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Evidence of Historical Zombie Attack at Hierakonpolis
sertsa writes "A tongue-in-cheek article just published by the Archaeological Institute of America hypothesizes that the formation of ancient Egypt is linked to recurrent Predynastic zombie attacks due to outbreaks of Solanum virus. 'From the very beginning of Predynastic research, Sir W.M. Flinders Petrie reported several headless, but seemingly intact, burials during his famous excavations at Naqada in 1895. Further excavations at Gerzeh and other sites revealed more of these curious burials, but no satisfactory explanation could be proposed at the time. More recently, excavations in the non-elite cemetery at Hierakonpolis (HK43), undertaken from 1996 to 2004, have uncovered more of these strange headless burials in addition to 21 individuals whose cervical vertebrae bear cut marks indicative of complete decapitation. The individuals include men and women ranging in age from 16 to 65. The number and the standard position of the cut marks (usually on the second-fourth cervical vertebrae; always from the front) indicate an effort far greater than that needed simply to cause the death of a normal (uninfected) person. The standard position also indicates these are not injuries sustained during normal warfare.'"
The problem is that the scientist incorrectly classified these as zombie attacks.
Everyone with an ounce of scientific training can tell that these were actually attacks by ninja pirates, and that the vampire zombies were defending the inhabitants.
-- Tigger warning: This post may contain tiggers! --
It reminds me of a classic The Onion story about evidence of a race of a skeletons found all over the world. I'm sure creationist would see evidence of a race of skeletons being proof that evolution was false since there is no way a race of skeletons could evolve.
Stop taking part in intrigue campaings for the next VideoGame/Movie/Book/TVSeries
Also, no inside jokes from scientists. After Gary Larson, none of that is allowed anymore.
Mod me as you like!
*** Suerte a todos y Feliz dia!
I don't know why everyone hates on zombies. I mean, zombies were people too.
The theory of relativity doesn't work right in Arkansas.
We all know that zombies tend to gravitate towards malls, or high school proms and such. If they found headless remains outside a prehistoric shopping mall, then I'd be convinced.
http://blindscribblings.com - Tasty pop-culture in conceptual fashion.
this is a underground campaign for World War Z the Movie?
"Slashdot, where telling the truth is overrated but lying is insightful."
This lends new meaning to the phrase "walk like an Egyptian"
Yes, just like the article says :)
Only to idiots, are orders laws.
-- Henning von Tresckow
Was a mass distribution scrolls that promised a nude painting of Cleopatra, but was merely a tax bill infected with a virus.
soylent green, but people loved it
there has to be a connection
Clinton, you mean? Clinton was the only president during 2000.
Hey, I bet this could also explain the heavy use of the guillotine during the French revolution.
Uhh, am I just missing something here? Is this article a joke? Why is this posted on Slashdot? Is there some kind of long-running inside joke about this fictional "solanum" virus? Plus the site TFA is hosted on is apparently a publication from The Archaeological Institute of America...?? What the fuck. Sure, zombies are cool and all, but if I wanted to read some fantastical BS about arbitrary urban legends and whatever memes, I'd just read The Onion or browse through peoples' blogs. Woot, let's write about a bunch of fictional shit and post it in a serious tone so as to mess with people, in the middle of an otherwise factual and educational publication!
Zombies took over the White House in 2001.
"Remove the head or destroy the brain!"
Simon Pegg ftw.
Obligatory blog plug: http://www.caseybanner.ca/
welcome our new zombie underlings! . . . I feel kinda dirty now.
"There are four boxes to use in the defense of liberty: soap, ballot, jury, ammo. Use in that order." - Ed Howdershelt
you are wrong, oil-thirsty vampires took over the white house in 2001
Yes. Is the Colbert Report a joke? Because it is popular. Yes. Yes. And I am aware that only assholes answer questions with questions.
