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Iran Tried and Failed To Launch a Monkey Into Space
Medevilae writes with a recent report from PopSci's dedicated 'space monkey' news feed that "When Iran indefinitely suspended its plans to launch a monkey into space earlier this month, it was actually because they had already tried and failed. Iranian Deputy Science Minister Mohammad Mehdinejad-Nouri told state media that the Kavoshgar-5 rocket carrying a capsule with a live monkey launched during Shahrivar, which is the Iranian month spanning August 23 to September 22, but the launch was not publicized because it did not accomplish all of its mission objectives. Assuming one of the objectives was to safely carry the monkey to space and back, things don't sound good for the monkey."
They failed to launch a monkey?
Does that mean Ahmadinejad is still on Earth?
"That's the way to do it" - Punch
lol. What a Muslim shit hole.
How many countries just rely on someone else to do the space thing for them?
I can't wait to eat that (now toasted) monkey!
The key question is, what sort of monkey? :) On the serious side, it may indicate their current launch capacity, There's a big difference between a capuchin and a chimp. Yes I know a chimp is an ape, but in common usage they're frequently referred to as a monkey.
I hope it wasn't Michael Nesmith. He was my favorite.
The real Sig captains the Northwestern. This one captains
and yet, 'The West' (I'm a westerner) fears Iran can strike Europe and the US with nukes?
LOL!
Does this mean the folks over at ThinkGeek are deep in mourning???
Maybe one of those random Shakespeare monkeys should have engaged the probability engine. Then things would have been "42"...
and why don't they dedicate 5 pages on wired for the death of this monkey? :P
i believe that this monkey contributed more to mankind than mr Jobs
RIP dear monkey..
Can I kiss the monkey? ACK! Hairball!
would Iran launch their president into space?
I guess they forgot to put bananas in the capsule
Where'd the monkey take his vaction? All over Tehran!
What color were the monkey's eyes? Blue. One blew north, the other blew south....
Iranian NASA. Needs Another Simian Astronaut
There are some people that if they don't know, you can't tell 'em.
There's a couple of these on /. already, plus one poster eager to point out that he was beaten to it.
Are these just unreconstructed racism, or am I missing something? ... and on TFA, someone makes an Obama / Monkey comment in the same vein. Tsk.
Seriously, WTF? It's 2011.
I'd bad enough that I have to call this stuff out, before moving on to the anti-islamic sentiments. BAD Slashdotters. >:(
Who's the Jerk who sold a bunch of monkeys to Iran ?
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jury_nullification
I always hope every country reach their objectives when it comes to space exploration, and Iran is no exception. I hope their next missions will be more successful.
839*929
Monkeys in Outer Space!
I'm trying to teach myself to set people on fire with my mind... Is it hot in here?
Where, by default, you get baptized as Luthern!
Hopefully there wasn't any monkey business on the pad before the launch, causing the failure...
I'm not so sure some of the smug remarks are justified.
The Iranian dude can always snicker about the 'monkeys' on the Challenger and Columbia that didn't quite make it back.
Just wondering if some embedded controller somewhere had been hacked. It seems the Iranian space program would be an obvious target for some unfriendly foreign government to try to cripple. Even if (when?) the Iranians get the bomb they'll need some means of delivering it.
I would imagine it'll be too big to send via diplomatic pouch and their air force is completely outclassed by their main adversaries in the region (Israel and Saudi Arabia). (I don't know if those countries air forces could knock down a low-flying cruise missile, I'd think the cities and oil installations on the gulf might be indefensible). Despite having a few subs, I'd imagine the U.S. Navy tracks them very closely, still a short range attack by mini-subs or suicide speedboat might be possible.
So that leaves space. With their "military" space program being watched very carefully, it appears there will be some sort of ABM system covering U.S. Allies and Europe before they have an intermediate range missile capable of delivering a nuke. That's where their "civilian" program could conceivably come into play. A nuke placed IN ORBIT could go the "long way around" thus avoiding the theater defenses currently being built. Of course the U.S. has anti-sat weapons but they may not cover every approach especially if the weapon deorbits before completing even one revolution. (And it's pretty clear that the U.S. doesnt have the specially equipped F-15 fighters all over the world to cover its allies.).
Finally, who's to say that the U.S. will even know what to shoot down? The Iranians may say they've just launched a monkey into space only to reveal later (maybe MUCH later) that the capsule carrying the presumably now-dead monkey actually has a nuke instead. Even if the U.S. decided to shoot on sight any Iranian "satellite" that started acting funny over the U.S. mainland, it could be too late. An EMP blast before the ASAT weapon gets to it could prove pretty devastating.
That, by the way, is why the Outer Space treaty was put into place; having nukes in orbit was far too destabilizing and would have led to the world being just seconds away from WWIII (instead of the current approximately 30 minutes). Of course if the Iranians are going to ignore the non-proliferation treaty, who's to say they'll honor any others?
So there's a real incentive to deny the Iranians access to orbit. Anybody writing a James Bond script about this?
Is that the monkey came back to earth super intelligent.
I for one, welcome our furry sapiens overlord!
According to Space Nutters, a space program brings all kinds of progress and benefits to a society. Maybe they'll move to Iran now?
