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Microsoft Rolls Out Robot Security Guards
An anonymous reader writes: Microsoft is testing a group of five robot security guards. They contain a sophisticated sensor suite that includes 360-degree HD video, thermal imaging, night vision, LIDAR, and audio recorders. They can also detect various chemicals and radiation signatures, and do some rudimentary behavioral analysis on people they see. (And they look a bit like Daleks.) The robots are unarmed, so we don't have to worry about a revolt just yet, but they can sound an alarm and call for human officers. They weigh about 300 lbs each, can last roughly a day on a battery charge, and know to head to the charging station when they're low on power.
EXTERMINATE
I for one welcome our new dalek shaped robotic overlords.
Solving Unix problems since 1989...
One of them will malfunction and start calling himself Johnny-Five.
Terminator vision.
As Thanshin said above, "EX-TER-MI-NATE!"
Their security call goes something like this: "Help! Help! I'm being repressed!"
Oh, so they are over-weight Roomba. Gotcha.
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add a bit of duct tape and a loud horn
And after seeing the photos, I'm pretty sure they'll soon develop a terrible pain in all the diodes down their left side.
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So, if I push it over, can it get back up?
Because that thing looks like it was made to be pushed over.
You have 20 seconds to comply...
10 seconds to comply..
5 seconds to comply...
That will probably soon be the name of the Microsoft canteen.
(Got a 10 year old daughter who likes to watch Nickelodeon)
Robot security guard: I am now authorized to use physical force! ...You're a loony.
King Arthur: [after looking at the robot security guard] Look, you stupid bastard, you've got no arms!
Robot security guard: Yes I have.
King Arthur: Look!
Robot security guard: It's just a design flaw.
[the Robot security guard continues to threaten Arthur despite having no arms and not being able to run]
Robot security guard: Come here!
King Arthur: What are you gonna do, spray me with oil?
Robot security guard: I'm invincible!
King Arthur:
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And I can't get up.
From the Ars article: Coming soon: Slow, heavy, shrieking, autonomous robot rent-a-cops
Should anybody choose to attack the K5, as opposed to walking briskly away, the unit can react with a shrieking alarm that Stephens described as like "a car alarm but much more intense." That will probably happen shortly after the K5 falls to the ground, unable to right itself, which actually happened during Knightscope's MIT robot demo.
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I was set to make a comment about how they should paint them BSOD blue- but they actually already did! At least that's how it looked in the video.
And then they make them look sorta like Daleks, and I can't really complain about that.
At this point all I can hope for is that they forgot to teach them about escalators or splash fountains, and wait for the inevitable videos.
I bet I know what these robots will be dressed up like for Halloween! They're already the right shape.
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The best part of the listed articles is the picture of the sheriff pointing a gun at the dalek with his finger on the trigger, while two employees stand directly on the other side of the robot!
Awesome: 2nd article, go to last picture.
Maybe this is a cunning advertisement by Knightscope to demonstrate why police need to be robotized.
ok... cue BSOD joke in 3... 2... 1...
Excepting for continued stubborn and confused FAA, the next version will be airborne.
They weigh about 300 lbs each, . . . and know to head to the charging station when they're low on power.
Are we sure they didn't just put people inside something that looks like a Dalek?
We will bankrupt ourselves in the vain search for absolute security. -- Dwight D. Eisenhower
Daleks nothing, those look more like the turrets from Portal to me. Pleeeease let someone at Microsoft load the turret voices onto them.
When someone says, "Any fool can see
Doesn't look at all like a Dalek to me, it looks more like something that Aperture Science would design. (And it would say "No hard feelings" if you pushed it over, assuming you could push over this lumbering 300lb thing)
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Article doesn't list a price, but it seems to me like it would be a heck of a lot cheaper to just install a bunch of HD cameras and microphones around the campus. You could still run the fancy behaviour analysis software on the feed, but you wouldn't need the big lidar driven robot.
Clippy the Guard: Hi there, I see you are attempting to break and enter, how may I be of assistance?
Burglar: (thinks "WTF") Errrmmm....have you got a key to this lock?
Clippy: No problem, I can open it automatically. However, have you tried the door over there?
Burglar: No, I want to break in through this door.
Clippy: The door over there is very nice, are you sure?
Burglar: Please open this door?
Clippy: Would you like me sound the alarm first?
Burglar: No, just open the damn door.
Clippy: The alarm is very nice.
Burglar: Will you pluuuueeessse open this door, you damn robot?
Clippy: I don't like your attitude.
Burglar: (pulls out gun, shoots self in head) BLAM....THUNK.
Clippy: Look it, I'm not opening the door if you are dead. Are you really dead? Hey...you??? Damn humans (stomps off).
I think it's a bit too 1984ish to me.
