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Sophos Releases Klingon Language Version

Posted by ScuttleMonkey on from the a-for-effort dept.

Bantu1 writes to mention an attention grab by anti-virus company Sophos, which is now offering a Klingon language version of their popular anti-virus software. Now Qo'nos too can be completely safe from the storm. If only we could see a Sophos logo in the next Paramount endeavor, the cycle would be complete.

94 comments

  1. May I be the first to say... by Akido37 · · Score: 3, Insightful

    wtf?

    1. Re:May I be the first to say... by MozeeToby · · Score: 4, Interesting

      I'm about to commit a cardinal sin of slashdot, but I don't care.

      Bring back idle

      At least when all this worthless, not even funny 'news' was on idle, I could filter it out of my front page. Now it's in every category: news, entertainment, IT... Just put it in the corner somewhere so that those of us that don't want it don't have to see it.

    2. Re:May I be the first to say... by AKAImBatman · · Score: 4, Insightful

      Bring back idle

      FOR THE LOVE OF GOD NOOOOOOO!!!!!!

      Oh, and it didn't go anywhere. It's still sitting behind the scenes, watching, waiting, getting ready to threaten our intelligence and very existence!

      As for this story however, it is actually "News for Nerds". Even if it doesn't matter.

      --
      Javascript + Nintendo DSi = DSiCade
    3. Re:May I be the first to say... by Jugalator · · Score: 2, Insightful

      wtf?

      Advertisement. And it worked!

      --
      Beware: In C++, your friends can see your privates!
    4. Re:May I be the first to say... by TheRaven64 · · Score: 1

      Totally agree. Idle was bad, but at least you could turn it off. Please take these things off the front page and put them back somewhere they should be, like idle or digg.

      --
      I am TheRaven on Soylent News
    5. Re:May I be the first to say... by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      Saphos erotica? [homer simpson]Oh....sOphos...[/homer simpson]

    6. Re:May I be the first to say... by lateral · · Score: 1

      wtf?

      Score:3, Wordsmith.

      L.

    7. Re:May I be the first to say... by nametaken · · Score: 2, Insightful

      "$Header: index.html,v 1.2 2009/05/08 14:53:14 james Web page status: Draft 0.8. Req action: Mktg to review wording and imagery (better screenshots required etc..), and QA to check links. Expected launch date: July 2009. Software status: Ready. $"

      Except oddly, it looks like this is a leak.

    8. Re:May I be the first to say... by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      I'm about to commit a cardinal sin of slashdot, but I don't care.

      Bring back idle

      At least when all this worthless, not even funny 'news' was on idle, I could filter it out of my front page. Now it's in every category: news, entertainment, IT... Just put it in the corner somewhere so that those of us that don't want it don't have to see it.

      You don't have to read it but you chose to do so so you can whine. Just like me reading your meaningless post. Grow up.

    9. Re:May I be the first to say... by SlashWombat · · Score: 0, Flamebait

      Only nerds with a low IQ ... It really is insulting to the rest of the nerds.

      This is akin to the religious freaks that speak in tongues.

    10. Re:May I be the first to say... by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      Um. Privately held company? 'nuff said?

  2. Tribbles!!! by Raistlin77 · · Score: 3, Informative

    "Use Sophos's Klingon Anti-Virus to quickly perform an on-demand scan and find viruses, spyware, adware, zero-day threats, Betazoid sub-ether porn diallers and Tribbles that your existing protection might have missed. The software can be run without deactivating your current anti-virus software. Phasers can be left set to stun."

    Haha!

    1. Re:Tribbles!!! by TinBromide · · Score: 1

      Here I was thinking that tribbles would be fairly evident in the presence of a klingon and wouldn't require a scan to find.

      --
      Is it sad that I am more likely to recognize you and your posts by your sig than your name or UID?
    2. Re:Tribbles!!! by HTH+NE1 · · Score: 1

      "Use Sophos's Klingon Anti-Virus to quickly perform an on-demand scan and find... Tribbles that your existing protection might have missed.

      I breed my own Glommers to keep my home Tribble-free.

