Slashdot Mirror
Deathbed Confession Says Aliens Were at Roswell
xnuandax writes "The army's explanation of weather balloons in the Roswell, New Mexico incident 60 years ago has been dealt a serious public relations blow. Late Army Lt. Walter Haut had signed a sealed affidavit prior to his death last year asserting that he had witnessed the wreckage of an egg-shaped craft and its extraterrestrial crew while working at the Roswell Army Air Field. An article at News.com.au reviews how Haut had worked as public relations officer for the Roswell base and was involved in the original weather balloon explanation of events at the time. This recent evidence would seem to confirm speculation that egg-shaped saucers are notoriously difficult to fly safely at low altitude."
the craft's name was 'Humpty Dumpty'?
Serving time in Aristotelean prison for violating laws of physics
THEY WERE FROM ORK
It is better to be the hammer than the anvil.
Hear! Hear!
You can't keep anything secret for 60 years.
The most recent vast government conspiracy is of course that GWB et. al. Either orchastrated, or allowed to happen and then embellished, 9/11. Of course, all of this hinges on a grand conspiracy being meticulously carried out by Bush Administration. I'm sorry. But THIS adminstration? The adminstration that brought you Iraq and Katrina? I'm sorry, but we've seen the MO for this adminstration and competence, just isn't it.
I thought we had already established that it was the Ferengi?
"Every great cause begins as a movement, becomes a business, and eventually degenerates into a racket." -- Eric Hoffer
No kidding. New Mexico is soooo, yesterday. Kansas is where anybody who's anybody crashes.
"The past was erased, the erasure was forgotten, the lie became truth." ~1984 George Orwell
I'd be laughing all the way to the mortuary, if it were me...
And I'd be really creeped out if I were the coroner...
This guy's the limit!
"This recent evidence would seem to confirm speculation that egg-shaped saucers are notoriously difficult to fly safely at low altitude."
I'm curious just where this speculation was forwarded. Is there some UFO magazine with articles like "Egg Shape Saucers -- How Easy to Fly" or "Egg shaped versus conventional Plate shaped, which Flying Saucer is right for your intergalactic traveling needs?" or better yet is Consumer Reports planning a Fly Saucer Safety issue? "Flying Saucer Roll Over Crash Test Results -- Egg Shaped Models perform poorly"
Letter To Iran
"Truly, you have a dizzying intellect."
"Ultimately why would a space craft be built out material resembling tin foil. "
Because it's powered by hats?
Just look at out of control L. Ron Hubbard's little joke has become. Of course, there's no evidence, just his statement.
Even better, just look at what happened with that Jesus dude's little practical joke.
"'Son of God.' I slay me!"
Microsoft is to software what Budweiser is to beer.
Yes, but it wouldn't be hard to believe our military would shoot down an unidentified flying egg no matter how advanced or rare it's occupants might be.
Not that I'm saying... uhm... yeah.
"Everything you know is wrong. (And stupid.)"
Moderation Totals: Wrong=2, Stupid=3, Total=5.
Isn't ours? Don't they have similar testimonies about the Philadelphia project, ghosts, dragons, dinosaurs, faeries, unicorns, and women IT professionals? (and I'm sure some will read this, so its just a joke, don't get mad... my office is all guys
lol: You see no door there!
Eggs can fly, as long as they're in a 3oz or less container.
rewriting history since 2109
Yeah, but think again: did you know that Dick Cheney just appeared one day in 1941 out of nowhere? The day before, nobody had heard of him, and then, poof! there he was. And ever since, he seems to appear for a while and disappear without a trace for long periods. Coincidence? I reserve judgement.
You totally misspelled half of that post. :-p
lol: You see no door there!
There is no way they could keep a secret of this magnitude and cover it up for 60 years.
... keep a secret secret? Is it possible that we wouldn't have heard about it?
Ok, let me get this reasoning straight.
a) There's no way that the government could keep a secret that long.
b) How do we know that there's no way that the government could keep a secret that long?
c) Because if the government tried to keep a secret that long we would have beard about it.
Just for the sake of argument, what if the government managed to... um
(especially if they used secret alien technology to keep it secret!)
Three Squirrels
It was: You win again, gravity!
How many times did we crash on mars once we made it all the way there? And that was not even something complicated enough to carry creatures. Shit happens in space..At least it always seems to the case when I go. ;)
Even more amazing is that in such an advanced society as ours someone could think that tires are bolted to cars.
It's also possible that they implanted Furon DNA in our genes thousands of years ago ;)
Between the falling angel and the rising ape
When translated the banner said "Mission Accomplished". That confirms it. The crew were actually Americans from the future.