Because it's a macho thing to "ignore/cover-up/fake sensor data". With a monkey you can "sorta pretend it is really an astronaut", it makes people get just a tad more serious if someone signs off and then it still goes wrong. If you think someone was playing games you simply say "Show me the monkey!" Bonus Points if it listens to Peter Gabriel on the way up.
My first Journal Entry ever, in 8 years! http://slashdot.org/journal/365947/aphelion-scifi-fantasy-horror-poetry-webzine
I'm not sure what the exchange rate is.
I love Jesus, except for his foreign policy.
Now you understand why we see with a bad feeling : the bullshit with Christian fundamentalism and "we are a Christian nation" with the US having already a nuclear fleet of missiles, and also some of their politics expecting the apocalypse in their lifetime.
Monkey pee; monkey doo.
Their they're doing there hair.
Of course if the Iranians are going to ignore the non-proliferation treaty, who's to say they'll honor any others?
Of course Iran will not honor any treaty.
Think of the Monkees
They should have tried a goat
It's hard to understand how Iran or any other country with the same level of technology have trouble reverse-engineering and producing systems that were first built in the 60's. Iran like all the other 2nd or 3rd tier countries when it comes to developing technology have more than enough scientists and engineers (most of whom were educated in the West) capable of working on this type of technology.
Reverse-engineering and re-building up to specs (including testing in - duh - adequate testing facilities) is not cheap and it is extremely time consuming. There are a lot of qualified scientists in many countries, but they are forced by necessity to carry out experiments with a higher risk of failure. Without the wherewithal with which to carry their R&D to a degree sufficient to minimize error, one might as well ask them to re-build Persepolis with nothing more but spoons and silly putty mixed with buggers and poop. Technical know-how can only take you so far.
Shouldn't PETA be protesting this?
Coder's Stone: The programming language quick ref for iPad
Inter-continental Ballistic Monkey
Prov 9:8 Do not rebuke mockers or they will hate you; rebuke the wise and they will love you.
The US killed three monkeys and a mouse in rockets before the first successful landing.
John Prine could update his song:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d20zUw57lgs
Space Monkey, Space Monkey
What you doing out there?
Why it's dark as a dungeon way up in the air
Come gather round me you little monkeys and a story I'll tell
About a brave young primate, outer space knew him well
He was born at the top of a big old tree
Way back in 1953.
He could swing through the jungle and hang by his toes
Till they took him to Russia cause they could I suppose
They dressed him up in a spacesuit and it started to snow
Shot him off in a rocket where no man would go
Space Monkey Space Monkey
What you doing out there?
Why it's dark as a dungeon way up in the air
There'll be no one to greet you when you get back home
No hammer or sickle you'll be on your own.
He had plenty of Cuban bananas and loads of Spam
But he found great difficulty trying to open the can
One day he slipped on a banana peel and the ship lost control
It spun out of orbit and shot out the black hole
It's been four decades now, that's nine monkey years
That's a long time for a Space Monkey to confront all his fears
Space Monkey Space Monkey
What you doing out there?
Why it's dark as a dungeon way up in the air
There'll be no one to greet you when you get back home
No hammer or sickle you'll be all on your own.
Space Monkey, Space Monkey
It's time to get real
The space race is over, how does it feel
Cold War's had a heatwave, Iron Curtain's torn down
They've rolled up the carpet in Space Monkey town
Now Leningrad is Petersburg and Petersburg's hell
For a card-carrying monkey with a story to tell
The Space Monkey was reportedly last sighted about
A half a block off of Red Square
In a karaoke bar having a few drinks with some of his friends
There was the dog that flew Sputnik
And a blind red-headed, one legged parrot
Who had done some minor research for Dow Chemical
They were drinking American Vodka
Imported all the way from Paducah, Kentucky
And reportedly had their arms around each other's
Shoulders singing.
Those were the days, my friend, we thought they'd never end
Space Monkey, Space Monkey
There's nothing to do
But it's better than living in a Communist zoo
There'll be no one to greet you when you get back home
No hammer or sickle you'll be all on you own
In Russia, Laika launch is still considered success!
Is this what Tori Amos's Space Dog about?
Can you imagine how mad the million monkeys are writing letters of protest against Iran?
What is best in life? To crush your enemies, to see them driven before you and to hear the lamentations of their women.
For Sale - Used Low Earth Orbit Craft, with Crew. Used only once! Make offer! Owner Desperate!
I guess that's what happens when you don't separate church and state
I've been visitted by Muslims, unlike the average Slashdotter: they actually tried to convert and gave me an ultimatum. Because I have cracking skills, I was lucky they tried to convert me today and not before I read the book because I found all kinds of loopholes in their religous texts that I exploited to the fullest. My response to being converted can be summed up as saying: I'm a god,and get on your knees and worship me and give me your money or I'll make you feel like a lone tree on a hill among a lightning storm.
The United States attacks countries for using any international currency other than US domestic dollars, it's main export is inflation, and is not known as a responsible collective. As far as I know, The United States induces countries around it into societal poverty that causes cultural retardation tracable to a long line of freemasons that use this as an exploit to gain foothold to overpower societies that weren't in it's control. How is The United States any different than Islam in this regard? They both don't let the people just be as they are.
They shot their scratch monkey into space?
To bad monkeys can't launch Iranians into space.
Keep them coming....
Always mount a scratch monkey!