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Darth Vader Robs Long Island Bank
Apparently the destruction of the second Death Star has stretched the Galactic Empire's coffers so thin that Lord Vader himself is robbing banks. From the article: "Impotent Rebel Alliance security forces tell Newsday (paywall) that Vader marched into a Chase bank in Setauket around 11:30 a.m. today. Brandishing a completely unnecessary handgun — as he had the power to choke the oxygen out every teller's throat — the fallen Jedi demanded cash."
Hokey religions and ancient weapons are no match for a good blaster at your side, kid......
I want peace on earth and goodwill toward man.
We are the United States Government! We don't do that sort of thing.
Where was Han to shoot first?
move along
But I think playing the Imperial March on a portable speaker while he walked in drew a bit too much attention.
He loses some coolness points for wearing camo pants. No self-respecting Jedi or Sith would be caught dead in them ;)
I want peace on earth and goodwill toward man.
We are the United States Government! We don't do that sort of thing.
One that actually walked into the bank, one that did the voice demanding the money, and one that will go to jail for showing his face for a few seconds.
There's a spot in User Info for World of Warcraft account names? Really?
He'd have stopped the bullets with his gloved hand and then used the Force to disarm the shooter.
At the bank they did not know the power of the Dark Side...
---
"No! Alderaan is peaceful! We have no weapons, you can't possibly... "
Death Star plans not found in main computer.
Calling someone a "hater" only means you can not rationally rebut their argument.
Just go to the next convention, and look for the guy who is no longer living in his mother's basement.
Couldn't Cheney have just gone on a lecture tour like everyone else?
"I find the lack of cash in this paper bag... disturbing."
"If this is a Citibank branch, where is your supervisor?"
How is robbing a bank amusing or entertainment? Just because the guy was in a costume that nerds might think is cool? Uhmm... I don't think so.
File under 'M' for 'Manic ranting'
Darth Vader robbing a bank? Far more cool than the entirety of the prequels.
Freedom is drinking a beer in the park when you're supposed to be at work.
This is actually really smart. Who knows the robber's age/weight/sex? Same logic behind dressing in Santa outfit, though Vader's a bit more suspicious.
All you have to do is literally change out of the outfit into your street clothes (maybe wear a suit and put the costume into a snazzy briefcase) and no one will know the difference.
-- Political fascism requires a Fuhrer.
"Who's gonna give me a loan, jack-hole? You!? You got an ATM on that torso lite-brite!?" - Emperor Palpatine
"I find your lack of interest in your savings accounts disturbing." --- "The ability to destroy a planet is insignificant to a well diversified IRA."--- "Asteroids do not concern me, Teller. I want that ship, not excuses. Now get me a low percentage loan."--- "When I left you I was but an accountant. Now I am the bank manager."
Care killed the cat, but satisfaction brought it back.
May the force be with you.
That's no Bank;
It's a credit union.
This is exactly the sort of news I come here for.
I feel a disturbance in the force, as if millions of dollars cried out in horror, and were then silently showed into a bag.
How much cooler would this story be if he actually used a fake lightsaber to threaten people with?
Operator: Hello Tip line
Caller: Yes I'm calling about the Darth Vader bank robbery
Operator: OK go ahead..
Caller: Yes the guy who did it lives in a galaxy far far away.
Operator: OK how does this help
Caller: Well it doesn't but I know he is on a large moon.. Wait that's no moon it's.. it's... massive......
Operator: Who is this?
Caller: It's Han {static}
Operator: I think we have a bad connection say again
Caller: It's Han {static} and I am near the deathstar located {static}
Operator: OK we have your location we are sending the authorities
Caller: OK can you hear me now?
Operator: Yes.
Caller: OK you will need to fly down the thermal exhaust port and fire a Photon Torpedo
Operator: um why?
Caller: Do you want to catch the guy or not {noise in the background} hold on. SHUT UP CHEWY
{Call cuts off}
When he's arrested, he'll say "The police Force was strong with this one."
Was it:
a. May the cash be with you.
b. If you shoot me, I shall become more powerful than you can possibly imagine.
c. The power to rob a bank is insignificant next to the power of the force.
i'm pretty sure luke wears camo pants on endor, and that's after he's become a jedi. I apologise for the mandatory fanboy pedantry.
(1.21 gigawatts) / (88 miles per hour) = 30 757 874 newtons
The pose in that picture when he's strolling into the bank is absolutely classic. Vader knows how to handle a gun like a professional!
Dumb dumb dumb, dumb d'dumb...
Science is all about firing a drunk pig out of a cannon just to see what happens.
News Reporter: This just in, Darth Vader is now being put into Jail and his cell mate, *overly long pause* Lindsay Lohan.
Maybe it was Chad?
...times are tough. What else are you going to do when the Death Star's runnin' on empty? Do ya think that bank is part of the Rebel Alliance?
Python: 'And then suddenly you have a language which says "we're all stuck with whatever the whiniest coder wants".'
can use the Chewbacca Defense
Why would a Wookiee, an eight-foot tall Wookiee, want to live on Endor, with a bunch of two-foot tall Ewoks? That does not make sense! But more important, you have to ask yourself: What does this have to do with this case? Nothing. Ladies and gentlemen, it has nothing to do with this case! It does not make sense! Look at me. I'm a lawyer defending a Dark Lord of the Sith, and I'm talkin' about Chewbacca! Does that make sense? Ladies and gentlemen, I am not making any sense! None of this makes sense! And so you have to remember, when you're in that jury room deliberatin' and conjugatin' the Emancipation Proclamation, does it make sense? No! Ladies and gentlemen of this supposed jury, it does not make sense! If Chewbacca lives on Endor, you must acquit! The defense rests.
