"No One's Breaking Us Up!" XP = Victory over DOJ?
on
Windows XP Has Arrived
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· Score: 2
With all its faults, XP and.NET will soon dominate the IT landscape. And although the DOJ suit is not completely resolved, the possibility of a breakup is greatly diminished with an ally like Bush in the White House.
News is quickly replacing religion as the "opiate of the masses."
We say the media manipulates the news to create panic- and this is probably true. However, since people consume news faster than it can actually happen, reporters have to find new ways to re-hash old stories, making old bad news look like fresh bad news.
[Many people were convinced the world was coming to an end before 9/11 and now believe it already has.]
In light of the Anthrax situation, news organizations are already predicting the next big terror wave.
To further spread the word about SSSCA, RIAA representatives have begun traveling from high school to grade school speaking on the evils of file sharing. After a recent speech at St. Bernard's Grade School in Peoria, Illinois, RIAA lawyer Russel Frackman found himself challenged by one of the students:
Eight-year old Zack Beasley tapped on Frackman's leg until he had gained his full attention. "I'm learning to share," he said. "I don't like to share. But they say have to learn how."
"That's nice," said Frackman dismissively.
"But you said sharing is bad."
Seeing the encounter as an opportunity to reinforce the points of his speech, Frackman leaned down to explain the RIAA position on the issue. "Sharing what is yours is okay. Sharing what is mine is not. That's stealing."
"Stealing? I don't get it. You don't want to share?"
"It's not that. I just shouldn't be forced to share if I don't want to."
Beasley shuffled over to his teacher, tugging on her skirt.
"The guy in the suit says I don't have to share if I don't want to," he said. She explained that it didn't matter. Zack was going to have to learn to share, no matter what the man said.
"She says you have to learn to share, too," said the boy.
Since the first suspicious case of anthrax emerged in Florida a few weeks ago, people have been afraid to open their mail. Scouring the 24-hour news outlets for fresh anthrax exposures, citizens endeavor to defend themselves against the disease by scaring themselves half to death.
And more chilling news comes today: Computer science researchers at Carnegie Mellon University announced that they have discovered a security hole in Microsoft Outlook that allows a specific strain of anthrax to be sent via e-mail.
This Computer has been infected with:
Anthrax.
Would you like me to [Ignore] or [Fix]?
Fix. The repair did not work fully as your system files are gravely corrupted.
Memory has been compromised. You will probably no longer remember most of your college years. And since the virus is loose in your central nervous system, you will probably be dead by the time you reach the end of this sentence.
Computer science researchers at Carnegie Mellon University announced that they have discovered a security hole in Microsoft Outlook that allows a specific strain of Anthrax to be sent via e-mail.
Even with the "preview attachments" feature disabled, the tainted message creates a physical manifestation of the disease and infects the user.
The technology behind e-mail does not seem to have changed much over the past three decades. Correct me if I'm wrong [as if you guys wouldn't], but every "advancement" in e-mail over the past decade or so has just served to screw it up- proprietary extensions [i.e. Exchange stuff] that are less than useless because the formatting either vanishes or shows up as garbage.
Transferring ownership is one thing. Transferring from an obsolete box to a shiny new one is another.
Microsoft 1990: "Keep using Windows because you'll have to buy all of your old software again if you switch."
Microsoft 2001: "Users do not and cannot own software. Transferring from one computer to another requires a special license and transfering ownership is prohibited."
You may have noticed that most commercial software is so bad that users wouldn't want to transder it onto a new machine.
There's also the issue of registry faults as an inadvertant form of copy protection...
Layoffs, Firings or 'Volunteerism'...?
on
Morals and Layoffs
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· Score: 5, Funny
HP Employees Get A Choice: Layoffs, Firings, or "Volunteerism"
After allowing employees to take a voluntary pay cut to save their company and thereby their jobs, Hewlett Packard has found the $130 million in savings was not enough to make investors happy. So, some of the very same employees who gave up salary "for the benefit of the company" are seeing their loyalty paid off in pink slips.