The young earth theory isn't even classic Christianity, having become popular in the US in the 18th century. The church fathers had a variety of theories, and literally counting the years was a 17th century invention. Augustine noted that time as we know it is itself part of this creation, and therefore the 6 days in Genesis 1 could not refer to time in this universe. He speculated that the 6 days were a 6 day "seminar" where the new creation was was presented and explained to the angels.
Anybody want my mod points?
Well, just to get this somewhat straight. Solanum is a 'large' organism of a plant/vine/small tree, so we are basically talking about your run of the mill tomatoes and potatoes here (yes, I already hear those zombie biologists heaving stones towards me). So, the next question is what the solanum virus would be ... fiction, just have a look at 'The Zombie Survival Guide' by Max Brooks. I think I'll just have to get me some strong liquor and reread that story again ... kind of, hilarious.
"Nae Kin! Nae Quin! Nae laird! Nae master! We willna be fooled again!"
I don't know about the rest of you, but I'm sure as hell ready for a zombie attack! I've got gunz, knifes, tanks, and lots of persons of a certain race for "Operation Human Shield." Lots of my friends as well are prepared. We even have a meeting place; The closest Bimart! :)
Grif:Let me ask you this Doc, Whats your zombie plan.
Doc: My What?
Grif:There are 2 kinds of people in the world those who have a plan prepared for when the zombies take over the earth, and those who dont. We call those last people dinner.
Doc:Nobody does that
Grif: In my plan I'm going to Alaska zombies have no body heat, they'll freeze like coprsicles. Its Brilliant.
My plan is to not notice anything that is wrong. I would try to save my family with a cricket bat then I would goto the Winchester bar and shot the zombies that try to hide quietly until I accidentally turn on the jutebox. Then I would wait for the calvary to charge in and shoot up the place.
You must be new here.
Hey, just because a zombie is a brainless being doesn't mean every brainless being already deserves being called a zombie!
In the name of our zombie brethern I resent them being lumped together with the bunch that currently runs the US! They already got so much bad press, they really don't deserve that.
We used to have a Bill of Rights. Now, with the rights gone, all we have left is the bill.
Yeah, apparently I'm not the only one continuously thinking "what the f?" while reading this article, despite peoples' insistence that I just have no sense of humour. Sorry, it's just not funny when it's completely portrayed as some fucking factual scientific article, and is getting reposted in the Science section of other websites as though it's some worthwhile read. :P
Somehow I doubt the Archaeological Institute of America is too worried about their acreddidation with you.
Sounds like someone didn't RTFA. We really need a -1 Well Duh.
The only change I can believe in is what I find in my couch cushions.
"Just because I think everyone is trying to kill me, doesn't me they aren't." I am, in fact, an asshole. Just the same, I know "the first step in comprehension is interaction".
The first quote is from someone.
The second is from me. I said it out loud and then I typed it. So I can put that in quotes right?
If you enjoy understated, dry humor, go read the article. It's wonderful.
"While it is an attractive idea, no serious archaeologist would hang their fedora on it without further evidence." Sure; every serious archaeologist wears an Indiana Jones hat, goes without saying.
"Overall, those with cut marks represent less than 4% of the cemetery's population. Thus, one might suggest that the threat of zombification was relatively low, and those manifesting the disease were dealt with swiftly (though in some cemeteries evidence for cannibalism has also been found suggesting that one or two got a good meal first)." It goes on to suggest that the need for swift anti-zombie action may have led to the early invention of government by kings.
If zombies re-emerge as a threat in modern times: "Almost certainly the first sign of infection will come from the Hierakonpolis team. [...] The unfortunate side effect of the infection starting within this specialized group of researchers is that they are generally the least squeamish about decapitation duty. I know for a fact that Sean Dougherty, a physical anthropologist with extensive experience at the site, wouldn't hesitate to lop off the head of any member of the team at any time, and for any reason."
Go read it!
http://www.archaeology.org/online/features/hierakonpolis/zombies.html
steveha
lf(1): it's like ls(1) but sorts filenames by extension, tersely
The synopsis of TFA does say at the very top: "A tongue-in-cheek article just published by the Archaeological Institute of America". Some people just read the headline and then post "Why would they write this?!" I mean, I can understand not reading TFA, but at least read TF article synopsis!
