that was funny - come on moderators - you KNOW that was funny!
Re:Yay! No more Death Stars!
on
IBM Spins Down
·
· Score: -1
It was a skill he developed over the years - unlike your English skills...:)
Re:HOWTO: Recipe for making a Slashdot Troll
on
E3 Wrapup
·
· Score: -1
yeh, its a damn shame - I've been partitioning for links to PIC's for ages (and large fonts).
But of course the ultimate service slashdot could provide would be embedded EXE files - now THAT would make for interesting first posts:)
HOWTO: Recipe for making a Slashdot Troll
on
E3 Wrapup
·
· Score: -1, Offtopic
Take a high school student who likes computers and remove all girlfriend activity for 2 years.
Add 4 years of college or working with PCs
Mix with a dash of DOS/Windows experiance getting games to run
Take an old beat up PC and gradually stir in Linux
Blend with 5-6 years of surfing the net
Take 1 slashdot user ID and slowly add karma until it reaches the boil (50points)
Quickly stir in anger from clueless moderators
Simmer just under the boil for 3 months
Add complaints to the editors
Add a pinch of first posting
In a separate bowl (account) add a new slashdot login ( preferably with the words TROLL and a rude word) and mix with plenty of alcohol.
Serve with plenty of sarcasm, crapflooding, bad humour and FIRST POSTs.
All comments under 1 are not archived after 'x' weeks, and purged from the database - never to be seen again. So if you get modded down, you will never see it again.
.. be displaying classic ASCII goatse.cx pics from slashdot.
Now, before you mod me as a troll - think for a minute... Slashdot is a rich tapestry of geek minded people - including the trolls.
WHY DONT WE GET A TROLL MUSEUM !!!
It would be cool... there would be anti-MS stuff, anti GNU/Linux stuff, lots of GOATSE.CX links, subtle trolls, flamebait, offtopic shit and stupid lame arsed jokes.... ahhh....
VOTE [1] = We Want A Slashdot Troll Museum
Hi. I'm The_Fire_Horse and you might remember me from such posts as
"Backups? Ha - not on my shift" and
"How to sneak Christmas card EXE's through the corporate firewall".
There has been a lot of talk lately about if linux is ready for the desktop.
Issues such as useability, reliability, security, applications have all been discussed,
argued and generally thrashed to the limits.
Today we go straight to the source and get an interview with that one elusive user
who actually USES all these desktops - Joe Sixpack.
TFH : So tell us Joe, how do you think your computing experiance can be enhanced
through modern Operating Systems.
J6P: [cracks a tinnie] What the fuck are you on about?
TFH: What do you want your computer to do?
J6P : Lookin at tits and ass - why, what do *you* use a computer for?
TFH: Ok - so you like to look at porn. What else, do you use documents, like resumes for jobs or a database for your Tax Returns ?
J6P: [snorts beer through nose] - HAW HAW HAW HAW HAW - shit, you're some kind of fucking comedian aint yu?
Hell, no I dont do any of that nerdy shit. But the missus likes to play that card game sometimes.
TFH: How do you backup your downloaded porn. I mean, where do you keep it after downloading it - Hard disk, CDR, floppy?
J6P: Hey, watch it boy - there aint nutin 'floppy' about me, alright ?
Hmmm... let me think [scratches nuts... for several minutes] Oh, I git yu - yup. You mean when Jemma Maria is yappin on the blower, who do I git me hooter pics?
TFH:... yes
J6P: Well - its a pain in the ass, but we go to the folders on the computer and click on them from there.
TFH: So, that would mean you have to go to My Computer, then My Pictures to get your.. um.. porn
J6P: [scratches head] Nope that isnt it... Ummm... its called.. oh, yeh.
All me stuff is stuffed in \home\Joe\ I just go to there and all me pics are there in one spot.
TFH: You use Linux!?!?
J6P: Who? Ah, crap I dont know. Its a PC - I wouldnt know who made the fucking thing
TFH: So how... why... did you install it?
J6P: Well, you see when we first got it it had this fancy 'Windows 98' screen after you turned the power on, and it looked
pretty, but after it finished i didnt know where the fuck anything was - there were icons everywhere. I just wanted Porn and the missus just wanted solitaire.
The we get this CD in the post called "Simple Linux". So , I plugged it in and it took about 25 minutes of chugging away but when it was done I had all my porn in one spot, the missus had here card game (3 of em now actually!).
TFH: So you moved away from Windows98 and installed Linux and it works well now?
