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Iran Tried and Failed To Launch a Monkey Into Space
Medevilae writes with a recent report from PopSci's dedicated 'space monkey' news feed that "When Iran indefinitely suspended its plans to launch a monkey into space earlier this month, it was actually because they had already tried and failed. Iranian Deputy Science Minister Mohammad Mehdinejad-Nouri told state media that the Kavoshgar-5 rocket carrying a capsule with a live monkey launched during Shahrivar, which is the Iranian month spanning August 23 to September 22, but the launch was not publicized because it did not accomplish all of its mission objectives. Assuming one of the objectives was to safely carry the monkey to space and back, things don't sound good for the monkey."
They failed to launch a monkey?
Does that mean Ahmadinejad is still on Earth?
"That's the way to do it" - Punch
How many countries just rely on someone else to do the space thing for them?
I can't wait to eat that (now toasted) monkey!
The key question is, what sort of monkey? :) On the serious side, it may indicate their current launch capacity, There's a big difference between a capuchin and a chimp. Yes I know a chimp is an ape, but in common usage they're frequently referred to as a monkey.
I hope it wasn't Michael Nesmith. He was my favorite.
The real Sig captains the Northwestern. This one captains
Australia's military budget is larger in dollar terms than Iran's... I guess that means that Australia is a bigger threat than Iran. (Yes, I'm being facetious).
Iran doesn't have nukes (yet).- but they certainly have missiles capable of reaching Israel (whom our countries count as an ally).
They could hit Turkey (who want to be part of the EU).
They could certainly hit their neighbours- Saudi Arabia, also nominally an ally of ours- and don't forget they just had one of the ambassadors of that country slain.
There is the whole Sunni, Shiite (sp?) split... y'know kinda how Protestants and Catholics were killing each other for centuries.
Iran doesn't have to hit us to bring us to war. They don't have to hit us to disrupt our oil supply and way of life.
Iran does have the capacity to be a major PITA if they get hold of nukes.
"That's the way to do it" - Punch
It's a lot easier to lob something on a ballistic trajectory than it is to send into space and bring it *safely* back down
Fear the container ship... it doesn't move as fast, but it can conceal plenty of shielding....
Heck even something like this can cause instability. One of their neighbors see's a large "missile" launch from iran, or one of these rockets crash lands on soil of a neighbor and either the neighbor fears it is in attack and pre-emptively counters, or there's an argument over who gets the wreckage. As Iran's technology rises, the probability of a war involving them in the near future approaches 100%. Especially if they are not announcing a project like this to make people aware of what they are attempting. Actually you know it would be kinda funny if it turns out that the first mission failed due to anti-aircraft fire from the US or another neighbor.
I'll have my eggs Sunni Shiite up on a PITA bread, please.
Where'd the monkey take his vaction? All over Tehran!
What color were the monkey's eyes? Blue. One blew north, the other blew south....
Iranian NASA. Needs Another Simian Astronaut
There are some people that if they don't know, you can't tell 'em.
Austrailia, if there is one location that if an Old/Elder God were to actually exist it is that god forsaken continent. The continent where even rabbits can turn into an ecosystem destroying menace, dogs become child eating beasts and spawned creatures so outlandish that professionals refused to believe were real till a specimen was captured alive (platypus).
Mark my words, that military spending is well deserved. Australia will laugh when the giant stone cover (Ayers' Rock) lifts up off of the casket of Vampire Cthulhu.
by Anonymous Coward: I, for one, welcome the shift from car analogies to pizza analogies. um.. overlords?
Places with a "state religion" (which particular religion doesn't matter) are, by definition, shit holes.
I would think their brand of their religion, given that it is a theocracy, has a good bit of bearing on their conditions.
Except for ending slavery, the Nazis, communism, & securing American independence, war has never solved anything.
You forgot that in addition, toads can become a mass extinction threatening nightmare.
Who's the Jerk who sold a bunch of monkeys to Iran ?
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jury_nullification
I always hope every country reach their objectives when it comes to space exploration, and Iran is no exception. I hope their next missions will be more successful.
839*929
Monkeys in Outer Space!
I'm trying to teach myself to set people on fire with my mind... Is it hot in here?
Even more likely, that he is a politician.
There is no right to feel safe thru security vaudeville at the expense of everyone's freedom, privacy and tax money.
