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A Surrey theme park is looking for just the right stench for a new attraction, and that's why they need your pee. The park is offering a £500 cash prize to the person with the most pungent urine sample. In addition to the money, the winner's stink will be recreated and pumped into the new live action horror attraction, Saw Alive. Smells like a winner to me.

Father Tim Jones has said to hell with the 8th commandment and advised the poor in his church to shoplift if they can't afford to feed their families. He said, "My advice, as a Christian priest, is to shoplift. I do not offer such advice because I think that stealing is a good thing, or because I think it is harmless, for it is neither. I would ask that they do not steal from small family businesses but from large, national businesses, knowing that the costs are ultimately passed on to the rest of us in the form of higher prices. I would ask them not to take any more than they need, for any longer than they need.I offer the advice with a heavy heart and wish society would recognize that bureaucratic ineptitude and systematic delay has created an invitation and incentive to crime for people struggling to cope." Of course, church leaders, business owners, and the police strongly disagree with the father's moral relativism.

Want to give someone a gift this Christmas that they won't forget? Why not give them a ring embedded with your teeth? Artist and super fan of the macabre, Polly van der Glas, can offer you custom made jewelry set with teeth. The 28-year-old says she got interested in the body from her grandfather who was a professor of microbiology. She says, "I have been collecting hair, teeth and fingernails for years, they line the shelves of my apartment in beautiful jars, where the textures and color variations are amazing. Fingernails actually look like delicate shells when collected together in a jar."

For some people a marriage is not official until it is recognized by family, church, state, and Facebook.

25 years ago a methyl isocyanate gas leak from the Union Carbide factory in Bhopal, India killed at least 3,787 with some putting the death toll as high as 10,000. Luckily the Indian government has realized that a place this special shouldn't be off limits to tourists so they'd like you to gather the kids and come on down for a visit. The doors have been locked since the disaster out of concerns over contamination and just common decency, but that is about to change for one week only. The man with the worst job title in the history of job titles, gas tragedy minister Babulal Gaur said, "The government hopes that allowing people to visit the site would satisfy their curiosity and remove misconceptions that things at the plant have been kept under wraps. I have visited the site numerous times and handled the waste on several occasions. There's nothing to worry about."

Researches say that today is really unproductive.

Last month we ran a story about the Sea Life London Aquarium using Barry White music to convince their zebra shark Zorro to get romantic with their female shark. As crazy as it seems the plan worked, maybe too well. The aquarium is now warning guests about the shark's frisky frenzies as they are public, frequent and a little on the rough side. "We are absolutely delighted that Zorro is finally getting it together with his intended but the courtship rituals of the zebra shark can appear quite violent and some guests have been a little alarmed," says deputy curator Jamie Oliver.

A company has come up with a new dating service which allows couples to experience the ups and downs of a relationship before they are even together. Singles can go to a Staffordshire theme park and have speed dates on a rollercoaster. Morwenna Angove, sales and marketing director of the park, said, "We pride ourselves on offering our visitors the ultimate day out or short break and have an amazing combination of adrenalin-inducing rides and attractions. We're confident that combining such thrilling experiences with the added exhilaration of meeting a potential new partner will ensure the most memorable date ever."

Proving it's never too late to quit, 102-year-old Winnie Langley has decided to quit smoking cigarettes. Winnie had her first smoke in 1914 and has gone through about five cigarettes a day since. Mrs Langley says, "Everyone used to smoke in those days, you did it to cope. We didn't know about the health problems. I just don't fancy it any more. My eyesight is failing so in a few years' time I might not be able to see the pack."

A Chinese man was arrested for stealing a motorcycle over the course of 5 years from the factory where he worked. The man, identified only as Zhang, was an assembly line worker in the motorcycle factory and took Johnny Cash's advice by stealing the bike one piece at a time so he wouldn't get caught. "I don't have that much money, so I came up with the idea of taking the parts home and assembling them on my own," said Zhang. Soon after finishing his bike, Zhang was pulled over by the police, who soon discovered he had no paperwork. He admitted to theft, was fined, put on probation for a year, and ordered to return the motorcycle to the factory.

