Hey Slashboteers!! It's almost New Year! What will you be doing?
Lancing my zits using the folded out paperclip which I normally use in my CD-ROM's emergency eject hole.
Browsing Anime fan sites looking for mistakes in character names, especially those where hyphens, apostrophes and spaces have not been used to convey correct emphasis. If I find them, I let everyone know about it.
Looking for comments to reply to on Slashdot, with particular importance placed on those where I can type "Bzzzt. Wrong. Use Linux. Get a degree. There's no jobs. 3: Profit!"
Browsing Sourceforge for a project to join in with. It should preferably be at "5, Production/Stable" so that I can jump on the bandwagon, get my name in the credits and then claim I've been there from the start.
Cutting pictures of women out of fashion magazines and then crumpling up the forehead section, followed up by some seriously frantic masturbation to my new "Klingon Goddess"
Removing the stuffing from my little sister's teddy bear so that I can stick a D-Link router inside, take a digital picture and get a link from Slashdot to my homepage.
Picking my nose while scanning Tom's Hardware looking for the latest equipment, and then posting to every message board possible bitching about the lack of Linux driver support and closed APIs.
Searching eBay for more tentacle rape hentai to add to my watchlist.
Going over plans for Taco's Jubei cabinet, and then realising that it was all just a front for a secret wank room that could be used while Fent was in the house.
Replying to Junis' latest e-mail about Baywatch re-runs and the compression factor on DivX 5.02
Helping CowboyNeal remove the "Pepsi Big Gulp" bottle from his ass.
Hey Slashboteers!! It's almost New Year! What will you be doing?
Lancing my zits using the folded out paperclip which I normally use in my CD-ROM's emergency eject hole.
Browsing Anime fan sites looking for mistakes in character names, especially those where hyphens, apostrophes and spaces have not been used to convey correct emphasis. If I find them, I let everyone know about it.
Looking for comments to reply to on Slashdot, with particular importance placed on those where I can type "Bzzzt. Wrong. Use Linux. Get a degree. There's no jobs. 3: Profit!"
Browsing Sourceforge for a project to join in with. It should preferably be at "5, Production/Stable" so that I can jump on the bandwagon, get my name in the credits and then claim I've been there from the start.
Cutting pictures of women out of fashion magazines and then crumpling up the forehead section, followed up by some seriously frantic masturbation to my new "Klingon Goddess"
Removing the stuffing from my little sister's teddy bear so that I can stick a D-Link router inside, take a digital picture and get a link from Slashdot to my homepage.
Picking my nose while scanning Tom's Hardware looking for the latest equipment, and then posting to every message board possible bitching about the lack of Linux driver support and closed APIs.
Searching eBay for more tentacle rape hentai to add to my watchlist.
Going over plans for Taco's Jubei cabinet, and then realising that it was all just a front for a secret wank room that could be used while Fent was in the house.
Replying to Junis' latest e-mail about Baywatch re-runs and the compression factor on DivX 5.02
Helping CowboyNeal remove the "Pepsi Big Gulp" bottle from his ass.
"Hi. Yeah. Erm, what the hell are 'boxen', 'VAXen', 'OSen' and 'Virii'?"
"These are mystical non-words, which have been conjured up by stupid wankers wanting to appear hip, cool and intellectual. Nothing to see here. Please move along."
"Why is everyone so against Microsoft? And what is up with that dollar sign?"
"Welcome to Slashdot. Much in the same way that one dog sniffs another's ass to evaluate that individual, so is this practice of marking your grounds of viewpoint. Think of it as a Linux user bending over and farting - It is all about making their views heard.
"Who is Junis?"
"The most legendary troll ever to grace the pages of Slashdot. Not only was a Slashdot editor duped into posting a complete article on the opression of Kabul's geeks, but it also spawned a veritable banquet of new trolling material (such as optimum temperatures for storing Commodore hardware buried under chicken huts and the abundance of DivX Baywatch episodes)"
"What is 'YHBT. YHL. HAND.'? I see it everywhere!"
"This is commonly seen in comments sections after a pathetic Slashboteer or paranoid YRO fanatic has been suckered into replying to a finely crafted piece of literary genius."
"Why the hell would someone want to re-program some obscure electronic device that is no longer produced?"
"Many cock-smoking Slashdot users like to claim that it is 'because they can'. In fact, it boils down to 'because I've got nothing else better to do'. These are normally the same people who think that their university attendance made them technical gods and everyone else is worthless."
"I recently saw an article on programming, and lots of people posted code snippets. Problem is, most of it was wrong. Why is that?"
"A high percentage of Slashdot users are still in university, and think that after day 1 of 'Introduction to C' that they are ready to code embedded systems for Boeing or Raytheon. They spend endless hours posting about how they've hacked device x, when in fact all they've done is downloaded the SDK, bragged about 16-bit bus register cron-job front side bus accumulators and watched 'Anti-Trust' for the 797th time."
If you'd like to make a contribution to the FAQ, post a reply or e-mail this 3l337 h@x0r
This troll is dedicated to Nicola Wheeler on ITV's Emmerdale. mmmmm.... top heavy....
Recipe for a Slashbot
on
ALICE vs. ALICE
·
· Score: -1, Troll
Recipe for a Slashbot
First, take a teenage boy (not like that, Katz does that later). Next, give him a "C for Dummies" book and then
get his folks to cough up enough cash to send him to university. Simmer with annoying teens of a similar ilk
until enough pent up sexual frustration allows the boy to feel rebellious towards his country and all the laws
that have got him to university in the first place. Next, add a dash of commie ideals and force repeatedly down
with generous helpings of the Linux operating system. Now that the wannabe "hacker" has had his mind filled
with backwashed rubbish, add in a dash of anti-Microsoft sentiment. Pay particular attention at this stage and
make sure that said boy also uses a dollar symbol for every iteration of the Microsoft trademark.
When complete, prepare the "Source". Mix a little piss-poor C code with a hint of Perl. Stir with adequate
helpings of MySQL. Now add emacs and vi - just enough to add spice and future raging flame war material. Now
shake until a large mess of fucking awful "Source" is produced. Most of these "I hack the kernel" wannabes
cannot and will never code to a good standard.
While simmering the "Source", open the boy up and stuff him full of bullshit ideology. Recommended ingredients
are:
"Freedom of Speech" : I can trade copyrighted MP3s because information wants to be free.
"Free the Chinese from internet monitoring by Big Brother" : I completely ignore the fact that they have a
right to live with their own culture, ideals and values as is stated in MY OWN FUCKING CONSTITUTION.
"The government is out to get me" : Start working with Linux distributions such as Tin Foil Hat and then
post completely raving non-sensical rubbish about how 'the NSA has been bugging me for years'.
When "Source" is ready, open a PayPal account and hand over a few dollars to a bunch of useless chimps who
can't spell. While waiting for the boy to come to the boil, peruse Slashdot. Find hundreds of arrogant comments
posted by "I'm a student and I know Linux so I must be a fucking computing god and don't you dare argue with
me" types, print out and stuff into boy. 30 minutes later, your slashbot is complete. Finish off nicely with a
side-order of Debian CDs, unwashed Linux t-shirt and ThinkGeek gift certificate.
