It reminds me of the days I set sail on the seven seas, seekin' booty and plunderin' unsuspectin' trade ships in my path. I hoisted the skull flag and sent shivers down the spine of any a good mariner, yo ho ho!
I> Chevy Van by Sammy Johns. copyright 2002 ASCAP/BMI
Gave a girl a ride in my wagon
She crawled in and took control
She was tired as her mind was a draggin'
I said "Get some sleep and dream of rock and roll"
Cause like a picture she was layin there
Moonlight dancin off her hair
She woke up and took me by the hand
We made love in my Chevy Van and that's all right with me
Her young face was like that of an angel
Her long legs
Were tan and brown
Better keep
Your eyes on the road son
Better slow this vehicle down
Cause like a picture she was layin there
Moonlight dancin off her hair
She woke up and took me by the hand
We made love in my Chevy Van and that's all right with me
I put her out
In a town that was so small
You could throw
A rock from end to end
Dirt road main street, she walked off in bare feet
It's a shame I won't be passing through again
Cause like a picture she was layin there
Moonlight dancin off her hair
She woke up and took me by the hand
She's gonna love me in my Chevy Van and that's all right with me
I like to lick girls' rumps. Girls like to have their rumps licked. Most girls won't admit they've had their rump licked, let alone enjoyed having their rump licked. But believe you me, if you lick a girl's rump, she'll love you for life. In fact, that was my high school yearbook quote.
My conviction to "slurping the brown pucker" doesn't stem from some traumatic experience I encountered during my anal stage of Freudian development. I mean, sure mommy dearest used to administer the "Burning Knitting Needle Catheter Punishment" when I would accidentally "makey poo-poo in me diap-diaps," but I knew that mommy dearest's austere methods of discipline were only an expression of her unconditional maternal love. No, my affinity for heiney hole spelunking was motivated and fostered by my anatomical, not psychological, irregularities.
You see, I have a small penis.
Forget about the penile deficiency that cruelly yet so naturally accompanies the average Anglo-Saxon male, it's much worse than that. For instance, after a cold shower I look like a seven year old. Girl. I often wish I were hung like a black guy. No, not from a poplar tree. I mean "hung" in terms of having a penis the size of an enraged Ugandan spitting cobra and testicles that resemble an immigrant Italian mother's Christmas dinner meatballs.
So, long before I convinced that first girl (without the use of Thunderbird wine or a cast-iron mallet) that I wasn't so repulsive when compared to Rocky Dennis of Mask fame, I knew I would have to go the extra mile down Aretha (Urethra) Franklin's "Freeway of Love." Yes, I would have to go down like ValuJet.
On one of my first G-spot mining expeditions I struck climactic gold. While I observed a slight twitching as my tongue found my attractive victim's tinkle hole (as it is technically known), I noticed an almost epileptic reaction when I accidentally lapped her greasy donut. From that moment on, my cheese curl of a penis was not an issue, for I had found a way to fill the void, and it was by filling the void with my tongue. Black hole tongue won't you come?
After a cold shower I look like a seven year old. Girl.
When I divulge to other guys that I French kiss the devil's onion ring, their reaction is usually, "What fuck wrong you? That where poop come from!"
First I ask them why they're talking like Cro-Magnon men, then I explain that there is a significant difference between a female's buttocks and the buttocks of her male counterparts. A guy's ass is a fecal cavern of pooplagtites and pooplagmites formed when ass broth continuously smothers and cakes sweaty mounds of bung fur. Dung dreadlocks if you will. In other words, it would be comparable to making out with a pet store's garbage can in mid-July. In contrast, it is imperative that a female maintain a high level of rectal cleanliness to safeguard her vagina from infection. In general, girls' sphincters are cleaner than boys' mouths. But let me warn you perspective stool munchers. Excremation point! On one occasion, I looked like I had just eaten a Snickers bar. They have peanuts in them, you know.
In general, performing analingus will prove to be a pleasurable experience for both you and your female companion. So don't kiss your girlfriend's ass, eat it. If you want her as a soul mate, be an ass soul mate. Because much like this article, true love is tongue and cheek.
We hate ACs because we know who you are...pussy karma whores who complain about the "signal/noise ratio" and then pollute the board with shit like "This early post for Ida!" and "I love calculus!"
If you had balls, a dick, or even a stub where those things once were, you'd get a login. You can even keep your karma whore account if you want (use it to post trolls that get modded up!). But don't pollute the board with your cowardly AC nonsense. YOURMISSIONFORTODAY: Get a fucking login!
Slashdot Mirror
Hoist a glass for the barbary pirates!
Hahahah! You pack it phat with humor, my friend! I will have dislodge this cheese wedge from my anus to make room for your HILARITY!
shave 'em if you got 'em! Dull pain, burning pain, and itchy ballz all at once!
dry shave my ballz with a rusty razor!
ffffffffffaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrtttttttttt!!!!!!! !!!!
God I hate my job. Somebody, please kill me now!
Like...into my pants?
