I do hate sums. There is no greater mistake than to call arithmetic an exact science. There are permutations and aberrations discernible to minds entirely noble like mine; subtle variations which ordinary accountants fail to discover; hidden laws of number which it requires a mind like mine to perceive. For instance, if you add a sum from the bottom up, and then again from the top down, the result is always different.
-- Mrs. La Touche
- this post brought to you by the Automated Last Post Generator...
What if nothing exists and we're all in somebody's dream? Or what's worse, what if only that fat guy in the third row exists?
-- Woody Allen, "Without Feathers"
- this post brought to you by the Automated Last Post Generator...
The answer to the Ultimate Question of Life, the Universe, and Everything was released with the kind permission of the Amalgamated Union of Philosophers, Sages, Luminaries, and Other Professional Thinking Persons.
- this post brought to you by the Automated Last Post Generator...
This is an especially good time for you vacationers who plan to fly, because the Reagan administration, as part of the same policy under which it recently sold Yellowstone National Park to Wayne Newton, has "deregulated" the airline industry. What this means for you, the consumer, is that the airlines are no longer required to follow any rules whatsoever. They can show snuff movies. They can charge for oxygen. They can hire pilots right out of Vending Machine Refill Person School. They can conserve fuel by ejecting husky passengers over water. They can ram competing planes in mid-air. These innovations have resulted in tremendous cost savings which have been passed along to you, the consumer, in the form of flights with amazingly low fares, such as $29. Of course, certain restrictions do apply, the main one being that all these flights take you to Newark, and you must pay thousands of dollars if you want to fly back out.
-- Dave Barry, "Iowa -- Land of Secure Vacations"
- this post brought to you by the Automated Last Post Generator...
Fortune suggests uses for YOUR favorite UNIX commands!
Try:
[Where is Jimmy Hoffa? (C shell)
^How did the^sex change operation go? (C shell)
"How would you rate BSD vs. System V?
%blow (C shell)
'thou shalt not mow thy grass at 8am' (C shell)
got a light? (C shell)
!!:Say, what do you think of margarine? (C shell)
PATH=pretending!/usr/ucb/which sense (Bourne shell)
make love
make "the perfect dry martini"
man -kisses dog (anything up to 4.3BSD)
i=Hoffa ; >$i; $i; rm $i; rm $i (Bourne shell)
- this post brought to you by the Automated Last Post Generator...
When you are about to do an objective and scientific piece of investigation of a topic, it is well to gave the answer firmly in hand, so that you can proceed forthrightly, without being deflected or swayed, directly to the goal.
-- Amrom Katz
- this post brought to you by the Automated Last Post Generator...
Flat tire on station wagon with tapes. ("Never underestimate the bandwidth of a station wagon full of tapes hurling down the highway" Andrew S. Tanenbaum)
- this post brought to you by the Automated Last Post Generator...
seen jhm
jhm is Sarek, and jhm is on the channel right now! * JHM wonders why dpkg remembers that particular nick.
dpkg: Sarek? ermm, sure, and I am Khan
-- Seen on #Debian
- this post brought to you by the Automated Last Post Generator...
> You know you are "there" when you are known by your first name, and > are recognized. > Lemmie see, there is Madonna, and Linus, and..... help me out here! Bill ?;-)
-- From some postings on comp.os.linux.misc
- this post brought to you by the Automated Last Post Generator...
Two men are in a hot-air balloon. Soon, they find themselves lost in a canyon somewhere. One of the three men says, "I've got an idea. We can call for help in this canyon and the echo will carry our voices to the end of the canyon. Someone's bound to hear us by then!"
So he leans over the basket and screams out, "Helllloooooo! Where are we?" (They hear the echo several times).
Fifteen minutes later, they hear this echoing voice: "Helllloooooo! You're lost!"
The shouter comments, "That must have been a mathematician."
Puzzled, his friend asks, "Why do you say that?"
"For three reasons. First, he took a long time to answer, second, he was absolutely correct, and, third, his answer was absolutely useless."
- this post brought to you by the Automated Last Post Generator...