Three-year-old Azeem Khan has been granted a motorcycle license by a panel of very optimistic or sadistic Indian judges. His dad built special extensions for the bike's controls so he could reach them. "Of course I won't let him drive on the busy roads without me on the bike as well. I trust Azeem but I don't trust other drivers," said his father Shantanu.

Biology professor Andrew Poyarkov thinks that stray dogs in Moscow have learned to use the subway to get around the city. He thinks they are using the rails in the morning to get to the center of town were food is more plentiful before returning to where they live each evening. "They do not just go to the subway station, they actually board the trains. They seem to have learned how long they need to stay on the train to leave at the right station. Sometimes they fall asleep and miss their stop. Then they get off take another train back to the center," he says.

Okeke Ikechukwu, a 26-year-old man from Nigeria, has decided the best way to smother himself with love is to marry his pillow. Okeke says his severe stutter keeps him from being able to get a girlfriend and his pillow is his best option. "Since I am a stutterer, ladies have always laughed at me whenever I try to talk to them," he said. "I have needs, and so I have taken to sleeping with my pillow in my arms ever since I was 16. I have grown to fall in love with it, and I intend to spend the rest of my life with it."

61-year-old Li Shuqi is only raising one of the ten plagues of Egypt but from the fuss his neighbors are raising you'd think he was working on all ten. Li has spent the last three years raising locusts. He has about two millions locusts living in five locust houses and sells them to Beijing restaurants where they are considered a delicacy. Li says, "My neighbours are constantly keeping an eye on my locust fields and checking the security of the meshes that prevent them from escaping."

As long as you travel on a select few of Harbin Public Transport Company's buses, you won't have to worry about breaking a window to escape a potentially deadly crash anymore. The company has equipped each bus with two yellow emergency bricks for passengers to use to break windows. A safety hammer used to be provided but they were stolen frequently because everyone can use a good hammer. "We don't think anybody will be interested in stealing bricks," a spokesman said. The company plans on putting bricks on all 700 of its buses if the customer feedback is smashing.

More than 10,000 competitors took part in this years Redneck Games hosted by the town of East Dublin, Georgia. Those sporting a vermilion cervical area tested their watermelon seed spitting ability, bobbing for pigs' feet prowess, and who could throw themselves into a pit of mud with the most grace, artistic beauty, and the loudest splash. The first Redneck Games was held in 1996 as a spoof on the Olympics which were held in Atlanta that year.

A Polish woman is not doing her countrymen any favors by suing an Egyptian hotel, claiming that the hotel pool is responsible for getting her 13-year-old daughter pregnant. The mother claims "stray sperm" in the pool are to blame for the baby souvenir her daughter came back from vacation with. "The mother is adamant that her daughter didn't meet any boys while she was there and is determined to go ahead with the case," said one travel industry source. The level of this mother's ignorance is astounding. Everyone knows that you can't get pregnant in a swimming pool, in a hot tub, or if you press really hard on the girls belly button after sex.

Somerset needs to hire a witch, and not just any witch will do. The town needs one who is willing to live in the Wookey Hole Caves, a local tourist attraction. The job pays £50,000 a year. Applicants "must be able to cackle," and "must not be allergic to cats." The job is open to men, women, and even trans-gender witches, to comply with sexual discrimination laws. "Wookey Hole wants the appointee to go about her everyday business as a hag, so that people passing through the caves can get a sense of what the place was like in the Dark Ages. This was when an old woman lived in the caves with some goats and a dog causing a variety of social ills including crop failures and disease. So the job is straightforward: live in the cave, be a witch, and do the things witches do," said Daniel Medley, from Wookey Hole Caves.

In an attempt to boost test scores, some Austrian students will be able to "phone a friend" if they get stuck on a test question. The students will be able to call teachers, doctors, or other experts for help when they don't know an answer. Teacher Reinhard Peter came up with the idea while watching "Who Wants to be a Millionaire," and says, "They can call doctors, teachers and other people to ask their help. Many of them suddenly have exam anxiety as though they were sitting in the classroom taking the exam. They get nervous on the phone and feel that if they give the wrong answer they are not only failing themselves but the pupil who is calling them as well." Peter adds that all of his students have passed their exams since he allowed the calls, and he has no plans for installing a 50:50 policy.