J6P: Well apart from the missing cloud startup screen - it works a shit load better than before - we can leave it running for days without that Blue screen appearing all the time - and it displays the porn faster too.
TFH: Thanks, Mr Sixpack for your answers - you've been very helpful
J6P: [cracks a tinnie] No worries - you wanna see my collection, I've got...
TFH:... No - thanks, I've got to go.So there you have it folks - from the horses mouth , all people want is easy access to their Porn - and it looks like Linux can deliver!
Again, good for you. If you can't find your way around, use the clipster. If you're really bright you know you can turn it into an Einstein fellow, you know?
So *that's* what the MSCE training is for - cool. Thanks for the tip. Oh, a word of advice - dont ever admit on slashdot that you know how to "customise clippy".
Its been 3 months since my last bootup into Windows ME. I thought I could control it - I said to myself, I'll just boot into it quickly and have a short game of solitaire - just for old times sake - Surely one game wouldn't hurt?
Well, that game of cards, became two games of cards, then 3, then 4, then 9. I was using Windows for hours - not just cards, but the hard stuff too. I loaded Office and started making Powerpoint presentations. My wife came in at one stage and asked how long I was going to be - as I had been there for 5 hours at that stage. I lost it. I yelled at her to get out and to leave me alone. She ran out crying, and I kept using Windows.
The night crept along into early morning as I continued my descent into hell. I ran every applet in the control panel - I changed my wallpaper, screensaver, icon spacings,everything. The continued Blue screens should have been a warning, but I relentlessly configured and played... I even.... [choke]..... used Clippy...
At last my body could take no more and I fell asleep on the keyboard at 6am exhausted and spiritually battered. I called in sick the next day - my boss asked if I had 'fallen off the wagon and pulled another bender' - I denied it.
Well I cant deny it anymore, I'm a microsofholic and I take each day at a time. The reason I'm writing this is to give hope to the others - you are not alone, and help is available. Just take one day at a time.
The moderators are on crack - how can this be 'offtopic' when this IS the 'GREAT SLASHDOT BLACKOUT'.
Damnit - ITS A JOKE !!!! Laugh, before your heart seizes up on you - sheesh
Top 10 excuses to break the Slashdot Blackout
on
VoIP at $15 a Pop
·
· Score: -1, Offtopic
So you thought the blackout was a good idea and you made a pact with yourself
to post nothing for that week when suddenly - without really knowing why - you post a
comment during blackout week...
Hi, I'm the The_Fire_Horse and
you might remember me from such posts as
'Everything you wanted to know about Semen' and 'Who is CowboyNeal - really'
My task today is to simply list, what I think, are the top 10 reasons that people posted
during the GREAT SLASHDOT BACKOUT
10. Jon Katz posting a blatent fucking advert for his latest book
9. That 'coool' story about the android head -
you had to ask "When will the Real Doll version be available?"
8. A blackout - great! At least all the other insightful posters will be
out of my hair and I can get some KARMA !
7. You're addicted to Slashdot - just admit it. You can't help yourself
6. Sorry, but I just HAD to have a break from study - its either post to slashdot or I'll just burst (see above)
5. I got drunk and forget about the blackout
4. I was downloading pr0n and my mum walked in on me, so I quickly
started typing in shit to cover my arse
3. I dont give a fuck about any blackout - what is this - some kind of commie ritual or something?
2. You are a smelly, stinky troll and dont care what anyone else thinks (hey - that's me!)
.. and the number one reason for breaking the Slashdot Blackout, is...
1. I really like the community, but I want to make the editors see the effect of no comments
for a week, but I cruised by slashdot and saw "Read More...." - so I just had to type
F I R S T
P O S T
HOW TO STOP THE BLACKOUT == JON KATZ ADVERTS
on
Dog Bites Website
·
· Score: 0, Funny
Brilliant thinking editors!!
I can see it now
Taco - man, the comments really are down
Hemo - yep, the advertisers are noticing too
Katz - dribble, whiffle, waffle, snarf
Taco - Hey, Jon - feel free to plug your latest book
Katx - coooool
Hemo - he he, nice one
Taco - [leans back on chair], Yep - no one will be able to help themselves, it'll be a 700+ article in 20 minutes flat.
Slashdot Mirror
I agree - its damn funny, insightful and very well written. I only wish that this sort of thing was taught in schools.
that was funny - come on moderators - you KNOW that was funny!
It was a skill he developed over the years - unlike your English skills... :)
yeh, its a damn shame - I've been partitioning for links to PIC's for ages (and large fonts).
:)
But of course the ultimate service slashdot could provide would be embedded EXE files - now THAT would make for interesting first posts
Take a high school student who likes computers and remove all girlfriend activity for 2 years.