The references to the Zombie Survival Guide weren't enough?
OK, then look at the choice quotes of a poster just below:
http://science.slashdot.org/comments.pl?sid=354929&cid=21289339
Cough
Help Me! I'm trapped in the tubes! Oh noes! Here comes a internet!
Finally, valid scientific evidence surfaces! The plague is spreading. Hurry over to IfYouWereAZombie.com to tell your loved ones how you feel before they become a walking corpse. Because once they're a zombie, it's too late to say you care...
I would like to offer the proposition that scientific humor is targeted for a limited audience and that the form of the publication often parodies that of field-appropriate journals. This later point often makes the joke difficult to translate. It's like having a punchline in a monologue where the timing is badly off. Other elements often depend on an understanding of subtle word play or field specific terminology. This is not to say that scientific humor cannot be understood by non-scientists, but merely that non-scientists are much less likely to find it funny.
One of my personal favorites was published nearly eight years ago. This was a study on diyttrium potassium which was published in Science. I don't have a link to the original (and more humorous -- at least to me -- article), but maybe this one will do.
Should the proposition above not resonate, let me offer this second theory. Scientists generally spend too many hours in the lab, in the field, or at the computer. This has resulted in an atrophied sense of humor such that anything beyond this level of funniness could prove fatal. Believe what you will.
Given one hour to live, the student replied: "I'd spend it with professor FP who can make an hour seem like a lifetime."
Solanum's a fictional viruses, in a real book.
The Zombie Survival Guide
Judging by the way W handled Harkin Oil, I have to disagree with the thirsty part.
It goes from God, to Jerry, to me.
GP is probably in a different time zone.
It goes from God, to Jerry, to me.
"So I saw the fictitious Solanum virus in the missing brain of a headless mummy." Said the blind man to his deaf daughter standing in the corner of the round hut.
Excuse me, but please get off my Pennisetum Clandestinum, eh!
Are you from Digg or YouTube?
Cheeky sods.
Si hoc legere scis nimium eruditionis habes.
for slashdot, great story guys
True, the current administration is beyond simple brainlessness mixed with darkest evil. Don't you miss the days when the only thing the Zombie In Chief tortured was the English language?
*** *** You're just jealous 'cause the voices talk to me... ***
Who are you, The Sphinx?
Can you be Even More Awesome?!
Just so you know your signature is not in fact ironic. Well, except for being ironic in the sense that it isn't. Also con air reference.
Thanks! You've just given me a new sig!
I can't remember the exact name of the condition, but there is one that causes an extreme reaction to sun, as well as other symptoms such as receding gums (making teeth appear longer etc). Those who "die" are actually sometimes just torporous, and have recover to some extent for awhile. This explains many vampire myths. I've head supposition that the lack of certain key blood cells also may have led those suffering from this syndrome may also find a taste for blood to replace their own lack, but this may be just hearsay.
There are also people who suffer from extreme hair-growth, leading them to appear animalistic and wolflike. These may be the source of werewolf legends. I thought this was clinical Lycanthropy, but that appears to be more of a delusion of being able to shape-shift, so again I'm not sure of the actual name of this condition.
Given the above and many others, it could be possible that zombies were early day sufferers of some disease. Perhaps some form of leprosy... as it would attack the nerves early on, deadening the victims to pain, while the putrification of flesh would make them appear to be the walking dead?
No, people wanting power is the single largest cause of human suffering. Religion is merely the single largest catalyst of human suffering. There's a difference, you know.
Please, for the good of Humanity, vote Obama.
Actually, there are girls on Slashdot. Most of them pretend to be guys.
Please, for the good of Humanity, vote Obama.
There's a one man solution for raptors and zombies and it solves ninjas too!.
Justice is the sheep getting arrested while an impartial judge declares the vote void.
