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Kim Jong-Il Was an "Internet Expert"
pigrabbitbear writes "The late Kim Jong Il made many bizarre claims and bestowed upon himself many extravagant titles during his iron-clad rule over North Korea. But here's one that's particularly interesting in light of the recent SOPA debate – 'Internet expert.' The DPRK's Dear Leader fancied himself as such during an international summit in 2007. Seven years prior, he had asked U.S. Secretary of State Madeline Albright for her email address, indicating that the North Korean internet black hole was perhaps not as thoroughly opaque as we made it out to be — at least not for those at the top."
But Glorious Leader was the first to truly MASTER it.
And, unlike Gore, Glorious Leader at least put his money where his mouth was on global warming. At the time of his death his country used less electricity than any other Asian country and he had decreased its carbon footprint significantly by reducing its population by over a million people in just 15 years. And no polluting Western factories spewing carbon dioxide into the air or wasteful beef production in Glorious Leader's country. Suck on THAT, China and Western imperialists!
SJW: Someone who has run out of real oppression, and has to fake it.
...yeah....that's the ticket! An Internet Expert!
Surfing porn all day does not make one an internet expert.
Anybody who thought that North Korea's draconian rules applied to those at the top (especially to the one at the very pinnacle) does not understand how totalitarian systems work, or what their purpose is.
The truth is that all men having power ought to be mistrusted. James Madison
The way Kim Jong-Il is holding the mouse in the accompanying picture, there is no denying of his internet expertise.
... The Dear Leader personally educated RMS on the ethics of software licenses (and lisp dialects, but that's another matter). he also brought DMR and Thompson up to speed to enable them to create C. Joy sat at his feet to learn how to make Oak. Intel regularly used him to vet chip designs. Hell, he taught marketing and product positioning to Jobs.
Truly, the world has lost its way...
That looks like another fine picture for http://kimjongillookingatthings.tumblr.com/.
"I'm an interenet expert, and I've seen what damage it can do... you don't want it"
Possible that he just self-proclaimed himself as an "internet expert" to add credibility to his claim that DPRK doesn't need or want to be on the internet? Also would add to his magical mystique - "All praise our dear leader for being so skilled on the internet to save us from it".
But Glorious Leader was the first to truly MASTER it.
And, unlike Gore, Glorious Leader at least put his money where his mouth was on global warming. At the time of his death his country used less electricity than any other Asian country and he had decreased its carbon footprint significantly by reducing its population by over a million people in just 15 years. And no polluting Western factories spewing carbon dioxide into the air or wasteful beef production in Glorious Leader's country. Suck on THAT, China and Western imperialists!
It's "Dear Leader," not "Glorious Leader." (His daddy was "Great Leader." And so far, Junior is "Great Successor," which reveals a lot about how the state apparatus views the new kid.)
I've noticed a few things from all the news footage available of Kim Jong-Il:
1. Kim is generally doing one of three things: pointing/gesturing at something, watch someone pointing/gesturing at something, or clapping. Never speaking, never doing something actually interesting.
2. People in North Korea LOVE clapping for some reason. All the political footage involving Kim tends to involve a shitload of clapping. If the leader is clapping at something, everyone else is that's for sure. Maybe everyone's really happy over there?
Either the guy has never bothered to speak on camera, or the regime was afraid he'd say something stupid.
To all newcomers - people here are very close-minded and can't handle complaints about Linux. Keep this in mind.
When I think back on the many great accomplishments of this man, there is no doubt that he will have the longest and greatest obituary ever written. A short exceprt:
The only man known to have shot 18 consecuative holes-in-one during a round of golf. In 2007, Kim Jong Il led the New England Patriots to a perfect 19-0 NFL season. In addition to his sporting exploits, Il was a noted Internet expert. Known for releasing the worlds first internet worm. His fame exploded when he devised a method of breaking public key encryption. He is believed to be the sole author of the Windows Vista operating system.
I'm in awe of this man.
When I was redesigning the Amazon front-end in HTML5, Dear Leader sent me a note about using CSS3 descritors that saved me over 50000 hours of work! I'm sure that others have the same story!
Dear Leader knew everything about Internets!
He's probably an "internet expert" in the same sense that my friend who "likes computers" considers himself a "computer expert" because he knows how to run Windows Update manually.
http://alternatives.rzero.com/
I'm sure he just had some hilarious emails to forward to her. Everyone has that one eccentric aunt/uncle that forwards 15 emails a day, right?
We use to chat on AIM all the time, though he was away most of the time, with status messages saying "Out...doing government repressive stuff" or "Checking up on the arsenal ;)".
