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Oregon Is Growing A Mystery Bulge
nedwolf writes "LiveScience is reporting that a 100 square mile bulge has been rising in Oregon. First observed from a satellite using a relatively new technology called 'radar interferometry', some believe this to be the formation of a new volcano. I think it's just happy to see me."
When asked for comment, Oregon said, "I can't help it! California's been rubbing against me for millions of years!"
But I thought America's wang was Florida.
Good afternoon, gentlemen. As you are all no doubt aware, I have perfected a device capable of generating volcanoes at my whim. Even now I have raised a titanic bulge of liquid hot mag-ma under the state of Oregon. This device, which I've dubbed 'The Erupteron', has passed its field test with flying colors, I'm sure you'll agree...
You see, gentlemen, 'The Erupteron' will be used to generate bulges under one of your major cities every six hours, causing them to sink into firey hot mag-ma, utterly destroying them...that is...unless you pay me...
One hundred billion trillion fafillion dollahs!!!
(cue dramatic music)
Gentleman, you have my demands...peace out.
____
~ |rip/\/\aster /\/\onkey
The U.S. hit puberty and Oregon got the country's first zit
Now a vulcano... God is really starting to dislike America.
perpetually dwelling in the -1 pits
After all, somebody could be hiding WMDs down there!
since when are volcanos square? must be some giant square monolith planted by aliens years ago rising out of the ground
Ahnold: It's not a tumoh!
The days of the digital watch are numbered.
After all, now there's just more of it to love.
My comments are my own, and do not represent the views of my employer, my spouse, my children, or my cats.
Or Gentoo's, I told them to disable that option.
For the perfect anti-Unix, write an OS that thinks it knows what you're doing better than you do and let it be wrong.
Boioioioioioioinnnnnng!
Welcome our new molten overlords
It's where they stash their weed.
Is the land available for commercial development?
Based on where developers seem to like to put housing and commercial developments this would be perfect!
Invalid Checksum. Retrying.
"These volcanos are great for tourism... "
New Orleans was great for tourism too. Maybe we should build a city on top of this bulge.
... Arnold could say "It's not a tumah!"
Be sure to remember the Programmers Prayer
Is it really abnormal? Or is it just another as-yet-unheard-of natural phenomena? Or is it just another glitch in computers running Micro$oft crap?
Wow. You're really having to work to get in that gratuitous dig at MS, aren't you? At least now your day is complete: you've managed to sound like an idiot while feeling great about yourself.
Oh, and that whole "M$" thing - dang, that's hysterical! I mean, who else could have thought of such a funny use of the dollar sign! Of course, I'm sure you use it when you type out My$QL, too, since they also charge for their products. And of course, you probably really hate Clothing $tores, and evil people who charge you money when you order $ushi from them. To say nothing of ga$oline, mu$ic, and film$.
I just wish I'd thought of that first, though. You're just so smart! Try not to get upset, though, when other people that aren't nearly as creative and witty as you copy your joke while trying to look cool. I mean, you'll know they're just losers copying your joke, but other people may not, and won't give you credit for your entertainment genius.
Or is it just another as-yet-unheard-of natural phenomena?
Maybe you could take 15 seconds to RTFA before shooting your mouth off? They've been watching and measuring it for a long time now, and generally know what's behind it. You know, by using expensive scientific instruments, which they had to buy from $cientific equipment manufacturers.
Don't disappoint your bird dog. Go to the range.
Angela Dodson: I guess God has a plan for all of us.
John Constantine: God's a kid with an ant farm, lady. He's not planning anything.
There's no place like ~/
As long as the natives do not start sacraficing virgins to the volcanio /. readers will be safe.
It's the Chinese commies who dig a tunnel (yeah, it's that big!) through Earth to attack the U.S. from it's least defended spot... Oregon.
I am afraid of when the wet dreams begin.
Has anyone looked toward their Garbage Removal manager? is Oregon going to be picking up & moving to Washington?
"There is a reason Linux is free"
~me~
You ever get the feeling that we are on the receiving end of someone that got tired of playing Sim City and is now just unleashing disasters and seeing what will happen.
A week and a half ago, I climbed South Sister for the first time. Again, no sacrificial maiden (they're hard to find in Oregon.) The clock is ticking.
George Bush.
i mean, seriously.
Who was the one that directed the storms to cruch the beloved city of debauchery to placate Baby Jesus?
George Bush.
Who causes the Great Barrier Reef to be destroyed from pollutants coming mainly from Asia?
George Bush.
Who caused the Challenger and the Discovery to blow up over WHERE!!!!! Florida and Texas?!??!?!
George Bush.
damn skippy.
guns kill people like spoons make Rosie O'Donnell fat.
That's a nice hypothesis, but I subscribe to the theory of Intelligent Bulging.
Waltz, nymph, for quick jigs vex Bud.
Q: How many Californians does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Six. One to turn the bulb, one for support, and four to relate to the experience.
Q: How many Oregonians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Five. One to change the bulb and four more to chase off the Californians who have come up to relate to the experience
--From the The Cannonical [sic] Collection of Light Bulb Jokes, Usenet, October 1983 Edition
Welcome to the Panopticon. Used to be a prison, now it's your home.
After going dormant, it changed its name to the Long Valley SCO Group. Then it started suing all the other volcanos for emitting greenhouse gases, which its predecessor in interest, Mt. St. Helens, invented.
Please try to get your facts straight next time, ok?
Raise your children as if you were teaching them to raise your grandchildren, because you are.
Younger readers may need an explanation of this phrase. The idea is that when a male sees someone to whom they are sexually attracted they may become aroused and one aspect of arousal is penile erection. This can result in a (sometimes embarassing) bulge in the pants. The author of this story is implying that Oregon, or at least part of it, is sexually aroused by them, and that this bulge is analogous to that caused by an erection. It may come as a shock to you that a story posted on /. that is ostensibly about volcanos contains references to penile erections. You may have thought that only immature individuals would make penis jokes as part of a scientific story. But actually adults do this all the time and now that you have read this you too can join other adults in making penis jokes at seemingly inappropriate times.
Doesn't it make you feel good to know that our freedoms are protected by politicans, lawyers and journalists.
It sounds to me like somebody in Oregon really needs to stop replying to all those spam emails.
Is it just my observation, or are there way too many stupid people in the world?
ga$oline
I think I'm going to start using that one.
Maybe we should build a city on top of this bulge. Great idea! It could be America's new hot spot. A party town that is sure to be a blast. I predict real estate will explode there.
His Noodily Appendage works in awesome and mysterious ways.
If His Noodliness says Oregon needs a bulge, then it shall be so.
Posting a dupe once every 5 years would be a HUGH improvement for the /. editors.
Throw me a frick'n bone here.
A Californian a Texan and an Oregonian are sittin around a fire sipping their evening beverage.
Texan pulls out a 45 caliber hog leg, tosses his empty of Lone Star Beer up in the air, and plugs it dead center.
Californian finishes his mulled Petite Sara, tosses the wine bottle in the air and shatters it with one round from a Saturday night special.
The Oregonian takes a last sip of his bottled Starbucks Late`, tosses it in the air, grabs his deer rifle, plugs the Californian and catches the bottle
"Why'd ya go and do THAT?" says the Texan.
"Because", says the Oregonian, "We have plenty of those up here" gesturing at the dead Californian, "and this", holding up the bottle, "is worth FIVE CENTS!"
- Minutus cantorum, minutus balorum, minutus carborata descendum pantorum.
Don't be so negative. I think we should build a ski-lift there.