"What do you have an ATM in that chest LiteBrite of yours?"
If the only way you can accept an assertion is by faith, then you are conceding that it can't be taken on its own merits
... his pin number is 1 2 3 4 5.
Does having a witty signature really indicate normality?
Luke I am your Robber.
He might find jabba the hut in prison that turns him from Darth Vader to princes leia.
No. No!! That's not true. That's impossible!
Take off every Sig. For great justice.
walking up to the teller, I wonder if the teller thought, "I have a bad feeling about this"
"In true dialogue, both sides are willing to change" --Thich Nhat Hanh
wut?
Would you hug a bear?
wait.. doesn't he have an ATM in that chest of his?
His mother was killed by Tusken raiders.
Mit der Dummheit kämpfen Götter selbst vergebens
Luke.... I am your robber.
You can only be young once, but you can be immature forever.
no disintegrations
intellectual property law is philosophically incoherent. it is your moral duty to ignore it or sabotage it
Long Island... you'll never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy...
Poor David Prouse, rock bottom indeed. Kinda cool he still fits in the suit.
My other sig is extremely clever...
R2D2 just walks up to any ATM, opens a panel, sticks an interface in, twists a few times, and takes all the cash he wants
he's also good at shutting down trash compactors
intellectual property law is philosophically incoherent. it is your moral duty to ignore it or sabotage it
Have already filled patent infringement lawsuits at the imperial court.
Hokey religions and ancient weapons are no match for a good blaster at your side, kid......
Hokey religions?? Check this out. (This apparently comes courtesy of the Icelandic Atheist Society).
Darth Vader Begging
Ah - finding out the truth must have driven Luke mad. So mad he's willing to hang out with primitive dorky teddy bears. Too bad those bears were supposed to be Wookies...
HASTER!
I don't remember Vader wearing camouflaged cargo pants...
today is spelling optional day.
Vader is described as 6 feet, 2 inches tall, also wearing camouflage pants
What the fuck is wrong with Lucas? I mean the who shot first thing was bad enough, but to put Vader in camo pants?!?
Once the survalence videos are shown, Lucas will send a cease and desist letter to the stations for showing an unlicensed use of the Darth Vadar character...
The bank robber needs to look out though... Lucas might dispatch Boba Fett to catch his for his unlicensed use as well.
Because that would have been classy.
Poor David Prouse, rock bottom indeed.
Yeah, people can't even be bothered to spell his name correctly.
Unable to convert his vast collection of Imperial credits to any modern currency, Darth Vader had to get the money for all those cookies somehow ;)
as he had the power to choke the oxygen out every teller's throat
I don't think the feller who wrote that up is a real Star Wars fan, or very good with figuring out the proper tense to use.
When captured by the police, he let out a terrible cry: "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
Bow-ties are cool.
... LucasFilms has issued a Cease and Desist order against all criminals, past, present and future, to prevent the unlawful acquisition of monetary gains while portraying characters that are the intellectual property of George Lucas.
George has also contacted the NY criminal demanding royalties for this recent public performance...
chown -R us
... the shoe polish he uses to keep his helmet shiny costs him an arm and a leg!
Or was that an arm and two legs?
"The future can only affect the present if there is room to write its influence off as a mistake." - Yakir Aharonov
It would've been more impressive if this was pulled off with a lightsaber. Another robber hit convenience stores with a bat'leth, after all:
http://entertainment.slashdot.org/article.pl?sid=09/02/04/1456240
With the Empire crumbling the recession is hitting everyone hard. The lost construction contracts for Endor and every nearby system that supplied parts to the Death Star has suffered massive layoffs. The Emperor was unavailable for comment at the time of this report. Fox News will have in depth interviews with the other five hundred admirals and joint task force seeking to crush the rebel faction before further acts of terrorism can occur in civilized space. It is not known how Lord Vader survived the first Death Star's destruction only to engage in petty crimes on a primitive world with only one functioning space station. The Sith lords are assuring us that Darth Vader has been stripped of his position, sanctioned and banished to a galaxy far, far away. Should he ever return to the Empire he will be executed immediately for his gross negligence in allowing a rebel shuttle to land on the moon of Endor.
Luke's Camo on Endor does not count towards this comment: Luke was wearing Camo pants in a forest - where they were appropriate.
You will note later when back in town for the after victory celebration, Luke has changed into less retarded clothing to wear in a civilian situation
I think the comment is for not wearing Camo in general, but around town in inappropriate places (like a bank)
robs Darth Vader in Soviet Russia!
Prowse, thanks.
My other sig is extremely clever...
Thankfully we passed the assault sword ban and never again had to worry about people using them for crime.
I want peace on earth and goodwill toward man.
We are the United States Government! We don't do that sort of thing.
As Lord Vader strode from the scene, he was heard saying:
"All to easy."
As Lord Vader strode from the scene, he was heard saying:
"All too easy."
ComicCon weirdness has been taken to a new level apparently, and this didn't even happen in San Diego. Makes you wonder.