Dr_Ken writes "According to this news story in Ananova, the Indian Defense Ministry is looking into a cheaper and simpler form of tear gas agent for riot dispersal and crowd control. From the article: 'Defense researchers say the idea is to replace explosives in small hand grenades with a certain variety of red chili to immobilize people without killing them, reports the BBC. The chili, known as Bhut Jolokia, is said to be 1,000 times hotter than commonly used kitchen chili. Probably much cheaper to fabricate than conventional CN or CS gases and way less toxic, too.'"

Spring Airlines has come up with a great idea to make a little extra money by making their flights standing-room-only. The Chinese airline is just waiting for a green light from the government to start selling tickets for the standing flights. The airline's president Wang Zhenghua said he was sure that the plan would get government approval because it was suggested by China's vice premier Zhang Dejiang. "He suggested that, for a lower price, passengers should be able to get on a plane like catching a bus, with no seat, no luggage consignment, no food, no water, but very convenient," said Wang.

Have you ever rolled over, looked at your partner, and thought, "I didn't know that I could hate someone so much, but I would love to go on vacation with you." If so, a Chinese travel agency may have just the package for you. For £1,350, a fighting couple can take a five-day tour of Hainan Island, where they can have such classic arguments as: Why are you so distant? Why do you always get drunk during the holidays? And how many times can you say nothing is wrong when something obviously is? An ad for the tour reads, "If it's destiny for us to break up, then let's have more romantic memories than painful ones."

Pack your cutlass, load your cannons, and get ready to collect some pieces of eight; select Russian ocean liners are offering pirate hunting cruises on armed private yachts. £3,500 a day buys you a cruise close to the coast of Somalia and up to Kenya. The boat moves at a speed slow enough to attract pirates. When the ship is attacked, a squad of ex-special forces troops fights back with grenade launchers, machine guns, and rockets. If you want to earn your stripes, you can pay an extra £5 a day for an AK-47 machine gun and £7 for 100 rounds of ammo.

A man is selling his dad's ashes on eBay in revenge for abandoning him as a child. William Ireland is 50 now, but 44 years ago his dad left him and his mother to start a new life. William later found his father and the two started talking until his father died in 2006. After learning his father left his estate to the other woman and her son, he paid for the cremation so he could sell his dad's ashes. His eBay ad reads, "Here are the ashes of my father, Kenneth Ireland, an adulterer who left a wife, two children and just £17 in her pocket. He never paid a penny towards his kids' upbringing."

According to Kimberley Vlaminck, she wanted to get three star tattoos, giving her an unhirability score of 1. Instead, she got a score of 10 with 56 stars on her face and a good lesson in why you should never fall asleep at the tattoo parlor. The artist, Rouslan Toumaniantz, says Kimberly "got what she wanted" and is only complaining now because her dad got angry and her boyfriend wanted a girl with stars in her eyes, not all over her face. "It is horrible," said Kimberley. "He has turned me into a freak. I can't go out on the street now without people looking at me." She is suing for £10,000.

Police were shocked when they discovered a number of robberies were being committed by someone who was biting through steel window bars. "Through our investigations, we found the grids had been cut but with deep tooth prints," a local police spokesman said. They were tipped off by a man who was sharing a hotel room with another man who could crack walnuts with his teeth. After questioning, 23-year-old Xiong, who grew up in a mountain town with abundant walnuts, confessed to the burglaries. Xiong claimed he could chew through any steel bar up to 1 cm in thickness by chewing on welding spots. "I only failed once in the past two years. Once I bit on a 2cm thick steel grid, and the first bite nearly dislocated my jaw. I never take other tools with me when breaking in. That's why I never got stopped by patrolling officers at night," he said. I'm sure he has a lucrative toothpaste spokesman career ahead of him when he gets out of jail.