But wait. In what they are heralding as "the next era in employee outplacement," HP is giving it employees a choice of how exactly they will be shitcanned. Apparently, the recent repositioning campaign about sending HP back to the garage where its founder, well, founded the company was no metaphor. By the time the company is done trimming, the remaining staff will be able to comfortably fit in an average two car garage.
Industry analysts say that if HP keeps firing people at this rate, they should be in the black by year's end, even if they sell nothing at all.
More than 6,000 HP Employees found this check-a-box note in their mail trays on Thursday morning.
(please choose from one of the following outplacement options)
I want to be:
Laid-Off: No work left for you to do, so hit the bricks. Will you get you job back in six months, a year? Who knows? Don't worry. It's not your fault- or is it?
Fired: Pack up your stuff, you're outta here. It may seem like a black mark on your record, but this way you are released from your non-competitive agreement and can immediately begin begging the competition for a job.
Converted to Volunteer Status: Work at HP for free. Continue your job function as long as you need to convince your family you're still gainfully employed. This is a free service of HP Outplacement Services.
[Note: "Have my manager fired or laid-off instead of me" was not part of the option menu. Neither was "Screw the investors, we're not in the f***ing commodity business."]
HP CEO Carly Fiorina says that she is excited about the company's brave new direction in outplacement.
"At HP, we've always been innovators in terms of employee benefits and employee options," said Fiorina. "We think other companies in our peer group will be following our lead."
Chief among the innovations in the program is the new "volunteer status" which allows employees to continue working for HP and serving HP customers without actually getting paid. While the money they would have made is not tax deductible, they are, as Fiorina put it, perfectly free to brag about it as they would for any volunteer work. The company has outlined preliminary plans for Habitat-For-Humanity-style t-shirts for the new volunteers.
"You would be shocked to learn what people will do for a t-shirt," said Fiorina.
One wonders what former superstars would do if they could not take solace in the Napster myth when their subsequent records fail to sell well.
"Everyone who can still fill a stadium please step forward. Not so fast, Mr. Jackson."
"All non-pedophiles please step forward. Not so fast, Mr. Jackson."
A delay for Operation Infinite Justice?
on
XBox Delayed
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· Score: 2
Let's hope the delay of the X Box does not mean a delay of America's most hotly anticipated game. Sierra's new title Operation Infinite Justice is set to hit stores next week.
Although it was designed and coded in the short time since the terrorist attack, developers felt the game would have fewer bugs than, say Myst III: Exile.
Just days after the attack on the World Trade Center and Pentagon, while momentum for military action continues to gather steam in the United States, the once-steely resolve of Western Europe has begun to erode. French President Jacques Chirac today issued a "pre-emptive surrender" to whomever claims responsibility for the acts of September 11th.
It must also be noted that France officially surrendered last Spring after the opening of a Starbucks in suburban Paris.
After serving as the warm up act for the conflict in Vietnam, France says that it is done with such unpleasantness. Chain-smoking and complaining about American cinema, they have found, is a much more profitable enterprise than laying down your life for an ideal, real or imagined.
"Can I make war? I tell you that I cannot," said Chirac. "Look at me. I am far too jaunty for that sort of thing."
Today's surrender means the loss of sovereignty for France. In Paris, an acquiescence ceremony has already been planned to greet the nation's new occupiers whenever they present themselves. The army has already destroyed the Arc De Triumph as a precautionary measure. Of course, this also means they are exempt from participating in any NATO-lead military action and the expensive acrimony that goes along with it.
Two days have passed since the awful tragedy of September 11th and already large numbers of people are calling for the resignation of Superman. Several pundits have said that although they are deeply disappointed in the hero, they wanted to let Superman tell his side of the story first. So far, the man of steel has not done so.
What follows is an exclusive interview this newspaper secured with the defender of truth, justice, and the American way:
Daily Planet: I'm glad that you took the time off from your vacation to speak with us today, Superman. First off, what do you plan to do about the attack on America, the loss of life and destruction of important American symbols?
Superman: As far as the whole flying around the world and turning back time thing is concerned, I don't think that's a very good idea. Last time I did it, I messed up my back pretty bad.
Daily Planet: I don't think you're drumming up a lot of sympathy there, Superman. Can you explain yourself better?
Superman: I had to go to a chiropractor for a year and a half. She said that the next time it may not get better. Back injuries are nothing to scoff at.