      --
      Oh, say does that Star-Spangled Banner entwine / The myrtle of Venus with Bacchus's vine?
    3. Re:Tribbles!!! by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      Phasers can be left set to stun."

      Haha!

      What self-respecting Klingon has a stun setting let alone uses it?

      Klingon weapon settings tend to look like the following:

      ( ) Kill
      (X) Kill (+Agony)
      ( ) Kill (+Agony +Giblets)

  3. Klingon Linux distro by Spy+Handler · · Score: 3, Interesting

    I would've thought the first major software with Klingon support would've been a Linux distro.

    Or is there already such a thing...?

    1. Re:Klingon Linux distro by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      Gentoo.

    2. Re:Klingon Linux distro by Raistlin77 · · Score: 3, Informative

      See http://www.lanana.org/docs/unicode/unicode.txt - scroll down to "Klingon language support"...

    3. Re:Klingon Linux distro by Vandilizer · · Score: 1

      Well yes, of course

      Ubuntu 8.10, you can get it here:
      http://klingbuntu.wizage.net/

    4. Re:Klingon Linux distro by Abreu · · Score: 1

      Well yes, of course

      Ubuntu 8.10, you can get it here:
      http://klingbuntu.wizage.net/

      [facepalm]

      --
      No sig for the moment.
    5. Re:Klingon Linux distro by eggfoolr · · Score: 1

      Why would the Klingons use such a geeky OS as Linux? I'm pretty sure they're using the more warrior like operating environment, IBM System 3.

      Why they need anti-virus for M$, I have no idea. Maybe it's integrated in their transporter?

    6. Re:Klingon Linux distro by BobMcD · · Score: 4, Funny

      This isn't really in Klingon, though, is it? It just 'brings together some of the best in Klingon art, music and applications'...

      That's all well and good, but without the language, etc, would any true Klingon actually use it?

      THIS is why Linux isn't ready for the Klingon Desktop...

    7. Re:Klingon Linux distro by MobileTatsu-NJG · · Score: 1

      I would've thought the first major software with Klingon support would've been a Linux distro.

      "The kill button takes up most of the screen!"

      --

      "I like to lick butts!" by MobileTatsu-NJG (#32700246) (Score:5, Informative)

    8. Re:Klingon Linux distro by mysidia · · Score: 1

      Been there done that, if you look at the Languages menu in Mac OS X, you will find " tlhIngan Hol"

      Also, there is a package for Ubuntu.

    9. Re:Klingon Linux distro by tlhIngan · · Score: 1

      See http://www.lanana.org/docs/unicode/unicode.txt - scroll down to "Klingon language support"...

      Alas, Klingon did not make it into the Unicode script - it was proposed (and there's a copy of the proposal to give it Unicode codepoints for it), but in the end, it didn't get approved...

      I'm not sure what's at those codepoints that were proposed, but maybe if enough people just start using them, we can unofficially make it part of a extended Unicode standard?

    10. Re:Klingon Linux distro by realnrh · · Score: 3, Funny

      Klingons have a fondness for Windows because they hear it has lots of COM-BAT files.

      --
      Long? What do you mean the signature at the bottom of every comment I post on Slashdot is too lo
    11. Re:Klingon Linux distro by belmolis · · Score: 1

      'm not sure what's at those codepoints that were proposed, but maybe if enough people just start using them, we can unofficially make it part of a extended Unicode standard?

      No, that's the wrong approach. Creating a conflict with Unicode Consortium decisions will just be inconvenient for people and make the Consortium mad. The right approach is to encode Klingon in the Private Use Area. This has already been done. The encoding is registered at the Conscript Registry. The Klingon range is F8D0-F8FF. James Kass's Code2000 font includes Klingon glyphs using the Conscript codepoint assignments.

  4. Ahem. by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Funny

    What pitiful Klingon would need anti-virus protection? A true warrior relishes at the opportunity to die the perfect death at the hands of Canadian Pharmacy pop-ups.

    Where can I find this dishonored warrior?