Live never to be ashamed if anything you do or say is published around the world -- even if what is published is not true.
-- Messiah's Handbook : Reminders for the Advanced Soul
- this post brought to you by the Automated Last Post Generator...
Seems a computer engineer, a systems analyst, and a programmer were driving down a mountain when the brakes gave out. They screamed down the mountain, gaining speed, but finally managed to grind to a halt, more by luck than anything else, just inches from a thousand foot drop to jagged rocks. They all got out of the car:
The computer engineer said, "I think I can fix it."
The systems analyst said, "No, no, I think we should take it into town and have a specialist look at it."
The programmer said, "OK, but first I think we should get back in and see if it does it again."
- this post brought to you by the Automated Last Post Generator...
As to house maintenance, does it involve problem solfing? If so, your hacker can safely be left to deall with the panning (for the musement value, if nothering ese).
-- Telsa Gwynne
- this post brought to you by the Automated Last Post Generator...
Keep me informed on the behaviour of this kernel.. As the "BugFree(tm)" series didn't turn out too well, I'm starting a new series called the "ItWorksForMe(tm)" series, of which this new kernel is yet another shining example.
-- Linus, in the announcement for 1.3.29
- this post brought to you by the Automated Last Post Generator...
Seems a computer engineer, a systems analyst, and a programmer were driving down a mountain when the brakes gave out. They screamed down the mountain, gaining speed, but finally managed to grind to a halt, more by luck than anything else, just inches from a thousand foot drop to jagged rocks. They all got out of the car:
The computer engineer said, "I think I can fix it."
The systems analyst said, "No, no, I think we should take it into town and have a specialist look at it."
The programmer said, "OK, but first I think we should get back in and see if it does it again."
- this post brought to you by the Automated Last Post Generator...
Fortunately, the responsibility for providing evidence is on the part of the person making the claim, not the critic. It is not the responsibility of UFO skeptics to prove that a UFO has never existed, nor is it the responsibility of paranormal-health-claims skeptics to prove that crystals or colored lights never healed anyone. The skeptic's role is to point out claims that are not adequately supported by acceptable evidcence and to provide plausible alternative explanations that are more in keeping with the accepted body of scientific evidence.
-- Thomas L. Creed, The Skeptical Inquirer, Vol. XII,
No. 2, pg. 215
- this post brought to you by the Automated Last Post Generator...
Keep your Eye on the Ball, Your Shoulder to the Wheel, Your Nose to the Grindstone, Your Feet on the Ground, Your Head on your Shoulders. Now... try to get something DONE!
- this post brought to you by the Automated Last Post Generator...
"Yo, Mike!"
"Yeah, Gabe?"
"We got a problem down on Earth. In Utah."
"I thought you fixed that last century!"
"No, no, not that. Someone's found a security problem in the physics program. They're getting energy out of nowhere."
"Blessit! Lemme look... Hey, it's there all right! OK, just a sec... There, that ought to patch it. Dist it out, wouldja?"
-- Cold Fusion, 1989
- this post brought to you by the Automated Last Post Generator...
If just one piece of mail gets lost, well, they'll just think they forgot to send it. But if *two* pieces of mail get lost, hell, they'll just think the other guy hasn't gotten around to answering his mail. And if *fifty* pieces of mail get lost, can you imagine it, if *fifty* pieces of mail get lost, why they'll think someone *else* is broken! And if 1Gb of mail gets lost, they'll just *know* that Arpa [ucbarpa.berkeley.edu] is down and think it's a conspiracy to keep them from their God given right to receive Net Mail...
-- Casey Leedom
- this post brought to you by the Automated Last Post Generator...
"I got into an elevator at work and this man followed in after me... I pushed '1' and he just stood there... I said 'Hi, where you going?' He said, 'Phoenix.' So I pushed Phoenix. A few seconds later the doors opened, two tumbleweeds blew in... we were in downtown Phoenix. I looked at him and said 'You know, you're the kind of guy I want to hang around with.' We got into his car and drove out to his shack in the desert. Then the phone rang. He said 'You get it.' I picked it up and said 'Hello?'... the other side said 'Is this Steven Wright?'... I said 'Yes...' The guy said 'Hi, I'm Mr. Jones, the student loan director from your bank... It seems you have missed your last 17 payments, and the university you attended said that they received none of the $17,000 we loaned you... we would just like to know what happened to the money?' I said, 'Mr. Jones, I'll give it to you straight. I gave all of the money to my friend Slick, and with it he built a nuclear weapon... and I would appreciate it if you never called me again."