"My country, right or wrong; if right, to be kept right; and if wrong, to be set right." --Senator Carl Schurz (1872)
Funny you should ask. I saw 'em just the other day on TV, standing in line for the latest shiny horseshit.
You're doin' a heck of a job, Generation iPod.
Sent from the iPad I found in your car.
And let's not forget the debt we owe them for the anal probes that today's proctology enjoys. Most former alien abductees will testify to the genius of their probes.
-- Posted from my parent's basement
"But how did you get there in the first place then?"
"Easy, I got a lift with a teaser."
"A teaser?"
"Yeah."
"Er, what is..."
"A teaser? Teasers are usually rich kids with nothing to do. They cruise around looking for planets which haven't made interstellar contact yet and buzz them."
"Buzz them?" Arthur began to feel that Ford was enjoying making life difficult for him.
"Yeah", said Ford, "they buzz them. They find some isolated spot with very few people around, then land right by some poor soul whom no one's ever going to believe and then strut up and down in front of him wearing silly antennae on their heads and making beep beep noises. Rather childish really."
Posting as AC for obvious reasons.
I for one agree that alien anal probes are perhaps the most comfortable anal probe that I have ever experienced. The aliens really take pride in their probing. This is nothing at all like the TSA, Customs, or the Federal Bureau of Prisons. The aliens want to make sure that you enjoy the experience (since many of them have been probed by those above)! As a proud customer of alien anal probing I would say that if I had to chose to be probed again I would select the aliens anal probes before any US governmental agency anal probes. Why have an inferior probe when you could have the best?
As for a recommendation, if you are in the SF area ask for Gertrude No Lube. They'll know who I'm talking about.
But how easy could it be to fly an egg?
Mork was a moron and he could fly one just fine.
I am a free slashdotter. I will not be modded, blogged, DRM'd, patented, podcasted or RFID'd. My life is my own.
"That's something that always pissed me off about Star Trek (even as a fan): everyone was a super-genius, unless you dedicated yourself to raising grapes in France or you were a junior member of an away team. ;-)"
Darn it Jim, that WAS our eugenics program!
"When they got near the touchy military types at Roswell, their lander copped an unexpected sidewinder up the clacker."
Definitely "unexpected" since sidewinder's had not been invented.
And did you exchange a walk on part in the war for a lead role in a cage? - Pink Floyd.
DRM 'manages access' in the same way that a prison 'manages freedom'
"As much as I want to believe aliens are among us, it just doesn't make sense that a civilization advanced enough to cross interstellar space would crash in New Mexico."
Maybe the contract went to the lowest bidder?
The race isn't always to the swift... but that's the way to bet!
What part of a signed and sealed affidavit on a death bed did you not understand? Not only does nobody ever lie on their death bed, he signed an affidavit (that you aren't allowed to see) and if he lied he can be prosecuted to the full extent of the law (considering he's dead this involves not being prosecuted at all).
I mean, would you disbelieve the guy who on his deathbed said that he actually faked those Loch Ness pictures? How about the guy who after he died had his family expose how exactly he faked those nice big foot pictures and tracks?
Well, I knew this guy and have a signed and sealed affidavit from him that their signed and sealed affidavit was acquired by threatening his family.
It is no longer uncommon to be uncommon.
An egg shape craft? If they were shot down, it must have gone something like this... Shazbat! we've been shot. We're going down. They are gathering all around the ship. They may want to kill us! Perhaps a friendly greeting will appease them. Greetings! I am Mork from Ork. Nanu Nanu.
How ya like dat?
I've made a similar comment in the past.
The response I usually get is like the one above you that "oh, those are just dumb animals."
I find that kind of amusing considering how many extremely intelligent animals, and painfully stupid people I have known.
As an example, the cat that, as I type, is laying behind me asleep learned how to lock the front door of the house I used to live in. In fact, he made a habit of locking the door on me while I was outside if I ticked him off. It got to the point where I took my keys with me even if I was only going out to get the mail.
Everything I need to know I learned by killing smart people and eating their brains.
Clearly, the only way we're going to get to the bottom of this is have the FAA do a full inspection on the flight-worthiness of egg-shaped saucers.
Back in the 1980s, when the Transcendental Meditation people were claiming to teach levitation, someone asked the FAA to investigate TM as an "unlicensed flight school". The FAA actually replied, stating that FAA jurisdiction begins at 50 feet above ground level (hovercraft are thus regulated as ground vehicles), and that the TM people appeared unable to achieve sufficient altitude.