    1. Re:Ahem. by Locke2005 · · Score: 3, Funny

      Klingon reaction to virus: "Perhaps today IS a good day to have Conficker wipe out all my files!"

      --
      I've abandoned my search for truth; now I'm just looking for some useful delusions.
    2. Re:Ahem. by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      KHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANFICKER!

  5. Hmmm.... by robinsonne · · Score: 1

    I must have missed that memo in the latest newsletter they send me every other day.

  6. Klingon's use Windows by MacColossus · · Score: 1

    Should be be happy or offended that Sophos assumes Klingons use Windows and not Linux or Mac OS X?

    1. Re:Klingon's use Windows by robinsonne · · Score: 1

      Sophos has a MAC OSX version of their software or did I just whoosh myself?

    2. Re:Klingon's use Windows by dreemernj · · Score: 3, Funny

      Klingons don't use WIMP interfaces.

      A real warrior carves bits onto his harddrive with the tip of his Bat`leth.

      --
      1 (short ton / firkin) = 89.1432354 slugs / keg
    3. Re:Klingon's use Windows by auric_dude · · Score: 2, Funny

      No, Window's clings on despite our best efforts to flush it away.

    4. Re:Klingon's use Windows by MacColossus · · Score: 1

      They do have a Mac and Linux version, but the Klingon version is only available for Windows according to their site.

    5. Re:Klingon's use Windows by Linker3000 · · Score: 1

      "Today is a good day to crash!"

      --
      AT&ROFLMAO
    6. Re:Klingon's use Windows by powerlord · · Score: 2, Funny

      A real warrior does not use Operating Systems that coddle you like OSX.

      A real warrior does not hide behind the security of a Linux install.

      A real warrior relishes the eternal battle between himself, his operating system and those that would cunningly infect your system.

      Windows is obviously the only choice for honorable combat.

      --
      This space for rent. All reasonable inquiries will be entertained at proprietors discretion.
    7. Re:Klingon's use Windows by fluffy99 · · Score: 1

      I doubt they WINE much about it either.

  7. uu by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    .uu mi badri

  8. Heard in the HQ by Randseed · · Score: 4, Interesting

    "This virus has no honor! You dishonorable top'aQ! Defend yourself!"

    1. Re:Heard in the HQ by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      The notion that any self-respecting Klingon would use an antivirus program is preposterous. What Klingon wouldn't love to battle with anything?

    2. Re:Heard in the HQ by princessproton · · Score: 1

      When a virus is successfully detected and eliminated the alert is a hearty "Q'apla!".

      --
      I'm always positive; it's my nature.
  9. as long as.. by MoFoQ · · Score: 1

    as long as there are no rights of ascension or duels to the death involved (though I'd love to see a bat'leth fight....more over...just love to say the word "bat'leth").

    u know...maybe that's why there are lots of viruses out in the world....if there were Klingons who would slay you if you were to write a virus and it f's up their computers...well...that should be the best deterrent if any.
    just imagine the thought of a bat'leth gutting them would discourage a lot of virus writers (at least the scriptkiddies anyways)

    bet there are no viruses in Sto-vo-kor.

  10. Klingon software is *NOT* released... by mangu · · Score: 2, Interesting

    ... it *escapes* leaving a bloody trail...

  11. I almost feel sorry for them.... by nrasch · · Score: 1

    I almost feel sorry for them....

    With all the 'your using our IP' cry baby-ness going on, I'm sure lawyers will be sending them take down requests in droves.

    There is at least one story every day on ./ about some corporation whining and threatening about things like this. :(

    Maybe that is why they didn't fully finish the page.... ;P :Quote:
    Why did we translate it into Klingon?
      Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipiscing elit. Duis consequat odio vel risus fermentum at hendrerit sapien malesuada. :End Quote:

  12. Why? by jez9999 · · Score: 3, Insightful

    From the webpage:

    Why did we translate it into Klingon?
    <Need some blurb here> Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipiscing elit. Duis consequat odio vel risus fermentum at hendrerit sapien malesuada. </end blurb>

    I'm guessing that's Klingon for 'God fucking knows'.