Richard Dean Anderson, the MacGyver himself, would be proud of Dr. Rob Carson after he used a household drill to save a boy's life. The 12-year-old fell off his bike and hit his head. His mother took him to the hospital when he complained of a headache and an hour later he began to have spasms and go unconscious. The doctor realized that the boy was suffering from acute pressure on the brain from internal bleeding, and got a DeWalt drill from the hospital maintenance room to drill a hole in the boy's skull to relieve the pressure. The boy's father said, "Dr Carson came over to us and said, 'I am going to have to drill into Nicholas to relieve the pressure on the brain — we've got one shot at this and one shot only.'"

A middle school in China has encouraged children to punch effigies of their teachers to work out frustration. Lichang 1st Middle School in Jinan puts pictures of their teachers on sandbags and gives the kids boxing gloves as part of a new "physical release" program. The school also offers private chat and consultation rooms so the students can use their words and not their fists, but Vice principal Meng Fanxiang says that most boys choose the sandbags. "Adolescent students may have a lot of problems and be under great pressure from studies. It's better for them to release it within the school than other places," Meng says. While this is a big step in the battle against school and workplace resentment, it is still frowned upon to tape a sign that reads, "Your Face!" to a pumpkin in your boss's front yard and shoot it with an AR-15. I guess everyone deals with frustration differently.

Guan Baihua has reinvented the wheel, oddly. The 50-year-old retired Chinese military officer has patented a bicycle with odd-sided wheels. The bike took him 18 months to develop and features a front wheel that is a pentagon and a back wheel that is a triangle. "There are too many identical mass-manufactured things. More and more, people like weird and rarely seen stuff. Making this bike gives people an alternative," he said. A single-cube ice tray, a hammer featuring a self-lubricating handle, and a social networking site are rumored to be Gaun's next big projects.

What started out as a joke has turned into an effective burglar deterrent for one Croatian bakery. The upscale bakery had been robbed almost every week until the owner put a life-sized photo of Chuck Norris in the window with a sign saying, "This shop is under the protection of Chuck Norris." The bakery has now been crime free for over a month. Sales assistant Mirna Kovac said, "To be honest we just started it as a joke but it really has worked. Thieves haven't been anywhere near us for ages. People seem to respect him. We have had a few customers come in and ask us whether they can get Chuck's autograph. They really believe he is sitting in our storeroom out the back ready to pounce on any burglars." Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

Paul and Deborah Rees have been given government funding to teach people how to "communicate with the dead." The couple, from Bridgend, south Wales, got £4,500 under the Government's Want2Work job creation program. The mediums insist the "mere £4,500" of public money will be put to good use at their center, the Accolade Academy of Psychic and Mediumistic Studies. Mr Rees said, "People who have lost mums and dads or a child deserve all the respect in the world in their grieving, and they deserve a medium who can give them respect. Our job is to provide substantial evidence to bring ease to people's grieving — and that's what I would say to people who query the award." Wait, it's coming to me....I see a queue of Alchemists waiting at the Want2Work grant office.

Swiss watch-makers, Borgeaud, have teamed up with Indian fortune tellers to make a watch that can predict the future. Borgeaud says the bedpan turns brown when evil forces are about to strike, or when "the s*** is about to hit the fan," and will not clear until the bad omens have passed. "It could be a hit with politicians all over the world," said watch designer Chitra Subramaniam Duella. In addition to its augury powers, the watch comes with a feature that guarantees it will still be correct twice a day when it runs out of power.

An Australian company has launched a personalized, environmentally friendly coffin business, to help people express themselves to the very end. LifeArt will make you a customized coffin with designs such as a surfer catching a wave, a picturesque scene, or the colors of a favorite team. I want, "For Those About To Rot, We Salute You!" in big black letters.