Your final result should be : An arrogant, paranoid, smelly know-it-all with basic UNIX capabilities, fuck-all
programming ability and appalling social skills. You will find that the result of your labours will be the
first to shout out about freedom of speech, but will quickly moderate down anyone they disagree with.
Re:I put my PDA in a safe.
on
Secure PDAs
·
· Score: -1
"God forbid...nothing can match the customizability found in building your own computer...Besides which I would imagine many on Slashdot would be perfectly capable of building their own computers."
So you're 31337? Then why are you...
"...giving them to the service desk at my local computer shop, and telling them how to fill in the blanks."
Erm? WHAT?!? That's like "baking your own bread" by leaning over the counter and shouting instructions to the baker.
"Hi. Yeah. Erm, what the hell are 'boxen', 'VAXen', 'OSen' and 'Virii'?"
"These are mystical non-words, which have been conjured up by stupid wankers wanting to appear hip, cool and intellectual. Nothing to see here. Please move along."
"Why is everyone so against Microsoft? And what is up with that dollar sign?"
"Welcome to Slashdot. Much in the same way that one dog sniffs another's ass to evaluate that individual, so is this practice of marking your grounds of viewpoint. Think of it as a Linux user bending over and farting - It is all about making their views heard.
"Who is Junis?"
"The most legendary troll ever to grace the pages of Slashdot. Not only was a Slashdot editor duped into posting a complete article on the opression of Kabul's geeks, but it also spawned a veritable banquet of new trolling material (such as optimum temperatures for storing Commodore hardware buried under chicken huts and the abundance of DivX Baywatch episodes)"
"What is 'YHBT. YHL. HAND.'? I see it everywhere!"
"This is commonly seen in comments sections after a pathetic Slashboteer or paranoid YRO fanatic has been suckered into replying to a finely crafted piece of literary genius."
"Why the hell would someone want to re-program some obscure electronic device that is no longer produced?"
"Many cock-smoking Slashdot users like to claim that it is 'because they can'. In fact, it boils down to 'because I've got nothing else better to do'. These are normally the same people who think that their university attendance made them technical gods and everyone else is worthless."
"I recently saw an article on programming, and lots of people posted code snippets. Problem is, most of it was wrong. Why is that?"
"A high percentage of Slashdot users are still in university, and think that after day 1 of 'Introduction to C' that they are ready to code embedded systems for Boeing or Raytheon. They spend endless hours posting about how they've hacked device x, when in fact all they've done is downloaded the SDK, bragged about 16-bit bus register cron-job front side bus accumulators and watched 'Anti-Trust' for the 797th time."
If you'd like to make a contribution to the FAQ, post a reply or e-mail this 3l337 h@x0r
This troll is dedicated to Nicola Wheeler on ITV's Emmerdale. mmmmm.... top heavy....
"Linux is nowhere near secure enough for military use anyway, even the NSA secure version that was developed."... "It's more important to have a trained staff looking for bugs than to have the code open sourced, especially with national security questions."
Quite simply the most intelligent post I've read here in months. Well said, sir.
It is 10pm. Do you know where your karma is?
Right! Let us get started...
In order to get maximum karma from Slashdot posting, you can follow a few simple guidelines.
The University you go to. Regardless of where you actually study, saying that you're at MIT automagically gains you +2. Slashdot, like the glorified student notice board that it is, has a special place in its heart for anything from MIT - whether it be a teddy bear stuffed with a switch, or some wankers wrapping a yellow banner with elvish text around the main dome. Even if you didn't go to university, qualify every comment with a "My professor told me" to bask in the warm fuzzy glow of +2, Insightful.
Linux. The basis of the "Slashdot Experience". Claiming you run Linux also gets you +1, Interesting. It doesn't really matter if you've never actually installed it, or your Red Hat box still doesn't have PPP running after 2 years of reading FAQs. The important bit is - You're part of the community. You can bathe in the refelected glory of years of shoddy, buggy code. You are exempt from the Microsoft penalty (see below) as, of course, your Win 98 install is only used for playing games. And reading Slashdot. And using MS Word. And Photoshop. And....
Microsoft. Slashbots and the editors hate Microsoft. Period. Use of a $ symbol in every iteration of their trademarks gets you a +4, Funny. Even though it is far from original, it still manages to raise a grin in those people reading Slashdot between episodes of Cowboy Bebop. You will get a -1, Flamebait or Troll for any post even hinting that Microsoft products are any good / useful / intuitive / user friendly. You will also quickly be shot down with replies about how good GNOME and KDE are, which will then in turn erupt into a flame war.
Freedom / Privacy / YRO. The bread and butter of Slashdot. It fits in sublimely with the whole "Linux" thing. You'll get a +3, Informative for any post containing the Ben Franklin quote about sacrificing essential liberty. It makes no difference that the quote is totally irrelevant in the modern world - Hey, you've got karma! Mis-credting the quote will not end up in a karma penalty, as has been demonstrated countless times. You will gain extra karma if you make reference to your experiences of being wire-tapped by the NSA, and throwing in a vague link to Echelon, black helicopters or Tin Foil Hat Linux. Include a link to the First Amendment for a +1, Interesting mod. Give yourself a pat on the back if you manage to include some extra raging paranoia with no evidence to back it up. Nice!
BSD. If you use it, don't mention it on Slashdot. Most of the Linux-using friendless wonders that inhabit Slashdot wouldn't know quality and stability if it strolled up and kicked them in the throat with a size 13 HiTec Magnum boot. Any mention of how a Firewall running OpenBSD with pf is far superior to Linux's pathetic offering will soon see you as -1, Troll. Much like the post you're reading now.
Yearning for yester-year. Although most comments are written by first year "wannabe-CS-guru" students or links to goatse.cx, there is still the fallout dregs of the dot com boom lurking around slashdot. You can get +5, Insightful for telling how you were so badly treated after the bubble burst. Whining about the lack of jobs where you get paid to fire foam darts at colleagues is a good start. Don't forget to mention how you've now been out of work for months - It starts a "I'm about to graduate and there's nothing going" fuckfest which can spill over into hundreds of comments. Although all the staff who were any good simply got hired into another company, it makes "Good Karma Sense"® to hide the fact that your passing familiarity with Perl and C simply can't get you a job. This is also a prime opportunity to show your egregious personality, as Slashdot rewards arrogance and elitism.
DON'T FORGET TO MOD ME DOWN! GO ON! YOU KNOW YOU WANT TO!
"Hi. Yeah. Erm, what the hell are 'boxen', 'VAXen', 'OSen' and 'Virii'?"
"These are mystical non-words, which have been conjured up by stupid wankers wanting to appear hip, cool and intellectual. Nothing to see here. Please move along."
"Why is everyone so against Microsoft? And what is up with that dollar sign?"
"Welcome to Slashdot. Much in the same way that one dog sniffs another's ass to evaluate that individual, so is this practice of marking your grounds of viewpoint. Think of it as a Linux user bending over and farting - It is all about making their views heard.
"Who is Junis?"
"The most legendary troll ever to grace the pages of Slashdot. Not only was a Slashdot editor duped into posting a complete article on the opression of Kabul's geeks, but it also spawned a veritable banquet of new trolling material (such as optimum temperatures for storing Commodore hardware buried under chicken huts and the abundance of DivX Baywatch episodes)"
"What is 'YHBT. YHL. HAND.'? I see it everywhere!"