    --
    == Jez ==
    Do you miss Firefox? Try Pale Moon.
    1. Re:Why? by Locke2005 · · Score: 1

      Why did we translate it into Klingon?

      Fortunately, there is a musical answer to that question: here

      --
      I've abandoned my search for truth; now I'm just looking for some useful delusions.
    2. Re:Why? by j_ham3 · · Score: 1
      Also, did you notice the header? The web page isn't finished.

      $Header: index.html,v 1.2 2009/05/08 14:53:14 james Web page status: Draft 0.8. Req action: Mktg to review wording and imagery (better screenshots required etc..), and QA to check links. Expected launch datehttp://entertainment.slashdot.org/article.pl?sid=09/05/18/2018218#: July 2009. Software status: Ready. $

    3. Re:Why? by Trecares · · Score: 1

      That's not Klingon. It looks like Latin. Plugged it into a online translator, but only got a partial translation.

      Trecares

    4. Re:Why? by princessproton · · Score: 3, Informative

      It looks similar to Latin, but actually it's just frequently used nonsense placeholder text.

      --
      I'm always positive; it's my nature.
    5. Re:Why? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      It's not supposed to be Klingon, it's lorem ipsum. It means they haven't finished the page. The download is in Klingon. I think. Pretty sure it's not Lorem Ipsum anyway.

  13. Good Grief. by Frosty+Piss · · Score: 0, Troll

    Honestly, anti-virus and Web security in general is no joking matter. The days where you hired the goofy Trekie kid who hacked your system to do your security are long gone. Can these people be trusted to be on the ball while they are dinking around with porting their software to an imaginary Sci-Fi "language"? Not for my company.

    --
    If you want news from today, you have to come back tomorrow.
  14. Well motivated by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    from the link:

    Why did we translate it into Klingon?
    <Need some blurb here> Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipiscing elit. Duis consequat odio vel risus fermentum at hendrerit sapien malesuada. </end blurb>

  15. Obligatory by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    "Klingon software is not 'released.' It escapes, leaving a bloody trail of developers and QA testers in its wake!"

    (No, I don't remember where I heard that from.)

  16. Why am I so ashamed? by BobMcD · · Score: 4, Funny

    Betazoid sub-ether porn diallers

    Why am I so ashamed - to admit that this sounds pretty hot?

    1. Re:Why am I so ashamed? by powerlord · · Score: 1

      New from the Alpha Quadrant:

      Betazoids Gone Wild!!!!

      Just what goes on at those Betazoid Weddings?

      We bring the cameras and you get to see!

      Its like you're actually participating in the joining ceremony and seeing just WHAT all the fuss is about!

      If you like the holo-recording do nothing, and another installment will appear on your PAD next month, cancel at any time.

      Betazoids Gone WILD!!!

      Act now and reserve for your free copy of: "When Founders Attack!" Newly recorded in the Gamma Quadrant!

      --
      This space for rent. All reasonable inquiries will be entertained at proprietors discretion.
    2. Re:Why am I so ashamed? by adavies42 · · Score: 1

      Betazoid sub-ether porn diallers

      Why am I so ashamed - to admit that this sounds pretty hot?

      should i be ashamed or proud that the first thing it brought to my mind was "that's a continuity error--sub-ether is hitchhiker's guide technobabble!"?

      --
      Media that can be recorded and distributed can be recorded and distributed.
      -kfg
    3. Re:Why am I so ashamed? by DNS-and-BIND · · Score: 1

      No, it's not "sub-ether", it's "sub-etha". Jeez, if you're going to nerd out about something, at least be correct about it. Kind of defeats the purpose of nerdiness otherwise.

      --
      Shutting down free speech with violence isn't fighting fascism. It IS fascism!
    4. Re:Why am I so ashamed? by adavies42 · · Score: 1

      i always took that to be the brand name, and something of a play on non-rhotic english accents.

      --
      Media that can be recorded and distributed can be recorded and distributed.
      -kfg
  17. Paramount? by nizo · · Score: 1

    Can't Paramount sue them for the money they will make off of the four copies they sell (plus damages)?

