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Smart Underwear Designed For Military
A team of scientists at the University of California San Diego, led by nano-engineering professor Joseph Wang, has designed some high-tech underwear that may save lives. Sensors in the waistband can monitor a person's blood pressure, heart rate, and other vital signs. The designers also hope that one day the underwear can release drugs to relieve pain and treat wounds. From the article: "But the technology's range of application goes beyond the military. 'We envision all the trend of personalized medicine for remote monitoring of the elderly at home, monitoring a wide range of biomedical markers, like cardiac markers, alerting for any potential stroke, diabetic changes, and other changes related to other biomedical scenario,' said Wang. Wearable biosensors can also provide valuable information to athletes or even measure blood alcohol levels."
I'll totally mod up the first person who makes a joke about a guy named Wang heading up military underwear research. Doh!
for that special moment
Once Smart Underwear catches on in the public, it'll become just a regular technology, like a cell phone.
Now guys, how many times have you seen girls check out another girl's phone when she buys a new one? How many times have you been able to go, "Hey, can I see your phone?" and they'll whip it out and show it to you.
One day, it'll be as easy as "Hey, can I see your Smart Underwear?" and she'll be like "Can I see yours too?".
Trust me, this is going to be awesome.
But does it come in boxers as well as briefs?
âoeAny society that would give up a little liberty to gain a little security will deserve neither and lose both.
Now I have to worry about my underwear invading my privacy too? That's it, game over.
Digitial paaaants..... ACTIVATE!
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...I'm here for the debriefing sir.
"Before God we are all equally wise - and equally foolish"
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Seems they were up for a Good Spacekeeping Seal of Approval - before Jane found they had to be Dry Clean only.
A feeling of having made the same mistake before: Deja Foobar
The next version will activate the self-cleaning system after it hears the sound of an artillery barrage.
Sheesh, evil *and* a jerk. -- Jade
Heat, cool, and massage.
These are completely useless for commandos.
Sheesh, evil *and* a jerk. -- Jade
or even measure blood alcohol levels
While one might immediately see value in a product like this for Lindsay Lohan, keep in mind she rarely wears underpants.
So they will be able to tell what soldiers handle the action better judged on if they shit themselves or not? And all remotely? Is there anything technology can't do?
Does it also include a fecal material sensor hooked up to the radio, so the underwear can automatically call for help in a "crap your pants" situation?
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come with its own software including a version of clippy?
"i see you are pissing, would you like help with that?"
Or how about Viagra when they sense foreplay? That would make a hojillion dollars. Add in a mild heater to combat shrinkage on those cold nights, and you have yourself a winner.
Idle is indeed pants?
Maybe this technology can be used in an alcohol sensing underwear application for remote enforcement of certain criminal sentences. Ah, who am I kidding, Lindsay Lohan doesn't wear it often enough to be effective anyway. Making a pair she had to keep on 24/7 would probably kill her.
AAAAHZING!
But does it measure methane emissions?
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Heh, I will forever associate the HEV suit with the rope elevator on the Lost Coast level.
I'd love to see the readings off of a pair of these things when someone got an unexpected wedgie.
Also interesting, it seems this could be the first step towards a suit of medical power armor. Who'd have guessed that such a great item would have started inside your pants?
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Didja read that the officers' version of the Medical Briefs can actually read more vital signs than the enlisted version? Yeah, it's not because officers' lives are more important or anything, it's just that it's easier for the Medical Briefs to read pupil dilation when the officer in question has his head up his ass.
"A government is a body of people usually -- notably -- ungoverned." -Shepherd Book
Tethering to your partner. A little WiFi. A virtual hotspot. Endless.
Go Go Gadget Tighty Wighties?
Big deal. 23 years ago I developed a pair that could monitor nocturnal emissions. Around the same time my girlfriend devloped a pair that could determine with 99.38% accuracy if she was menstruating.
It seems posting "idle is pants" is 100% on-topic today.