"This is commonly seen in comments sections after a pathetic Slashboteer or paranoid YRO fanatic has been suckered into replying to a finely crafted piece of literary genius."
"Why the hell would someone want to re-program some obscure electronic device that is no longer produced?"
"Many cock-smoking Slashdot users like to claim that it is 'because they can'. In fact, it boils down to 'because I've got nothing else better to do'. These are normally the same people who think that their university attendance made them technical gods and everyone else is worthless."
"I recently saw an article on programming, and lots of people posted code snippets. Problem is, most of it was wrong. Why is that?"
"A high percentage of Slashdot users are still in university, and think that after day 1 of 'Introduction to C' that they are ready to code embedded systems for Boeing or Raytheon. They spend endless hours posting about how they've hacked device x, when in fact all they've done is downloaded the SDK, bragged about 16-bit bus register cron-job front side bus accumulators and watched 'Anti-Trust' for the 797th time."
If you'd like to make a contribution to the FAQ, post a reply or e-mail this 3l337 h@x0r
This troll is dedicated to Nicola Wheeler on ITV's Emmerdale. mmmmm.... top heavy....
"Hi. Yeah. Erm, what the hell are 'boxen', 'VAXen', 'OSen' and 'Virii'?"
"These are mystical non-words, which have been conjured up by stupid wankers wanting to appear hip, cool and intellectual. Nothing to see here. Please move along."
"Why is everyone so against Microsoft? And what is up with that dollar sign?"
"Welcome to Slashdot. Much in the same way that one dog sniffs another's ass to evaluate that individual, so is this practice of marking your grounds of viewpoint. Think of it as a Linux user bending over and farting - It is all about making their views heard.
"Who is Junis?"
"The most legendary troll ever to grace the pages of Slashdot. Not only was a Slashdot editor duped into posting a complete article on the opression of Kabul's geeks, but it also spawned a veritable banquet of new trolling material (such as optimum temperatures for storing Commodore hardware buried under chicken huts and the abundance of DivX Baywatch episodes)"
"What is 'YHBT. YHL. HAND.'? I see it everywhere!"
"This is commonly seen in comments sections after a pathetic Slashboteer or paranoid YRO fanatic has been suckered into replying to a finely crafted piece of literary genius."
"Why the hell would someone want to re-program some obscure electronic device that is no longer produced?"
"Many cock-smoking Slashdot users like to claim that it is 'because they can'. In fact, it boils down to 'because I've got nothing else better to do'. These are normally the same people who think that their university attendance made them technical gods and everyone else is worthless."
"I recently saw an article on programming, and lots of people posted code snippets. Problem is, most of it was wrong. Why is that?"
"A high percentage of Slashdot users are still in university, and think that after day 1 of 'Introduction to C' that they are ready to code embedded systems for Boeing or Raytheon. They spend endless hours posting about how they've hacked device x, when in fact all they've done is downloaded the SDK, bragged about 16-bit bus register cron-job front side bus accumulators and watched 'Anti-Trust' for the 797th time."
If you'd like to make a contribution to the FAQ, post a reply or e-mail this 3l337 h@x0r
This troll is dedicated to Nicola Wheeler on ITV's Emmerdale. mmmmm.... top heavy....
"Hi. Yeah. Erm, what the hell are 'boxen', 'VAXen', 'OSen' and 'Virii'?"
"These are mystical non-words, which have been conjured up by stupid wankers wanting to appear hip, cool and intellectual. Nothing to see here. Please move along."
"Why is everyone so against Microsoft? And what is up with that dollar sign?"
"Welcome to Slashdot. Much in the same way that one dog sniffs another's ass to evaluate that individual, so is this practice of marking your grounds of viewpoint. Think of it as a Linux user bending over and farting - It is all about making their views heard.
"Who is Junis?"
"The most legendary troll ever to grace the pages of Slashdot. Not only was a Slashdot editor duped into posting a complete article on the opression of Kabul's geeks, but it also spawned a veritable banquet of new trolling material (such as optimum temperatures for storing Commodore hardware buried under chicken huts and the abundance of DivX Baywatch episodes)"
"What is 'YHBT. YHL. HAND.'? I see it everywhere!"
"This is commonly seen in comments sections after a pathetic Slashboteer or paranoid YRO fanatic has been suckered into replying to a finely crafted piece of literary genius."
"Why the hell would someone want to re-program some obscure electronic device that is no longer produced?"
"Many cock-smoking Slashdot users like to claim that it is 'because they can'. In fact, it boils down to 'because I've got nothing else better to do'. These are normally the same people who think that their university attendance made them technical gods and everyone else is worthless."
"I recently saw an article on programming, and lots of people posted code snippets. Problem is, most of it was wrong. Why is that?"
"A high percentage of Slashdot users are still in university, and think that after day 1 of 'Introduction to C' that they are ready to code embedded systems for Boeing or Raytheon. They spend endless hours posting about how they've hacked device x, when in fact all they've done is downloaded the SDK, bragged about 16-bit bus register cron-job front side bus accumulators and watched 'Anti-Trust' for the 797th time."
If you'd like to make a contribution to the FAQ, post a reply or e-mail this 3l337 h@x0r
This troll is dedicated to Nicola Wheeler on ITV's Emmerdale. mmmmm.... top heavy....
"Hi. Yeah. Erm, what the hell are 'boxen', 'VAXen', 'OSen' and 'Virii'?"
"These are mystical non-words, which have been conjured up by stupid wankers wanting to appear hip, cool and
intellectual. Nothing to see here. Please move along."
"Why is everyone so against Microsoft? And what is up with that dollar sign?"
"Welcome to Slashdot. Much in the same way that one dog sniffs another's ass to evaluate that individual, so is this practice of
marking your grounds of viewpoint. Think of it as a Linux user bending over and farting - It is all about making their views heard.
"Who is Junis?"
"The most legendary troll ever to grace the pages of Slashdot. Not only was a Slashdot editor duped into posting a complete article on the opression of Kabul's
geeks, but it also spawned a veritable banquet of new trolling material (such as optimum temperatures for storing Commodore hardware
buried under chicken huts and the abundance of DivX Baywatch episodes)"
"What is 'YHBT. YHL. HAND.'? I see it everywhere!"
"This is commonly seen in comments sections after a pathetic Slashboteer or paranoid YRO fanatic has been suckered into replying to a finely crafted piece of literary genius."
"Why the hell would someone want to re-program some obscure electronic device that is no longer produced?"
"Many cock-smoking Slashdot users like to claim that it is 'because they can'. In fact, it boils down to 'because I've got nothing
else better to do'. These are normally the same people who think that their university attendance made them technical gods and everyone
else is worthless."
"I recently saw an article on programming, and lots of people posted code snippets. Problem is, most of it was wrong. Why is
that?"
"A high percentage of Slashdot users are still in university, and think that after day 1 of 'Introduction to C' that they are ready
to code embedded systems for Boeing or Raytheon. They spend
endless hours posting about how they've hacked device x, when in fact all they've done is downloaded the SDK, bragged about
16-bit bus register cron-job front side bus accumulators and watched 'Anti-Trust' for the 797th time."
If you'd like to make a contribution to the FAQ, post a reply or e-mail this 3l337 h@x0r
This troll is dedicated to Nicola Wheeler on ITV's Emmerdale.
mmmmm.... top heavy....