Robots make great slaves but I don't think we should have any tolerance of them as masters. If they have any offensive capability, such as pepper spray, or Taser, then I think these things should come under attack on sight; either electronic warfare, or military force. Whichever is most effective.
It's Serge!
For people quesitoning the functionality or durability of this machine, its important to understand what a meat-space security guard does, observe and report. Security services will tell you upfront that their services are only meant to convey a sense of security, not to actually secure or make secure things in the first place. Guards, in most capacities, are not charged with stopping assailants, arresting theives, or even confronting people who break the law. The vast majority do not in fact even carry pepperspray. their appearance alone is used as a deterrance, and at best while they receive CPR, AED, and O2 certifications they are compelled to use their discretion when and if to apply these skills.
Machines are perfect for this work as they never tire from watching monitors for hours or days on end. They will never sprain an ankle or catch a cold, or show up late. the question is however, does the presence of a machine deter criminals as well as the presence of a human being in an official looking uniform. If theives routinely disregard electronic locks, security cameras, inventory control alarms, burglary and silent hold up alarms, and even warnings of time-delay safes, then its perfectly reasonable to assume these robotic guards will be no more effective than a curiousity. Expect to lose any gains saught from employing a real person when you have to pay for graffiti removal theft. You can also expect them to exist as a vector for network security attacks.
Good people go to bed earlier.
When they figure out how to make them run on doughnuts they can work as regular police officers.
Any insufficiently advanced magic is indistinguishable from technology.
Tricorder on wheels.
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They are loaded with Microsoft new AI operating system: Detection Autonome Vigilant Robot Operating System.
countermeasure - pee in the exhaust port
the preceding comment is my own and in no way reflects the opinion of the Joint Chiefs of Staff
Since it can't climb obstacles, I wonder if you could simply corral one with a few well-placed bricks or concrete blocks.
Proverbs 21:19
I think they sould be superseded by k-9 unit.
However the problem is that it can presumably notify security that you've done that. Given that they'll have full video of it, and know where the unit was, the chances of you getting caught are pretty high.
These aren't the kind of thing that would work well on their own out in the middle of nowhere but on a campus like MS's with human backup I imagine they are pretty effective. Rolling security cameras basically.
So even if they work they won't fully replace human security guards, what they will do is allow one guard to do the work that is now performed by a large group of people.
Had a whole storyline on this. Once again Microsoft is behind the times ...
http://www.extremetech.com/wp-...
This sounds like the T-1.
Here I am, brain the size of a planet, and they ask me to patrol the Microsoft visitor parking lot. Call that job satisfaction, because I don't.
Microsoft Security Robots?
They're an actual screen of death.
They're blue and red all over.
They're a punch line.
Hmm, I guess they still crash as often as Windows does.
Brings new meaning to the phrase, Blue Scream of Death.
-- Tigger warning: This post may contain tiggers! --
This is not the Clippy that you are looking for (waves hand)
-- Tigger warning: This post may contain tiggers! --
Four... three... two... one... I am now authorized to use physical force!
More like:
K5: You have 20 seconds to comply.
K5: You have 19 seconds to comply.
K5: You have 1 hour 48 minutes and 34 seconds to comply.
K5: You have 4 minutes to comply.
K5: You have 29 days, 6 hours and 13 minutes to comply.
I've seen these robots, inside and out. Plywood and body putty, mainly, with off-the-shelf electronics and software glued together. Very spiffy-lookging UI, though. Gotta do the pretty part first, you know.
The CEO of the company has an interesting track record -- no time to google it now as I'm headed for the airport -- but he left the taxpayers of Indiana with a $75 million liability when his company harvested a bunch of tax credits and then cratered. Oh... and I think just a couple of weeks ago this CEO said they had built only a hanful of units so far, like under 10.
The plywood and body putty issue can be solved with a few man-years of engineering so that doesn't bother me too much now except that the PR photos may be a bit misleading. The tendancy of the CEO to harvest large quantities of dollars and then move half a continent away must give pause.
This comment right here... this is underrated.
"Our two-party system is like a bowl of shit looking at itself in a mirror." - Lewis Black
Sergeant Ramsay: "With these sentries, the temperatures get too high and they pop their chips right off the motherboard." ["Runaway" 1984]
What the hell are you doing in the parking lot?
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Robot security guard: I am now authorized to use physical farce!
There; FTFY
The body may look like a cross between a Dalek and EVE from WALL-E, but that sensor slit at the top looks totally Cylon to me. I hope it has a single sweeping red eye.
Nevermore.
If you see a blue screen on one of these...DUCK!
"When you have eliminated the unacceptable, whatever is left, however improbable, must be the truthiness" - Holmes
So, they can be defeated by a blanket.
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