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Obligatory Beavis and Butthead reference....
Here are the reasons why it is stupid.
1. Would need to be able to withstand multiple wash cycles. Washing machines are very hard on electronics and sensors.
2. Each person would require multiple pairs of underwear as very few people wash cloths every day.
3. Difficult to replace medications. (Take off your pants. I need to add insulin.)
4. Trans dermal meds are generally low dose. If a soldier needs pain meds I doubt that enough could be administered.
A much better idea would be an arm band that is worn under clothing.
My first thought is: If all of these fancy pants (literally!) biosensors make it so you can't just toss them in the wash, then I don't want it, especially on underwear.
I read the internet for the articles.
that is all.
Seriously, why attach all that tech to the piece of clothing that requires the most frequent washing?
A post a day keeps productivity at bay.
what else can they monitor?
I think we always receive a "vertical" look at the benefits (I.e., monitor blood pressure, heart rate, etc), and these are good in combat. Along with IPv6 addresses on just about all "elements" on a soldier (I.e., smart gear, location equipment, gps, etc), this adds another element of real-time combat monitoring and has a huge potential to monitor/save lives.
But, are we being told everything they can glean with these wondrous new underpants?
L'esperienza de questa dolce vita (The experience of this sweet life) - Dante Alighieri, The Divine Comedy
"Close B Close mode"
"His pants are gone!!"
"Kid! What did you do??"
Right off the bat I can tell you this entire possibility is being posited by someone who never spent a day in uniform. The waistband is the worst possible place for this, from a practical perspective.
Reason being, a fully uniformed soldier already has at his waist line:
underwear
undershirt
pants waistband
pants belt
blouse tail
pistol/equipment belt
when a soldier already has six layers converging at his waist, adding wiring/sensors is not going to be popular. The sensation of peeling embedded underwear waistband out of sweaty flesh is not a positive one.
Before you know it, science will have successfully completed their goal of weaponizing Marky Mark
Let me put on my Smarty Pants ... Has a whole new meaning
-- It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it. -- Aristotle
The idea of smart underwear is actually quite dangerous. The smart part would rely on software. It's one thing to do measurement, but it's a whole new ball game to give software the control to release medicine into the body. I don't think there would some nice UI to prompt you for permission when a certain drug is injected in you.
I'm not sure about the wisdom of putting expensive "smarts" into a garment that gets changed/washed a lot. Wouldn't it be better as a belt?
Or maybe the military don't change them as often.
OTOH this is Slashdot, I'm seeing mystified faces when I say "changed/washed" in the same sentence as "underwear".
No sig today...
because if it can determine what needs to be done it can record the event. What can be recorded can be reported. While the idea of this underwear leads to some mirth it should be acknowledged than any article of clothing can be modified to help the individual as well as monitor and report. While in the context of the infirm and elderly this can provide a boon to hospitals and homes we will need to look at how the information is distributed and kept safe from prying eyes.
Throw in concerns about proper disposal, liability, and reclamation of said clothing as well. While the innovation is a great idea the related issues will need to be addressed.
* Winners compare their achievements to their goals, losers compare theirs to that of others.
Stillsuits WTF!
...Now briefs? You thought the thousand dollar toilet seat was bad, just wait til they start selling the government this new special underwear. If they dye them black, they should at least be able to sell them to the "tacti-cool" crowd: They'll buy anything!
it's a whole new ball game
Is that an attempt at humor? :D
So the other side can just use a scanner to find soldier just my looking for there 100% of the time transmits?
Nice way blow some ones cover.
Inject steroids as pitch is thrown, inject HGH as runner tags from third.
Centuries, plural? It's just been 180 years.
It doesn't hurt to be nice.
1. Steal underpants
2. Upgrade them with high-tech devices and sell them to the military at 10x their original cost
3. Profit!!!
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He shared his strategic plan with me years ago; it sounds like he has filled in a crucial missing step:
1. Collect underwear
2. ???