Slashbot Fun Time Frolics Simply copy n' paste your favourite expression into a post!
"Oooh! How schweet! Does it run Linux?"
"I wonder how long it will take before Linux is ported to this puppy?"
"I was going to write the app, but I was too lazy to do it, and waited for someone else to make it instead."
"The GPL is great - Let's discuss it."
"My professor said I should be using emacs..."
"My professor said I should be using vi..."
"It's sooo easy to port this application, why hasn't anyone done it yet? I would, but I'm too busy working on the
kernel and choosing new Transformers wallpaper..."
"If everyone was as talented a coder as me, we'd have beaten Microsoft by now!"
"I don't care if Windows Ultra has no bugs or security flaws whatsoever, it's still worse than Linux."
"Chyeah! Right! If it was a business requirement to use Java, they should have refused to do the project!"
"Of course I don't use Internet Explorer. I only use it when I'm forced to, like at the office, and at school,
and at home..."
"The government can kiss my ass until they stop monitoring my phone calls... FREEEEEDOM!"
"I can't believe you paid money for Photoshop! GIMP is way better dude!"
"I was going to Ask Slashdot, but then I noticed that Dragonball Z was on cartoon network..."
"I've always wanted a Japanese girlfriend so I can understand my non-dubbed/subbed anime collection..."
"Uh! That's is such a rip off of Communication OS from Serial Experiments Lain!"
"Why didn't Alan ask Linus about the VM? I like being on first name basis with my heroes."
"Everyone on IRC told me Enterprise was crap. I watched it, loved it, and then told everyone I met that it was
crap."
"The government is taking away my rights! This is so like '1984'!"
"I'm reading the preface to C for Dummies and my head already hurts..."
"But real programmers use a CLI! Anybody who doesn't use a Common Library Injector should have got a degree like
me!"
"I'm going to code my Gamecube emulator in C, but even though I have only ever used Visual Basic Learning
Edition, it should be a one banana problem and ready in the next few days."
"I hardly think you can call me a fashion victim - I been encoding to ogg since 1994"
"But I'm taking Computer Science at university; You WILL respect my opinion! I am the law!"
"I may have only just graduated, and may still be looking for work, but I've got more experience than you with
your '20 years of coding'!! Get A BS!"
"I asked Neff if they would Open Source the code to my microwave, but they told me it was proprietary..."
"I know Ada, Fortran, Cobol, C, C++, Java, HTML, Perl and RPG.... Oh, I thought you meant know *of* them..."
"There's a sourceforge project creating just what you're looking
for..."
"Me and a bunch of people got drunk, thought we could code, submitted the
idea and produced a fancy web page. It's now two years later and the project
has no files to download and is STILL on Stage 1, Planning."
"That's the beauty of UNIX - Lots of little tools which can be used
together. Far more flexible!"
"I've been reading UNIX in a Nutshell for SVR4 and fuck knows what any of
this flags stuff is about"
"Linux is far more secure than Windows. My box has never been
hacked."
"I can install Red Hat from a bootable CD. The machine is not connected to a
network and all I do all day is type ps, pwd and ls. I'm so l33t."
"You might want to try going to college and learning about this
stuff!"
"My folks are rich enough to send me off for further education. I am now in
an uber-elite crowd of know-it-alls and I am here to belittle you. Fear me."
"Microsoft products are soooo insecure!"
"I've spent the last two years being subjected to biased slashdot
propaganda. I couldn't hack into a properly configured windows system if my
life depended on it."
"We should file an antitrust lawsuit against Sony"
"I've spent far too much time absorbing bullshit ideals from anarchists. The truth of the matter is, I just don't want to pay for anything whatsoever. Britney CDs should be free because I think that somehow the constitution protects my illegal copying and distribution under some freedom of speech law or fair use act. Even though I don't have to go out and buy luxury items, I'm gonna whinge and bitch anyway"
"Have you considered using Linux?"
"I've only been using it for a week, and now my hardcore wannabe techno friends think I'm a guru. I now recommend it to everybody based upon what I've read at slashdot."
"Don't you find that parsing this bitset through the compliation alogirithm that is piped out through GCC on a command line echo really works well for logarithmically sound sine wave matcher?"
"Somebody please shoot me several times in the head. I am fucking clueless."
"If they join all the state drivers licence databases together, they'll be able to track me! How do I change my identity?"
"I'm too fucking dense to realise that this has been going on for over 15 years already, and I've just finished reading 1984. Go figure."
It is 10pm. Do you know where your karma is?
Right! Let us get started...
In order to get maximum karma from Slashdot posting, you can follow a few simple guidelines.
The University you go to. Regardless of where you actually study, saying that you're at MIT automagically gains
you +2. Slashdot, like the glorified student notice board that it is, has a special place in its heart for anything
from MIT - whether it be a teddy bear stuffed with a switch, or some wankers wrapping a yellow banner with elvish
text around the main dome. Even if you didn't go to university, qualify every comment with a "My professor told me"
to bask in the warm fuzzy glow of +2, Insightful.
Linux. The basis of the "Slashdot Experience". Claiming you run Linux also gets you +1, Interesting. It doesn't
really matter if you've never actually installed it, or your Red Hat box still doesn't have PPP running after 2 years
of reading FAQs. The important bit is - You're part of the community. You can bathe in the refelected glory of years
of shoddy, buggy code. You are exempt from the Microsoft penalty (see below) as, of course, your Win 98 install is
only used for playing games. And reading Slashdot. And using MS Word. And Photoshop. And....
Microsoft. Slashbots and the editors hate Microsoft. Period. Use of a $ symbol in every iteration of their
trademarks gets you a +4, Funny. Even though it is far from original, it still manages to raise a grin in those
people reading Slashdot between episodes of Cowboy Bebop. You will get a -1, Flamebait or Troll for any post even
hinting that Microsoft products are any good / useful / intuitive / user friendly. You will also quickly be shot down
with replies about how good GNOME and KDE are, which will then in turn erupt into a flame war.
Freedom / Privacy / YRO. The bread and butter of Slashdot. It fits in sublimely with the whole "Linux" thing.
You'll get a +3, Informative for any post containing the Ben Franklin quote about sacrificing essential liberty. It
makes no difference that the quote is totally irrelevant in the modern world - Hey, you've got karma! Mis-credting
the quote will not end up in a karma penalty, as has been demonstrated countless times. You will gain extra karma if
you make reference to your experiences of being wire-tapped by the NSA, and throwing in a vague link to Echelon,
black helicopters or Tin Foil Hat Linux. Include a link to the First Amendment for a +1, Interesting mod. Give
yourself a pat on the back if you manage to include some extra raging paranoia with no evidence to back it up.
Nice!
BSD. If you use it, don't mention it on Slashdot. Most of the Linux-using friendless wonders that inhabit
Slashdot wouldn't know quality and stability if it strolled up and kicked them in the throat with a size 13 HiTec
Magnum boot. Any mention of how a Firewall running OpenBSD with pf is far superior to Linux's pathetic offering will
soon see you as -1, Troll. Much like the post you're reading now.