    --
    I Am My Own Worst Enemy
    1. Re:Paramount? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      What rights would you say Sophos is infringing on with the Klingon language "localization" of their antivirus software? I'll grant that the web page text is rife with trademarked terms, but the software itself seems to be a straightforward translation of their Windows program.

  18. Oh crap! by KneelBeforeZod · · Score: 3, Funny

    We've DECLOAKED!!! If only we had used anti-virus software. Noooooo!!! *kaboom*

    1. Re:Oh crap! by gardyloo · · Score: 1

      What -- a Non-Screen Of Death?

  19. ERROR by Tablizer · · Score: 2, Funny


    ERROR: maximum geekativity threshold reached. Product STOPPED.

    --
    Table-ized A.I.
  20. Nothing wrong with this by selven · · Score: 1

    Google search has an interface in:

    Elmer Fudd (Google seawch for those wascaly wabbits)

    Hacker (aka 13375p34k)

    Klingon

    Bork Bork Bork (I don't even know what that is)

    1. Re:Nothing wrong with this by russlar · · Score: 2, Informative

      Bork Bork Bork (I don't even know what that is)

      Sweedish Chef, from the Muppet Show.

      --
      Anybody want my mod points?
  21. leaked? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    Did no one notice this little header at the top of the page:

    $Header: index.html,v 1.2 2009/05/08 14:53:14 james Web page status: Draft 0.8. Req action: Mktg to review wording and imagery (better screenshots required etc..), and QA to check links. Expected launch date: July 2009. Software status: Ready. $

    Who reported this link? A Sophos employee?

  22. Great business move by MobileTatsu-NJG · · Score: 5, Funny

    Bantu1 writes to mention an attention grab by anti-virus company Sophos who is now offering a Klingon language version of their popular anti-virus software.

    First time I've seen an anti-virus company release a birth control product!

    --

    "I like to lick butts!" by MobileTatsu-NJG (#32700246) (Score:5, Informative)

    1. Re:Great business move by Ambiguous+Coward · · Score: 1

      Babies: the worst infection out there.

      --
      Their may be a grammatical error, misspeling, or evn a typo in this post.
  23. klingon? by gintoki · · Score: 1

    I am not joking when i say this. Until about a year ago I actually thought that klingon was some programming language. Only learned what it was when I heard people talk about the star trek film and mentioned the word. Asked them what it was and boy was I surprised. I really felt like a an idiot.

    1. Re:klingon? by cptnapalm · · Score: 1

      I presume that you have handed in your slashdot account resignation?

    2. Re:klingon? by Nazlfrag · · Score: 1

      No, you're thinking of Var'aq.

    3. Re:klingon? by gintoki · · Score: 1

      That might have been the root of the confusion. But I don't think that I have ever heard of Var'aq. Now more to the point...are you serious? There is actually a programming language that works with a fake made up language?

    4. Re:klingon? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      I am not joking when i say this. Until about a year ago I actually thought that klingon was some programming language. Only learned what it was when I heard people talk about the star trek film and mentioned the word. Asked them what it was and boy was I surprised. I really felt like a an idiot.

      Ahahahahahaha!

      You are not the idiot.

    5. Re:klingon? by Nazlfrag · · Score: 1

      Browse some more at esolangs.org, and just imagine the pointless creativity has some sane, rational basis even though it doesn't.

  24. Re:May I be the first to say... May *I* say: by davidsyes · · Score: 2, Insightful

    KAM CHE CHAMI CHEK!

    Picard: KAM CHE CHAMI CHEK!

    Gowron (smiling): You swear WELL in Klingon, Picard....

    --
    Previously: "Linux... Toward the Sunrise..." Now: "Linux... Toward the-- No, now, part of Every Sunrise"
  25. I guess by Sycraft-fu · · Score: 1

    They figured it'd be a better use of their time than, you know, actually writing a virus scanning engine that doesn't suck and take half your CPU.