Teunis Tenbrook, A philosophy student with feet so smelly that he was thrown out of Erasmus University in Rotterdam, has won the right to attend lectures after a 10-year legal battle. Tenbrook was thrown out after complaints from professors and students that it was impossible to study with the smell from his feet. A Dutch court has ruled however, that having smelly feet is no excuse to ban a student from a university. The judge said, "Our considered opinion is that the professors and other students will just have to hold their noses and bear it." It looks like Mr. Tenbrook and his ten rancid piggies will finally get an education. Let's hope he learns about soap.

The Tough Guy 2009 challenge is described by its organizers as a 'uniquely fear-ridden' test of both body and spirit. The race consists of a grueling six-mile cross-country run in the freezing cold with 21 different obstacles including underwater tunnels, hot coals, electric fences and swamps. Competitors were strongly advised to prepare by undergoing cold water training to guard against the potentially lethal threat of hypothermia and had to sign a 'Death Warrant disclaimer' before taking part in the event. The race was supposed to conclude with a hour-long conversation with my mother covering such topics as: what Mrs. Kline said at the book club Wednesday night, speculations on what type of curtains would go with the new carpet, and a treatise on what is wrong with various family members. Organizers decided against the phone call after it was deemed too hazardous to competitors in their weakened state.

A new world record has been set in Romania after 3,939 Santas took to the streets handing out gifts. Guinness World Records officials confirmed it had beaten the previous record held by Taipei since 2003 with 3,618 Santas. Bucharest mayor Sorin Oprescu said, "We wanted to surprise kids by bringing not one Santa but thousands of them. This is the biggest gathering of Santas handing out gifts." The mayor added he hoped to break the record for the longest cake and the longest sausage later. Let the longest sausage jokes begin.

A British design company, called Concentrate, has come up with a product intended to help children concentrate in school, pre-chewed pencils. The company says the pencils look like they have already been chewed making children less likely to put them in their mouths and are a a cheap but effective way of encouraging youngsters to get their teeth into their lessons instead. No word on how long before they start making pre-eaten paste.

A creative writing project in a nine-year-old's class has turned into a 46-page hardcover book called "How to Talk to Girls." The original handwritten pamphlet was a bestseller at a school book fair where it sold for $5 a copy. The book fair fame eventually got Alec Greven an invitation to be on a local TV show and a publishing deal with HarperCollins. "It is easy to spot pretty girls because they have big earrings, fancy dresses and all the jewellery," he writes in chapter three. "Pretty girls are like cars that need a lot of oil." I'm sure Alec's book already has a dozen four-star reviews on Amazon.

46-year-old Wu Yulu has only a basic school education but has managed to build himself 26 robots from scrap materials over the past 30 years. At first his creations were simple and could barely shuffle along by themselves. The robots got more complex as time passed, and eventually he built ones capable of climbing walls, serving water, lighting cigarettes, playing musical instruments and writing calligraphy. "When I was 11, one day I was sitting on the doorstep, and while watching villagers passing by I suddenly came up with the idea of building a machine that walks like a man," he told the Beijing Times.

Drug dealer Hans Lang escaped his German prison cell by hiding in the laundry room and mailing himself in a giant FedEx box of dirty laundry. He waited until the driver made a stop, at which point he picked the lock on the back of the van and ran off into the woods. A spokesman for police said, "It's the kind of thing people think only happens in films — but in this case it is very real." The mailing-yourself bit is good, but I was always a fan of the giant slingshot out of jail myself.

Ken Imhoff's life changed the day he watched the movie Cannonball Run. It was after that cinematic masterpiece that he fell in love with the Lamborghini. Ken spent the next 17 years building his own version of the car in the basement of his home in Wisconsin. When he was done he realized he had overlooked one simple thing: a way to get the sports car out of the basement. An excavator had to be hired to slope his lawn and dig into his foundation before the car was towed out. Mr. Imhoff said, "I was like an expectant father watching it come through the wall. I was literally shaking and running the supposed plan over and over in my head. 'Have I overlooked anything? Is some of the wall going to fall on my work of seventeen years?... As the last blanket and car cover were removed I knew at that moment I had accomplished what I had dreamed about so many years ago and to see it sitting there in front of me was surreal. The next day we filled the hole in the basement with new blocks. In no time it was good as new."