Yearning for yester-year. Although most comments are written by first year "wannabe-CS-guru" students or links
to goatse.cx, there is still the fallout dregs of the dot com boom lurking around slashdot. You can get +5,
Insightful for telling how you were so badly treated after the bubble burst. Whining about the lack of jobs where you
get paid to fire foam darts at colleagues is a good start. Don't forget to mention how you've now been out of work
for months - It starts a "I'm about to graduate and there's nothing going" fuckfest which can spill over into
hundreds of comments. Although all the staff who were any good simply got hired into another company, it makes "Good
Karma Sense"® to hide the fact that your passing familiarity with Perl and C simply can't get you a job. This is
also a prime opportunity to show your egregious personality, as Slashdot rewards arrogance and elitism.
DON'T FORGET TO MOD ME DOWN! GO ON! YOU KNOW YOU WANT TO!
Funny. I posted that (as part of the Slashdot to English Translator-matic) and got a -1, Troll. You regurge it several months later for 5, Funny. Oh well, swings and roundabouts...
Hey Slashboteers! Are you finishing university? *STILL* unemployed after the dot com layoffs? Well, have we got the answer for you! Chief Executive Officer Rob Madla and SS Officer Michael Sims invite you to join them at the Black River Public School in Holland, Michigan from the 25th of August for the SLASHDOT SUMMER CAMP. Three full days of pony rides, coding and male bonding. Special Appearances by NAMBLA Grand Wizard Katz with his partner Wai Tu Yung.
Activities include:
Bouncy 'CowboyNeal' Castle - Pick a cheek and jump, bitch!
Salami Slam - Jon Katz's unusual variation of naked leapfrog.
Anime Association - Sit around with CmdrTaco and watch Anime with no subtitles or dubbing and pretend to know what's going on. Free Juice.
Advanced Kernel Hacking - Workshop on changing printf() statements and then re-compiling to make it look like you're 3ll37. Hosted by Alan Cox.
Masters of Perl - Jamie shows you how NOT to code by demonstrating the latest version of Slash.
Delusional Paranoia 101 - How to quote 1984 and Franklin for your YRO posts.
The Great Penguin Push - Instructional piece on cramming penguin plush toys into tight spaces.
DivX for the C64 - Featuring our guest speaker "Junis".
Tickets are US$90 each, and the event lasts for three days. For more information, or to book a place, contact CmdrTaco
Terms & Conditions:
Spaces are limited to how many people we can lock in a basement. Camp is open to males aged between 12 and 19. No soap is allowed on the premises. CmdrTaco's Jubei cabinet is not to be used as a simulated coffin for sex games without his involvement.
Hey Slashboteers! Are you finishing university? *STILL* unemployed after the dot com layoffs? Well, have we got the answer for you! Chief Executive Officer Rob Madla and SS Officer Michael Sims invite you to join them at the Black River Public School in Holland, Michigan from the 10th of August for the SLASHDOT SUMMER CAMP. Three full days of pony rides, coding and male bonding. Special Appearances by NAMBLA Grand Wizard Katz with his partner Wai Tu Yung.
Activities include:
Bouncy 'CowboyNeal' Castle - Pick a cheek and jump, bitch!
Salami Slam - Jon Katz's unusual variation of naked leapfrog.
Anime Association - Sit around with CmdrTaco and watch Anime with no subtitles or dubbing and pretend to know what's going on. Free Juice.
Advanced Kernel Hacking - Workshop on changing printf() statements and then re-compiling to make it look like you're 3ll37. Hosted by Alan Cox.
Masters of Perl - Jamie shows you how NOT to code by demonstrating the latest version of Slash.
Delusional Paranoia 101 - How to quote 1984 and Franklin for your YRO posts.
The Great Penguin Push - Instructional piece on cramming penguin plush toys into tight spaces.
DivX for the C64 - Featuring our guest speaker "Junis".
Tickets are US$90 each, and the event lasts for three days. For more information, or to book a place, contact CmdrTaco
Terms & Conditions:
Spaces are limited to how many people we can lock in a basement. Camp is open to males aged between 12 and 19. No soap is allowed on the premises. CmdrTaco's Jubei cabinet is not to be used as a simulated coffin for sex games without his involvement.
Hey Slashboteers! Are you finishing university? *STILL* unemployed after the dot
com layoffs? Well, have we got the answer for you! Chief Executive Officer Rob
Madla and SS Officer Michael Sims invite you to join them at the Black River
Public School in Holland, Michigan from the 10th of August for the SLASHDOT
SUMMER CAMP. Three full days of pony rides, coding and male bonding. Special
Appearances by NAMBLA Grand Wizard Katz with his partner Wai Tu Yung.
Activities include:
Bouncy 'CowboyNeal' Castle - Pick a cheek and jump, bitch!
Salami Slam - Jon Katz's unusual variation of naked leapfrog.
Anime Association - Sit around with CmdrTaco and watch Anime with no
subtitles or dubbing and pretend to know what's going on. Free Juice.
Advanced Kernel Hacking - Workshop on changing printf() statements and then
re-compiling to make it look like you're 3ll37. Hosted by Alan Cox.
Masters of Perl - Jamie shows you how NOT to code by demonstrating the latest
version of Slash.
Delusional Paranoia 101 - How to quote 1984 and Franklin for your YRO posts.
The Great Penguin Push - Instructional piece on cramming penguin plush toys
into tight spaces.
DivX for the C64 - Featuring our guest speaker "Junis".
Tickets are US$90 each, and the event lasts for three days. For more information,
or to book a place, contact CmdrTaco
Terms & Conditions:
Spaces are limited to how many people we can lock in a basement. Camp is open to
males aged between 12 and 19. No soap is allowed on the premises. CmdrTaco's
Jubei cabinet is not to be used as a simulated coffin for sex games without his
involvement.
Slashdot Mirror
That's right folks, step right up! You can now get your goatse by the paaaahnd!!!!
Have it you slaaaaaags!!!!!!
Hey Slashboteers!! It's almost New Year! What will you be doing?
Hey Slashboteers!! It's almost New Year! What will you be doing?
Unofficial Slashdot FAQ
By ReluctantBadger
- "Hi. Yeah. Erm, what the hell are 'boxen', 'VAXen', 'OSen' and 'Virii'?"
- "Why is everyone so against Microsoft? And what is up with that dollar sign?"
- "Who is Junis?"
- "What is 'YHBT. YHL. HAND.'? I see it everywhere!"
- "Why the hell would someone want to re-program some obscure electronic device that is no longer produced?"
- "I recently saw an article on programming, and lots of people posted code snippets. Problem is, most of it was wrong. Why is that?"
If you'd like to make a contribution to the FAQ, post a reply or e-mail this 3l337 h@x0r"These are mystical non-words, which have been conjured up by stupid wankers wanting to appear hip, cool and intellectual. Nothing to see here. Please move along."
"Welcome to Slashdot. Much in the same way that one dog sniffs another's ass to evaluate that individual, so is this practice of marking your grounds of viewpoint. Think of it as a Linux user bending over and farting - It is all about making their views heard.
"The most legendary troll ever to grace the pages of Slashdot. Not only was a Slashdot editor duped into posting a complete article on the opression of Kabul's geeks, but it also spawned a veritable banquet of new trolling material (such as optimum temperatures for storing Commodore hardware buried under chicken huts and the abundance of DivX Baywatch episodes)"
"This is commonly seen in comments sections after a pathetic Slashboteer or paranoid YRO fanatic has been suckered into replying to a finely crafted piece of literary genius."