    1. Re:I guess by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      Wow. So the best use of your time is criticising Sophos Klingon nerds who actually did something in a back-water discussion between other Klingon nerds? Dude, you rock.

  26. Product Placement by isorox · · Score: 2, Interesting

    If only we could see a Sophos logo in the next Paramount endeavor, the cycle would be complete.

    After having Kirk with a nokia mobile phone, and drinking Budweiser, I fully expect Uhura will be running emails from the Klingons through her Sophos package in the next film.

    1. Re:Product Placement by realnrh · · Score: 1

      That brings up a thought. If he had been driving a Kia with a built-in Nokia, would the two have cancelled out and left him just zooming along by himself?

      --
      Long? What do you mean the signature at the bottom of every comment I post on Slashdot is too lo
    2. Re:Product Placement by syn3rg · · Score: 1

      Heh -- nice.

      --
      The contents of this message have been doubly encrypted by ROT13
  27. Boring by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    Now, if Rossetta Stone came out with Elvish, Dwarfish and Klingon products...THEN i'd be interested.

  28. Anonymous Coward by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    Did anybody even notice the HTML source code?
    Check the comments.

  29. Wait a minute by Trogre · · Score: 1

    Mozilla wants to kill tabbed browsing, The Hard Drive Is Inside The Computer, and now Sophos in Klingon? Is 19 May a significant day I wasn't previously aware of? Second Fools Day or something?

    --
    "Nine times out of ten, starting a fire is not the best way to solve the problem." - my wife
  30. Make it so by spaceman375 · · Score: 1

    When is Rosetta Stone going to include Klingon?
    I'd actually give it a shot if they did.

    --
    On the one hand you take life too seriously, and on the other, you do not take playful existence seriously enough. Seth
    1. Re:Make it so by bsDaemon · · Score: 1

      Probably about the same time they include Elvish and Esperanto as well.

    2. Re:Make it so by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      The Rosetta Stone people actually visited the Klingon Language Institute in 1996 to look into making a Klingon language learning tool. It turns out that their typical beginner lessons work by showing pictures of animals and foods. Terms for typical real-world animals and foods are, not unreasonably, absent from the Klingon vocabulary. The proposed project was shelved at that point.

  31. Expected launch date: July 2009 by iammiscreant · · Score: 1

    from http://www.sophos.com/klingon-anti-virus/ $Header: index.html,v 1.2 2009/05/08 14:53:14 james Web page status: Draft 0.8. Req action: Mktg to review wording and imagery (better screenshots required etc..), and QA to check links. Expected launch date: July 2009. Software status: Ready. $

  32. A few more fun things on the site by Alystair · · Score: 2, Informative

    Check out the release notes, and the source code for the page for more comedy. I wish other sites had hidden back-talk between the developers :)

    1. Re:A few more fun things on the site by Unexpof · · Score: 1

      I am clinically fascinated by the product video they made for this:

      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B6XD2zGtvAM

      It features a backing track of "YMCA" translated into Klingons (thank goodness there are subtitles so I can join in)

      Who needs to buy drugs after watching that?

  33. Example Of Use by BigBlueOx · · Score: 1

    Sophos:"We have detected a viral anomaly in disk sector 1A10BC"

    Me:"Captain, We have detected a viral anomaly in disk sector 1A10BC?"

    Sophos (grudgingly):"Captain, We have detected a viral anomaly in disk sector 1A10BC"

    Me:"What are you waiting for? Go kill them!"

    Sophos (indignantly):"I don't kill viruses, I jail them"

    Me:"Huh. Some goddamn Klingon you are!"

  34. geeks in the source by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    ha - check out the source code on www.sophos.com/klingon-anti-virus for awful geek conversation
    also i tried to install it but came up against a problem when I could understand it enough to get through one of the screens - but this securitywatch page tells you how

    now is anyone actually going to find out if this is a real translation or not?

  35. So it seems Sophos have cleaned it up! by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    Check out Mr Cluley's explanation of the screw up: http://www.sophos.com/blogs/gc/
    "trust me, you never want to upset a Klingon's grandma"
    ha!