Add 4 years of college or working with PCs
Mix with a dash of DOS/Windows experiance getting games to run
Take an old beat up PC and gradually stir in Linux
Blend with 5-6 years of surfing the net
Take 1 slashdot user ID and slowly add karma until it reaches the boil (50points)
Quickly stir in anger from clueless moderators
Simmer just under the boil for 3 months
Add complaints to the editors
Add a pinch of first posting
In a separate bowl (account) add a new slashdot login ( preferably with the words TROLL and a rude word) and mix with plenty of alcohol.
Serve with plenty of sarcasm, crapflooding, bad humour and FIRST POSTs.
Serves over 500,000
Bill... from the Academy?
Man, this is weird!
Struth, cobber!
So, didga get a few free coldies, at the pictures, eh?
(grrr... lucky bastard..)
usenet, Yes
Slashdot, Nope
All comments under 1 are not archived after 'x' weeks, and purged from the database - never to be seen again. So if you get modded down, you will never see it again.
.. be displaying classic ASCII goatse.cx pics from slashdot.
Now, before you mod me as a troll - think for a minute... Slashdot is a rich tapestry of geek minded people - including the trolls.
WHY DONT WE GET A TROLL MUSEUM !!!
It would be cool... there would be anti-MS stuff, anti GNU/Linux stuff, lots of GOATSE.CX links, subtle trolls, flamebait, offtopic shit and stupid lame arsed jokes.... ahhh....
VOTE [1] = We Want A Slashdot Troll Museum
... I mean - look at the guys name!
How can 'Hooray Beer' be anything except +5 insightful!!!
OH, and I agree about pr0n uniting the world [apart from those butch feminist bitches of course..]
I mean - really.... it is obviously better that this 'reafhat' stuff
HEY - this is a rerun!!!
You cant fool me - I've been itching to see what Mandy does next.
You gotta let us know.... does she do it or not ?
... or something like that....
Hi. I'm The_Fire_Horse and you might remember me from such posts as "Backups? Ha - not on my shift" and "How to sneak Christmas card EXE's through the corporate firewall".
... yes
.. um.. porn .
... why... did you install it?
... No - thanks, I've got to go.So there you have it folks - from the horses mouth , all people want is easy access to their Porn - and it looks like Linux can deliver!
There has been a lot of talk lately about if linux is ready for the desktop. Issues such as useability, reliability, security, applications have all been discussed, argued and generally thrashed to the limits. Today we go straight to the source and get an interview with that one elusive user who actually USES all these desktops - Joe Sixpack.
TFH : So tell us Joe, how do you think your computing experiance can be enhanced through modern Operating Systems.
J6P: [cracks a tinnie] What the fuck are you on about?
TFH: What do you want your computer to do?
J6P : Lookin at tits and ass - why, what do *you* use a computer for?
TFH: Ok - so you like to look at porn. What else, do you use documents, like resumes for jobs or a database for your Tax Returns ?
J6P: [snorts beer through nose] - HAW HAW HAW HAW HAW - shit, you're some kind of fucking comedian aint yu?
Hell, no I dont do any of that nerdy shit. But the missus likes to play that card game sometimes.
TFH: How do you backup your downloaded porn. I mean, where do you keep it after downloading it - Hard disk, CDR, floppy?
J6P: Hey, watch it boy - there aint nutin 'floppy' about me, alright ?
Hmmm... let me think [scratches nuts... for several minutes] Oh, I git yu - yup. You mean when Jemma Maria is yappin on the blower, who do I git me hooter pics?
TFH:
J6P: Well - its a pain in the ass, but we go to the folders on the computer and click on them from there.
TFH: So, that would mean you have to go to My Computer, then My Pictures to get your
J6P: [scratches head] Nope that isnt it... Ummm... its called.. oh, yeh
All me stuff is stuffed in \home\Joe\ I just go to there and all me pics are there in one spot.
TFH: You use Linux!?!?
J6P: Who? Ah, crap I dont know. Its a PC - I wouldnt know who made the fucking thing
TFH: So how
J6P: Well, you see when we first got it it had this fancy 'Windows 98' screen after you turned the power on, and it looked pretty, but after it finished i didnt know where the fuck anything was - there were icons everywhere. I just wanted Porn and the missus just wanted solitaire.
The we get this CD in the post called "Simple Linux". So , I plugged it in and it took about 25 minutes of chugging away but when it was done I had all my porn in one spot, the missus had here card game (3 of em now actually!).