No, they're just sending a message. Every since that stupid "Axis of Evil" speech from George Dumbass, Iran has been freaking out over the possibility of U.S. invasion. Developing nukes and launch capacity is their way of saying to the U.S. and Israel "Don't even THINK about it."
SJW: Someone who has run out of real oppression, and has to fake it.
They may be overlapping sets. However just because all dogs have 4 legs, doesn't mean that all animals with 4 legs are dogs.
Where, by default, you get baptized as Luthern!
That includes one nation under god.
and yet, 'The West' (I'm a westerner) fears Iran can strike Europe and the US with nukes?
LOL!
They are indeed able to strike the west with nukes. However, their ability to strike with monkeys is seriously in doubt.
You've just called the UK a shithole. Thanks.
Also, Canada, Costa Rica, Liechtenstein, Malta, Monaco, Greece, Denmark, Iceland, Norway.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/State_religion
Furthermore, although I do disagree with state religion, it's not all that defines a country. I'm certain Iran has some areas of outstanding natural beauty, magnificent architecture, foot, culture etc.
UK is a shithole because you limey derps prosecute victims of crimes for acts of self-defense and let the perpetrators sue.
Hopefully there wasn't any monkey business on the pad before the launch, causing the failure...
By definition? Not necessarily, Scotland, Italy, Finland, Luxembourg, Liechtenstein, Iceland, Norway all have state religions(amongst others). While some may argue that some of those countries are shitholes, very few people would argue that they all are.
OK, I hold an Iranian passport and have been in and out of Iran many times.
People in Iran do not like Ahmadinejad. One of the many insults is to call him a monkey because he is a half-wit. Same as how George Bush got the monkey insults.
Nothing to do with race. Just that he's a simple fool in charge of an entire country.
Well, nowhere's perfect. You yank derps execute innocent people.
Although the in the most recent UK case of a homeowner killing an intruder, the homeowner was released without charge.
I'm pretty sure we spent most of 8 years calling our own (US) president a monkey in political banter.
I do in fact have a mental image of his ranting being like a crazy monkey.
OK, accepted.
I was going to say that "monkey" isn't a common insult doled out at white idiots. But then I remembered Steve Bell's cartoon version of George Bush.
Places with a "state religion" (which particular religion doesn't matter) are, by definition, shit holes.
Most places actually have a state religion, including some that I'd question if you actually intended to call them shit holes. I'll leave the naming of them to the other replies in this thread. Some even have several state religions going at once. American-style separation of Church and State is, relatively speaking, actually quite an unusual state of affairs.
That said, many of these places have both a state religion and religious freedom. These are not incompatible.
I'm certain Iran has some areas of outstanding natural beauty, magnificent architecture, foot, culture etc
Foot?
Yes, but usually in Texas or some other shit hole.
No sooner do I get over one, then you put a better one right next to me. Bastards.
All that, and the craptastic government expects people to fend off attacks from bitey, poisonous monsters with knives and break-action shotguns.
Gamingmuseum.com: Give your 3D accelerator a rest.
Just wondering if some embedded controller somewhere had been hacked. It seems the Iranian space program would be an obvious target for some unfriendly foreign government to try to cripple. Even if (when?) the Iranians get the bomb they'll need some means of delivering it.
I would imagine it'll be too big to send via diplomatic pouch and their air force is completely outclassed by their main adversaries in the region (Israel and Saudi Arabia). (I don't know if those countries air forces could knock down a low-flying cruise missile, I'd think the cities and oil installations on the gulf might be indefensible). Despite having a few subs, I'd imagine the U.S. Navy tracks them very closely, still a short range attack by mini-subs or suicide speedboat might be possible.
So that leaves space. With their "military" space program being watched very carefully, it appears there will be some sort of ABM system covering U.S. Allies and Europe before they have an intermediate range missile capable of delivering a nuke. That's where their "civilian" program could conceivably come into play. A nuke placed IN ORBIT could go the "long way around" thus avoiding the theater defenses currently being built. Of course the U.S. has anti-sat weapons but they may not cover every approach especially if the weapon deorbits before completing even one revolution. (And it's pretty clear that the U.S. doesnt have the specially equipped F-15 fighters all over the world to cover its allies.).
Finally, who's to say that the U.S. will even know what to shoot down? The Iranians may say they've just launched a monkey into space only to reveal later (maybe MUCH later) that the capsule carrying the presumably now-dead monkey actually has a nuke instead. Even if the U.S. decided to shoot on sight any Iranian "satellite" that started acting funny over the U.S. mainland, it could be too late. An EMP blast before the ASAT weapon gets to it could prove pretty devastating.