"Many cock-smoking Slashdot users like to claim that it is 'because they can'. In fact, it boils down to 'because I've got nothing else better to do'. These are normally the same people who think that their university attendance made them technical gods and everyone else is worthless."
"A high percentage of Slashdot users are still in university, and think that after day 1 of 'Introduction to C' that they are ready to code embedded systems for Boeing or Raytheon. They spend endless hours posting about how they've hacked device x, when in fact all they've done is downloaded the SDK, bragged about 16-bit bus register cron-job front side bus accumulators and watched 'Anti-Trust' for the 797th time."
This troll is dedicated to Nicola Wheeler on ITV's Emmerdale. mmmmm.... top heavy....
Recipe for a Slashbot
First, take a teenage boy (not like that, Katz does that later). Next, give him a "C for Dummies" book and then get his folks to cough up enough cash to send him to university. Simmer with annoying teens of a similar ilk until enough pent up sexual frustration allows the boy to feel rebellious towards his country and all the laws that have got him to university in the first place. Next, add a dash of commie ideals and force repeatedly down with generous helpings of the Linux operating system. Now that the wannabe "hacker" has had his mind filled with backwashed rubbish, add in a dash of anti-Microsoft sentiment. Pay particular attention at this stage and make sure that said boy also uses a dollar symbol for every iteration of the Microsoft trademark.
When complete, prepare the "Source". Mix a little piss-poor C code with a hint of Perl. Stir with adequate helpings of MySQL. Now add emacs and vi - just enough to add spice and future raging flame war material. Now shake until a large mess of fucking awful "Source" is produced. Most of these "I hack the kernel" wannabes cannot and will never code to a good standard.
While simmering the "Source", open the boy up and stuff him full of bullshit ideology. Recommended ingredients are:
When "Source" is ready, open a PayPal account and hand over a few dollars to a bunch of useless chimps who can't spell. While waiting for the boy to come to the boil, peruse Slashdot. Find hundreds of arrogant comments posted by "I'm a student and I know Linux so I must be a fucking computing god and don't you dare argue with me" types, print out and stuff into boy. 30 minutes later, your slashbot is complete. Finish off nicely with a side-order of Debian CDs, unwashed Linux t-shirt and ThinkGeek gift certificate.
Your final result should be : An arrogant, paranoid, smelly know-it-all with basic UNIX capabilities, fuck-all programming ability and appalling social skills. You will find that the result of your labours will be the first to shout out about freedom of speech, but will quickly moderate down anyone they disagree with.
Welcome to my foes list.
Zealot, pig headed and bloody minded,
Sterotypical Slashdot user;
The worse thing is the editors,
One's an habitual child abuser!
News for Nerds. Stuff that Matters.
We hear it all the time;
You'll be moderated into oblivion,
Unless you toe the party line.
Ninety eighty four is here,
Our freedom's all but lost!
My house is bugged I am not free,
If I speak it's at what cost?
Government corruption, RIAA lies,
Oh! A big tax on MP3!
I've got 40 gigs of music,
And none owing to piracy.
Flame and SHOUT and type *sigh*
It makes themselves look gay;
On any proper message board,
They'd just be cleared away!
First year of a uni ed,
They think they know it all;
Installed RedHat from a CD,
And blitzed the '98 install.
But soon they'll notice problems,
When MS Word will work no more;
The answer to their worries is
Q247804
Slashdot sucks, and no denying,
The state of things right here;
56ker and HanzoSan,
Talking shit throughout the year.
Jesus Christ this site is lame,
Predictable Microsoft bashing;
But no-one mentions the 2.4 tree,
When bug caused filesystem crashing.
Security holes debated all the time,
You'd think they'd get it right;
But Linux servers are just as bad,
Warnings published out of sight.
To sum it up with a simple phrase,
(the zealots have started crying);
Linux was just a fad and phase,
Thank god Slashdot is dying.
*** SLASHBOT ALERT *** SLASHBOT ALERT ***
"God forbid...nothing can match the customizability found in building your own computer...Besides which I would imagine many on Slashdot would be perfectly capable of building their own computers."
So you're 31337? Then why are you...
"...giving them to the service desk at my local computer shop, and telling them how to fill in the blanks."
Erm? WHAT?!? That's like "baking your own bread" by leaning over the counter and shouting instructions to the baker.
Unofficial Slashdot FAQ
By ReluctantBadger
- "Hi. Yeah. Erm, what the hell are 'boxen', 'VAXen', 'OSen' and 'Virii'?"
- "Why is everyone so against Microsoft? And what is up with that dollar sign?"
- "Who is Junis?"
- "What is 'YHBT. YHL. HAND.'? I see it everywhere!"
- "Why the hell would someone want to re-program some obscure electronic device that is no longer produced?"
- "I recently saw an article on programming, and lots of people posted code snippets. Problem is, most of it was wrong. Why is that?"
If you'd like to make a contribution to the FAQ, post a reply or e-mail this 3l337 h@x0r"These are mystical non-words, which have been conjured up by stupid wankers wanting to appear hip, cool and intellectual. Nothing to see here. Please move along."
"Welcome to Slashdot. Much in the same way that one dog sniffs another's ass to evaluate that individual, so is this practice of marking your grounds of viewpoint. Think of it as a Linux user bending over and farting - It is all about making their views heard.
"The most legendary troll ever to grace the pages of Slashdot. Not only was a Slashdot editor duped into posting a complete article on the opression of Kabul's geeks, but it also spawned a veritable banquet of new trolling material (such as optimum temperatures for storing Commodore hardware buried under chicken huts and the abundance of DivX Baywatch episodes)"
"This is commonly seen in comments sections after a pathetic Slashboteer or paranoid YRO fanatic has been suckered into replying to a finely crafted piece of literary genius."
"Many cock-smoking Slashdot users like to claim that it is 'because they can'. In fact, it boils down to 'because I've got nothing else better to do'. These are normally the same people who think that their university attendance made them technical gods and everyone else is worthless."
"A high percentage of Slashdot users are still in university, and think that after day 1 of 'Introduction to C' that they are ready to code embedded systems for Boeing or Raytheon. They spend endless hours posting about how they've hacked device x, when in fact all they've done is downloaded the SDK, bragged about 16-bit bus register cron-job front side bus accumulators and watched 'Anti-Trust' for the 797th time."
This troll is dedicated to Nicola Wheeler on ITV's Emmerdale. mmmmm.... top heavy....
"Linux is nowhere near secure enough for military use anyway, even the NSA secure version that was developed."
Quite simply the most intelligent post I've read here in months. Well said, sir.
Yep, I'm a troll, but OpenBSD is my OS of choice.
- Screaming Electron - Excellent message board
- Nomoa BSD - Slightly out-of-date but still a good resource
- OpenBSD Journal - Great OpenBSD news site
- subscribe to the Mailing Lists
Despite what my fellow trolls may think, OpenBSD is definitely *not* dying. I run it on every server here at work - "It just works".It is 10pm. Do you know where your karma is?
Right! Let us get started...
In order to get maximum karma from Slashdot posting, you can follow a few simple guidelines.