Gave a girl a ride in my wagon
She crawled in and took control
She was tired as her mind was a draggin'
I said "Get some sleep and dream of rock and roll"
Cause like a picture she was layin there
Moonlight dancin off her hair
She woke up and took me by the hand
We made love in my Chevy Van and that's all right with me
Her young face was like that of an angel
Her long legs
Were tan and brown
Better keep
Your eyes on the road son
Better slow this vehicle down
Cause like a picture she was layin there
Moonlight dancin off her hair
She woke up and took me by the hand
We made love in my Chevy Van and that's all right with me
I put her out
In a town that was so small
You could throw
A rock from end to end
Dirt road main street, she walked off in bare feet
It's a shame I won't be passing through again
Cause like a picture she was layin there
Moonlight dancin off her hair
She woke up and took me by the hand
She's gonna love me in my Chevy Van and that's all right with me
In honor of the release of this movie, I have braided my pubic hair into corn rows.
I like to lick girls' rumps. Girls like to have their rumps licked. Most girls won't admit they've had their rump licked, let alone enjoyed having their rump licked. But believe you me, if you lick a girl's rump, she'll love you for life. In fact, that was my high school yearbook quote.
My conviction to "slurping the brown pucker" doesn't stem from some traumatic experience I encountered during my anal stage of Freudian development. I mean, sure mommy dearest used to administer the "Burning Knitting Needle Catheter Punishment" when I would accidentally "makey poo-poo in me diap-diaps," but I knew that mommy dearest's austere methods of discipline were only an expression of her unconditional maternal love. No, my affinity for heiney hole spelunking was motivated and fostered by my anatomical, not psychological, irregularities.
You see, I have a small penis.
Forget about the penile deficiency that cruelly yet so naturally accompanies the average Anglo-Saxon male, it's much worse than that. For instance, after a cold shower I look like a seven year old. Girl. I often wish I were hung like a black guy. No, not from a poplar tree. I mean "hung" in terms of having a penis the size of an enraged Ugandan spitting cobra and testicles that resemble an immigrant Italian mother's Christmas dinner meatballs.
So, long before I convinced that first girl (without the use of Thunderbird wine or a cast-iron mallet) that I wasn't so repulsive when compared to Rocky Dennis of Mask fame, I knew I would have to go the extra mile down Aretha (Urethra) Franklin's "Freeway of Love." Yes, I would have to go down like ValuJet.
On one of my first G-spot mining expeditions I struck climactic gold. While I observed a slight twitching as my tongue found my attractive victim's tinkle hole (as it is technically known), I noticed an almost epileptic reaction when I accidentally lapped her greasy donut. From that moment on, my cheese curl of a penis was not an issue, for I had found a way to fill the void, and it was by filling the void with my tongue. Black hole tongue won't you come? After a cold shower I look like a seven year old. Girl.
When I divulge to other guys that I French kiss the devil's onion ring, their reaction is usually, "What fuck wrong you? That where poop come from!"
First I ask them why they're talking like Cro-Magnon men, then I explain that there is a significant difference between a female's buttocks and the buttocks of her male counterparts. A guy's ass is a fecal cavern of pooplagtites and pooplagmites formed when ass broth continuously smothers and cakes sweaty mounds of bung fur. Dung dreadlocks if you will. In other words, it would be comparable to making out with a pet store's garbage can in mid-July. In contrast, it is imperative that a female maintain a high level of rectal cleanliness to safeguard her vagina from infection. In general, girls' sphincters are cleaner than boys' mouths. But let me warn you perspective stool munchers. Excremation point! On one occasion, I looked like I had just eaten a Snickers bar. They have peanuts in them, you know.
In general, performing analingus will prove to be a pleasurable experience for both you and your female companion. So don't kiss your girlfriend's ass, eat it. If you want her as a soul mate, be an ass soul mate. Because much like this article, true love is tongue and cheek.
Thanks!
I want 4-player, 2-d action games to come back into fashion. How about a MMORPG version of River City Ransom? That would rock the cashbah!
congradulations! you're fucking retarded! why not go back to date-raping you mom, you sick and twisted pile of filth!
Go back to the Sceptered Isle you rotten mouthed, jewel-encrusted FRUIT LOOP!!!
Dude, Squirrelman gets first crack at dead squirrels in my neighborhood. He was in 'Nam, goddammit!
I won't be getting any ontario pussy tonight!
If you had balls, a dick, or even a stub where those things once were, you'd get a login. You can even keep your karma whore account if you want (use it to post trolls that get modded up!). But don't pollute the board with your cowardly AC nonsense. YOURMISSIONFORTODAY: Get a fucking login!
DUUURRRRRPP!!!!
If you're playing Tux Racer, you're supporting TERRORISM.
You need Patchable Crotch Technology(TM), coming soon to a clothes hamper near you!
IAgreeWithMySoapyCrotch.
Belongs to me! Bring it, fellow soapycrotchers!
Since no one has mentioned this yet, I'd just like to point out that Battle Creek, Michigan is the home of the whole F'n show, Mr. 420 himself, Rob Van Dam!
best. username. ever.