-- Steven Wright
- this post brought to you by the Automated Last Post Generator...
Thus spake the master programmer:
"Let the programmers be many and the managers few -- then all will
be productive."
-- Geoffrey James, "The Tao of Programming"
- this post brought to you by the Automated Last Post Generator...
This is not the age of pamphleteers. It is the age of the engineers. The spark-gap is mightier than the pen. Democracy will not be salvaged by men who talk fluently, debate forcefully and quote aptly.
-- Lancelot Hogben, Science for the Citizen, 1938
- this post brought to you by the Automated Last Post Generator...
To those accustomed to the precise, structured methods of conventional system development, exploratory development techniques may seem messy, inelegant, and unsatisfying. But it's a question of congruence: precision and flexibility may be just as disfunctional in novel, uncertain situations as sloppiness and vacillation are in familiar, well-defined ones. Those who admire the massive, rigid bone structures of dinosaurs should remember that jellyfish still enjoy their very secure ecological niche.
-- Beau Sheil, "Power Tools for Programmers"
- this post brought to you by the Automated Last Post Generator...
Now I know someone out there is going to claim, "Well then, UNIX is intuitive, because you only need to learn 5000 commands, and then everything else follows from that! Har har har!"
-- Andy Bates on "intuitive interfaces", slightly defending Macs
- this post brought to you by the Automated Last Post Generator...
Slashdot Mirror
I do hate sums. There is no greater mistake than to call arithmetic an
exact science. There are permutations and aberrations discernible to minds
entirely noble like mine; subtle variations which ordinary accountants fail
to discover; hidden laws of number which it requires a mind like mine to
perceive. For instance, if you add a sum from the bottom up, and then again
from the top down, the result is always different.
-- Mrs. La Touche
- this post brought to you by the Automated Last Post Generator...
What if nothing exists and we're all in somebody's dream? Or what's worse,
what if only that fat guy in the third row exists?
-- Woody Allen, "Without Feathers"
- this post brought to you by the Automated Last Post Generator...
The answer to the Ultimate Question of Life, the Universe, and Everything was
released with the kind permission of the Amalgamated Union of Philosophers,
Sages, Luminaries, and Other Professional Thinking Persons.
- this post brought to you by the Automated Last Post Generator...
This is an especially good time for you vacationers who plan to fly, because
the Reagan administration, as part of the same policy under which it
recently sold Yellowstone National Park to Wayne Newton, has "deregulated"
the airline industry. What this means for you, the consumer, is that the
airlines are no longer required to follow any rules whatsoever. They can
show snuff movies. They can charge for oxygen. They can hire pilots right
out of Vending Machine Refill Person School. They can conserve fuel by
ejecting husky passengers over water. They can ram competing planes in
mid-air. These innovations have resulted in tremendous cost savings which
have been passed along to you, the consumer, in the form of flights with
amazingly low fares, such as $29. Of course, certain restrictions do apply,
the main one being that all these flights take you to Newark, and you must
pay thousands of dollars if you want to fly back out.
-- Dave Barry, "Iowa -- Land of Secure Vacations"
- this post brought to you by the Automated Last Post Generator...
Fortune suggests uses for YOUR favorite UNIX commands!
/usr/ucb/which sense (Bourne shell)
Try:
[Where is Jimmy Hoffa? (C shell)
^How did the^sex change operation go? (C shell)
"How would you rate BSD vs. System V?
%blow (C shell)
'thou shalt not mow thy grass at 8am' (C shell)
got a light? (C shell)
!!:Say, what do you think of margarine? (C shell)
PATH=pretending!
make love
make "the perfect dry martini"
man -kisses dog (anything up to 4.3BSD)
i=Hoffa ; >$i; $i; rm $i; rm $i (Bourne shell)
- this post brought to you by the Automated Last Post Generator...