Daily Planet: Um, okay. [Long silence]
Superman: Besides I'm wiped out. I had no idea how exhausting Club Med could be. Right now I doubt I could fly to the corner and back, let alone fly around the world so fast as to turn back time.
An excerpt from a recent news story on the Microsoft case:
When the DOJ announced that they would allow Microsoft to stay united, the relief was palpable. Both the operating system side and the applications and consumer products side gazed into one another's eyes and sighed. Sources close to Microsoft say that the make-up sex was unbelievable.
"You have to understand that Microsoft has been screwing people for a long time," said industry analyst Phil McCracken. "It is only natural to assume that they've gotten quite good at it."
A long-time ally of large companies like Microsoft, few political observers were surprised by Bush's decision to let the antitrust case peter out. What was a bit odd was his apparent fervor to stop the case.
"Everybody's trying to break them up, but they're too strong for that," said Bush in a press conference Thursday. "They're in love. Can't anyone else see that?"
At this point the President ran up to the Lincoln bedroom, threw himself onto the mattress, and began sobbing uncontrollably.
During a briefing on the subject earlier this week, Bush had written in his notebook "Microsoft: 2-Gether 4-Ever" with several swirlies and hearts outlined in red marker.
B2000 may have made a hasty exit. But remember that higher-end video software developers are looking seriously at X86 Linux as an alternative to the financially shaky sgi.
I know. I know. SGI systems kick serious butt for high-end applications (I've personally run demos of an Octane2 running 2 streams of HD in real time w/ effects). But an over-muscled X86 Linux box could get performance in the same zip code for an order of magnitude less cash. Lower hardware price tag = higher margins for software developers = happy software developers.
[flamebait]
Who wants a Premiere knock-off, anyway? Wouldn't you rather see Discreet, Jaleo, or Softimage/Avid move to Linux?
[/flamebait]
Videogame-inspired off-line violence is not limited to titles like Quake and CounterStrike. Even Oregon Trail has inspired some kids to start busting musket shot caps int one another's arses.
It isn't pretty.
Check out this guy's tattoo if you don't believe me.
The SomethingAwful forums had an absolutely hilarious thread along this line a few months back. I'd post a link to it, but I think their archives are currently busticated.
"When the DOJ announced that they would allow Microsoft to stay united, the relief was palpable. Both the operating system side and the applications and consumer products side gazed into one another's eyes and sighed. Sources close to Microsoft say that the make-up sex was unbelievable."
Silicon-based life forms protest the Star Trek premiere for its aparent xenophobia.
"There are simply not television shows featuring silicon-based characters on your earth television. Sure, there is the occasional silicon-based token character- usually just a humanoid who claims to be made of silicon. But it very often dies in the first ten minutes of an episode. That is wrong and we wish to see that rectified."
"... In truth the science fiction industry has done a lousy job of representing non-human species. A glob of putty on the nose here, a pointed ear there and presto- an alien. Even the shows that strive for some level of originality stick human-centric arms and legs on them."
How does CPT balance fighting patents on drugs (and other technologies) with the cost of developing those technologies?
Surely, the cost of life-saving medications should not be prohibitive. And dozens of ridiculous patent disputes cannot be good for any industry. But without some means of recouping the often crippling cost of development (for example, 1000s of drugs begin the development process and only a handful make it to the consumer) what incentive is there to investigate new ideas?
What will happen to the fields of medicine and information technology if the market for invention dries up?
The fundamental issue for me is not what to do with the old stuff, it is how the new stuff becomes old stuff so quickly.
In spite of the less-than-rosy economic picture, a lot of people are going to buy new computers so they can effectively run Office XP [on which they will only use about 10% of the features]. That just doesn't make sense to me.
How much RAM does Word take nowadays? And don't tell me that memory is cheap and this kind of bloat doesn't matter. It does. People are getting their clocks cleaned trying to keep up with what amounts to a proprietary communications protocol [.doc].
Far from making "kick-arse" machines that can stay current for 12 months. We seem to be entering into an "arse-kicking" machine of our own making.