DON'T FORGET TO MOD ME DOWN! GO ON! YOU KNOW YOU WANT TO!
Unofficial Slashdot FAQ
By ReluctantBadger
- "Hi. Yeah. Erm, what the hell are 'boxen', 'VAXen', 'OSen' and 'Virii'?"
- "Why is everyone so against Microsoft? And what is up with that dollar sign?"
- "Who is Junis?"
- "What is 'YHBT. YHL. HAND.'? I see it everywhere!"
- "Why the hell would someone want to re-program some obscure electronic device that is no longer produced?"
- "I recently saw an article on programming, and lots of people posted code snippets. Problem is, most of it was wrong. Why is that?"
If you'd like to make a contribution to the FAQ, post a reply or e-mail this 3l337 h@x0r"These are mystical non-words, which have been conjured up by stupid wankers wanting to appear hip, cool and intellectual. Nothing to see here. Please move along."
"Welcome to Slashdot. Much in the same way that one dog sniffs another's ass to evaluate that individual, so is this practice of marking your grounds of viewpoint. Think of it as a Linux user bending over and farting - It is all about making their views heard.
"The most legendary troll ever to grace the pages of Slashdot. Not only was a Slashdot editor duped into posting a complete article on the opression of Kabul's geeks, but it also spawned a veritable banquet of new trolling material (such as optimum temperatures for storing Commodore hardware buried under chicken huts and the abundance of DivX Baywatch episodes)"
"This is commonly seen in comments sections after a pathetic Slashboteer or paranoid YRO fanatic has been suckered into replying to a finely crafted piece of literary genius."
"Many cock-smoking Slashdot users like to claim that it is 'because they can'. In fact, it boils down to 'because I've got nothing else better to do'. These are normally the same people who think that their university attendance made them technical gods and everyone else is worthless."
"A high percentage of Slashdot users are still in university, and think that after day 1 of 'Introduction to C' that they are ready to code embedded systems for Boeing or Raytheon. They spend endless hours posting about how they've hacked device x, when in fact all they've done is downloaded the SDK, bragged about 16-bit bus register cron-job front side bus accumulators and watched 'Anti-Trust' for the 797th time."
This troll is dedicated to Nicola Wheeler on ITV's Emmerdale. mmmmm.... top heavy....
Unofficial Slashdot FAQ
By ReluctantBadger
- "Hi. Yeah. Erm, what the hell are 'boxen', 'VAXen', 'OSen' and 'Virii'?"
- "Why is everyone so against Microsoft? And what is up with that dollar sign?"
- "Who is Junis?"
- "What is 'YHBT. YHL. HAND.'? I see it everywhere!"
- "Why the hell would someone want to re-program some obscure electronic device that is no longer produced?"
- "I recently saw an article on programming, and lots of people posted code snippets. Problem is, most of it was wrong. Why is that?"
If you'd like to make a contribution to the FAQ, post a reply or e-mail this 3l337 h@x0r"These are mystical non-words, which have been conjured up by stupid wankers wanting to appear hip, cool and intellectual. Nothing to see here. Please move along."
"Welcome to Slashdot. Much in the same way that one dog sniffs another's ass to evaluate that individual, so is this practice of marking your grounds of viewpoint. Think of it as a Linux user bending over and farting - It is all about making their views heard.
"The most legendary troll ever to grace the pages of Slashdot. Not only was a Slashdot editor duped into posting a complete article on the opression of Kabul's geeks, but it also spawned a veritable banquet of new trolling material (such as optimum temperatures for storing Commodore hardware buried under chicken huts and the abundance of DivX Baywatch episodes)"
"This is commonly seen in comments sections after a pathetic Slashboteer or paranoid YRO fanatic has been suckered into replying to a finely crafted piece of literary genius."
"Many cock-smoking Slashdot users like to claim that it is 'because they can'. In fact, it boils down to 'because I've got nothing else better to do'. These are normally the same people who think that their university attendance made them technical gods and everyone else is worthless."
"A high percentage of Slashdot users are still in university, and think that after day 1 of 'Introduction to C' that they are ready to code embedded systems for Boeing or Raytheon. They spend endless hours posting about how they've hacked device x, when in fact all they've done is downloaded the SDK, bragged about 16-bit bus register cron-job front side bus accumulators and watched 'Anti-Trust' for the 797th time."
This troll is dedicated to Nicola Wheeler on ITV's Emmerdale. mmmmm.... top heavy....
"While one can use xsane instead of their ImageScan! software, the latter is easier to use and produces subjectively more attractive output."
As is normally the case when comparing Open Source to commercial software.
I thank you...
Unofficial Slashdot FAQ
By ReluctantBadger
- "Hi. Yeah. Erm, what the hell are 'boxen', 'VAXen', 'OSen' and 'Virii'?"
- "Why is everyone so against Microsoft? And what is up with that dollar sign?"
- "Who is Junis?"
- "What is 'YHBT. YHL. HAND.'? I see it everywhere!"
- "Why the hell would someone want to re-program some obscure electronic device that is no longer produced?"
- "I recently saw an article on programming, and lots of people posted code snippets. Problem is, most of it was wrong. Why is that?"
If you'd like to make a contribution to the FAQ, post a reply or e-mail this 3l337 h@x0r"These are mystical non-words, which have been conjured up by stupid wankers wanting to appear hip, cool and intellectual. Nothing to see here. Please move along."
"Welcome to Slashdot. Much in the same way that one dog sniffs another's ass to evaluate that individual, so is this practice of marking your grounds of viewpoint. Think of it as a Linux user bending over and farting - It is all about making their views heard.
"The most legendary troll ever to grace the pages of Slashdot. Not only was a Slashdot editor duped into posting a complete article on the opression of Kabul's geeks, but it also spawned a veritable banquet of new trolling material (such as optimum temperatures for storing Commodore hardware buried under chicken huts and the abundance of DivX Baywatch episodes)"
"This is commonly seen in comments sections after a pathetic Slashboteer or paranoid YRO fanatic has been suckered into replying to a finely crafted piece of literary genius."
"Many cock-smoking Slashdot users like to claim that it is 'because they can'. In fact, it boils down to 'because I've got nothing else better to do'. These are normally the same people who think that their university attendance made them technical gods and everyone else is worthless."
"A high percentage of Slashdot users are still in university, and think that after day 1 of 'Introduction to C' that they are ready to code embedded systems for Boeing or Raytheon. They spend endless hours posting about how they've hacked device x, when in fact all they've done is downloaded the SDK, bragged about 16-bit bus register cron-job front side bus accumulators and watched 'Anti-Trust' for the 797th time."
This troll is dedicated to Nicola Wheeler on ITV's Emmerdale. mmmmm.... top heavy....
Unofficial Slashdot FAQ
By ReluctantBadger
- "Hi. Yeah. Erm, what the hell are 'boxen', 'VAXen', 'OSen' and 'Virii'?"
- "Why is everyone so against Microsoft? And what is up with that dollar sign?"
- "Who is Junis?"
- "What is 'YHBT. YHL. HAND.'? I see it everywhere!"
- "Why the hell would someone want to re-program some obscure electronic device that is no longer produced?"
- "I recently saw an article on programming, and lots of people posted code snippets. Problem is, most of it was wrong. Why is
that?"