This got some publicity, and embarrassed the TM people, who stopped selling "levitation seminars". Especially after someone established that their pictures of people levitating in lotus position were achieved by bouncing on a trampoline.
Wow, that's the first time I've ever seen capitalism applied to justify the appearance of aliens.
Well done.
How we know is more important than what we know.
I for one welcome our new...
Ah, shit.
Well, gee, you use a lot of fancy words and "logic", but how do you explain Kang and Kodos, Mr. Smartypants? pwned!
You know what else I find totally unbelievable? That a civilization so advanced that it could send an orbiter all the way to other planets would manage to crash it when it got there... and over something as retarded as metric vs. standard. :)
Those are really good odds. I'll take 'em.
Faster! Faster! Faster would be better!
Just because somebody believes something doesn't mean it's true. (Just like how I think I'm a dork, but everyone I meet seems to love me and think I'm the greatest thing since the Commie64, and they give me money and hang out with me and tell me I'm great and that I'm a super l337 hacker, and I date chicks who model, part time when I'm not around they say, and my mom is always right, especially when she says I am smart and handsome.) I guess the dead guy in question was just one of those poor delusional, misinformed bastards.
This is a hacked account, for which the owner can not be held responsible.
Or maybe that's why the crashed.
"Turn the egg! Turn the egg!"
"I can't, I don't have any hands!!!"
"AHHHHHHHHH!!!!"
Crypto!! You're not supposed to be posting on Slashdot. Get back to the invasion site immediately!
I don't therefore I'm not.
You forget that in the Star Trek case, the Federation has "eliminated poverty". They don't even have money any more. (Although that one was a little hard for the writers to remember all the time.)
By "eliminated poverty" I always took that to mean "Fed all the poor people into the biomass supply for the replicators."
The same reason *my* brain isn't stuck into my abdominal cavity where I keep all my other importan stuff - My brain is about 1% of my weight, but produces about 20% of my body heat.
That's why I store my brains in a lower, dangling organ, where they can cool easily - that's the way most of us Bipedal aliens do it. -
Pug
An Invisible Entity of Vast Power whose existence must be taken on faith alone: Liberal Media
Was it a free-range egg?
Tempora mutantur, nos et mutamur in illis
You seem to have misinterpreted him. The GP wasn't referring to a sidewinder missile, he means that aliens were attacked by flying snakes . And I don't know about you, but I've had ENOUGH of the motherfucking snakes on the motherfucking flying saucer.
CATS/Diebold '08- All your vote are belong to us!
I believe the first F-117 Stealth (invisible to all high tech anti-air defenses)
The "Stealth" planes are one of the greatest examples of why there are no advanced Alien Technologies. The F-117 is very visibile to most modern high-tech anti-air defense radar, its just a smaller bleep than it should be which makes it slightly trickier. This makes it difficult for crap 20+ year old radars to see it, e.g. the ones that the French, US and Brits sold to Iraq. If the F-117 was actually invisible to radar then they wouldn't be flying it at 30,000ft all the time.
If the US really does have alien technology and it led to the F-117 I'd really suggest complaining back to the "superior" race that invented it.
Now Stealth Ships however tend to work because they build on the radar clutter that the sea causes thus making the ships nearly impossible to make out from the background noise.
An Eye for an Eye will make the whole world blind - Gandhi
I will confess to being an Illuminati agent, to know who killed JFK, to have befriended the yeti, to know the warehouse where the moon landing set is stored, to be frequent visitor to Atlantis and to have the exact coordinates that lead to the centre of the Earth. After all, if it's in my affidavit and I'm not around to answer questions, it must be true. Right?
The number you have dialed has crashed into a planet. Please make a note of it.
I, for one, do not welcome any sort of goatse-displaying alien overlord.
Weren't there nine of these things seen and then only one on the ground?
If any of this is true (which, of course, it isn't) then the most credible conclusions are:
- The aliens look human therefore they are human.
- They are on earth therefore they came from earth.
- Their technology is more advanced than ours therefore the crash was an accident or caused by someone of sufficiently advanced technology.
So we have some theories:- At some point far in the future our descendents try out time travel and something goes wrong with one of the time travelling craft (they were probably visiting roswell to see if an alien really was found there - ah, the irony...)
- Humanity in a parallel dimension was experimenting with cross dimensional travel and it went wrong.
- At some point in the past a super intelligent branch of humanity separated from the rest of us and has been living in secret along side us for a while now. They were pissing around buzzing some country-folk and something wet wrong. Maybe a teenager stole the keys to their dad's flying-egg-car?
- Any of the above except it was an escape attempt by some dissident / terrorist / freedom-fighter / messiah / anti-christ / "crack commando unit sent to prison by a military court for a crime they didn't commit" and they were shot down by pursuing craft.
