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Evidence of Historical Zombie Attack at Hierakonpolis
sertsa writes "A tongue-in-cheek article just published by the Archaeological Institute of America hypothesizes that the formation of ancient Egypt is linked to recurrent Predynastic zombie attacks due to outbreaks of Solanum virus. 'From the very beginning of Predynastic research, Sir W.M. Flinders Petrie reported several headless, but seemingly intact, burials during his famous excavations at Naqada in 1895. Further excavations at Gerzeh and other sites revealed more of these curious burials, but no satisfactory explanation could be proposed at the time. More recently, excavations in the non-elite cemetery at Hierakonpolis (HK43), undertaken from 1996 to 2004, have uncovered more of these strange headless burials in addition to 21 individuals whose cervical vertebrae bear cut marks indicative of complete decapitation. The individuals include men and women ranging in age from 16 to 65. The number and the standard position of the cut marks (usually on the second-fourth cervical vertebrae; always from the front) indicate an effort far greater than that needed simply to cause the death of a normal (uninfected) person. The standard position also indicates these are not injuries sustained during normal warfare.'"
The problem is that the scientist incorrectly classified these as zombie attacks.
Everyone with an ounce of scientific training can tell that these were actually attacks by ninja pirates, and that the vampire zombies were defending the inhabitants.
-- Tigger warning: This post may contain tiggers! --
It reminds me of a classic The Onion story about evidence of a race of a skeletons found all over the world. I'm sure creationist would see evidence of a race of skeletons being proof that evolution was false since there is no way a race of skeletons could evolve.
I don't know why everyone hates on zombies. I mean, zombies were people too.
The theory of relativity doesn't work right in Arkansas.
We all know that zombies tend to gravitate towards malls, or high school proms and such. If they found headless remains outside a prehistoric shopping mall, then I'd be convinced.
http://blindscribblings.com - Tasty pop-culture in conceptual fashion.
This lends new meaning to the phrase "walk like an Egyptian"
Was a mass distribution scrolls that promised a nude painting of Cleopatra, but was merely a tax bill infected with a virus.
Hey, I bet this could also explain the heavy use of the guillotine during the French revolution.
Zombies took over the White House in 2001.
Plus the site TFA is hosted on is apparently a publication from The Archaeological Institute of America...??
October, Halloween. Even archaeologists have a sense of humor. Get one today!
Seven puppies were harmed during the making of this post.
welcome our new zombie underlings! . . . I feel kinda dirty now.
"There are four boxes to use in the defense of liberty: soap, ballot, jury, ammo. Use in that order." - Ed Howdershelt
you are wrong, oil-thirsty vampires took over the white house in 2001
The young earth theory isn't even classic Christianity, having become popular in the US in the 18th century. The church fathers had a variety of theories, and literally counting the years was a 17th century invention. Augustine noted that time as we know it is itself part of this creation, and therefore the 6 days in Genesis 1 could not refer to time in this universe. He speculated that the 6 days were a 6 day "seminar" where the new creation was was presented and explained to the angels.
Well, just to get this somewhat straight. Solanum is a 'large' organism of a plant/vine/small tree, so we are basically talking about your run of the mill tomatoes and potatoes here (yes, I already hear those zombie biologists heaving stones towards me). So, the next question is what the solanum virus would be ... fiction, just have a look at 'The Zombie Survival Guide' by Max Brooks. I think I'll just have to get me some strong liquor and reread that story again ... kind of, hilarious.
"Nae Kin! Nae Quin! Nae laird! Nae master! We willna be fooled again!"
Hey, just because a zombie is a brainless being doesn't mean every brainless being already deserves being called a zombie!
In the name of our zombie brethern I resent them being lumped together with the bunch that currently runs the US! They already got so much bad press, they really don't deserve that.
We used to have a Bill of Rights. Now, with the rights gone, all we have left is the bill.
If you enjoy understated, dry humor, go read the article. It's wonderful.
"While it is an attractive idea, no serious archaeologist would hang their fedora on it without further evidence." Sure; every serious archaeologist wears an Indiana Jones hat, goes without saying.
"Overall, those with cut marks represent less than 4% of the cemetery's population. Thus, one might suggest that the threat of zombification was relatively low, and those manifesting the disease were dealt with swiftly (though in some cemeteries evidence for cannibalism has also been found suggesting that one or two got a good meal first)." It goes on to suggest that the need for swift anti-zombie action may have led to the early invention of government by kings.
If zombies re-emerge as a threat in modern times: "Almost certainly the first sign of infection will come from the Hierakonpolis team. [...] The unfortunate side effect of the infection starting within this specialized group of researchers is that they are generally the least squeamish about decapitation duty. I know for a fact that Sean Dougherty, a physical anthropologist with extensive experience at the site, wouldn't hesitate to lop off the head of any member of the team at any time, and for any reason."
Go read it!
http://www.archaeology.org/online/features/hierakonpolis/zombies.html
steveha
lf(1): it's like ls(1) but sorts filenames by extension, tersely
Finally, valid scientific evidence surfaces! The plague is spreading. Hurry over to IfYouWereAZombie.com to tell your loved ones how you feel before they become a walking corpse. Because once they're a zombie, it's too late to say you care...
Well, of course the article is a bit old. They are an Archeology Magazine, after all.
cmd-q.co.uk - some sort of stupid fucking internet bullshit
"So I saw the fictitious Solanum virus in the missing brain of a headless mummy." Said the blind man to his deaf daughter standing in the corner of the round hut.
Excuse me, but please get off my Pennisetum Clandestinum, eh!
Cheeky sods.
Si hoc legere scis nimium eruditionis habes.
Doesn't it seem strange that the only guy bashing the articles goes by the name necro2607? Methinks he must be part of the zombie cover-up conspiracy, trying to keep their plans a secret while they raise their unholy army of the dead to conquer the world.
No, it's not a joke. It's 100% serious. That's why it was posted under the category "It's funny. Laugh." and the first few words of the summary are "A tongue-in-cheek article".
That's the sign of a dead-serious story right there.
Slashdot gets worse every day... Pipedot: News for nerds, without the corporate slant
No, people wanting power is the single largest cause of human suffering. Religion is merely the single largest catalyst of human suffering. There's a difference, you know.
Please, for the good of Humanity, vote Obama.
The sum of thousands of years of human suffering at the hands of religious leaders can't hold a candle to the hundreds of millions of deaths at the hands of 20th century dictators, nevermind the suffering worldwide today caused by the western greed. Every single day 10 times as people die due to poverty as were killed by the spanish inquisition, when we in the west waste vast sums on skiing holidays, cosmetics and keeping our appliances on standby. That's 10 million people a year!
The single largest cause of suffering? Greed. For money, power, sex etc. No question. Religion is merely the context in which some people have exercised that greed.
You can't win Darth. If you mod me down, I shall become more powerful than you could possibly imagine