3. Profit!
in Operation Enduring Freeball?
The designers also hope that one day the underwear can release drugs to relieve pain and treat wounds.
lets hope the enemy don't develop the tech to wirelessly/remotely activate the drug release.....
Well, you wouldn't say "1.8 century", would you? It'd be 1.8 centuries.
...the future crusty old bastards are already drinking the Kool-Aid.
You dont have to wash them that often. You dont have to make many sizes, etc. And it could be a chestband or armband too.
1) The leg holes can automatically become tourniquets when excessive blood loss is detected from a leg.
2) A sensor that can tell when a team or individual is ambushed- it senses urine.
3) Chastity belt (nobody should be having sex whilst in the midst of a combat situation)
4) Shock 'collar' for prisoners (kinda like an individually installed taser to keep them from doing stupid things that would otherwise get them or our guys hurt)
5).... the list goes on....
(Oh, some are meant to be funny, other could work; you decide which are which!)
I hope this comment is well received... I could have moderated instead!
Persecutors will be violated!
Sensors and stuff I can see, that'll be useful. Now painkiller dispensing underpants, that just sounds scary, will that lead to a sudden influx in junkies stealing underwear in the hope that it'll be filled with delicious opiates.
Admit nothing. Deny Everything. Make Counter-accusations.
Just in case, you know, somebody was confused about whether "California" referred to the US state or the city in El Salvador.
Will the new underwear recycle urine and feces for desert warriors?
"He will know your ways, as if born to them..."
Hahahahaha, Dr. Wang....
This signature has The Force
But does it release painkillers when your PETN underware bomb misfires?
"It's the height of ridiculousness to say for those 9 lines you get hundreds of millions."
Hmm.. another conservative ploy to hand out gaydar equipped underwear to combat don't ask don't tell...
The designers also hope that one day the underwear can release drugs
We hope too!
Rome taught me patience and assiduous application to detail. Virtues which temper the boldness of great, general views.
Will this product finally stop the user from experiencing wedgies when going into combat? Also, is auto skid mark removal a feature?
Unless you're a lazy programmer(s).
As a diabetic and keen watcher of tech for said disease, I know the only way to monitor levels like this is with actual sensors stuck into your goddam skin. Yea that's a thin wire that has to sit under the skin (has to have access to blood). There are some things on the horizon most using small chip tech as a sensor. Now about medicine you have to have a good pump (think fake organ like artificial heart). This pump has to be uber tough for military use. And oh yea a pump needs a very large diameter tube to get those meds into your body. Really if we are talkin true control , there would be one tapped into your spine (or any huge arteries), one sub dermal, one inter muscular. So taking these off would rip a cluster out of you, unless they made a port like the Matrix. They could call it a mini-port to make you feel better but still... That's one pair of undies I would skip!
I'm sure they can either make it machine wash proof, or just make the electronic part removable. I have an HRM that has a removable/washable strap and I've heard of washable HRM sports bras.
Multiple pairs of underwear, one sensor module that snaps onto the underwear. Problem solved.
Or hey, just have a refill port that's easily accessible.
They already have insulin pumps; this underwear combined with that and a few other advances will bring us juicers faster than you think.
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I just hope they are machine washable
and under combat conditions, they are likely to show up.
"Captain, we have multiple INDICATIONS from squad Baker."
"Send reinforcements and a gunship at once."
if this is supposed to be a new economy, how come they still want my old fashioned money?
Depends leaks email addresses of 114,000 smart underwear users
... Joe Wang?! for a guy engineering high tech underwear?! And I suppose he is collaborating with joe mama, will hung, and mike hawk?!
*tssssss* Ahhhhh Yeaaaaaaaaahhh! *runs 2x faster*
"We envision all the trend of personalized medicine..."
These are stupid because infantrymen don't wear underwear. They'll rub your balls off on even a few-mile march. You gotta lube up!