That, by the way, is why the Outer Space treaty was put into place; having nukes in orbit was far too destabilizing and would have led to the world being just seconds away from WWIII (instead of the current approximately 30 minutes). Of course if the Iranians are going to ignore the non-proliferation treaty, who's to say they'll honor any others?
So there's a real incentive to deny the Iranians access to orbit. Anybody writing a James Bond script about this?
Unfortunately, private gun ownership is discouraged here... so it's mostly knives.
"While it may possibly be a shit-hole, it has nothing to do with their state religion"
This sounds even more stupid the more I read it. Whoosh.
deleting the extra space after periods so i can stay relevant, yeah.
Yes. See the entire US isn't a shithole. The shithole part of the US is over there [/waves hand]. I'm over here [/waves other hand] where it's all better and we are enlightened*. But really when you think about it [/flails arms] the whole world is a shithole compared to us, and that's because we had George. George was a great man. He made people happy. George saved the world, then he died and the world turned back to a shithole. George also was an awesome narrator for Thomas the Tank Engine.
~
-nB
* ok, not really [/hangs head] I live in California, where we are on the bullet train to socialism and bankruptcy as fast as we can go.
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Agreed. GP should have said it has nothing to do with their particular state religion.
"When information is power, privacy is freedom" - Jah-Wren Ryel
I'd rather they like Ahmadinejad than the Supreme Leader. Ahmadinejad is a moderate compared to that guy.
With the first link, the chain is forged.
Also, they both have big ears, low hairlines, and in Ahmadinejad's case, tends to be pretty excitable.
I'm still waiting for him to throw poo at the UN.
09 F9 11 02 9D 74 E3 5B D8 41 56 C5 63 56 88 C0
Because it's a macho thing to "ignore/cover-up/fake sensor data". With a monkey you can "sorta pretend it is really an astronaut", it makes people get just a tad more serious if someone signs off and then it still goes wrong. If you think someone was playing games you simply say "Show me the monkey!" Bonus Points if it listens to Peter Gabriel on the way up.
My first Journal Entry ever, in 8 years! http://slashdot.org/journal/365947/aphelion-scifi-fantasy-horror-poetry-webzine
Canada has a state religion? That conflicts with the following map (where gray represents "no state religion") as well as the very content of the page you linked to.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Map_of_state_religions.svg
"When information is power, privacy is freedom" - Jah-Wren Ryel
You apparently lack comprehension skills. Let me spell it out for you, a nation may be a shit-hole without it being caused by said nation having a state religion. I know a number of nations that are shit holes without having declared a state religion, I know a number of shit holes with a state religion. There is some overlap, but no correlation.
Yes, I'm pretty sure everybody in Iran hates that guy. Leaders with zero support tend to stay in power for a long time, I don't know how they do it but it happens. I guess even Ghadaffi had more supporters than this Iranian guy.
In general, I don't like to judge world leaders based on whoever the US says is bad or the educated minority base of these third world countries, which most likely have studied/lived in the "West" and also speak English. Those countries sometimes deserve leaders like that since they have very different societies and the same rule that applies to us, barely applies to them. Nobody gives a crap about Sarkozy, Berlusconi and Zapatero, all of them European leaders with pretty bad ratings, but hey, they are allies.
Saudi Arabia, also nominally an ally of ours- and don't forget they just had one of the ambassadors of that country slain.
Tried. Allegedly. Not succeeded.
"When information is power, privacy is freedom" - Jah-Wren Ryel
Been reading much Tom Clancy recently?
I thought that was Guam. Darn, they really were just frogs?
deleting the extra space after periods so i can stay relevant, yeah.
Sounds like you've been a bit of a monkey!
Is 1563649 a prime number?
If I'm making the Ahmadinejad/monkey jokes, it's not racist. It's an intentional personal insult. I trust that the overwhelming majority Iranian people want to live peaceful lives and prosper in their land. It's the religous types and the government that whip up a frenzy to kill and dominate. I'm assuming. If I'm wrong, that will become clear soon enough.
deleting the extra space after periods so i can stay relevant, yeah.
Yeah, that's the ticket, the Iranian regime isn't evil, the West MADE them be evil. Those sneaky Westerners with their emphasis on human and women's rights, freedom from slaughter of homosexuals. Why next, they'll even be making it legal to be any religion they like...dirty sneaky Westerners.