When you are about to do an objective and scientific piece of investigation
of a topic, it is well to gave the answer firmly in hand, so that you can
proceed forthrightly, without being deflected or swayed, directly to the goal.
-- Amrom Katz
- this post brought to you by the Automated Last Post Generator...
Never try to explain computers to a layman. It's easier to explain
sex to a virgin.
-- Robert Heinlein
(Note, however, that virgins tend to know a lot about computers.)
- this post brought to you by the Automated Last Post Generator...
BOFH excuse #145:
Flat tire on station wagon with tapes. ("Never underestimate the bandwidth of a station wagon full of tapes hurling down the highway" Andrew S. Tanenbaum)
- this post brought to you by the Automated Last Post Generator...
seen jhm
jhm is Sarek, and jhm is on the channel right now!
* JHM wonders why dpkg remembers that particular nick.
dpkg: Sarek? ermm, sure, and I am Khan
-- Seen on #Debian
- this post brought to you by the Automated Last Post Generator...
> You know you are "there" when you are known by your first name, and ..... help me out here! ;-)
> are recognized.
> Lemmie see, there is Madonna, and Linus, and
Bill ?
-- From some postings on comp.os.linux.misc
- this post brought to you by the Automated Last Post Generator...
Two men are in a hot-air balloon. Soon, they find themselves lost in a
canyon somewhere. One of the three men says, "I've got an idea. We can
call for help in this canyon and the echo will carry our voices to the
end of the canyon. Someone's bound to hear us by then!"
So he leans over the basket and screams out, "Helllloooooo! Where
are we?" (They hear the echo several times).
Fifteen minutes later, they hear this echoing voice: "Helllloooooo!
You're lost!"
The shouter comments, "That must have been a mathematician."
Puzzled, his friend asks, "Why do you say that?"
"For three reasons. First, he took a long time to answer, second,
he was absolutely correct, and, third, his answer was absolutely useless."
- this post brought to you by the Automated Last Post Generator...
Live never to be ashamed if anything you do or say is
published around the world -- even if what is published is not true.
-- Messiah's Handbook : Reminders for the Advanced Soul
- this post brought to you by the Automated Last Post Generator...
Seems a computer engineer, a systems analyst, and a programmer were
driving down a mountain when the brakes gave out. They screamed down the
mountain, gaining speed, but finally managed to grind to a halt, more by
luck than anything else, just inches from a thousand foot drop to jagged
rocks. They all got out of the car:
The computer engineer said, "I think I can fix it."
The systems analyst said, "No, no, I think we should take it
into town and have a specialist look at it."
The programmer said, "OK, but first I think we should get back
in and see if it does it again."
- this post brought to you by the Automated Last Post Generator...
As to house maintenance, does it involve problem solfing? If so,
your hacker can safely be left to deall with the panning (for the
musement value, if nothering ese).
-- Telsa Gwynne
- this post brought to you by the Automated Last Post Generator...
Keep me informed on the behaviour of this kernel.. As the "BugFree(tm)"
series didn't turn out too well, I'm starting a new series called the
"ItWorksForMe(tm)" series, of which this new kernel is yet another
shining example.
-- Linus, in the announcement for 1.3.29
- this post brought to you by the Automated Last Post Generator...
Seems a computer engineer, a systems analyst, and a programmer were
driving down a mountain when the brakes gave out. They screamed down the
mountain, gaining speed, but finally managed to grind to a halt, more by
luck than anything else, just inches from a thousand foot drop to jagged
rocks. They all got out of the car:
The computer engineer said, "I think I can fix it."
The systems analyst said, "No, no, I think we should take it
into town and have a specialist look at it."
The programmer said, "OK, but first I think we should get back
in and see if it does it again."
- this post brought to you by the Automated Last Post Generator...