If you'd like to make a contribution to the FAQ, post a reply or e-mail this 3l337 h@x0r"These are mystical non-words, which have been conjured up by stupid wankers wanting to appear hip, cool and intellectual. Nothing to see here. Please move along."
"Welcome to Slashdot. Much in the same way that one dog sniffs another's ass to evaluate that individual, so is this practice of marking your grounds of viewpoint. Think of it as a Linux user bending over and farting - It is all about making their views heard.
"The most legendary troll ever to grace the pages of Slashdot. Not only was a Slashdot editor duped into posting a complete article on the opression of Kabul's geeks, but it also spawned a veritable banquet of new trolling material (such as optimum temperatures for storing Commodore hardware buried under chicken huts and the abundance of DivX Baywatch episodes)"
"This is commonly seen in comments sections after a pathetic Slashboteer or paranoid YRO fanatic has been suckered into replying to a finely crafted piece of literary genius."
"Many cock-smoking Slashdot users like to claim that it is 'because they can'. In fact, it boils down to 'because I've got nothing else better to do'. These are normally the same people who think that their university attendance made them technical gods and everyone else is worthless."
"A high percentage of Slashdot users are still in university, and think that after day 1 of 'Introduction to C' that they are ready to code embedded systems for Boeing or Raytheon. They spend endless hours posting about how they've hacked device x, when in fact all they've done is downloaded the SDK, bragged about 16-bit bus register cron-job front side bus accumulators and watched 'Anti-Trust' for the 797th time."
This troll is dedicated to Nicola Wheeler on ITV's Emmerdale. mmmmm.... top heavy....
Simply copy n' paste your favourite expression into a post!
1st Official Slashdot to English Translator-matic
"Me and a bunch of people got drunk, thought we could code, submitted the idea and produced a fancy web page. It's now two years later and the project has no files to download and is STILL on Stage 1, Planning."
"I've been reading UNIX in a Nutshell for SVR4 and fuck knows what any of this flags stuff is about"
"I can install Red Hat from a bootable CD. The machine is not connected to a network and all I do all day is type ps, pwd and ls. I'm so l33t."
"My folks are rich enough to send me off for further education. I am now in an uber-elite crowd of know-it-alls and I am here to belittle you. Fear me."
"I've spent the last two years being subjected to biased slashdot propaganda. I couldn't hack into a properly configured windows system if my life depended on it."
"I've spent far too much time absorbing bullshit ideals from anarchists. The truth of the matter is, I just don't want to pay for anything whatsoever. Britney CDs should be free because I think that somehow the constitution protects my illegal copying and distribution under some freedom of speech law or fair use act. Even though I don't have to go out and buy luxury items, I'm gonna whinge and bitch anyway"
"I've only been using it for a week, and now my hardcore wannabe techno friends think I'm a guru. I now recommend it to everybody based upon what I've read at slashdot."
"Somebody please shoot me several times in the head. I am fucking clueless."
"I'm too fucking dense to realise that this has been going on for over 15 years already, and I've just finished reading 1984. Go figure."
It is 10pm. Do you know where your karma is?
Right! Let us get started...
In order to get maximum karma from Slashdot posting, you can follow a few simple guidelines.
DON'T FORGET TO MOD ME DOWN! GO ON! YOU KNOW YOU WANT TO!
Funny. I posted that (as part of the Slashdot to English Translator-matic) and got a -1, Troll. You regurge it several months later for 5, Funny. Oh well, swings and roundabouts...
SLASHDOT SUMMER CAMP
Hey Slashboteers! Are you finishing university? *STILL* unemployed after the dot com layoffs? Well, have we got the answer for you! Chief Executive Officer Rob Madla and SS Officer Michael Sims invite you to join them at the Black River Public School in Holland, Michigan from the 25th of August for the SLASHDOT SUMMER CAMP. Three full days of pony rides, coding and male bonding. Special Appearances by NAMBLA Grand Wizard Katz with his partner Wai Tu Yung.
Activities include:
Tickets are US$90 each, and the event lasts for three days. For more information, or to book a place, contact CmdrTaco
Terms & Conditions:
Spaces are limited to how many people we can lock in a basement. Camp is open to males aged between 12 and 19. No soap is allowed on the premises. CmdrTaco's Jubei cabinet is not to be used as a simulated coffin for sex games without his involvement.
SLASHDOT SUMMER CAMP
Hey Slashboteers! Are you finishing university? *STILL* unemployed after the dot com layoffs? Well, have we got the answer for you! Chief Executive Officer Rob Madla and SS Officer Michael Sims invite you to join them at the Black River Public School in Holland, Michigan from the 10th of August for the SLASHDOT SUMMER CAMP. Three full days of pony rides, coding and male bonding. Special Appearances by NAMBLA Grand Wizard Katz with his partner Wai Tu Yung.
Activities include:
Tickets are US$90 each, and the event lasts for three days. For more information, or to book a place, contact CmdrTaco
Terms & Conditions:
Spaces are limited to how many people we can lock in a basement. Camp is open to males aged between 12 and 19. No soap is allowed on the premises. CmdrTaco's Jubei cabinet is not to be used as a simulated coffin for sex games without his involvement.
Zealot, pig headed and bloody minded,
Sterotypical Slashdot user;
The worse thing is the editors,
One's an habitual child abuser!
News for Nerds. Stuff that Matters.
We hear it all the time;
You'll be moderated into oblivion,
Unless you toe the party line.
Ninety eighty four is here,
Our freedom's all but lost!
My house is bugged I am not free,
If I speak it's at what cost?
Government corruption, RIAA lies,
Oh! A big tax on MP3!
I've got 40 gigs of music,
And none owing to piracy.
Flame and SHOUT and type *sigh*
It makes themselves look gay;
On any proper message board,
They'd just be cleared away!
First year of a uni ed,
They think they know it all;
Installed RedHat from a CD,
And blitzed the '98 install.
But soon they'll notice problems,
When MS Word will work no more;
The answer to their worries is
Q247804
Slashdot sucks, and no denying,
The state of things right here;
56ker and HanzoSan,
Talking shit throughout the year.
Jesus Christ this site is lame,
Predictable Microsoft bashing;
But no-one mentions the 2.4 tree,
When bug caused filesystem crashing.
Security holes debated all the time,
You'd think they'd get it right;
But Linux servers are just as bad,
Warnings published out of sight.
To sum it up with a simple phrase,
(the zealots have started crying);
Linux was just a fad and phase,
Thank god Slashdot is dying.
SLASHDOT SUMMER CAMP
Hey Slashboteers! Are you finishing university? *STILL* unemployed after the dot com layoffs? Well, have we got the answer for you! Chief Executive Officer Rob Madla and SS Officer Michael Sims invite you to join them at the Black River Public School in Holland, Michigan from the 10th of August for the SLASHDOT SUMMER CAMP. Three full days of pony rides, coding and male bonding. Special Appearances by NAMBLA Grand Wizard Katz with his partner Wai Tu Yung.
Activities include:
Tickets are US$90 each, and the event lasts for three days. For more information, or to book a place, contact CmdrTaco
Terms & Conditions:
Spaces are limited to how many people we can lock in a basement. Camp is open to males aged between 12 and 19. No soap is allowed on the premises. CmdrTaco's Jubei cabinet is not to be used as a simulated coffin for sex games without his involvement.