A British psychologist, Richard Wiseman, claims to have created the most relaxing room in the world. The room has soft matting, the scent of lavender, diffuse green light and gentle music. Every week stressed out people can come and decompress in the room while professor Wiseman makes modifications according to their suggestions. I did a bit of research in this area myself in college, and have a few suggestions: Poof chair, good speakers, The Cowboy Junkies, a purple lava lamp, blackberry tea, and a smoking device. That should do it.

Stipe Cavlovic, 37, got into an argument with another man over an unpaid debt. Soon after the argument started, the man pulled a gun and shot at Stipe and his wife. The bullet ricocheted off Mrs. Cavlovic's cheekbone before becoming caught in Stipe's dentures. "I thought I was dead for sure. I didn't even see the bullet hit my wife. I just saw the flash of the gun's barrel. The next thing I knew was something hit my false tooth and I spat out the hot lead. It hurt like hell but we're both still alive." he told police. I saw Penn and Teller do this in Vegas.

A museum curator in China was fired after he glued a broken 2,000 year-old wooden turtle dove back together instead of reporting the damage. Dating from China's Han Dynasty, the antique was broken when it was transported by museum staff to an antique storage cabinet a year ago. Yang Fu, the curator of Wu Wei City Museum, went to the storeroom and glued the broken part back together with ordinary glue. Sounds like someone forgot to make an antique dove insurance payment.

It's hard for Ji Feng, vice principal of Zhiyuan Foreign Language Elementary School, to be humble. Ji is so handsome and well liked by his students that he has started offering signed pictures of himself to encourage hard work. "I came up with the idea of giving them my signed pictures as a reward," he told the Nanjing Morning Post. Adding, "it absolutely is not narcissism, but a way of encouragement. And only the students who perform the best can get such a reward." Things sure are different in China. Here in the US it's the teachers taking pictures of students and there is no reward when the police find out.

What do you get the millionaire in your life who has everything? How about the Seabreacher mini-sub. Described as a dolphin-inspired cross between a jet ski and a submarine, the Seabreacher has a top speed of 45mph above the waves and 20mph below them. The two-man £30,000 craft is 15' long and its design makes it self-righting. Strangely, this doesn't come with a laser package.

A Croatian shopping center is getting a lot of complaints over the wider, better lit parking spaces they made for women. The spaces, decorated with pink flowers, were meant to make parking easier for female customers, officials said. The spaces have not gone over well, as female motorists resent the implication that they need the extra wide spaces to park. One male customer said, "Why should women get special spaces? You can understand disabled spaces and parking bays for people with children but women should just learn how to drive properly." This statement ensures that no woman will do anything "properly" for him again.

In September Lego will start selling a 5,922-piece Taj Mahal model set. Priced at around $400, the 3ft wide by 2ft tall model will be the biggest in Lego's 74-year history. The Lego Taj Mahal, complete with domes, minarets, arches and stairs, can be completed in a little under 40 hours. I'm holding out for the Lego Colossus of Rhodes.

It may not have been able to tell you when to turn or give you live traffic updates, but the Plus Fours Routefinder was the state of the art navigation system of its day. Invented in the 1920s, the Routefinder relied on paper maps wound around wooden rollers, which the driver turned en route. It was intended to allow drivers to navigate around the UK, but with so few cars on the roads it never caught on.

As part of a research study to determine if an octopus has a favorite tentacle, twenty-five of them have been given Rubik's Cubes to play with. Although marine experts don't expect them to crack the puzzle, they hope to prove that the sea creatures have a preferred arm out of eight that they use to feed and investigate with - just like humans are right or left-handed. Claire Little, marine expert at the Sea Life Centre in Weymouth, says, "Uniquely, octopuses have more than half their nerves in their arms and have even been shown to partially think with their arms. We hope the study will help the overall well-being of octopuses. They are very susceptible to stress so if they do have a favourite side to be fed on, it could reduce risk to them." Most importantly, if the cepholapods are able to solve the cubes they might one day replace a room full of Shakespeare writing monkeys in Infinite Improbability Drives across the universe.