Anythying else is just pure speculation and fantasy.That's why I store my brains in a lower, dangling organ, where they can cool easily - that's the way most of us Bipedal aliens do it.
You mean half of us bipedal aliens.
So once you can accept that a body plan of a torso, which has all your organs for digesting food and eliminating waster, and a head, for sensing the environment and thinking about it, is a body-plan that was successful and therefore selected, rather than just a random body plan that was just passed on, it's not to much of a leap to say that one of those walking animals stood up and used two of those legs to manipulate objects instead of walk. And if convergent evolution can happen among independent lineages here on earth, why not in similar environments, like a rocky planet, somewhere else in space? Is it too much of a stretch to imagine wings or eyes evolving in extra-terrestrial animals? How about then legs or arms and hands?
To describe a 'humanoid', all you need is an upright torso with a head, two legs for locomotion, and two manipulative hands. I don't think it's too far of a stretch to say that such a body plan for an intelligent, conscious, tool-making creature would be selected in a convergent evolution scenario. Yeah, but you left out the most important question: can Kirk bang their chicks?
Kwisatz Haderach
Sell the spice to CHOAM
This Mahdi took Shaddam's Throne
Look out, Dorothy, someone's crashing a plain into your tornado!
Or maybe you meant "plane", not "plain".
(P.S. Ha-ha, captcha is "attack".)
I think such a decision would depend, entirely, on the psychology of the individual. You, having just admitted to it, probably have the right psychology to do such a thing. We have no knowledge of this for the individual in question.
All of that being said: you're every parent's worst nightmare....
"All great things are simple & expressed in a single word: freedom, justice, honor, duty, mercy, hope." --Churchill
No. He meant Rebel vs Imperial.
Censorship is telling a man he can't have a steak just because a baby can't chew it. --Mark Twain
Thanks, you've just given me an idea for next week's D&D game. :D
"Times have not become more violent. They have just become more televised."
-Marilyn Manson
The Federation is clearly a very unpleasant society. Eliminating money implies that people must be coerced to work, or perhaps bio engineered to have no choice in the matter like social insects. Most Federation citizens live in a harsh military dictatorship where the ship's captain has absolute power. Federation drones aren't aware of this of course, they are programmed to think that their captain is infallible and they choose to obey his orders, they are still human and that they work without payment for the benefit of society.
But a quick look at the Federation shows this to be untrue. Most people seem to spend their lives on warships, even raising their families on them. The Federation seems to spend most of its resources on these warships, starships with weapons systems so powerful that they can't possibly be designed for peaceful exploration, let alone for non interference. As an advanced society it seems to be curiously dependent on very old works of art, mostly from the 20th Century or from far before.
I suspect that the immense wealth the Federation has must have been generated on slave worlds. A possible analogy would be with slavemaker ants for example, which use other species for all the hard work. It is also possible that flocks of federation starships attack more primitive civilizations like plagues of locusts and use their rather admirable technology to strip them bare and then move on, Independence Day style. This would explain the non human social structure seen on warships where a captain has absolute power and everyone seems to have some sort of military rank. It would also explain the lack of recent works of art and why no one in the Federation seems to do any real work. Like the imperialists of the 19th Century, the Federation is essentially parasitic. Not that Federation drones are aware of any of this of course, possibly some of the exploitation is done by machines or unseen servant races. There are signs of this, Vulcan and Klingon serve on starships without pay i.e. as slaves, but I think it more likely, given the fearsome offensive capabilities of Federation warships that they spend much of their time on conquest but the drones memories are manipulated to hide this lest their dormant sense of humanity awakens causes their insect like social structure to break down.
There are signs that the Federation has extensive virtual reality technology, though characteristically this is portrayed as being used frivolously. My theory is that Federation drones live in a sort of Matrix like virtual reality where the Federation is benign and they are still human. Perhaps the Federation was originally like this, before its crazed imperialism, unsustainable military budget and advanced technology turned it into something much nastier. If this is true, it's a nice Orwellian touch that the Federation's sometime (and possibly fictitious) competitor the Borg Collective is used to scare Federation drones into compliance by portraying it inside Federation virtual reality as behaving much the way the Federation must do in reality.
echo -e 'global _start\n _start:\n mov eax, 2\n int 80h\n jmp _start' > a.asm; nasm a.asm -f elf; ld a.o -o a;
"We were acting like the biggest bullies on the block, unashamedly."
:P
Were? Sorry; that's a bit trollish, but it doesn't make it any less true!
which is totally what she said