What was his /. nym?
Find someone who stopped posting around the time he croaked. I'm guessing a pretty low UID, since he was pretty old. We now know I was not him, just in case you were wondering. Unless I'm an automated poster. I suppose I could pass a Turing test to prove it, or there's always the old "there's a tortoise, lying on its back in the desert. You're not helping it. Why are you not helping it?"
"Science flies us to the moon. Religion flies us into buildings." - Victor Stenger
This is what typical computer lab looks in North Korean school: http://tema.ru/travel/north-korea-3/_MG_0082.jpg I guess if you are the only one in the country who has a modern computer, that'll make you an internet expert :)
o_O
Immortality Kim Jong Il has also found. Replacement clone he has.
I've been playing TF2 with someone named "hard2k-IL"
haven't seen him on steam in a couple days.
He could code HTML and PHP as well as Java and JS better than anyone else.
He wrote most of the code for Apache under several psudonyms.
He also invented TCP/IP the western history books are all lies!
He also was the one who put the moon in the sky and made the sun rise every morning.
Do not look at laser with remaining good eye.
What's his CCIE number? I wanna look it up.
I know plenty of schoolboys who claim to be internet wizards. Yet they just know a little more than the average user, often a crucial difference in solving problems.
The internet has so many holes that it doesnt really take much expertise to compromise it. Some of these holes are due to its open architecture. And others due to sloppy security engineering.
http://thefatboychronicles.com/
"Inspired by a true story, The Fat Boy Chronicles reveals the emotionally painful world obese teens experience in the face of a thin-obsessed society. At age fourteen. 5'5 Jimmy weighs 187 pounds. "
A must read for any Jong Fat dictator.
According to reports from N. Korea; Kim usually got 18 holes in the low 30s. Lord only knows what other near super-human powers he possessed.
http://motherboard.vice.com/2011/12/16/dear-congress-it-s-no-longer-ok-to-not-know-how-the-internet-works I mean, they are currently debating how they can engineer a solution to redesign DNS on the Internet! These guys are geniuses! I am proud to be able to have these people represent me!
I think most people have to agree that this man -- based on numerous press releases, political events, etc -- was not in full control of his mental faculties. He was not a mentally healthy man. It's unusual that someone in that state became a political leader and was accepted by his people for so long (until the very end), and perhaps if that society were not totalitarian it could not have happened.
The pictures of North Korea are all very sad. I can't imagine living anywhere under those conditions.
Now that he has passed, I'm not sure if I should breathe a sigh of relief or if the problems will just get worse. Sometimes a dictator holds together a group that, divided, are even worse than the dictator. What a horrible thing, but that does not make it less true.
Yes.
Wow! He really was ronery.
In North Korea it doesn't take much to be an internet expert. Simply knowing the internet exists would probably qualify you.
that he looks like Oprah taking a nap in those official death pics?
He was a PHB?
Yeah, possibly.
Compared to Mrdoch whining about "his" news appearing in Google? Yup. Compared to Copiepresse? Definitey. compared to the USA representatives in general? Could be.
Compared to someone who knows what the internet is? Nope.
In a long and varied life, Kim Jong Il made one undeniable and catastrophic mistake; he claimed to be an internet expert.
After making this claim, his life was made a misery by a succession of late night calls from friends and family demanding his help in ridding their PCs of various pieces of malware.
It was during one of these conversations, during which he was explaining to his elderly aunt for the thirty-seventh time why she shouldn't click the links in random e-mails claiming to be from DHL and talking her through the process of reinstalling Windows so that it would stop flashing up photos of young ladies taking their clothes off every time she tried to google for humorous cat stories, that his blood pressure finally reached critical point and his heart exploded.
Case solved.
Ahhh... do I see a Nintendo Entertainment System in the lower left hand corner in front of the screen? It sure looks like it? Do they do "science" on Duck Hunt? Is Dr. Mario their only Medical Engineering software?
This is my footer. There are many like it, but this one is mine.
Wikipedia has a list of some of his titles.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_Kim_Jong-il's_titles
My personal favorite : "Highest Incarnation of the Revolutionary Comradely Love".
He was an internet master. In a country where abject poverty is so commonplace anyone just having a computer could be considered an internet expert. And now he has truly found his place.... a hole in the ground.
"We are just a war away from Amerikastan. When god vs god the undoing of man." Dave Mustaine
Or maybe that should be blindfolded.
Great, let's put in a big Internet pipe, build a huge server farm, and start FileKorea.kp and KorTube.kp - I was going to do this in Afghanistan, where there is no copyright legislation, but it's better to have it in North Korea where protection from the MAFIAA's puppets is guaranteed by a couple of nukes.