Fortunately, the responsibility for providing evidence is on the part of
the person making the claim, not the critic. It is not the responsibility
of UFO skeptics to prove that a UFO has never existed, nor is it the
responsibility of paranormal-health-claims skeptics to prove that crystals
or colored lights never healed anyone. The skeptic's role is to point out
claims that are not adequately supported by acceptable evidcence and to
provide plausible alternative explanations that are more in keeping with
the accepted body of scientific evidence.
-- Thomas L. Creed, The Skeptical Inquirer, Vol. XII,
No. 2, pg. 215
- this post brought to you by the Automated Last Post Generator...
Keep your Eye on the Ball,
Your Shoulder to the Wheel,
Your Nose to the Grindstone,
Your Feet on the Ground,
Your Head on your Shoulders.
Now... try to get something DONE!
- this post brought to you by the Automated Last Post Generator...
"Yo, Mike!"
"Yeah, Gabe?"
"We got a problem down on Earth. In Utah."
"I thought you fixed that last century!"
"No, no, not that. Someone's found a security problem in the physics
program. They're getting energy out of nowhere."
"Blessit! Lemme look... Hey, it's
there all right! OK, just a sec...
There, that ought to patch it. Dist it out, wouldja?"
-- Cold Fusion, 1989
- this post brought to you by the Automated Last Post Generator...
If just one piece of mail gets lost, well, they'll just think they forgot ...
to send it. But if *two* pieces of mail get lost, hell, they'll just think
the other guy hasn't gotten around to answering his mail. And if *fifty*
pieces of mail get lost, can you imagine it, if *fifty* pieces of mail get
lost, why they'll think someone *else* is broken! And if 1Gb of mail gets
lost, they'll just *know* that Arpa [ucbarpa.berkeley.edu] is down and
think it's a conspiracy to keep them from their God given right to receive
Net Mail
-- Casey Leedom
- this post brought to you by the Automated Last Post Generator...
"I got into an elevator at work and this man followed in after me... I
pushed '1' and he just stood there... I said 'Hi, where you going?' He
said, 'Phoenix.' So I pushed Phoenix. A few seconds later the doors
opened, two tumbleweeds blew in... we were in downtown Phoenix. I looked
at him and said 'You know, you're the kind of guy I want to hang around
with.' We got into his car and drove out to his shack in the desert.
Then the phone rang. He said 'You get it.' I picked it up and said
'Hello?'... the other side said 'Is this Steven Wright?'... I said 'Yes...'
The guy said 'Hi, I'm Mr. Jones, the student loan director from your bank...
It seems you have missed your last 17 payments, and the university you
attended said that they received none of the $17,000 we loaned you... we
would just like to know what happened to the money?' I said, 'Mr. Jones,
I'll give it to you straight. I gave all of the money to my friend Slick,
and with it he built a nuclear weapon... and I would appreciate it if you never
called me again."
-- Steven Wright
- this post brought to you by the Automated Last Post Generator...
Thus spake the master programmer:
"Let the programmers be many and the managers few -- then all will
be productive."
-- Geoffrey James, "The Tao of Programming"
- this post brought to you by the Automated Last Post Generator...
This is not the age of pamphleteers. It is the age of the engineers. The
spark-gap is mightier than the pen. Democracy will not be salvaged by men
who talk fluently, debate forcefully and quote aptly.
-- Lancelot Hogben, Science for the Citizen, 1938
- this post brought to you by the Automated Last Post Generator...
To those accustomed to the precise, structured methods of conventional
system development, exploratory development techniques may seem messy,
inelegant, and unsatisfying. But it's a question of congruence:
precision and flexibility may be just as disfunctional in novel,
uncertain situations as sloppiness and vacillation are in familiar,
well-defined ones. Those who admire the massive, rigid bone structures
of dinosaurs should remember that jellyfish still enjoy their very
secure ecological niche.
-- Beau Sheil, "Power Tools for Programmers"
- this post brought to you by the Automated Last Post Generator...
Now I know someone out there is going to claim, "Well then, UNIX is intuitive,
because you only need to learn 5000 commands, and then everything else follows
from that! Har har har!"
-- Andy Bates on "intuitive interfaces", slightly defending Macs
- this post brought to you by the Automated Last Post Generator...