TFH: So you moved away from Windows98 and installed Linux and it works well now? J6P: Well apart from the missing cloud startup screen - it works a shit load better than before - we can leave it running for days without that Blue screen appearing all the time - and it displays the porn faster too.
TFH: Thanks, Mr Sixpack for your answers - you've been very helpful
J6P: [cracks a tinnie] No worries - you wanna see my collection, I've got...
TFH:
ok - I'll bite..
What's the prize?
I even.... [choke] ..... used Clippy
Again, good for you. If you can't find your way around, use the clipster. If you're really bright you know you can turn it into an Einstein fellow, you know?
So *that's* what the MSCE training is for - cool. Thanks for the tip. Oh, a word of advice - dont ever admit on slashdot that you know how to "customise clippy".
Its been 3 months since my last bootup into Windows ME. I thought I could control it - I said to myself, I'll just boot into it quickly and have a short game of solitaire - just for old times sake - Surely one game wouldn't hurt?
,everything. The continued Blue screens should have been a warning, but I relentlessly configured and played... I even.... [choke] ..... used Clippy...
Well, that game of cards, became two games of cards, then 3, then 4, then 9. I was using Windows for hours - not just cards, but the hard stuff too. I loaded Office and started making Powerpoint presentations. My wife came in at one stage and asked how long I was going to be - as I had been there for 5 hours at that stage. I lost it. I yelled at her to get out and to leave me alone. She ran out crying, and I kept using Windows.
The night crept along into early morning as I continued my descent into hell. I ran every applet in the control panel - I changed my wallpaper, screensaver, icon spacings
At last my body could take no more and I fell asleep on the keyboard at 6am exhausted and spiritually battered. I called in sick the next day - my boss asked if I had 'fallen off the wagon and pulled another bender' - I denied it.
Well I cant deny it anymore, I'm a microsofholic and I take each day at a time. The reason I'm writing this is to give hope to the others - you are not alone, and help is available. Just take one day at a time.
... they would surgically remove his balls!
nothing at all....
oh... umm... 7th post ?
OOH - careful, now - you are paying out the honorable 'first poster of the article'
:) ....
Are you sure he's a complete fucktard, or maybe hes just trolling?
Hmmm, then again- maybe you're right
why is the parent modded down to -1 when they have a very valid point.
.. IS FUNNY
1. There ARE only a few irrelevant phrases
2. This is an ANGELFILE page for gods sake!
3. The joke about subcription costs
Thanks for exposing the truth - I often wondered about the origin of PKZIP, and now that I have read your comment - I am enlightened :)
The moderators are on crack - how can this be 'offtopic' when this IS the 'GREAT SLASHDOT BLACKOUT'.
Damnit - ITS A JOKE !!!! Laugh, before your heart seizes up on you - sheesh
So you thought the blackout was a good idea and you made a pact with yourself to post nothing for that week when suddenly - without really knowing why - you post a comment during blackout week...
.. and the number one reason for breaking the Slashdot Blackout, is ...
...." - so I just had to type
Hi, I'm the The_Fire_Horse and you might remember me from such posts as 'Everything you wanted to know about Semen' and 'Who is CowboyNeal - really'
My task today is to simply list, what I think, are the top 10 reasons that people posted during the GREAT SLASHDOT BACKOUT
10. Jon Katz posting a blatent fucking advert for his latest book
9. That 'coool' story about the android head - you had to ask "When will the Real Doll version be available?"
8. A blackout - great! At least all the other insightful posters will be out of my hair and I can get some KARMA !
7. You're addicted to Slashdot - just admit it. You can't help yourself
6. Sorry, but I just HAD to have a break from study - its either post to slashdot or I'll just burst (see above)
5. I got drunk and forget about the blackout
4. I was downloading pr0n and my mum walked in on me, so I quickly started typing in shit to cover my arse
3. I dont give a fuck about any blackout - what is this - some kind of commie ritual or something?
2. You are a smelly, stinky troll and dont care what anyone else thinks (hey - that's me!)
1. I really like the community, but I want to make the editors see the effect of no comments for a week, but I cruised by slashdot and saw "Read More
F I R S T
P O S T
Brilliant thinking editors!!
I can see it now
Taco - man, the comments really are down
Hemo - yep, the advertisers are noticing too
Katz - dribble, whiffle, waffle, snarf
Taco - Hey, Jon - feel free to plug your latest book
Katx - coooool
Hemo - he he, nice one
Taco - [leans back on chair], Yep - no one will be able to help themselves, it'll be a 700+ article in 20 minutes flat.