Maybe he's confusing it with being part of the British Monarchy? But I guess just because the Queen is the head of religion in the UK doesn't make her the head of religion in Canada - only the head of state.
W..w..W - Willy Waterloo washes Warren Wiggins who is washing Waldo Woo.
Canada has a state religion?
Yes. The main sacramental objects are beer, sticks, a hard rubber disc, and beer.
Some mornings it's hardly worth chewing through the restraints to get out of bed.
I stand corrected :-P
"When information is power, privacy is freedom" - Jah-Wren Ryel
With burkhas that's the only fetish you have left.
I support the Slashcott and will not be reading or commenting from 2/10/14 to 2/17/14. Beta is steaming pile of dog shit
Actuall, "Moosehead" is not a beer at all, it's a misdemeanor.
But it may have something to do with the state of their religion.
The world's burning. Moped Jesus spotted on I50. Details at 11.
I'm not sure what the exchange rate is.
I love Jesus, except for his foreign policy.
And they'd do it once, because if Iran ever actually launched a nuclear strike against anybody, within 12 hours, Tehran and Qom would be glowing craters.
And I think they know it. At the moment, the growing crisis appears to be between Khamenei and Ahmadinejad, in no small part because of Ahmadinejad's extremist language surrounding foreign policy. It's got to the point where Khamenei is even proposing to do away with an elected president.
I have a feeling that Iran is very soon going to be too busy with internal affairs to be threatening anybody else.
The world's burning. Moped Jesus spotted on I50. Details at 11.
You lack discernment. If the place is a shit-hole, it is due to the authorities or lack thereof. Since Iran has authorities, it's on them. And since the authorities are religious, it is the state religion at fault.
If I were referring to another state, I would be referring to that state's authorities.
You assumed I was making a generalization. Wrong.
deleting the extra space after periods so i can stay relevant, yeah.
The Iranians were trying to develop nuclear weapons long before GWB came on the scene. They've been terrified of an American invasion since the 1979 revolution.
The world's burning. Moped Jesus spotted on I50. Details at 11.
When GWB made his speech in 2003, the President of Iran was a reformist moderate named Mohammad Khatami. Khatami had made many reforms in the country, had sent official condolences to the U.S. after 9-11, and was even talking about establishing regular diplomatic relations.
After GWB's moronic Axis of Evil speech, all diplomatic ties were cut off, Iran began to actively pursue nuclear weapons, and in the next election, anti-U.S. hardliner Mahmoud Ahmadinejad was elected.
Good work George.
SJW: Someone who has run out of real oppression, and has to fake it.
Not sure about the others, but Canada doesn't have a state religion.
The wikipedia article you linked to notes that certain religious schools, most notably Roman Catholic, receive public funding, but so do various other specialty schools, including some Islamic ones.
Your point is well taken though - there's a difference between a technical state religion that hangs around for historical reasons and what the GP meant by "state religion" implying more of a theocracy.
Monkey pee; monkey doo.
Their they're doing there hair.
Well if you think about Iran, Just isn't in bad terms with US and Europe, It wouldn't mind much if the bomb missed and fell down on some of its neighbors too.
If something is so important that you feel the need to post it on the internet... It probably isn't that important.
I stopped with the jumbo jet crashing into Congress
It's an insult to monkeys.
It's hard to understand how Iran or any other country with the same level of technology have trouble reverse-engineering and producing systems that were first built in the 60's. Iran like all the other 2nd or 3rd tier countries when it comes to developing technology have more than enough scientists and engineers (most of whom were educated in the West) capable of working on this type of technology.
Reverse-engineering and re-building up to specs (including testing in - duh - adequate testing facilities) is not cheap and it is extremely time consuming. There are a lot of qualified scientists in many countries, but they are forced by necessity to carry out experiments with a higher risk of failure. Without the wherewithal with which to carry their R&D to a degree sufficient to minimize error, one might as well ask them to re-build Persepolis with nothing more but spoons and silly putty mixed with buggers and poop. Technical know-how can only take you so far.
But, yeah, racists sometimes compare people to monkeys (or chimps). It does not follow that therefore everyone who compares a person to a monkey is a racist.
If the masses can keep you down, you're not the Ubermensch.
Shouldn't PETA be protesting this?