The sum of thousands of years of human suffering at the hands of religious leaders can't hold a candle to the hundreds of millions of deaths at the hands of 20th century dictators, nevermind the suffering worldwide today caused by the western greed. Every single day 10 times as people die due to poverty as were killed by the spanish inquisition, when we in the west waste vast sums on skiing holidays, cosmetics and keeping our appliances on standby. That's 10 million people a year!
The single largest cause of suffering? Greed. For money, power, sex etc. No question. Religion is merely the context in which some people have exercised that greed.
You can't win Darth. If you mod me down, I shall become more powerful than you could possibly imagine
5. an outcome of events contrary to what was, or might have been, expected.
In fact it is ironic so long as you don't accept the notion that all anti-gay Republicans are in fact gay. Now...it is less ironic now than it was originally because 2 more Republicans have gotten busted soliciting gay sex in the last 2 months or so. So you could argue that the outcome of events IS what is expected now. Either way it is still damned funny that each one of the clowns voted to make discriminating against gays A-OK and then they get busted soliciting gay sex whether you expected them to do that or not.
The only change I can believe in is what I find in my couch cushions.
Joseph Stalin, who purged religion from the state, is directly responsible for 5 to 7 million deaths, and another 30 to 60 million indirectly - meaning, with sanction through direct policy or by external forces under his approval. In totality, he alone probably accounts for more atrocities than all others of historical infamy combined.
In Soviet Gulag, religion finds you!
I hope, when they die, cartoon characters have to answer for their sins.
The takeover took place in 2000. The occupation took another month after that--if you'll recall, there were some delays in getting out of Florida.
Stalin kept referring to how "the wheel of history" was on his side, with as little evidence as anyone who claims that God is on their side.
This makes Slashdot anti-IRC. If Slashdot and IRC ever collide they will annihilate emitting enough raw productivity to cause the Internet to collapse.
I am TheRaven on Soylent News
Mmmm. Wonder what type of monster will infest the Whitehouse next year... :P
They were immortals! Everyone knows they can only be killed by decapitation.
I wonder... did said PowerPoint presentation have the obligatory last slide proclaiming "WALLA!" ?
Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk?
Great Old Ones, obviously.
You're not looking at it the right way. Deaths should be looked at with respect to proportion, not numbers. In many cases suffering was equal if not worse to modern day suffering. You say ten times more people die today? Well, there we ten times less people "yesterday". Population growth is exponential, as is mortality. They correlate quite nicely.
Now just so you know. I do agree with you with respect to the causes. All of the same vices still exist that create suffering today. If you want more proof on this subject look at primate societies. All chimpanzee societies have warfare. It's quite brutal also. Interestingly enough, mortality rates among chimps are usually greater than that of humans. But only if you look at proportionally.
So saying suffering is worse today isn't quite right, but the fact is that we (Prols, as Orwell would put it) possess the greatest means to end it and yet we do nothing because we are too sparsely united and so greatly divided by culture and ideology. The second of which is greatly controlled by religion.
"Religion is the source of all evil!"
"But what about all the atheists who murdered tens of millions of people?"
"Clearly they were religious, because they were evil!"
If you look at the biggest mass murderers in history- Stalin, Hitler, Mao, Pol Pot- only Hitler claimed to be religious. Mankind's real problem is that we're a race of assholes, and we like to claim that we're being a asshole for some greater purpose. No one says "I'm killing these defenseless people because it's convenient and profitable" they say "God told me to kill them all" or "I'm killing them all for the greater good" or "They aren't real people anyway, this book I have says so". What did you think Stalin was going to say?
I'm now going to give you this equally unsound counter-argument, also done through mangling definitions to suit my needs:
True religious people are never evil.
Therefore, all evil is done by people who aren't truly religious.
You are reading a copy of my copyrighted post.
No, it causes suffering. By it's very nature it promotes ignorance, substitute 'belief' for facts, and is so insidious it cause other people to do harm while they are convinced they are doing good.