The "old management" has threatened with "unexpected consequences", which in commy-speak probably means "we will nuke you".
Nobody knows much about the new guy, so almost anything can happen.
You act like you never had a boss that thought he reinvented the computer because he figured out how to use shortcuts instead of the mouse to get through the office menu. Why do you think this would be different, especially in the light of a man who never got any honest reply in his whole life?
We used to have a Bill of Rights. Now, with the rights gone, all we have left is the bill.
A true Internet expert would have known better than to name his country Derp Korea. (That's what I see every timee I read DPRK, anyway.)
.... just look up keyword "douchebag".
Check your premises.
The Internet is a series of noodles. It begins at my palace and ends a couple hundred feet out my front door.
Now you understand the Internet as explained by an expert.
Kim Jong II
I like the picture of the dear leader looking at the sausages, with the 2 females behind him. All are smiling.
Of-course here is another picture with more chicks and food and smiles. Maybe it's just that when there was the dear leader, chicks and food around, everybody felt like smiling. Aaaah.
You can't handle the truth.
Someone told him she was really Lucy Liu.
#DeleteChrome
A frequent Slashdot contributor, and very active with his Github account. He provided lots of helpful, concise answers in StackOverflow over a wide range of topics.
What people who fall for the "they create jobs" meme fail to see is that they don't need a job, they need money. The job is just the means to the end, not the end itself.
A job is much, much more than just "a way to make money".
Being able to work for your own and your family's sustenance and improvement gives people a purpose in life, makes them proud of their own accomplishments and basically makes them MORE than mere consumers.
Which is what just giving them money makes them into.
Mind you, I am not speaking against government or anyone else helping out those in need or those unable to work or fully support themselves or their families through their work.
Personally, I believe that acts like that don't just make us more civilized but also "good". Or at least better.
Monetary help - good and often needed.
Sustaining and fulfilling work - much better.
Mit der Dummheit kämpfen Götter selbst vergebens
http://s3.amazonaws.com/data.tumblr.com/tumblr_li68pvTmPR1qewv1lo1_1280.jpg?AWSAccessKeyId=AKIAJ6IHWSU3BX3X7X3Q&Expires=1324397158&Signature=lIOK7TJDZEMWFURyng92Z4kuOs4%3D
Kim Jong II: A/S/L?
Madeline Albright: LOL WUT?!?!
It wont come out for a few years, but, I imagine this scene from his unauthorized autobiography....
It was 2003, Kim was surfing online, reading articles on slashdot. The communities strong libertarian stripe had started to make inroads. He read about free speech, and beginning to be swayed. He began to think "Maybe we can scrap the nuclear program and wire up our country, give the people freedom" .... and just as he thought that....
he saw a link to a nude picture of Natalie Portman....
he clicked on it.... because come on, you know you did too....
and as Goatse.cx loaded for Dear Leader, a window of opportunity for change closed.
"I opened my eyes, and everything went dark again"
and his country for bringing us countless MMO's such as MapleStory and Lineage, and soap opera such as Dae Jang Geum.
Twitter: @dainsanefh
Korean Internet Master Jong-Il.
Stolen from someone else's facebook:
Q: What were your last words to your people?
A: Stay hungry, stay foolish.
From the comment here.
Starting low on the technology train will prove that efficient use of resources will teach to use more mental constructs and scalability. Other countries would jump head-first into the deep end of technology with no reason to use it. NES was in-fact a home computer system in Japan known as Famicom, and it had a keyboard and network adapter. It's an 8-bit computer, not far from America's Fairchild processors, and few remember that Tron operating system was designed for 8-bit hardware to scale upwards to virtualize with full hardware efficiency. Come on. How many people see the New Guy (doesn't know what he's doing) that buys the latest and greatest tools to enter your profession as a novice and you look at your beat-up used tools and wonder if his kind of competition will cause the government to start requiring more regulations and restrictions just because of people like him.
King Jong Il was thrifty where needed, because someone of Expert standing said what they needed rather than the over-budget Capitalist nations who ask for more than is needed in fear they will not get the same question of funding in the future.
Stop trolling.
Everyone knows that the Dear Leader does not defecate
He was an expert on virtually everything in the world. He has written numerous books to prove that.
God bless his Seoul.
He could be regarded as an Internet expert in his own country, as no one has access to the internet. So merely having used it, makes him an expert by comparison.
This comment has insight, for sure.
I dunno, those North Korean's look like they have a great time in this vid:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VJNBfBr-OGU