Coder's Stone: The programming language quick ref for iPad
"At the moment, the growing crisis appears to be between Khamenei and Ahmadinejad, in no small part because of Ahmadinejad's extremist language surrounding foreign policy. It's got to the point where Khamenei is even proposing to do away with an elected president."
And the problem Khameinei has is that Ahmadinejad is pissing off the 'conservatives'. Khameinei is more dangerous and less moderate than the President, and the Revolutionary Guards have captured essentially all the power. And they're dangerously nuts. Ahmadinejad has no control or probably knowledge about the nuclear weapons program---that's run by Khamenei and the RG's.
Out of curiosity did you consider that too incredibly outlandish or something? Keep in mind it was written pre 9/11.
Inter-continental Ballistic Monkey
Prov 9:8 Do not rebuke mockers or they will hate you; rebuke the wise and they will love you.
The US killed three monkeys and a mouse in rockets before the first successful landing.
Ahh, so you fear what you don't understand. Very human of you. Doesn't make you right, just afraid.
So Iran was all peace and roses in 2003?
No, but they had been making a decisive and clear movement towards normalizing relations with the U.S. and making democratic reforms under Khatami. That all ended after GWB's stupid-ass speech.
And just to show us how mad they are, they "elected" Ahmadinejad in a "fair" election, spooled up a nuclear weapons program, "resumed" massive human rights violations (since in your model, they were a great place in 2003), and basically been a regional pain in the ass?
Yeah they did, *AFTER* GWB called them evil and basically threatened to invade them, the country became radicalized again, ended all of Khatami's reforms and elected hard-liners in the next election. A once-in-a-lifetime opportunity was missed and now we're pretty much guaranteed an anti-U.S. nuclear Iran (and an anti-U.S. nuclear North Korea too for that matter). All because the commander-in-dipshit thought that acting tough would scare them and cause them to back down. Oh, he scared them alright..scared them right into the only thing that can protect a smaller country against U.S. invasion--nuclear weapons.
SJW: Someone who has run out of real oppression, and has to fake it.
I read it pre 9/11 - nothing to do with Clancy, everything to do with my two newborn sons and less time to read.
Yes....the goat. That reminds me to make sure my phone is clean.
Toil is Stupid. Don't be Stupid.
In Russia, Laika launch is still considered success!
Is this what Tori Amos's Space Dog about?
Can you imagine how mad the million monkeys are writing letters of protest against Iran?
What is best in life? To crush your enemies, to see them driven before you and to hear the lamentations of their women.
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Most likely it refers to the title of the Queen, which is:
"Elizabeth the Second, by the Grace of God of the United Kingdom, Canada and Her other Realms and Territories Queen, Head of the Commonwealth, Defender of the Faith."
Note that this is specifically the title as used in Canada - it's different from e.g. Australia, where "Defender of the Faith" is specifically omitted.
I'd bad enough that I have to call this stuff out, before moving on to the anti-islamic sentiments.
Oh gosh, someone is wrong on teh Internet? *gasp*
Significantly more terrified after invasions of two of its largest neighbors, it should be noted.
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/a/a8/Iran_(orthographic_projection).svg
I hope everyone knows which country is Iraq and which one is Afghanistan. And which one is Pakistan, whose relationship with the USA since 2001 must be unnerving to Iranians as well. Knowing Saudi Arabia, Qatar, UAE, Oman, Uzbekistan and Georgia are bonuses, all of whose USA bilateral ties must be unnerving to a government which, as you noted, has been terrified of an invasion since its founding in 1979.
It should also probably not be forgotten that a US navy ship shot down a passenger jet full of Iranians over the Persian Gulf in the 1980s, which is pretty terrifying an idea in general, and especially so to Americans who should be able to relate, considering the eerie similarity to the USSR downing of Korean Air flight 007 which killed almost 300 people, including a sitting US Congressman.
In any event, while the current Iranian government may be legitimately crazy, especially certain political blocs inside it, their fear and general malaise caused by American presence in the region is perfectly reasonable.
First, Islam is a religion. A Muslim is a person who practices said religion. It's like saying "Scottish is a country." Second, he didn't say "racism," he said "predjudice." There is a difference - the first is specific, the second is general.
and yet, 'The West' (I'm a westerner) fears Iran can strike Europe and the US with nukes?
LOL!
Wrong. They may say that, but the real fear is that they can strike Israel.
Jesus was all right but his disciples were thick and ordinary. -John Lennon
You said:
Not all that different from saying "Christian is a religion."
Always mount a scratch monkey!