I understand this is a Godsend for some rare blood types. But to think that this will eliminate the need for blood drives. Think of the formula: to get one pint of blood that can be easily be drawn from a volunteer for the price of a glass of orange juice, begin with stem cells painstakingly harvested from 150 fetuses (or is that feti?).
Quote from SNL's Weekend Update:
"Scientists have invented a car that runs on pecans. That sounds like a good idea until you consider that pecans are like $10 a jar. I've got an idea for a car that runs on Fabrige eggs and bald eadle heads."
"And if you haven't read any Harry Potter books, then you aren't qualified to complain;)"
Given that logic, one cannot make fun of Mary Kate & Ashley Magazine without reading it cover to cover. Yikes.
But the Hugos aren't much to get upset over. Douglas Adams lost the Hugo for "best dramatic presentation" in 1979 to Superman, the Movie. Clearly, the Hugos have their Jethro Tull moments as well.
Just because Linux is a free OS does not make journalist advocacy any less unethical. Call them "non-profit whores" if you must. But no one is clean in this business. No one.
Slashdot Mirror
"No One's Gonna Break Us Up! On one!"
http://www.ridiculopathy.com/news_detail.php?disp
We say the media manipulates the news to create panic- and this is probably true. However, since people consume news faster than it can actually happen, reporters have to find new ways to re-hash old stories, making old bad news look like fresh bad news.
[Many people were convinced the world was coming to an end before 9/11 and now believe it already has.]
In light of the Anthrax situation, news organizations are already predicting the next big terror wave.
What's next? Cooties?
http://www.ridiculopathy.com/news_detail.php?disp
To further spread the word about SSSCA, RIAA representatives have begun traveling from high school to grade school speaking on the evils of file sharing. After a recent speech at St. Bernard's Grade School in Peoria, Illinois, RIAA lawyer Russel Frackman found himself challenged by one of the students:
More here:
http://www.ridiculopathy.com/index.php?display=20
Since the first suspicious case of anthrax emerged in Florida a few weeks ago, people have been afraid to open their mail. Scouring the 24-hour news outlets for fresh anthrax exposures, citizens endeavor to defend themselves against the disease by scaring themselves half to death.
And more chilling news comes today: Computer science researchers at Carnegie Mellon University announced that they have discovered a security hole in Microsoft Outlook that allows a specific strain of anthrax to be sent via e-mail.
[/parody]
full story: http://www.ridiculopathy.com/news_detail.php?displ ay=20011016
http://www.ridiculopathy.com/news_detail.php?disp
Of course, there's spam. That's "new."
Microsoft 1990: "Keep using Windows because you'll have to buy all of your old software again if you switch."
Microsoft 2001: "Users do not and cannot own software. Transferring from one computer to another requires a special license and transfering ownership is prohibited."
You may have noticed that most commercial software is so bad that users wouldn't want to transder it onto a new machine.
There's also the issue of registry faults as an inadvertant form of copy protection...
After allowing employees to take a voluntary pay cut to save their company and thereby their jobs, Hewlett Packard has found the $130 million in savings was not enough to make investors happy. So, some of the very same employees who gave up salary "for the benefit of the company" are seeing their loyalty paid off in pink slips.
But wait. In what they are heralding as "the next era in employee outplacement," HP is giving it employees a choice of how exactly they will be shitcanned. Apparently, the recent repositioning campaign about sending HP back to the garage where its founder, well, founded the company was no metaphor. By the time the company is done trimming, the remaining staff will be able to comfortably fit in an average two car garage.
Industry analysts say that if HP keeps firing people at this rate, they should be in the black by year's end, even if they sell nothing at all.
More than 6,000 HP Employees found this check-a-box note in their mail trays on Thursday morning.
[Note: "Have my manager fired or laid-off instead of me" was not part of the option menu. Neither was "Screw the investors, we're not in the f***ing commodity business."]
HP CEO Carly Fiorina says that she is excited about the company's brave new direction in outplacement.
"At HP, we've always been innovators in terms of employee benefits and employee options," said Fiorina. "We think other companies in our peer group will be following our lead."
