the beach but this could be it folks.. Radio controlled WiFi enabled Robosharks!!
I have one question though, do these guys take Visa or Mastercard?
I WANT MY KILLER ROBO FISH!!
-- Jim
-- If at first you don't succeed, lie!
I can't believe Monsieur Cousteau actually used the words "retarded cousin". I suspect that's the american author of the article paraphrasing badly. French people don't use the word "retarded" to draw laughs. That's just in America, where
the snickering "humour" of mindless frat-boy types (i.e. delightful mocking of some human frailty or suffering) is regularly co-opted into mainstream usage.
The world is everything that is the case
imagine the horrors of shark-driven australian retards; Steeve irvin without any social skills, plus he probably stunk like shark (we all know how annoying shark-smell can be) "follow me to the waaata mate, the waaata looks delicious" Luckely it would be hard to fit a great white inside Steve Irvin without making him look kind of odd...
A computer is a tool, but I am not. I use Linux
Seems to me they could do a lot better by removing the the guy inside. After all, he can only see out with the aid of some cameras and monitors anyway. Perhaps they'd have to work on improving their wireless communications, but I don't think that would be a show stopper. A little AI would also help.
Video shot before the robot was finsihed, but still has some good stuff, like the death of the mentioned first robot. http://www.g4tv.com/techtvvault/features/45548/It_ Swims_With_Sharks.html
WARNING: DO NOT LET DR. MARIO TOUCH YOUR GENITALS. HE IS NOT A REAL DOCTOR.
The only thing *this* retard is doing downunder is trying to figure out whether Fabien Cousteau is imitating The Life Aquatic With Steve Zissou, or if it's the other way 'round.
Well? Any non-retards care to answer??
WHO embolizes WHO?
if 5 or 6 REAL Great Whites ganger-banged Cousteau's shark. It would a moment of sudden clarity, sort of like Michael Behm's character in The Abyss... sinking...sinking...CRUNCH and plexi-shatter...
I wonder if any of the real sharks would be pissed off or curious about this mech swimmer in their domain. Will they really ignore it, or chomp on it, or try to hump-back it...?I hope they have windscreen wipers just in case... I wonder if that thing has a "sample collector port" in case one of Willy's enemies wants to "deep-six" (or, umm, deep sixteen) the craft's underbelly. I wonder if the navigation and gyration system has "coitus operandi" programmed into it. Talk about a wet, "roughride". BORN to be WILD, YAHH!
But, if that vessel gets cock-locked, (and is missing a cock-block or liquid saw or torch to burn or embolize that frisky seallion hunter...) and the battery juice runs out...talk about being in deep shit. Better caall Darrwin-- Darwin... Horrny... Me save hapless human explorer... Mee Darh-when....
Now, on to Dolphins....
I looked at:
http://www.innespace.com/
and that litttle Flippy is Trippy. Don't get goin' too fast, tho, cuz if it rolls uncontrollably and irrecoverably into the depths, someone may as well break out the cyanide capsule and in the final moments begin singing:
"We call him Flihh-purh, Fllipp-hur, fahsstur thanh lyghttt-neeng...."
Previously: "Linux... Toward the Sunrise..." Now: "Linux... Toward the-- No, now, part of Every Sunrise"
... with a purpose?
DOH!
Previously: "Linux... Toward the Sunrise..." Now: "Linux... Toward the-- No, now, part of Every Sunrise"
All these years I thought JabberJaw was the great white's retarded cousin...
GET FREE APPLE STUFF!
I agree. That's a difficult task. Building it would require decision making. They'd have to be wireless to begin with though, so bandwidth would probably be your biggest bottleneck. Might not be a good idea.
The alpha of the cluster could be known as the "Master shark node". The other nodes could simply be called "Other shark nodes". As for the name of the cluster itself, how about
"Super Honey Sweet Sharky Death Machine."
Or "Evilly-clustered Beowulf school-pack of shark"
Or "Team Shark" (for use with SETI)
Now accepting PayPal donations!
The MAIN question is, what's going to happen when a shark starts bustin' the groove on the robot shark. He's going to be like "dang girl, what happened to you? You're like, spaded or something? No, no, it can't be, you're like...a ROBOT?! What the hell!! I knew it was to good to be true!"
This thing would make a great prank on a beach somewhere. You could sit on the beach with the remote and scare the shit out swimmers.
"I wouldn't know how to even START naming a Beowulf Cluster of Robot Sharks."
A circuit of sharks?
An elasmobranch of robots?
A bulwark of Beowulfs?
Ignorance is curable, stupid is forever.
Until your robo-shark, with you in it, gets eaten by a passing Orca.
This should have been a punchline for a Pinkie and the Brain episode...
Brain: "Are you thinking what I'm thinking, Pinky?"
Pinky: "I think so, Brain, but where can we find an animatronic shark at this hour?"
This submarine is cool, and a step in the right direction, but it almost seems like they designed it to fool humans, not sharks.
Ah Slashdot, where people understand my jokes. I used the human penis, sharkgina line at a gathering the other day and nobody there understood it. Cretins!
Now I can go about delivering my candygrams.
You see? You see? Your stupid minds! Stupid! Stupid!
I'm waiting for the Robotic Ill-tempered Mutated Sea Bass!
"I took nature's most perfect killing machine, and needlessly turned it into a robot." -- Dr. Quinn
Grizzlebee's Onion Burst, with Honey-Maple-Ranch dipping sauce! COWABUNGA!
This should have not been marked redundant. It wasn't the first post to mention the laser beams, but it was the first one that said "All I asked for is a article..." thereby making it more relevant than all the other laser beam posts at the time (none of which brought the article into the joke).
Coder's Stone: The programming language quick ref for iPad
The mod points, evidently...
Pulling together is the aim of despotism and tyranny. Free men pull in all kinds of directions. It's the only way to mak
One would be suprised how the Great White is really looked at competely the wrong way. The reason for the wrap of the bad name (besides Jaws) is the problem with their way of satisfying their curiousity. As humans have a habit of touching things they are curious about with their fingers sharks satisfy it by biting. Their bite is meant only as a touch but with thousands of razor sharp teeth it can also be deadly.
To a researcher, it may be a big deal to find out what the shark's intentions are when they bite a person, but to the person getting torn apart it doesn't matter. They're still dead. A shark may just be curious and want to "sample" you, but when the shark is 10x heavier than you and has giant jaws, getting sampled or getting eaten means same thing- you're a goner.
...for orcas http://www.extremescience.com/orcavshark.htm
an 'eek!' of sharks?
Evil Space Monkeys could be stealing YOUR bandwidth!
Isn't the camera disguised as a remora good enough for you? Read the post! Mr Cousteau has decided that his overlordship starts with the tinfoil hat wearering demographic dying first, THEN comes the espionage agencies.
Evil Space Monkeys could be stealing YOUR bandwidth!
"Everyone can seeeeeeeee... he's much smarter than meeeeeeeeeeeeeee! "
Evil Space Monkeys could be stealing YOUR bandwidth!
"Destroy science and religion. Science would re-emerge exactly the same; but not religion." - Penn Jillette, paraphrased
With all the pneumatic systems, maybe the OTHER sharks think it had beans for lunch and is thus having gastrointestinal problems.
ELOI, ELOI, LAMA SABACHTHANI!?