And people use it for a catalyst as well.
The Kruger Dunning explains most post on
I congratulate you on referencing two of my favorite shows. You, sir, earn a gold-geek-star.
Skiffy is Spiffy, but Ort is tort.
Joseph Stalin, who purged religion from the state, is directly responsible for 5 to 7 million deaths, and another 30 to 60 million indirectly
If Russia hadn't been dominated for centuries by its orthodox church, neither Stalin nor the mass killings would have been possible.
The sum of thousands of years of human suffering at the hands of religious leaders can't hold a candle to the hundreds of millions of deaths at the hands of 20th century dictators,
Religion was responsible for the very existence of many of those dictators, and often supported them.
The single largest cause of suffering? Greed. For money, power, sex etc. No question. Religion is merely the context in which some people have exercised that greed.
"Merely the context"? That is exactly the problem with religions: they create "contexts" and conditions in which people can get away with murder, oppression, and genocide.
In different words, we can't abolish greed--it is human nature. But we can try to create social institutions that limit it and channel it into beneficial directions; religions have proven that they are incapable of doing so.
It wasn't the zombies... You can't blame them for everything! Basically, it went something like this...
...Time passes...
American People: We want.... A SHRUBBERY!
*creepy music*
Republicans: What!?
American People: One that looks nice... And not too expensive... NOW GO!
Republicans: We couldn't find a shrubbery, but we found a slightly-warped bush. If we chain a few of them together, it would kind of be a shrubbery, wouldn't it?
And that, ladies and gentlemen, is how we got Bush and Chainy-- Err, Cheney.
This is why I'm a programmer, not a comedian.
"The amount of intelligence on this planet is a constant. The population is growing." -Cole's Axiom
Hahaha I love how the moderation for this post has gone up and down so drastically. It started out at my usual 2 points, went up to +5 insightful for a short time, down to +1 insightful with a bunch of "flamebait" and "overrated", went back up to +4 insightful this morning, and now just got a bunch of "overrated", so it's back down to +1 insightful. I'm anxious to see what happens next! :D
This is just not as interesting as it should have been!
Beautiful women killing monsters, it just doesn't get any better.
I killed da wabbit -Elmer Fudd
Joseph Stalin, who purged religion from the state, is directly responsible for 5 to 7 million deaths, and another 30 to 60 million indirectly - meaning, with sanction through direct policy or by external forces under his approval. In totality, he alone probably accounts for more atrocities than all others of historical infamy combined.
Except you're dead wrong.
Stalin did not purge religion from the state, he merely made the communist state the new god. All of the same flaws, problems and atrocities inherent in religion were still there, he just changed "god" to "the State".
It's still a religion and as such massively damaging.
Mushroom mushroom!
I think any reasonably dispassionate view of history would show that those institutions that paid least respect to the actual teachings religion, at least with respect to Christianity, are those responsible for most suffering. Sure, there are many who pay lip-service to the teachings and those who co-opt the religious organisations for their own purposes, but the only real examples we have of totally irreligious bodies with the kind of power that could be used that way are the communist states of the 20th Century, and they were almost universally terrible. There have been thousands upon thousands of religious bodies and kingdoms with religious contexts, and only a few of those have been really horrible, but there have only been a few examples of anti-theist governments and they have been much worse as a proportion.
You say that religions have proven incapable of controlling greed, but I think they're still better than any alternative.
You can't win Darth. If you mod me down, I shall become more powerful than you could possibly imagine
so what you're saying is that the death caused by our western greed is only 1 spanish inquisition per day rather than 10? Oh that's OK then. I'll sleep much sounder in bed tonight knowing that!
I really think that actually the reason we don't do anything about it is that we simple care more about looking good and having more stuff than those around us than we do about people who are dying half a world away. Fundamentally its that our greed overrules our compassion, and if we really did follow the teachings of Jesus, then we'd not let that happen.
You can't win Darth. If you mod me down, I shall become more powerful than you could possibly imagine