Chief among the innovations in the program is the new "volunteer status" which allows employees to continue working for HP and serving HP customers without actually getting paid. While the money they would have made is not tax deductible, they are, as Fiorina put it, perfectly free to brag about it as they would for any volunteer work. The company has outlined preliminary plans for Habitat-For-Humanity-style t-shirts for the new volunteers.
"You would be shocked to learn what people will do for a t-shirt," said Fiorina.
"Everyone who can still fill a stadium please step forward. Not so fast, Mr. Jackson."
"All non-pedophiles please step forward. Not so fast, Mr. Jackson."
Although it was designed and coded in the short time since the terrorist attack, developers felt the game would have fewer bugs than, say Myst III: Exile.
Full story
Box art
Screen Cap
full story:
http://www.ridiculopathy.com/news_detail.php?disp
There's more
And from yesterday, we have the NYC monument story:
NYC To Terrorists: "Is That All Ya Got?"
I humbly submit a link to a respectful and funny story about the resiliency of New Yorkers in the light of yesterday's tragedy.
http://www.ridiculopathy.com/news_detail.php?disp
Full story:
Microsoft: No One's Gonna Break Us Up - NO ONE!
I know. I know. SGI systems kick serious butt for high-end applications (I've personally run demos of an Octane2 running 2 streams of HD in real time w/ effects). But an over-muscled X86 Linux box could get performance in the same zip code for an order of magnitude less cash. Lower hardware price tag = higher margins for software developers = happy software developers.
[flamebait]
Who wants a Premiere knock-off, anyway? Wouldn't you rather see Discreet, Jaleo, or Softimage/Avid move to Linux?
[/flamebait]
Can I get haptic feedback on those pictures of blue naked people at Burning Man? I'm not sure that's a good idea after all.
It isn't pretty.
Check out this guy's tattoo if you don't believe me.
The SomethingAwful forums had an absolutely hilarious thread along this line a few months back. I'd post a link to it, but I think their archives are currently busticated.
"When the DOJ announced that they would allow Microsoft to stay united, the relief was palpable. Both the operating system side and the applications and consumer products side gazed into one another's eyes and sighed. Sources close to Microsoft say that the make-up sex was unbelievable."
l ay=20010907&id=400
full story:
http://www.ridiculopathy.com/news_detail.php?disp
full story:
http://www.ridiculopathy.com/news_detail.php?disp
Surely, the cost of life-saving medications should not be prohibitive. And dozens of ridiculous patent disputes cannot be good for any industry. But without some means of recouping the often crippling cost of development (for example, 1000s of drugs begin the development process and only a handful make it to the consumer) what incentive is there to investigate new ideas?
What will happen to the fields of medicine and information technology if the market for invention dries up?
In spite of the less-than-rosy economic picture, a lot of people are going to buy new computers so they can effectively run Office XP [on which they will only use about 10% of the features]. That just doesn't make sense to me.
How much RAM does Word take nowadays? And don't tell me that memory is cheap and this kind of bloat doesn't matter. It does. People are getting their clocks cleaned trying to keep up with what amounts to a proprietary communications protocol [.doc].
Far from making "kick-arse" machines that can stay current for 12 months. We seem to be entering into an "arse-kicking" machine of our own making.
[ just for fun
Quote from SNL's Weekend Update:
"Scientists have invented a car that runs on pecans. That sounds like a good idea until you consider that pecans are like $10 a jar. I've got an idea for a car that runs on Fabrige eggs and bald eadle heads."
Today: UN Racism Conference Moved to FYAD Forum On EZBoards.com
(http://www.ridiculopathy.com/index.php?display
Given that logic, one cannot make fun of Mary Kate & Ashley Magazine without reading it cover to cover. Yikes.
But the Hugos aren't much to get upset over. Douglas Adams lost the Hugo for "best dramatic presentation" in 1979 to Superman, the Movie. Clearly, the Hugos have their Jethro Tull moments as well.
Just because Linux is a free OS does not make journalist advocacy any less unethical. Call them "non-profit whores" if you must. But no one is clean in this business. No one.
Advocacy.
Shilling.
A tech industry on its knees.
Investors wiping dot-com bubble remains from their faces.
Linux IPOs failing, bankruptcies in the offing.
"The NYSE moves to Linux."
The irony is palpable.